"After this moment,
I'm not sure if we can go back to being natural…"
"I Like You"
Day6
Merlin has fistfuls of my hair, I can almost feel it squeezed between his fingers, but it's competing with the heat of his tongue against mine. I can't remember how we got into this situation, and now that I've tasted him, I'm not sure I want to remember a time before this. When he tries to pull away, a part of me aches for him. I didn't even know that part of me existed. How did I ever miss a feeling this big?
"I like you," he's whispering as his lips fall back onto mine.
No sweeter words have been spoken, I don't think. I should say them back! I should repeat them to him so that he knows that I like him too! I should let him know that this feels good – that us feels good! I should…
"I love you," I murmur back. "I love you."
What did I just say to him? I can't unsay it but … what did I just say to him?
I said that I love him, I know it did, but I can't believe I've said it. How can I love him when he's only just started snogging me a few moments ago? That's certainly not how love works properly. I thought I loved Gwen, and that was only after we danced around our feelings for a few years. Our relationship was shorter than the building by an embarrassing amount of time.
But my point to myself is that I can't love Merlin already, can I? Sure, we've been friends for years, and we have done everything together since high school, and we've been rooming together for the last four years while I get through college. He's been there for me when Morgana lost her mind and murdered a bunch of people, when my dad eventually died during and experimental drug trial, and when my family name became a bit of a social embarrassment.
Sure, he's always my loudest cheerleader and my strongest support.
But that doesn't mean I love him.
Does it? I don't even realize that I've stopped kissing him back, or that my hands have moved from his back to his chest, holding him just a bit away from me. Everything in me wants to stop and pull him in again, yet I don't move.
"I didn't know I could skip right to 'I love you,' but now that I do," Merlin says in one of those breathy tones that knocks the wind right out of me, "I love you, Arthur Pendragon. Always have, actually."
Hearing this leaves me speechless. Merlin loves me? He's always loved me? I can't possibly deserve this kind of love. We've just been friends. I've only ever seen as friends. He shouldn't be allowed to love me if I've only just realized what Merlin means to me. I should ask him to slow down, to let me prove to him that I'm worth that kind of emotion.
But instead, I push myself right up and pull him back into me. I just need one more kiss before we figure out what this means for us. Our love can take shape…
After one more taste…