After giving Morikawa-Sensei's body a proper burial, our five heroes made their way to San Romero High's athletic center when Nick slowed down.

"Guys, I'm not sure I can do this."

"What, you want MORE weapons?" Eddy asked. "Sheesh! I'm not made of money, Nicky-Boy!"

"It's just. The odds here are crazy and I don't think I can take them." Nick admitted. "I mean, the only way this could be worse is if I was a decapitated head attached to Juliet's hip."

"That's why we're here, Nick! We'll help you whenever you need it!" Juliet said happily.

"We shall help you on your first-ever journey to zombie slaying!" Ed said, giving Nick a big hug.

"Yeah, thanks, Ed! Can you put me down before my back-!" Nick struggled before feeling something wet fall on him. "Is that rain?"

"Uh-Oh..." Juliet frowned as everyone looked up to see a flying Viking ship...because you know, Norse Mythology was even more fucked up than Greek Mythology, just ask Kratos!

"Hallo, Skraelings!" Bellowed the Dark Purveyour manning the ship, rocking away on his drum set.

"Stop with the Peyton Parrish rip-off!" Eddy called upward.

"I don't think he can hear you from up there, Eddy." Double-D pointed out.

The bear pelt that the Dark Purveyour was wearing turned out to be alive and roared.

"Lots of tasty treats for you here, eh, Yumil?" He asked before laughing maniacally and playing his drums quicker, causing lightning to strike down at the five heroes.

"LOOK OUT!" Eddy cried as everyone dodged out of the way.

"I'm guessing a giant floating Viking ship is NOT a good thing?" Nick asked as they regrouped.

"Another Dark Purveyor." Juliet frowned before gasping when she saw someone clinging to the ship. "Oh my gosh! That's my big sister, Cordelia!"

"Who?" Nick asked.

"Cordelia! AKA The Hottest Sniper you ever wanna get assassinated by!" Eddy grinned perversely, drooling a little.

"She's a zombie hunter just like the rest of us." Double-D explained to Nick.

"She is so cool!" Ed smiled, his eyes sparkling with admiration.

"Really?" Nick asked in surprise.

"HEEEY, CORDELIA! CAAAN YOU HEAR ME!?" Juliet called out.

Somehow, Cordelia was able to hear Juliet from all the way up there and turned her head to wave to her younger sister.

"HEEY! WHAT'S UP, JULIET!?"

"She won't be able to hear us for very long so we might as well set up a bio for her ahead of time." Double-D said before snapping his fingers, setting up a bio for Cordelia.

Cordelia Starling

Age: 20

Favorite Weapon: L115A3 long-range rifle

Turn-Ons: Guns, quesadillas, bullet wounds in her enemies

Turn-Offs: Talking in movie theaters, the color blue, sea monsters

"Hey, Cordelia, what's up!?" Nick called as well.

"Yeah, she's getting a little too far for that, pal." Eddy said.

"SEE YOU IN A FEW! RIGHT NOW, I'M GONNA GO KICK SOME ZOMBIE ASS!" She shouted. "OH, YEAH! I ALMOST FORGOT!"

She then tossed a present attached to a parachute. She began to say something else but by then, she was too far to be heard.

"CAAN'T HEAR YOU!" Juliet shouted.

"I SAID, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" Cordelia shouted back before finally leaving earshot.

"Ugh, I feel like pissing myself right now." Nick groaned.

"Double-D gets that way too, Nick!" Ed said.

"Ed, I told you that in confidence!"

The five heroes then proceeded to make their way into the athletic center, where a zombie football team was waiting for them.

"Ten hut, ten butt fuck!" The leader said before lightning struck a tree and made it fall, blocking the path.

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that..." Double-D said in a low, sickly voice.

"Right behind ya, Sockhead..." Eddy grumbled.

Suddenly, Juliet noticed a ramp that could get them around. "Check out my new trick, guys! It's called the Chainsaw Dash!"

With the new upgrade she got from Morikawa-Sensei, Juliet drove her chainsaw with the motor and easily made the jump.

"Well, how are we gonna make that jump?" Nick asked.

"With these Extreme Gear I invented based on Sonic Riders!" Double-D said as he took out four hoverboards, one for each boy. "I have a lot of free time."

"Alright!" Nick said, taking a moment to get the hang of it before riding his Gear up the ramp, The Eds following close behind and doing tricks along the way.

With the group together again, they continued onward and encountered the zombie football team from before and started laying waste to them.

Juliet used her new Chainsaw Dash to either run them over, slice them in half, or somehow become a tornado and send them all flying. Nick ran back and forth while firing the High Fidelity several times, sending a bunch of vinyl discs bouncing everywhere. Ed did some run-and-gun tactics with his Heavy Assault Rifle while Double-D did some skillful lightsaber moves, and Eddy pulled off some sick combos with Rich Bich.

"So where to now?" Nick asked.

"Most importantly, I wanna find my birthday present my sister dropped! Secondly, I wanna save my sister's life!" Juliet said in her usual optimistic tone.

"Good to know you always have your priorities straight, Juliet." Eddy said.

"I know! Yay! Let's get to the roof of the school and find that floaty boat!"

"Technically, it is called a Longship." Double-D corrected but went ignored.

Suddenly, a car exploded and provided the group with a new path to go down.

"Explosions are such a cliche!" Juliet said.

"Word on that, sister!" Eddy voiced in agreement before grinning. "But goddamn are they just so much fun!"

Going down the path, the five heroes ran into some more football player zombies, one of them Juliet recognized.

"Aw, man, our quarterback's a zombie!"

"Kill him anyway!" Nick snapped as he took out his Dirty Harry and fired, knocking the quarterback's helmet off and stunning him, allowing Ed to grab him by the face and rip his head off, spine still attached.

"You undead a-holes are a disgrace to the San Romero football uniform!" Juliet shouted angrily, delivering a powerful swing with her chainsaw that decapitated the other zombies.

The baseball team also showed up, but they were taken care of just as easily. One clashed his baseball bat with Double-D's lightsaber but bat against lightsaber is an unfair match-up and Double-D easily cut him down.

With all the enemies eliminated, a firetruck suddenly came from nowhere and smashed into a bus, leaving room for the five to jump on a red school bus and ramp to the school, which was blocked off by more vehicles.

"I hate it when everyone turns into zombies, but it's also kinda fun because I get to do things like jump on a fire truck!" Juliet said happily.

"Ha ha! It IS fun! It makes me forget most of my friends are dead!" Nick laughed.

"There, there..." Ed said, giving Nick a hug as he could tell he was secretly upset about this whole mess. "You've still got us, at least."

"Yeah, we ain't going anywhere, Nicky-Boy!" Eddy said, giving him a thumbs-up.

"It's just the five of us stouthearted heroes against the forces of evil." Double-D smiled. "I wouldn't have it any other way."

"Yeah! As long as we have each other, nothing can beat us!" Juliet said. "Gotta keep thinking positive, Nick!"

Nick smiled. "Yeah...thanks, guys."

The five rushed through and finally made it into the school, Ed kicking the door down and taking point to make sure no zombies got the jump on them before gesturing for his friends in army signals to follow him and that the coast was clear.

"Be careful, guys, this place is falling apart!" Nick warned as he looked around.

"Hey, there's a Chop-2-Shop Store right there!" Eddy said. "Come on, Nicky-Boy! Let's get you some new bling!"

Eddy put some zombie medals down and then got two new weapons for Nick to use; the first was a pneumatic pipe-cannon launcher and the other was a type of boomerang launcher.

"The Proximity Mine and the Murderang! These two will spice things up!" Eddy grinned as he handed Nick the two weapons.

"Okay, cool!"

Suddenly, a cry for help was heard as the heroes turned to see some unlucky bastard get dragged around a corner by some zombies. Hurrying after them, the team saw the poor sap was being cornered by firefighter zombies.

"You're gonna be fine, ma'am!" The leader said.

"Hey, that ain't a fire, pal!" Eddy said, crossing Fat Daddy and Big Mama together. "Fight this!"

Firing twin shots that ricocheted off the walls, the firefighter zombies dropped like flies being gassed by a fumigator as Ed ran over to help the guy they just rescued.

"I need a girlfriend." The dude said as he left some coins and teleported away.

"It makes sense, I suppose. We all need to make the most of our lives when it seems they are about to end." Double-D noted philosophically as he used his lightsaber to cut a path for everyone.

"What's your favorite color, Nick?" Juliet asked her boyfriend as the team went up the stairs.

"Blue. No, green."

"Awesome! I love learning about you!"

"I fucked up, it's yellow."

"Heh! That's my favorite color too!" Eddy laughed. "I knew there was a reason we became buddies!"

As they went through a hallway, a gate closed behind them. Nick decided to test out the Proximity Mine and fired it, launching a mine that stuck to the ground. When a football player zombie suddenly barged through the wall, the mine triggered and exploded, reducing him to gibs.

"Aw sweet!" Nick cheered.

Taking out a few more zombies and cutting another path up to the rooftop, Juliet decided to ask Nick another question.

"Do you wanna have babies someday, Nick?"

"W-Well, maybe, I dunno."

"Hey, we're still in the cusps of our youth here!" Eddy pointed out. "Let's avoid jumping the steps!"

"Eddy does raise a valid point...for once." Double-D said, getting an offended 'Hey!' from his friend. "It's best to take these things one step at a time!"

"First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage!" Ed sang cheerily.

After taking care of some legless baseball zombies, Eddy used Rich Bich to slice a path through a red gate, allowing the five to continue up the stairs. This time, Nick decided to ask a question.

"So how long have you been a zombie hunter?"

"Forever. I killed my first zombie at 6 months old. With a sharpened rattle!" Juliet said.

"Dad says my first kill was when I was a week old. I accidentally grabbed one of his old guns and shot a zombie that had been hiding under the bed." Eddy went next.

"I didn't really get into the zombie hunting business until I was 4. I mostly used my knowledge to build defenses for other people to protect themselves." Double-D explained.

"I ate a whole zombie when I was only a week old!" Ed laughed. "Bless my little giblets!"

"Okay, I'm not even gonna question that one..." Nick dryly said.

After taking care of a pack of firefighter zombies, Juliet noticed the present Cordelia left her floating by on its parachute out one of the windows.

"That's the parachute from Cordelia's present!"

"Money or nothing, gang!" Eddy said as everyone jumped out the window and gave chase after the present.

Juliet used her Chainsaw Dash to rush across the rooftops while The Eds and Nick rode on their EX Gears. Lightning strikes crackled behind them, leaving explosions behind and further ramping up the tension.

After making a super big jump, the five found themselves in an outdoor basketball court.

"Oh great, not another one of these!" Eddy groaned in frustration.

"Zombie basketball! Time your killing of zombies! How many points can you rack up?" Swan asked over the loudspeaker.

"Here we go again, I suppose..." Double-D sighed as Nick took out his sais while Ed revved up his chainsaw.

The five began killing basketball player zombies left and right, launching their heads into the hoops to score points. A big black zombie came and knocked Eddy flat on his ass, only for him to spin on the ground and aim both his guns upward.

"KILLSHOT!"

With a double trigger pull, the zombie's head went flying into the net, scoring the final points needed to win the game. With the enemies dealt with, the five did some more dashing and riding across the rooftops and ramps, taking out a few stray zombies along the way as well as riding out of a collapsing building before arriving at the exercise gym.

"Let's take a shower together!" a zombie said, running on the treadmill along with two others.

"Never thought I'd live to see something like that happen," Double-D said before sighing. "What even is my life anymore?"

"Running zombies? Haha! How fucking stupid." Nick laughed, shooting another one still on a treadmill with the Flaming Compensator.

"Yeah, what kind of idiot would come up with that?! Haha!" Juliet giggled.

"Well, let's help them burn some calories!" Eddy smirked as he got to work on the last one with Rich Bich's blade.

Suddenly, an old lady zombie crashed through the roof of the gym, spinning around like a tornado and knocking the exercise equipment away.

"Where are my beautiful grandchildren?"

"Here they are, ma'am!" Ed said in a helpful tone as he took out his Super Shotgun and fired the Meathook attachment, dragging himself toward the old lady zombie and blowing her head off at point-blank range.

"Really, Ed?" Double-D asked dryly.

"I'm dying! And really fat!"

"Can't help with that, miss!" Ed laughed absent-mindedly.

"It's especially jarring hearing him while wearing the Doomguy's outfit." Nick pointed out as the quintet left the gym.

"What the dick is going on with all this crazy stuff?!" Juliet demanded.

"What the dick?" Nick and Eddy asked at the same time.

"It's my new phrase, you like it?" She asked.

"Keep workshopping it." Double-D said.

Going up the stairs and into the back courtyard, the group saw zombie cheerleaders surrounding some defenseless schmucks sitting on their asses and not doing anything to get away.

"Go die, zombie scum! Ready? Okay! Undead, we slay! You all suck and we are great! D-D-Decapitate! U.G.L.Y. Wake up! It's time to die!"

"Oh, man, my squad has joined the zombies!" Juliet said sadly.

"Oh, man, Agnes used to be so hot. Now she's got an intestine coming out of her vagina, ugh." Nick said in disgust.

"Barring that comment from Nick, the only humane thing to do is put them out of their misery..." Double-D sighed as he turned his lightsaber into its ray gun mode and turned it into a sniper rifle-like configuration before blowing all the undead cheerleaders' heads off with quick precision.

"Good to see Cordelia's sniping lessons are paying off, Double-D!" Juliet smiled before frowning. "Still, it sucks that we have to kill our friends."

"Where are the Dragon Balls when you need 'em?!" Eddy snapped as the group climbed up to the next rooftop, Juliet using a vaulting box to do so while The Eds stacked themselves in a tower to help Nick climb up.

After everyone managed to make it, Juliet got another call on her phone, planting her chainsaw on the ground and answering.

"Juliet? It's Cordelia. Just a tip, sis, but you're moving around too much as you hunt zombies. From a distance, use your homing attack. When they get close, rush in for the kill. It's kinda common hunter knowledge, but you know..."

"UGH! I hate it when she always tells me what to do!" Juliet groaned in frustration as she hung up.

"She's only doing it out of a place of love, Juliet." Double-D chided as the group saw their path was blocked, some football player zombies jumping in to attack them.

"Down, set, hut!"

"Okay, time to try out the other new thing!" Nick said as he fired the Murderang, which sent a buzzsaw boomerang that sliced through the zombies and then hit them on the return flight. "Aww sweet! I'm totally keeping this!"

Ed took out his Rocket Launcher and blasted an opening for everyone to Chainsaw Dash/EX Gear Ride through. As they rode across the rooftops, more lightning began coming from the sky all around them.

"They're right that lightning doesn't strike twice. It strikes like eighteen times!" Nick complained.

After dodging the lightning strikes and taking a quick stop, a helicopter flew in and several firefighter zombies jumped out of it, landing on the ground hard before pulling themselves up to their feet.

"More firefighters to the rescue! We'll rescue everyone!"

"You're the ones in need of rescuing!" Eddy snapped as he capped two of the firefighters in the head with his guns while Ed yanked the fire axe out of the leader's hands and chopped him in half with it.

"You know, I feel like singing 'It's Raining Men.'" Nick said as he blasted another firefighter zombie with the Dirty Harry.

"Haha! That would be funny, Nick!" Juliet giggled.

"No time for music preferences! TIME TO KILL THESE EFFERS!" Eddy shouted.

Together, the five laid waste to all the firefighter zombies, allowing them to proceed to the next area. As he lay dying (again), one of the zombies had some things to say.

"I can't get this Katy Perry song out of my head! What a terrible way to die!"

"What's wrong with Katy Perry?" Double-D asked.

"Look, guys!" Ed said, pointing forward to see Cordelia's gift for Juliet floating nearby, which definitely excited the sole female of the group.

"Yay! My present! What do you think it is, guys?!"

"I hope it's like a nuke that only kills zombies when it explodes or something," Nick said.

After dashing/riding across the rooftops, the ground hit a big jump and Juliet managed to snag the present, using it to glide down to the baseball stadium while humming a merry tune.

"BANZAI!" Ed said as he and Eddy grabbed onto Double-D, who used his hat as a parachute while Nick grabbed onto his waist, struggling not to let go and accidentally pulling down Double-D's pants...revealing he was wearing a thong.

"Please don't tell my parents..." The sockhatted boy whimpered in embarrassment.

"Your secret's safe with me," Eddy said reassuringly.

"My mouth is zipped, Double-D!" Ed said, somehow actually zipping his mouth shut.

"Yeah, I'm not gonna judge." Nick awkwardly said.

After landing, and helping Double-D fasten his pants back on, Juliet opened her present and gasped when she saw it was a new modification for her chainsaw, transforming it into some kind of launcher.

"Oh, I can't wait for you to shoot the fuck out of stuff with this!" Nick said excitedly.

"Wow, Cordelia's like the best big sister EVER!" Juliet cheered. "CHAINSAW BLASTER!"

Suddenly, Swan's voice came up on the announcer's booth of the stadium and everyone quickly got on guard.

"Zombie Baseball! Aim and shoot at the approaching zombies! Can you score a winning Home Run? The game starts with the home team losing by an overwhelming amount of runs!" Swan said over the intercom.

"Let's give my new present a test run!" Juliet said as she readied her new Chainsaw Blaster.

"I'm digging that idea!" Eddy said, twirling his guns around in a way that would make Revolver Ocelot whistle.

"Game on, I suppose..." Double-D sighed, turning his lightsaber into its ray gun mode and changing it to a shotgun-like configuration.

"PLAY BALL!" Ed cheered as he cocked his Combat Shotgun.

A zombie baseball player rose up from the ground, only for his head to be instantly blown off by the blaster.

"Ha! You shot him instead of throwing a ball at him! That's hilarious!" Nick laughed.

"And it's about to get even more funny!" Eddy grinned.

Everyone had a blast gunning down any zombie that tried crawling out after them. Eventually, a woman's voice came up from the announcer's booth.

"Bottom of the Ninth: Juliet Starling, Nick Carlyle, Edwin Horace Alba, Eddward 'Double-D' Marion Skyrise, and Eddy Skipper McGee at bat."

"Looks like they wanna play ball!" Juliet said.

"Ed...get a homer!" Eddy smirked as he smacked his friend's butt, making Ed whiny like a horse before charging like a bull covered in red, running across all the bases and back in seconds.

"Whoa! I'm stoked!" Nick cheered as Juliet did a cheer routine to show support.

Ed, with his inhuman stamina and speed, managed to score enough points for the gang to win the game.

"Awww man, I could watch Ed destroy the field all day but I think we better get a move on," Nick noted.

"Yeah, I guess we should find my sister." Juliet added.

"I think the ship went over to the school's unrealistically gigantic swimming pool." Eddy said.

"I can't believe most of the school's budget went into that..." Double-D sighed before shaking his head. "Nevertheless, swimming is a refreshing way to stay in shape.:

"Since school is canceled, can we make a giant pool of gravy?" Ed asked.

"No, we're not having a repeat of that time!" Eddy snapped.

This feels like a good place to stop for right now. In the next chapter, we have our heroes battle a motherfucking Viking! Get your Peyton Parish tracks ready, folks!