Chapter 10

After Logan's abrupt outpour in the car, arriving at the sanctuary had lost half of its original appeal. Logan had contemplated several times during the last 10 minutes of their drive whether he should just suggest heading back to the house. But he realized just as well as Rory that if they did, running into anyone there, would cause questions and it was the answers both he and Rory were likely reluctant to give. Not just reluctant but also, unable. They weren't supposed to be shaken by things already seven plus years in the past. But 'supposed to' was the key word here, wasn't it?

The two barely talked, mostly interacting with the staff enough to get their tickets and agree on which services they wanted. They eventually opted for the standard tickets with wildlife encounters, and headed into the sanctuary, looking more like a married couple in the middle of a post-fight silent treatment than the friends they were trying to be.

But seeing the wildlife did help. The nature was beautiful and unusual, causing them to pause and wonder as they went through the place. And when they passed the reptiles – it was a little frightening, too. Most of the furry creatures were sweet though, causing Rory to "aww" in a sing-song voice, forgetting who she was with. One cute sight after another also softened Rory's facial expressions, and caused the two to begin to let out small comments about this and that, even an occasional chuckle. It was finally as Rory was handed a baby koala to hold, along with a bottle to feed the little guy, Logan dared to open his mouth again, despite feeling like his mouth had done more damage than good that day already.

"You look like a pro with him… or her," Logan commented, not knowing what the koala's gender was. "I bet you're great as a mom," he added.

Rory glanced briefly at him, continuing to keep her focus on the creature in her hands. There was a hint of sadness in her discussing anything relating to motherhood with Logan, but this really didn't seem like the time or place to open that Pandora's box in its entirety.

"I really wasn't… I am not that natural at it, really," Rory said, deciding that maybe it was better to just ignore everything Logan had said in the car until she knew what exactly to say to that. She'd once been great at ignoring things, maybe this was once again the moment to put those skills into good use. For the sake of friendship. At the very least until she really comprehended what it meant and what that information actually changed.

"I don't believe that. You're being just too hard on yourself," Logan replied.

"No, really. I'm serious," Rory replied, after a few moments, daring to look up at him again.

Logan frowned, not knowing how to argue with that.

"I mean, I do my best. But the early years were rough for me. Had I not gone back to school, found some new meaning for my life outside the diapers and bottles, I honestly don't know how I would've coped. Turns out, I had PND. It went undiagnosed for a while. So, I really wasn't all happy-go-lucky most of the time," Rory shared.

"I'm sorry," Logan said, having not intended to touch upon a touchy subject.

"Not your fault. Not anybody's fault," Rory said, knowing and believing it now herself.

"I just meant that you look good like that," Logan commented, hoping Rory got what he was hinting at. He had always thought about having kids with Rory someday, even if it had always been 'something down the road' and never something within grasp. He just hoped she too remembered their scotch-infused late-night talks about these things, back when things had not yet been awkward or overly careful.

"Yeah, this little guy is cute, isn't he?" Rory said, watching the creature finish their bottle.

"So, how did your mom and dad take… um, I know it's not polite to ask, but here goes, … the lack of grandkids from your side?" Rory decided to ask, knowing it was borderline too evasive. But she was comfortable with him, and almost felt like if she got all these obstacles out of the way, it would be easier to try to overcome the sensitive subjects and actually be friends.

Logan chuckled, sensing how in a way this was Rory's payback for him getting up and personal about her motherhood experiences just now. But he had never expected her not to ask him, or not tell her what was going on, as long as he showed genuine interest in his life.

"Not well, that's for sure," Logan chuckled.

"Are you happy with that?" Rory asked, half assuming it was Odette's decision or at the very least some mutual decision to not bring children into their 'situation'.

"Actually...," Logan began, aiming to reveal something bigger, but right then they were interrupted by the sanctuary caretaker who took the koala from Rory's arms.

"Kind of makes me want to think about getting a pet… maybe a dog?" Rory said. She was rethinking a lot of things in life, wanting to fill it with something other than relationship drama. It was surely better than getting a new, bad, haircut many women got after breakups?

"Yeah," Logan chuckled.

Rory picked up her purse again and the two followed the path onwards to see some other animals.

"What were you going to say before?" Rory asked, regretting that she was such a blabbermouth sometimes.

"Um... well… About kids…Odette's been interviewing surrogates, so maybe…," Logan confessed.

"So, you're going to be a dad?!" Rory asked, her tone breaking from surprise. She wasn't even sure what it was – disappointment maybe? But there were other layers to what she felt, too. For Logan's sake she was also excited and happy – in whatever shape or form he could get it, Logan deserved happiness, too.

"I might. Too soon to be sure," Logan shrugged, a hint of proudness in his tone despite it.

"I'm glad," Rory said, more so because Logan had a chance to experience being a father than anything else.

"It's a little complicated, so anything could happen. We've already waited a little too long to consider other options," Logan explained. Somehow, hearing Logan actually express some sense of hopefulness for a better future for himself, with or without Odette resonated with Rory, allowing her to not so much see Logan as an ex but as a friend who was indeed moving on in his life. Maybe that was what she needed? To hear about his life that wasn't so bad.

"Yeah, but if anything has options left it's you, right?" Rory said, hopefully. "For what it's worth, I think you'd make a great dad," she added.

"It means a lot coming from you. You know me and you know my dad. It's not like I've had a particularly good role model in parenting," Logan replied.

Rory was humbled, hearing him say that. But the rest she sympathized with, having never really thought of it from that angle.

"Well, it's not like I've had a traditional childhood either," Rory said.

"Yeah, but look at you and your mom," Logan replied.

"True... but I'm pretty sure there's a fine line between close and an unhealthy dependence," Rory chuckled.

"I guess," Logan laughed. Laughing felt good.

"I honestly think I've learned more about parenting from watching my dad parent Gigi than from my mom. She just wings it. She's been my friend, hardly ever my mom," Rory described.

"Well, Gigi doesn't seem to have turned out that bad…," Logan continued, leading Rory down another train of conversation, discussing how it had been seeing Gigi grow up close, giving them a hint of what being friendly with each other was like. Because they'd always been friends, even before they'd been lovers, they'd always just clicked. Even if it had been just about the phone calls, just about having someone to unwind to.