The magnificent Hogwarts castle always gives some sort of safety feeling to people. But tonight, in the darkness, it looked quite ominous. The colour of the vast lake in front of the forest had turned into shades of black as the sky darkened. It seemed as if there was no living being in the depths of that lake or inside the giant castle. The Forbidden Forest spread its ominousness as if the unknown winner of an unseen battle. The ground was wet, and the sky was wet.
A girl, covering her fiery hair with the hood of her robe, was running nervously. When she reached a giant tree where the lake met the Forbidden Forest, everything was darkest of the dark. She took out her wand and surveyed her surroundings. Then, she turned to check her watch. She seemed to be waiting for someone.
A scream, coming from the depths of the forest, belonging to someone or something unknown, echoed. The young girl, huddled in her cloak, shivered under the tree she sought refuge in. She was drenched from the rain. She must have been cold. However, it wasn't clear whether her tremblings was from the cold or from the fear. "I came early. He'll show up." she murmured. The Forbidden Forest echoed with another scream. The girl shivered again.
Albus Dumbledore was seated at his desk, hands folded under his chin, lost in thought. Most people couldn't grasp the difference between the current state of his office and its future state. However, his keen eyes quickly distinguished those who were there before and those who were not. This place was different. Some of his belongings were missing, and some were brand new. Devoid of years of decrepitness, less valuable items... Fawkes seemed so unfamiliar to him! This was the old Fawkes, the one from years ago that he had trained with his experiences. He couldn't warm up to him. The bird, too, had sensed the unfamiliarity in him and kept its distance. Albus missed his phoenix, perhaps more than anything else.
It was eight twenty. Severus would be here soon. He hadn't had a proper conversation with him yet. It was senseless to waste more time. Severus needed to learn why they were here, the things he was eager to find out in the future but currently didn't care much about. He knew Severus would help him. What worried him was Severus suddenly behaving like a troubled teenager. He appreciated the difficulty of his situation, but wasn't it time for him to pull himself together? Couldn't he understand that he needed to stop chasing Lily? At least, he should do it for his own happiness.
Half-past eight. The clock in the corner chimed once. The old, crackling owl on the windowsill was startled by the sound and flew away, seeking new preys in the darkness. Fawkes sang a long, mournful tune. Dumbledore smiled. He knew this. It was the song of complaint. His beautiful red phoenix was expressing discontent. Approaching it, he began to run one of his long, aged fingers over the bird's shiny feathers. This gesture said, "Everything will be alright, my faithful friend."
There was a knock on the door. "Right on time," thought the headmaster.
She had waited for a long time. Yet, the unsettling silence remained unbroken. The wind blew coldly on the back of her neck. The chill sent shivers down her spine. It felt like she had been waiting here for hours. She checked the time again; it was half-past eight. Severus wasn't late, not yet. She had arrived early. She should wait a little longer. She huddled closer to the tree. Her wand was ready for any possibility. The darkness remained undisturbed by any movement. Lily Evans continued to wait.
"I DON'T WANT TO GO OUT! CAN YOU PLEASE CUT IT OUT!"
Everyone in the Gryffindor Common Room looked at the four students in the midst of an intense argument seated across from the fireplace. James Potter turned beet red.
"I'm going upstairs," he whispered and without saying another word, headed towards the revolving stairs leading to the boys' dormitory, leaving behind three bewildered friends.
"Do you think we should follow him?" asked Peter Pettigrew nervously. Sirius replied,
"Sivellus is a dead man! I swear!"
"Really, you're not blaming him now, are you, Padfoot?" Remus Lupin said, almost teasingly.
"What?" Sirius stopped spinning around and looked at him. He wanted to give an angry retort, but Remus looked even more unwell than usual, as if he might faint at any moment. Sirius feared that Remus might collapse, if he was too harsh on him. "Well, who else am I supposed to blame?"
"Well, Snape probably wanted to take advantage when the opportunity presented itself. Aren't you the ones who constantly mess with him? I don't understand why you get mad when he retaliates."
"He is a filthy git!" Peter interjected.
"Yes he is! Why are you playing the knight for dear Sniv? As if he's any kind to you. What does he know about kindness? Disgusting, weird creature!"
"Sorry Padfoot, but if I were in Snape's place and you guys were messing with me like this..."
"What would you do?" Peter asked, his eyes darting back and forth between Remus and Sirius.
"...And if I were sure that I would win in a fair duel, like in the morning's situation, then I would use it."
"So, you're saying James deserved what happened to him, is that it?" Sirius said, his voice rising in octaves. Remus suddenly seemed very anxious.
"You know I didn't mean it like that."
"What do you mean then?" Sirius demanded, his voice escalating in pitch. Remus furrowed his brow, as if he were about to say something but couldn't muster the courage.
"Please calm down! Is this the time for a fight?" Peter tried to intervene. He was shorter than both of them.
"Yes, that's what I'm saying, Padfoot!" Remus said finally, as if inspired. A very faint blush tinged his pale cheeks. "I'm saying James deserved what happened to him. He was constantly messing with Snape, and expecting Snape to passively accept it, isn't that a bit unfair? He didn't do anything different from what we did."
"WE GAVE YOU OUR FRIENDSHIP! AND YOU'RE DEFENDING SNIVELLUS!"
"Severus didn't try to kill anyone either!" Remus said in an icy tone, visibly upset by whatever Sirius had just said. "And I'm not your plaything. I'm not a pitiful soul you promised friendship to or pity. If that's what you think, please leave!"
"OF COURSE, I'LL LEAVE!" Sirius Black shouted, now with the entire common room looking at them. He stormed towards the stairs, following James. Remus Lupin, with an expression of resentment on his face, turned into the crackling fire. Peter, staring after Sirius, hesitated for quite some time, then, gnawing on his fingers nervously, settled in front of his friend, fixing his eyes on the fireplace. It seemed impossible to separate Lupin from a ghost.
How much longer would she have to wait? She was cold, and even though she didn't want to admit it to herself, she was scared. Standing here in the dark, right by the Forbidden Forest, getting drenched to the bone in the rain, it was utterly foolish to be all alone. Severus couldn't have played a trick on her, could he? He had promised to tell her something important. He had said, "We need to talk." He had given his word. He was never late. Why was he late today? Did he think she wouldn't come? After all, Lily hadn't said, "Yes, I'll come." She nodded. It was absurd; he had shouted after her, "I'll wait," hadn't he? He would come; he had to come. It was his last chance.
There, by the big tree she stood next to, a figure moved. Lily lowered her head and looked through the darkness. She hadn't noticed that person at all. Yet, he seemed to have been there from the beginning. Watching her, unmoving. Just like a lion tracking his prey... He raised his head and looked at her with eyes that had darkened in the darkness. Lily let out a scream.
Albus Dumbledore smiled at the young boy in front of him. In response, the boy scowled. He seemed to be reluctant to be there, as if he had been dragged here by someone just a moment ago. The smile on the old man's face widened.
"How about some Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans?"
The boy looked at the candies hopping and jumping in a large basket with disgust. He slowly shook his head from side to side.
"How are things in Slytherin?" Dumbledore asked joyfully.
"Fine. I-I want to ask a question."
"Of course," said Dumbledore, leaning forward with genuine interest. But the black-haired boy didn't respond immediately. He paused, gazing at Dumbledore for a while. Then he took a thick book from his bag and placed it on the table between him and Dumbledore. He stared at the Headmaster as if questioning him.
Albus took the book under the scrutiny of the black eyes. He opened the marked page and appeared surprised.
"I thought you might want to help me," the boy said.
Dumbledore took out a small white piece of paper from his desk and began to write on it with a delicate slanted handwriting. At the same time, he nodded.
"I'm listening."
"Calm down! It's me!"
Lily was trying to control herself with deep breaths. She looked at the boy, clad entirely in black, who obviously didn't need any other camouflage in the darkness. He had come before her, and she hadn't noticed him. But he had undoubtedly seen Lily. He sat there without moving, without even taking a breath, watching her struggle with fear. He must have been greatly amused.
"What do you think you're doing? Is this supposed to be funny?"
"I didn't mean to scare you."
"Oh, really? You're showing that in a strange way!"
"Are you cold?"
"No!"
Severus attempted to take off his cloak, but Lily looked at him with such disdain that he gave up. He, too, drew his wand, cutting through the wind's howl. Then he performed an odd spell. He created a fake circle around Lily and him. The inside of the circle filled with a sweet warmth. A faint red light, not real, illuminated them. This way, Lily Evans and Severus Snape resembled a couple from a different world. The girl turned her head around. She liked the spell. However, she didn't say anything. She directed her gaze at the boy who was at least twenty centimeters taller than her.
"I'm listening."
"You can sit if you want."
Lily glanced at the wet ground. Severus waved his hand with a smile. Inside the circle, a comfortable, pleasant cushion appeared. He waved his hand again, and a sturdy chair came into existence in front of the cushion.
"Please, have a seat."
Lily walked over and sat down on the cushion. At the same time, she observed Snape with interest. The atmosphere had completely shifted from the clandestine meeting it was moments ago. She felt like she was attending a business meeting now. Nevertheless, raindrops bouncing off the invisible circle and the wind, which she knew was still blowing fiercely outside, looked so strange in the peculiar red light... She suddenly felt excited, as if she were in one of her childhood books or fairy tales her mother used to talk about. Snape—the weird little Snape—was like the mysterious youngster from those distant lands in those fairy tales. He wasn't the childhood friend who she knew, he was someone else now. She had never felt this kind of attraction toward Snape before. She shook her head from side to side. She couldn't let herself get confused.
"Yes? I think you've gone through the entire procedure. You can start now."
The boy didn't speak immediately. He was trying to fix his soaking wet, tangled black hair with his surprisingly delicate hands. Under one of his hands, there was a book. It looked like something old. Lily's eyes quickly got cold as she looked at the book. Severus had caught the girl's gaze. As if wanting to explain, he showed her the book.
"Astronomy. I thought I needed to do some studying."
"You don't like Astronomy."
"It's nice that you still remember that," he said delicately. When Lily didn't respond, he continued, "Since you're here, I assume you're curious about the subject."
"Yes," the girl replied briefly.
"Well, do you have any idea what I'm going to say?" he whispered. His eyes, darker than the night, were drilling into her, brighter than the lightest green eyes. Lily felt her entire soul shivering with her body. What was happening to her?
"No, I have no idea."
"All right, do you have any guess?"
"What do you mean?" she asked quickly.
"I mean, what would you like me to say?"
"Nothing! Of course, nothing! Stop babbling and get to the point, Snape!"
Lily had jumped up from her comfortable cushion. She was still inside the circle, but she seemed ready to leave. Snape leaned back in his chair, still smirking sarcastically, without breaking the eye contact.
"I told you to calm down."
Lily looked at Snape's self-assured face as if she could slap him. Then, biting her lip, she returned to the cushion, holding her wand in her hand like a dead animal.
"Why did you come, then?"
"What - what do you mean? What does it mean now? You -" Lily seemed on the verge of going crazy. "YOU TOLD ME TO COME! YOU SAID THERE WAS SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT!"
"And there is!" Snape said with a calming tone. "That's not what I wanted to ask. You're misunderstanding me."
"No. I - I don't understand you."
There was a sudden pain in Severus's eyes, quickly disappearing.
"No one knows this better than me, Lily."
"And?"
"I need you."
Lily just stood there and looked. It was as if she wanted to make sure she heard correctly.
"Is this an important matter?" she asked after a while.
"For me, yes; for you, no," replied the soft voice. Now he wasn't smirking, nor was he harsh. He was just sad. Even Lily could see that.
"We talked about this, didn't we?" she said softly. Now she was adopting the empathetic tone that Severus hated.
"We never actually talked. I can't stand you keeping distant from me, Lily. You are the only thing I have in life, and if it continues like this..."
"If it continues like this?"
"I'll kill myself," he said quite calmly.
Bright green eyes narrowed into slits.
"Are you threatening me?"
"No, I'm stating a fact."
"Why would you kill yourself? You finally got what you wanted. You Know Who must be waiting for you with open arms!"
"I realized that this is not what I wanted."
There was a longer silence than before. In this silence, two young people exchanged a long glance. The taller one washed the other's entire soul with his gaze, to the point that the girl had to turn her head. She seemed unsure of what to do. Through the darkness and rain dominating outside, a small beam of white light filtered toward them. When it reached the circle, it hung in the air. Lily had let go of Snape's gaze and turned to the light.
"What is that?"
"A note," he whispered. Indeed, it was a piece of paper that the surrounding light shielded from the wet hands of the rain. It had come to Severus. The black-haired boy opened the note with unhurried hands. He recognized the slightly slanted handwriting immediately.
"I'm sure you're happy where you are. However, you need to come now.
Note: The Raisin Cake has changed. I don't really like the new version."
"Is it for you?"
"From Dumbledore."
"You seem to be quite chummy with him these past two days. And he even came to visit you in Hospital Wing, they say…"
"We've been "chummy" longer than that, Lily."
"Oh, really? I wonder what kind of relationship you have."
"I'm afraid, it's a relationship based on mutual interests."
"What common interest could you possibly have with Professor Dumbledore?"
"I became a Death Eater."
"What?!"
Severus rolled up his left sleeve, presenting the dark mark shining in all its glory to the red-haired beauty. Lily was stunning, even with the expression of disgust on her face upon seeing the mark.
"Dumbledore knows."
"?"
"I met the Dark Lord, Lily. I saw him up close. I witnessed his ambitions, his ideas. Much earlier than you might think... And I won't allow him to wage war against Muggle-borns just to make himself appear more powerful. Lily, he declared war on people like us, on half-bloods like me and Muggle-borns like you, simply because he forgot he himself is a half-blood. He vowed to destroy all of us unless we submit to him."
Lily was listening as if frozen.
"I've never loved anyone in this world. But I love you very much. And I don't want you to face this danger."
"I don't need your protection."
"But I will protect you as long as I live. Whether you want it or not…"
"What does Dumbledore have to do with this?"
"He trusts me. We've been in contact for a long time."
"So?"
"There's a group—perhaps you've heard of them—calling themselves the 'Order of the Phoenix.'"
"Yes, I've heard of them."
"Right now, they are much weaker compared to the Dark Lord."
"And?"
"And I am in a position where I can easily deceive the Dark Lord. I'm a Slytherin, inclined towards the dark side."
"You're just a child! Dumbledore won't allow this!"
"You're a child, yes. But I'm not…"
"You're seventeen! Merlin! Just seventeen!"
"I'm seventeen, but come on, you too know that I was never truly a child. I grew up very early."
Lily wasn't listening. She was suddenly very agitated.
"Dumbledore will ask you to spy? Is he insane? Why would he trust you? Even if he does, he would never allow you to take such a risk."
"You don't know Dumbledore."
"Which one of us does?"
"I do. We decided to reveal our alliance. That way, when I go to the Dark Lord, I can inform him that I have Dumbledore's trust and that I am in a great position to spy on behalf of the Dark Side."
"Up until a year ago…"
"You're important to me, Lily—"
"DON'T CHANGE THE SUBJECT!"
"That was our topic! I need you so much."
"I don't believe you."
"No. You just don't trust me."
Lily paused.
"Yes, I don't trust you."
Snape pulled the hood of his cloak over his head. With his wand, he dispelled the magical circle. The puff and the chair vanished. The rain, with a vengeance, targeted them again. Severus touched Lily's red hair with his wand. He whispered something. Lily, under a powerful disillusionment charm, was now concealed even from the sharpest-eyed birds. Severus pocketed his wand. With his cloak billowing behind him, he walked into the pouring rain. Then, he turned back to the invisible girl he left behind.
"I will make you trust me!"