Hermes hovered near Pegasus, his caduceus and a scroll in one hand so he could pet along the flying horse's mane. "Greetings, little brother!" He ducked his head so his pinkish glasses could slide down his pointed nose and smiled. "Got a message from the big Z for you. Hope you didn't have plans for the afternoon."

"I uh…" Hercules wrapped his arms around Megara. "Sort of?"

"We can get you back here in time for that, I'm sure."

"I'd… rather stay here. I was out all morning."

"This is sort of one of those important messages." Hermes unrolled his scroll and began reading. "Son! He started the message like that, with an exclamation point, sorry for yelling. Then he says, I hear you promised divine retribution for the first time! Congratulations! Isn't it fun? But I realized I never told you the rules of godhood because you ran off with your lady friend so fast. Please join me on Olympus today so we can get ahead of any future issues you may encounter. See you soon!"

"How are you going to Olympus?" Megara asked. "I thought they wouldn't let you in."

"I dunno…"

"Lemme clear that up for you," Hermes said. He pointed his caduceus at Hercules. "You're still a god. You just so happen to be disguised as a human until such a time as you change your mind."

Hercules's mouth fell open, and he stood perfectly still until he felt Megara shudder. Then he shook his head and said in his most authoritative voice, "I won't change my mind."

"Your specific words were that you wished to stay on earth with her," Hermes reminded him, gesturing at Megara with a twirl of his caduceus. "You never said you wanted to become mortal, and I'm sure you've noticed a few odd things recently, right? I mean, you have access to power you never had before."

"I've been busy," Hercules responded, feeling like an idiot. "But that wasn't what I thought was happening. I didn't agree to stay divine."

"Let's go upstairs and go over it with the big guy," Hermes suggested. "I'm sure it'll make more sense when he tells you what's going on. There are definite bonuses to being immortal. You won't age, for one thing, and you can get into as many fights as you want without dying. No monster can defeat you from here on out!"

Hercules shrugged. "Okay, but that's not really my priority."

"You should go with him," Megara said with a light touch of her fingertips against his arm. "We need to understand this before either of us makes a mistake that'll get us in trouble."

She was right, and he hated it.

"All right, but I want to be home by dark." He left Megara with a kiss on the top of her head. "Please keep her from getting lonely," he implored the others. "You're welcome to stay another day if you don't have to get back to your lives. I plan to be home all day tomorrow."

"We're fine here," Cassandra assured him. She was happy to spend more time with Megarion, no doubt. As long as the prince wasn't bothered, there was nothing to address there.

Medusa also seemed to enjoy the chance to be surrounded by friends, and he wouldn't begrudge her. Still, if he couldn't be alone with Meg soon, it was bound to turn into a real issue.

"I'm sorry," he whispered to Megara and kissed her as compensation. "I'll return as soon as I can." Not just for her sake, either. He forced himself to move away, then, or else he wouldn't manage it.

Hermes flew alongside him as he flew back away from his house. "Sorry to cut into the party, man. We tried to give you as much honeymoon time as we could, but you're one of us now. You've gotta hear all the latest."

"Don't you think you could've sent me a letter and let me look at it when I was ready?" Hercules asked. "I've had barely any time with her, and there's so much going on."

"You didn't even know her until a few months ago," Hermes said. "You seem to make good use of your time. Congrats, by the way. She didn't dump you after that yearbook thing. She's probably sticking around as long as other mortal women do."

"Meg's loyal," Hercules said, uncertain whether he ought to be annoyed with Hermes for what he said or for taking him away from home. Either way, he didn't know what to do with his temper other than to spur Pegasus on.

Hermes kept up without seeming to notice the irritation on Hercules's face. "Mortal women have a bad habit of dying for stupid reasons," Hermes continued. "As long as she doesn't do that, I'm sure you'll have a normal mortal lifespan with her."

Why were they talking about this?

"Yeah, thanks for that."

They reached Olympus, and Hermes still didn't recognize Hercules's fight against the need to rage against anything that sounded negative toward his wife.

Zeus was waiting outside the gates with Hera, both beaming with pride. "You showed that mortal king who's boss!" his father boomed at him.

Hera rested a hand on her husband's chest. "We ought to have set boundaries for you before this happened. It's our fault you went into that situation unprepared."

"I thought about what I'd say for a long time before I said it," Hercules said as he dismounted Pegasus. "Ever since Meg told me who her father was and that she hadn't said it because she was afraid to see him again. I'm sorry if I said something the wrong way, but what matters most to me is setting my family up for a peaceful life. Since I'm staying down there. When were you going to tell me I was still a god?"

"We were waiting until after your honeymoon. You've been doing too much, m'boy, so we all agreed you deserved to enjoy this time with your bride. Now we can even tell you about how since Hekate is the only divine presence in the Underworld, she's been petitioning to become its queen," Zeus stroked his beard.

Hercules's shoulders slumped. "I thought I was done with all that Underworld stuff when I got my wife out of there."

"Sadly, it's taken all our efforts to keep Hecate away from the two of you long enough to give you time together before we addressed the issue."

"What do I have to do with this? Sure, I deposed the last king, but you're the one who appointed him. It should be up to you who rules next, not Hecate. You could pick anyone without a job, even…" Hercules cast his eyes around and picked the next god he saw. "I dunno. Trivia could do it."

The dull god looked up from his scroll, amazed. "You saw me? You remembered my name?"

"He can't do it. People would forget they're going to die and procrastinate their whole lives."

"Okay, but it's also not my job to decide that."

"You're the one who gave Phantasos a job when he went after the one I gave Morpheus," Zeus reminded him.

"There's much to discuss," Hera said. "Come with us. You get to sit at the big table."

Hercules felt like a child again. The adults were giving him a privilege, and he was expected to be grateful. He might've been if he weren't so annoyed. "Thanks," he said, hoping if he gave the expected response, he would somehow force himself to be the son his godly parents imagined he would be.

The gates opened again, with less luster than before. He walked through into what looked like its own country full of divine beings. His skin prickled with the same energy it had before when he was in his true, fully-divine nature. He hadn't thought to feel it again, but he recognized that it had manifested a few times, both when he'd been intimate with Meg and when he threatened Creon.

His father put a hand on his shoulder, and suddenly, they were sat around a table with the other Olympians.

"Thank you for joining us," Zeus told the others. "We're here to celebrate and to deliberate. Obviously, we will enforce the threat my son made against King Creon, and I want us all here to acknowledge that."

The other gods nodded.

"We owe it to you," Athena remarked.

"Exactly!" Zeus said, though he probably hadn't given the topic that much consideration. He loved his father, but if people accused him of being none too bright, he couldn't help but think they were projecting their impressions of his father onto him.

"But it's important for us to establish rules for Hercules going forward," Hera said. "The sorts of things he can and cannot threaten in our name, for instance."

"Before we do that, I need to understand how I'm allowed to be here, and why you weren't clear with me before," Hercules said. "Hermes gave me some idea, but I thought I was a demigod again. I thought I was mortal just like Meg, and suddenly she's going to keep aging, and I'm not? How is that fair? She's going to feel so terrible in a few years, and there's nothing I can do about it!"

Hera placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. It was exactly what she did to his father and what Megara did for him. He felt a little dizzy thinking about it.

"You said specifically that you wanted to live on Earth with Megara," Zeus said. "So, you live under the conditions of the earth while you're there or until you call upon your divine nature. You could choose to age yourself along with Megara if it suits you. We all picked our ideal ages, after all. It's the sort of thing gods do as soon as we're born!"

"Hey, don't everyone forget my plan!" Aphrodite said.

"It was difficult enough to make Hercules a god when he was born as one," Athena remarked. "What are we to do with this mortal?"

"It used to be that the gods would choose any mortal they wanted to become their consorts," said a woman Hercules only recognized from that night. He hadn't thought of her since Hades revealed Megara was dying soon. Now that he looked at her, he realized she must be his grandmother, Rhea.

"Olympus was getting crowded with people whose only job was to amuse their divine companions," Zeus said defensively. "I had to change the law, Mom."

Hercules sank his chin into his hand. He was getting a headache.

"Can't you make an exception for this girl and detangle this web you've woven?" Rhea asked.

Zeus pouted.

Hercules was embarrassed. He wished he could be home, in the garden with Meg. His mind wandered to the gentle warmth of her skin and the scent of her hair.

"I don't understand why we let me become a god and my niece… cousin…? Can't," Bacchus said. "Between me and Aphrodite, she has two sponsors. If we count Hercules, that's three! We should have a vote! Who doesn't want to give Hercules the girl he traded everything for so he can be a god along with the rest of us?"

Hercules stared at the rotund pink god and wondered why he'd never heard him articulate himself so well.

Bacchus looked right back at him. "Oh, yeah, I've been slumming it for a few decades, but I was born the demigod son of one of our dear father's mortal liaisons. And my mother was a Theban princess."

A look of barely controlled rage pinched his mother's face.

"I personally dragged my mother out of Asphodel so she could party with me. Gods can do things like that, and my little brother is a god. He already redeemed her out of that pit, her fate lies with him. He ought to be the one to decide."

"That was before I changed the law," Zeus said.

"It was also before you decided to keep it in your chiton," Bacchus shot back. Something in his nature changed. His pink roundness receded, sharpening his features. His hair grew out in thick dark curls, and his eyes took on a deep violet.

He looked just like Megarion if he'd eaten more beef and lifted some weights.

Hercules leaned away from the god who'd helped him sink an island and wondered who he'd been this whole time.

"I know, I know," Bacchus said, arranging his laurels more dashingly about his dark curls, "I'm not exactly who you're used to. But I still know how to party."

"Why'd you…" Hercules trailed off. He knew he wouldn't trade the physique he'd worked so hard for– the way Meg liked him– for… whatever Bacchus had just been.

"I remember at some point I was talking to someone, and he said Hera would stop looking at me like that if I didn't look so much like my mother and looked a little more… non-threatening."

"You're not… scary looking. I would know. I fight a lot of monsters."

"It's not that kind of threat." Bacchus pulled out a smirk that was freakishly familiar to him now. "It's this irresistible Theban charm that messes with her. You're familiar by now, of course."

"Uh… uh-huh." Hercules shook himself. "But… I don't get it…"

"Oh, yeah." Bacchus snapped his fingers. "I remember who told me I should transform myself."

"Hades," chorused the whole table.

"Makes sense," Hercules lied. He didn't think he was too stupid to understand. It just hadn't been a good idea.

"Are we quite finished with this topic?" Hera asked. That pinched look had never left her face. "I've forgiven your indiscretion, Zeus, but we needn't discuss it."

Hercules was just glad it wasn't him who'd been born a bastard. He wasn't sure Hera would ever forgive him for that.

"Yes, I love Hera very much!" Zeus rumbled, but the panic was still all over his face. "And we're here to discuss our son."

"One more thing: I'm going to use my old name," Baccus said. "You'll all start calling me Dionysus again, all right?"

"Sure," Hercules said reflexively. He just wanted the whole thing smoothed over so he could stop stressing himself out over it.

A sickening thought sank into Hercules's mind, asking what Meg would do if he had a bastard of his own. It wouldn't be pretty, but she'd probably do it to herself and then vanish. He banished the thought from his mind. There was no way he'd be unfaithful to her, anyway. He wasn't his father.

"You haven't caused trouble yet," Zeus reiterated. "You only swore to bring down our vengeance for a clear violation of divine law. You don't have a domain yet, so you can't swear vengeance on your own. You did right to call on our power instead."

"This morning, I didn't know I was a god," Hercules said.

"Well, you're still playing mortal down there with the girl," Zeus said. "You'd find out eventually."

"What are you implying, dear?" Hera asked. "Do you think our son wouldn't honor his marriage vows? Do you think he'll tire of his new bride so quickly?"

"After a decade or so, mortal girls lose their charms," Zeus said. "Hercules will still be divine perfection."

Dread flooded between Hercules's ears, making him feel as if he might keel over. "What did you say earlier?" he nudged Dionysus.

"Uh, which thing? Was it about pea soup?"

"No, it– what?"

"I was just thinking about pea soup. I think that's what I'll eat when I get back to Ariadne and show her how I'm back to normal. Haven't you ever felt a sudden, overpowering lust for pea soup?"

Recently, Hercules had experienced sudden, overpowering lust, but not for soup. But he was here to build alliances, not lose himself to the desires coursing through his blood. "Uh… oh, yeah. Soup. Soup's great. I-I must've thought about soup about ten thousand times. But uh… no. It was about the thing where you got your mother out of Asphodel and made her and Ariadne immortal. How'd you do it?"

"I pulled my mother back out. She was wandering the fields mindlessly, but I knew her. She looked just like me. Very similar to your Meg, too. We Thebans have a particular look to us. Once I had her in the sun, I had her join my divine procession, and she's partied with me ever since. I'll let you meet her next time we have a bacchanal. She'd love to meet Meg, too. I'm sure they'd have plenty to discuss."

"Sure." the method Dionysus was offering had closed off to him already. He had to focus his efforts on finding or creating a new one. So far, he knew that Aphrodite, Dionysus, Hera, and Rhea were on his side. He had been told many times he was none too bright. He was done allowing the way other people underestimated him to define how he saw himself.

The rest of Olympus might bicker. Hercules would prove Meg right for believing in him. He would give her the future she deserved, even if it meant rewriting the laws of the cosmos to get it for her. Hecate be damned: nothing could alter his priorities.