A\N: Please, continue spreading awareness about what is going on in Palestine, Congo and Sudan at the moment and calling for a permanent and lasting ceasefire. Check out free palestine, free congo and free sudan hashtags on social media and accounts like wizard_bisan1 and azaiazamotaz9 on Instagram and twitter
—
Two weeks after the metaphorical explosion it was safe to say they were… more divorced, the weird post-death period seemingly over proceeded by saying-thoughtless-things-over-cut-off-penises one (Arizona still stood by her point. It wasn't that big of a deal).
In regard to everything else it was in full swing. The Foundation people requested all the files – ones concerning the fellowship and Amelia's too. A really annoying guy with a prickly corporate voice called her too and tried really hard to get her to say something she shouldn't. Amelia got the same call, they discussed it over coffee. Arizona couldn't sleep that night, but evidently a week later she still hasn't been thrown into a prison cell or stripped of her license, so she had let herself relaxed begrudgingly.
What she was doing first thing this morning in particular wasn't relaxing at all, though.
"What's that?" Alex asked, looking up from his cereal, as she came into the kitchen with the package she'd received.
"An urn," she said unloading the box onto the countertop.
"Pfft, not this again," Alex groaned, dropping his spoon into the bowl. "It'll not even Halloween."
"What? Anyway, it's literally packed! And you spilled milk." Arizona cringed just the way Alex did at the box.
"Still. The day is gonna be crap." He picked up the spoon again, lifting it resolutely as if to further support his prediction.
Arizona made a face at him. Then another one when he wasn't looking.
—
Alex had a very annoying ability of ending up right. Arizona was able to end up sitting on the supply closet floor with Meredith Grey. She wasn't quite sure how much time had passed since they've last estimated they were okay. But her pager decided she didn't have anymore time. Yoga class.
No questions asked Meredith outstretched her hand for support. Arizona held it longer than she would have in normal circumstances, a.k.a if a plane hadn't crashed in the middle of Seattle, finding at least her physical sense of balance because mental one was out of the window.
"The girl will find her boyfriend," she said as firmly as she could already at the door.
Then she walked out and right into the weeds. Alex landed her a hand. A very annoying, noisy hand, meddling in her business when she was certainly not coming apart! She bit his hand and his head off, immediately feeling bad about it.
Little did she know she would feel a thousand, a million times worse very soon.
"Do you know it was me who cut off your leg?"
Such a stupid question. Of course she didn't know. If she knew she would… She and Callie would… Everything would… There were too many "ifs" and "woulds" with painfully unclear endings, flashing before her eyes as she watched Callie walk away.
More divorced than ever.
As if in slow motion, she shoot Alex a page to notify her in case one of the yoga moms left in the hospital for overnight observation became unstable, and went to the lounge.
She didn't remember wanting to sleep, but apparently that's exactly what her overloaded brain did as soon as her body touched the couch. She wasn't even able to feel the plush cushions against her back, falling right through onto the cold hard ground of the woods. Alone, which was rare.
There was no Mark. No Lexie. No Cristina coming onto her, determined to keep the bugs out of her messed up leg. There was no–
"God, I hate camping."
Arizona's head whipped to the right, eyes stumbling over Nicole, looking absolutely foreign in the scene.
"What are-"
"You've been thinking about me a lot lately." Nicole shrugged, looking way to comfortable against the metal wreckage. "Which would be flattering if I wasn't you know… dead," she quipped, Arizona's shocked expression adding to her fun. "And you are back in peds," she said less gleefuly.
"Not like I asked for it," muttered Arizona, fidgeting in her Grey Sloan jacket.
"God, and the call from the Foundation…" Nicole continued, unfazed, shaking her head in mock disbelief. "You are bad at poker, aren't you?"
"The guy was a fucking menace!"
"True too. Maybe I should haunt him."
"You can do that?"
"What, want to ask me to torment your ex, your ex-wife's ex, your shared ex?" Nicole snorted delightfully.
"Huh-"
"I think you need to can it with blondes," she suggested thoughtfully. "Brunettes are a no too I suppose, except for…" She winked smugly at a dumbfounded Arizona. "Maybe redheads?"
Arizona just huffed, ignoring her demonstratively. Except for one… Yeah, of course.
"Do you think they'll give me the job back?" she asked instead, trying to pull a casual tone.
"We are in a dream. I'm not a psychic. How would I know? Keep up, Robbins!"
"Right."
"Well…" Nicole gave in, expression turning serious for a change. "I know I picked the right horse even though she's benched for the time being."
Arizona nodded, a lump forming in her throat.
"Stop calling me horse," she coughed, both of them chuckling at the familiarity of the banter.
"Beautiful urn, by the way."
"Oh, about that. Where do I scatter… your ashes?"
"I told you already, I don't know anything!"
"But the question is not about the future!" insisted Arizona.
"That looks disturbing," Nicole deflected, cringing at Arizona's messed up leg. As soon as she did, a bolt of pain shot through her femur. It didn't hurt a minute ago.
"What the-"
"So sorry for Shepherd. I mean, Shepherds…"
—
So Nicole knew about Derek but not whether Arizona would be getting her job back of where to scatter her ashes. That was bullshit. And also had 'cuckoo's nest' written all over it. So Arizona tried not to think about it. Especially not at Derek's funeral.
People probably assumed she was thinking about the plane crash. She didn't, deliberately sweeping away any thought of it.
Instead she thought about McDreamy. The guy who got married on a post-it note in the residents lounge, nobody allowed to judge it. The guy who wrote checks to design life-saving equipment for a kid. The guy who liked to make an entrance.
A husband.
Her eyes found a motionless Meredith, rooted to her couch. Arizona wondered if the girl had found her boyfriend.
A brother.
She could barely make herself look at Amelia.
A friend.
"Hey." Her eyes focused on Callie. "You are picking up Sofia afterwards, right?"
"Yeah, why?"
"Well, I… came with Owen.."
She didn't feel like driving. Of course.
"Oh, no problem. I'd be glad to…"
"That's… thank you."
A little over an hour ago they said their condolences and goodbyes Metedith didn't really hear and went outside towards Arizona's car. Shutting the driver's door shut she automatically reached out and pulled out the sun visor for Callie. She hated sun rays shining into her face.
Realizing what she did, Arizona swallowed and adjusted her grip on the wheel, looking straight ahead. Callie glanced at her sideways, fastening her seatbelt.
Nobody said anything. Then and throughout the whole ride, that took two times longer than it usually would, Arizona unfazed even when people honked at them.
The babysitter was happy to get payed extra. While Callie was sorting out things with her, Arizona was walking around with Sofia as she made sure she's packed all the toys she needed. The answer being no, Arizona was handed a plush giraffe and a toy guitar.
"Thank you, Mama."
"You are welcome, goose. I don't remember this one." Arizona pressed a few colourful buttons. "Mamí got you this?"
"It's Zola's," Sofia said, looking up from a stressful debate. The rule was three additional toys max. There was already a mini toy store coursing around as it was. "Miss Zola, Mama," she said looking at Arizona hopefully.
"I know you do, sweetie. But…"
"Does her tummy hurt? I don't go to daycare when my tummy hurts." While Sofia kept looking at her, Arizona looked at Callie who stood leaning against the doorframe. Silently they came to an agreement.
"Why don't we go sit on the couch with Mamí?" Arizona put the toys away and helped Sofia settle in, Callie sitting on her right. Sofia looked between her mothers curiously, her tiny hands drumming lightly on their hips.
"Sof, the the thing is, Zola hasn't been to daycare because…" Callie started, tucking a strand of Sofia's hair away.
"…because her Daddy was in an accident and he is… in the stars now and she's sad."
"Will he come back?"
Callie swiped her thumb over Sofia's cheek with a sad smile. "No, goose, he won't."
"Like my Daddy?"
Existential crises.
"Um…" Arizona scooped Sofia up, giving Callie, whose face went pale in an instant, a moment with herself.
"Yeah, sweetie," she cleared her throat, wandering off to the kitchen.
"Are they together?"
"Honestly I think they are." Arizona nodded, kissing the top of Sofia's head. She needed a moment too. The questions subsided, Sofia playing with Arozona's bracelet. But only for a minute.
"Mommy?"
"Yes?"
"Will you go to the stars too?"
Arizona felt her breath hitch. "No," she said firmly.
"And Mamí?"
"No, Sofia." Arizona sat her down onto the countertop. "Nobody is going anywhere, okay?"
"Okay." As always Sofia stared right into her soul with those big brown eyes. "Sowry you are sad, Mama." She got up on the counter, wobbling a little and tried to wrap her arms around Arizona.
"Thank you, Sof." Arizona sighed, eyes closed, cuddling Sofia to herself. They stayed like this for a minute until Sofia let go, looking up at Arizona again with a thoughtful expression. Mentally Arizona braced herself for another impossible question.
"I want Barbie but Alex like Rubble more."
Arizona felt a chuckle rippling through her, the corner of her lips twitching a little. "We can take both," she said, trying to keep a serious face.
Sofia frowned, seeing right through her mother. "Mamí, Mama is laughing at me!"
"Ah! You little snitch!" Arizona grabbed Sofia's sides, launching a tickling attack.
"No, Mama!" Sofia protested through a fit of giggles, squirming. "Mamí… help!"
Callie came into the kitchen and their eyes met, a smile pulling at Arizona's lips, when she saw Calllie smiling at them. Sofia's little foot poking her in the ribs was an excellent and deserved woke up call, Arizona looking away immediately. That felt too domestic. They didn't do domestic anymore.
"Okay." Arizona let go of Sofia, pouring her a glass of water. "No rush, missy." Of course Sofia gulped the water down, Arizona shaking her head at her cheeky grin.
"Thirsty, Mama." The toddler shrugged.
"Okay, c'mon, thirsty," Callie chuckled, getting Sofia down from the counter. "Go get your toys. Alex is waiting for Rubble."
The dog secured in Sofia's hands, other toys in the bag, they finally were on their way out. Callie followed. Usually she would stop on the porch. If either of them said they didn't check the car seat twice each, Sofia and Rubble observing the commotion in amusement, that would be a lie.
"Okay." Arizona shut Sofia's door, watching out for tiny fingers. "I'll see you tomorrow." Even as the words left her mouth she couldn't quite make herself pull the door handle. Derek was dead. Mark was too.
"Are you gonna be okay?" she asked turning to Callie before she could change her mind.
"I… Yeah, of course. I thought I'd cook something for Meredith and the kids…"
"That's a good idea. Then I'm gonna-"
"Arizona?"
"Yeah?" Somehow Arizona had a feeling she wouldn't like whatever Callie was going to say. She could not handle a conversation about kisses. Or legs. Especially after the time she'd woken up with a scream on the lounge couch, her leg on fire. And a few more… times after that. Truth was, Arizona wasn't ready to deal with it beyond having a mirror at hand again.
"Just…" Callie chewed on her lip. Arizona waited, an uneasy feeling settling in the pit of her stomach. Suddenly Callie's expression changed, apparently, together with her mind. "…drive safe."
"I will."
She watched in the rearview mirror as Callie went back inside, and sighed, squeezing her eyes shut.
"Mama? Maybe Zola want to come to my birthday?"
"Maybe, Sof." Arizona turned the key in the ignition. She didn't have the heart to say no.
"We should get a pony so she not sad."
—
The pony was postponed for an indefinite period of time since nobody knew when Meredith would be coming back. The whole party was actually postponed, since Sofia was apparently sad now too. Callie thought she'd change her mind. Arizona didn't.
Deep inside she also didn't think Meredith would be coming back any time soon or at all. She'd had her fair share of running. Into planes and from one of the best peds fellowships to, as it turned out, a cursed hospital, ranked 12 in the country. She was desperate to get out of Baltimore.
Years later there she was searching for a cake for her daughter's 4th birthday because maybe there wasn't going to be a party but there would be a cake.
Suddenly the door bell rang. Frowning, Arizona put her laptop and the ice pack for her leg away, getting up from the couch with a hiss. It was almost 12:00 a.m. Alex and Jo were supposed to be on shift. And she really didn't need any bad news thrown her way at the moment.
Unfortunately, when April barreled right through the door and through Arizona herself for that matter, her flustered state was screaming bad news.
"April, what-"
"I'm going on tour," April's eyes widened at her own words, voice shaking. "With Owen. And I'm scared Jackson won't understand. So I… need someone… to…"
Happy Easter, Arizona thought, kicking the door shut, as the last seconds of Sunday slipped away.
—
A little bit ahead in terms of chapters on AO3: /works/49609279/chapters/125210338
comments are more than welcome and greatly appreciated!