Twilight: The Crash - Fire & Blood

by Samantha M. Quinn

Bella Swan decides to move to Forks to make both of her parents happy. There she encounters a strange and beautiful family and a new best friend, Angela Webber. Things start well, until Edward Cullen decides to fight his fate, while Alice tries to keep the future from turning sideways. AU, OC, non-canon pairings.

11. Ch 10: A Hard and Winding Road

Chapter Ten: A Hard and Winding Road

"It's the time of the season, when love runs high. In this time, give it to me easy, and let me try with pleasured hands. To take you in the sun to the promised lands, to show you every one. It's the time of the season for loving."

- Zombies (Time of the Season)

Saturday, April 16, 2005 - Rosalie

"Your arm is barely healed, I'm not sure this is a great idea Bells." Charlie's worry was endearing, but I could see how it made Bella frustrated. She shook her head with a heavy frown, shooting him a glare as she pushed the button for the side door to open on their van. Emmett was waiting by our front door and hopped down to help her out. I walked over as well and leaned over the driver side window to give Charlie a small reprieve from his worry.

"I'll make sure she doesn't overdo it." I gave him a warm smile, and he furrowed his brow slightly before nodding.

"Thanks." He whispered to me, then turned towards Bella. "Have fun sweetie, sorry for being a worrywart."

"I'll baby the arm, and Rose is giving me a ride home tomorrow morning." Bella managed to get out without showing her frustration, and it seemed to work on Charlie.

"Gotcha, I'll see you tomorrow afternoon." Charlie rolled his eyes and waited for Emmett to get her secured in her chair. Then he carefully backed the van out of our driveway, before doing a quick three point turn and was gone around the bend in seconds. Bella shrugged and then began to push her chair across the packed gravel of the driveway.

"So what's the plan?" Bella asked as I stepped up to walk beside her, giving Emmett a look and a bit of a nod signaling him that he should leave us alone. He bobbed his head a few times, gave me his usual goofy grin and took off into the house at a pace that wasn't entirely human.

She stared after him for a few seconds, before looking back up at me. "I have a basic lesson planned to help you understand the essential functions and tools."

"Oh, I thought this would be… Well, I didn't know what this was going to be." She was staring at me with wide eyes, and I hesitated wondering if she was really on board with this lesson.

"We can do something else if you like." I offered, trying to be a gracious host, but I couldn't quite keep the disappointment out of my voice.

"No, I just didn't realize you were serious, you're actually going to teach me about cars." Her look was more curious than anything else, and I realized she must've assumed the car lessons were some kind of excuse to spend time with her. Which they were, but I did want to give her something special that only I could offer.

"I'm always serious about cars. If you think you'll be bored…" I attempted.

She immediately shook her head, interrupting the thought, and gave me a big smile. "Not at all, I think spending the afternoon with you learning about engines sounds delightful."

I found my brow rising at her response, "because of the cars or because of me?"

"More you than the cars, but I'm open to anything." Her expression was open, and her eyes were examining my face trying to gauge my feelings. It was a strange moment for me, I knew how much I had grown to like Bella, but my feelings were unusual. I thought of her as more than just a friend, although those feelings were different and I couldn't put my finger on what they meant. Perhaps it was just a familial connection, which made sense given the very real possibility she would be joining the family soon.

"Good to hear." I smiled at her, and led her into the garage. I had made room so that she would have easy maneuverability, and I could see how much that meant to her as she immediately rolled over towards one of the cars and looked inside the open hood.

"So what's first?" She said with a level of excitement I hadn't expected.

"Well, do you understand the basic concept of an internal combustion engine?" I asked moving to stand beside her, pointing out the engine block.

"Um, not really." She glanced over at me with a small look of embarrassment.

I found myself smiling, "that's perfectly alright. You have no reason to know, until now. The basic idea behind an engine like this is creating and directing multiple combustion events at a specific interval to provide power to transmission and the drive shaft which basically turn the wheels." I moved my finger along the points of the engine as I spoke for reference.

"So it would all come down to pressure and timing.?" She asked as she examined the engine.

"Exactly. Air comes in through here straight into the engine which is why you need…" I started and she shook her head with an exasperated roll of her eyes.

"Air, right combustion. Duh." She let out a short blast of incredulous laughter, directed at herself.

I nodded, ignoring her moment of self-deprecation. "Right, any kind of combustion needs an amount of oxygen to allow for ignition. Of course there has to be the right mix of air, fuel and pressure from the pistons to create the right conditions. Then the spark plugs then ignite to create a little explosion at the top of each cycle. Which is why the engine wall here is so thick, it needs to be able to contain that energy and direct it properly."

"I guess it is a marvel that we don't have engines catching on fire all the time." She said with a level of awe that let me know she was learning respect for the power of the engine. Which was exactly what I wanted to hear.

"There are a lot of redundancies to prevent that, but yes looking at it from just a practical standpoint it seems dangerous as hell." I was leaning forward over the engine, and gave her a look to express how I felt; Which was a mix of joy at the opportunity to teach, and a growing respect and admiration for her.

"So what does oil do?" The question made me laugh, as I nodded with an excitement for teaching I hadn't felt since I walked away from that school thirty years ago.

"Good question." I pulled the dipstick to show her the oil and explained the reasons. She nodded with enthusiasm, and began to ask as many questions as I could answer. It was such a simple thing, and I didn't know if she was actually interested, but her inquisitive nature and desire for knowledge made it a joy to share my passion with her. Before I knew it hours had passed, and we had ended up underneath the car changing the oil. She had no problem getting her hands dirty and giggled when she managed to get the filter loose.

Yet I could tell she was also tired, despite her enthusiasm. A full day of learning had taken a toll on her visibly, I touched her shoulder to get her attention. "We should call this a day."

"Really, I wanted to finish this up." She pouted.

"We can pick this up tomorrow or next week. I promise." I made the offer explicit, and her pout lifted, as she nodded her head with excitement.

"Can't wait." She took a deep breath, and held back a cough before pushing herself out from under the car. I followed and helped her back into her chair.

"I have an apartment upstairs I use for storage mostly, but there is a big bathroom and a kitchen. I could make you some dinner while you clean up." The suggestion was met with a quick nod from her in agreement, but then her brow furrowed and she cocked her head in confusion.

"What about you?" The question took me off guard, I wasn't used to anyone expressing concern about me.

"I'll run over to the main house, give you some privacy." I shrugged, knowing that I barely needed to shower to get rid of the dirt, oil and grease.

"I… um. I didn't think this through." She lowered her head, looking at her hands and soiled clothes.

"How so?" I asked in confusion, which wasn't something I was used to feeling.

"I can't shower, and I usually need some help with bathing." She flashed me an embarrassed look, and suddenly I understood what was wrong. It wasn't just needing help, it was needing my help.

"Oh, well, that isn't a problem. The bathroom actually has a freestanding tub, and plenty of room for your chair. If you need help getting in and out I can help." I suggested, wondering if she would agree.

"You're sure, I mean… okay." She blushed, and looked down again, not quite able to meet my eyes.

"I'm sure." We moved over to the stairs, and she hesitated looking over towards the house which had ramps specifically installed for her use.

"May I?" I stood beside her and motioned with my eyes for permission to pick her up. Her mouth parted slightly, and she gave me a couple of awkward nods. Then I placed a hand behind her back and one under her knees and lifted her easily out of the chair, grunting slightly to show some effort.

She pressed tightly against me, and wrapped her stronger arm around my neck for support. Holding her like that felt odd, like we were sharing something deeply intimate despite it being utterly mundane. She must've been carried by her father in the exact same way so many times, but for some reason I didn't feel that same kind of familial detachment, and yet again I couldn't figure out why.

"Now the fun part." She joked and I let out a soft hum of a laugh in agreement. I wasn't sure exactly how to handle the next part, wondering if it would be easier to just move naturally or pretend it was an effort to climb the stairs holding her. Then I decided to split the difference and just took it step by step, steady and carefully but without pretending. Once we were inside the apartment I set her gently down on the couch and then went back downstairs to retrieve her chair.

She was watching as I came back up, with perhaps too much ease as I set down the admittedly heavy chair as if it weighed nothing. I could tell she wanted to ask me the question about our secret, but shook her head and looked away.

"Let me get the tub filled for you, I'll be right back." I didn't give her a chance to respond as I moved into the bathroom, my nerves were balled up and my hands felt weak despite the fact that nothing like that could affect my kind. "Do you like it hot?" I felt a bit silly asking.

"Yes." She shouted back, so I set it for a nice therapeutic temperature on the high side and let it run, putting in bath salts and scents to make it a more pleasurable experience for her. When it was full I took a deep breath, pushing down my hesitation as simple embarrassment over the situation.

"All ready." I said with a bright smile as I came out, to find her waiting patiently for me. She reached up this time and the trip into the bathroom was quite a bit easier.

"The first time my father had to help me, I thought I was going to die. I was so embarrassed. Are you sure about this? I don't want you to feel like you have to help me." She blushed again, she was so close to me that I could actually see the blood spread across her cheeks.

A memory came to me then, from when I was still human and my mother had broken her leg. It was a trying experience, having to help her with fairly mundane things such as getting around the house and bathing. I loved my mother, but she didn't make it easy, constantly complaining and belittling my help. I couldn't imagine Bella ever being ungracious, which was one of things I loved about her.

"Bella, I'm fine." I tried to reassure her, but she still looked concerned.

"You just had a look, kind of like dad always gets when I need him to do things like this for me." I could only imagine my own father doing that kind of thing for me, but I shook that off.

"Just a memory. My mom broke her leg once, and could barely get around. Dad wouldn't help so it fell to me. I had to help her change and bathe, and after a while it became routine, not that it ever really bothered me. I imagine it is the same for your father, he loves you, and this is just a fact of your condition. This just reminded me a little of that, except… I… You don't have to do this if you're uncomfortable. I can always take you home instead." I realized that it wasn't just me in this situation, she might not want me to see her naked for any number of reasons.

She examined my face for a few seconds before she shook it, "no, it's okay. Just weird. I never thought I would be in this kind of situation with you."

"Hmmm, life is unpredictable." I shrugged, and she smiled at me, clearly nervous. I knelt down in front of her and helped her take off the filthy shirt she was wearing. "I could get you a change of clothes, I should've mentioned this is dirty work." I offered as I held up the shirt which was streaked and heavily stained with black smudges crisscrossing the front and back.

"That would be nice." She said, as she hunched over a bit before I looked back towards her. When I did I tried not to stare, there were surgery scars all over her abdomen and rib cage, mostly white and healed, but a few were still a bit pink. Her bra was front clasping and she looked down with shaking hands to undo it. I felt my breath catch a little as she revealed her modest chest, as she dropped the bra onto the floor. I moved over again, and acted as a support for her to stand, using one hand to loosen her pants, which fell from her with almost no effort. Her legs were extremely thin and slightly twisted, and standing against her back I could see even more scarring just above the line of her underwear, and a few bumps and hard ridges where metal had been placed to hold her spine together.

Her underwear was next, and I did my best not to look before lifting her up and placing her gently in the water.

"Wow this feels nice, what's in here?" She said as she closed her eyes with notable pleasure from the heat of the water.

"Bath salts and some essential oils for your skin, should I stay, are you in any danger?" I explained easily, and she started to nod, but then shook her head.

"I'll be okay" I couldn't be sure of her confidence judging by her voice, but the look she gave me set me at ease.

"Alright, I'll get those clothes." I flashed her a smile, and then made sure the over the tub tray was within her reach with all the soaps she would need. Then I walked out of the bathroom feeling strange and uncomfortable. Not that her nudity bothered me, quite the contrary, I just felt strange around her like that.

I went into the small bedroom I kept here, with an actual bed for appearances. The drawers were full of looser and less stylish clothing I kept for when I worked on the cars. Most of it would fit her, although they might be a bit baggy. I had just picked out a shirt when I heard a small crash and then a clattering noise, followed by another strange squelching sound, that froze my dead heart, as I realized that I should never have left her alone. Forgoing any pretense, I flashed into the bathroom to find Bella was fully submerged underwater, flailing and trying to grab a hold of the edge of the tub with her good arm. I grasped her hand, and gently pulled her out and into my arms, holding her tightly as she gasped and began to cry.

"I'm sorry." I felt my anger rise, she had accepted her fate with such grace and I hated Edward for letting this happen. Then I felt a flash of intense guilt for what I said to Alice about wishing she was dead. "I won't leave you again." It was more than a promise, I felt something shift in my mind and I couldn't place what I felt in that moment. It wasn't entirely worry or anger, it was stronger and deeper. It made me wish I knew myself better, to understand what I was feeling.

"There's a seat in the shower, let's get you cleaned off in there." I suggested, as I picked up her legs and cradled her in my arms again. She couldn't look at me, her eyes fixed on my shirt which was just as filthy as hers had been.

"Your clothes." She mumbled.

"Are just as stained as yours." I sat her down on a wooden bench next to the adjoining walk in closet. "As long as you aren't embarrassed, I need a shower anyway." I knew it should've been a simple thing to offer, but I felt like I was crossing some invisible line. She nodded, "will you be okay there for a minute?" She nodded again, and I grabbed a towel and stepped into the closet, peeling off my clothes and wrapping a towel around me tightly. I went about getting the shower ready, and when it was hot enough I moved over and helped her up, carrying her in without any further hesitation or awkwardness. Once we were inside I tossed the towel out, and helped her onto the seat in the shower.

I could see she was trying not to look at me. While I had never been ashamed of my body despite my upbringing, and I didn't mind the furtive glances she stole, I felt odd about how she looked at me. I washed myself quickly, before helping her. She did most of her own washing, but I helped her with her back and insisted on washing her hair. As I lathered up her long locks, she closed her eyes and a happy grin began to brighten her face. I hadn't seen her with such a genuine expression of joy since that trip to LA, and it made me feel good that I was able to give her a moment of peace.

It took a bit longer than I thought it would, but eventually we were out of the shower and I was helping her get dressed. Neither of us had said anything, but the entire experience was pulling on my heart in ways I hadn't expected. Eventually we went out into the main living space, and I made her dinner. It was a small amount of food, enough that she would enjoy it and be able to finish with her diminished appetite.

She had just taken her last bite when she finally looked up at me, "thank you so much for today. This has been one of the best days, like ever."

"I certainly hope not, but I'm happy you enjoyed yourself. Would you like to come again next weekend?" I said with equal parts incredulousness and happiness.

"Yes." She leaned forward slightly as she said the word, and in her eyes I could see a glimmer of something I couldn't quite place behind her eyes. I smiled demurely, unwilling to accept the feelings I had for her at that moment. I realized right then that I was attracted to her, a deep physical, intimate and romantic attraction to her that I couldn't deny. Yet despite the almost overwhelming thoughts, I knew it had to be a flight of fancy. Dreaming of another life where I wasn't me, and I could choose whatever I wanted.

A second later, I felt myself fall from that lovely image of us together as reality settled back. I gave her a happy smile, and I cleaned dinner up.

"I set up the bed, it should be comfortable. I'll take the couch." I hated to lie, but the idea of not sleeping at all was far too inhuman to admit even relaxing the usual rules with her.

"I don't need you to stay here, go to your own room. I'll be fine." She tried, but I wasn't about to leave her alone all night. I wanted to be there for her.

"Bella, you might need to get up in the middle of the night." I let the concern for her outweigh the desire I had to spend as much time with her as possible. That concern was what came through my voice, instead of the need I was trying to push away.

"Then share the bed with me, I don't toss and turn at all." It sounded innocent, but I could see something in her eyes that mirrored what I was feeling and I wondered if agreeing would be a mistake. Yet I knew nothing would actually happen, partially because I could never betray Emmett, but also because I couldn't be sure of her feelings. Little looks and physical responses weren't enough, and I couldn't destroy what we were building here for a guess of mutual attraction. It was far too big of a risk, and I had no idea what would be to gain with such a potentially dangerous liaison.

"I… Of course." I acquiesced to her simple request, because I couldn't come up with a legitimate reason to say no. Without another word she pushed her chair into the bedroom and I followed her feeling unsure of everything. I pulled back the covers, and hesitated, I hadn't even laid in a bed in almost a century. I helped her get settled and then slipped in next to her, leaving a respectable amount of space between us.

We just laid there, staring at once another, until she finally broke the silence. "Rose, tell me about your life. I know almost nothing about you."

"Alright." I agreed, not entirely sure how to tell my story without revealing that I was a century old vampire. "What would you like to hear, how I grew up or something more specific?"

"Um, do you have a favorite memory?" The question caught me off guard, and made me smile at her. It was such an intimate question, not superficial or trivial, she wanted to know about me.

"I was maybe six, and I can clearly remember my mother was washing dishes, which was weird because we had a housekeeper for that kind of work. She was singing softly to herself while I played on the floor in the adjoining room. I had this doll with a porcelain face, which I still have back at the old estate." I closed my eyes as the memory played behind my eyes, it was the closest I could get to dreaming.

"Old estate?" She asked, and I opened my eyes to look at her before I responded. Her expression was intense and I could see the fasciation and interest in her eyes, the weight of it pressed in on me acutely.

"I own my parents property in New York, maybe we'll go someday, it's lovely there." She simply nodded and then motioned with her chin for me to continue. "The song was simple, but it wasn't that. It was just a beautiful moment in time, her song and my innocent joy playing with my doll and pretending it was a child. I think I used that memory as a temple for all my wants and desires as I grew older. To be a mother, to be happy like she was just washing dishes for my family. Over time that innocence was torn away as I learned that reality was cold and harsh most of the time. Mother wasn't very supportive of me, and while she never said it out loud, I knew she never really wanted me. It was especially obvious with how she treated my brother, as her little angel. So when she died, I didn't go to her funeral. I'd said my goodbyes to her many years before." I hadn't intended to say so much, but the way she was looking at me made my stomach twist into knots.

She reached out and took my hand, "I know what it's like to have a difficult mother. Renée's not good at being a mom, and until she met Phil, I basically ran the house and made sure the bills were sent in time. I took over cooking because she didn't really know how, which is why I became a vegetarian, for her health, not my own. Now she is just driving me insane with her constant passive aggressive comments about moving back to Florida. At least you have Esme? Is she more of a mother to you?"

"Yes, she's the person I think of when I picture the concept of mother. It isn't just her capacity for love, it is how much she shares of herself. All of us are a priority for her, and I know without words that she would die for me. It was humbling when I realized how much she cared, and I never looked back." I felt myself smile almost involuntarily when I spoke of Esme. She was everything I had always wanted my mother to be, she loved me unconditionally and as much as I detested existence as a vampire I felt incredibly lucky to have her.

"Sometimes I feel the same way about her, Esme treats me like one of her own." Bella looked a bit ashamed to admit, but I couldn't deny it was the truth. I knew Esme loved Bella and Angela as daughters, and would always be there for them even if they never became like us.

"Yes, well, she might be projecting a bit." I hedged, knowing that expressing how my mom felt was an unwise choice, given that so much was still hidden from Bella.

"I guess, for Edward?" She said and it made me shake my head without thinking, because I knew that Esme loved Bella for Bella, not as some in-law.

"What do you mean?" I asked, hoping she would clarify what she meant in a different way.

"I mean I'm technically dating him, your family could conceivably become my family at some point in the future, not that I love him or anything, but he seems so sure about me. Sometimes I wonder." I hadn't known she was hesitant about Edward, and I felt like I had to push her to find out more.

"Edward is pretty clear about his feelings, do you feel the same?" I asked, trying to keep my own intense curiosity out of my voice and expression.

"We've only gone on a couple of dates, and so far he hasn't even tried to kiss me. I'm not sure what he's waiting for." She frowned deeply, and I didn't know if that was because of his reluctance to push the boundaries of intimacy with her, or because she wasn't sure of how she felt about him.

"I could try talking to him." I offered, although I had no idea how I would broach that topic with him.

"No, I'm just gonna let it sit. School is almost over and I just want to focus on my life for a while. Edward will be there tomorrow." She said with a strange almost unreadable expression on her face. I couldn't be sure, but for a moment I thought she meant she wasn't good enough for him. But I couldn't dismiss something like that without being sure.

"It doesn't sound like you are happy with him." I guessed, and I couldn't deny the fact I wanted to separate them for a number of reasons. I thought how he sought out her affection was disingenuous at best, and outright malicious at worst. Although I couldn't tell what was going on in his head, their relationship was still deeply problematic until she knew the truth of his actions.

"I… I think I will be, it just hasn't clicked for me quite yet. Maybe when he does finally kiss me I'll feel differently." She had that same expression on her face, and I couldn't stop myself from reaching out to her, stopping myself from touching her cheek and instead pushing some hair from her face.

"Alright, we should get some sleep." I said trying to end the conversation before it went to places I wasn't prepared for.

"No, I'm…" She yawned hard and her eyes drooped a bit forcing her to shake her head to stay awake. "Can you sing?"

"A bit, nothing like Angela though." I smiled feeling a bit bashful, my voice was objectively fine, but I would never be a singer. Angela on the other hand had a voice that came along in a generation, and I couldn't even begin to imagine how it would sound if she were turned.

"Can you sing me the song from that memory?" The request again caught me by surprise and I felt myself give her that same happy smile in return.

"I can try." I said with a small nod, letting out a small amount of air through my parted lips. Then I started, softly and with the melody playing in the background of my mind.

"There's been a sayin' goin' round, and I begin to think it's true. It's awful hard to love someone, when they don't care about you. Once I had a lovin' gal, the sweetest little thing in town. But now she's gone and left me, she done turn me down. Now I ain't got nobody, and nobody cares for me! That's why I'm sad and lonely, won't somebody come and take a chance with me?"

"That sounds like the Van Halen song." She said after I was done, and I chuckled.

"That was a cover, the song has been adopted by a wide number of singers over the years. But this version is quite old, popular in the 1920's, mother was…old fashioned." I hated being vague with her, I wanted to just reveal everything and tell her about my life in detail. It was a weird impulse for me, I hadn't even shared that much with Emmett and we'd been married for over seventy years.

"Rose, do you think those lyrics, never mind." Her expression shifted as she spoke, and then she let her eyes drift closed. "Goodnight." She mumbled as sleep took her, and before long she was completely unconscious.

"Night Bella." I said softly so as to not wake her. I found myself unwilling or unable to leave her side, examining her face in the darkness. It was easy to pass the time watching her sleep, and never once did I think it was strange or awkward. Which upon reflection was perhaps the most damning of all the events of the evening.

"What was wrong with me?" I whispered to myself as dawn began to creep up and brighten the world again, putting an end to one of the best days of my life.

Friday, June 10, 2005 - Sunday, June 12, 2005 - Angela

"Would you sign my yearbook?" Ben asked rather unexpectedly. I nodded, and signed it with the rather generic; "Hope you have a great summer!"

"Do you want me to sign yours?" He asked with a rather pleasant smile.

"No, I didn't get one." I answered truthfully. I had been distant from my school life, immersed in spending time with Bella and the Cullens, and splitting that with my home life babysitting the twins and trying to be social with my parents. My grades had slipped to a C average down from B+, and I had missed one day short of the limit over the last six months. That meant that I was going to get an earful from my father when he found out.

"Oh, well there's always next year. Actually, there's something I wanted to ask you." I looked up at him fully, I had only been half aware of him until he asked.

"Alright." I said with no expression. He seemed to falter for a moment, and then took a deep breath.

"I was wondering if you wanted to, you know, hang out sometime? Like maybe go out over the summer or something." He was kind of cute, and if he had asked me nine months earlier I would've been hyperventilating. In contrast I couldn't conjure up the courtesy to even let him down gracefully.

"No." I immediately turned and headed towards the bathroom, which was where I was headed before he intercepted me in the first place. There were just so many more important things in my life than a boy who couldn't figure out what he liked when it was right in front of him. He wasn't worth my time.

Once I had the door open I caught him ducking away, and I could swear he looked upset. It made me second guess my attitude, and wished I had been a bit more gentle turning him down. Then I turned and came face to face with Jessica. We had been cordial in the hallways, but had mostly avoided each other. This time she actually stopped.

"Angela." She said in a slightly clipped tone of voice.

"Jessica." I replied back with a touch of irritation. I couldn't imagine what she wanted, she had made her feelings perfectly clear last year. Then I had second thoughts and decided to throw out an olive branch. "Congratulations, I heard you graduated early."

"Yeah, and I'm going to Oxford, can you believe that a Forks girl is heading to England?" She sounded like her old self, and I wondered if maybe things had finally resolved between us.

"Not only can I believe it, I'm super happy for you." I was proud of her, finally fulfilling her potential.

"What you did hurt, and for a long time I was angry. I isolated myself and threw everything I had into school work. Looking back, if you hadn't done that, I wouldn't have separated myself from Lauren or fallen in love with Mike." My eyes widened and I felt a little shock, I never expected her to acknowledge that I was just trying to help her back then. But it did bring up another question.

"I thought you guys split up." I asked, hoping it wouldn't upset her.

"Yes, but I fell in love. It sucks because we can't be together right now, but he's my forever love. We'll get together again, I'm sure of it. Anyway, I wanted to say thank you. Maybe we'll run into each other again down the line." She sounded so sure, and I had to admit I was a little jealous of her relationship.

"I guess this is goodbye." I said as I really absorbed the fact that she would be gone next fall.

"Yeah, I actually think I'll miss this place." She looked around the bathroom and chuckled, "Forks, not this ugly bathroom."

"I doubt it, you'll be too busy in your new life, and I hope you have the best life Jessica." I threw as much sincerity as I could into the sentiment and it made her smile brightly at me.

"I'll try to keep in touch, but no promises." She actually pulled me into a hug. It felt nice to have her as a friend again, even if in name only. She was going very far away, and I had no idea if I would ever see her again. Then she pulled away and gave me a small excited giggle as she left. I moved over to the sinks and splashed my face with water, and looked at myself in the mirror. I honestly wasn't sure who I was anymore. I wasn't the girl who was into Ben Chaney and I wasn't Jessica Stanley's best friend. I was Bella Swan's best friend, but what did that even mean? Was I even my own person anymore? I felt like I was losing myself, and it extended to everything.

I spent the rest of the day thinking about it, as the teachers tried to keep us engaged despite the fact we had already finished finals. Then the last bell rang and I was free from school. My junior year was over and I just felt gray. I stood next to Rosalie's red BMW waiting for Edward and Bella who were almost too into each other lately. She still made time for me, but I ended up hanging out with Alice more.

"Happy to be done with the year?" Rosalie said as she sidled up next to me leaning against the wall in front of her car.

"I'm honestly not sure." My voice and expression were open, exposing my inner turmoil.

"What's got you down Angel?" Emmett pulled me into a friendly hug, which only he could pull off and not seem like he was intruding on your space. Which was a bit bizarre given his size.

I lowered my head in thought, but eventually just shook my head. "I'm just down. End of school blues."

"Well you got all summer with us, plus that road trip next month." Emmett's infectious attitude did make me smile up at him.

"Very true, I can't believe we're going to Alaska." I hadn't thought much of the trip, but maybe it was what I needed, to get away for a while.

Bella and Edward showed up a minute later, they headed off in his car to be alone while I got a ride home with Rose and Emmett. As we arrived I noticed my dad's car was in the driveway already, and the mailbox flag was down, which meant he had gotten the mail.

"Crap." I said under my breath. Causing them to look at me with concern.

"What's wrong?" Rose asked, and I just shook my head a little not sure if it was worth answering and making her worry.

"Dad has my grades and attendance record." I answered after a few breaths.

"Are they bad?" The tone in her voice let me know she was worried now, and I felt myself frowning.

"I'm not failing, but he isn't going to be happy."

"You could stay with us tonight? An impromptu year ending party?" Rose's offer was kind and it made me smile at her.

"Nah, I'll need to face the music sooner or later. Might as well get it done. See you guys later." I gave them both a small wave and headed inside.

Yet as I started to walk up the concrete path to my house the door opened up and my father appeared in the doorway. His arms were crossed, and in his right hand was a familiar sized piece of blue and gold colored paper. My report card. I took a deep breath and went inside. Two hours later I managed to escape to my room, and I stayed there throughout Saturday. Sunday morning came too quickly and I was called down for Church.

"We're not going to ground you." Were the first words out of Dad's mouth. "But we will find an appropriate punishment. Maybe that trip you have planned next month."

"That's the only thing I have planned all summer, please don't take it away from me." I begged. He examined me for what felt like minutes before responding.

"Fine, but I want you in the food bank for at least a week." He relented and it made me want to hug him.

"Anything." I said with perhaps a bit too much enthusiasm. In truth I probably would've volunteered at the food bank at some point over the summer anyway.

"And you will bring your grades back up young lady." He demanded.

"I will." I said, nodding emphatically.

"Alright, go get ready." He said somewhat dismissively, but I just lowered my head.

"I'm not going." My voice was small, I hadn't been looking forward to this conversation either.

"Not going? Are you not feeling well?" He suddenly looked concerned.

"I'm not going." I repeated louder this time, hoping he wouldn't force me to reveal why. But I could only avoid this for so long.

"Why, you haven't missed a mass since you were five." The rebuttal was about what I expected, and it made me want to sigh. It was time, I had to tell him what I was feeling.

"I just don't want to go." I said one more time hoping he would drop it.

"Angela, you owe me an explanation." He had crossed his arms and was starting to look angry again.

"I can't because I don't believe anymore!" I almost shouted, and immediately felt bad because I could see a deep shock and hurt in his eyes."

"A crisis of faith is common, you just need time. Come, pray and you will find your way." He sounded so confident, and I wanted to relent and go with him. But I couldn't, because I knew it would be a lie.

"You don't get it, I can't go because I cannot put my faith in a god that would do that to Bella!" This time I was shouting, and I could hear mom coming in from the kitchen.

"Angela." Dad started, but I just shook my head and ran from the house. I was halfway to downtown when I stopped to catch my breath. I fell back against the side of a random house and let myself slide down to the ground.

"You alright there?" The voice was beautiful, and as I looked up I found the man was thrown into deep contrast from the bright sunlight behind him. His skin seemed to almost glow, and his long white hair gave him a bit of a halo from the back light. I squinted but I couldn't make out his features.

"I'll be fine." I responded with a shake of my head. He bobbed his head a couple of times before turning away. I watched him walk away, his black suit common for Sunday in the area, but his long white hair was bound by a leather tie and brushed straight to mid-way down his back was very unusual. I recognized everyone in town, or so I thought, but this was a stranger. A stranger who was kind enough to ask how I was doing.

I got up and slowly walked home, it was empty when I got there but dad had left me a note on the dining room table.

"Angela,

I hadn't realized how much you have been struggling. Know I will support you in whatever you do and whatever you believe. My hope is that you will return to the church someday, but that is your decision. You can always come to me to talk, no matter what.

I love you, and trust that you will pull through whatever it is you are going through.

~ Dad."

I read it a few times, and it did make me feel a bit better. So I went up to my room and began to work on a new song. An hour later when they came home, my dad simply came up to check on me and then left me alone. For the first time in a while, I felt like I was going to be okay. Even though I wasn't sure I would feel the same tomorrow.

Friday, July 8, 2005 - Thursday, July 14, 2005 - Rosalie

Bella looked thin and tired and I was worried that just taking this trip was a mistake. But Alice was insistent and I wasn't about to mess with her prophecy. Edward was impossible before we left for the airport, worried to death that Bella wouldn't make the flight. In my head I kept thinking about how he seemed to see her as a porcelain doll, fragile, yet perfect. I could only see the opposite, an incredibly strong woman with a sharp mind and a kind heart.

"So what's the plan?" Bella asked as we got in the rental car at the Anchorage airport, Alice and Angela taking the back seat without complaint.

"We go up to the house, spend a couple of days there and then head back the long way." Alice answered before I could respond. I had been under the impression we were just picking up the cars right away, and I wasn't alone in that assumption.

"Oh? I thought we would be heading down right away." Angela said, giving Alice a curious look.

"Rose needs time to look over the cars to make sure they are road worthy, we haven't driven them in a couple years." Alice said creating an excuse for us to spend more time with them. In truth I probably didn't need that long to prep the cars, but it was a practical excuse.

"Of course, I didn't even think of that." Bella said with a nod and looked over at me. I gave her a small nod in agreement and a smile. She gave me a look I couldn't read, and after a second smiled back with a small blush. I hadn't thought of that night where she told me I was beautiful in so long, but it made me realize I had never returned the compliment. I had to remember to say something on the trip when we were alone.

"This is your house?" Angela asked, staring up at the lodge we had bought twenty years back when Alice decided she liked to ski. It was nice enough, but hardly my favorite of our properties although I did like the fact it was only fifty miles south of the Denali's home. I almost suggested going up to visit, but how could I explain Bella and Angela? Plus, I couldn't risk their appetite no matter how much I trusted my cousins.

"We have a few properties scattered around the world." I answered, I had dropped all pretense around them regarding certain things, although I never outright betrayed the secret the way Alice, Emmett, Edward and even Esme had been doing for the last year.

"I know it's probably none of my business, but how rich are you guys?" Bella asked in the blunt way I had come to expect from her.

"Honestly I have no idea." I said with a casual shrug. Alice wasn't adding to the conversation, and I really didn't want to elaborate. Thankfully Bella just nodded a few times and didn't press the issue.

Once we were settled I went to the garage and completed the inspections on both cars in about an hour. They needed minor repairs and some system fluid flushing, but ultimately they were in good shape. I went back up and took a shower before heading down to the lounge area where everyone else was gathered.

"So what's the verdict?" Bella asked with excitement.

"We can stay as long as you guys like, but I'll only need tomorrow to get the cars ready." I confirmed as I entered the room.

"What would you like to do?" Alice asked Bella and Angela.

Bella shrugged, "I'm okay to stay a couple of days, this place is kind of amazing."

"How long is the trip back down?" Angela asked, and indirect but pointed question about how long the overall trip would be.

"Depends, generally five days or so, it is about twenty-four hundred miles." I clarified, I had the trip memorized.

"That's far, I gotta look at a map more often." Bella said through a shocked laugh.

"Ironically it would take just about as long to drive to New York from Forks." I added, hoping the tidbit of information would be fun.

"Isn't that a longer distance?" Angela said furrowing her brow.

"Better roads." Alice said with a chuckle.

"Then let's head out the day after tomorrow. My mom is already hiring a babysitter all week." Angela's reasoning sounded valid, but there was something else I couldn't quite place in her tone. Another thing on my list to remember to ask when we were alone.

The rest of the day went well, as Alice and I distracted them with conversation, games and a movie that I wish Alice had reconsidered. Bella helped with one of the cars, changing the oil and filters, but the other one needed a part I didn't have on hand. Thankfully a local garage had just what I was looking for. The owner couldn't quite believe I had any idea what I was looking for and tried to get twice the actual price for the part. I almost paid him what he was asking, but then I saw him checking out my ass and I decided I wasn't going to let him off easy.

"This is not a standard part, you ordered this for someone passing through who ended up not needing it and you weren't able to return it. I'll take it off your hands at ten percent above cost, and that's it." I wasn't playing the dumb blonde routine I usually adopted, instead I was being myself. Something I was starting to grow more comfortable presenting to the world. He scoffed, and immediately shook his head.

"You're killing me blondie." He almost laughed at my offer, but I just leaned in and smiled. Making sure to reveal my teeth just a bit. He flinched slightly, and started to look nervous.

"Nine percent, or I bet it sits on your shelf for another year at least." I kept my voice calm and even, but deadly serious. His mouth dropped open, and he hesitated for a second before nodding.

"Done at that ten percent." I gave him a look, and he frowned. "Fine, nine percent. You need it installed? That car out there doesn't match, do you need a tow for the downed one?"

"I have my own garage, tools and I am perfectly capable of installing it." I said with a bit of irritation.

"No doubt." He grabbed the part and rang me out.

"Well, thank you." He nodded and I left quickly, returning home to find Bella out on the front deck staring out over the countryside. I came up next to her and she glanced up at me before returning her gaze out at the world.

"I thought it would be covered in snow." Bella said after a minute of silence.

"We would be here for a lot longer than a day if it were." I could almost picture the endless expanse of white and the crystal clear sky after a great storm kept us snowed in for a week just after we moved in all those years ago. It was a lovely time, despite how much we never admitted to each other about the problems facing our family. It wasn't just Edward's loneliness, it was Jaspers problem adjusting to our lifestyle. He was so happy in isolation, free to be himself without the daily struggle. It was hardly surprising all those things have risen up over the last year. With Edward diving into this problematic romance with Bella and Jasper leaving without even saying goodbye to the family.

"That wouldn't be so bad." Bella glanced down at her legs and sighed. "It's so peaceful here, it's easy to forget."

"It won't always be like this." I offered but she shook her head.

"I'm resigned to my life now Rose, it's fine. I just get nostalgic sometimes." She gave me a sad smile, and I wanted to just hug her and let her know that things would be changing for her soon. At least if Alice and I had anything to say about it.

"We all do that on occasion." I was surprised by my own tone of voice, I hadn't felt melancholy about my existence for a while.

"What do you get nostalgic for?" The question was valid, and it made me realize I was no longer pining endlessly for my human life. I didn't know how or why that had changed, but it was welcome. Had I finally resigned myself to this existence? I looked down at her again as I thought about my answer and the truth became clear. Bella had changed me, her accident had shown me mortality in a new way. I had been looking back at my human life through rose colored glasses, wishing my monstrous fiancé had been Emmett so we could have children and grow old together. I would either be dead or close to death of old age by now if I hadn't been turned into a vampire, but even looking back at my life before Royce wasn't exactly all peaches and cotillions.

My mother was not an easy woman to know, rich and ambitious, she wanted me to be married off to the best family in town. Royce seemed perfect on paper, and she pushed me into that relationship even though I knew he was wrong. Somehow I convinced myself he was something I wanted, up until he did what he did. Yet even though she was directly responsible for the events leading to the end of my human life, I still missed her the most. My father was so distant most of the time that I could barely consider him an acquaintance, and if it weren't for my vampire mind my memories of him would be completely faded.

"Sometimes I miss my mother, at times when I'm trying to make a hard choice or figure something out, I still feel that first impulse to go to her and ask for her advice. Although now I go to Esme." I couldn't help but sound raw and vulnerable, no matter how much I hated it. Thinking about my human mother conjured up all kinds of things from my life, and made me feel more emotional than I had in a long time.

"I'm sorry about your family." She said sincerely, looking up at me with a sympathetic expression.

"It was a long time ago." I said feeling the weight of that loss again for the first time in a very long time.

"Edward said the same, how long have you been with Carlisle and Esme?" The question was a pointed one, and I wondered how Edward evaded the answer.

"Long enough that I consider them my parents, even more than my birth parents." She nodded once, and I hoped I conveyed how much I did love my family, although I knew my outward mask usually concealed my true feelings. I looked out over the expanse of wilderness and felt a bit of that old wonder, when the world still felt like it held secrets. When I looked back at Bella she was staring down at her hands, her right shaking slightly. She had recovered quite a bit of function but there was some nerve damage that would never recover unless we turned her.

"I've been wanting to apologize for hitting on you, it was... I honestly don't know what that was. I've never even kissed a girl before." She said randomly, and I almost scoffed at the apology, but she was so serious that I knew I had set the record straight.

"Well, you were very tipsy and to be honest I liked the compliment, but please beg my pardon, I failed to reciprocate." I said a bit more formally than usual, but I needed her to understand what I was about to say wasn't a pity compliment.

"Rose, you don't…" She started but I shook my head to interrupt her, I moved around and knelt down to look her directly in the eyes.

"First, understand there is no qualifier to this, it is how I genuinely feel. Quite simply, I find you to be an undeniably beautiful woman. Kind, thoughtful and strong-willed. You deserve more than Edward, and I wish..." I stopped myself from revealing more. "I've idly wondered what my life would be like if I had never meet Emmett, and if we had met each other in that other life I could easily imagine that I would've been very interested in you." The words were out there now, and I could tell she was a bit shocked by the declaration. Yet I hated to lie, and obfuscation was nearly as bad in my book. This dancing around the truth, when we all knew they would both join our family down the road felt a bit pointless.

"I don't know what to stay, but that seems to be my life lately." That took me aback, and made me wonder how chaste her relationship with Edward had been so far; Had he still not even kissed her yet?

"How so?" I asked, not sure what to expect as a response.

"It's the same as it was back in April. Edward's content to be romantic but not intimate. I'm not even sure he finds me physically attractive." She sounded deeply upset, and I frowned as I set to give Edward a piece of my mind when we got back to Forks. Yet I had to say something to help ease her mind in the meantime.

"He's attracted to you, that isn't a question. He is just…" I tried to search for a reason that wouldn't lay the blame on her disability. Unfortunately the only thing I could think of wasn't much better. "... Old fashioned. He won't touch you until you're married." Admittedly it was a guess, but knowing my brother I expected nothing else.

"Married. You've got to be kidding." Her eyes bugged out, and I could tell this was a major problem for her.

"I wish I was. That is part of the reason I don't like you two together. There is something else but it isn't my place to say." I knew I could just tell her, but knew if I tried Alice would come running out to stop me, so I held my tongue. I wasn't sure if explaining what he did would push her away from us, and a part of me rebelled at the idea.

"Yeah, I know he is holding something back. Can you tell me anyway?" Bella gave me a pained look and I shook my head unsure how to respond.

"I wish I could, it kills me to keep it a secret from you. Know that if it was my choice, I wouldn't hide anything from you." She gave me the most intense look I had ever gotten from her, and tears started to form in the corners of her eyes. She opened our mouth to say something, but finally shook her head and looked away from me. I stood and as I walked by I gave her a quick side hug before heading inside. I was a few steps away before I risked looking back, "are you coming in?"

"In a bit." She said distractedly without looking away from the view.

Angela was taking a nap on the large couch in the main living room and I could hear Alice upstairs in her room. I waited in the kitchen, managing to make dinner for the humans. It was modest, we hadn't brought that many supplies, but I knew it tasted good. I had made it a dozen times for my family before I was turned. The evening was quiet, and there wasn't much conversation. Then the next morning we hit the road. The first leg of the trip Bella rode with me. She watched the countryside for close to an hour before saying anything, which was fine because I generally hate small talk, and I was sure after our last exchange she was angry with me.

"Are you happy Rose? I mean with your life, with Emmett? Is there anything you would want to change when you start your life after college?" The question took me by surprise, I hadn't expected anyone to actually ask me how I was feeling. My family generally never bothered to inquire about feelings, because we all came from an age where those kinds of topics were considered taboo to discuss openly.

"That's the question isn't it." I said without revealing anything.

"Edward said you wanted to teach." That caught me by surprise again and I nodded absentmindedly thinking about my time as a teacher. For ten years I taught elementary school and it was wonderful. I was able to share my love for children enmasse, but eventually I turned away from it when I kept having to watch students move on and I never saw them again. It hurt so much that I refused to put myself through that kind of pain anymore.

"Maybe once, not really any more." I said waving off the question, hoping one day I might explain further.

"I've liked our lessons, I know more about cars now than I ever thought possible." I felt my heart almost swell at the compliment, and I smiled graciously at her.

"You're still on 101, wait till you get to the fun stuff." I said playfully, looking forward to spending more time with her. She was a good student, but didn't have a ton of stamina for the larger projects.

"I'm gonna die Rose, before I ever get to the fun stuff." She said darkly, and my head snapped to look at her. I could feel that buoyant sensation she had given me pop, and I tried to think of a way of encouraging her that wasn't a direct lie.

"You don't know that. Doctors are always wrong about things, you might live another fifty years." Yet even that much was an evasion of the truth, Alice had seen her human life end in her twenties no matter how she lived.

"It's hard to eat, everything hurts all the time and I can't deal with my mom anymore. She is pushing at me daily to move to Florida with her. I almost shouted at her last week to go away, but I can't do that to her. Not when I know my time with her is so short." I wasn't sure what to say so I pulled over, then I tentatively reached out and took her hand which she took easily and gripped hit tightly, interlacing her fingers with mine.

"Bella." I turned to her and I felt my heart bleeding for her. She looked tired, so I reached up and brushed some hair from her face and she leaned into my hand. I felt my mouth part in confusion and a little arousal. I hadn't expected to be attracted to her, but I couldn't deny it anymore. I knew I couldn't act on it, I couldn't betray Emmett not without a reason, and I couldn't see how we would work with all the conflicts surrounding us.

"This isn't right, I can't Bella." I said pulling my hand away.

"You're right, I'm dating your brother." She turned away from me and turned to stare out through her side window at a wall of rock towering above the car. She let go of my hand and crossed her arms as tightly over her chest as she was able, and I could see a single tear fall from her left eye.

"I can't cheat on Emmett." I said trying to convince myself that was all I needed to stop. "Let's just get back on the road." I began to shift but suddenly she reached out and put her hand on top of mine to stop me.

"Rose, I know what you are and I don't care. There are reasons why I might be able accept Edward, maybe even love him as a partner, I'll never be in love with him because we're just not right for each other. If I commit to him, marry him, I'll always wonder if it was the right thing to do, when maybe I should've…" She was looking at me with a longing I hadn't felt for Emmett in years. We were on a cold spell, despite our marriage appearing perfect from the outside.

I shook my head. "We can't do this." Then I looked at her again, and I suddenly felt my resolve slipping. I leaned over and rested my forehead against hers, the simple contact felt so good that I let myself move before a conscious thought to act crossed my mind. As our lips touched I felt a sting of warmth from her, and what started as a light kiss quickly changed into something more passionate.

Seconds turned into minutes, and soon our hands moved from behind each other's heads, and began to wander. I moved my fingers along the curve of her back, until I found a lump and a line where she had metal fused to her spine in an attempt to give her back the use of her legs. It was a cold truth, and I hated myself for flinching at the reality of her situation. But I couldn't do this with such a lie between us, when it was our fault she was in such pain. Reluctantly I pulled away, and she actually pouted when I did. I shook my head, feeling a rush of emotions I hadn't expected.

"I shouldn't have done that." I said almost immediately, guilt from a thousand sources weighing on my shoulders. I grimaced and put the car into gear, feeling the old sting of tears without the physical release of them.

"I'm glad you did." She said, sounding disappointed as I peeled out onto the empty highway, pushing through the gears until I could see Alice's yellow Porsche ahead a few miles as we crested over a hill.

After remaining silent for too long I finally looked over. "Are you? If we have an affair, it might end badly with someone hurt." A part of me wanted to give in to the desire I was feeling, a passion for her that I couldn't fully explain or reconcile with my long life.

"That's about all I do anyway, I have no feeling below my belly button." She said sadly, and I wanted to reach out and turn her right then and there. Maybe run off and start a life together in some far off country. Yet it was just a fanciful dream, and I couldn't abandon my family and my husband on a whim.

"Maybe you should ride with Alice tomorrow." I said, shaking my head at the possibility of running away with her.

"I'd rather not, I love Alice but I want to spend more time with you. Couldn't we steal this time, this trip?" She reached out to me, and pushed my hair from my face so she could see me clearly.

"Do you mean…" I asked, not sure of her intent, risking another glance over towards her.

"I want you, if you'll have me." Her simple declaration made me want to give in.

"What about Edward, what about Emmett?" I whispered, catching my reflection in the window and seeing my eyes revealed my own longing. I was feeling the same hunger she was showing me. I shut my eyes tightly for a fleeting second to try and drown out the desire and the pain it conjured. I could feel my resolve slipping, and it would be so very easy give in to her, but it very well might destroy everything I loved.

"Just for this trip." She repeated, almost pleading with me to give in to our mutual passion.

"What if Alice or Angela figure it out?" I pondered how we could hide this from Alice. Then I shook my head violently, "God what am I saying? We can't do this Bella!"

"Why not?" She asked plainly, forcing me to come up with a reason.

"I love Emmett, and I will not betray him." I shifted the into the final gear, speeding up even more than before and quickly caught up with Alice who had been a few car lengths ahead of us before we stopped.

"I won't ever mention it again." She said in clear disappointment, but her resignation hurt as much as if I had given in and hurt Emmett. I didn't know what I felt for her anymore, I was so confused.

"I'm sorry Bella." I said, risking a look at her to gauge her mood.

"No, I'm sorry for pushing." She had relaxed her arms, and was looking away from me again. "I'll ride with Alice tomorrow."

The rest of the day's drive was silent, with neither of us willing to look at each other. I would've just kept driving, but I could tell she was drained from the day, so I texted Alice to stop at the next town. It was this tiny place in the middle of nowhere with fuel and a rundown motel, but at least there were two room available. Bella and Angela took one together, and I roomed with Alice. It was harder than I imagined dropping the key into Bella's hand, the look she gave me was so cold and distant. I could only imagine what she was feeling, and I couldn't really justify my reasons for rejecting her beyond my vows. It was enough, but it hurt nonetheless. When I got into my room I expected Alice to confront me, but she seemed oblivious to my indiscretion, or she was hiding any knowledge of it. I wanted to talk to her, but I couldn't figure out how I felt so I just stewed on it as I sat in that tiny room staring out at the wilderness across the highway for hours.

Angela was my companion for the two days of the trip, and it was difficult to figure out what was wrong with her. She was so different from the girl who let her friends walk all over, she was sullen and angry and more than a little bitter about life. Yet there were moments of sweetness that let me know she hadn't fully lost herself. Unfortunately our conversations were light, and I couldn't really find a way to engage with her. Bella was still distant cold to me the following day and never once tried to spark up a conversation. I was worried I might have lost her entirely, but I couldn't think of a way to rectify the situation.

On the final day of the trip Bella came to me as we were getting ready. "I want to go with you today." I nodded and she actually gave me a small smile. Once we were on our way she turned to me and I could see something had changed in her attitude towards me.

"I talked to Angela last night." I gave her a worried look, but she just shook her head. "I didn't tell her about us, just that I was having issues with Edward, and she made me realize something." She stopped for a second as though she wasn't sure how to phrase what she wanted to say next. "I like you Rose, but you're right, we start something now, and it's cheating. If you end things with Emmett and decide you want me, I'll be here waiting. I think, no, I know I'm going to break up with Edward soon, just know you will always have a place in my heart."

"Bella…" I started to respond but she shook her head.

"Please let me finish." She begged, and I nodded easily. "I don't want to lose you as a friend, so do you think we can be that if we can't be the other?"

I thought about it for a few seconds, which for me felt like an eternity. "You do mean more to me than I ever expected, so I think friend is a poor word to describe what we will be to each other. However I am more than amiable to figure that out over time."

"That works for me." She said somewhat happily, and she reached over and turned up the music we had playing in the background.

"Break the silence, damn the dark, damn the light! And if you don't love now, you will never love me again…"

"That was a bit on the nose." I said with a giggle, but we both started singing along anyway.

Thursday, September 1, 2005 - Bella

It was the second week of my last year at school, and I knew this was it for me. No college, no future. I had a year left to pretend I was still looking towards a long life and bright future. While Angela and I were in parallel scheduling blocks, I barely had classes with any of the Cullens.

I had wanted to keep my word to Rose, but things had been weird for me and all of them for a month since the trip from Alaska. I couldn't keep that stolen kiss with Rosalie out of my mind. And I didn't know how to act around her. Worse still was that I hadn't worked up the courage to officially break up with Edward. We had even gone out a few times since then, but it was the same routine, only cementing further how much I wanted to distance myself from him.

"You're coming over this afternoon." Alice said as she stepped up next to me as I navigated the halls without Edward following me around for once.

"I don't think so Alice." I replied, feeling a bit depressed about the distance I was feeling from her.

"Just me and Angela, I promise. Rose said she was busy and the boys are going into the city with my parents." Her clarification helped, I didn't want to be in the same room as Rose and Edward together, I might die of shame.

"Alright, that doesn't sound bad." I said, attempting a nod and smile, I could tell it came off badly.

"Cool, I'll pick you guys up after classes." She started to turn away, but I touched her sleeve, getting her to stop.

"Um, I think Angela should take her car, that way you don't have to drive us home." I suggested, because Alice was one of the most reckless drivers I had ever seen. Rose was fast, but she had such control behind the wheel. Alice almost seemed like she wasn't even looking at the road half the time.

"See you then!" I could tell she was forcing brightness and I almost asked what was wrong, but shook off the impulse internally. I wasn't sure any of them would be in my life for much longer. That's when it hit me, why it had been so hard to break up with Edward, I didn't want to say goodbye to everyone else.

I was in a fog all day because of the revelation, and I couldn't wrap my head around the idea that I was going to have to say goodbye to everyone. I brushed off Angela and Alice to go home instead of up to the Cullens that afternoon, deciding to mope and dwell, both were too gracious to try and force me to go, even though I knew they wanted me there more than anything. Then I noticed something in Alice's eyes as they got in her car to leave, it was small but it left me feeling weird as dad drove me home.

We were home for maybe five minutes before Dad had to rush off for a police need as soon as I was settled in the house. I moved over to the lights and turned them off, taking my place in the living room and moving over to the couch to lay down and close my eyes. My dreams had been strange for months as the truth about my reality came crashing down around me. Even if it were true and the Cullens were vampires, they were never going to turn me into one of them, not after I left Edward and forced Rosalie to cheat on her husband.

I picked up the phone to dial Vito's when I thought I heard a car door close outside. I wasn't sure I wanted company, especially not my friends. I couldn't face Alice, not when I knew I would have to say goodbye to her soon. Or maybe she wouldn't care and remain my friend, it was a nice thought which I kept in mind as I struggled over to my chair grunting, and after getting secured I moved towards the door. It was only a few seconds later when the doorbell rang. I wasn't sure exactly who to expect, but I never would've guessed who was standing on the other side.

Thursday, September 1, 2005 - Carlisle

I had done everything I could think of, every type of intervention, every type of surgery. Nothing was going to prolong Bella's life beyond a decade. The family had all taken action around me, and I wasn't sure if they knew I was aware of it, or were just pretending to give me a choice. In actuality I was acutely aware of what was to come, I had overheard a snippet of a conversation between Alice and Rosalie, and the dark fate that lay in store for Bella and to an extent Angela.

It left me with a tough decision and a risky game to play. I had to orchestrate Bella's death, and given her situation it wouldn't be as simple as just having her disappear. The level of exposure was also a risk, Bella in the throes of newborn thirst would be problematic even with our house so remote from Forks. Yet there was no longer another option, save for her consent.

As I felt my mind begin to settle on the answer I had been struggling with for almost a year when a soft knock came from my office door. "Come in Alice." I said somberly, I knew this was an inevitable conversation. She opened the door directly and folded herself onto one of the chairs opposite my desk. "I assume this is about my decision." She nodded once.

"Everything just fell into place a few minutes ago. I knew it was coming, but I wasn't sure which way you would land." She wasn't really looking up, her body language was clear. She was in a bad place. Considering the year she had just gone through, I could totally understand. If it had just been Bella's accident, or Jasper leaving, or the chaotic visions she had been subjected to on a daily basis, but all three happening at once? It was too much for anyone, even Alice.

"What did you see?" I asked, feeling my curiosity peaked.

"You know it goes kind of perfect, at least as far as I can see." She said without elaboration, and it made me frown.

"What does that mean?" I wasn't just curious, I was painfully aware that this future I was about to set us on was a massive question mark.

"It means that I can only see up to the night Bella wakes up. We get a strange visitor, and then nothing." She was shaking her head, clearly she had been hoping for more.

"Can you see who it is?" A stranger sounded like an interesting curiosity, and I wondered if it could be one of us.

"I can hear a knock on our door that evening, and after that our future disappears. What's bothering me is I know it isn't the usual, like an undecided choice or if I had died or something. This is totally different, the future is just blank. It's as if this stranger will be so important that they are intrinsically tied to our future, and they can somehow blind my gift." I felt my eyebrow raise both in curiosity and concern.

"So should I go the other way?" I felt myself second guessing my decision.

"No, Bella's fading quickly. Faster than any of us expected. I don't entirely know why, but the vision keeps changing, her life shortening almost every day now." That news was distressing, but it convinced me it was time. Still, I had to know if there was something that could be done about it.

"What changed?" I asked, hoping for some clue as to why Bella was apparently destined to be like us no matter what.

"I've been mulling that over, and the only conclusion I've come up with is that it is a culmination of a bunch of smaller things; like her relationship with Edward being so caste, and our trip up to Alaska. Starting school again. Angela's anger and loss of faith. Charlie's depression. Renee's insistence that she move Bella to Florida. Plus our less than great approach to telling her our secret. She has pressure coming from a hundred different directions, and I think it is just weighing on her too much." The explanation made sense, and it also meant there was nothing we could do except completely extricate ourselves from her life. Even then, it might only give her a few more years. No, there was only one solution now.

"This is going to devastate Charlie and Angela, and I have no idea how Renee will handle it." I felt intensely guilty and selfish to claim another child when she still had so many that loved her.

"We have to tell Angela." She said almost as a demand. I started to scoff at such a thing, but she shook her head interrupting anything I might say. "I know it goes against everything, but while it sounds like the worst choice possible idea in most circumstances, Angela is a massive part of this, and just cutting her off will end in terrible heartache and death."

"How so?" I asked, how could one mortal cause so much strife. Of course I had wondered the same thing when Bella was hurt and our future's were thrown into such chaos.

"Angela dies, and so does Charlie, Renee and one of the wolves down in La Push, although that one I have absolutely no context. It is the same as if Edward just changes Bella. There is a path forward, even though I barely understand it. But a part of it is bringing her in on the secret. You have to tell her the day Bella 'dies'." Her explanation wasn't enough, but I nodded anyway.

"I hate this, we bring Angela into our world and that almost certainly dooms her to our life." I felt a deep anger over the seeming lack of choice, and it made me wonder why things were like this. Unfortunately the answer was simple, Edward had made a massive mistake.

"I hate this too, I don't see another way. I believe it will be better for both of them, and I'm pretty sure they both know what we are anyway. Or at least they have figured something out, but may not fully understand it." She seemed resigned to this path, and at least we had prepared the two of them for the rather bizarre truth of our existence.

"I need some more time to think and plan, I should probably figure it out on my own so I grasp the full specifics." I said with a heavy sigh.

"Yup, I knew you were gonna say that." She smirked, and got up and began to leave.

"Ha ha. Alice, why am I so torn about this choice?" This stopped her halfway to the door and she looked back with a small shrug.

"Because it is contrary to your nature, you need to heal. In a way this course of action admits failure in your abilities." She made it sound like I wanted to play god.

"I didn't think of myself as that arrogant." The worry in my voice was real, and she just laughed it off.

"It comes with the job, and you have to play god on two levels." She bit her lower lip and shrugged sheepishly.

"I'm so sorry this all falls on you, I wish there were another way." It was a long overdue apology, we had depended on her visions far more than necessary, and it bothered me no matter how willing she was to share her gift with us.

"No you don't, because if I weren't here we would've left them to die. They are my sisters, and I cannot let that happen." Her declaration was a bit unexpected, but at the same time I knew exactly how she felt. Bella and Angela felt like the rest of my family, and it occurred to me then that I loved them as much as my other adopted children.

"I didn't know you felt that way." I gave her a sympathetic smile.

"I haven't said it out loud until now, but they are family." She nodded to emphasize her statement, giving it a feeling of absolute certainty.

"I guess I have a call to make." I said and she spun around happily and left me to my thoughts.

I sat in my office alone for close to an hour before picking up the phone, but after a few seconds I realized it was a mistake to call. I had to do this in person. So I made my way out of the hospital and drove to her house to maintain appearances. I took a sigh of relief to see that Charlie's patrol car wasn't there, which meant Bella was home alone. I knocked twice, and she made a vague grumbling response before the door opened awkwardly.

"Bella." I gave her a pleasant smile, and she responded in kind.

"Doctor Cullen, come in." She moved out of the way and I crossed the threshold feeling a wave of responsibility. I was about to change her life, and I honestly wasn't sure how I was going to say it. "Would you like something to drink?" She offered before I could say anything else.

"No, I'm good. Let's sit, I need to discuss something with you." I let my emotions show, rather than keeping things professional and detached. She nodded with a small flash of a smile and I moved over to the couch. She took a spot that she clearly used frequently based on the tire marks on the hardwood.

"I have struggled with your situation for almost a year now." I began, and she started to respond but I shook my head. "Please, let me get this out." She nodded, and sat back. "As I was saying, I have struggled with your situation for a year, and I find myself at a crossroads. There is no question that you have become a part of our lives. Esme loves you as a daughter, and to be honest so do I. Rose, Emmett and Alice all think of you as another member of the family. And Edward, well I will let him expound on his feelings."

"Right, I feel the same. So does Angela." I lowered my eyes for a split second, my concern about Angela's involvement confirmed. Although it was clear Angela was as important to us as Bella had become.

"My family is not exactly… normal. Which leaves us in an odd position to offer you restoration." I knew I was dancing around things, but I didn't want to just bluntly come out with a fact as weird and reality shattering as declaring myself and my family vampires.

"Restoration, you mean my legs?" She asked with wide eyes, but an almost knowing smile.

"Yes. Not only that, but you would no longer be in pain, and you would live an exceedingly long time." As I elaborated I could see her react as though I were only confirming a truth she already knew. She nodded softly, and let loose a soft blast of a chuckle.

"You are a vampire." The word rolled off her tongue and hearing it made me feel almost silly.

"Ahem, yes. That would be an appropriate term for my species. Although we differ somewhat from popular fiction." She listened without any outward shock, and her next question was almost too rational.

"So you're good vampires?" The question was hopeful, and I nodded confirmation although I did furrow my brow as I realized I had to correct that to a degree.

"That is subjective, but we strive to maintain our humanity. We have vowed to never hurt a human, and actively pursue a life of restraint, we call ourselves vegetarians because we only feed from animals." I paused as she actually laughed at the idea.

"There's irony, I used to be a vegetarian." She said with a bit of a laugh.

"I thought you might find that funny, but there would be a catch to this transformation." I wasn't sure she would understand, but I had to make it clear that by becoming like us she would be abandoning her human life.

"I would have to be dead in the eyes of the public." She said unexpectedly, making the deduction far faster than I would've thought possible. Which likely meant she had given this possibility some thought already.

"Yes." I answered simply.

"What about Angela?" She said almost pleadingly, and then quickly shook her head. "No, she shouldn't be a part of this. Her life has been screwed up by me too much already."

"Alice thought you would say as much, and I personally agree with you. However, Alice has made it clear to me that she is going to bring her into this world, and there is nothing I can do to stop her. Not that I would try, we care about Angela as much as we care about you." She took a deep breath and as she blew it out through her mouth I could see the emotion in her as her mouth quivered.

"Aren't you her father?" She didn't sound incredulous, more like she was searching for an answer.

"Alice is over a hundred years old, and can see the future. If I made an attempt to block her, she would just move around me." It sounded bad, but I pretty sure she would understand what I meant.

"We knew it!" Bella gave me a big satisfied grin.

"Yes, they have been dropping hints for a while, when it was clear you would be a part of our lives. Alice realized early on that you and Angela were tied together as well, and has been including her for quite some time." As I explained I could see her shaking her head, and I realized that Bella would never have included Angela, in an attempt to protect her.

"I don't like it." She said with a deep frown.

"Neither do I, but you must admit it will be better to have her in our lives." I admitted, and she reluctantly nodded.

"I would miss her terribly, but it is so selfish to force this choice on her." Her sentiments mirrored my own and I found myself nodding in agreement.

"Yet I don't see another way." I said wistfully, and she sighed in resignation.

"Alright, so how does this work?"

"I will have a mock surgery for you, where I will be actually removing the metal from your body and then turning you. I must warn you the transformation is an agonizing experience that lasts days." She just gave me a look of incredulity.

"So what's new?" Her shrug made me feel responsible, I hadn't been able to fix her well enough to remove the pain she was constantly enduring. In a way this was my final chance to give her a life, much like all the others I had turned.

"Right, well I can attest to the pain, and it is considerable." My memories of the transition were distant, but still sharp. That crucible was like a signpost in our memories marking the beginning of our lives in almost every meaningful way.

"Why remove the plates and stuff?"

"You won't need them anymore, and it will actually cause you more discomfort during the process when your body rejects the foreign objects." I thought back to Garrett's story of his transformation, and I never would want to subject Bella to that kind of horror.

"So what happens after that?" I liked her curiosity, and hoped that would translate when she became immortal.

"Once my venom enters your heart you will fall into what looks like death. To an outside observer you will be motionless and cool to the touch, without noticeable chest movements or a heartbeat. This lasts for close to two days as your heart pushes the venom slowly throughout your body at a rate of one beat per minute. That should give us enough time to have whatever funeral arrangements Charlie and Renee wish to organize. Then we will steal you away, I have contacts at the local funeral home that will look the other way when we take you. They will substitute ashes or an empty casket depending on how you are to be buried and you will be at our house as you finish your transition." It was a simple plan, but should work. The trickiest part would be if her parents wanted to do a viewing, if that happened I wasn't sure she would be the stable part of her transition. If she awoke in that coffin screaming in agony the news would quickly get to the Volturi and we would all be in great danger.

"Sounds simple." She didn't see the dangers, and I wasn't sure I wanted to explain but I couldn't leave her in the dark about the dangers of this course of action.

"Perhaps. There are a couple potential obstacles." I said, pursing my lips slightly.

"Which are?" She looked a little worried.

"There is an off chance your transition may be of shorter duration, if any doctor or mortuary attendant realizes you are alive, the ruse will fail. Secondly, is Edward. I honestly have no idea how he is going to handle this, he has been a bit resistant to your transformation and he may try to intervene." Even my bribe wouldn't be enough if she started to move at the funeral home.

"I swear, how old is he because he is awfully old fashioned." She was frowning, and I wondered if their relationship would survive the truth of his actions. I wanted to tell her, but felt it was his place to tell her that truth.

"I found him dying in 1918 when he was but seventeen years old." I said as neutrally as possible to give the fact a bit more weight.

"This is insane. If it were coming from anyone else, I wouldn't believe it." She gave a quick gentle shake of her head.

"Which I suppose is why it had to be me. Our next step is simple: I will contact your parents and arrange for a surgery, pro bono of course, to hopefully restore some function to your legs. That is if you say yes, this is your choice."

"Answer me one thing, does Alice see my father recovering?" She was pinning her hopes on a future where her family could move on.

"She hasn't said, but this will be easier on him in the long run than watching you wither away." It wasn't a lie, but it could be considered manipulation. Knowing Charlie Swan he would never get over her death, but perhaps the shock of that loss might push him into finding some kind of happiness.

"I hope you're right. Alright, my answer is yes." She was resolute, and I nodded in acceptance.

---

Author's Note:

This was recently edited with a shift of content and a new scene addition. This is to accommodate the changes to the main couple shift from Bella/Edward to Rosalie/Bella.

The songs in the two Rosalie sections were "I Ain't Got Nobody." by Marion Harris and "The Chain" by Fleetwood Mac.

Next Up: No Secrets Withheld - Angela

Thank you for reading!