Chloe woke up suddenly because of a flash. She opened her eyes one by one and saw Amy, a camera in hand, a huge smile on her face.

"Amy !" The redhead grumbled. "Ah, I can't help it, Cap', you're both so cute when you let go." The blonde pointed the camera again and took several photos in succession, causing flashes throughout the room." Stop !" Chloe shouted.

She threw her pillow at her. Amy avoided the projectile but decided to run away when she saw Beca move. Chloe heard her run down the stairs loudly, laughing. This girl was truly special. They would definitely be bored without her. Feeling the mattress move, Chloe slowly turned towards Beca to whom she had turned her back in the night. The brunette had her eyes closed but her eyebrows furrowed. Apparently, even Amy couldn't wake her up. Chloe decided to observe her for a moment. She thought she would see her open her eyes at any moment. She loved the color of Beca's eyes. She found them magnificent, such a deep blue you would think you could see the whole storm they were hiding if you looked at them long enough. The color was even more striking when the brunette woke up. There was this special atmosphere around Beca in the morning when she woke up. The brunette let herself be approached more easily, her eyes looked less harsh, as if she hadn't yet realized what world she was in so she didn't yet have all the walls that protected her during the day.

Chloe softened at the image of Beca breathing in and out, her eyebrows still furrowed. The redhead decided to run a delicate finger over the line between Beca's eyes. She immediately relaxed. Chloe figured it was best to let her sleep for now. She got up and began to scan her friend's room. Of course, she already knew about the decorations. The records on the shelf were arranged by style as usual. The sour candy jar was on the desk. Beca's favorite helmet was on its stand, ready for use. She was surprised to find photos of the Bellas after their first victory. The year before, Beca hadn't posted any photos in her room. Chloe remembered the photo box Amy had told her about a few days ago. The redhead smiled remembering the imitation her friend had done of Beca when she told her that the little brunette was hiding a photo box in her room filled with photos of them. Chloe told herself that an occasion like this wouldn't happen again anytime soon so she decided to look for the famous box. In fact, she mainly wanted to check if Beca cared about her that much.

Chloe had known almost immediately after meeting Beca. She had known that they were not just going to cross paths. That they would be more important in each other's lives than it seemed. She had also very quickly understood the magnitude of her feelings for the little brunette. Well, Aubrey had made her understand. After yet another argument with her best friend regarding the new Bella at the time, Aubrey loudly brought up the fact that Chloe couldn't give constructive advice since she was completely in love with Beca, which the redhead openly denied before locking herself in her room and giving the silent treatment to her friend for four days. These four days allowed Chloe to understand why she wasn't interested in boys but above all why she felt a pang in her heart every time the DJ rejected her or laughed at a joke Jesse made on her. In fact, it was after meeting Beca and Jesse on campus, laughing about a movie scene that Jesse was imitating, that she realized her love for Beca. After that, Chloe had rushed back to the apartment she shared with Aubrey and rushed into her arms to apologize and tell her that she was right. Ever since that day, Chloe had promised herself not to let her feelings overwhelm her because it was clear that Beca wasn't interested, even though their friends constantly gave her hope.

Chloe found the gray shoebox easily under Beca's bed. She shook her head, smiling after remembering coming accross the object when Beca was coming out of the basement. She hesitated for a moment to open it. After all, what right did she have to go through her friend's things ? If Beca had hidden this box, there must have been a valid reason to prevent her from revealing everything. However, the day before, Beca had told her all her secrets, her past. She was sure of it. She was finally convinced, she could open it. Beca trusted her now.

Sitting on the floor, legs crossed and the box on her lap, Chloe removed the cardboard lid. The first thing she saw was her own face, next to Beca's. The brunette was rolling her eyes. The photo was taken during training. She pushed the photo aside to discover others, of the Bellas, of Beca and her father in a park when she was younger. Chloe felt a pang in her stomach when she saw the photo of Jesse and Beca laughing out loud. The box also contained USB sticks, probably mixes that Beca was saving for later. Below all the photos, Chloe discovered a small photo album. She opened it and saw a picture of Beca with a boy. They looked young. The next page showed an ultrasound with a date but Chloe didn't have time to read it. The album had just been snatched from her hands. Chloe jumped back while Beca was already busy putting the whole box away without saying anything.

The brunette was quickly busy putting everything back in the box. She abruptly got out of bed and went to the desk where she grabbed a roll of duct tape. Chloe imitated her and approached her.

"Becs, I'm sorry…" Chloe said, wanting to put a hand on Beca's shoulder. "Don't come near me." The other replied, stepping aside. "Amy told you, right ?" She asked dryly after a pause. Chloe nodded, her mouth open and her eyes misty from having stupidly betrayed the person who meant the most to her. Beca nodded, looking at her shoes.

"I knew it was a mistake." She said. Chloe wondered what she was talking about. She didn't have long to wait to know. "I shouldn't have come here." Beca said before grabbing a suitcase and starting to pack it. "And I shouldn't have told you all this last night. It's my fault. I thought I could trust you."

"No, Beca, wait!" Chloe exclaimed when she saw the brunette piling up her things. "It's okay, Chloe. Don't worry. I'm going to go to my father's house while waiting to get a room in the dormitory." Beca's tone was adamant. Chloe didn't understand this change of heart.

The day before, Beca had made it clear to her that she wanted to open up, that she wanted to share everything and now she was running away again. She didn't have time to understand or react, Beca was already putting on her leather jacket. The brunette took an elastic from her bedside and put her hair in a quick bun. She grabbed her suitcase, slung her computer bag over her shoulder and stopped in front of Chloe.

"See you at practice." Beca declared before leaving. Chloe stood there, stunned, tears rolling down her cheeks.

She didn't understand what had just happened.

On Monday morning, Stacie arrived at the auditorium just on time. She had struggled to escape from the arms of her one-night conquest. She saw Amy, Cynthia Rose, Ashley and Jessica stretching in the middle of the room talking so she joined them. Lily was on a bench, head upside down chewing gum, staring into space. Beca arrived with her computer bag on her shoulder. She walked past the girls without saying anything. Amy called out to her but the brunette told her that they would see about it later. In Beca Mitchell language, that meant never. Stacie watched the brunette set up her equipment while stretching. She found it odd that Chloe hadn't arrived yet. She thought about talking to the girls about it when she saw the redhead open the double doors suddenly. The door slammed against the wall and everyone stopped breathing. Chloe looked surprised at her own entrance but didn't say anything. She closed the door and hurried to set up her things and write the day's activities on the board. Beca waited on the other side of the board, her arms crossed and her gaze towards the floor. The girls gathered around the board. When Chloe finally turned to face them, Stacie saw the reddened eyes and dark circles around them. She noticed the rumpled clothes and the hair tied into a bun that was just waiting to fall out. She also saw the sideways glance the redhead gave her co-captain before starting.

"Today, we will start with cardio." Everyone groaned except the two captains. "Then, we will take advantage of being an even number. This may change with the new recruit who will arrive next week. As we cannot yet work on the chorea without sound, we will work in pairs. The first will launch into an improvised song and the other will have to harmonize with another song. When the harmony is found, you will change the song. Let your creativity guide you and try to hold on as long as possible. For the pairs…"

"I'll take Lily!" Beca declared suddenly. She rushed towards Lily and took her by the arm to take her to a corner of the room. Everyone looked at her, wide-eyed, but eventually accepted and separated into pairs. Stacie saw that Chloe was still near the board, surprised to find herself alone. Usually, Beca and Chloe would have worked together.

"Hey Cap', wanna work together? Stacie said as she approached. Chloe looked up and nodded, almost surprised to see someone interested in her. She gave a smile that looked fake. Stacie could see all the sadness that the redhead was hiding. She decided to carry out her investigation that evening after school.

Coming home from class, Chloe went up to her room, dropped her bag at the foot of the bed and collapsed onto the sheets. After two hours of training, an hour and a half of Russian literature lessons, a quick lunch and three hours of economics lessons, the day felt good to end. Chloe couldn't stand anything or anyone. Her friends she had classes with had all graduated the year before. Her teachers had not changed and expected even more from her after her repeat year. Her literature teacher even made a remark about the fact that she seemed to have her mind elsewhere. She could no longer stand having to pretend in the face of these kinds of scathing remarks. Smile and accept as if her world hadn't fallen apart on Saturday morning.

All she could think about was Beca. She had tried to call her dozens of times without success. She had thought she would be able to talk to her at training but the brunette had slipped away without anyone noticing. Chloe felt guilty. She wanted to apologize but what was the point? Beca wouldn't trust her anymore. She grabbed her headphones and played a random playlist then went to bed.

Meanwhile, in the living room, Stacie had gathered everyone together. Something bad was happening and it was their job to figure it out and make Chloe and Beca come back to each other.

"Well, Stace, can you explain to us what we're doing here?" Jessica asked. All the girls were sitting on the different couches and chairs waiting for Stacie, standing in the middle of the room, to explain to them. "I don't know if you've noticed this morning but our two captains no longer speak to each other." Stacie said. "Chloe doesn't smile like usual and Beca runs away from us even more. So I brought you together to see if any of you have any info."

Everyone looked at each other then Amy spoke, raising her hand. "Beca hasn't slept here since Saturday and her part of the dressing room is empty. Her computer is missing and a few other electronic stuff too." The Australian said sheepishly. "What ?! And you're only telling us about it now?!" Cynthia said, getting up. "Eh, I wanted to ask her why before talking about it but she sent me away this morning, you all saw it!" Amy defended herself.

"I haven't seen Chloe all weekend. Usually we meet and talk on Monday lunchtime but I haven't seen her either." Jessica said with a sad face. The others nodded. Stacie nodded with her hand on her chin, looking concerned. She hadn't seen any of the two captains over the weekend and hadn't seen Beca in class today.

"I think something bad happened, girls. We need to sort this out" She said. "How do you want to do that?" Amy asked. The blonde spent her time cracking jokes around but she really loved her friends. Everyone felt concerned about Beca and Chloe. They all saw them converging towards each other without ever taking off whatever blinders they might have had. No one wanted the story to end before it could ever begin.

"I'm going to go see Chloe. And if she doesn't tell me anything, I know who to call. You try to find Beca and make her see reason. I don't know why she decided to leave the house but she came to practice this morning. It means it matters to her."

"Understood. Bechloe plan underway!" Amy declared before getting up to leave. The girls separated and Stacie went up to Chloe's room. She was determined to find out what was going on. And if Chloe persisted, she would pull out her lethal weapon.

Chloe had eventually dozed off, the music still in her ears. When Stacie walked in, she saw her back curled up. She closed the door behind her and was surprised that the redhead didn't move. She slowly moved forward to place a hand on Chloe's leg. The latter jumped and ripped off her headphones, looking furious.

"Stacie! You scared me ! What are you doing here ?!"

"Sorry, I knocked but you didn't answer so I got worried."

"I'm alive and well. You can go now." Chloe replied dryly, repositioning herself. "Oh no, Chlo', not to me." Stacie pulled back the blanket Chloe had just covered herself with and came to sit next to the redhead. Chloe huffed but sat down against the headboard as well.

"What do you want ?" She asked under her breath. She looked exhausted. "I would like to know how you are doing." Stacie said simply, shrugging. "I'm perfectly fine. You can leave now." Stacie laughed lightly before turning to her friend to take her hand.

"Chloe, you are all sunshine and rainbows. You have a smile plastered on your face as soon as you open your eyes in the morning. It shows right away when you're not doing well. And even if Beca never smiles, we all know when things are going wrong between you and it impacts us all. So I repeat myself, and I would like an honest answer. How are you doing ?" The redhead looked at her friend with wide eyes. She really didn't know how to lie. Her face crumpled and she started crying again. She thought that after spending two days crying, her body wouldn't be able to squeeze out a single drop of water, but apparently it was possible. Stacie took her in her arms and waited for the storm to pass. After almost half an hour of incomprehensible crying, Stacie managed to calm Chloe down. The redhead wiped her cheeks and exhaled loudly before blowing her nose.

"Do you want to talk to me about it?" Stacie asked softly. She didn't want to rush Chloe and, even though they had both gotten closer over the past year, they weren't to the point of confiding dark secrets to each other. "I don't know if it will do much good to talk about it. Aubrey warned me anyway." Stacie frowned. What was their former captain doing in there? "Um, Chlo', if you prefer to talk to Aubrey about it, I will understand but if you want me to help you, you'll have to enlighten me a little more." The redhead nodded and blew her nose one last time before clearing her throat.

"Actually, this might sound weird or crazy to you, but I'm not really who you all think I am." Stacie narrowed her eyes, looking unconvinced. "Okay… Would you like to elaborate, please."

"Yes, actually, what I mean is that I haven't told you everything and only Aubrey knows. Even if after Tom, it must have been visible, I think it will be strange for you to know…"

"Damn it, Chloe! Speak !"

"I'm gay !" Chloe finally blurted out.

Silence fell in the room while Stacie absorbed the information she had just learned, then she exploded with joy and took Chloe in her arms.

"But it's absolutely not weird, Chlo'! It's awesome !" Chloe was completely taken aback and didn't know what to answer. Stacie suddenly realized that her friend might not have finished talking. "And that's why you're feeling bad? You told Beca about it and she didn't react well? If that's it, we're going to crash into this little…" Stacie spoke with big gestures. She was already thinking about how she would talk to Beca.

"No no no ! Not at all, it's not that ! That's not why things aren't going well..."

"Okay, so what's the problem?"

Chloe exhaled and rubbed her face. She, who was an open book for absolutely every part of her life, did not like revealing her feelings in broad daylight. Not when she thought it was stupid. Not when she might be broken next. Stacie looked at her friend who had a shifty look and was fiddling with her hands. It couldn't be that bad. She took her hands.

"Chloe, you can tell me. I promise to keep this a secret if you want. I just want to help you. We're really worried about you and Beca." Chloe closed her eyes as if to fight one last time and then the floodgates opened.

"I'm in love with Beca. From the very beginning, I love her and... Only Aubrey knew, but now that she's gone... And since what happened, I don't know what to do, Stace. I'm lost between doing something and doing nothing at all."

"But what happened? Why has Beca been gone since Saturday?"

Chloe then began to explain everything to her with shining eyes. She didn't want to cry anymore. She avoided revealing the past that Beca had shared with her on Friday night but told her how she had confided in her and how they had gotten closer that evening. She told the story related to the box and what she had discovered inside and then the discussion that followed until Beca left.

"She's really stubborn!" Stacie said, frustrated. "If it's any consolation, I don't think what you did was that bad."

"Of course it is ! I broke her trust. And not just me. Amy too. She said she made a mistake moving in with us. She won't come back again. It's done, Stace." Stacie thought about what Chloe had just revealed. Amy never realized the impact of her words until it was too late. But Beca must be hiding something very important to react this way.

"She told you she was going to her father's, right?" Stacie asked suddenly. "Yes. But I don't know where he lives." Chloe said sadly.

Of course, she had thought about going to see her directly but she didn't know where to see her. Practice was her only option hoping to run into Beca and sort things out. That is, if it was worth it. Stacie, now satisfied with the truth, decided to ask Jesse for his opinion but it would have to wait until the next day.

"Well, you know what? I think it's time to stop moping around. You're going to take a shower, and I'm going to requisition the girls to prepare dinner so that we can all eat together and then we'll have a girls' night in front of a good horror film. Don't worry. If Beca prefers to stay alone, that's her problem. Come on, Beale, get up!"

"Yes, yes, I'm going." Chloe rushed to the shower, her arms full of her belongings. Stacie went to prepare the meal.

In the shower, Chloe went over all the discussions she had with Beca since Friday night. Why had she been so curious to go through her things? She felt so guilty. Beca had finally confided in her, had opened the doors to her past. She had told her that she didn't want to be alone, that she didn't want to let herself go like that girl whose diary she was reading. Chloe had an epiphany. The diary ! Maybe Beca had forgotten about it. Maybe it was still in the room. She quickly dressed, dried her hair with a towel which she left on her bed and rushed upstairs.

In Beca and Amy's room, she found the bed just as she had left it. Amy wasn't there. She must have been downstairs, busy preparing dinner with Stacie. Wherever food was present, Amy was never far away. Chloe leaned towards the desk. She remembered Beca sitting there when she went up to see her Friday night. She pushed some books aside, lifted a binder and finally discovered what she thought was the journal. She saw on the first page that it was written Quinn Fabray. She had found it. She sat down to look through it. The night was going to be short.

Saturday October 2, 2010 - 6:12 p.m.

Diary, I decided to go out tonight. On my way to the library this afternoon, I ran into Drew from my French poetry class. He's been trying to ask me out since the beginning of the year. I agreed to go with him to this student party, hoping I could drown out the thoughts about R. there and forget about her until tomorrow morning, at least. I know, I should be thinking about having fun or even trying to go out with Drew. Father would approve, his father is as white as a sheet and the head of a pharmaceutical chain. Drew even asked me if I still went to church. He saw my pendant. I don't know why I still wear it. Father doesn't talk to me anymore so he can no longer see what his heretic daughter is doing. I better take it off for tonight. This kind of party is not a place where you wear a Christian cross around your neck as an accessory. See you tomorrow, Diary. Wish me luck.

Sunday October 3, 2010 - 3:48 p.m.

I don't even know how I managed to get home. What's good about you, Diary, is that it's me who writes you so you don't really judge me. I'm the only one who judges myself. I look completely crazy. But it's important for what I have to tell you. This party was awesome! No lie, much better than the parties Puck threw when we were in high school. Or maybe it's because this time I took full advantage of it. I didn't make the same mistake as last time, don't worry. I didn't sleep with anyone. I didn't even kiss Drew. This show-off spent the evening shirtless playing beer pong, it was pathetic. He was dead drunk around midnight, slumped on a couch. Besides, most of the people present were in the same state. That's where I met some really interesting people. Alice, a girl in her third year of psychology, took me by the arm and led me to a room where a group had gathered. I recognized the smell as soon as I entered. They were all smoking in a circle, sitting on the carpet. Reggae and marijuana mixed in the air. The smoke was oppressive but once it settled it formed an opaque but pleasant sky. I was sitting next to Alice and Jake, one of her friends. I don't really know what he's doing in terms of studies. He passed me a joint and told me it would relax me. That I had to release the pressure and then I wouldn't think about anything anymore. It clicked, I wanted to try. And I'm sorry, Diary, but yes, I smoked a joint hoping to finally forget R. And it worked. I stayed with them until I woke up this afternoon. I smoked and drank all night listening to them telling stories that made no sense. And I loved it. R. was finally out of my head. I no longer thought about how to make it up to her or how to talk to her or the fact that I love her even though I'm forbidden from doing so. I no longer thought about my parents who had abandoned me. Everything was calm. The voices were finally silent. So maybe that's what I need, Diary. To get better. To advance. Because R. doesn't wait for me to move forward.

Thursday November 11, 2010 - 4:02 p.m.

I just hung up the phone. Santana called me to tell me that R. is pregnant with Brody. This gigolo, this brainless model, got R pregnant. I have shivers. How could she be intimate with such a despicable guy? He breathes lies and superficiality. Santana told me she spied on him, like we used to do in high school. She followed him and saw him pimping old ladies. Become their plaything for money. He is disgusting. And now R. is pregnant with him. But she doesn't know everything he is yet. Santana found the positive pregnancy test and is begging me to go to New York for vacation. Of course, who else to call when it comes to an accidental pregnancy other than the girl who got pregnant at fifteen after her first time. You can only call ME for that. As I was in my room smoking, she didn't need to use many arguments to get me to agree. So I'm going to go to New York to tell R. that we know about it and that we're here to help her. But I won't spend the holidays there. I have other things to prepare including the writing competition which is coming to an end. I'll be there for the weekend. This week-end. And now that the effects are going down, I'm starting to understand that I promised to go see her starting tomorrow without being ready. I don't know how it's going to go, Diary. What advice can I give her ? I abandoned my daughter. I have lost everything and can barely function. Without smoking and without writing for a whole weekend, I don't know how I'll manage to hold on. I risk exploding, losing control.

December 17, 2010

I won the competition. Do you believe it, Diary ? I won by recounting the argument I had with her. I won because of her. I can't forget her anymore. Even smoking doesn't help me anymore. I want to forget her tears, her eyes, her mouth and her hair. I don't want to think about her smile anymore when it's someone else talking to her. I no longer want to think about what I said to her and what she responded to me. I won the damn competition and I don't care. I just want to forget her. I'm going to go see Alice so she can help me and find another solution. So that she gives me something to forget.

Chloe took a deep breath when she noticed that there was nothing more written afterward. She had reached the last page. She closed her eyes and tried to calm her breathing. She had just discovered a person alone and tortured, distraught. Someone unstable and yet brilliant. She had found a bundle of paper sheets folded in the diary. This was the essay Quinn had written for the competition and it was brilliant. So sad, but well constructed. Also frightening to understand that the distress felt while reading the text was very real but no one could have noticed it without reading Quinn's diary. Chloe's heart was racing. She was afraid to find out what had happened to this passionate and loving girl. Passionate to the point of destroying herself out of simple devotion to ideas that had been instilled in her when she was little. In Quinn's short story, the heroine ended her life because the weight of her love was unbearable. Deja vu, certainly, but Quinn had made the story darker and more coherent by connecting it to the cultural and social aspects surrounding homosexuality. She knew how to express what everyone who had feelings for someone of the same sex necessarily felt at some point in their life. This feeling that we will forever be set apart by society and that we will always be stigmatized, no matter how mentalities evolve. This feeling of having to deny every religious and family value that we have learned since childhood because they will no longer correspond to the person we will become.

Chloe realized she was crying again because Quinn's story and what she wrote about in her journal was far too familiar to her. She sometimes wished she had never met Beca. Her life would be easier. She would no longer be part of this portion of the population which is rejected by religion, by some policies and even killed in some countries. She didn't want a life where she had to struggle to have a family, with children, where marriage was subject to a separate law or even non-existent. Sometimes trying to forget was the easy way out. Chloe had tried to hold herself to standards to overshadow her true nature. She had dated Tom, feeling like things weren't natural for her without really understanding why. Then Beca arrived, and with a little help from Aubrey, the situation became clearer. Yet fear still followed her like a shadow. She couldn't confess her feelings to Beca because she might lose her. Also confessing her feelings to her made them become real. She was really becoming gay. It would not only be in her head anymore. Her parents will then break all contact and she will no longer be the Chloe from before. Everyone would see her differently. She wanted to remain the happy and enthusiastic Chloe that everyone admired. Fear of the unknown began to seep out of every pore of her body. But at that moment, Beca appeared in her mind. She saw her smile light up when the group performed a choreography to her music. She remembered the wonder in her eyes when the jury had placed their first trophy in her arms. She thought she felt the softness of her skin when their hands brushed against each other by accident. She also remembered Beca's shifty gaze and her serious expression that Saturday when she discovered Chloe with her secret box in hands.

Chloe finally realized that her personality, her joy of life and her good humor; everything had vanished at the same time as Beca. The person she was and that she was afraid of losing by confessing her feelings for the brunette disappeared when Beca was no longer there. Chloe definitely wasn't herself when Beca wasn't by her side.

Faced with this revelation, she decided two things. The first was that she was going to do everything to get Beca back, at least as a friend. The brunette may not have felt the same feelings as her but she was needed in her life if she wanted to be complete. The second thing was that if she managed to win Beca's trust back, then they would look for Quinn together. Because Chloe Beale couldn't continue living knowing that someone as talented and sensitive as Quinn had lost all hope.