Chapter 5: Facing the Mirror
Star Wars viewing guide: Star Wars: The Clone Wars – S4:E9 "Plan of Dissent" and Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back specifically Luke Skywalker's training on Dagobah.
After my near discovery in the Forbidden Archives, I should have been deterred from further deviant behavior, but I wasn't. I continued to use the Cloak of the Sith, and I used it to continue my access of the Forbidden Archives. With more research, I began to perfect the technique. I learned how to cast the cloak around me in different ways. I could mask myself entirely in the Force, or I could just mask different aspects of myself, such as my emotions. I continued to hide my fears and angers from the Jedi and even from Master Luminara herself.
At first summoning my anger and hatreds felt wrong. But as I continued, I began to understand that these feelings couldn't just be ignored. By bringing them to the surface, I became more aware of them. They were no longer controlling me from the shadows, but I was controlling them, using them to serve me! After a while the Cloak of the Sith became more than a disguise, it became my primary form of meditation.
But as I was beginning to find stability, the galaxy was still at war. "Watch your tail, Commander!" shouted a clone pilot over my comm.
I banked my Delta-7B Jedi Starfighter to the right as a trio of droid tri-fighters fired at me. "Thanks for the warning, Pidge," I said back to the clone pilot. "Any help would be nice."
"Sorry, Commander, I've got a pair myself," replied the clone pilot. Looking to my left, I could see Pidge's Z-95 Headhunter engaging in evasive maneuvers.
"Barriss, turn to three-zero point two-eight," spoke Ahsoka.
"Copy that," I replied. I turned my fighter in the direction that Ahsoka directed. I almost didn't see her Jedi fighter slice past me. I saw two of the three blips on my rear scope disappear. I was certainly grateful for the piloting skills Ahsoka had learned from her master. I reversed thrusters. The last tri-fighter was too busy avoiding Ahsoka to react to my sudden decrease in speed. It flew past me, and with a slight adjustment to my control yoke, I placed the droid fighter in my sights and blasted it into oblivion. I smiled. Perhaps it was inappropriate to take pleasure in destroying the enemy. But these fighters were killing clones and prolonging a war. Besides, they were only droids.
"Thank you, Ahsoka," I said to my fellow padawan. Ahsoka wasn't just a peer. She was becoming a friend. It was as odd of a friendship as it seemed: I the super disciplined student and she the reckless one. But with my recent emotional experiences, maybe we weren't so different.
"Glad you're both clear, Commanders," said the clone pilot Pidge. "If either of you could spare a moment, I having trouble shaking these guys."
"I'm on my way, Pidge," replied Ahsoka. "Barriss, want to fly my wing?"
"Gladly. I'll cover you." Ahsoka led the way and I followed. We cleared the two fighters off Pidge's tail. Then we entered deeper into the battle. We were flying over the shadow world of Umbara. We had punched a hole in their blockade a few days ago and landed ground troops. But since then, the battle in orbit had been fought to a stalemate. The Separatist fleet was larger than the Republic fleet. Worse, a well-guarded supply ship was delivering arms to the capital on the surface, which was preventing the ground forces of Masters Kenobi, Tiin, and Krell from taking the city.
My comm beeped. Apparently, Ashoka received the same call. We both pulled out of the combat and answered the call. A holographic image of Master Luminara from the shoulders up appeared in front of my control yoke. "Barriss, Ahsoka, we have received a transmission from Master Kenobi. He and Master Krell are unable to attack the capital, and communications have broken down between the two of them. I have decided to make another run at the supply ship."
"It's about time," said Ahsoka. "Barriss and I can get through."
"I do not doubt it," said Luminara. "Your master has taught you many valuable piloting skills." I noticed my master's hologram turn a bit to the side as she replied to Ahsoka. Master Luminara was on board her flagship, a Venator cruiser. There at the tactical table she could see both my hologram and Ahsoka's. I could only see her, but I could hear Ahsoka. "However, your fighters won't do enough damage."
The image of Master Luminara changed into a holographic representation of the battle. My master continued. "I will press forward with my cruiser. At the same time a flight of Y-wing bombers will attack." I watched as the arrows appeared to represent the attack wings. "I want the two of you and the fighter wing with you to perform a slash maneuver in front of the Y-wings. That should distract the droid fighters."
"Yes, Master," I replied.
"We're on it, Master," added Ahsoka. I saw a bit of fire come out of Ahsoka's fighter as she accelerated. I put more power into my engines and followed. I ordered the wing of clone Z-95 Headhunters to follow. Our slash maneuver definitely got the attention of the droid fighters, as the Y-wings slipped past untouched. We followed them into the heat of the battle where we were surrounded by Separatist cruisers and fighters, while our own capital ships were far away.
The battle continued. Master Luminara's cruiser attack failed. She pulled back after her Venator received much damage and her support ships were destroyed. She did, however, send in more fighters and bombers. The droid fighters fought back, and they were joined by the unique Umbaran fighters. The Umbaran fighters, flown by real pilots, were far less predictable and more challenging than the droid fighters. And there was an additional problem. When I destroyed one of these fighters, I knew that I had taken the life of its pilot. This was different than destroying droids. Master Luminara would tell me that this was war, and loss of life, although regrettable, was part of war. And these Umbarans were killing clones, both here and on the ground. The more they fought, the more death they brought. As I centered one of the Umbaran fighters in my sights, I felt my anger rise. I indulged that anger as I pressed the firing stud. The green bolts lanced out and destroyed the cockpit of the fighter.
"I'm making a run on the supply ship," said Ahsoka.
"We'll cover you," I replied. I called a few Z-95 fighters to assist me. Ahsoka was leading a group of Y-wings. Until now, we hadn't even made a dent in the supply ship's shields, much less gotten close to destroying it. Any moment now I predicted that Master Luminara would call off the attack and recall all fighters and bombers.
Just as I was about to follow Ahsoka in, I sensed a changed. "Ahsoka, wait!" A great flame came out of the supply ship. The explosion blew its two hemispheres apart.
"What? Who did that?" asked Ahsoka.
"I don't know," I replied. "But I think our mission is accomplished."
"I agree," said Master Luminara. "I don't know who was responsible, but with the supply ship destroyed there is no reason for your presence there. Fall back to the Republic fleet."
"Yes, Master," I replied. "Ahsoka, let's cover the retreat of our clone bombers and fighters."
"You read my mind, Barriss."
It turned out that a trio of clone troopers from the 501st had commandeered some Umbaran fighters and infiltrated the supply ship. They compromised its main reactor and destroyed the ship from the inside. It was an impressive bit of improvisation. Not long afterwards, Master Kenobi and the 212th took the capital on the planet below. The Umbarans made a last-ditch effort to retake an air base controlled by the 501st, but it failed. The Umbarans surrendered. The Separatist fleet in orbit put up more of a fight, but when Master Skywalker returned to the battle with another Republic fleet the Separatist ships retreated. The Battle of Umbara was won.
Master Luminara and I approached Master Skywalker as he arrived on the cruiser in a gunship. Ahsoka approached as well. It was Luminara that spoke first, "Skywalker, what is the situation planet side?"
"Master Kenobi, Master Tiin, and the 212th have the secured the capital. Captain Rex and the 501st are holding their most critical military base."
"And Master Krell?" asked Luminara.
A look of anger came to Skywalker's face. "Krell was a traitor! Rex told me the whole thing. He recklessly threw away clone lives and he even ordered clone units to attack each other. Then he confessed that he was going to betray the Republic, hand Umbara over to the Separatists, and join Dooku."
I was shocked. An active Jedi betraying the Order and the Republic! It was unheard of. Even Dooku had formally left the Order before turning against the Republic.
"The 501st!" exclaimed Ahsoka. "They were left in his command!"
Skywalker's anger returned. "Many of them were killed. Fortunately, through the ingenuity of Captain Rex and a few others, lives were saved." Anakin sighed. "It could have been a lot worse."
"I should have been down there," said Ahsoka.
"I ordered you to stay in the skies," said Skywalker.
"But when you left, I should have landed. Those were my men."
Skywalker's face softened. "Ahsoka, it's not your fault. You did as you were ordered. None of us could have predicted Krell's betrayal." I watched the master and padawan exchange. Skywalker was angry with Krell, and why shouldn't he be. Krell killed his soldiers! Ahsoka was upset as well. She considered many of those clones to be her friends. Yet Skywalker was comforting Ahsoka. Wasn't this compassion?
Master Luminara interrupted the compassionate moment. "Where is Krell now? Is he secure for transport to Coruscant?" she asked. Leave it to Luminara Unduli to destroy a compassionate moment with a practical question. I felt my anger rise. Couldn't she care for just a moment? However, my anger was perfectly hidden behind a stoic face and the Cloak of the Sith.
Skywalker shook his head. "No, he's dead."
"Dead?!" asked Ahsoka.
"His betrayal was too much for the clones," said Skywalker. "One of them snapped and…executed him."
"A shame," said Luminara. "We may have learned much from questioning Krell."
I didn't think it was a shame at all. Krell had betrayed the clones, killing many of them. Wasn't it fitting that he would be taken down by a clone? That seemed like justice to me.
Wait! What was I thinking? I was taking pleasure in the death of another person. Sure, Krell had betrayed us, but vengeance wasn't the Jedi way. We were supposed to respect life in all its forms, even the life of an enemy.
"Captain Rex will write up a full report on our way back to Coruscant. I will present it to the Jedi Council myself," said Skywalker. "Come on, Ahsoka. Let's go get the boys."
"Yes, Master," said Ahsoka. She looked back at me, and I gave her a sympathetic nod. She returned it with a grateful smile. I knew what it was like to lose soldiers. I wanted Ahsoka to know that I cared.
"Barriss," said Luminara. "Go with them. You will be in charge of the air base. Make sure our troops secure it before Skywalker's 501st leaves."
"Yes, Master." And it was back to work: cold, emotionless work.
The holographic image of Master Luminara Unduli flickered before Mace Windu. "So, you think your padawan is ready?"
"I believe she is," replied the Jedi Master. "I mean that not despite her resent struggles, but because of them. Barriss has taken every lesson I've given to her. And when faced with her biggest challenge, she not only preserved but she has excelled."
"Very well," said Mace Windu. "When you returned to the Temple, bring her before us."
Securing Umbara took some time, several weeks in fact. By the time I made it back to Coruscant, Ahsoka and her master were already gone. Apparently, a group of Tagruta colonists had been taken to a Zygerrian slave market. I knew they were Ahsoka's people. First having her battalion ravaged by a traitor, then having her own people enslaved. My heart went out to Ahsoka.
Back in the familiar surroundings of my quarters, I was meditating before my Mirialan idol. Before it lay my lightsaber. I used to meditate using my lightsaber's kyber crystal, but since embracing the Cloak of the Sith the crystal felt different, distant somehow. But now that I had the Cloak of the Sith as a meditation, I didn't really need the kyber crystal anymore.
With the Cloak of the Sith I had found shelter from my fears. And by summoning my angers and hatreds on a regular basis, I strangely found a type of tranquility. Not peace, per se. More like the calm in the middle of the storm. The anger and rage were there, as were all the other emotions, just waiting for the time when I would need them, either to reach out to another in compassion or to strike forward to correct an injustice. Was this not how a Jedi should live?
I sensed my master before she reached my door. I had the time to tighten up my emotional cloak just as I heard the chime. "Enter." The door opened to reveal Master Luminara Unduli. "Master, I wasn't expecting you. Are we needed?"
"The Jedi are always needed," answered Luminara. "Right now, our presence is needed before the Jedi Council."
"For what?" I asked.
"Patience, Padawan," said Luminara. "You will find out soon." Master Luminara was being a bit more crypt than usual. I summoned my lightsaber to my hand, hung it on my belt, and followed Luminara to the lift that brought us to the central spire of the Jedi Temple.
As we entered the Jedi Council chamber, I took a quick scan. About half of the Jedi Council members were present only by hologram, off in various parts of the galaxy fighting the war. Master Obi-Wan Kenobi looked particularly in bad shape, his tunic looking like it had been slashed with some sort of whip. Perhaps the rescue operation of the Togruta colonists hadn't gone so well.
I followed Master Luminara to the center of the circular room, and I stood behind her and to her right as a dutiful padawan should. But unexpectedly Master Luminara ushered me into the middle of the room. Suddenly a panic arose. Had I been found out? Was I here for discipline? Would they expel me from the Jedi Order?
"Venerable Masters of the Jedi Council," began Luminara formally. "I bring to you Padawan Barriss Offee and present her to you for the Jedi Trials."
I looked back at Master Luminara in surprise. The Jedi Trials! The last step before becoming a Jedi Knight!
"How come you to this decision, Master Luminara?" asked Master Yoda.
"Padawan Offee has demonstrated much skill in the Force. She faced the Trial of the Flesh when she confronted death both during the assault on the Geonosian weapons factory and when she was infected by the Geonosian mind worm. She has displayed her courage countless times on the battlefield. But her greatest trial, that of the Spirit, was when she faced her own anger and rage on the battlefield. With little assistance from me, she learned to control her fear and release her anger."
I prevented a shiver. I hadn't actually conquered that last one. Or had I? Wasn't the Cloak of the Sith a real solution?
"We will be the judge," said Master Windu sternly, but I could sense his pleasure. Mace Windu was a more traditional Jedi. He clearly wanted to see the traditional padawan of Luminara Unduli succeed. If only he knew what I have been studying.
"Padawan Offee," said Master Yoda. "Undertake the Jedi Trials will you?"
"Yes, Masters, I will humbly summit myself to the Trials." I bowed before them.
The Trials were grueling. But I found that Master Luminara had prepared me well. It was several days that I spent in them. Finally, there was only one trial left. The Trial of the Spirit. I was in a dark meditation room lit by just a few candles. I was kneeling and sitting back on my legs. Master Mace Windu sat cross-legged before me. "Are you ready, young one?"
"I don't know," I replied honestly. "This trial appears to be very secretive."
"There is reason for that," answered Master Windu. "It is important for each padawan to experience this trial in full in order to find what it holds for them."
"And what will I find?" I asked.
"Only what you take with you," answered Master Windu cryptically.
Then Master Plo Koon entered the room with an object draped in a black cloth.
"What is that?!" I gasped as I sensed darkness from under the cloth.
"An artifact of the Dark Side," said Master Plo Koon in his deep voice. He pulled away the black cloth to reveal a fractured mask. I recognized its design. It was Sith. Likely a mask worn by a Sith Lord killed in the ancient Jedi-Sith wars.
"The Dark Side?" I asked.
"Yes," said Master Windu. "This trial is about confronting the Dark Side. Can you sense it?" asked Master Windu.
"Yes. It feels cold." I almost shivered at the sensation in the Force.
"This is the nature of darkness," said Master Windu. "Without light there is no warmth. There is only the coldness of suffering and despair. This is the darkness you are to confront. We will need you to enter into a deep meditation. I will guide you. Master Plo Koon with stay with you to prevent you from becoming trapped in the darkness. Now, close your eyes, Padawan, and breathe."
I closed my eyes and breathed as instructed. I felt the darkness, the cold. I also felt the guidance of Master Plo Koon. Then my awareness of my surroundings started failing.
I came out of my meditation and found myself sitting next to the Great Uneti Tree in one of the Temple courtyards. "Master Windu? Master Koon?" But the two Jedi masters were nowhere to be found. The courtyard itself was empty. What was going on? Was I done? Did I pass? Then I realized that I hadn't left the meditation at all. This was a Force vision, one the likes of which I had never experienced.
I turned back towards the Great Tree. I could sense its life. The light poured out of it. It was a comforting feeling. It reminded me of my youngling years and even my early padawan years. I would often come out here to meditate. That was before Jedi meditation had failed me. But such meditation had served me so well in the past. The tree was filled with fond memories. I took a moment and breathed in the light. Maybe I was going down the wrong path. Maybe I should return to this simpler time of peace and tranquility.
Then I sensed the darkness. I had never sensed darkness near the Great Tree before. I felt a warning in the Force. I turned around and saw a dark figure approaching. She wore a tight-fitting black outfit. On her head was a hooded cape clasped below her throat. And her face was covered with a mask, not unlike the Sith mask Master Plo Koon had brought. I could sense the Dark Side radiating from her.
I drew my lightsaber and ignited the blue blade before me. The figure grabbed two curved hilt lightsabers from her belt. They matched Luminara's description of Asajj Ventress' lightsabers. Indeed, they ignited red. The figure didn't move and didn't speak. What was I supposed to do? I was supposed to face my darkness. Well, this was darkness.
"Who are you? What are you doing here?" I asked. "Darkness is not permitted in this Temple."
The figure issued a laugh which was muffled by the mask, and I felt the sting. It knew! The Jedi might not have known, but it knew.
Anger rose up in me. I wasn't going to let this figure expose me. "Leave now. Or I will make you leave!"
The figure raised her left-handed lightsaber before her masked face in a salute. I did the same with my blue lightsaber. Then she attacked. She spun low, her two lightsabers like the blades of a propeller. I jumped over the attack. I spun to my left and struck down with two blows: right-to-left and left-to-right. Then I switched to a two-handed grip and held my blade horizontally at head-height to block the two quick blows from my enemy, one from each lightsaber. Then I jumped backwards as my opponent tried a low, lefthanded horizontally slice.
My opponent reset and began pacing counterclockwise around me. I kept my blue blade in front of me with its point directed at this dark figure. She suddenly stopped her pacing and spun in the opposite direction, bringing both her red blades in a heavy horizontal left-to-right swing. I blocked both of them with my lightsaber, and briefly we engaged in a contest of strength as she pressed her two blades against mine. Apparently, when it came to strength, we were evenly matched.
She spun out of the lightsaber lock and swung her left blade at me. I jumped back and out of the way, but she followed with a long reaching thrust of her right blade. I sidestepped the thrust and blocked it holding my blue blade vertically. Then I counterstruck at her back which was exposed by her overcommitment to the thrust. She blocked my counterstrike by holding her left lightsaber high over her head and angling the blade down her back. Before I could react, she aimed a blow right at my head. I was forced to retreat.
Enough defense. I thrust forward, aiming my blade right at her chest. She tried to bring her left blade to block, but I pushed it aside. Then I swung to my left, knocking back her right blade. By keeping her lightsabers out and away from her body I was preventing her from defending her vulnerable center. Her reaction was to backpedal, but I continued advancing. I kept alternating left and right blows, keeping her dangerous red blades away and waiting for my opening to run her through.
Then she performed three backwards cartwheels, her lightsabers scorching the stone floor whenever she put her hands to the ground. Before I could close the gap, she had brought her blades back in to guard her chest. An opportunity was missed, but I would find another one.
The dark figure attacked with many frontal blows. She brought them in from all angles, hoping to overwhelm me. But utilizing the basic Form III defense I was able to effortlessly block the multiple blows. I waited for my opening, and…I struck.
The thrust was a near miss, but it was enough to make my opponent back off. Now I was on the attack again. This time my opponent kept her blades tight in front of her, and I could not find an opening in her defense. I let off my attack, afraid of expending too much energy in a futile effort.
We stood apart for a moment at a brief standstill. Then she approached slowly, slightly crouched and moving leg over leg closer. I backpedaled slowly but allowed her to close the distance. Then she lunged forward. She kept her attacks tight this time, not swinging wildly from the outside. And again, it was fairly easy to defend. I was of course aware that even in such easy combat the slightest mistake could be deadly.
I blocked my center at medium height, then I blocked right. I met my opponent's swing with a swing of my own, right-to-left. Then I aimed a downward hack at her head. She blocked it with both of her lightsabers crossed in front of her. My blue blade was caught in the crossing of her red blades, and I couldn't move it. I tried to bring my left hand in to give me greater strength, but she moved my blade to my right. Then she lifted her left knee into my right hand. My grip on my lightsaber was numbed for a moment, and I dropped the hilt. My opponent hit me with her right elbow under the chin. My mouth slammed shut, and the jarring blow went through my jaw bone and directly to my head. I staggered backwards.
My opponent had deactivated her lightsabers and was now fighting me hand-to-hand. She punched me in the gut, and as I doubled over, she raised her forearm to my chin. Then she hit me with a left hook to the face. I barely kept on my feet. But next came a round house kick. Her booted foot caught me on the left side of my head, and I went down.
I waited for the killing blow, but it didn't come. Dazed, I slowly tried to get up, first to my hands and knees, then just my knees, and finally to my feet. I turned and saw my opponent just standing there, red blades blazing, like she didn't have a care in the world.
She was taunting me! She had me beat, and she knew it! Anger rose inside of me. I gathered it up and unleased it on the dark woman.
She flew backwards as I hit her with a powerful Force push. I summoned my lightsaber to my hand and charged in. My opponent scrambled to her feet and tried to bring her lightsabers into a defensive position. Like before, I prevented her from getting her blades in front of her. But unlike before, I wasn't going to wait for my opportunity. I was going to force my way through her defenses. I attacked in a rage, batting her lightsabers away. I blocked a wild blow from her left lightsaber, and with a flick of the wrist knocked the weapon out of her hand, nearly severing her left hand.
With only one lightsaber, she became easier to fight. I was controlling the battle now. I was forcing her to play the defense I wanted her to play. I was almost dictating her moves for her. Finally, I pushed her lightsaber blade out of position, and I kicked her right in her face mask. I thought I saw the mask slide up off her face as she fell on her back. I stomped on her right hand with my boot, breaking her grip on her lightsaber. Then, standing over her, I aimed the point of my blade at her face and looked her in the eye.
I immediately recoiled three steps. That face! It was… It was… It was…
Me!
My opponent slowly stood up, both red lightsabers returning to her hands. I pointed my blue blade at her but made no attempt at attack. "Who are you?"
"Is it not obvious," she replied with my own voice. It was my voice and my face. She was me. But there was one difference. Her eyes…they were yellow. Only the Sith and powerful darksiders had yellow eyes. "I am you; your darkness at least. I would have thought you would have recognized me. After all, you've been summoning me daily."
"The Cloak of the Sith!" I exclaimed out loud. What had I been doing? I was using the Dark Side. I was giving power to this menace now standing in front of me. "No more," I said. "No more. I am done with the Dark Side. I am done with the Cloak."
"If you give me up, you will be revealed to the Jedi," she said.
"So be it. This is my trial. To face my darkness. I have faced it, and I reject it; I reject you. The masters may hold me back from becoming a Jedi, but maybe it's for the best. Maybe I should be discovered."
My dark-self shook her head. "You and I both know this isn't just about being discovered anymore. It's about who we should be."
"I don't know what you're talking about," I replied.
"You forget who you're talking to!" my opposite raised her voice. "I am you! I am your fear, your anger, your hatred!" Her tone softened. "But also, I am your passion, your fire. It is I who gives you strength. It is I who gives you love. It is I who gives you compassion. Do you really want to give all that up?"
"If it makes me a better Jedi, yes."
"Really? Is that what we really want? We really want to be just like her?" My opposite pointed an accusatory finger to my left.
I followed my opposite's finger. There standing before the Great Tree, seemingly oblivious to our presence, was Master Luminara Unduli.
"Remember the sisters whom she orphaned in the depths of Coruscant," said my opposite.
"She didn't orphan them. That bounty hunter did."
"You don't believe that any more than I do," barked my opposite. "But even if that was the case, what did she do to make their life better? What did she do to offset their loss? What compassion did she offer them?"
I deactivated my lightsaber and bowed my head. "Nothing. She gave them nothing."
"And that's the kind of Jedi that you aspire to be?"
"No," I said forcefully. "I will be better than her. I will be a compassionate Jedi."
"Then you know what you must do," said my dark companion. She extinguished her lefthand lightsaber and held out its hilt.
"I don't understand."
"You cannot be held back by her anymore."
I looked from my dark-self to Master Luminara then back to my dark-self. "What are you asking me to do?"
"You have to kill her."
"What?! No! I'm not going to kill my master!"
My dark-self rolled her eyes. "This isn't real. It is only a meditation. But you have to sever your link to this cold-hearted woman who calls herself 'Master.' Don't worry about the masters sensing you. We are under the Cloak of the Sith. Masters Koon and Windu won't know what is happening here. This is something you have to do. You have to kill her!"
"No," I said. "No, I won't do it."
My dark-self extended her finger towards my right hand, and suddenly my lightsaber reignited. "Then kill me," she said. "You have to make a choice."
"No, I don't," I replied. "You're right. I need you. I need you to become a better, more compassionate Jedi; to be a better Jedi than her." I deactivated my lightsaber and held out my hand. "We can do this together."
My dark-self paused. Then she too deactivated her lightsabers. She hung them on her belt and approached me. She took my outstretched arm. I pulled her close and we rested our foreheads against each other. She was truly a part of me.
But just before the meditation ended, I heard her whisper. "You have to make a choice."
I gasped as my eyes opened. I fell from my knees to the floor. I was back in the meditation room. Master Windu was before me, and Master Koon was behind me. As soon as I saw the masters, I checked the Cloak of the Sith. It had wavered, but it was still there. I focused for a moment and repaired its breaches.
"Padawan Offee," spoke Master Windu. "Are you alright?"
I was breathing heavily, so I started some deep breathing exercises. My breathing calmed and my heartbeat slowed. Finally, I answered Master Windu. "I…I think so."
"Did you confront your darkness?"
I paused before answering. "Yes, I did. It was…it was frightening."
"It often is," said Master Windu. "We don't truly realize the darkness within us until we confront it."
"Yes, Master," I said. "What do I do now?"
"You take this experience with you," said Windu.
"But in the immediate future, I suggest you rest," added Master Koon.
"That sounds good," I said.
"We and the rest of your trial masters will deliberate," said Master Windu. "You will know our decision in the morning."
"Thank you, Masters," was all I said. I was too tired to say much more.
And I certainly didn't want to tell them what I had just experienced.
Master Windu sat cross-legged on a meditation cushion. Master Plo Koon joined him after returning the Sith mask to the Archive of Forbidden Artifacts. "What did you sense in Padawan Offee?" asked the Kel Dor Jedi.
"You want to know what I sensed?" countered Mace Windu. "I sensed almost nothing. It was unlike any Trial of the Spirit that I can recall. How about you?"
"I too sensed very little. However, I was not the one administering the trial."
"Barriss Offee has always been one in control of her feelings," said Mace. "With the exception of a few months ago, she had never had a problem."
"Master Luminara claimed that she had conquered that difficulty," said Plo Koon. "She even compared it to this very trial."
"I suppose it is possible for a padawan to have truly confronted her darkness before the Trial of the Spirit. Her reaction at the end could have just been the trauma of coming out of the meditation. It is not uncommon for a padawan to forget that they are in a meditation."
"Indeed," said Plo Koon. "Yet, I sense indecision in you."
"Perhaps," said Mace. "But we also are in need of more Jedi Knights to fight in this war. Barriss Offee has proven herself time and again as a capable Force wielder and a competent battle commander. And I have no objective reason to fail her in this trial."
"As trial master the decision is yours," said Plo Koon.
"I understand. I will meditate on it tonight," answered Mace Windu.
I stood outside the Jedi Council Chambers alongside Master Luminara Unduli. I was nervous. The Trial of the Spirit had shaken me. Had either Master Windu or Master Koon sensed my struggle? And if they did, would they block my advancement to the rank of Jedi Knight? Would they even throw me out of the Jedi Order?
The door opened to a dark council room. Master Luminara gently pushed me into the room. I stood in the center of the room. The masters present were silhouetted by the lights of the city behind them. The absent ones were present via hologram, but even the normal blue light was subdued. Was this my sentencing?
"Padawan Barriss Offee, you have completed the Trials and have been critiqued and evaluated by this Council," spoke Master Mace Windu ominously. "And the Council has reached its decision."
All the masters, even the holographic ones rose and activated their lightsabers. Master Luminara also ignited her lightsaber. They all took three steps closer to me. I held my breath. Master Windu spoke, "Padawan, submit to the decision of the Council." I knelt down and pulled back my hood, allowing my padawan braid, which I normally had tucked behind my head band and hood, to hang down in front of my right shoulder.
Master Windu stood before me, purple lightsaber humming. He placed the blade of his lightsaber just above my right shoulder, then he moved his blade to my left shoulder, then he finished with the blade above my head. "With the recommendation of your Trial Masters, by the rights of this Jedi Council, and by the will of the Force, Barriss Offee, you may rise." Master Windu moved his lightsaber back to my right shoulder, and then with a flick of his wrist he severed my braid. I watched as it fell to the Council Room floor. "You are now a Knight of the Jedi Order."
The lights of the Council Chamber activated, and the Jedi Masters congratulated me. It was overwhelming. The relief I felt was incredible. Not only did the Masters not sense my struggles, but they were welcoming me into their ranks!
Then Master Luminara picked up my braid and handed it to me. "Congratulations, Barriss Offee, Jedi Knight."
"Thank you, Master," I said with genuine gratitude. She had taught me since I was a child. I owed so much to the Jedi Master before me.
But somewhere, deep within myself, I vowed to be a better Jedi Knight than Luminara Unduli.