Chapter Thirty-Two: Learning to Lie
Monday, September 19, 2005 - Angela
A loud burst of laughter from Joshua woke me up, as little Isaac screamed about his breakfast a second later. I was curled into a small ball, my back and shoulders throbbing due to hours of stress and strain, and being dragged around like a ragdoll. I felt myself start to cry before I even opened my eyes, when a gentle hand rested on my unhurt shoulder. I flinched at the contact, and then melted. He was already there for me, watching over me as I slept. I brought my hand up and covered his, and gripped it hard.
"Nightmares are nothing but lingering shadows spun from gossamer, you'll wave them away as soon as you let your eyes open." Mason whispered to me, his voice soothing.
"I saw a castle, covered in blood. You were sitting on a throne of bodies, a dark woman ruling next to you. I was just some peasant woman, brought before you to die. You didn't even ask me a question before announcing my execution." I had to get my dream out, it spoke to the fears I held inside. He started to reply but I shook my head. "Some faceless executioner took me towards the gallows in the throne room, and just as he was ready to kill me things shifted, and I was standing next to you and the dark woman was in my place beneath the executioner. I called for her death with pleasure… I killed for pleasure. Will that be me?" I could hear my own fragility and my voice cracked as I spoke. I knew I was terrified, but I hadn't realized to what degree.
He ran a hand down my hair, and rested it on my shoulder. "I don't believe so. Most transitions are brutal, the fires wash away the person they were without their human support system to reinforce their old personality. Their sire usually teaches them to feed, and after that first kill it is hard to hold onto humanity. Bella had a very different experience, coupled with her gift and she is remarkably well controlled. I can assume your experience will be more common, but we can help you resist your more violent impulses. Do you believe Bella has changed into a monster?" He spoke easily, and the rational argument felt comforting.
"She seems like Bella, maybe a little more aggressive and confident. Human Bella would never have rejected Edward like that, no matter what he had done. Although her connection to Rose makes sense, they fit together." I mused, curious about how different it would feel to be a vampire like her. While still reeling from the nightmare that felt as real as his hand, a hand that I was confident would never fly towards me in rage, his presence was soothing and provided a real anchor for my swirling emotions.
Was it normal to have warm feelings for a mass murderer? I had struggled for nearly two days, trying to put Mason's past into perspective. There was no denying my feelings for him, no matter how new, I couldn't deny how strong our connection was. Everything he appeared to be, although in contradiction with his origins, was exactly the type of person I had always dreamed of meeting.
I didn't care that he had enough baggage to fill the Titanic. Yet there was a part of me, and I didn't know how large that part was, that couldn't shut out an odd sinking feeling in my heart. It was a warning that there was a chance he wasn't the person that he was saying he was. Although, every time I put thought into it, his actions proved to me that he wasn't being deceitful. He shared his past willingly, to everyone. It had taken me several hours to realize the root of the problem, me.
How could this god of a man be interested in me? He had shrugged off his own nature to protect people that were, by his own instinct, food. He had been with women that he described as intelligent, powerful, and beautiful. No matter his insistence to the country, I knew I wasn't anything more than normal, perhaps a little above average looking. The sad truth was that had I not been close to Bella, I wouldn't even know about their world. I wondered idly what things would've been like if Edward had saved her that day.
Playing out that possible series of events in my mind's eye, painted a vastly different picture then the one surrounding me. It was likely that I might never have been an important part of Bella's life as she fell for Edward and became a part of his world. Would James and Victoria have hunted her? Would they have gotten to Charlie? Would Mason have had the courage to seek out the Cullen's? It was a fascinating thought experiment, but honestly only a distraction from my own chaotic life. It hurt to think of an alternate future, where I wasn't Bella's best friend. The fact that I couldn't help her now in her hour of need, made it feel worse, as once yet again I had to wait for news of a newborn vampire.
I felt like screaming, but I couldn't let my family know anything about my new life. It was clear to me that I would have to leave them in days, maybe hours. Before all this… drama, I had measured my future in decades, an indeterminate road ahead of me with vague concepts of college, career and maybe a family of my own. Watching my brothers grow, watching my parents grow old and enjoy retirement. Weeping at their funerals. Soon I wouldn't even be able to cry, or dream, or even eat. Soon, I would crave blood.
It was enough to make me feel like my sanity was slipping away.
Then he started to sing, softly enough that only I could hear, but clearly. The words were foreign and sounded ancient. Magical lyrics bending my ear to a history long forgotten. The melody was haunting, but somehow comforting and I felt as if he were wrapping me in a warm blanket made entirely of his voice. I drifted away again, a sleep that easily shifted into peaceful dreams. I was vaguely aware he was still nearby, but I felt safe for the first time in days. The nightmare didn't return, but before I knew it my alarm was going off.
"I don't want to go to school." I said flipping over onto my back. Mason was no longer in my room, and I felt a touch of panic wondering where he had gone.
"Angela, breakfast is ready!" Mom shouted at me from downstairs, which was unusual for her. Of course, I had been overly punctual most of my life, which had changed dramatically since Bella's 'death'.
"I'll be down in five minutes." I shouted back, sighing deeply. I stared at my ceiling for as long as I dared, and then forced myself out of bed. I glanced out of my window and wondered if he could see me and thought idly about changing in front of him. Would the sight of me naked be tempting for him? I shook away that impulse and took my clothes into the bathroom. The shower proved too tempting, and I cleaned off as quickly as I could, before throwing on clothes, grabbing my bag and running downstairs. My mom was frowning at me already, it had taken ten minutes too long.
"You're going to be late." She said in frustration.
"Sorry mom." I said trying to sound apologetic, but I wasn't sure I came across as sincere.
"Tonight, we need to sit down with you and have a discussion about your recent behavior." She said, still frowning deeply at me.
"Okay, I'll be here." I nodded, piled my breakfast onto a couple pieces of toast, and went out to my car. The Toyota had barely been used in days, and it felt weird getting behind the wheel. I got a block down and found Mason standing on the sidewalk as if waiting for me. I stopped and unlocked the doors, he slipped into the passenger seat with barely a sound except for the door opening and closing.
"Thank you for this morning, whatever that song was, I loved it." I said pulling away and heading into Forks towards school
"It was a song of my people; I am the only one in the world who knows its melody. Perhaps one of the few that know the language of its lyrics. It pains me to know how much of a living monument I am to the past. How many things I have seen washed away by time or war. I'm glad you have heard it; I feel like singing it to you has unburdened my soul by just a little." He was looking down at his hands, and I could see how the weight of time had pressed down on him.
"You can share any of your past with me. I have no problem shouldering some of your burdens." My breath caught as I said it, dumbfounded at the arrogance of offering to carry some of the burdens of an immortal so old that he predated recorded history. Yet, the look he gave me was one of gratitude.
"How can you be?" He asked, the question confusing me.
"Mom fell in love with dad during one of his very first sermons and decided that he was going to be the father of her children." I said, trying to avoid talking about the thing we both knew but I couldn't quite admit out loud..
"No, well, yes… I mean how can you exist now. Why did fate wait so long? I don't understand." I turned towards him, as I realized he was implying I was his soulmate, and it almost made me run a red light.
"Can I ask you a question? A personal one?" I asked, and he nodded immediately. "From your story, I gathered that you never loved Rachel or Celesta or even Katherine. Am I right?"
"I suppose I loved them in a way, although each was different. In retrospect, I cannot describe even what I felt for Katherine as romantic love." He said with an introspective tone of voice, almost smiling at some recollection of a distant memory.
I took a deep breath, trying to focus on the road, "how could you know? I mean if you've never felt romantic love, how can you tell the difference?" I asked the question, and he looked at me with an intense expression that I caught out of the corner of my eye.
"Tonight, can we go on that date?" He asked out of nowhere, instantly changing the subject.
"I would love… shit. My parents want to talk tonight about my 'behavior'. They both get home around four, so maybe later?" I said a bit sheepishly, but he just smiled.
"Perfect. I'll pick you up around six o'clock?" He said with an even brighter smile. I nodded, and then he was gone. I had to blink and almost ran into someone as I made the final turn into the school parking lot.
Nothing seemed weird at first, but as soon as I got out, I could hear the whispers. No one was looking at me of course, I had been a school pariah since before Bella 'died'. This was different, and after overhearing some whispers spoken a bit too loudly I realized they were talking about Chief Swan. It was the fourth day of his disappearance and the community had come out in force to expand the search for him. Early Saturday morning, his squad car was found abandoned near the entrance of one of the most difficult hiking trails, the kind that had a warning of dangers ahead. I knew the truth, but it wasn't like I could tell anyone. So I kept my head down as I made my way to class.
I quickly found out that knowing the truth about Charlie's disappearance was harder than I could've imagined, because he was the topic of discussion all day. During each of my morning classes the teachers brought up the search and asked us to relay a request for volunteers to search for him. As I made my way to lunch, I realized my parents would want to be out there too, meaning my date with Mason would have to be postponed. I was grumpy as I sat down to a very distracted looking Alice who wasn't even trying to appear as if she were eating the lunch sitting in front of her.
"Alice?" She turned to look at me as if she were startled by my presence.
"Angela. I thought…" She looked sad and shook her head. Then she started to stand, grabbing her tray.
"Alice, I'm not angry with you." She stopped and looked at me strangely.
"You should be. I didn't see, and you got hurt." She motioned towards the bandage on my temple.
"You know this doesn't matter?" I said motioning towards my head. "I'm here, you're here. We have so much more to worry about than blame." I tried to explain, but she shook her head.
"All these whispers, they are worried about a man who will outlive all of them. Which is my fault. If I hadn't gone there that night none of this would've happened. I didn't even know about you until after, instead I was busy getting Bella's father killed." Alice started speaking a little too loudly, and drew the attention of a couple people nearby.
"Alice, they'll hear." I warned, but she stood and shook her head with a manic desperation waving her hands around the room.
"That's right, it is all my fault. I got Charlie killed. I got Bella killed. I'm responsible for all of this mess!" She closed her eyes and gritted her teeth, and the room flinched. Then she ran, just a touch too quickly out through the inner doors and into the primary hallway. Almost everyone stared at me for a few seconds before launching into conversations with each other. I got up and bussed her tray, and then followed her. I found her where she always went to think, where most students would never think to look, the roof.
"That was stupid." I said as I closed the door to the roof, giving us a modicum of privacy.
"I don't care. None of this matters, we'll be at a new school in a couple of years anyway. No one at this school is going to think we are anything other than drama queens." Alice shook her head and got up to look out over the forest near the edge of the school's rear property line.
"You don't believe that. Alice, I know you're hurting, but none of this is your fault. It's Tyler's fault for driving too fast. Edward's for failing to recognize his own feelings, and mine for refusing to admit the truth about the V word. There is a long line of people ahead of you if you're starting to play the blame game. Charlie got bit; you know what, you fought to keep him alive for Bella. Sure, you might have made a mistake going there, but do you know what that proves? That you give shit. That you care about him, and Bella, and me and our family. You care so goddamn much that you're practically catatonic with guilt. I'm about to die soon, well sorta, and I have to somehow figure out how to say goodbye to my family. My best friend is watching her father suffer, and you're what? Moping? I'm sorry Alice, but I don't get it." I let out more than I intended, and Alice turned to me coldly meeting my eyes with a tortured expression.
"Charlie's awake, he's dealing. Bella and Rose had sex for hours yesterday, which was sweet, but loud. Edward and Emmett are somewhere in freaking Mexico trailing after Victoria, and I'm stuck. I wish you didn't have to deal with what is clearly an existential crisis, but it's just one more thing driving me insane. Because you're right, you don't get it. No one does, except maybe Edward." Alice paused, and sat down on an air conditioner vent. "I've been holding back what I saw, because the truth is so much worse than I could bring myself to say. We're taken by the Volturi. You, me, Kate, Bella and Rosalie. We were the survivors, because that's it, everyone else was gone. Dead. Your beloved Mason wasn't even there, and I have to carry that. A vision foretelling the death of my entire fucking family is why I can't move. Yes, I feel desperately guilty about my part in what happened to Charlie, but that's not why I'm broken. I'm shattered into pieces because I have no clue how we get through this alive." Alice was clutching herself tightly, the terror on her face clear as day.
"Wow." Was all I could say. "Do you know how it starts?" I asked, hoping to help in some way.
"Some point soon, you have an intimate conversation with Mason. Something happens that sends us on the wrong path. You end up in a coma, and when you awaken, we have some kind of high summit, a gathering of my kind so large the likes of which hasn't been witnessed in centuries. We gather to fight, and we still lose. You and Mason are the keys, but I have no idea why or how." She summarized too quickly, but I caught the main points, including the fact that I was hurt badly enough to put me in a coma. But I ignored that detail and focused on the why's of it. Why would Mason's presence make a difference?
"Mason's powerful, but not so powerful that he would tip the scales in a conflict large enough to beat a gathering as big as what you're describing." I pondered out loud.
"Maybe, but something about all of this is tied to why Mason leaves. I don't have any particulars, but things said in that meeting lead me to believe he died." She wasn't holding back, I was pretty sure whatever filter Alice normally possessed was completely gone, she was a raw nerve now and everything came out exactly as she thought of it.
"Dead." I couldn't think about him dying, it made my stomach turn over. "I won't let that happen; we have to change what happens to him."
"Yes, but how? I don't even know what drives him away." She said with a shrug.
"We were going on a date tonight, but it's probably going to be pushed out to tomorrow. Maybe we can talk about it then." I suggested, maybe telling him and working through his perspective could alter things. She started to shake her head, and then her face went blank. For ten terrifying seconds I waited for her vision to end, but then she was blinking, and she sighed deeply.
"No. That doesn't work. You convince him to stay, and things are even worse because the Volturi attack as well. Only I survive." Alice looked defeated, and I had nothing left. "I don't know for sure, but I think your date is when you have the conversation, but I have no timetable here."
"Fuck." I said letting out a swear I rarely used.
"Yeah. Fuck me gently with a chainsaw." She said, shaking her head.
"Oh, god. That's awful." The imagery made me gag a little, and I looked at her trying to figure out why she would say something like that. She shrugged again.
"Blame Christian Slater." Her explanation and smirk explained nothing, but at least I knew it was a quote from some movie I had never seen.
"Right, let's get back to class or skip out on the rest of school and go for a drive." I said, not sure which I was hoping for.
"You go, I need to think." She said after a few seconds, and then vanished over the edge of the roof before I could even consider a response.
I made my way back downstairs just in time for my final period class, and immediately wished I hadn't. Every student was staring at me when I entered, and each stole further glances at me during the entire lecture. It was enough that the teacher even noticed and asked what was wrong.
"Ask her, she's the one that knows what happened to Chief Swan." Lauren Mallory said with a malice I couldn't even begin to understand. We had been friends not terribly long ago, or at least I thought we had been friends. The teacher directed the question at me.
"Alice blames herself because she didn't go check on him. None of us thought to look in on him, and now..." I lowered my head and started to cry, the tears coming far too easily.
"I'm sorry Ms. Weber, if you need to see the nurse." I looked up and nodded once. He motioned towards the hall pass, and I left class. I thought about just going home, but instead I actually went to the school nurse. She was curious and attentive, and she even asked what happened to my head noticing the bandage, and she checked the wound and the perfect stitches.
"I guess it is nice to have a friend like Doctor Cullen." The nurse said with a big smile.
"They took me on a family outing to cheer me up, I tried to catch a baseball and it hit me in the head." The lie slid off my tongue easily, and I followed up quickly with another one. "My head really hurts; can I lay down?" Lying was starting to turn into a skill I was good at. I used to pride myself on the fact I couldn't lie very well and went out of my way to tell the truth whenever I could. It was strange to think about how much could happen in a year.
She nodded solemnly and showed me to the cot in the corner of her office. Then she drew the privacy screen and lowered the lights. It wasn't perfect, but I did end up falling asleep. She woke me up a while later with a gentle touch and asked if I could make it home on my own. I managed to get away from her easily enough with a note from her excusing me for the missed class.
Then I went home and expected to find my parents waiting for me. Instead they had left a note apologizing, explaining that they had gone to join the search for Chief Swan. I ran up to my room and collapsed in my bed. I quickly fell asleep, but it was restless. I tossed and turned until I cracked an eye to check on the time, only to realize it was already five-thirty. I sat bolt upright and rushed to get myself dressed. I picked out a dress I had worn once for an Easter dinner, and put on make-up which I almost never bothered with. My hair was a lost cause, but I managed to get it looking presentable. And before I knew it the doorbell rang.
I rushed downstairs and got the door open, and found Mason holding a bouquet of all white flowers, made up of roses and lilies and lilacs. I was immediately overwhelmed and took the flowers with what must have been a goofy smile on my face. He kissed my cheek and offered an arm, and we started to walk towards his car when I saw my parent's SUV out of the corner of my eye.
"Oh god, I'm sorry." I said, turning to him in horror. "I haven't told them about you for obvious reasons. Dad is not going to understand."
"You are eighteen, why does it matter?" He asked, clearly confused.
"I'll explain human parents sometime… if I survive this." I winced and gave Mason's face a serious examination to see how much older he looked. I didn't think he seemed much older than twenty, but he was clearly older than me.
My father pulled into the driveway aggressively, at least for him, and got out nearly slamming the door behind him. Mom stayed and looked after the twins, but she was staring at Mason. He marched over to us and stopped a few feet away and crossed his arms.
"I need an explanation young lady." Dad said angrily, and seemingly had no interest in even looking at Mason.
"We're going on a date. Our first date." I said honestly, hoping that would help my case.
"Mister Webber, please accept my apologies. I had hoped to meet you when I arrived this evening." Mason interjected holding out a hand to my father, who looked at it like he was being handed a bomb.
"And who is this?" Dad said being almost comically overbearing.
"Mason, he's an old friend of Emmett's in town for an extended visit." I lied again, almost too easily. My stomach turned as I internalized that I would have to lie like this for the rest of my life.
"Mason, and what do you do Mason?" The question wasn't lost on either of us, the implication was clear, Mason was too old for me in my father's eyes. If only he knew the truth of it.
"I just started my sophomore year at Washington State, and Doctor Cullen was gracious enough to let me stay with his family." Mason said with a practiced ease, the lie rolling off his tongue like silk.
"Heck of a commute." Dad said, looking suspicious.
"I have a dorm on weeknights, but I come here on weekends." He answered without hesitation or obvious thought.
"Of course, and how long have you known my daughter?" My father said, finally closing in on what he was trying to find out.
"Not long, the last time I went over to the Cullen's, before Bella passed, I met Mason. We meant to go out sooner, but you know. I just haven't felt like spending time enjoying myself. Mason convinced me that I needed a night out, to try and let myself have some fun." My lie wasn't as perfect, but I thought it hit the right notes.
"Ah. Well I wish you had mentioned him before. I guess you'll be a junior when she's a Freshman, so it isn't that bad." Dad muttered mostly to himself, clearly trying to justify letting us go. "Fine, but don't stay out past nine-thirty."
"We're going to Port Angeles for dinner; the drive would make that almost impossible." I said pleadingly. "Eleven thirty."
"Eleven." He countered, unfolding his arms and holding out his hand to Mason. "You can call me Mister Webber."
"It is a great honor to meet you Mister Webber, your daughter speaks very highly of you and your wife." The praise clearly made a small impression on my father, his shoulders relaxed a bit and his expression softened.
"Angela?" Mom called from the car. "Could you help me settle the boys before you go out?" I nodded at her and repressed the urge to sigh with impatience. I helped her get my brothers into the house, and as soon as they were in their playpen she turned on me.
"I've had enough! You have been acting spoiled and rebellious, but this is taking it too far. He must be five years older than you! And I won't have it, not now after everything you've put us through." She was so angry that I couldn't really see my mother anymore, she was so different from the person that I had grown up with. Or maybe it was me who had changed. Either way it made it impossible to recover my thoughts fast enough to react rationally.
"Enough, why enough! I'm eighteen, mom. I can do what I want. I've put up with your punishment even though I've been going through some major stuff. And now you want me to give up the one thing that makes any sense anymore? I'm done, I just finished pretending. Mason is my future and you aren't a part of that!" I felt the heat on my face and the pain in my clenched hands. My heart was pumping violently as my words sunk in. Then I absorbed the mix of fury and sadness in my mother's expression and it broke me. Tears started to stream down my face and my knees almost gave out from the built-up tension. She spent a long time staring at me, and finally she calmed down. I felt her familiar arms wrap around me and her head rest on my shoulder.
"Whatever you think you need to do; you will always be a part of our lives. You are so important to us, and we just don't want to see you go down a path where you might get stuck with nothing but bad choices. That boy isn't the answer to everything, as much as it feels like he is right now. Can you trust me on that?" I nodded absently, not really hearing her words. "You'll be going to college soon and he will be a distant memory. And when that happens, you'll understand what I'm saying. He is too old for you. And I know you don't want to believe it, but he is probably just using you." Everything she was saying finally sunk in. I reacted irrationally again and pushed her away a little too hard, and then I looked defiantly into her disbelieving eyes.
"You have no idea what you're saying. You think I'm just acting on impulse, that I'm making a choice without thinking it through. You have no idea how much thought I've put into my decisions, you have no idea how good he is, or how much he has done for me. He has literally saved my life, and I... care deeply about him." She looked shocked, and suddenly the realization that she was losing me crossed her face.
"I don't know what to say, I wish... If he were so important, why didn't you tell us about him?" She was grasping, but she had a point.
"Because I knew you wouldn't understand, which I know is just an evasion, but it's all I have. Our relationship isn't exactly normal, and until a couple of days ago I wasn't even sure how much he meant to me." I felt myself sigh at the end, an exhaled breath letting out the surge of emotions I was feeling. She nodded and wiped the tears from her eyes. Then she reached out a hand to me. I took it and she cleared her throat a couple of times before starting again.
"Okay, I think I forgot that we're supposed to trust you. Up until last year I would never have imagined that we would be fighting like this. But here we are, and I must believe that you'll be smart, otherwise I could never let you go. Can you promise me one thing?" I nodded at her and gave her a soft smile, "Don't run away. We're not kicking you out. We're just worried about you sweetie, and I need you to understand that. I'm begging you to be an adult about this." She was so sincere and heartfelt that I couldn't refuse her.
"Alright, but only if you give him a real chance. He is really important to me and if I am forced to choose, I'll probably choose him." She frowned slightly but nodded.
"We'll be here when you get home." She tried to smile her famous maternal smile, but it came out a little wrong. The result was almost comical, the runny make up making her resemble a raccoon and the twisted expression almost made me laugh. But I was just a little too sad to laugh, I didn't want this to be one of her last memories of me.
"I love you mom." I gave her a long, tight hug. Then after a minute we parted and both moved outside. Mason and my father were talking quietly to one another, and unlike my explosive confrontation, Mason seemed to be faring quite well. I felt a little bold and wrapped an arm around Mason's waist. This caused both of my parents to react, but Mason accepted the contact gracefully. My father's eyebrows were so high that it made his forehead look like an accordion. I let a little grin curl at my mouth at the sight of his goofy expression, and sighed softly, relishing the first chance to live without lies in what seemed like forever.
We said our goodbye to my parents, and eventually made our way to Mason's car, and he took the time to open the door for me. I smiled at his chivalry and took my seat quickly. Before I even had my seat-belt secure, he was opening the driver's side door.
"So where are we going?" He glanced at the house for a long moment. Then he turned and smiled mischievously. Although it was a silly expression, I could see there was more going on under the surface.
"On a long drive, where we're going to have a very long talk. The destination however is a surprise." He had turned serious for a moment, but his expression changed back to playful as he finished. We drove in silence for longer than I wanted to. Neither of us were quite ready to speak first. There were so many things to talk about and no words to discuss them.
"I don't know what to say." He said a little sheepishly, which didn't suit him.
"I thought we had a lot to discuss. I was waiting for you to start." I looked at him with a goofy smile on my face as we both realized that we were waiting for each other.
"Exactly, I was gathering my thoughts. Oh, who am I kidding, I don't know what to say anymore. When I'm around you everything else seems less important." He sounded a little lost, and I took in a deep breath and held it for a long moment, looking out the window to hide my excitement at the thought I could befuddle him.
"How did the tracking thing go, Alice mentioned something about Edward and Emmett headed to Mexico?" I asked and he immediately frowned.
"Not so great, she managed to evade us, and eventually lost her at the airport. I almost bought a ticket to follow her, but we don't even know where she's headed." His frustration was written on his face, but I almost couldn't meet his gaze, so I continued to stare out the window. "Victoria is very elusive, which is quite impressive considering our numbers. Her tracker must've taught her a great many tricks, or perhaps she taught him. Considering her patience, I think it is probably the latter." He paused for a long moment, and it gave me time to process the information and figure out a response.
"So, what's happening next, are you all going to try and figure out where she went?" I finally turned to look at him, not sure if this meant I was no longer in immediate danger.
"Emmett and Edward left on Saturday, but I doubt they will be able to pick up her trail, even with Edward's gifts." He didn't sound very hopeful, and I found myself frowning, closing my eyes to try and tamp down my inner turmoil.
"How is everyone dealing with all of this?" I said, feeling my emotions overwhelming me as my body began to shiver involuntarily.
"I don't know, I've been keeping my distance. I did speak with Edward briefly after Bella left with her father to hunt. I think she's better now that he's active. We'll see how he adapts to this life." He said somberly, shaking his head. "Carlisle asked me to train everyone in expanding or developing their gifts. I don't know why, maybe as a way to cope with all this change." He gave me a shrug, but I shook my head.
"No, it is to prepare. Alice told me more of her vision, and I think they are worried that nothing will be enough for what is coming." I couldn't shake the fear in my voice, and he reached out a hand to squeeze my shoulder in support. I had to admit the small contact helped a bit, and I felt myself regain some measure of control over my emotions.
"We'll work out something, I have some thoughts on a solution at least to deal with the Volturi." He seemed to be holding something back, and I couldn't quite figure out what he wasn't saying.
"What is it?" I asked, hoping he would let me in on what he was planning.
"Oh, it's nothing. I've just been feeling rather foolish around you. I think it's becoming a serious issue." He looked completely serious, but somehow it came across in a way that struck me as funny. I started to laugh, and the laughter quickly got away from me. He watched me for too long, enough that I wondered how he was watching where we were going.
"Are you going to drive, or stare at me?" I asked as I managed to get my laughter under control. He just rolled his eyes at me.
"I'm not going to crash Angela." He promised, but I didn't feel any reassurance.
"I never told you about what I saw in that first moment we met." He said unexpectedly. I shook my head, curious to what he was about to say. "You had just shoved Alice out of that little yellow Porsche careening down the highway far too fast. I saw her body hit the ground and launched myself onto the car. I'm not sure I know what I expected to find, but Angela, although you were bracing yourself for death, you looked so peaceful and almost ethereally beautiful in that instant of time, I was taken aback. If the truck's air horn hadn't gone off, we would've crashed because I was distracted by you. I felt like an idiot for being so foolish, for letting myself get distracted when life and death were on the line. But honestly, I wouldn't trade that moment for anything."
I couldn't stop staring at him, he had been interested in me from the very beginning. I wasn't sure how to take that, because I honestly felt the same. I knew my feelings from his actions, but I had no words to respond to him. He just smiled at me, and then turned back to the road. After another ten minutes he looked over.
"We're almost there." He said reassuringly. I honestly hadn't even thought about our destination.
"There? Oh, the secret. Okay." I had no questions because I trusted him. He pulled onto a long stretch of gravel road that led to a plot with a recently sold sign at the entrance.
"Yes the secret, it is my private place. I was seriously into climbing these mountains when I was here before. That's when I literally stumbled upon it. I vowed if I ever returned to this part of the world, I would find a way to own it, and live here for as long as possible without drawing undue attention. The house near forks is only an interim home." He spoke with enthusiasm plastered across his face and joy laced through his voice.
"Oh, you've been to America before?" I asked with genuine curiosity.
"Once a long time ago. I wandered the country for a few decades before returning to Europe. It was peaceful here, but I missed the old world." He said with a totally different expression than anything I had seen before. He was excited about something, as if just sharing his life with me was important to him.
"I think I get that, even though I've never been anywhere." I said off hand.
"Wait, you've never traveled?" He asked, looking a bit shocked. I shook my head, and felt myself frown slightly. "We'll have to remedy that before too long. I have never really stayed in one place for longer than a decade. So, I would love to share with you the wonders I have seen." His offer sounded amazing, and I felt myself smiling brightly, and happy tears stung at the corner of my eyes.
"I love you." I said in response, realizing that there was nothing else I wanted to say.
"Then there is something we need to discuss that may change your feelings." Mason's face had shifted and he shook his head in a way that made me instantly worried. Had everything been a lie like I feared? No, I couldn't believe it, not now, not after I had fallen for him.
"I doubt there is anything you could say…" Mason held up a hand to stop me. He was quiet for a moment, as if considering how to phrase what he needed to explain.
"I have told you I can pull latent gifts to the surface. I succeeded with Rosalie, but she wasn't the first. I had attempted once before, with a friend who shared my values and charised humanity. He was a monk, pious, kind and selfless. He had a wonderful way of thinking, a philosophy built over a long life of quiet contemplation and meditation. He had never given into his vampiric impulses, and was a kindred spirit. He was a bit in love with me, but that kind of relationship was forbidden due to his vows. Anyway, we were both curious about his gift, because I could feel it was a unique and wonderful gift within him." Mason took his time, his words carefully chosen and I had no idea where he was going with this story.
"What was his gift?" I asked with almost bated breath.
"He could alter his shape, completely transform his body to duplicate a person he physically touched. To put it into context the method was similar to how the local wolf shifters transform into giant beasts. It was quite powerful, and for a time it was a fascination for both of us. Until he realized he couldn't remember his own face. He became lost within himself, and it drove him mad. Eventually he… he asked me to end his life. I naturally refused, but he threatened to go to Volturi to do it, and it was too big of a risk. So I tried something else, something I have never attempted before or since." Mason looked deeply conflicted, and was seemingly unable to look up at me.
"Sounds ominous." I said, but reached up a finger and gently moved his chin up so that he was facing me. He met my eyes and then nodded once before continuing.
"I knew the only way he would ever heal is if his power was gone. At first I tried to help him suppress it, but that did not work. I was running out of time and options, so I figured out how to separate his gift from his mind, and pull it into myself. While the transfer worked, it ended up not solving the problem. He was broken, and I think the experience just showed him how inhuman he was. So rather than lose himself to his instincts he…" Mason took a brief halting breath, to try and push through some obvious emotional pain before continuing. "He… do you know what happens to our kind when we are exposed to fire?"
"I imagine it isn't fun." I shook my head, not sure I wanted to hear what he was going to say next, but I also knew I didn't want to stop him from telling me everything.
"At first nothing, it is like trying to set fire to stone. The only exception is when a part of our bodies are torn or broken from conflict. The fluid that flows through vampire kind is quite remarkable, it can change organic tissue into itself through a form of osmosis. But it is also quite volatile, and flammable. It would take hours sitting in flames so intense that it could literally melt rock, and that's what he did. He set a bonfire, and stepped into it. Sat down in the flames and meditated until he was nothing but bone and ash. When I found him it was far too late to do anything, but he was still conscious and I had to watch my friend die slowly." Tears had formed in the corners of his eyes and he swallowed hard.
"That was less than a century ago. I chose to honor him, both his soul and his conscience. I chose his face and name. So it is him that you see when you look at me, but that is not my true visage. I rarely change my shape, it is a power that is as horrifying as it is… wonderful. This is the last thing I have hidden from you, the secret I have yet to share. Yet it is a lie of omission and if you are upset and wish me to leave, I will completely understand and obey." He looked away again, and lowered his head in obvious shame.
I opened my mouth a few times to speak, wondering what could change about him that would force him to feel like he had betrayed me. "I assume the difference between the face you have chosen and your true face is quite different?"
"I shouldn't have started with this, I've ruined…" Mason started, but I shook my head with worry and fear, so I reached out to touch his cheek to try and stop whatever emotional spiral he had fallen into.
"Show me." I demanded softly, and he nodded as he closed his eyes.
At first I couldn't see anything, but then his face began to soften. The hard chiseled lines seemed almost fuzz, as if I was looking at him through frosted glass. Then his cheekbones shifted up and out slightly, his brow lessened, the shape of his eyebrows changed, his nose shrank slightly and the width and shape became far less pronounced. His jaw line shifted, then his lip widened and became fuller. Then the changes began to flow down his body, as his neck narrowed and lengthened. His broad shoulders narrowed, and the bulk of his upper arms seemed to deflate.
That was when I realized that nothing about him was a him anymore, as the person forming in front of me was very clearly a woman. She was stunning, exotic in a way I couldn't quite explain, yet her hair was the same glossy white, and when she opened her eyes they were still the same mismatched irises, now full of fear and nervousness. She fixed me with a worried expression and it took me a few seconds to wrap my head around his… her confession. She had always been a woman, it was simply timing that I met her as a man.
Yet was gender even a thing for someone so ancient? I quickly thought about her story, and ran through it with the person before me in place of the man I had originally pictured. It was the same, but some of the earlier context made a new kind of sense. Why wouldn't her tribe follow the strongest among them? Why hadn't the man she encountered in the woods attacked someone clearly strong and powerful? Her real face answered both of those questions easily. She was beautiful, and could easily command and compel men, but in a time of hunters and gatherers she would appear weak.
I lowered my hand and shut my own eyes to try and push away the conflict I felt, and try and distill my feelings down to their purest form. If that was even possible. I tried to find a reason to be upset but I couldn't seem to muster the slightest bit of anger. When is a good time to spring the 'I'm actually a woman' news. It was nonsensical, and ridiculous, and made a strange kind of sense. Here was someone who let themselves be consumed by power and hunger, only to develop true feelings for others. It also put into context her choice, she gravitated towards Rachel and Katherine and Celesta. Women of significance and power, and she had chosen me.
After nearly a minute I opened my eyes and looked at her trying to think about this unreal situation with logic and rationality, when my emotions were screaming at me with a thousand different voices. We stared at each other for a long time as I took in the shape of her face, but what I kept returning to were her eyes. They really were the same, and it was easy to find that core of feeling for this person who felt like a stranger despite those familiar orbs. Then she gave me a warm smile, and it almost completely melted my resolve, because it was the same smile.
"This is how I was born, and how I lived for millennia. It is who I am, and I am not ashamed of my face or body, it is just I had become used to wearing the face of my friend. I chose Mason out of respect, he was a good man. Are you mad?" She asked and almost reached out towards me, but stopped herself.
I shook my head and bit the inside of my cheek before answering. "No, I don't think I'm mad. I'm honestly not sure how I feel. I never examined my sexuality because it wasn't something I ever had the notion to explore. Bella choosing Rosalie threw me a little, but not because it was with a woman, but because it was Rosalie."
I could so easily see the person I had fallen for in the stranger sitting next to me, did her appearance matter? Was I attracted to her true face? I continued to stare, searching my feelings, and as I looked I again kept being drawn to her eyes. Eyes searching me for an answer to the question of her life. I was the love of her life, and I couldn't deny that she was the love of my life too. Man, woman, it didn't matter. Of course she was also the most beautiful woman I had ever seen, even compared against someone like Rosalie.
I smiled and reached out to touch her cheek again, and she pressed into my hand and shut her eyes. Warm tears fell into my skin, and I felt my heart skip a beat, when suddenly she felt like the person I loved, because she was the same in every way that mattered. She finally opened her eyes and gave me such a look of longing and vulnerability that I couldn't stop myself from leaning forward and pressing my lips to hers.
It was different, but the way she kissed me hadn't changed. It didn't take me long to wrap my arms around her back and pull her close, the sensations were new and wonderful and I couldn't separate my feelings from the person I was kissing. So I knew deep inside that it didn't matter one bit. Eventually, I reluctantly pulled away, but kept my arms intertwined with hers. She opened slightly puffy eyes and I knew that she was mine and I was hers and that changed everything.
"Your eyes are the same." I said softly, leaning forward to kiss her softly before pulling away again for her to respond.
She nodded a couple of times, "yes, they are my eyes. I kept them so I could remember myself."
"What is your name?" I asked, knowing I needed to discover everything about her.
"Tahlia, although I have gone by many names, that was the one I was born with."
"Tahlia." I couldn't deny the name resonated with me. "Tahlia, I'm still in love with you."
Mason, Tahlia or whoever they were closed their eyes and a warm smile spread across their face as they leaned forward to kiss me again, with a passion that was nearly overwhelming in intensity.
Author's Note:
I imagine this development is both out of left field and kind of confusing. Well unless you are reading this after finishing In Another Life than it would make sense. This is the answer to a lot of the lingering questions about Mason/Tahlia and why they have been a bit evasive. It does broaden their power a bit, and while that might seem over powered, I need to make it clear this is not like Mimic from X-Men. The shift takes time and effort and requires physical contact first, but yes it is a mystical/supernatural change more than a physical one.
Next Chapter: Connection - Mason/Tahlia