Forenote:
You know about MamaJiu? Well, get ready for MamaLiu~ (this stray bit of brain fluff is literally the source of this whole thing)
After a few shichen sat in an awkward silence, the storm subsided enough for sword flight and they began the journey back to Cang Qiong.
He snuck another look at Shen Qingqiu, who was still... quiet. Subdued. Withdrawn. Not in his usual icy-arrogance way, but... something else. Even now, he was flying with his chin tucked down defensively instead of tilted up with that defiant challenge that always made Liu Qingge come back for another spar, another argument.
He hadn't made any of the snarky-snide remarks and had barely even looked at him once since... Since.
At least he didn't seem afraid of Liu Qingge. Though that he would be was a ridiculous thought anyway- maybe Shen Qingqiu thought he would rouse the Liu Clan against him for the- actions, between them. But he'd saved Liu Qingge's life, so...
They flew in silence. Took frequent short rest stops- more than Liu Qingge thought Shen Qingqiu needed, more than he usually took on missions... were they for Liu Qingge's benefit? They made camp every second night and slept in shifts, Shen Qingqiu keeping his head down and sentences short every time Liu Qingge tried to make him just talk. He wasn't good with words, not like Shen Qingqiu, the silver-tongued snake who was always striking at him with words and parrying Liu Qingge's returning verbal blows until he drew his sword and made the weapon one that couldn't be turned against him so easily.
It was how they interacted. He enjoyed it even, sometimes. No one else would spar with him even half as regularly as Shen Qingqiu and though his tricks were dirty and dishonourable, it made every fight exciting.
And now he was being ignored. After having his life saved by Shen Qingqiu so... intimately, being held close in only their inner robes to share warmth as they waited out the storm. After Shen Qingqiu had offered him a painless end if he refused the cure that he also offered. After Shen Qingqiu gave him that choice and saved his life once Liu Qingge agreed to it.
And now the scholar was ignoring him.
He didn't like it.
Once they got back to the Sect and Mu Qingfang fixed whatever the array on his stomach from the berries did, then things would go back to normal. He'd go raid Qing Jing to spar Shen Qingqiu, who would fight back viciously and give them both a good battle until Liu Qingge won. Afterwards... maybe Shen Qingqiu would let Liu Qingge extend a hand and help him up off the ground and they could go... have tea or something. Talk about the fight and go over techniques and stuff together. Have those sharp green eyes honed in on him alone.
Maybe Shen Qingqiu would finally let Liu Qingge tell him about the weak points in his stance and manoeuvres and then he'd get better and stop needing to use underhanded tricks. (Maybe, when he helped the scholar up and they walked to a nearby pavilion, maybe their hands wouldn't separate and Liu Qingge would know once and for all if Shen Qingqiu's hand was small enough to be enveloped in Liu Qingge's like a glove- like they fit. Maybe if he knew, the odd tugs and aches in his chest would stop flaring up when he caught sight of sweeping spring green silk and a fluttering fan.)
He nodded to himself; mind made up.
If Shen Qingqiu was willing to go to such lengths to save his life- and make sure he wanted to be saved- then he'd obviously changed from the treacherous backstabber that tried to kill him on that mission with Shang Qinghua. Therefore, Liu Qingge could honourably recognise him as his shixiong and they could be proper sparring partners as martial siblings, not just rivals/enemies-who-fought-frequently.
(And maybe, one day, if things got better between them and it seemed like being friends might work out, maybe they could try... maybe one day...)
He heaved a sigh, the sound silenced by the wind.
It'd work out, once they were back at the Sect.
.
.
.
After escorting Liu Qingge to Qian Cao Peak and the personal attention of Mu Qingfang (necessary, otherwise the meathead brute would most likely wander back into the wilderness of his Peak, without seeking medical attention and without the knowledge to fix himself up to 'liveable' that Shen Jiu had), he went one of the smaller, more secluded pavilions in the bamboo woods after reporting his return to the Peak Lord.
The mission report would need to be written, the shidi and shimei of Qing Jing would need to be checked for happenings while he was gone, he had the assignments the Peak Lord set him to catch up- the end of the month was approaching and he'd lost time going on the mission where he'd fucked Liu Qingge.
His head dropped into his hands, palms pressing into his eyes until colours flashed against the darkness.
The trip back had been a lot of tie spent in reflection. After the initial abhorrence of doing that to someone- in the heat and ash of the Qiu Estate, Xiao-Jiu had sworn to die before he let anyone succeed where Qiu Jianluo had failed. Shen Jiu had maintained that quiet promise to himself through traveling with Wu Yanzi and learning of all the poisonous aphrodisiacs in the world that could be cured only by 'Dual Cultivation'. He had promised himself right up to joining the Sect, up to becoming Shen Qingqiu, right up until it wasn't Xaio-Jiu poisoned, but Liu Qingge.
Peerless Liu Qingge. Peerlessly righteous and honourable, peerlessly skilled and powerful, peerlessly beautiful, admired by disciples, boasted of with pride by Hallmasters and Peak Lords, beloved by his family and their noble bloodline. Liu Qingge, who would be missed.
Thus, the promise made in the heart of a slave was broken, worthless just like the rest of him.
That alone, Shen Jiu might have recovered from, after all, he had made sure that Liu Qingge understood each of his limited options and had- he had made sure not to hurt him. The best of a bad situation, falling in theme with the narrative of Shen Jiu's life.
It wasn't just that.
The initial self-loathing had passed, but it had been like a broken dam, accusatory emotion sweeping across the derelict town of his memories, annihilating every flimsy structure of self-justification and rationalization built for every act of hatred, villainy, jealousy and sadistic glee. The initial flood passed, but the wreckage remained, every ugly truth laid bare to his heart and mind.
In his time on the streets, it was cutting off the other slaves of the begging ring in favour of looking out for himself and Qi-ge, instead of helping Yue Qi support, manage and lead them like he wanted. Maybe with a more coordinated effort, they could have gotten more food. Maybe Liu-ge wouldn't have gotten sick, or Er-ge been killed for stealing medicine for him, or San-jie sold to that dirty old man by the slavers to cover their losses. With the protection of a group, would they still have found Ba-jie's body in that alley? His selfish jealousy of Qi-ge's attention meant he never gave them the chance.
He hadn't killed every man in the Qiu estate, but he killed enough, if not by his blade then by the fire he set. How many of the female slaves and staff had died from the smoke or falling beams or flames? He would never know. A careless cruelty, thoughtless injustice.
There were things he could have done while 'apprenticed' under Wu Yanzi, people he could have helped but did not, out of apathy, or maybe resentment of the freedom and bonds of connection he saw all around him. Knowing how hard existence was in those circumstances, he still hadn't put himself out when he had the means to do so. Instead, he festered his resentment and used it to ruin his meridians under his Master's tutelage.
Yue Qi, Yue Qingyuan, set to one day become Yue-zhangmen... no, that one was not his fault. It was Yue Qi who made a promise Shen Jiu didn't ask for but waited for regardless. Yue Qi broke his promise, but Shen Jiu kept his and followed him to his lofty Sect, ready to support him with devoted loyalty.
Still, once he was in the Sect, taken into the Scholar's Peak, training to become an Immortal Master, what does he do? Does he try to let go of the poisonous resentment? Grasp the opportunity to become someone new? No.
No, he did not.
He didn't lie or cheat, but he never told the full truth and he absolutely sabotaged others in minor ways directly, or more major ways through deliberate inaction or engineered coincidence. He made enemies, hissed threats and generally presented himself like an temperamental, lethally venomous snake. Then, when he was ostracised, distrusted and vilified, he used that resentment to feed the flames of his hatred. Just like Wu Yanzi taught him to.
(Doing this- had he been passively practicing demonic cultivation this whole time? As well as feeding his heart demons, had doing this been undermining his spiritual foundation since he joined Cang Qiong?! No wonder he had such frequent Deviations! He subconsciously piled up tinder nearly every waking moment, no wonder it only took a mere spark from a flare of unbalance to set his whole system Deviating.)
And now he had desecrated the one thing he prided himself on- his word in keeping promises.
(He would... have to think on this. Perhaps go into secluded meditation, provided that privilege was one still available to him after the events of the mission got out.)
A gust of wind set the bamboo leaves shushing in quiet susurrus. He folded his hands together atop the clean white stone of the pavilion table, staring sightlessly. Now that his word was worthless, was it time to break the chain of fealty between Xiao-Jiu and Yue Qingyuan, to free them both of its heavy shackles? Would one more broken promise make all that much difference?
Heavy footsteps thumped toward him, breaking his reverie.
It was Liu Qingge marching towards him, his stomping boots masking the softer footfalls of Mu Qingfang hurrying behind. They stopped at the pavilion entrance, Liu Qingge folding his arms low over his chest, almost wrapped around his stomach, with a slightly wild look in his eyes indecipherable to the short glance Shen Jiu gave him. The Healer shifted in place, "Shen-shixiong, there is a matter of... some delicacy to be discussed, requiring your input."
.
.
.
Liu Qingge was alone for the first time since the... cave thing, in the Bai Zhan Head Disciple building, information spinning round and round in his mind as he wandered around his house, absently adding thing to his pack. He had been given the choice to stay on Qian Cao or Qing Jing for the duration of his... condition, under the medical advisement of Shu Qiongting, the Qian Cao lord. He had looked at Shen Qingqiu, looked for answers to questions he didn't have as he floundered in this wholly unexpected situation.
Apparently, Liu Qingge had the best and worst of luck. A perfect storm, in Shu-shishu's professional opinion, Mu Qingfang nodding along. When he'd accidentally crushed the Arctic berries, they'd implanted seeds and begun syphoning Liu Qingge's energy to them, the near cold-paralysis was a useful side-effect for them.
He'd had blood on him from the beast, which- Shu Qiongting had looked at him steadily for this- was very, very lucky. Demonic energy causes the arctic berry seed spores to all merge together into one, otherwise Liu Qingge would be growing several thousand plants. However, demonic energy also causes some sort of mimicry within the seed, so left alone, if Liu Qingge had survived the qi freezing, he would currently be carrying a Snow Bear cub, which might have some indistinguishable plant traits.
Luckily, that was definitely not the case, because he received… intervention.
The swiftness and intensity of energy flow from the… that, meant he hadn't frozen to death or suffered any major damage from almost freezing and had burned out the imprint of energy within the seeds, replacing demonic with spiritual. Shen Qingqiu's spiritual imprint.
What was left was a single seed with a small syphon on his Golden Core, composed of his and Shen Qingqiu's qi imprints, which would grow into a human child.
He looked down at his stomach. It was completely flat now but would soon swell and round. With a child. His child. His and Shen Qingqiu's. Theirs.
Something small and electric thrilled up his spine. Family. The Liu were a tree of a thousand branches, but each new couple took off and established their own household rather than all staying in one huge compound, so Liu Qingge had grown as an only child, Mingyan born after he had already left for Cang Qiong, but he vividly remembered each and every occasion of visits to or from other branches. He remembered even as a child, looking at parents stood together as partners, surrounded by a small army of children, surrounded by warmth of love and contentment and wanting.
And it was happening.
He had to tell his parent. He'd write them, and the clan head. Grandmother would insist on a proper ceremony eventually, after she'd met Shen Qingqiu and judged him, and would be happy to handle negotiations with Shen Qingqiu's family- ah! He should probably write to them too, to introduce himself. Whoever the Shen family was. And Qi Qingqi, he'd have to sent a note for a meet up with her soon Qi Zhuying hated being the last to know things like this...
Things like Liu Qingge starting his own family.
He'd never really considered definitively when he wanted to found a new branch, gather his own familial pack, but fresh into his second decade seemed too soon somehow, in a vague, blurry way. He wasn't even Peak Lord yet. He wasn't established.
And he was doing all this with Shen Qingqiu, who had readily agreed for Liu Qingge, his until-recently-hated-rival, to move in with him in the Qing Jing Head Disciple quarters but made no mention of the Future. He was acting as a Partner, but he hadn't...
There had been no mention of... taking responsibility. Not like Liu Qingge would have done if the situation were reversed. Things he would have force them to discuss and lay out. Marriage. Stability and support and a place in their child's life. Neither of them had intended this, but it was the honourable thing to do now that it had happened.
He huffed a breath. He was being ridiculous. There was no rule that said Shen Qingqiu had to be the one to bring it up, Liu Qingge was perfectly capable. He was the carrier of their child, not a fainting maiden.
He'd confront Shen Qingqiu about it later. For now, he things to pack. Robes, weapon maintenance equipment, a few of the hair oils and suchlike from home, some books (treaties on tactics and battle strategy, historical battle accounts and... some of a more... Fictional. Nature of... romance tales. Which now that he thought about it would definitely be left right here never to be seen by Shen Qingqiu)… A few inkstones and brushes, writing equipment, because he still had to send word to his parents and Clan and there was no telling whether Shen Qingqiu would let him use some of his, especially as he had never quite broken the tendency to gnaw the ends of his brushes while he thought. Better to just not.
A few more assorted trinkets shoved in the qiankun bag- meditation incense from his father, a tiny leopard carved from a blue and white speckled stone from his sister, a small potted plant from his mother, a cutting of one of the Clan's spiritual silver willow trees, to purify the environment around him and help prevent qi deviation.
Then he set off to Qing Jing. To the first day of his new life.