Okay, here it comes, the last part of the honeymoon. As promised, this one is again M-rated and almost plotless, but not as naughty as the last one. Back to fluff and romance.
Maybe I am overdoing it, maybe you are slowly getting bored with all the lovey dovey hippy dippy stuff (although I am aware some of you, just like me, won't ever get bored with that) but as this story is slowly coming to an end, I just seem to have a hard time letting it go.
With the next chapter, the main storyline will finally continue. Only a few are left to wrap this up for good. I will try to answer as many open questions as I can and finish most story arcs of the side characters. Honestly, I had so much more planned for the other characters (for example something heartbreaking for Ruth and Daniel, then a little love story for Jeremy, Jared and Greg's adoption process, a deeper dive into Penny's struggles with motherhood and much, much more), but this sequel is already as long as three average novels, so I think it's time to focus on the main couples now and come to an end soon.
I might be revisiting this universe in a few one-shots in the future though. And for those who wanted a continuation of the last chapter: I heard you. The first one-shot will be something similar with reversed roles. I've already started gathering ideas for it and I am having so much fun coming up with scenarios. But it will take time, because I have another project planned in between. Until then, I hope you will enjoy the next few chapters.
Disclaimer for this one: I have no idea if the play that Sheldon and Amy will be watching on their date has ever been played somewhere in East Texas and I couldn't find the information online. But I had to include it, because I just wanted something significant from their canon-honeymoon.
To find a love like ours is rare these days
'Cause you've shown me what happiness is in so many ways
I look in the mirror, and I'm glad to see
Laughter in the eyes where tears used to be
Balancing Heaven and Earth
Chapter 28 – "Your Precious Love"
Sheldon's POV:
"Are you sad because we're going home tomorrow?"
Amy's question caught him by surprise. They had just returned from one of their afternoon walks, and prepared tea to drink on the chaise lounge like they had done every day for the past thirteen days.
Was he sad? He did not know how to respond to that.
"Are… you?", he asked tentatively.
Amy shrugged.
"Yes and no.", she admitted. "I loved getting to spend this time with you for the past two weeks but… I am also… excited to return to our lives. As a married couple."
Sheldon nodded.
"I feel the same way.", he told her. "The past two week have been almost like a dream. Just you and me. 24 hours a day. But I love our reality too much to stay away from it too long."
He opened his arms and Amy snuggled up to him.
Tomorrow, they would be driving back to Medford. They would spend a few weeks with his family. Sheldon was looking forward to it. Especially to getting to spend time with his nephew again.
Next, they would fly out to California to meet with their realtor. They would also meet with their respective colleagues at the university. Discuss the projects they would be doing only months from now.
He was excited to get back to all of it. To his family. To science. To his friends.
But it could wait. Because right now, he was the most excited for spending this last day of their honeymoon here in the little cabin.
"So, do you want to read the next one?", she asked as she ran her fingers over his Green-Lantern-shirt.
He did not have to ask what he meant. This too had become part of their routine. A bittersweet routine.
Over the course of the past 13 days, they had read more than half of Meemaw's entries.
He would always love to think about the first ones and the discovery they had made then.
Back then, on the second day of their honeymoon, Amy had held the journal in her hand as if it was some sort of holy scripture. Which maybe it was. At least for the two of them.
"Ready?", she had asked softly, not knowing what to expect.
"I think so.", Sheldon had told her and wrapped an arm around her waist, seemingly holding his breath as she opened the book.
"Dear Charlie…", Amy had started reading. "Wait. Charlie. That's… her…"
"My Pop-pop.", Sheldon said astounded. "She… addressed her journal to Pop-Pop. As if she was…"
"As if she was talking to him. Telling him about her life."
Sheldon just nodded and held her tighter.
"Dear Charlie.", Amy started again. "Today, a young woman moved into my house. I don't know why I agreed to it. Why would I care if Medford High is getting a new science teacher. Our grandchildren have finished High School a long time ago and none of them have been happy there. But… and you know I blame you… I have been feeling so lonely lately. With every year, more of my friends die of old age. They leave me, Charlie, just as you have left me, and it has become too straining, to go out and meet new people. The prospect of having someone live with me and keep me company was tempting. And that's why this woman, her name is Amy by the way, has now moved into our guest room. She's a quiet little thing, keeping to herself, reading book after book. You would like her, mostly because she would not bother you with small talk. But… and I have no idea why, I have the feeling that there is more to her than she lets on…"
The first few entries all read similar to this one. It felt strange to Amy and to him, almost otherworldly. The way Meemaw described her. So quiet and distant. So guarded and secretive.
But still, Meemaw had never written anything but nice things about Amy. Wondering who she really was. Wondering which secrets she was keeping. Wondering why she seemed so lonely.
And then, there were other entries. About Sheldon, and Connie's worries about him. It was remarkable how similar she had been thinking about both of them from the beginning. And then, a few entries later, Amy had only been living with her for less than a month by that time, there was a line, that made them both gasp.
"Call me crazy, Charlie, but I think the two of them should meet. Something tells me, that they would get along."
Time and time again, it had been astounding to find out how certain Meemaw had been about them.
And so, here they were again. Reading yet another entry together. Reveling in experiencing the private thoughts of the woman they both had loved so much.
This one was about the time, when Meemaw had found out about her cancer. Amy handed the journal to Sheldon. Too painful were those memories for her.
And once again, as so often, Sheldon regretted not having been there. Not having shared this heavy burden.
"Oh, Charlie.", he read. "I am not afraid of dying. I have lived my life. I have done my part. I am only afraid for the people I am leaving behind. What will become of them? Who will watch over them? Have I done enough to ensure that they will be happy? I can only hope so. But in the end, it is not in my hands anymore. All I can hope for is a little more time. A few more joyful choir practices. Maybe another trip or two. Until I may die and reunite with you, my love."
It was bittersweet, reading these words.
"I wish she knew.", Amy whispered softly. "That everything turned out the way she had planned."
"Me too.", he agreed. "But while we cannot tell her… I suppose we are doing a good job, honoring her memory. By being the happiest versions of ourselves. No matter what she has imagined for us… it cannot have been better than what we have now."
Amy swallowed deeply.
"I think, you are right.", she croaked and cuddled up closer to him.
Sheldon put the journal away.
He knew the next entries would be painful. There was no point in reading them now. On the last day of their honeymoon.
"Would you like to stay in tonight after all?", he asked her. "I could call the restaurant and cancel."
It did not seem appealing, leaving the cabin again, now that they were sitting together like this. It was so cozy and warm and comfortable.
"I mean… it would be tempting, just staying here like this.", she admitted. "But… we have planned this for days. And we already have the tickets. We would also have to get groceries for dinner. Plus… it'll still be early when we return."
Amy was right. As usual. And he really had been looking forward to this night for a while.
And so, an hour later, he was sitting across from Amy in the same Grillhouse where they had been on their first date. Enjoying tasty food and a pleasant conversation just like on any other date night. Just like more than a year ago, when they had sat here for the first time.
He smiled to himself. A long time ago, he had thought going on dates would be hard. And unpleasant. And maybe it would be. If it weren't for the fact that he was doing this with Amy.
They walked to theatre then, where they watched a performance of "Harry Potter and the Cursed Child", delighted by the fact that the company's rare visit to Texas coincided with their honeymoon.
He wrapped an arm around her, and she rested her cheek against his as they watched the continuation of the book franchise that they both enjoyed equally. So much, it started to feel like so many of the big events in their relationship were somehow linked to it.
They were still chatting happily on the drive back. Never running out of topics to talk about. Every word she said was fascinating to him.
And finally, they arrived at the cabin again. The cabin that had started to feel like home in a way.
He would definitely miss this place. A lot.
As soon as they entered the house, Sheldon pulled Amy into his arms. He could already feel the minutes ticking away. He wanted to hold each one of them. Make the most of them.
"You look so pretty tonight.", he murmured before he kissed her lips.
He meant it.
Although it did not matter to him what Amy wore, because in his eyes she always looked pretty. In her nightgown, her loungewear, her day-to-day outfits… but he had to admit, he did find her especially beautiful tonight. In her form-fitting, yet modest purple dress with the little flowers and the little knitted bolero she was wearing over it.
As so often, he ingrained the image into his mind. He would add it to the ones he liked to conjure up in his head, whenever he needed something to improve his mood.
"Mhmm…", she hummed. "And you are incredibly handsome. And gallant. And… sexy. I would marry you on the spot, but... oops, too late for that I guess."
He grinned. She was in a flirty mood. And he always loved flirty Amy.
"Sexy, huh?", he said and winked at her. "Let's go to the bedroom and then I can show you how sexy you are to me."
She seemed to tremble at his words.
"You go ahead.", she breathed out and met his lips one more in a kiss that was so short and sweet, it only gave him a taste of what was to come later. "Go use the bathroom first. Then wait for me in bed. I'll be there very soon."
His stomach tightened in response and already he could feel a stirring in his pants.
As much as he loved to drag her to the bedroom and undress her, he also loved this. Waiting for her for a few moments. Letting the anticipation build.
And so, there he was. Stripped down to his underwear. Sitting on the bed, his back leaned against the headboard. Staring at the door, waiting for his lovely wife to begin the celebration of the last night of their honeymoon.
His heart was pounding in his chest, when she walked in.
She wasn't wearing one of her usual nightgowns. Instead… oh, dear Lord…
"Wow…", he breathed out. "You look… very pretty."
"Yeah?", she asked sheepishly.
His cleared his throat as his eyes roamed over her body. So that's what she meant when she had told him, she had bought lingerie for their wedding night.
She was wearing a lacy, white robe that reached her mid-thighs. He could only guess what she was wearing underneath. Her hair was up in a ponytail as she still stood there, seemingly a bit nervous of putting herself on display like that.
"Come here.", he whispered and patted on the bed.
He lifted the cover for her, but to his surprise, she did not sit down next to him.
Instead, she crawled on top of him, and straddled him. Which, he had to admit, was a much better idea anyway.
"Hi.", she said and smiled at him almost shyly.
"Hello.", he answered and licked his lips.
"I feel a bit silly.", she admitted.
"Why?", he wondered.
"Because… this is not our wedding night. I've never worn lingerie in front of you before and… also we've just had two weeks full of amazingly satisfying socially sanctioned lovemaking but… I wanted to wear this, at least one time. And I know, you do not care about clothes or…"
"I love it.", he interrupted her and put his hands on her shoulders, his fingers running over the silky fabric. "You are right, I do not usually care about clothes. You always look beautiful to me. But I love that you are wearing this tonight on the last night of our honeymoon. You are so beautiful, Amy."
A smile spread across her face. "I love you so much, Sheldon.", she murmured and moved forward a little, grazing his lips with hers.
It was true. Over the past two weeks, they had spent so many hours naked in this bed. They had thoroughly enjoyed the fact that it was just the two of them in the middle of nowhere. No family or friends close by to distract or interrupt them.
They had made love slow and gentle as often as they had done it hard and rough. Sometimes they had drawn out the foreplay for hours and sometimes they had hardly made it to the bed. They had discovered each other anew each time and they had experienced more pleasure than he had ever thought possible in a whole lifetime.
And yet, there was something about this night. About seeing her wear the clothes she had intended on wearing on their wedding night. Her body covered in white silk, like a present waiting to be unwrapped.
"I love you too.", he whispered as he tentatively slipped his thumbs underneath her robe, caressing the bare skin of her neck.
Amy released a shuddering breath before she kissed him again.
They were sweet kisses. Her lips meeting his own gently over and over again, while he kept tracing her body with his fingers.
She deepened the kiss just as he untied the knot of her robe. It slid down her shoulders revealing her beautiful body, covered by a short, sheer nightgown that did not leave anything to imagination.
He pulled away for a second to take in her appearance. Her shapely legs next to his body. The goosebumps on her arms. Her round breasts that were moving as she breathed in and out. Her hardened nipples peaking against the fabric.
She was… breathtaking. A Goddess. Or maybe an angel.
No. A vixen.
His vixen.
"Oh, Amy…", he sighed before he kissed her again.
They stayed like this for a long time. Their lips moving together. Tongues brushing against each other. Exploring and tasting without any hurry.
His hands tracing her bare legs, then moving to her behind, tickling her buttocks gently.
Her fingers in his hair, then running over his upper body.
He could have stayed in this moment forever. Just holding her close. Reveling in the love they shared.
However, his body spoke a different language. He did not just love her deeply. He craved her. He desired her. More and more each day.
And so, the next time they came up for air, he slung on of his arms around her midriff and moved his mouth to her neck, lavishing her with hot, wet kisses.
She dipped her head back to give him access and moaned deeply.
He did not stop there. He couldn't.
He moved lower, tracing her clavicles with his tongue before moving down to the valley between her breasts. He was getting heady from her scent and the taste of her skin on his tongue.
"Yes, Sheldon…", he heard her sigh, the tone of her voice almost making him crazy. Even after all this time, it felt like a miracle. The fact that he could do these things to her. The fact that she desired him the way she did.
He pulled at the thin straps of her nightwear and removed them from her shoulders. The dress slid down her body to her hips, revealing her beautiful body to him.
He wanted to draw this out, he did. But he couldn't. Already, his underwear felt painfully tight. He wanted to touch her. He needed to.
Her left arm still around her body, he moved his right hand to her breast, cupping it gently, before moving his head to the same place. He gave it the same attention as he did with her neck before. Showering it with wet kisses that made her squirm. Nibbling at the soft skin around her nipple. Suckling at it gently. Grazing it with his teeth, because he knew she loved when he did this.
"Sh… Shel… oh, Sheldon…", she purred, her voice sounding like a beautiful melody of breathy moans and deep sighs.
She started moving in his lap. Grinding against him. He could feel her hotness even through both their underwear. Her hands, now on his back, were kneading his skin. Urging him on to keep going.
"Oh God, I want you so badly.", she hissed, and he felt himself harden even more at his words.
He couldn't wait any longer. He grasped her nightgown from her hips and pulled it over her head. Then, he hooked his fingers into her white, lacy panties, only admiring them for a second.
"Lift your hips.", he demanded. It took less than a second for Amy to adhere to his command and as soon as she had wiggled out of her underwear, she knelt down next to him and pulled at his boxers.
His erection sprang free, and Sheldon sighed in relief. This was better. So, so much better.
"Now come back here.", he told Amy and extended his hand.
She just looked at him and bit her lip. Her eyes were roaming over his naked form.
Maybe a year ago, it would have made him uncomfortable, being watched like his, but today, he just loved seeing the desire in her eyes as she took in his body. She was licking her lips as if he was some kind of delicious treat.
He knew what she was about to do. He knew he would enjoy it immensely. But… right that moment… he was craving her just too much.
"Come back here.", he repeated and took her hands, pulling her on top of him.
"But…", she protested. "I wanted to…"
"Later.", he promised. "The night is still young. I just… need to be inside of you. Now."
Her cheeks reddened and she moaned deeply before she nodded in agreement. God, she was so adorable when she looked at him like that.
He sat up fully again, straightening his back, before he held her hips and lifted her on his lap again.
Their lips met again, and he could feel her body tremble before she lifted herself up on her knees.
She sank down on him slowly, taking him in inch by inch and it was his turn to moan now.
It was difficult to keep his eyes open as he found himself surrounded by her heat. She felt phenomenal. He would never get used to this. Not in a million years. Not to the indescribable pleasure and even less to the myriad of feelings coursing through him as she shared her body with him.
This union of both their minds and their bodies. It felt heavenly. Nothing else could make him feel so excited and at peace at the same time.
He captured her lips again. Because he had no other choice. He needed to show her, to make her feel, how much he loved her. He needed to be connected to her. Fully.
Slowly, she began moving. Rocking her hips back and forth. Her hands intertwined behind his neck, her body pressed to his.
She kissed him back eagerly. Open-mouthed and hotly. Their tongues meeting, tasting each other over and over.
Sheldon bent his legs to get a little more leverage. He grasped her behind and thrusted up his hips in time with her movements.
It felt so good, he could barely believe it.
"Oooh…", she gasped between kisses. "Oh, Sheldon…"
She seemed almost delirious with want. But then again, so was he. Her body, her movements, the expression in her eyes… he was bewitched by her. Completely besotted.
They were moving slowly. Rocking together. Their bodies rubbing against each other. Staring into each other's eyes, then kissing again.
She moaned with every thrust. Loudly. Wantonly. And when she fell apart, it wasn't sudden like it usually was. The pleasure seemed to be taking her by surprise. Her mouth fell open. Her breath coming out in short puffs as she held on to him tightly.
He tried to help her along, pushing up into her as her own movements stilled and when she collapsed against him, it was the way she moaned his name right into his ear that gave him the push he needed.
"Amy…", he groaned, digging his fingers into her buttocks, pushing up into her shallowly a few times more as he fell over the edge, the pleasure washing over him like a warm summer rain.
It was not the most intense way he had ever made love to her. Not the most explosive way. Not the loudest way either.
But it did not have to be. It was quiet and comfortable. Love pouring from his heart directly into hers. A sense of closeness. Togetherness. A way of showing her how much he was looking forward to a lifetime of holding her and bringing her pleasure.
He fell back against the headboard then, holding her in his arms tightly, cradling her to his chest. His heart still hammering away. She lifted her head and smiled at him lazily, looking as adorable as ever. He just had to kiss her again.
No words were needed. They both knew how the other felt. Completely in love. Deeply sated. Fully satisfied.
At least for now.
"I am really going to miss this place.", she said softly, as they were lying in each other's arms a little later. "I can't believe our honeymoon is already coming to an end."
He shrugged. "Let's just come back again next year and do this all over again."
She looked up at him in surprise.
"Are you serious?"
"Yes.", he nodded. "Here, or some place similar. Let's make it a tradition."
She smiled at him. "What a great idea. I love it."
"Of course you do.", he said. "You love all my ideas."
He meant it. Because who was to say a couple could only go on their honeymoon once in a lifetime? Surely a love like his and Amy's deserved an annual celebration.
Amy snuggled up closer to him and kissed his neck softly.
"Well, here's an idea you might love.", she replied cheekily. "Let's go take a shower together and maybe then, I could do the thing I wanted to do earlier."
A delicious thrill went down his spine.
"I would not be opposed to it.", he replied and winked at her.
And he was sure, she was not opposed to the way he was planning on responding to her initiative.
He grinned wickedly. Oh yes, they would make this last night of their honeymoon truly memorable.
Hours later, Amy was sleeping in his arms as she so often did. Breathing into his chest, her hair sprawled across his body.
Sheldon sighed deeply.
He really would miss being here with her.
And at the same time, he couldn't wait to take her back home.
To start their new lives and see what the future would hold.
As husband and wife.
From now until forever.
Raj's POV:
"Wow, you have so many comic books."
Raj grinned as he watched Joshua go through the stack of comic books he had brought to Texas with him.
Missy was putting her daughter down for a nap, so he and Joshua were sitting in the living room, biding their time.
"Oh, those are just a few of my favorite ones. The ones I like to read while travelling. I have a lot more at home."
The boy's eyes widened.
"Even more? Where do you store them all?"
"Well… some, I have on display at the apartment. Then I have two bookshelves full of them in my bedroom. And some boxes under the bed, others in the basement compartment. And then of course the rarest ones are stored at the bank."
"Wow…", Joshua sighed. "I'm so jealous. And you have action figures too, right?"
"Yes.", Raj nodded.
"Do you play with them?"
"Sometimes.", he shrugged. "But most of them are just decorative."
"Oh boy, if I had action figures, I'd play with them all the time."
"Well, next time when you're visiting, you can play with them.", Raj promised.
The boy looked at him strangely, then took another comic book.
Raj smiled fondly. Staying in Medford for a few days longer had been the best decision he had made in a long time. It felt like forever since he had felt not just welcome but also needed.
And although, of course, he loved every minute he got to spend with Missy, this little boy had grown on him a lot over the past couple of days.
No wonder Sheldon always spoke so highly of his nephew. Joshua really was an incredibly sweet little boy.
"Are you going to marry my mother?", the boy asked, making Raj stare at him in shock.
"W… wh… what are you…"
"Because I think you should.", Joshua continued. "I think you should marry her and then we could all move into your apartment. And this way you would always have someone to play with your action figures with you and read comic books together. Uncle Shelly can come visit too and we can do fun things together, the three of us, when mom and Amy go out together."
There was so much excitement in Joshua's voice. Raj was speechless. He had no idea what to say or how to react.
"Joshua…", he said softly. "This… is not how this works."
Joshua's face fell.
"Don't you like my mom?"
"Of course I like your mom. That's not…"
"Then you don't like me.", the little boy concluded with a hint of sadness in his voice.
"No, no, no, Joshua. Of course I like you. It's just that…"
"It's just… what?", the boy asked, his big blue eyes staring Raj down.
"Look.", Raj said, trying to think of the right words to say. "Your mother and I are friends. Good friends. And… you and I, we can be friends too. You and your Uncle Sheldon can hang out at my place as much as you want. I don't have to marry your mother for that."
"But don't you want to? You love my mother, don't you?"
Raj stopped for a second and looked at the little boy, who's eyes were so full of hope and longing.
This was no joke, he realized. Joshua, the little boy who had seen so much more evil than any kid his age ever should, had made up this image in his mind. Of a happy family. A family he, Raj, was part of.
What was he supposed to say that did not give him false hope but also would not crush him?
"Joshua, your mother… is very important to me. I like her very much. And once you move to California, I hope we all will be seeing each other a lot. And… I will always be there for you. Just as your Uncle Sheldon will always be there for you."
"I see.", the little boy said, his face indecipherable.
"I mean it.", Raj promised. "Whenever you need a ride to the comic book store. Or when you want to borrow an action figure… or if you ever need help at school, or just to talk to someone man to man… you can call me, and I will be there."
"That's nice, but…", the boy huffed. "I want… my mom to be happy again. And she's always happy when you are around. She only used to smile when Uncle Shelly or Aunt Amy were here, but now she smiles because of you."
Raj couldn't help but feel a little bit proud at those words.
"Well, I like making her smile.", he said. "And I will continue to do so."
"But not as her husband.", Joshua said sadly. "Or my Dad."
Dad?
"You… you want me to be…", he stammered.
"My real father does not care about me.", Joshua explained sadly. "So, when Mom got married again, I thought now I'd finally have a father. But he was mean and made her cry. And he did not like me. I wish Uncle Shelly could be my Dad, because I know he loves me, but he can't because he's my Uncle. But you could. If you wanted to."
Raj felt a myriad of emotion well up in his chest. This boy was longing to have a father. A real father. And he deserved one.
So how could he make him understand that maybe, this was not going to happen the way he wanted it to?
"Any man should be proud to have you as a son, Joshua.", he said gently. "You are a wonderful boy. It's just that…"
"It does not work this way.", Joshua continued. "I know. But… just so you know, if you want to marry my mother, then you'd have my blessing."
Raj smiled.
"Okay. Thank you."
A while later, Missy came back to the living room. Mary came home from bible study and the three adults had coffee together while Joshua worked on the homeschooling assignments Amy had prepared for him before the wedding.
Raj's heart felt heavy when he thought about the fact, he would be flying home again only two short days from now. He had come to love being part of this family. And he would miss them dearly.
"So, what are you two doing tonight?", Mary asked at some point. "Will you be going out again? I'd be happy to watch the children."
"Not tonight.", Missy shook her head. "Raj downloaded a movie he wanted me to see, so we're staying here."
"You can join too, Mary.", Raj offered. "I'm sure you would like it too."
Mary declined the offer, stating she was tired and wanted to read instead. Raj's offer to cook dinner for the ladies was declined as well, after all, as Mary stated, he was their guest.
So, a little later, it was just the two of them again. Sitting on the couch, sharing a bowl of popcorn.
Missy seemed quieter than usual. She wasn't commenting on the film. Not even really laughing at the funny parts. And once the movie was over, she turned off the TV, put away the remote and looked at Raj seriously.
"I overheard your conversation with Joshua today.", she admitted. "Not everything, I assume, but… Ellis fell asleep in time for me to hear the ending."
Raj's blood ran cold. Guilt welled up in his chest. He hadn't even thought of telling Missy about this. He wouldn't even have known how to begin.
"Oh.", he said. "Oh, Missy, I am sorry. I did not know how to tell you about it. It… took me by surprise."
"It's fine.", she told him. "It took me by surprise as well. I had no idea Joshua felt this way."
Her voice did not give away any of her thoughts on this matter. And Raj could feel himself starting to get nervous.
"Me neither.", he stammered. "But… I get it. He's been through so much. I wouldn't read too much into it. He just… wants to have a father. Like any boy in his situation would. This is not about me."
"I think it is.", Missy disagreed. "And… it's scary. Joshi is getting… attached to you. He thinks we're… I mean… what if…"
"I'm not going anywhere, Missy.", Raj interrupter her. "I understand your worries about Joshua, I do. With what he's been put through, of course you would worry. But regardless of what will or won't ever happen between you and me, I want to be in your life. Yours and your children's. In any capacity you will have me. I'm not… going any…"
He did not get farther than that. Missy grasped both his cheeks and for a second, Raj wondered if he was dreaming, until he felt her soft lips on his.
His eyes widened and his heart nearly stopped, but after a second, he dared to put one hand on her shoulder and kiss her back.
The things he was feeling in this moment, it was more than he ever imagined. It felt… life-altering. To kiss a woman he had such deep feelings for. No kiss had ever felt this way.
But all too soon, it was all over. Missy pulled away, looking at him like a deer caught in the headlights. And then her eyes filled with tears.
"I… I'm, sorry.", she stuttered. "This was… this is…"
He understood. It was too much for her. Too soon. Too confusing.
"It's okay.", he whispered. "You don't have to explain. It's all good, Missy."
The expression in her eyes softened. She took a deep breath and covered his hand with hers. Even this little touch filled Raj's heart with joy. Knowing she was comfortable enough to allow this closeness.
"I like you, Raj.", she said, chewing on her bottom lip. "I like you a lot. But…"
"I like you too.", he told her. "And you don't have to explain. I know that… you're not ready. It's all good. We can resume our friendship and pretend this did not happen. For however long you need."
"I don't… want to forget.", she said, making his heart flutter in his chest. He had not expected her to say this. "I just…", she continued. "don't know… how to process this, or… if I am capable of…"
He squeezed her hand gently.
"Well, if you really don't want to forget then… maybe we can just… take it step by step. No pressure. I don't want you to do anything you are not ready for. And as I said, I am not going anywhere."
Missy took a deep breath.
"I don't think you realize what you are signing up for here, Raj. I'm… so messed up. Any kind of relationship with me will be… difficult. I've started to work through my trauma but… it's still an uphill climb and… There's so much darkness in me. I don't want to drag you into it, when you've only seen the tip of the iceberg yet."
"Then let me see the rest.", he said softly. "Whatever it is. Whatever darkness you are still working through. Let me share your burden. No matter the state of our relationship. If we are friends or… if maybe one day we can be more… I want to be there for you. For… everything you need. Because I care about you, Missy. Maybe more than I ever cared about anyone."
She seemed to be searching his eyes, trying to figure out if he was genuine.
Finally, she gave him a weak smile.
"Alright.", she nodded.
He breathed out relieved and leaned back on the couch, still holding her hand in his. This was a start. A good start.
"Raj?", she asked silently.
"Yes?"
"Tomorrow… maybe we could… go somewhere. I'd… like to show you something."
She sounded scared and determined at the same time. And although Raj was dying to know what she meant, he knew there was only one possible answer.
"Alright."