Chapter 6: I'm Not Going Anywhere
Whoever thought of the game Pin the Bottle on the Baby was an idiot. Which meant that Joey probably came up with the game.
Chandler was too happy to care, though, as he watched his roommate making an ass of himself while blindfolded. The baby shower for Monica was in full swing, and Chandler was perched on the couch within arm's reach of the expectant mother herself. Catching her eye, he grinned at her; she radiantly smiled back.
It was close to the holidays, and the Burke mansion was starting to feel as though some life and warmth was coming back into it. Although, Chandler wasn't altogether sure that if Tim and Michelle – seated further down the couch – knew just how much warmth, they would appreciate it.
He and Monica had taken things slow. Still were. The baby's arrival was still the point by which they were going to judge if they were ready to try something more. In the meantime, Chandler had exhibited self-control by not taking up all the evening shifts when one of their friend group would spend the night over with Monica.
He watched as Monica now started to struggle to her feet, and it was pure instinct that led him to leap up and steady her. Chandler noticed Tim's frown, but he ignored it.
"Where to? Bathroom?"
"Kitchen. Cravings," she grimaced at him. Chandler dutifully led her through the swinging door into the kitchen. They were barely halfway to the sink before Monica was turning and kissing him softly on the mouth.
New couples had to have some sort of indulgence. Even if that meant kissing each other in total secret when no one was watching.
"I take it I was the craving?"
"Hmm," Monica purred demurely. "In a manner of speaking." Smirking, she lifted up her rounded blouse to expose her midriff. "Baby needs his fixings, too…"
Grinning with amusement, Chandler knelt at her feet and solemnly kissed Monica's swollen belly, letting himself feel how she combed her fingers through his hair and beamed down at him tenderly.
Drawing his lips back from her pronounced belly button, Chandler frowned thoughtfully.
"Is it right? That I'm doing this?" he winced.
Monica sighed, smiling slightly. "Chandler…."
"I'm not his father," Chandler pointed out quietly, hurriedly clambering to his feet. "And if either of your step-kids had walked in on that just now, they'd be thinking all sorts of things. Like we had an affair or something…"
Monica laughed, resting her hand on his arm. "Chandler…."
"Is this kid going to think I'm his dad?"
Monica drew back and blinked, frowning. "Do you want to be his dad?"
Gazing at her, Chandler swallowed. "I'll be whatever he and you need me to be," he vowed quietly. "But that doesn't change the fact that this doesn't seem fair. I feel like…. I feel like I cheated! Your son has heard my voice more than he ever heard…. Richard's…."
Monica's eyes expanded. "You've been reading those baby books I left on the coffee table, haven't you?"
Chandler flushed, caught. "…. Maybe…."
Beaming, Monica looped her arms around his neck and kissed him. "That is so sweet!... And I….." Suddenly, she winced and let out a groan, clutching her belly. She swayed into Chandler. "Oh, God…. Oh, my God, I think….."
All at once, there was a splash on the tiled floor and over much of Chandler's shoes. He glanced down, and paled at the sight of fluid and even a bit of… blood….
"Uh….. guys?!" Chandler hollered. "I think her water just broke! – MONICA!"
He yelped with shock as Monica now swooned into a dead faint, and it was only Chandler's fast reflexes that saved her. He scooped her up in his arms, terrified as she lay back limp, her head lolled.
A stampede of running feet heralded Ross, Rachel, Joey and the others.
Michelle took one look at the situation and shrieked, "We need to get her to the hospital – NOW!"
Rachel was starting to hyperventilate. "Oh, no…. no… It's too early!"
Ross drove the Porsche either like he had a death wish or that he really wanted a speeding ticket.
He thankfully ended up with neither as the group, with Phoebe in the follow-up cab, pulled up to NYU Langone Hospital in record time. Chandler vaulted over the open halfback of the car with an unconscious Monica still cradled in his embrace. He pelted for the double doors in a blind panic.
"Help! Help! My best friend needs help! She's… she's pregnant…."
Doctors swarmed him, tugging Monica out of his arms and transferring her onto a gurney.
"She's lost blood!" one of the technicians. "Let's move her back! She's crashing!"
Blood loss? Crashing? Chandler felt his knees starting to buckle and it was only through sheer force of will that he kept himself upright. Nothing less than adrenaline fueled him as he fought against the doctors, then his friends, then Monica's step-kids to go back and be with her.
"Mon…. MON! Monica!"
Sitting vigil in the waiting room was like watching paint dry. Finally, a nurse came back. "Family of Monica Geller?"
Chandler stood up faster than any of them, prompting the nurse to go right to him. "Your wife is needing to undergo an emergency C-section. She's lost quite a bit of blood."
Chandler was in too much of a haze to even bother to correct the nurse on the situation. "I know her blood type. We're the same type." The only reason he knew that was because years ago, Monica had made him and their friends all write their blood types down on a notecard, which she'd taped to her fridge in Apartment 20. In case of just such an emergency as this. Suddenly, Chandler was thrusting his forearms under the nurse's nose. "Stick me. Take as much as you want, I don't care! Just help her, please!"
The nurse nodded and waved him back. Clacking down the long corridor, Chandler heard the footsteps of someone following him; when he glanced back, he realized it was Michelle. Maybe she had Monica's blood type too.
The nurse ushered Chandler into a small examination room, and set up the blood draw. Chandler had never liked needles, but he gritted his teeth and glanced away and out the window. His gaze ended up landing on Michelle, who was waiting outside for her turn.
When he felt the draw was complete, Chandler grunted, "Again."
"Sir, we don't…."
"Just take my other arm, find another vein and STICK ME AGAIN!" Chandler hollered. His eyes were still turned away from the needles and thus resting on Michelle when he all but thundered this.
He kept them there, letting Michelle watch in astonishment as he practically made the nurse take a second pint of blood. Then a third…. Chandler badgered for a fourth, and the nurse had to all but beg him to stop. "We have more than enough…."
Chandler staggered out of the examination room and let Michelle bustle past him. He felt how she was staring at him, almost as if she had never seen him before.
"Chandler!" Joey came dashing up to him, hugging him. "We found her room; it's this way!"
There was a wall of windows allowing the group to see into the operation room. Doctors were hovering over Monica feverishly, like large, lab-coated blue bees. When a red and squalling thing was suddenly held towards the light, Rachel clapped a hand to her heart, her lips pursed emotionally.
Ross stared. "I'm an uncle…" he breathed. Then he pitched back in a dead faint; it took Tim, Joey and Chandler to stop him from hitting the floor, and even then, they barely caught him.
Michelle rejoined the group, forearms bandaged. She kept studying Chandler with a curiousness that left him disconcerted and he averted his eyes.
It was a couple hours, by now deep night, before Monica's loved ones were directed back to her recovery room.
Striding in, Chandler swayed to a halt when he saw a dazed Monica with an infant at her breast. She looked exhausted – like death warmed over, really – and yet her face was utterly slack-jawed as she beheld her son lying on her chest.
Ah, sweet mystery of life, at last I've found you!... Ah, I know at last the secret of it all!...
Chandler crossed the room in two strides and hugged her, sobbing with relief into her neck.
"Oh, Mon…. Thank God…. I was so worried…."
"I'm all right…." she mumbled. Then she drew back to peer at him, specifically his forearms. "Did you give blood? You hate needles!"
"I had to!" Chandler cried. "After all, we're the same type!"
"You…. you gave blood to me?"
"More than he should have," Michelle mumbled. "The nurses had to beg him to stop!"
Monica stared. "…. Why….?"
"Be-because I….." Words failed Chandler. In utter relief, he drew Monica close and kissed her lips. It was the first time he had ever initiated a kiss between them.
It was also the first time that they had openly kissed in the presence of others.
Tim, fit to be tied, threw up his hands. "I knew it…. And the replacement has moved in, ladies and gentlemen!..." His tone was mocking.
With a jeering comment like that, anyone would have been in the right to explode. No one expected it to be Joey.
"Will you shut the fuck up and show some decency, you little shit?! He saved your stepmother's life, and probably your sibling's, too!" Enraged, Joey poked his finger into Tim's stunned chest. "Look, we're all sorry about your dad…!"
"Don't you speak about my father! Your buddy didn't even wait for his body to grow cold before he was making a move….!"
"I'm sorry – I must have missed the part where there's a book with a timetable for grief! If Monica is ready to move on, then I say good on her!"
Tim snorted, glowering at the embracing couple. "She sure moved on pretty fast…."
"So, she's not your speed. Wow. Shocker. You didn't need to exactly tell us that!"
Rachel's eyes bulged and she glanced away while fighting off a laugh. Tim looked as though Joey had decked him.
"Why don't you go fuck all the way off, little boy, and think about what you've said?"
Glancing at everyone, but finding no quarter, not even from his own sister, Tim stormed out of the hospital room. Letting all the energy drain from him, Joey turned back and flushed sheepishly at how the others were gawping at him.
"Sorry. I know we already have Angry Ross. We don't need an Angry Joey."
"Angry Joey? I like Angry Joey!" Phoebe grinned with relish. "I mean…. whoo-eee!" And she started to fan herself. "I'm gonna need to freshen up downtown after that!"
Joey grinned wolfishly. Rachel squawked and hit her friend on the arm.
"Phoebe!"
Chandler and Monica laughed, leaning in to share a soft kiss on the lips. Beaming, gushing with pride, Monica turned the little bundle out to show him.
Chandler felt the lump catch in his throat. "He's perfect….." He brushed the sweaty bangs back from Monica's forehead. "I love you, Monica…."
Her breath hitched, even as her eyes shone and she melted. "I love you too, Chandler…." They embraced and kissed yet again.
"Monica?" The lovers glanced back at Michelle's quiet voice. "…. What are you going to name him?"
Ross chuckled. "I have a feeling I know…." He at least had the decency not to give it away.
Monica beamed. "Daniel…." She murmured. She bounced her little boy in her arms. "Daniel Chandler Burke…."
Chandler jerked in surprise at this. "Mon – no…."
"Yes," she nodded to him firmly, jaw hard. "Babe, you've been there for me when you didn't have to. My son deserves to share your name."
"He deserves to have his father's name!" Chandler protested.
Behind him, Rachel was rolling her eyes. "Noble to a fault…" she muttered to Ross and her friends.
"He does. Burke. And he will also carry the name of the only father he'll ever know: you." Monica gazed at Chandler. "That is…. if you'll have us…."
Chandler beamed softly, leaning in to kiss her. "Of course I'll…." He choked up. "You're the best thing in my life, Mon. You, and the kid."
Monica craned up to kiss him once more. "Thank you…."
"…. Chandler?"
Chandler glanced back at Michelle's call.
"May I speak with you for a moment, please?"
Chandler nodded, and he followed his girlfriend's stepdaughter out into the hall. She was gazing at the floor and wringing her hands.
"…. You really love her, don't you?"
Chandler nodded.
"Will you love my baby brother?"
Chandler swallowed. "With everything in me."
Michelle nodded. "Then that's good enough for me. You have my blessing. Just please take care of them."
"I will," Chandler rumbled. They hugged.
"Oh, and I'll arm-twist Tim into coming around. I apologize, for him." Smiling softly, Michelle turned and headed to track down her petulant brother.
It was the witching hours here in the hospital. By the light of a small desk lamp, Chandler was going over some paperwork for Monica's eventual discharge, his reading glasses pushed down to the bridge of his nose. Glancing up, he studied where Monica was sacked out in her hospital bed asleep, and baby Daniel resting in the bassinet at the foot of her bed, just to make sure they – his family – were still there.
Soft Christmas music was playing at a barely perceptible volume over the radio: "Good King Wenceslas looked out, on the Feast of Stephen…. Where the snow lay round about, deep and crisp and even…. Brightly shone the moon that night, though the frost was cruel…"
The door creaked open, admitting Joey, who crept in as Chandler wildly gesticulated pantomimes for his buddy to keep it down.
"Last call for home, man. Phoebe's out in the cab. Train's leaving the station."
Chandler turned his gaze back to his entire world, sleeping peacefully away. "No. I'm staying here."
Joey popped his lips. "OK…. I thought you might say that."
Chandler nodded. "Thanks, bud. Just make sure either Phoebe or Ross are here by 8:00 tomorrow morning for when we're released."
Joey blinked. "I won't be up that early."
Chandler chuckled. "Very well…. 8:30, then." He shuffled some of his papers, looking studious, even mature. Joey couldn't help but stare with pride. In the span of but a single night, his best buddy really had grown up.
Joey crossed over and pulled Chandler into a backslapping hug. Then he crept over and stole a kiss across Monica's forehead, blew a kiss to the baby and departed.
It was only a few minutes after Joey had left when Chandler sensed his lover start to stir.
"Chandler….?"
"Hey…." Chandler grinned, setting his homework aside and crossing to her bed.
"Is…. is the baby all right….?" Monica murmured sleepily, as Chandler finished kissing her.
"Daniel's fine; I've just been reading over some of your documents, and what we'll need to do to get you home tomorrow." Chandler paused. "Mon – sweetie…. There's something you oughta know: you lost quite a bit of blood, and the doctors had to do some emergency procedures."
Monica's face fell. "I can't have any more children," she guessed, heartbroken.
Chandler shook his head, feeling tears slip down his cheek. "No, honey…. The doctors think, after what you went through, it would be too risky…."
Monica scrunched up her face as she started to sob. "I…. I wanted to have children with you!" she wept.
Chandler felt his heart leap and shatter all at once upon hearing this. "Oh, baby…. I'm honored. Right now, I'm just glad I have you…. and Daniel." He gulped through another lump in his throat. "He might not be mine by blood, but I'll love him like he's mine…."
Monica beamed wetly. "I know you will." Curling a hand around the back of his neck, she kissed him sweetly.
When they broke apart, Monica murmured softly: "When we get home…. I want you to stay. With me. With…. with us…." She blushed prettily. "And as soon as I'm healed… I want you, Chandler. In my bed." From the way she said this, she wasn't talking about just to sleep, as he had on the night of Richard's funeral and wake.
As Chandler drew back to stare in awe at the woman he loved, Monica just nodded, resolved.
"I'm ready…." she murmured.