Author's Note: Thank you to GraceMonroe for taking the time to review!
Thank you all for sticking it out through the cliffhanger! I want to be sure to include a **TRIGGER WARNING** that this chapter has mentions of suicide. If you would like me to summarize the chapter or otherwise help you navigate around it, please don't hesitate to let me know.
Okay, I won't keep you waiting any longer, except to remind you that it'll be two weeks until I post the next chapter. I hope you all have great holidays (and Happy Belated Hanukkah to everyone finishing up their celebrations tonight!), and I'll see you again in two weeks!
Chapter Thirty-Six: Hunted
Mairead checked the time, fiddling with the pendant sitting just below the hollow of her throat. Four fifteen. Remus would still be sleeping when she got home. He had told her that, when left to his own devices, he normally slept around the clock the day after the full moon. He was quite the deep sleeper, particularly the day after the full. She wondered if she could get away with rubbing some Murtlap Essence on his back without waking him. She couldn't wait to get back home to him. At least the day had gone by more quickly than usual, since she was paired with Melissa.
"Hey, nice necklace, by the way," commented the woman in question. The two were currently perched on tiny chairs in the children's room, wiping down blocks, cars, and other hard toys with a disinfectant solution.
"Oh, thanks," said Mairead, jerking her hand away from the pendant and returning to her task.
"Did John give it to you?" Melissa asked, waggling her eyebrows teasingly.
Mairead blushed and nodded. "For Christmas," she mumbled, picking up a clipboard and waving it in front of a row of recently wiped down toys, hoping to speed up the drying process.
Mairead had found the necklace when it had fallen out of Remus's pocket. She had been too nervous to ask about it, thinking that perhaps Remus had returned it to get his money back. She had been both touched and awed when Remus had shamefacedly admitted he had been carrying it around with him, hoping for an opening to give it back to her. She had been wearing it ever since.
Melissa cackled gleefully. "Guess things are getting pretty hot and heavy, then, eh?"
Mairead laughed breathlessly. "Erm... I mean..." she hemmed.
"Has he popped the question yet?" asked Melissa, grinning.
"No," said Mairead quickly.
"Have you?"
"No!"
"Well, I don't think you'll have to wait much longer," said Melissa, sitting up straighter in her little chair. "Seems like the boy's pretty obsessed with you."
Mairead snorted. "Because he bought me a Christmas present?" she said skeptically.
"Nope. Because he's right over there."
Mairead twisted around, following where Melissa was pointing. Sure enough, Remus was standing by the circulation desk, looking around and appearing to be rather impatient.
"Erm, Melissa, can you -" Mairead began.
"Give him a kiss for me," Melissa said, smiling easily. "And ask him if he's got any brothers."
It was all Mairead could do not to break into a skip on her way over to Remus. She beamed at him with happiness and surprise. "Well, of all the gin joints in -" Remus waved a hand, and she broke off.
"What are the three spells we've been working on?" Remus demanded.
Mairead's eyes widened and she tossed a nervous look over her shoulder. "Should we really be talking about-"
"Answer me."
Mairead fell back a step at the seriousness in Remus's eyes. "Summoning, Banishing, and Liberare," she said quietly.
"Who was your guest instructor last month?" Remus followed up.
"Tonks."
Remus nodded once. "Get your things. We need to go." His voice was short and terse.
Mairead felt a sickening drop in her stomach, everything clicking into place.
He's found me.
"Wait," she said, holding up a hand and peering at Remus warily. "What gift did I leave outside your office door at Hogwarts because you were sad?"
For less than one second, the look in Remus's eyes softened. "Biscuits," he said, a hint of tenderness coming into his tone. "We ate them together in the library. You found two mugs in your desk and made us tea to go with them."
Mairead nodded. "Okay." She looked briefly over her shoulder. Melissa was still working on the toys, but she was flashing glances over every so often. Looking back at Remus, Mairead said, "I'm supposed to work until five. Can you -"
"Leave it to me." Remus reached down and took something from the circulation desk, then began walking over to Melissa. Mairead watched in awe as his gait changed, the set of his shoulders relaxed, and he became John. Giving her head a little shake, she returned to her task and hurried off to grab her coat and bag.
When she returned, Remus was still talking to Melissa, but he made his good-byes when he saw Mairead waiting for him. He walked back towards her, and over his shoulder she saw Melissa give her two thumbs up and bounce excitedly on her toes.
"Good luck!" she mouthed, grinning widely.
Mairead smiled vaguely at her and fell into step beside Remus. Once they were outside he returned to his normal mannerisms.
"What did you tell her?" asked Mairead, thinking of Melissa's giddy smile.
"I told her that I had made us dinner reservations right at five o'clock," answered Remus, his head seeming like it was on a swivel as they walked. "I told her I was planning to propose. Showed her the ring."
Mairead's eyebrows shot up. "The ring?" she repeated.
Remus reached his left hand into his pocket and pulled out an elastic, which he had twisted and doubled over until it was approximately the size and shape of a ring.
"You Confounded her?!" Mairead yelped.
"I did what I had to," Remus said unapologetically. "Where are you parked?"
"There," Mairead indicated. She noticed that Remus had his right hand inside his overcoat. She had no doubt that he was clutching his wand. "Should we really be driving though? Shouldn't we Apparate?"
Remus shook his head. "Moody and Dumbledore are going to follow us from the skies," he said.
"Dumbledore?" Mairead was agog. She had never considered her safety to merit Dumbledore's presence.
Mairead tried to ask questions on the drive back to Islington, but Remus shushed her. His sharp eyes darted all around them while they drove, out the windows and the windscreen, looking behind them through his side mirror. Remus ordered her to wait when they got back to Grimmauld Place. He got out and scanned up and down the street before pulling her door open, grabbing her by the elbow, and hauling her not entirely gently out of her seat and up the stairs to number twelve. Mairead complied silently. The last time she could remember seeing the look that was currently in Remus's eyes was when she had just gotten back from the Malfoy mission.
Remus tapped his wand on the door and ushered her inside, searching the street once more before joining her in the entrance hall. Sirius was waiting by the door, and he immediately yanked Mairead into his arms in a crushing embrace. "Anything?" she heard him ask.
"Nothing yet," answered Remus. "Let's get her down to the kitchen."
"I'll wait for the others," offered Sirius, releasing Mairead.
"Others?" Mairead asked over her shoulder as Remus guided her towards the basement.
"Moody's sent word that Kingsley and Tonks are to join us as soon as they get out of work," said Remus. When they reached the kitchen, he grabbed Mairead by the shoulders and spun her around to face him. "Are you all right?" he asked in a low voice, studying her intently.
"I'm fine," she said, trying her best to be brave and aware she was not entirely pulling it off. "You?"
Remus's arms twitched like he was going to pull her into his arms, but then he seemed to think better of it. He looked away from her, and Mairead saw him squeeze his eyes shut for a moment and swallow with effort before he looked back at her. "Did you see anything suspicious at work today?" he continued in a strained voice, ignoring her question. "Anything at all that was out of the ordinary?"
"N-no," Mairead stammered. "Like what?"
The door opened then and Remus's hands convulsively tightened on her shoulders. He steered her away from the door as Moody, Sirius, and Dumbledore walked in. Until that moment, Mairead hadn't fully believed that Dumbledore had gone out to rescue her. Her head began to swim as the reality of the situation sank in. She let out a little squeak of fear and shrank against Remus when Moody pulled out his wand and leveled it at her head.
"What task were you assigned at the Order meeting last night?" he demanded.
Mairead's mind went temporarily blank. It took her a second or two before she managed to spit out, "D'you mean helping Snape with potions stuff?"
Moody's regular eye moved over to Remus, though his magical eye stayed glued to Mairead. "Did you check, too?" he asked.
Remus nodded. "She says she hasn't seen anything odd today," he added.
"Yeah, well, plenty of excellent wizards never saw 'em coming," said Moody dismissively, but he stowed his wand nevertheless. Looking back at Mairead with both eyes, he said, "Okay, Missy, you're officially in hiding. You are not to leave headquarters anytime, for any reason. And you can't under any circumstances contact anyone outside the Order."
It took Mairead a few tries to swallow. "Oh, okay," she breathed.
Moody looked at her piercingly, like he was a bird of prey and she a mouse. "Okay, truth and honesty time," he said. "Have you told anyone - anyone - about the Order?"
"No!" cried Mairead, aghast that he would think this of her.
There was a long silence, in which Moody stared at her as though his magical eye could detect lies. After what seemed like ages, he said, "Okay, then. Let's start with close contacts. Who knows how to get ahold of you? Outside the Order, obviously."
"Erm, well, I've gotten a few owls here," said Mairead slowly.
"Not owls," Moody said. "Who knows where you lived before you lived here?"
Mairead shook her head. "Just Remus and Professor Dumbledore."
"Do any landlords know where you are? Any flatmates?" Moody pressed.
Mairead shuffled her feet awkwardly. "Erm," she hemmed, "I kind of... moved around... a bit?"
Moody nodded. "Stayed on the move. I like it. Smart," he said approvingly.
Mairead opened her mouth to correct him, but Moody was already moving on.
"All right, employers next. I'm gonna need the names of all the businesses you've worked for since graduating."
Mairead's eyes widened. "That... could take a while," she said reluctantly.
"Why, how many have there been?" asked Moody.
Mairead pulled her lips into her mouth and bit down. "Erm... like... twenty or thirty, maybe?"
Moody's grizzled eyebrows rose. "Twenty or thirty?" he repeated.
Mairead pursed her lips. "Actually, I think that might be a conservative estimate," she said. "Maybe closer to forty."
"Well, you're cautious, I'll give you that," said Moody, recovering from surprise.
Remus spoke up then. "My understanding is that most of Mairead's employers have been Muggles," he said. "Is that accurate, Mairead?"
She nodded.
"All right," Moody said, folding his arms. "How many of the forty have been in the wizarding community?"
Mairead pinched her lip and thought back. "Three or four?" she said.
"Well, that's certainly more manageable," said Moody. "Let's start with the most recent. Remus says you currently work at a library?"
Mairead nodded again. "Yeah, it's a Muggle library," she said. "The Dulwich."
"Are you currently employed anywhere in the wizarding community?"
Mairead shook her head.
"What was your last job in the wizarding community?" Moody went on.
"The Diagon Alley Library," she answered. "I worked there until about a month ago."
"You quit when your dad escaped," Moody guessed. "Good thinking. Glad to see you've already been taking steps to -"
"No," Mairead interrupted him, ashamed by all of the assumptions he had been making in her favor. "I was fired after he escaped."
There followed a brief silence.
"All right," said Moody, moving on. "I assume, then, that you used your real name in that job?"
Mairead blinked in surprise. "Yes," she said meekly. Looking around at the wizards surrounding her, she said, "Sh-should I not have? I got the job before... erm... before what happened in June."
"What's done is done," Moody said, waving a hand. "When we have more time I'll give you some tips on how to maintain a lower profile. Forty jobs! There's a point where staying on the move starts to draw more attention than just settling down quietly for a bit."
Mairead made a tiny squeak of protest, which Moody either did not hear or chose to ignore.
"Does anybody at the Diagon Alley Library know any of your previous places of residence?" he went on.
Mairead shook her head.
"What about the other wizarding places?"
"No."
"Did you tell any of your previous employers where you were going? Anyway they could string the jobs together?"
"I don't... I don't know," Mairead admitted. "I don't think so? Most of my jobs were temporary in nature. They expected people to come and go."
"Good, good..." Moody thought for a long moment. In the silence, Mairead stole a glance at Dumbledore, whose hands were folded gracefully in front of him and who was watching Moody work in respectful silence. "All right, then," he said. "It doesn't sound like you've left many - if any - breadcrumbs for them to follow. I think to be safe, though, we'll at least want to take care of your coworkers at the Muggle library." He looked over Mairead's head at Remus, who was still standing behind her. "How's your Memory work?" he asked.
"So-so," Remus said at the same time that Mairead made a soft cry of protest.
"Wait, what?!" she gasped. She took a step away from Remus and looked back and forth between him and Moody, gaping. "You don't mean Obliviate them!"
Remus's mouth tightened, but his eyes were sympathetic. "It's for their safety as much as yours," he said gently.
Mairead blinked rapidly and tried to take this in. If her father found out she had been working in that library, there was not a doubt in her mind that he would torture and murder his way through every single member of the staff there to get to her and not lose a moment's sleep over it. Eventually she nodded sorrowfully.
Moody looked over at Dumbledore. "I will ask Filius to visit the library," said Dumbledore. Turning to Mairead, in a kind voice he added, "He has a very light touch with Memory Charms, Mairead. He will not cause any harm to anyone. It will simply be as though you had never worked there."
Mairead was surprised to find herself blinking back tears at the thought, but she swallowed with effort and nodded.
"Why don't we all have a seat?" Dumbledore suggested. "I imagine that Mairead would like to know what has happened. As would I, as it happens."
Mairead took a seat at the table with the four wizards. She felt intensely awkward being the center of attention, particularly with Dumbledore. Historically, the only times she had been the center of attention with the headmaster had been when she was in trouble in school. But Dumbledore looked more serious now than he ever had when discussing her poor academic performance. He sat facing her with Moody on his right side, and Mairead was flanked by Sirius and Remus. Remus sat quite still, but Mairead noticed that he was paler than usual, and a muscle was jumping in his jaw. Mairead wanted to reach for him, but didn't know if doing so would make things better, or worse. He was so stiff and stressed that he seemed almost angry. She wondered if she had done anything wrong.
Sirius also seemed intensely worried, but rather than distancing himself the way Remus was, he scooted his chair close to Mairead and held her hand. He kept squeezing her fingers as if to reassure her, but Mairead wondered if this was for her benefit or his own.
"Alastor, if you would be so kind," Dumbledore prompted.
"I was monitoring the receivers this afternoon," Moody began in his gruff voice. "I've been keeping a close ear out ever since Potter's interview came out. Figured Malfoy would be none too pleased that his name was dropped in the article. Turns out I was right. He's pissed, and he's not the only one. This was a big blow to the secrecy Voldemort's been trying to operate in. He wants to batten down the hatches, and so he's checking the trustworthiness of his inner circle. He wants to make sure he has the loyalty not only of his Death Eaters but their families. Obviously he knows that Malfoy, Nott, Crabbe, and Goyle all have sons, and in the meeting they fell all over themselves assuring him that their sons love and worship him. But it wasn't enough for Voldemort. He wanted their kids to be officially inducted into the ranks. Wants to give them all the Dark Mark to ensure their fealty."
Dumbledore nodded. "I suspected it was only a matter of time before Voldemort started looking to the next generation to increase his follower base," he said. "Did their fathers agree?"
"Well, that's where things went off-track," Moody said. "Malfoy spoke up then. 'What about the other children?' he asked. 'You know of the loyalty of our sons, but what of the fallen away family members?' Seemed to me Malfoy, at least, wasn't too keen on getting Draco involved. Wanted to change the focus, get the attention off his own kid. So he starts pointing at Rookwood and Travers and asking them why their kids aren't there."
"Julia Rookwood left the country," Mairead spoke up quietly. "I think she lives in America now. And Adam Travers is dead."
Moody looked over at her. "Adam's dead?" he asked. "When?"
"A few years ago," Mairead whispered. "Suicide."
"How do you know all this?" asked Sirius.
"They were both at St. Hedwig's, too," Mairead said. "They were both older than me."
"I hadn't heard that about Adam," said Moody. "He was another one of the kids I worked with. Wouldn't testify the way you did. Come to think of it, I don't think anybody ever got him to talk about the things he witnessed."
"He never wanted to," Mairead breathed. "He never told anybody what was going on inside his head. None of us had any idea anything was wrong until..." Sirius squeezed her hand again.
"Adam is deeply missed," said Dumbledore solemnly. "But I am afraid I must ask that we return our attention to Alastor's account of the meeting at Malfoy Manor."
At that moment, though, the door opened, and Tonks entered the room, followed by Kingsley.
"What's going on?" Tonks asked immediately. "Mad-Eye said -"
"There's been news," Moody said as the two Aurors sat down at the table. "The long and short of it is, Voldemort's ordering the prodigal children of his followers to be found. They're going to be given a chance to join ranks, and if they don't..." He made a slicing gesture with one finger across his throat.
"Thanks for that, Mad-Eye," said Sirius acidly.
Tonks looked back and forth between Moody and Mairead, mouth hanging open. "But what's that mean for Mairead, though?" she asked. "Once he finds out she's a Squib You-Know-Who'll hardly want her as a Death Eater, will he? It's not like she can torture and kill people or anything. Oh, no offense," she added hastily.
"Erm, none taken?" said Mairead uncertainly.
"That's just it," said Moody, pointing at Tonks. "He already knows. Malfoy told him. Pissed O'Keefe off something fierce."
Mairead closed her eyes briefly and passed her free hand over her mouth, wiping off the sheen of sweat that had formed on her upper lip.
"Obviously she's no good to him," Moody continued. "So he's ordered that she be disposed of."
Peripherally, Mairead saw Remus raise a hand to his forehead and press the knuckle of one thumb to his eyebrow.
"I am glad to see that Mairead is safe," Kingsley said in his calming voice. "Will she be staying here or going to Hogwarts?"
"Here," Remus spoke up, sounding surprised. Then, looking over at Mairead, he said, "Oh... er, right?"
Mairead looked uncertainly over at Dumbledore, who spread his hands and said, "You are most welcome to seek asylum at Hogwarts, should you so choose, Mairead. It is your choice entirely."
"Erm, I'd rather stay here, if that's okay," she said in a tiny voice. Dumbledore bowed his head in acknowledgement.
"So where does that leave us?" Kingsley asked, looking around.
"The conversation focused on four witches and wizards, all children of Death Eaters," said Moody. "We've accounted for three of them. Mairead says Rookwood's daughter is estranged and living in America, Travers's son killed himself, and then obviously there's Mairead here. That just leaves -"
"Sophie," Mairead breathed. The bottom dropped out of her stomach.
"Yeah," said Moody. "Sophia Rosier? You know her?"
Mairead stared at him in mute horror.
"Ms. Rosier was also a ward of St. Hedwig's, Alastor," Dumbledore said. "She is a year younger than Mairead and just graduated last year."
"But, but why Sophie?" Mairead asked. "Her father is dead. She doesn't have any living links to You-Know-Who. Why does he care? Why can't he just leave her alone?"
Moody looked at her like he'd expected better of her. "When does he ever leave anything alone?" he asked. "He doesn't like loose ends, that's why."
Mairead slipped her hand out of Sirius's grasp and scrubbed both hands over her face. "Okay," she said once she gathered her thoughts. "Sophie shouldn't be too difficult to track down. She lives on Pudicitia Street in Chelsea with her boyfriend, Erik Gibbon. I can take you there. Or tell you how to get to her place, I guess, since I'm not supposed to go anywhere."
When silence met her statement, she looked around. Everyone was looking at her with the same look of mingled pity and guilt. No one seemed to want to speak.
"What?" she said.
Finally, Moody spoke up. "Rosier is not our priority," he said.
Mairead blinked. "I don't understand," she said, frowning. "What does that mean?"
"It means that we are not going to mount an extraction for her," Kingsley explained.
Mairead laughed, a short, hysterical burst, certain this must be some sort of joke that was going over her head. She looked at Remus for clarification. His mouth tightened. "I'm sorry," he said.
Mairead's mouth moved, but nothing came out except confused, wordless sounds. "I don't understand," she repeated. Looking around at Moody, she said, "Sophie's not a Death Eater. She's not. Believe me."
"That may be the case," said Moody unemotionally. "But that doesn't change the plan."
"What's the plan?" asked Mairead, certain that she was still just misunderstanding.
"The plan is to keep you alive," said Sirius.
"I am alive," said Mairead, gesturing at herself as if providing proof of her words. "I'm alive. Now we have to make sure Sophie stays alive, too."
Sirius sighed and massaged his brow. "It's not actually that simple," he said in a low voice.
"Why not?" asked Mairead, hearing the jerky tone come into her voice but not in enough control to stop it.
"Because we were lucky to get you back alive," Remus spoke up from beside her. Mairead whipped her head around to look at him. "We were extremely fortunate that we got to you before they did. It's likely that the only reason they didn't find you first was because you've moved around so much and have few ties to the magical community. There's nothing we can do for Sophie."
Mairead stared at him incredulously. "What do you mean there's nothing we can do for her?" she demanded. "We pull her out! We go in and we pull her out the same way you did me."
"We can't do that," said Remus.
"Why not?"
"Mairead, stop and think about this," Remus said. "We're not supposed to have this information. Using intelligence you're not supposed to have is always highly risky. The only reason we even knew about Voldemort's orders was because of the listening device you planted. If we go and pull Sophie out - if not only one, but both of his targets suddenly disappear into thin air - he'll know we knew of his plans. They could find out about the bug and dismantle it and that'll be the end of it."
"So WHAT?!" Mairead cried.
"Mairead, you and Arthur spent ages working on those bugs," Tonks said, leaning forward on her elbows, her face earnest. "That's not to mention the risks so many people, including yourself, took to plant them. Think about all we've learned because of them! Think about the things we could still learn from them. Those bugs could save hundreds of lives, not just one. But if they're found, it's all over. Do you really want to let them go to waste?"
Mairead fixed Tonks with a look of such fury that Tonks dropped her gaze. "Let them go to waste?" she said in a deadly whisper, her volume rising as she continued. "Let them go to waste? Since when is prioritizing a human life over a - over a, a thing a waste?!" She turned back to the group at large and cried, "What is the point of planting a bug if we're not going to act on the information we get from it?!"
"We did act on the information we got from it," said Remus in a patient tone that made Mairead want to scream. "And we took a major risk just doing that. Intelligence is a delicate game, Mairead."
"This isn't a game, it's a LIFE!" Mairead yelled. "This is someone's life!" She looked over at Dumbledore. "You're just going to let her die? She was your student!" Turning back to Remus, she added, "She was your student! How can you just sit there and do nothing?!"
"I understand that you are upset," Dumbledore said. He had a grave look on his face that the nasty voice in Mairead's head told her was fake. "We all do. This decision was not made lightly."
"Oh, really?" Mairead challenged. "How long did you deliberate it? Because I can't imagine you sat on this information for very long before Remus pulled me out at four thirty, and it's -" she made a show of shaking her sleeve out of the way and checking her watch, "-five fifteen now. So tell me: exactly how long did you mull over whether to send an innocent person to her death? How many seconds of serious, solemn contemplation did you devote to the idea before you decided you just couldn't be bothered?"
Silence followed her words. She stared Dumbledore down, feeling reckless, feeling like a brat, and not caring. Dumbledore met her gaze steadily, his face unreadable. Finally, he said, "I do not ask you to agree with my decision, Mairead. But I do ask that you try to understand."
Mairead's vision started to blur. The room suddenly felt too hot. She felt like she was swaddled in stiflingly hot blankets. "No," she breathed. "No, I will not try to understand. We're supposed to be the good guys! How can you ask me to understand how you can know someone is going to die and decide to do nothing?"
Beside her, Sirius muttered, "She might not die."
Mairead looked over at him. "What do you mean?"
Sirius made a small gesture with his hands. "I mean... she is a Rosier."
Mairead leveled him with the same look she had given Tonks. "And I'm an O'Keefe," said Mairead coldly. "What's your point?"
Sirius held her gaze unflinchingly. "You know my point," he said evenly. "Not everyone is like you, Mairead."
"Sophie is!" Mairead insisted. "I know - I grew up with her. She's like a sister to me! Sophie would never become a Death Eater. Never! She hates them even more than I do! She'd die first."
"Then she'll die." Mairead looked at Tonks, taken aback by the look of anger on the Auror's face and the harsh note to her voice. "This is war. People die. Grow up, Mairead."
"Yeah, people die." Mairead's voice was beginning to shake. "They have a funny way of doing that when the people who know they're in danger sit around and do fuck-all about it." She turned entreatingly to Moody. "Please!"
Moody did not look unsympathetic, but he shook his head nevertheless and said, "I'm sorry, kid. It's a tactical risk we can't take."
Mairead's breath hitched. "She won't go with them! She'll never agree to join them! She's always sworn she'd fight."
"Then she will fight," said Dumbledore. "And perhaps she will live."
Mairead stared at him stonily. "You don't honestly expect me to believe that, do you?" she said scathingly.
To her surprise, Dumbledore answered readily. "No," he said calmly. "I do not. But I do expect you to follow orders. And my orders are that no one is to approach Sophie. No one is to go anywhere near her flat, or even to her street. Alastor is right. It is a tactical risk we cannot afford to take. Do you understand, Mairead?"
Dumbledore's periwinkle eyes and snow white hair blurred as Mairead's eyes filled. "I can't believe you," she whispered. "You're no better than him. All you care about is winning. Like it's all just some... some chess game to you! You're the white king, right? And he's the black king. And people are just pawns to you - to you both! You don't care how many pieces you have to sacrifice, so long as at the end you're still standing and he's down. You're just like him!"
Silence met her words. It was as if everyone at the table had silently agreed that they were finished indulging her temper tantrum. After nearly a minute of silence, Kingsley said, "Let's move on."
Mairead pushed her chair back and stood.
"Mairead," said Remus in a warning tone. He took her by the wrist, but in one slick move Mairead twisted her hand and freed her arm from his grasp.
"No," she said, her voice quaking more than ever now. "I'm not going to sit here with a bunch of people who just condemned a woman to death because they think her life is worth less than a machine. No way. If this is what you're all willing to do in order to win, then you've already lost. And I don't want any part of it."
She broke away from the table and made for the door. Behind her, she heard a chair scrape, and Tonks say, "Let her go, Remus. We'll get through this faster without her fighting us every step of the way."
Mairead closed the door behind her and ran up the stairs. She wanted to scream. She wanted to destroy every object inside the house. She wanted to throw furniture and roar at the impotent fury raging within her. Her vision blurred with tears as she walked across the landing and she had to stop and bury her face in her hands. She opened her mouth in a silent howl of misery. She didn't know what to do. She had been ordered to stay in the house, and yet every other person inside the house filled her with disgust and explosive anger. She imagined them, downstairs, continuing to plot and plan, unmoved by the knowledge that their decisions cost lives.
Without meaning to, her knees bent and she collapsed on the stairs, crying helplessly. What was Sophie going to do? What was going to happen to her? What in the world could she, Mairead, do about this?
Her eyes snapped open, her very tears pausing as the seed of an idea planted itself in her brain. She knew what Sophie would do if the situations were reversed.
Cautiously, Mairead pushed herself back up onto her feet. She listened carefully for the sounds of the meeting letting out, and heard nothing. Holding her breath, she withdrew her wand and turned to the door. She knew she was taking an enormous risk. She knew that she would be completely on her own if this went poorly.
You're already on your own, she reminded herself.
Sucking in a deep breath and holding it inside her lungs, Mairead undid the many locks on the doors, listened once more, and then turned the knob and stepped out into the raw February evening. She did up what locks she could, then turned and looked up and down the street. There was no one around.
Mairead closed her eyes, envisioned Chelsea, and turned on the spot.
Remus had half risen from his seat to go after Mairead, but at Tonks's urging, he sat back down in his chair. He wasn't sure what he would say to Mairead even if he did go after her. A heavy silence lay over the room. He looked over at Sirius to get his take, but the other man was staring at Mairead's vacated seat, a troubled expression on his face.
Mad-Eye broke the silence. "There are a couple of other loose ends I think we ought to address," he said. "Mairead's car will have to be gotten rid of."
Remus winced and pressed his fingertips to a point on his eyebrow that had been throbbing ever since he had awoken. Mairead wasn't going to like losing her car.
Not as much as she won't like losing another of her closest friends, his brain helpfully decided to remind him. He had fallen back into brooding over what Mairead had said when he realized Moody had asked the room a question.
"I mean, I can drive a motorbike, but I don't imagine I'd be allowed to leave and stash the car," said Sirius, less sullenly than he usually sounded when talking about his confinement.
"No, I am afraid not, Sirius," said Dumbledore. Was it just Remus, or did even the headmaster look perturbed?
"I can take care of it," Remus offered.
Moody glanced at him. "You know how to drive?"
"Mairead taught me over the summer," said Remus, guilt lancing at him at the memory of how happy and carefree Mairead had been that day. She loved her car. "I know enough to be able to get rid of her car."
"Good enough," said Moody. "I'll figure out a place for you to dump it and let you know the location."
Remus nodded and looked down at his hands.
"What else?" Moody asked the table.
After a pause, Tonks spoke up. "She has a mobile."
"What's that?" asked Kingsley.
"It's like a telephone, but it's not attached to the wall the way they normally are in Muggle homes," Tonks explained.
"All ways of getting in touch with her will have to go," Moody said. "Remus? Do you think you can get Mairead to give it to you?"
"I think she keeps it in her car," Remus said. "I can destroy it when I move the car."
"Good," Moody said.
The pain behind Remus's eyebrow was steadily spreading across his forehead. It didn't feel right to have this conversation without Mairead in the room. She should at least be present while decisions were being made about her possessions - particularly possessions that were probably her most valuable. He wondered how to approach her after the meeting let out. She was probably crying in their bedroom at that very moment. The thought of her curled up in a ball in bed, sobbing into a pillow, all alone with no one to comfort her made him clench his jaw. He yearned to leave the table, go upstairs, and pull her into his arms. He wanted to rock her and soothe her and tell her how very important she was to him.
But even as the thought of doing so filled him, he knew she would never allow it. He was complicit in the plans she objected so passionately to. He wondered whether she would even speak to him. Perhaps he should see about sleeping on the guest bed again tonight.
Dumbledore thankfully adjourned the meeting a few minutes later. "I thank all of you most sincerely for your work this evening," he said. "Your quick action likely saved Mairead's life. And now, if you will forgive the hasty departure, I must get back to Hogwarts before my absence is noticed." In a rustle of billowing robes, he turned and was gone.
The group rose from the table and started for the door. Sirius half-heartedly invited everyone to stay for dinner, but no one was in the mood to eat. They all began shuffling up the stairs. Sirius sidled up to Remus and muttered, "I have a nasty feeling we're on the wrong side of this, Moony."
Remus sighed. A weary shake of his head was all the response he could muster. His mind was preoccupied with figuring out what, exactly, he could say to Mairead that she would hear. By the time they reached the landing he had half decided to give her the night to cool down and make his approach in the morning, when he was brought out of his thoughts by a disgruntled sound from Mad-Eye.
"Hey, now, what the hell is this?" came Moody's voice from the head of the crowd. "Who was the last person through this door?"
"I was," said Kingsley.
"Then do you wanna explain to me what you were doing leaving half the wards undone?" Moody made a frustrated gesture at the long line of locks running down the door. "It isn't enough to lock up, you've got to -"
"Oh, shit," breathed Sirius, saying out loud precisely what Remus was thinking.
Remus shoved his way to the front of the crowd. "Alastor," he said urgently. "Scan the house."
Moody looked intently at him with both eyes. "What am I looking for?" he asked.
Remus tried to force down the panic rising within himself. "Mairead."
Immediately, Moody's electric blue eye started swirling and whirling in its socket.
"She wouldn't..." Tonks said uncertainly.
Moody sighed. "She would and she did," he said grimly. "Shit. I can't believe I let her leave the room. I should've known better; she's always been a flight risk."
"What're we going to do?" asked Tonks frantically.
"There is nothing we can do," Kingsley said. "Rosier's street is probably already surrounded."
"And depending on how long ago she left, they may already have her," Moody added, checking his watch. "Dammit. The best we can do is -"
Remus did not wait to hear Mad-Eye's opinion on the best they could do. The best they could do was what had gotten them into this situation. He pushed his way through the crowd and opened the locks Mairead had done up on her way out. Behind him, everyone but Sirius began to protest.
"What do you think you're doing?!"
"Remus, stop!"
"You heard Dumbledore's orders -"
Remus ignored them all and wrenched the door open. He stepped out into the pouring rain, only to have his shirt snagged by someone. He turned around to find Tonks clutching a handful of his sleeve.
"Remus, you can't go!" she said. "You'll be totally outnumbered. And besides, we're not supposed to -"
"Let go or you're coming along for the ride, Tonks," Remus growled.
Tonks quailed under the ferocity of his stare and released him. Before anyone could say another word, Remus turned on his heel and Disapparated.
When Mairead opened her eyes, she was in a posh neighborhood surrounded by grand townhouses. She started up the street, eyes peeled for Sophie's house number. It had started to rain since she had gotten back from the library, but she heard rather than felt the raindrops, focused as she was on her hunt. She kept her wand clutched tightly in her hand as she walked, listening for anything that could tip her off that she was not alone - the sound of a cloak whooshing, the snap of someone else Apparating, whispered voices - but heard nothing.
When her gaze alighted on number eight, her heart gave a leap. The windows were lit from the inside. Sophie must be home.
Her head moving on a swivel, Mairead started up the steps. She took a deep breath and rang the bell.
Mairead could feel her heart beating in her ears while she waited for someone to answer the door. She kept tossing nervous looks over her shoulder, expecting at any moment to see hooded, masked figures descending upon her. Very well, if that was to happen, she would rather die fighting for Sophie than live comfortably in hiding while Sophie suffered and died alone.
She gasped lightly when she heard a noise on the other side of the door. The door opened, and there stood Sophie. Mairead allowed herself the briefest moment to take in her friend's face, her straight, dark hair and matching dark eyes. Eyes that were wide and round and staring at Mairead in abject shock.
"What are you doing here?!" Sophie hissed.
"Sophie I - wait, what?"
Sophie tossed a hasty glance over her shoulder before leaning closer to Mairead. "You need to go," she said in a low voice. "Now."
Mairead shook her head, hoping to dispel her confusion as she did. "Sophie, I don't have time to explain," she said rapidly. "But you need to come with me right now. There's no time to pack. Just bring your wand."
Sophie shot another look behind her before stepping out onto the stoop, pulling the door mostly closed behind her. "Mairead, I'm serious, you need to leave right now," she said in a hushed, serious voice, her eyes still wide with what Mairead now realized was fear. "Get out and get as far away from here as you can."
"Sophie, you need to listen to me," Mairead said urgently. "You-Know-Who is back. He's been back since June. I know that sounds mad but you have to believe me. He's back and the Death Eaters are looking for you."
Sophie's expression of severity and urgency shifted and morphed into hopelessness and sorrow. "Oh, May," she breathed, her voice wavering, "they found me a long time ago."
Mairead stopped breathing. She felt as though the brick steps she was standing on had dropped out from under her feet. She stared at Sophie in bafflement. Sophie glanced back over her shoulder again, and then back at Mairead with a significant look in her eyes.
"Erik?" Mairead whispered, horror-struck.
Sophie nodded, her eyes bright. "I didn't know until we had been living together for a few months," she said in a hushed voice. "He's completely obsessed with You-Know-Who. That's the only reason he asked me out. He's asked me a million questions about what it's like among the Death Eaters. He keeps asking about you, too. He's been trying to cozy up to Malfoy and Macnair at the Ministry, trying to get an in. He hasn't had any success, but tonight he got an owl with an invitation to dinner at Malfoy Manor. For both of us."
Mairead focused on taking deep breaths, determined not to let the panic attack she could feel nipping at her heels take control over her. "Okay," she said, "Y-you just need to come with me. Right now. Just come with me."
A tear slipped down Sophie's face. Mairead could not recall the last time she had seen Sophie cry. "No, you need to go, May," she said. "They'll be looking for you, too. Erik's been asking about you for ages. It's like he's some sort of... of... fan of your father's. He's been asking to meet you. Why do you think I haven't been in touch in ages?"
Mairead's head was spinning as all the pieces fell into place. She had assumed Sophie was just busy. She had assumed Sophie was happy. She had no idea that Sophie had been living with a madman for half a year. "That doesn't matter now," she said, shaking her head. "I know a safe place. You need to just abandon everything and come with me - I can protect you!"
Sophie sighed fretfully. "You can't even protect yourself, Mairead," she said apologetically. "You need to go." Mairead opened her mouth to argue, but Sophie cut her off with, "I can handle myself. Now go!"
Mairead felt like the world was filling with fuzz. She shook her head. "Sophie -" she tried.
"Go, Mairead!" Sophie hissed. "Please. I love you. Please. Turn around and go."
Mairead's lips were trembling so hard it made it difficult to speak, but she managed to choke out, "I - how am I supposed to just leave you?"
Sophie sniffled and impatiently wiped her eyes. "Because I'm fucking telling you to," she said, drawing herself up to her full height.
For a second, Mairead saw her as the majestic girl she had been at school: cool, confident, and utterly in control. But then the illusion was gone, and Mairead saw the frightened little girl whose nightmares were almost identical to her own, the girl whose tears Mairead had dried, the girl who had dried countless tears of Mairead's.
Sophie scrunched up her face, squeezing her eyes closed as tight as they would go. When she opened them, she said, "If you love me, you'll go."
She turned at that and headed back into her house. Mairead watched her go, mouthing wordlessly in despair and misery. She reached for Sophie through the narrowing crack in the door. Sophie hesitated, then took Mairead's hand, squeezing it tightly for less than a second.
Then she shoved Mairead's hand out of the way and closed the door with a snap. Mairead could hear her doing up the locks from the inside.
It was as though someone had suddenly turned up the volume on the rain. Mairead had the vague impression that it had actually been pouring for some time now, and she just had not been aware of it. She turned, numb from head to toe, and stumbled down the stairs back to the pavement, slipping once on the slick bricks. She started back up the street in the direction she had come, unclear on where she was going. She had only taken a few steps, however, when she saw something a few doors up that made her heart stop.
A man was coming down the street, marching purposefully towards her. The man passed beneath a lamp post just as Mairead opened her mouth to scream.
It was Remus.
He rapidly closed the distance between them. Even in the dim light, Mairead could see that his face was white, and his eyes were on fire with rage. Without a word, he seized Mairead by the arm and turned them both on the spot.
Remus knew he was being too rough with Mairead as he pulled her up the stairs to number twelve, but Mairead didn't protest. She climbed the stairs silently, her mind clearly back on Pudicitia Street. He raised his wand and tapped the door, then shot a wary look over his shoulder at the street behind them while waiting for the locks to undo themselves.
Everyone was waiting for them in the entrance hall. Remus expected Sirius to share his fury with Mairead, but all Padfoot did when he saw Mairead was close his eyes, pass a hand over his face, and sigh in relief.
Very well. That was fine. He had plenty he could think of to say to Mairead without his friend's help. He released Mairead's arm. "Upstairs," he said shortly. "Drawing room." The last thing he needed was for the portraits to go off while he was shouting at Mairead.
Mairead complied, still not speaking, though her face spoke of the shock and distress from whatever had happened at Sophie's flat. Everyone crept up the stairs after her. As soon as they were inside the drawing room, Remus stepped in front of Mairead and folded his arms. "You were under orders," he said.
Mairead met his eye then, and nodded once, looking numb.
"So, if you had enough presence of mind to understand that you were under orders, perhaps you can explain to me why you felt free to disregard them and act as you saw fit?"
He expected Mairead's temper to flare then. He expected her to get defensive, to get tetchy and jerk away and start shouting at him. He did not expect her eyes to go unfocused and for her to stare past him as if he were not there, a look of unspeakable grief in her eyes.
"For God's sake, Mairead, your life is in danger!" Remus said. "How could you be so irresponsible? I thought better of you than this. Are you trying to get yourself killed?! Why can't you ever do as you're told?!" When Mairead gave no indication she had even heard him, he thought he might lose his mind. Sirius must have seen that Remus was at his wits' end, and stepped forward.
"Lay off, Moony," he said, grabbing Remus by one shoulder. "Can't you see she's had enough for one day?"
Remus whirled on Sirius. "Why aren't you backing me up on this?" he demanded. "You've been in hiding for months and you haven't broken your cover. She couldn't even last an hour! Why are you taking her side?"
"Because I would've done the same thing if it'd been James," Sirius said evenly. "And so would you."
Remus gaped wordlessly at Sirius for several seconds before returning to what he felt was solid ground. "She was under orders," he insisted. Turning back to Mairead, he said, "You were under orders not to go anywhere near Rosier's place."
"Yeah, and so were you," Moody spoke up. "Dumbledore's orders applied to all of us. None of us was even supposed to be on Rosier's street. And yet, what's the first thing you did when you found out someone you loved was in danger?"
Remus opened his mouth to argue but found he could not form words. He had no excuse. He was saved from forming a response by Kingsley, who had brought up the rear of the group and said, "Dumbledore is on his way back."
"You have confirmed it's her, haven't you, Lupin?" Moody asked.
Remus blinked and looked down at Mairead. He had not. In his haste he had forgotten the number one rule when meeting someone outside of headquarters - the rule he, himself, had taught Mairead. He looked back at Moody and gave his head a single shake.
Something passed over Moody's expression, something that looked less like annoyance and more like sympathy. "I'll handle it," he growled softly. In a surprisingly tender gesture, he took Mairead's hand in both of his own and led her away from where everyone else was clustered. Then, Mad-Eye leaned in towards Mairead until she was forced to break out of her daze and meet his eyes. "What did you confide to me that I promised would never come up in your father's trial?" he asked. Again, Remus was struck by the compassion in the grizzled Auror's voice.
Mairead's eyes flitted nervously over to where everyone else was standing. Mad-Eye leaned in so that she could speak in his ear. Mairead whispered her answer so softly that even Remus's sensitive ears could not pick up what she said. It must have been correct though, because Moody nodded and released her hand. "I've kept my promise to you," he said, still in the caring tone Remus had never heard from him before. It struck him that he was hearing the way Moody must have spoken to Mairead when she was a child, just recently rescued from a nightmare of a home. "I've never told another soul what you told me. And now I need you to make me a promise. I need you to stay here. We do things the way we do for a reason, Mairead. It's not always fair; it's often not pretty. But if you want to stay alive it's the way things have got to be from now on. Understand?"
Mairead's features started to twitch and tremble. She pulled in a shaking gasp. In a shrill, tight voice she said, "I was too late."
Moody nodded, his face sympathetic. "I figured you would be," he said. "They move fast."
Mairead hiccoughed and clamped a hand over her mouth. "I-I couldn't help her," she said, her voice breaking as she started to cry. "She's been trapped for months. She's been in danger for months and I - I - I didn't even -" Mairead broke down entirely then. Moody reached for her shoulders and steadied her as she wavered on her feet.
"C'mon, we're not needed here," Sirius said to Kingsley and Tonks. He jerked his head towards the door and ushered the two Aurors out of the room.
Remus walked over to where Mad-Eye was supporting Mairead, "Here," he said softly, reaching out for Mairead. Mad-Eye nodded approvingly and guided Mairead over towards Remus.
"I'll go wait for Dumbledore," said Moody, stumping heavily towards the door. "Give you two some privacy for a few minutes."
Remus looked down at the weeping girl. He saw then what Sirius had seen. He saw his own grief and pain reflected back at him in the form of Mairead, grieving someone she had loved like a sibling. Gritting his teeth against the loss, which simultaneously felt old as time and fresh as the day it had happened, he put his arms around Mairead and let her cry into his chest.
He wanted to harden his heart to Mairead's suffering. He wanted to hold onto his anger, convinced that if he let it go, Mairead would slip between his fingers again, and cognizant of the fact that he couldn't reasonably expect to get lucky finding her unharmed three times in a row. But he had never been any good at shutting Mairead out. He had never achieved any lasting, meaningful success at guarding his heart against her. It was bewildering to him: Mairead was the one without any natural defenses, and yet Remus was always the one left feeling vulnerable.
Remus took a steadying breath and tried to hold the line. "What were you thinking, Mairead?" he said, his voice not nearly as stern as he was aiming for.
"I'm sorry," Mairead cried weakly. "I love her... I love her. I'm sorry."
Remus tipped his head back and stared at the ceiling, trying to maintain his composure. "Love is a weakness you can't afford right now," he scolded her halfheartedly.
"I am afraid I must disagree with you most strenuously," came Dumbledore's voice from the doorway. "Love is not a weakness. It is a strength."
Mairead pulled away from Remus, swiping hastily at her face, shame and embarrassment entering her features. She was staring at the ground, but Remus could tell from the set of her shoulders and the way her hands shook that she was bracing herself for a blow.
But one look at Dumbledore told Remus that a blow was not coming. "I owe you my sincerest apologies, Mairead," the older wizard said solemnly. Mairead looked up sharply. Her eyes were wary as she watched Dumbledore slowly approach. "And I also owe you my thanks," Dumbledore continued. He stopped in front of Mairead and Remus and folded his hands.
Addressing Remus, he said, "I sometimes wonder if somewhat too much credit is given to Gryffindors and Slytherins for their remarkable qualities. Certainly their natural proclivities lead them to accomplishments that are unquestionably showy and attractive. But do you know, after so many years that I have been at Hogwarts, first as a teacher and then as headmaster, I have come to respect and admire Hufflepuff characteristics as among the rarest and most valuable qualities a person can have.
"And that," he continued, now looking at Mairead, who was still avoiding his gaze, "is the reason both for my remorse and my gratitude. Mairead, your moral compass points true north. At many times throughout your young life, you have demonstrated, not just an instinct for what is right, but a readiness to do what is right. You have shown, time and again, a willingness to sacrifice your own safety for the safety of others, first when you testified before the Wizengamot, again when you stood between an escaped convict and your fellow students, again when you joined the Order, again when you went back to Malfoy Manor... and again this evening. At the end of term feast last year, I made a speech before the entire student body of Hogwarts. I told them that the time would come when they would have to make a choice between what was right, and what was easy. Today, I chose what was easy, and for that, I owe you my deepest apologies. You, on the other hand, chose what was right, even though doing so went against direct orders, and required you to stand up to a group of people you have, if I am not much mistaken, come to view as your friends. And for that, I owe you my most sincere thanks."
Dumbledore turned back to Remus then. "Love is not a weakness," he repeated. "It is a strength. And if we forget that, if we lose sight of why we are fighting, and whom we are fighting for, then Mairead is correct: and we are no better than Lord Voldemort himself."
"It doesn't matter though," said Mairead hoarsely. "It doesn't matter what I did. I was too late."
"Yes, Alastor told me that you had said as much," Dumbledore nodded. "Did you encounter any Death Eaters at Sophie's residence?"
Remus looked at Mairead then. He had been in too big of a hurry to find out what had transpired between Mairead and her friend.
Mairead shook her head. "No, but..." her chin trembled, "her boyfriend -" Her voice broke and she looked down at the ground. Remus silently offered her a handkerchief.
A sharp look came into Dumbledore's blue eyes, but his voice remained calm as he asked, "Erik Gibbon is a Death Eater?"
"Aspiring Death Eater," Mairead spat bitterly, bunching the handkerchief and holding it to her nose. "He's going to sell her to the Death Eaters. In exchange for membership."
"I see," said Dumbledore. He contemplated this information for a while. Then, he said, "Mairead, I would like you to do what you can to get a good night's rest tonight. If you will forgive me for saying so, you look about done in. Tomorrow, I will do what I can to slip away from Hogwarts for an hour or two. If you would be willing to, I should very much like your assistance in plotting an escape plan for Sophie."
Mairead's head shot up. Her eyelids fluttered in disbelief. "Do you mean it?" she asked in a barely audible voice.
"I do," Dumbledore bowed his head. "It must look serendipitous. It cannot appear to come from anyone in the Order. We shall have to be quite clever and inventive about it. But then, you have proven yourself to be quite clever and inventive yourself."
A delicate blush blossomed on Mairead's cheeks.
Dumbledore took his leave, and Kingsley and Tonks left shortly thereafter. Those remaining at Grimmauld Place decided to make an early night of it. Sirius and Mad-Eye stayed downstairs for a nightcap, leaving Remus and Mairead to make their way upstairs together. Remus opened the door to their bedroom and stood back for Mairead to walk through. When she did not walk past him he turned and saw her standing uncertainly, twisting her fingers around themselves and shifting her weight from one foot to the other nervously.
"What's the matter?" he asked.
Mairead's eyes darted from the door to the staircase leading to the upper floors, down to the threadbare carpet beneath their feet, and finally came to rest on her hands. "D-d'you... do you want me to sleep somewhere else tonight?" she asked in a small voice.
"Why?" he asked.
"Because of what I did," said Mairead, still studiously avoiding looking at him. She had her kicked puppy-dog look.
Remus closed his eyes and felt the last of his anger drain out of him at the shame and uncertainty he could feel coming off her in waves. She always had a way of breaking his heart without intending to. He stepped forward and pulled her into the protective circle of his arms. He could feel her trembling, too tense and wary to let herself relax into him.
"Oh, May," he sighed into her hair.
"I'm sorry." Her voice came out strained and shrill, like she was trying not to start crying again.
"I'm sorry, too," he said. He could feel Mairead shift in his arms, as if to pull back and look at him, but he found that, now he was finally holding her, his arms did not want to let go. "Sirius was right," he continued. "I'd be a hypocrite to lay all the blame for this evening at your feet. I would have done the same thing in your position. I did do the same thing in your position. I'm sorry for getting so angry with you. I just -"
Remus's throat surprised him then by growing so tight he had to stop speaking. He tightened his arms around Mairead, holding her as close to his chest as he could. He buried his face in her hair, rocking her back and forth and breathing in her scent, reassuring himself that she was, in fact, there, safe in his arms. After a few painful swallows, Remus found he was able to continue. "I was so afraid," he admitted, his voice rough. "Mad-Eye was right: the Death Eaters move quickly. Once Voldemort marks someone for death, they pounce. It's a competition to see who can get to the target first, all with the goal of currying favor. We didn't even know if we would be able to get to you in time the first time. And when I found out that you had left, by yourself, to go to a location we had every reason to believe would be swarming with Death Eaters..." He had to stop again.
"I'm sorry," Mairead squeaked. "I'm sorry, Remus. I know I ignored orders. I know I scared you. But Remus, I -" Remus felt her shoulders jerk and knew she had lost the battle with her tears. He smoothed a hand over her back comfortingly. "I c-can't lose someone else!" she cried. "Losing Cedric was - I -" Her voice abandoned her and she sobbed into Remus's shirt for several minutes. He held her and swayed with her, whispering soothing sounds into her hair until she quieted.
"I know," he murmured. "But Mairead -" Carefully, he disentangled her arms from around him and pulled her far enough away that he could cradle her face in his hands. Her eyes were glassy and red, and tears were still coursing down her cheeks, but he held her gaze determinedly. "I can't lose you," he whispered.
Mairead closed her eyes. Remus waited patiently for her to finish thinking this over. When she opened her eyes, she looked calmer than she had looked all evening. "Okay," she said solemnly.
Remus kissed her then. He felt her rise up on her toes to lean into the kiss. He slid the fingers of one hand through her wet, tangled curls and with the other hand he wrapped his arm around the small of her back and pulled her closer.
Mairead was safe. She was safe and she was here and she was trembling and so very fragile and precious, and, though God only knew why, she wanted him. She wrapped her arms around him and pulled away just enough to breathe his name, and Remus felt he could die right there on the spot. He walked her backwards into their room and closed the door behind them.
Remus lit the lamp with a wave of his hand, then turned his attention back to Mairead. "Let's get you out of these wet clothes," he suggested.
He reached for the hem of her blouse, but Mairead laid her hands overtop his and said, "Wait."
Remus paused, watching her tumble around the thoughts in her head. He could see worry growing in her. Her brows knitted together and anxiety was swirling in her eyes when she looked up at him and, in a small voice, asked, "Are we okay?"
Remus turned his hands over so that he could intertwine their fingers. He leaned in and pressed his forehead against hers. "We're okay," he whispered.
Author's Note: So now we all know why Sophie has been radio silent this whole time. :( Oh, but hey! I hope you'll all join me in wishing Mairead a Happy Birthday (it's tomorrow). Thanks for reading!
Song for this chapter: "We'll Be Okay," by Imaginary Future and Kina Grannis (Remus and Mairead)