Author's Note: Many thanks to GraceMonroe for reviewing! I hope you are all still enjoying!

This chapter includes a direction quotation from Chapter 25 of Order of the Phoenix, which does not belong to me. Trans rights are human rights.

I also need to include a **TRIGGER WARNING** that this chapter includes vivid descriptions of torture, child abuse, and intimate partner abuse. If you would prefer not to read such content, please feel free to leave me a comment and I will summarize for you.

Thank you, and I hope you enjoy!

Chapter Thirty-Two: Breakouts and Breakdowns

Sirius must have been putting in a good word for him - that was the only way Remus could figure it.

When he came down to breakfast the next day, Mairead was there. Since their fight she had taken to avoiding the kitchen when Remus was in there. She had been avoiding any room Remus was inside. But there she was, sitting between Tonks and Ginny, not eating but taking small sips of ice water and listening to the chatter around her. What was more, when she looked up and caught Remus's eye she gave him a small smile before she looked away again.

And then there had been the fact that they'd had an entirely civil, if someone stilted and awkward, conversation the previous night. Sirius must be advocating for him behind the scenes.

Moody showed up shortly after Remus sat down. He waited until Molly had ushered Harry, Hermione, and her own children off to finish packing their things to go over the contingency plans for the day. While Mad-Eye and Tonks bickered over seating arrangements on the Knight Bus, Remus stole glances at Mairead. She was looking pale and troubled. Remus noticed she hadn't eaten anything for breakfast, opting instead to nurse the glass of water that was still clutched between her hands. He cursed internally when she looked up and caught him watching her. But instead of the forced indifference she had been adopting around him for the past two weeks, her cheeks turned pink and she looked away quickly, leaving him to wonder if he had been the only one stealing glances.

He was brought out of his reverie by Tonks crying, "For fuck's sake, Mad-Eye, we are NOT getting off at a secondary location!"

"I agree, Alastor," said Remus, blinking and looking away from Mairead at last. "Dumbledore said to take them straight to Hogsmeade."

"And that's fine for a primary plan," Moody growled. "I'm talking about Plan B and Plan C now."

"No, you're talking about Plans Q, R, and S," Tonks quipped irritably.

"Roll your eyes all you want," said Moody, and Remus couldn't help but shoot an amused glance at Mairead when Mad-Eye's magical eye did just that. "But something's coming. Something big. And we'd be idiots not to think this might be it."

But this did not turn out to be it. Remus and Tonks conveyed Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, and the twins back to Hogsmeade on the Knight Bus without incident, unless the witch who came very close to vomiting right into Remus's lap counted.

Moody and Sirius were waiting for them in the kitchen when they got back, and so, to Remus's delight, was Mairead. She stood up and excused herself almost at once, but she could not disguise the look of relief that suffused her face when he and Tonks walked in the door.

"Any problems?" asked Moody.

"None," said Remus.

"Piece of cake," Tonks added.

Rather than looking pleased to hear this, however, Mad-Eye only looked more troubled. "Something's coming," he said, shaking his head.

"I agree," Sirius said, looking grim. "I was listening to the receivers last night. Voldemort's planning something."

"Do you have any idea what?" asked Remus.

Sirius shook his head. "Nope. And neither does Malfoy, though he's been pushing hard on his buddies to find out what's going on. Seems Voldemort likes keeping his followers in the dark."

The four Order members stayed and speculated for more than an hour, but nothing they guessed at came close to the truth. And nothing could have prepared Remus for the effect it would have on the person he loved the most.

The next day passed without note. Sirius spent the day sulking in his room. Moody spent the day in the drawing room listening to the receivers. Mairead was not to be found, but Remus no longer had the status in her life to ask her where she was. As had become his evening custom since she had moved back in, Remus sat in the library and read until he heard the locks undo themselves. He closed his eyes and listened to the sound of her voice murmuring the spells that she could do herself. He waited until he heard her quiet tread on the stairs, then went out and performed the protection spells on the door that she could not. Remus sighed and laid a hand on the door, as if some of her residual warmth could be found there. Then, he headed up the stairs to his cold, empty bed that had long since stopped smelling like vanilla and brown sugar.

The next morning, Remus made his way down to breakfast, the now-familiar twisting feeling of mounting anticipation in his stomach. Mairead usually got up later than he did, but he had been incrementally pushing back his own schedule over the past two weeks in the hopes that he might accidentally-on-purpose run into her. When he pushed open the door, Mairead was not there, but the kitchen was far from empty.

Remus frowned at the sight of Arthur, Molly, Bill, Sirius, Mad-Eye, and Elphias Doge. "What's happened?" he asked urgently, instantly alert.

Sirius looked up and met his gaze, and Remus was filled with alarm at what he saw in the other man's face. Sirius jerked his head towards the table. Remus followed the gesture and saw multiple copies of the Daily Prophet lying there. Stepping closer, Remus saw that the front page was almost entirely taken up by eleven photographs of faces he knew too well. And just above the photos, the headline read,

MASS BREAKOUT FROM AZKABAN

MINISTRY FEARS BLACK IS "RALLYING POINT" FOR OLD DEATH EATERS

Remus looked up at Sirius, his mouth open and eyes wide. The grim dread on his best friend's face reflected what was racing through his own mind. He looked back at the article and rapidly read the text. Virtually nothing of any merit was stated in the article, the journalist having mainly focused on rehashing Sirius's escape and repeating Fudge's belief that the eleven escaped Death Eaters had followed Sirius's guidance to find their way to freedom. The pertinent facts, however, were scowling up at Remus from eleven different frames: eleven of Voldemort's most dangerous Death Eaters were once again at large. Azkaban as a stronghold for containing the very worst criminals in society had fallen. The dementors had abandoned their side and joined forces with Voldemort. All of which Dumbledore had warned against. All of which Fudge had determinedly, pig-headedly ignored.

Remus scanned the faces of the eleven Death Eaters until his eye caught on one man. He had short, curly dark hair and, though the photo was in black and white, Remus knew that his eyes were, in reality, dark green.

He looked at Sirius and he could tell they were both thinking the same thing.

"We can't let her find out this way," Remus said.

Sirius nodded. "You'd better go tell her."

Remus frowned. "No, it shouldn't be me," he argued.

"Remus, cut the shit," said Sirius. "Go tell her."

Remus shook his head. "Sirius, no. She doesn't want anything to do with me, you know that. You should tell her, or Molly or someone - anyone is better than me."

"Remus," Molly spoke up. Remus saw that she had come over to Grimmauld Place in her purple dressing gown and slippers. "It should be you, dear. She should hear it from someone who knows her best."

Remus quickly glanced around the room and landed on Mad-Eye. "Alastor, then," he said. "He's known her for ten years. He'd be the best positioned to -"

"You know it's got to be you, son," Moody cut him off. Mad-Eye never looked cheerful, but Remus had rarely seen him looking this grave.

He felt his heart sink. He knew they were right. And he knew that his reluctance to be the one to tell her was not about doing what was best for her, but about his insistence on maintaining the illusion that they meant nothing to one another.

For the first time, he saw just what a coward he had been.

There was no time to dwell on this breakthrough, however, as at that moment the door opened and in walked Mairead.

Remus saw the same surprise and trepidation he had felt enter her expression when she took in all of the people standing around.

"Err, good morning," she said awkwardly, all eyes turned on her.

Remus steeled his spine and marched towards her. "Come on," he muttered to her, touching his fingers to her elbow. "We need to talk."

Mairead frowned. "What's going on?" she asked, surprise tipping over into anxiety.

"I'll tell you upstairs," he said, nodding towards the door.

But Mairead didn't move. "What is it?" she asked urgently. "What's happened?"

Remus wrapped his fingers around her elbow and squeezed. "Mairead," he said in a low voice. "Trust me. Please."

Mairead looked around at the faces of the other Order members. Remus saw her take in Molly's eyes, which were now swimming with tears, and the fact that Arthur and Elphias could not meet her gaze. She looked over at Sirius, whose mouth tightened and chin jerked upwards in the direction of the door.

Last, she looked at Moody, who growled, "Go with Lupin, kid."

Finally, blinking, Mairead looked up at Remus. It was all he could do not to flinch away from the fear and worry in her dark green eyes - the only characteristic she had inherited from her father.

"Here," Remus said softly, reaching his free hand for the door and opening it for her.

Mairead took one more look at the others gathered around in the kitchen before starting up the stairs. She shot nervous glances over her shoulder at Remus as they went. When they reached the entrance hall, she turned and squared her body off against his. "What is going on?" she demanded, putting her hands on her hips.

"Let's - let's go upstairs and talk in my room," he said, stalling for time. "I'll tell you in there."

"No, you'll tell me right here!" she said, her voice hushed to keep the portraits subdued but forceful nevertheless. "What is all this about?"

Remus sighed. He wished there was some way he could stretch this out, extend her not knowing. He knew things would never be the same for her once he uttered the words, he knew that the mounting fear she was feeling was nothing compared to what she would feel once she knew, and he wanted to preserve her ignorance for as long as he could.

Mairead's patience ran out before he had worked up the courage. "Remus!"

Remus closed his eyes for a moment, then carefully, he stepped closer to her and placed his hands on her shoulders. "There's been a breakout from Azkaban," he said as calmly as he could. He looked her straight in the eyes when he spoke. As a result, he saw the moment the fear he had seen swirling in her eyes took on solid form.

Remus felt her shoulders twitch and tense under his fingers. He could see the tendons tensing in her throat. Despite the dim lighting in the hall, her pupils shrank until they were almost pinpoints. A few breaths were gasping and halting, and then she appeared to stop breathing altogether.

"Was - is -?"

He knew without her having to finish the sentence what it was she was asking. And he knew that she could see the answer in his face. "I'm so sorry."

Mairead closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Okay," she said at the bottom of a sigh. When she opened her eyes, Remus saw grim resignation in them. Then, without anything further, she pulled away and started up the stairs.

Remus frowned. "Are - are you all right?" This was not at all the response he had expected from her. He had expected her to cry, to scream, perhaps to faint, or be sick.

But her voice was quite calm and steady when she softly called, "I'm fine. Thank you for telling me," and continued up the stairs.

"Where are you going?" Remus asked, starting up the stairs after her.

"I have to go to my room," she said, still in the same eerily calm voice. "I need a few things."

"What do you need?" Remus asked, only a few steps behind her now. "I can get them for you."

Mairead shook her head and tossed a smile over her shoulder. "I'm fine," she repeated. "Thank you."

But she did not look fine. She couldn't possibly be fine. Her smile was too formal, her eyes too guarded. She was hiding from him, and whatever she was hiding made the hair on the back of Remus's neck stand up. "Mairead, can we talk some more?" he asked, now following her up towards the second landing.

"I'm sorry, but I don't really have time," she said without slowing. "I'm in a bit of a rush this morning."

"Where are you going?" asked Remus again.

"...Work."

Alarms started blaring in Remus's ears. She was lying. Mairead hated to lie. She only did it when she felt it absolutely necessary. On the second landing, Remus caught up to Mairead and laid a hand heavily on her shoulder. "Mairead, where are you going?" he asked firmly.

Mairead squirmed and ducked out of his grasp. "I told you," she said, avoiding his eyes, guilt heavy in her voice. She began scaling to the third story, picking up speed as though trying to outstrip him.

"No, you lied to me," countered Remus, easily keeping pace with her. "Where are you really going?"

She hesitated at the top of the staircase, then mumbled, "I can't tell you."

"Why not?"

"... Because then you'll know where I am."

Comprehension began to dawn then. "Mairead, you can't possibly be serious," Remus said, darting around her to stand in front of her. "Why would you even think about leaving Grimmauld Place at a time like this?" he asked.

She looked at him like he had just said something asinine. "Why would you think I could stay at a time like this?" she said bleakly. "It's okay. I have a plan." She began trying to step around him.

"A plan."

"I've had one in place since July," she said as calmly and practically as if Remus had asked her whether she kept a household budget. "Since Dumbledore started talking about removing the dementors from Azkaban and Fudge refused. But I need to go. I'm wasting time."

"What exactly is this plan?" asked Remus.

"I'm going away," she mumbled, looking away from him.

"Mairead -"

"He's going to come looking for me." Mairead raised her head and looked at Remus. Her eyes were burning with determination and resolve. "My father. He's going to come looking for me the first chance he gets, and I need to make sure I'm as far away from London as I can possibly be when that happens."

"No, you need to make sure you stay right where you are so that he can't find you," said Remus insistently.

Mairead shook her head. "No, he'll find me," she said with certainty. "He'll find me. There's nothing I can do about that. All I can do is make sure he doesn't find you, or Edgar, or anyone else." She turned her body and tried to sidestep him, but he caught her by the wrist.

"So that's your plan," he said harshly. "To offer yourself up like a sacrificial lamb - just wait around until your father finds you and murders you."

"No."

"That's what it sounds like from here," Remus argued.

"Well, then you're not listening!" she retorted, her calm façade cracking. She gave her arm a sharp tug.

"Mairead, stop!" said Remus, reaching for her other arm. "You don't need to go anywhere. You're safe here."

"Let me go!" Mairead cried.

Remus reluctantly released her. "Mairead, please stay," he pleaded.

"I can't," she said, turning and heading for the next staircase.

"I won't let anything happen to you. I'll protect you." He followed her across the corridor.

"No!"

"I swear - I'll protect you with my life!"

Mairead had one foot on the stairs when she suddenly whirled back around. "No, you can't do that!" she shouted. She grabbed Remus's arms then, looking panic-stricken. "You can't do that."

"Mairead, if you think I'm just going to sit around and -"

"I don't want your protection!"

Pain lanced through Remus, forcing him to drop his gaze. "I know I betrayed you," he said, his voice low in shame. "I know that I've hurt you and I've let you down and I've destroyed your trust in me, and I know that the way I have behaved is unforgivable." He looked up at her, desperate to hold her gaze. "I know you don't want anything to do with me. But I am not going to stand by and watch you walk into your father's hands. If I have to hunt the bastard down myself and kill him with my bare hands to make you safe, then that's what I'll do."

Mairead shook her head. "NO!" she shouted fiercely.

Remus shook his head. "I'm telling you the truth! I swear to you, Mairead O'Keefe: I will keep you safe. I don't care if it kills me."

"Don't!" Mairead yelled. "Say you won't!"

Remus reached a hand up and stroked her cheek. "Of course I will," he said softly.

And just like that, Mairead was sobbing. "No! No! You can't!" she cried, her fingers holding Remus's arms in a white knuckled grip. "Remus, promise me you won't do anything. I need you to promise."

Remus shook his head, baffled by her behavior. "I'm not going to promise that," he said.

"No! No! No! No! You have to! You have to!"

"Mairead -" Remus pulled her closer. She struggled wildly, screaming now and beating his chest with her fists. Here was the reaction Remus had expected when he had first told her the news. Mairead wailed and shrieked, thrashing about in a complete panic. Remus did the only thing he could think of. He wrapped his arms around her and pinned her flailing arms to her sides, embracing her tightly. Mairead fought him ferociously, and Remus held on until eventually she collapsed against him. She clung to him, making sounds that were somewhere between screams and sobs. "It's all right," he whispered, loosening his grip on her now that she had stopped fighting him. "I've got you."

"Please let me go." Her voice was muffled against his chest, but he heard the desperation and fear clearly. "Please, Remus. Please, please just let me go."

"Please don't ask that of me, May."

"Please!" she sobbed. "Please! I can handle everything but that. Please, Remus. I can handle anything but something happening to you."

Remus blinked. Did she just say what he thought she just said?

She pulled back and looked imploringly up at him. "Please," she begged. "Please let me go."

Remus looked down at her. "If you want to go, I have no right to stop you," he said solemnly. "I can't tell you what you can and cannot do with your life. So if you want to go..." he hesitated, then, remembering what she had done for him long ago and how much it had meant to him, he looked her directly in the eyes and said, "If you want to go, I'll help you pack. But I beg you to hear me out first."

Mairead sniffled, took a deep, shaky breath, then nodded.

Remus pulled back from her. Slowly, watching her expression carefully, he raised his hands towards her face. When she made no move to stop him, Remus took her face in his hands, cradling it lovingly, and praying that it wouldn't be the last time. "Please stay," he begged softly. "Please, Mairead. Please stay. Stay here. I understand if you don't trust me. But trust Dumbledore. If you stay here, you will have the full force and might of Albus Dumbledore behind you. If you stay here, you will have the full force and might of the entire Order of the Phoenix behind you. But if you leave, you'll only have me. Because if you leave, I want to go with you."

Mairead opened her mouth to argue, but Remus gently placed a thumb over her lips.

"If you want to leave, I'll respect your decision," he said. "But please don't ask me to stay here without you. Please don't leave me. I would go to the ends of the earth if it meant I could stand beside you." He felt Mairead's mouth twitch in indecision beneath his thumb, and he gave her a small smile. "So, which will it be?" he asked. "Shall I pack a bag? Or shall we stay here?"

"I just -" she hiccoughed. "I don't want anyone else to get hurt." Her breath hitched, and Remus pulled her back into his arms just as she began to cry again. "He's hurt so many people," Mairead said in a broken voice. "H-he's -" She sagged against Remus.

Remus held her close, stroking her back and shoulders soothingly. He stood there, letting Mairead sob into his shirt, until he heard her heart rate drop suddenly. Sensing an impending fainting spell, he reached down and hooked an arm behind her knees, lifting her into his arms before she could collapse. Sure enough, her face had drained of color and she looked pinched and sick. "I've got you," he murmured, carrying her to his room.

Mairead stayed in Remus's room all day. He stayed by her side the whole time, holding her and offering her what comfort he could. At times Mairead cried stormily. At others she apologized profusely for inconveniencing him. At one point she got so worked up she had to dash to his bathroom to be sick. Remus followed her inside and held her hair for her, which led to another frantic, tearful bout of apologizing. A few times she tried to get up and flee again and Remus had to convince her to stay.

Eventually, after many hours, she calmed down. She now leaned heavily against Remus's chest, her fingers clutching the breast pocket of his shirt the way she used to when they were together. Remus's hands were stroking her back and hair gently, and she was no longer fighting him, telling him to stop comforting her, that he did not owe her anything. Her breathing was steady and deep, but every time Remus glanced down to see if she had fallen asleep, he saw that she was still awake, staring unseeing at the wall, the shadows of ghosts flickering across her dark green eyes.

The room gradually grew darker as night fell outside. "Are you hungry?" Remus murmured into Mairead's hair. "You haven't eaten anything all day."

Mairead shook her head. "You should go eat, though," she said, pushing herself away from Remus.

Remus smiled warmly at her. "I'm fine," he reassured her, only to have his statement belied by a loud grumble of his stomach. Mairead laughed thickly.

"Liar," she said, but there was no malice in her tone. "Go eat. Really. I'm fine now."

"Will you come downstairs with me? We can get something to eat together."

Mairead shook her head, looking down and fiddling with her fingernails. Remus couldn't help it; he reached up and smoothed her hair behind her ear.

"If I went downstairs and brought some food back up for the two of us, would you try to eat something?" he asked.

Mairead considered this. "Okay," she breathed.

Remus started to rise, then hesitated. "Will you promise me you'll still be here when I get back?"

Mairead scoffed, but again, did not sound angry with him. "Yeah, I promise," she said hoarsely.

When Remus walked into the kitchen, he saw nearly the same people who had been there that morning. Sirius, Arthur, Molly, Bill, and Mad-Eye were still there, but Doge had left, replaced by Tonks and McGonagall. He could smell the remnants of dinner in the air, though it had already been cleared away.

Sirius stood as soon as he saw Remus. "How is she?" he asked urgently. Remus could see that Sirius had also had a hell of a day. Everyone here had probably left in the morning and come back in the evening, leaving Sirius to spend the day all on his own.

"She's calm," he answered.

"Remus, I'm so sorry you all had to find out in the Prophet!" Tonks agonized. "The Ministry wouldn't let us leave the room. Kingsley and I couldn't get away, even for a minute. I worked thirty-five hours straight. We weren't allowed to send messages; we were even told to go to the bathroom in groups."

"That'd be Fudge trying to keep a handle on things," Moody growled. "Wouldn't want word getting out before he could get ahead of things in the press."

"Dumbledore sent me to tell you he plans to visit as soon as he can get away from Hogwarts," said McGonagall, still wrapped in a tartan travelling cloak. "He's asked that Mairead not leave the house until he can speak with her."

"Well, of course she won't be leaving the house!" Molly exclaimed. "With those people on the loose? She wouldn't think of it!"

"You'd be surprised," said Remus wearily. "I had a job talking her into staying. She wanted to go on the run and try to draw her father away from all of us."

"Is she mental?" Bill demanded.

"No, she just knows what she's up against," said Moody. "She's always been a flight risk. She tried to run away from St. Hedwig's a couple of times, too. After she testified she was convinced some of her dad's friends who were still at large were going to torch the place. Had a good run of it, too. Made it as far as Cokeworth once."

Molly shook her head. "What on earth happened to that poor girl?"

"Well, torture, for one thing," answered Moody. "Physical and psychological. Her dad is one sick bastard."

Sirius nodded. "You said once that he let other Death Eaters practice the Cruciatus Curse on her."

"Yeah, but believe it or not, Crucio isn't the worst thing you can do to a person. My guess is he wanted a kid - preferably a son - who would share his twisted proclivities. When he wound up with a sweet, sensitive kid instead... well, he found other ways of having his fun."

"Like what?" asked Bill, but Molly shushed him.

"We shouldn't..." she said, though it was clear to Remus that she had always wanted to know. And, truth be told, so had he.

"You've got to remember, back in those days people were disappearing all over the place," Moody began. "Wizards, Muggles, it didn't matter. Voldemort loved the randomness of it. The uncertainty and unease bred terror in the wizarding community, which was just how he liked it. He kept a tight grasp on things, but his Death Eaters had relatively free rein to kidnap and torture people as they saw fit. And O'Keefe, he was one of Voldemort's top extractors of intelligence. That's why he trained the new Death Eaters. Did a lot of very dirty work and did it well, so he had even more latitude than others might. He could get away with stuff others couldn't. So when he took a liking to the idea of bringing his little daughter along to some of his torture sessions, nobody said a word."

"But why would You-Know-Who allow something like that?" asked McGonagall, looking shocked. "Why invite an extra witness in who could speak against them?"

Mad-Eye shrugged. "I think he probably figured that sooner or later O'Keefe was gonna kill her," he said casually. "And honestly, he probably would have, if he hadn't been arrested. When Voldemort fell, there was an immediate scramble among the Death Eaters to cover up their allegiance. The ones with money made out a lot better than the ones without. And O'Keefe had plenty of money to go around. Enough that he could keep himself and his buddy, Macnair, out of Azkaban, too, though Macnair's climb up the Ministry ladder was never what he had hoped it would be. But once O'Keefe was cut off from his fresh supply of victims, he needed an outlet for his violent urges. So things got worse than ever for Mairead and her mum. He hit them, sure. But that wasn't enough for him anymore. He wanted to torment them. But he was clever about it. Never did anything that left marks; never did anything permanent. He'd break each of Claire - that was his wife - each of her fingers, then fix them. He pulled some of Mairead's teeth out - but only the baby ones. And then there were the baths."

"That's enough," Remus cut in. "We've invaded Mairead's privacy enough." He looked around at everyone in the room. "I don't want any of you to mention any of this to her," he said. "If I find out that anyone has breathed so much as a word of this to Mairead you'll have me to answer to. Do you all understand?"

Everyone nodded, looking various degrees of ashamed and disgusted.

McGonagall was the first to rally. "Dumbledore hopes to be able to get here by morning," she said, her usually businesslike voice sounding slightly misty. "He would like to speak with Mairead when he does." She stood and reached into her travelling cloak, withdrawing two small bottles. "And Severus asked me to deliver these to Mairead." She looked over at Remus. "Am I to take it that you can deliver them to her?"

For the first time all day, trepidation struck Remus. McGonagall had been a colleague of his at Hogwarts. She was the Deputy Headmistress. She had also been one of Mairead's professors. Word must have reached her of their affair. What must she think of him?

Pushing that thought away, Remus nodded. "I'll give them to her," he said softly. "What are they?"

"One is a Draught of Peace," said McGonagall, walking to him and handing them over. "And the other is a potion for Dreamless Sleep."

Sirius scoffed. "What'd Dumbledore have to do to twist Snape's arm into making those for her?" he asked scornfully.

McGonagall turned her stern gaze on him. "Actually, it was Severus's idea," she said coolly.

Remus could tell that Sirius was surprised, but he hid it well.

"Remus, will you take Mairead something to eat, as well?" Molly asked. "I fixed her a plate of sandwiches this afternoon and tried to bring them up, but she wasn't in her room at the time..."

Anxiety rippled at the back of Remus's neck again. Stiffening his spine, he said, "Mairead is in my room. She'll be spending the night there, as well." He looked around at the crowd of Order members. "And if anyone has a problem with that, you'll address it with me now, to my face."

"Oh, don't be ridiculous, Remus," McGonagall snapped impatiently. "You're the only one who's had a problem with your relationship with Mairead for months now."

Remus stared at the Deputy Headmistress, dumbfounded. She clicked her tongue.

"Stubborn as always," she muttered, but there was a hint of indulgence in the steely glint of her eyes. "You take care of our girl, Remus. I must be off."

Remus stared at the kitchen door after the tartan cloak disappeared around it. Molly walked up to him, bearing a tray containing two steaming bowls of stew, two thick slices of generously buttered bread, and a pot of tea with two cups.

"You heard her, Remus," she said gently. "Go take care of our girl."

Remus was able to persuade Mairead to eat some of the food Molly sent up, but she seemed more eager for the Dreamless Sleep Potion from Snape. She began to blink and nod as soon as she had swallowed it. Remus pulled her into his arms, silently grateful that she was allowing him to touch her so freely. Mairead dropped off almost at once, leaving Remus to stare at the ceiling, one arm propping up his head, the other draped around the girl's shoulders.

He thought about what he had learned down in the kitchen about Mairead's childhood. Realistically he had always known it had been filled with terrors, but they had always been indistinct, formless horrors in his mind. Throughout their time together, Remus had left vague hints to Mairead that she was safe to share with him, but she had either not gotten the hints or, more likely, not wanted to.

Now he understood why she had never wanted to talk about it. Now, he saw just what she had been put through, just what she had had to survive.

Remus glanced down at Mairead. Asleep, she looked young; so young that he hadn't noticed until now how much she had aged since Voldemort's return. It wasn't fair that she had been forced to grow up so fast. It wasn't fair that a nine-year-old should have to think about whether to take shelter at an orphanage or live on the streets to protect the other children living there. It wasn't fair that running away was the only way she could protect herself. Remus scowled. It wasn't fair that the sweetest, kindest, loveliest person in the entire world should be born into a family like the one she'd had.

He glared up at the ceiling. If he ever saw O'Keefe again, he would kill him. He would catch him, and pin him to a wall by his throat, and tell him he would never hurt Mairead again. And then Remus would squeeze his fingers around the other wizard's throat. He would watch the life drain out of his dark green eyes, the same way O'Keefe himself had dispassionately watched the life drain out of his own wife's eyes. Remus didn't care what happened to himself. He would make Mairead safe.

He would make this the first promise to her that he would keep.

Remus had believed his thoughts would keep him awake all night, but, in spite of all that had happened, and although he was fully aware of the exceptional circumstances that had brought her here, Mairead was back in his arms. He knew it was only temporary, and he knew that she probably still hated him, as she rightly should, but his body responded to her proximity nevertheless. As he breathed in her scent, as his fingers roamed the familiar planes of her back, shoulders, arms, and hands, he felt his muscles relaxing; he felt the tension that had been there since he had broken things off with her in November drain out of him, and he felt sleep pull him under.

It was still dark when he awoke. He was not sure what had disturbed him, but Mairead was still sleeping next to him, and so he decided to investigate, lest whatever it was wake her, too.

Remus waited until the door was closed behind him to light his wand. Holding it aloft, he could not see anything out of place in the corridor. He crept down the stairs to the second landing and still found nothing. When he descended to the first landing, however, he saw a light casting shadows on the banister of the staircase that led down to the main level. Remus approached the top of the stairs, looked down, and saw Albus Dumbledore, coming up.

"Headmaster," he said softly, aware that they were close enough to the portraits to set them off if they were not careful.

"Hello, Remus," Dumbledore said, ascending to the first landing beside Remus. "I apologize for the lateness of the hour. Or the earliness, rather. It was, by my estimation, my best window of opportunity to get away from the castle without unwanted detection."

Remus checked his watch and saw that it was not quite four in the morning.

"It is my understanding that Mairead is in your room," Dumbledore said, and although his voice was mild and held no judgment, Remus's stomach twisted unpleasantly.

"She is," he said, bowing his head in shame. "I thought it best for her not to be alone."

"Indeed," Dumbledore agreed solemnly. "I trust that the potion Severus gave her is working well, but I am afraid that I must ask you to wake her. I think it important that we speak."

"Of course," Remus said.

"I shall wait for the both of you in the kitchen," said Dumbledore.

Remus returned to his room and woke Mairead as gently as he could. She still seemed a bit foggy while she followed Remus down to the kitchen, and he kept a steadying hand on her back as they went.

Dumbledore rose from his chair at the table when they entered. "Mairead," he said, a grave light in his blue eyes. "I wish I were visiting under better circumstances, my dear."

Mairead forced a smile, but shivered and wrapped her arms around herself. Remus cursed himself, wishing he had thought to bring a jumper for her.

"Please sit," said Dumbledore, strolling over to a chair and pulling it out for her. Mairead cast an awkward glance at Remus before taking the proffered seat. "You are welcome to stay, Remus," the Headmaster added. "Assuming, of course, that Mairead agrees?"

Mairead looked surprised that her opinion was being asked. "Oh," she said softly. "Erm, yes. Yes, please." She sent Remus another nervous glance, which he took to mean that she wanted him close by for reassurance. He knew he was taking a chance sitting next to her with Dumbledore

looking on, but in that moment he could not have denied Mairead anything she wanted, and so he sat by her side.

Dumbledore resumed his seat and regarded Mairead seriously over the tops of his half-moon spectacles. "First, I would like to thank you for remaining at headquarters in light of this terrible news," he began. "I know that is against your nature, and I am grateful for your temperance."

Mairead didn't seem to know what to say, and so she settled for squirming uncomfortably in her seat and murmuring, "Oh, okay."

"Second," Dumbledore continued. "I should like to assure you that Grimmauld Place is safe. I know you know this, but in addition to being Unplottable, the house is also protected by the Fidelius Charm, which Filius Flitwick himself cast, and I am the Secret Keeper, meaning that unless I fall, no one can learn the location of this house without my express permission. Additionally, there are more than a dozen protective wards cast on the house and the property it sits on, all of which were put in place by Remus, there, as well as Sirius, Alastor Moody, and myself, and - if you will forgive the moment of immodesty for including myself among their number - finer wizards you would be hard-pressed to find. All of this is to say: as long as you are in this house, you will be safe."

"I know, sir," Mairead said softly.

"With all of that being said," Dumbledore went on. "I will not infantilize you by assuming you do not understand how much danger you are now in. I am not sure whether you have yet considered going into hiding, but if you would like to choose this option I wish to assure you th-"

"Please, sir," Mairead broke in. Remus, who had been watching Dumbledore intently while he had been talking, looked now at Mairead, surprised that she had been bold enough to interrupt the Head of the Order of the Phoenix. "I know I'm in danger. I - I don't want to give the impression that I don't know that, or that I don't care, but to be honest, I'm less worried about what will happen to me, and more worried about what will happen to others if my father thinks they might know how to find me."

Dumbledore's eyes flicked over to Remus for the briefest of seconds before focusing back on Mairead. "I understand," he said. "In that case I shall once again extend an offer of my services to St. Hedwig's. I am afraid, however, that they will reject my offer, as they have done in the past when they have taken in a child whose family has promised retribution against those who removed the child from their custody. You see, they prefer to put their faith in another, considerably more powerful and substantially less mortal than I. But if you would like, I shall happily try again. In any case it will be delightful to see Sister Mary Agnes again. I have not had the occasion in several years. And as for others..." here his eyes once again snapped over to Remus and back again, a shrewd, knowing twinkle in his eyes. "I hope you will correct me if my assumption is incorrect, but I should like to assure you that those whom you most love and fear for are highly accomplished duelists, more than capable of handling themselves. And, if I am once again not being too bold, I would point out that your absenting yourself might be more likely to lead to... shall we say, reckless behavior on their part than if you were to stay close."

Mairead thought this over. Dumbledore passed the time by gazing pleasantly at the ceiling, tapping his thumbs together lightly. Eventually, Mairead nodded slowly. "Okay."

"Excellent!" Dumbledore said, smiling warmly. "I'm glad that we were able to clarify matters a bit."

"I... would it be all right if I maybe didn't go into hiding, though?" Mairead asked hesitantly. "At least, not right now? I just... I have jobs and -"

"Mairead," Remus finally spoke up. "What job is worth your life?"

Mairead looked down at the table, pressing her hands flat onto its scrubbed surface. "It's not that, it's just..." She raised a hand to her mouth and nibbled on a fingernail. "I've lived like that before," she said eventually. "I've lived in fear of my father before. I've structured my life around hiding from him. I've let my fear of him drive my actions, and the choices I make. I'm tired of it. If I go into hiding, I'm letting him win by default because I'm too scared to play."

"This isn't a game, Mairead," Remus reminded her seriously. "This is your life."

"I know that," Mairead said, looking up and meeting his eye. "It's my life. Not his. And..." she seemed to think better of whatever she had been about to add and shook her head. "I'd just... I'm not ready to go into hiding. Not yet."

Remus looked over at Dumbledore, hoping that he would be more successful at talking some sense into Mairead, but instead found the old man smiling enigmatically at Mairead. "It is, of course, your choice," he said. "All I ask is that you be willing to reconsider your decision if we get news that your father is drawing closer."

Mairead nodded. "Sure. That sounds fair."

Dumbledore's eyes alighted on Remus once again. "If you are not to go into hiding, Mairead," he said lightly, "I wonder how you would feel about resuming your defense lessons with Remus." Mairead looked as shocked as Remus felt. Surely Dumbledore could not be suggesting that Mairead once again put her safety into Remus's hands? The headmaster knew about their affair; Arthur had told him. He knew perfectly well how outrageously Remus had taken advantage of Mairead. But Dumbledore appeared to be oblivious to their surprise and spread his hands as he said, "After all, I seem to recall that your defense skills progressed rapidly under Remus's tutelage." His eyes twinkled as he added, "And, I daresay it would make certain others feel somewhat better about your declining to go into hiding."

Mairead's mouth opened and closed soundlessly. Her cheeks had flushed a delicate pink. After a moment, she managed to say, "I - I don't want to be a burden. I mean, surely R-Remus has other obligations he needs to see to. He probably doesn't have the time to -"

It was Dumbledore's turn to cut Mairead off. "Remus, would you be able to find room in your schedule to coach Mairead? Assuming that you are willing, of course."

Remus stared at the other man, feeling dumbfounded by his request. "Er, yes," he recovered enough to say. "Yes, of course, headmaster."

"Excellent!" Dumbledore said again, clapping his hands together. "Thank you very much, indeed, Remus. I will leave it to the two of you to arrange a meeting schedule that works for the both of you. And now, I believe that I have interrupted your sleep for long enough. Mairead, please do take care of yourself, and know that you have the full support of the entire Order behind you. If there is anything you need, I humbly request that you ask first, and overanalyze later."

Mairead didn't seem to know what to say to this, so she simply ducked her head and hid behind a curtain of hair, pushed her chair back, and stood.

Remus stood as well, but shame was eating a hole in his stomach. All at once, he knew that if he did not address it with Dumbledore, it would consume him whole. "Headmaster," he said softly as the wizard in question stood and pushed his chair back in. "Could I have a word with you, please?"

"Of course," Dumbledore bowed his head. He seemed to know that Remus wished for privacy, because he turned to Mairead, nodded courteously, and said, "Good night, Mairead. You are in my thoughts, my dear."

Mairead gave him a tiny, shy smile and in a matching voice, said, "Thank you, sir." Her eyes passed over Remus briefly, but bashfulness won out over curiosity and she quickly turned and left.

Dumbledore folded his hands and politely turned his attention to Remus.

"Headmaster," Remus began. "I just... may I say one thing?"

"You may say several," answered Dumbledore.

Remus took a steadying breath, then forced himself to look up into Dumbledore's blue eyes. "You know about us. About what happened between Mairead and me."

"I do," said Dumbledore, his face inscrutable.

Remus frowned. "If you know, then... why would you want her to work with me again?" he asked. "After what I did?"

Dumbledore raised his eyebrows. "What you did, Remus, was to take a young woman with a debilitating disability and teach her how to hone the skills and abilities that she does have, and to use them to her advantage. What you did was to help Mairead turn herself into a very capable witch."

Remus shook his head. "That's - I -" he stammered. "That's not what I meant."

Dumbledore watched him seriously. "You are referring, then, to the fact that you entered into a romantic relationship with a former student," he said. "You are feeling ashamed of the fact that you developed deeper feelings for Mairead than you feel were appropriate. You believe that, by starting a romance with her, you abused your authority over her and coerced her into doing something she did not want to do."

Remus had been dreading this conversation for months now. He had agonized over it, scripted out in his head what he thought might be said, he had even had nightmares about it. But there was a distinct difference between imagining these recriminations in his head and actually hearing them spoken out loud. He had told himself he would stand tall and accept judgment, but it was all he could do just to refrain from fleeing the room. "I never meant to hurt Mairead," he said, his voice hoarse and low with shame. "Truly. I'm sorry."

"You must forgive the old and foolish for questioning the wisdom of the young and all-knowing," said Dumbledore mildly, "but if you did not intend to hurt Mairead, then why did you end your relationship with her?"

Remus was taken aback by this comment. In the absence of a response from him, Dumbledore added, "I can hardly imagine that you no longer wanted to be with her. You still want to be with her, if I am not much mistaken. And your decision runs contrary to your desire not to hurt her."

Remus shook his head. "It's too late for me not to hurt her. All I do is hurt her. I have betrayed her trust in me. Your trust in me."

"You have done nothing of the sort."

Remus looked up at Dumbledore, his eyes burning with regret and self-hatred. "You entrusted her to me. You trusted me to look out for her. To keep her safe. To do what was in her best interests. And look what I've done with your trust."

"Mairead was a student when I asked you to look out for her," said Dumbledore. "She was younger then. And you did an admirable job. I doubt any of her other teachers cared so much for her safety as you did, or did as much to ensure it. Now, however, she is no longer a student. And, while I must admit that everyone seems young to an old man like me, she is no longer quite so young as she was. She is an adult now, who can make her own choices. And, if I am not much mistaken, she has made her choice."

Remus's mouth tightened. "I made it for her," he said bitterly. "I took away her ability to decide what she wants. I'm no better than her father. I'm just as abusive. Just as depraved."

Dumbledore considered him in silence for a few long moments before he said, "Remus, I have known you since you were a young boy. And I also knew Mairead's father. And I can say with the utmost certainty that the only trait you have in common with Kenneth O'Keefe is an extremely unfortunate tendency to underestimate his daughter."

Remus looked up, caught off-guard by Dumbledore's words.

Dumbledore looked at Remus shrewdly for a long moment before speaking again. "Remus, as I have said, I have known you for a very long time. But I have also known Mairead for a very long time. And while the argument can be made that this is mere nosiness on my part, it is my belief that Mairead made up her mind whom she wanted a long time ago. And neither time, nor distance, nor... shall we say, a more complete understanding of the circumstances she would be signing on for, has had any effect whatsoever on whom she wants. Now, if you had decided to... explore her desires with her while she was still your student, you can rest assured we would have had a drastically different conversation, very probably with wands drawn. But you did not. In fact, judging from the look of shock and outrage on your face right now, I daresay you have very little understanding of just how long she has been in love with you. Regardless, you kept her safe, you kept her from engaging in behavior that I firmly believe would only have harmed her at the time, and you kept her best interests in the very center of your heart, where it is my decided belief that they have stayed, deeply misguided though your actions to that end may have been." Dumbledore fixed Remus with a piercing look. "You love Mairead," he said in a tone that clearly indicated that this was not a question.

Remus bowed his head.

"If you truly do not wish to hurt her," Dumbledore said. "then I suggest you forgive yourself for the circumstances under which you met. I suggest you respect her enough to acknowledge that she managed to fall in love with you all on her own, and not through any inappropriate interference on your part. I suggest you come to terms with your past, instead of making Mairead pay for the mistakes and prejudices of others."

Dumbledore turned then and headed for the door, but stopped and faced Remus once again when he got there. "And above all, if you love her," he concluded, "I suggest you stop this foolishness, and tell her."

Author's Note: Oof, poor Mairead! I hope this chapter wasn't too upsetting! And hey! At least somebody finally told it like it is to Remus, right? I hope you all have a wonderful week!