Author's Note: Okay, so, I wanted to write some Dumb Stuff involving the teachers, because the teachers are great and need more love. Then I had a conversation with my brother-in-law around Christmas involving eating lemons, so I decided to apply this to Hassel. Hey, he is named after an orange, so why not? I also originally had an idea involving Saguaro being horrified at someone eating spicy food, which I got to bring in with Jacq, since he's apparently the spicy eater of the squad.

So tl;dr? Partially blame Chickadee's brother-in-law for IRL shenanigans, and partially blame Chickadee just wanting dumb slice-of-life stuff. Yeah.

A Matter of Taste

Saguaro had accepted that maybe he just had more sensitive taste buds than basically everyone else. At least, he could admit it to himself—and it was harder to hide his food preferences from the other staff members. (They were less likely to judge him, anyway.) It would be a little longer before he started announcing his tastes in food around the students, but, hey, it was something.

Still, that didn't stop him from being a little…curious, so to speak, about some of his coworkers' tastes in food.

For example, that day, he and Hassel sat down in the staff room for lunch, and Saguaro couldn't help an incredulous stare when Hassel peeled a lemon and bit directly into it with a completely straight face.

He chewed, swallowed, and glanced over at Saguaro curiously. "…Is something wrong?"

Saguaro cleared his throat. "Well, not necessarily. Sour food can be refreshing from time to time. I…assume you brought something else besides that, however?"

Hassel obligingly moved over the plain paper bag he'd brought along. At first, Saguaro was surprised—he'd expected Hassel, of all people, to have a fancier method of lunch transportation than that. But, upon peering inside, it made a bit more sense. There were several more lemons and two limes sitting in the bag; plain fruit didn't really "require" something prettier.

"Do the limes qualify as something else?" Hassel said in a faintly-amused tone of voice.

"Well…technically, yes," Saguaro replied after several seconds of silence. "But shouldn't you be eating something a little more…balanced than that?"

"Please, Saguaro, eating enough fruit is very important at our age."

Again with that mildly-amused expression—and it was followed by Hassel taking several more bites of his lemon. Saguaro was slightly disconcerted as Hassel polished it off as if eating a plain lemon was the most normal thing in the world. Then, he reached into the sack, pulled out a second lemon, and casually started to peel it.

Saguaro shook himself. "Hassel, you say 'our age' as if we were as old as the director."

And he was three years' Hassel's junior, but that was beside the point. As was the age discussion in the first place, really. Still, Hassel grinned as he swallowed another few bites of lemon.

"Fair enough, I suppose. But I'd think you'd appreciate the value of a healthy lunch either way."

Well, he wasn't wrong… It was better than Dendra's infamous meat-on-meat sandwich, anyway. But it didn't stop Saguaro from sighing as he peeled the lid off his (heavily-sweetened) jar of peach jam.

"I simply had no idea you were so fond of raw lemons, Hassel."

"You said it yourself that they're very refreshing," he pointed out as he peeled another one. "And we had a citrus orchard when I was younger. I have good memories of going out to pick them, and my brother ate almost nothing but salted lime slices for a month when we were children. Our poor mother had to beg him to eat other food, and he only relented after he finally made himself sick from the lack of variety."

…Well, Saguaro could hardly criticize him after Hassel had just shared a positive story about his family. He didn't exactly complain about them on a regular basis; it was just that the only times any of Hassel's relatives had come to the Academy, the meetings hadn't ended well.

"Far be it from me to criticize a fond childhood memory." Saguaro chuckled. "I only ask that you take the lack of variety into consideration yourself."

"Of course."

Hassel made it a point to peel one of the limes next. That technically counted as "variety" in this case…

And Saguaro admitted it was far better than what happened next. Jacq strode into the staff room, plopped down on an empty chair, and unwrapped one of the Five Alarm Sandwiches from the school's cafeteria. Then, he pulled a small bottle of chili sauce out of his pocket, poured half of it over the sandwich, and took a bite.

"Whew," he sighed after swallowing. "I need to stop going over class time with my lectures… I might not have time to finish this. Anyone want half of it?"

Hassel eyed him cautiously. "How long has that sauce been in your pocket, Jacq?"

"Oh, since I left my house this morning," he answered cheerfully.

"You should be more careful with your food," Hassel scolded. "I might have taken you up on the offer if it had been refrigerated properly."

Saguaro groaned as Jacq laughed sheepishly. Why did his coworkers have such bizarre tastes in food?

Maybe tomorrow he should find another place to eat lunch.