A\N: Please, continue spreading awareness about what is going on in Palestine, Congo and Sudan at the moment and calling for a permanent and lasting ceasefire. Check out free palestine, free congo and free sudan hashtags on social media

—

Arizona woke up with a start, her numb body jolting upright on the couch. Heart racing, she looked around, completely disoriented, even though it was almost sunrise outside. Despite the fact, the first thing she actually felt was Callie's grip tightening around her automatically as she moved.

She didn't remember falling asleep. Or taking off her prosthetic. She remembered crying. A lot. And one more thing that didn't feel real. It had to be a bad dream. Except she hadn't been sleeping. Not really. Her body had just succumbed to the unbearable news, taking her mind with it.

But now she needed to go to the hospital, needed to see for herself, needed to–

"Arizona?" Callie stirred on the couch as Arizona froze with her hand on the door handle. "What are you doing?"

"I need to go to the hospital," Arizona muttered hastily, pulling the door open.

Callie caught up to her on the stairs leading down from the porch.

"Wait! Arizona–" she clutched Arizona's hand, where the blonde was holding the car keys.

Arizona did stop, looking from their hands back to Callie. "I need to see her," she whispered almost pleadingly.

"I don't want you driving like this," Callie said almost in the same voice.

"Callie, I–"

"Our daughter is sleeping upstairs," Callie reminded. "Please just come back inside and we'll figure something out."

A bit passed.

Arizona's hand relaxed, surrendering the keys, Back inside she slumped into one of the chairs in the dining room, her head dropping into her hands. Callie approached cautiously, taking a chair opposite her ex wife's disheveled figure.

"Can you repeat it?" Arizona's request sounded muffled, words bumping into her palms. "My brain… it's kind of foggy. So can you just repeat everything you said to me yesterday?" she proceeded, taking her hands away.

Callie shifted on her chair, biting her lip doubtfully. But Arizona looked determined.

"A few hours before Herman was supposed to be discharged," Callie caved in, watching carefully for the slightest change of Arizona's expression, "she suddenly went into cardiac arrest." She paused, as Arizona gulped in a broken inhale, her knuckles sickeningly white. Silently, Callie got up and poured a glass of water.

"They got her back," she said after Arizona took a sip. "But it was too late. Brain death."

Unable to get a single word to come out of her mouth, Arizona nodded, stray tears rolling freely down her cheeks.

The silence stretched, the ticking of the living room clock booming like thunder in Callie's ears.

"You know, you could… smoke if you want to. I don't mind," she said finally after yet another tick, watching Arizona wringing her fingers restlessly.

Arizona let out a short teary laugh. Of course Callie knew she had started smoking again after the divorce. She had been craving cigarettes for the longest time actually if she was being honest. The atmosphere at home and the added weight of the fellowship making her fingers itch for a good drag or two. Or ten.

She was holding on though. Up until the very end of Day 30, marking the end of her marriage. Coincidentally.

Since then the amount of her secret smokes could go up to five a shift. Relatively secret. Callie new because she was Callie, of course. Herman knew because she was Herman. And she had a tumor ticking in her head.

"C'mon, Robbins. Finding out other people's secrets increases life expectancy."

"Amelia is going to save you," Arizona muttered like some sort of mantra.

"Yeah, yeah whatever. Where were you?"

"I just needed a breather," Arizona said in the 'for the 1000th time' tone, which Nicole never actually bought.

"Liar!"

Arizona waved the accusation off, returning to the article she had been reading before the interrogation started. Nicole wouldn't stop looking at her, though, squinting suspiciously, which made Arizona's nose tingle.

"Fine!" she snapped finally, slamming the magazine shut. "I was smoking!" she admitted, looking somewhere past Nicole.

There was a bit.

Followed by an eruption of laughter.

"God, this is amazing!" Nicole groaned, doubling over on the couch. "Why do you always keep the juciest things from me?!"

Arizona shook her head, hiding a smile. It was nice to not have someone adding to her own shame.

"Think Shepherd will prescribe me medical weed?" Nicole pondered once her excitement had died down a bit, an amused smirk still playing on her lips. "Ever tried?"

"I plead the fifth," Arizona said, raising her eyebrows innocently.

Her little laugh turned into a full blown weep, radiating through her whole body. Callie tensed up as Arizona certainly wasn't holding it together anymore, stifled sobs making it hard for her to breathe.

A second of watching her like this and Callie was rounding the table, drawing the crying woman into a hug. It probably looked a little awkward, Arizona's head resting against her stomach, but eventually the tears subsided, soft morning sun caressing glistening skin.

"She's in my head," Arizona whimpered, breathing hard through the aftershocks of her breakdown. "And I still… I still can't do this by myself."

"You are not by yourself," Callie whispered, her hand finding Arizona's shoulder just like back in the lounge. "You are not alone."

—

"Ready?"

Arizona wasn't but still nodded, because she had to be. They drove to the hospital. Every possible test had been carried out and repeated. It was confirmed. And Callie was there.

But the next step Arizona had to take alone.

"Alright. Shadow Shepherd is going to stop all non-comfort care medications and extubate her–"

Arizona blinked. "Callie, I'm a doctor. You don't have to…"

"That's why Shadow Shepherd won't say any of this," Callie said with a sad sympathetic smile. "Except you'll be anything but a doctor when you go into that room. So…" she waited for Arizona to nod her understanding before continuing.

Arizona flinched as an unknown folder suddenly landed on the table in front of her.

"What's that? A new case?"

"No. My health care directive." Nicole said, Arizona's hand freezing halfway. "We've talked about it but here is it is all in writing. C'mon, don't be a chicken."

Glancing at her mentor with a frown, the blonde pulled the folder closer to herself, opening it cautiously. Nicole let her go through all the pages in silence. Some took more time and composure than others but finally the last one was turned, a deep shadow crossing Arizona's face now. Silently she took a pen, flicking her signature the required amount of times.

"You know, I used to have a DNR," Nicole said, making Arizona's head snap up. "Now I have hope," she scoffed. "And you."

"At least you don't have Graham anymore," Arizona added quietly, voice betraying her for a moment.

"True. Don't get me wrong, sometimes I miss the sex but… Do you? MIss the sex?" Nicole clarified when the woman in front of her appeared to be at a loss.

"With Leah?" Arizona blurted out, face immediately cringing in regret.

"Well," Nicole chuckled, "I meant in general, but if you are into specifics…" her eyebrows shot up meaningfully.

"I'm not! I should've never had sex with her to begin with! And Callie and I got tot back together after so… no!"

"Fine. So you miss sex with Callie then?"

"I… Arizona huffed in disbelief, fighting with her chair. "I don't miss sex with anyone! Considering I now live in a house with very thin walls, I might actually hate sex!"

"Easy with the cigarettes, Robbins! We can't both have a tumor!"

"She may have only minutes left. Or it could last for hours," Callie finished, watching Arizona's absent expression with concern. "Arizona?"

"Shadow Shepherd is here," Arizona blinked the mist off her eyes, nodding somewhere behind Callie's back. "So I should… Thank you, Callie."

"Of course," Callie said as Arizona braced herself before following the neurosurgeon into Herman's room.

Callie was right. He barely said a few words, turning off switch after switch. Arizona watched, heart beating faster and faster, until there was the most important left.

"Wait! You haven't seen Dr. Shepherd, have you?" Logically Arizona realized she was just delaying the inevitable. Bits and pieces of the few conversations she'd actually been able to process, indicated nobody really knew where Amelia was, which she was sure would become a point of great concern when she was able to feel anything but sadness and crushing guilt.

When Dr. Nelson shook his head negatively, she still asked him to wait, squeezing Nicole's hand harder in hers. "You picked the right horse," she whispered, chocking up on tears. "I promise."

Once again Callie was right. It might have lasted minutes or hours. Arizona decided she wouldn't be the best person to ask.

When she exited the room, head pressed into shoulders, Alex was lingering nearby, with a silent question in his eyes. When Arizona nodded, he mirrored it.

"C'mon, I'll take you home."

A vain protest, that she needed to work because she promised, came up and died on Arizona's swollen lips. Exhausted, she followed Alex to the parking lot. As they came closer to his car, Arizona noticed Callie standing there in her white coat, Sofia fooling around at the driver's seat. Watching her try and turn the wheel with her tiny hands immediately lit up a smile on Arizona's face.

"Mama, you sad?" Sofia asked with a very serious expression, looking up when Arizona stopped at the driver's door.

"Yeah, baby," Arizona said, softly caressing Sofia's cheek. "Mama is a little sad, but it's alright."

"I help!" Sofia reached for a piece of paper Arizona hadn't noticed until now, and lifted her arms in the air, very determined. Rising her eyebrows as Alex chuckled to her left, Arizona scooped the child up.

"It's a rainbow cat!" Sofia explained excitedly, squirming a little.

"Wow!" Arizona smiled, tracing colourful whiskers with her finger. "It's beautiful, goose. I already feel so much better!"

"You do?" Sofia looked up with so much sincerity in her big brown eyes, that Arizona felt a fresh portion of tears brewing deep inside her chest.

"I do," she confirmed, planting a kiss on Sofia's forhead. "Be good for Mamí, okay?"

"Always good," Sofia chirped, burrowing into her mother's neck.

"Of course you are," Arizona chuckled, eyes burning a little. "Thank you," she mouthed to Callie above Sofia's shoulder.

—

A little bit ahead in terms of chapters on AO3: /works/49609279/chapters/125210338

comments are more than welcome and greatly appreciated!