Chapter 14

After promising Rory he would tell Odette about having seen her, leaving him conflicted of her aim as such, Logan dove into the inviting water, needing a minute to think. He let the water wash over his head, and exhaled, letting out a lungful of bubbles as he glided to the other end of the pool in one breath. The water was so pleasantly cool against his skin, almost as if being submerged enabled him to make sense of all of this better. He thought he got Rory, but at moments like this - and there had been many - he really didn't.

Rory felt odd too, not quite understanding why this mattered to her so much. Was she setting up a safeguard of some sort? Or was this just about trust - the shame of their former relationship having caused her a lot of guilt once she'd begun to untangle the feelings related to it in her mind.

Rory stared at an empty spot in front of her and was slightly startled by Logan who emerged from the water with a splash.

He inhaled and exhaled audibly, and pushed the water off his face and hair. God, he looked good doing that.

"What?" Rory asked, sensing that Logan was studying her for a moment too long.

"Have you been talking to that guy of yours? You tell him about running into an ex out here?" Logan asked, squinting his eyes a little. As far as Logan knew that relationship was not an open one, hence feeling like if anyone needed to come clean about anything it was Rory not him. And if she was here, making requests of that kind, surely the very least he could ask was for her to even the playingfield.

"Like I said… it's complicated," Rory said, feeling a little attacked by the topic she knew to be full of landmines.

"So, what you're saying is that he wouldn't care the least bit that you're hanging out with me out here," Logan said, a hint of teasing in his tone.

"Well, I wouldn't quite say that…," Rory said, blushing a little at that thought.

"So? Are you going to tell him? Or am I better kept a secret?" Logan said in a challenging tone, showing Rory how her thinking was at least a little flawed concerning Odette.

Odette, by default, cared little about who Logan saw outside of their relationship if it was tasteful, and he knew how to keep a low profile doing it not to embarrass her. But Odette knew that Rory was different, actually having the potential to disrupt how Logan viewed his former life choices - but of course Logan realized that Rory didn't know how different she truly was, having avoided the truth long enough to not even fully consider it. That was how he saw it. He didn't fully understand it, nor did he understand her reasons - but it was the best explanation he'd thought up during all those years. The alternative - that he didn't like to think about - and that was that Rory had only really ever seen him as fun.

"Technically we're not talking right now. I mean, we are… but barely, unless it's something concerning Mil," Rory explained, looking down at the water.

"Okay…," Logan said, the gears going off in his head. He would've almost asked out loud - who cheated on whom? - but cared enough not to poke in case it was a sensitive subject, guessing that in a more conventional relationship it was the most common cause for something like that.

"Let's just say he's in no position to dictate who I spend my time with," Rory said, answering Logan's unasked question, and climbed out of the pool, not feeling like it anymore.

"Right," Logan sighed, not knowing which emotion to show in his face. And he certainly had a good poker face. Part of him didn't like hearing it, but a part of him did - it was almost like he was in the middle of a business deal and saw a glimmer of light through an impossible row of obstacles.

"We weren't connecting… for a while now… and he's away from home a lot and one thing led to another, and he developed something with his editor. And I mean, I don't blame him really - she's nice. She's smart and pretty... I don't know what he plans to do, I don't really feel like talking about it. I don't know if it is truly over or not, but right now I just needed a few weeks to myself and to just forget about it," Rory explained, speaking quickly as if getting the gist out there somehow enabled her to forget about this quicker, as she continued to dry herself up. She wasn't about to hurry back to her room, but this just hadn't felt like pool conversation any longer.

Rory sat down on the recliner, keeping her legs firmly on the ground.

"I'm sorry," Logan said, seriously, remaining in the water for now.

"It wasn't just his fault. I mean I was pretty much giving him the cold shoulder for other reasons as well… and I kind of think it was inevitable," Rory said, not going into explaining how one of those reasons had been Jess's problem with her having more money and the way she spent it, her career choices as well as his craving to have more kids with her. Ever since he'd brought up the latter, Rory's knees had been shut more than open, feeling like she didn't trust him enough to really believe her when she said she didn't want more kids.

"Well, if it's revenge you want, you can always tell him, you know… that we did something," Logan said, not quite knowing how he felt about this scenario. He had his own heart to protect, but then again, he truly wanted anyone who treated Rory badly to feel the karma.

Rory just couldn't help herself. And maybe it was even the heat. But suddenly she just burst into laughter.

"What?" Logan asked, feeling puzzled of her reaction.

"I'm sorry," Rory laughed, unable to stop. Maybe it was just a nervous reaction or something. "I've been tiptoeing around how to tell you… no, not to ask you to do that, not that," she felt she needed to add. "But just, oh wow…," she added, giggling frantically.

"Tell me what?" Logan asked, frowning his eyebrows a little. At this he climbed out of the water himself.

"You might hate me once I say this," Rory said, continuing to laugh. But she knew she had to tell him.

"I promise, I won't," Logan assured, finding her funny like this, not possibly seeing the seriousness of what she was thinking about. He'd by now dried himself off, and the warm evening air was drying both of them up quickly.

"Well… um… a long time ago he... um... he might've said the exact same thing to me, that you just said. Concerning you, I mean. You know, after that whole bridesmaids' thing back in college… just before your accident," Rory confessed.

A mixture of emotions of another kind washed over Logan, making him recall glimpses of information from decades ago. There was also shame, guilt, and a painful reminder to his first night at the hospital after his base-jumping accident.

"You're seeing him? Jess - that was his name, right?" Logan replied.

"What?!" Rory reacted, having not expected him to figure that out just like that. "But yes. I mean I was… he's Mil's dad, yes," Rory confessed.

That caused Logan's face to form a grim look, the latter having not hit him until now. It was obvious, but he just hadn't connected that last fact.

"How did you know I was talking about him?" Rory asked.

"I remember you telling me about it that night at the hospital," Logan replied, quietly, pushing the rest of his emotions aside. He'd been pretty out of it, but he'd heard a great deal of what was going on around him at the hospital.

That night had been a hell of a mess, she'd been angry, worried, and guilt-ridden. She'd been sobbing her eyes out. She'd said a lot of things, pouring out every shred of guilt, hurt and sorrow for his health, including how she didn't want to lose him.

"But you never said anything?" Rory replied.

"Because I never blamed you… sure, it stung, but you came, you were there with me… every step of the way. I would have forgiven you a lot more than that," Logan explained, feeling his heart ache as he did. He'd genuinely felt like he'd deserved her revenge, it had been at least something concrete compared to her just being passive agressive with him.

Rory didn't know what to say, his words waking something in her as well, reminding her what she'd felt back then. She licked her lips, not wanting to begin sobbing like the woman she'd been back then.

"So, you and him, you got back together… after…?" Logan asked.

"We did," Rory exhaled, knowing Logan must've not loved hearing this.

Logan wanted to ask, but didn't, whether going back to him had something she had been thinking about doing while he had still been in her life. Maybe for her - this Jess, whom he'd barely seen once, had been the one that got away?

"He just was supportive of my writing, and we began to hang out more and more. It became clear to me he still had feelings for me and…," Rory explained, trailing into too much detail about how they'd ended up together.

Logan didn't love hearing all of it, but he did appreciate understanding her life a little better. What it sounded like to him, however, despite her trying to make it sound like something else, was that she'd more found comfort in him than going back to a long lost love. At least he hoped that was what it was - but even that thought had many flaws to it, knowing he ought to wish her nothing but the best in life.

"Uh-huh," Logan reflected, really just wanting Rory to stop talking.

"I'm sorry if that was hard to hear," Rory explained.

"It's fine. It's probably not much better than hearing about me and Odette," Logan said.

"Yeah, but from what I gather it's more about the convenience with her," Rory replied.

"It is," Logan confirmed.

"And of course, then there's the prospect of kids…," Rory said, which she knew would complicate things even further.

Somewhere in the back of their minds, they weren't having this conversation just to discuss the past and understand each-other better. There was also a tentative poking for feelings, thoughts and possibilities concerning a future.

"Well, there are none yet," Logan felt he needed to emphasize. It was a matter of weeks until they were about to complicate things, and in this moment with Rory and the absolutely insane level of 'complicated' between them that he honestly wished he could somehow avoid making things even worse. He craved to know whether there was a shred of chance for them… whether there were still real feelings there on her side.