On one of the few sunny days in Forks, in a packed parking lot. I was forced to explain why Michelle sitting inches from my face made me uncomfortable.

"So I don't like it," I said, grabbing her shoulders and moving her back.

She looked at me with disbelief that quickly faded to annoyance or maybe even anger.

"Why?" Her voice cracked slightly but she was still smiling.

"Because I don't like to be touched." I said plainly looking in her eyes.

She stared at me blankly, "you seemed fine with Edward touching you."

I looked away, my hand tracing my notebook again, "That's different."

"No it's not," she almost yelled, her voice was harsh and she still had a smile, forced and humorless on her face.

"Yes it is," I raised my voice before quickly calming down, "Look can you just let it go, I told you it made me uncomfortable, can you just respect that?"

"No, tell me why it is different?" She grabbed my shirt, as if she was going to hit me. "What, are you gay or something?"

The bell rang but we stayed seated for a while, her face was a dark maroon and I couldn't even imagine how mine must have looked.

I wanted to ask her 'what if I am?'

I wanted to yell at her that I didn't need to be gay to hate her flirting and touching me. That I wanted a friend and didn't see her that way.

I wanted to go home, skip school altogether and hide under my covers until she forgot this conversation ever happened.

But instead I quickly gathered my books and put them in my bag and without looking at her said under my breath, "We should get going."

We walked to class in silence. She looked like she wanted to say something, but thankfully, she didn't. I had nothing to say or better yet feared what I might say if we talked.

She sat with Erica again and I welcomed the silence.

The silent day was ended by Jesse in Trig, completely unaware of the argument between me and Michelle. He happily invited me to go suit shopping in Port Angeles with him, Alex and Leonard.

When I asked him what I needed a suit for, he shrugged. "Everyone needs a good suit right?"

The easy answer was to decline his offer, I didn't need a suit and especially didn't feel like waiting for them to get their own.

But, I hated the idea of spending another day alone, obsessing over Edward and drowning in homework. I hated the thoughts that would flood my head the moment I was allowed to sit and truly think about Michelle and what she said.

So I shrugged, "let me ask Charlie first."

Lunch was familiar and the same, I sat next to Alex at the end of the table happily giving my usual seat next to Michelle to Jesse.

Michelle didn't mention anything about me being gay or the argument we had but instead seemed to follow me with her eyes like she wanted to talk but couldn't.

I ignored her, instead letting my eyes scan the cafeteria in the hopes that Edward or his family would magically appear.

They never did and effectively I turned my attention to Alex who was asking me questions about my essay and bits of our Biology homework.

He was surprisingly talkative when he wanted to be, though his voice still held a monotone and straightforward tone to it. and his eyes were carefully hidden behind the thick rim of his glasses. I could tell he was enjoying our conversation.

Before he stopped he added softly, "are you going to Port Angeles with us?"

And I awkwardly smiled, my eyes drifting to the cullens empty table before answering, "sure, yeah I'll go."

The rest of the day felt like it was dragging on forever.

I didn't hold any hope for him magically showing up in biology class.

During Gym, we had a lecture on the rules of badminton, which I enjoyed. Anything was better than stumbling around the court and getting hit with rackets. It was cut short by a phone call. So I was promised another free Gym.

Jesse canceled the trip before we even left school, rescheduling the trip for the next day.

It was hard to act like I cared about his date and even harder to act like I was happy that it was Michelle.

I knew she wouldn't tell him, that she had no reason to assume that my reaction was an answer.

I knew I wouldn't be mentioned once during their date, they would be happy together and had no reason to think of me.

Yet I was scared…

Part of me panicked at the idea that she would tell Jesse, that they both would know my secret and they would leave me.

I would just wait until the next day, until school, until our rescheduled trip, until the shoe dropped, until I was alone again.

I didn't want to cook dinner, I didn't feel like eating. I just grabbed a random bag of fish from the freezer and marinated it on the counter. Then I made a small salad.

I sat at the table for a while after that, listening to the tick of the clock, I didn't have the energy to do my homework.

After putting the fish in the fridge I slowly ended up in my room, sitting at my computer again. My hand lingered over the keyboard like I was scared to use it.

I hit a key like I was expecting it to flicker back to the page I was on before, but it didn't. Instead it's Fans slowly roared to life and the monitor did it's usual dance between screens before landing on the logo.

And like a pull back to reality. I saw I had a email from Dad

'Bela, are you okay?'

I stared at it for awhile, how long had it been since I thought about dad? It wasn't a conscious choice to ignore him.

I just forgot to think of him, to message him, to miss him and I assumed he was the same.

Why would he miss me?

I didn't know what to type, what would he want to hear from me?

Would it be fair to say I forgot?

'Dad, Sorry. I've been busy with school and hanging out with friends. We went to the beach because it's been sunny lately, so I didn't want to miss out. Love you, too.'

I sighed lightly. I needed to stop thinking to distract myself. My eyes drifted over to my collection of CDs, Music didn't seem to work.

I drifted down to the small chest under the desk, it had the few books I brought with me to Forks. Just a few comics, Othello and ironically Carmilla, my hand traced over the small paperback book, simple white and black with the name written in plain text on the front.

It looked like a school book, boring and unremarkable. I wasn't even sure why I had it, pretty sure I had picked it up from the free book cart in the school library and never bothered to read it.

And yet at the moment I couldn't imagine putting it down.

I quickly grabbed a worn quilt from the linen cupboard and headed downstairs.

In Charlie's yard, I spread out the quilt, making sure to choose a spot in the sunlight away from any shaded areas. As I lay down on my stomach and flipped through the novel, I felt my eyes glaze over. It was easy to read, at least compared to Shakespeare but the text was too plain, too flowery and maybe even a bit too old. For every word I understood, something else would be said that confused me. It didn't take much for it to frustrate me.

So I closed the book, tossed it on the grass, took off my shirt and closed my eyes. The sun felt good against my skin, it missed the sweet sting of the sun I was used to, but it still left warmth.

I could feel the breeze petting and softly pulling at my hair and the gentle touch of the cold grass on my arms. I loved the orange glow of the sun in my closed eyes.

I could hear a soft voice in the breeze calling my name, "Bela." Sweet and gentle, it teased my ears and seemed to make me flush red.

"Bela!" The voice was suddenly raspy, almost hoarse and I was sitting in the darkness of the yard.

I could still hear the voice, growing more desperate and hoarse with every passing second. And despite my daze I quickly jumped to my feet and yelled back, "yeah?"

I looked around the yard, almost in shock that I had fallen asleep, but I couldn't ignore that the sun was gone. The quilt damp and the book lightly dyed from sitting in the grass too long.

I was definitely asleep, but I could still hear my name in the breeze and someone's eyes on me in the distance behind the trees. It felt so real that my eyes drifted into the darkness.

I quickly packed up the quilt, forgetting my book and ran into the house. Charlie had calmed down by the time I made it in the house, taking off her boots while leaning on the edge of a chair.

"Where was you?" she grumbled under her breath.

"Sorry I fell asleep." I said with a stifled yawn.

"Outside?" she stared at me in disbelief.

"Yeah?" I raised a eyebrow before adding, "Sorry, dinner's not ready yet."

"Don't worry about it," she replied. "I wanted to catch the score of the game anyway."

After dinner, I lingered and joined Charlie in front of the TV. Charlie only seemed to enjoy three things, sports, sitcoms and the news. I was sure if she was ever able to be home during the morning she also would be addicted to the likes of Montel Williams and Jerry Springer.

Those would be better than the dating show we were watching, it was so boring it bled into a mess of noise and color. I didn't mind, I wasn't there to watch TV, I just wanted company.

"Mom," I started during a commercial break, "Jesse and Alex are planning to go to Port Angeles tomorrow night, and I thought about going with them. Just wanted to give you a heads up."

"Jesse Stanley?" she asked, trying to remember.

"And Alex Weber." I sighed, knowing what she was getting at.

"Well, okay," she said softly smiling to herself, before adding "But remember, it's a school night."

"We'll leave right after school so we can get back early. You'll be fine for dinner, right?"

"Of course, Bebe, I've lived this long," she reminded me with an unconvincing look.

I raised my hands in surrender and she simply shook her head and went back to watching TV.

It was sunny once again the next day, and once again I found myself with unfounded hope. I wore a blue V-neck tee shirt and some longer cargo shorts, a winter staple in Phoenix. I prepared for the warmer day ahead in Forks.

I arrived as late as possible to get to class on time, I anxiously scanned the lot for the silver Volvo and was disheartened at the results. Eventually, I parked in a hurry and ran to English, barely making it before the final bell.

Just like the day before Michelle avoided me and I fruitlessly watched Cullen's empty table at lunch and sat alone at my Biology table.

The Port Angeles distraction was at least back on, made even more fun by the fact that Leonard had something else to do.

I was itching to get out of Forks, nothing there but reminders of Edward. I I vowed to myself that I would be in a good mood tonight and not ruin Alex or Jesse's mood, just accept the night as it went. I refused to think that I might be alone in Seattle this weekend, that was out of my hands. Hopefully he wouldn't cancel without at least telling me.

After school, Jesse followed me home in his old white Mercury so that I could ditch my books and truck.

I did a quick spray of cologne and hit my hair with a bit of gel when I was inside, it felt good to go somewhere, to have somewhere to go.

I switched my Velcro wallet from my school bag to my shorts, and ran out to join Jesse, so that we could do the same at Alex's house next.

My heart skipped a beat when we actually drove out of the town limits.