Author's note: Thank you for your patience as I unexpectedly couldn't upload last week due to technical difficulties with FF's upload features using my iPad while on a trip! Here is this week's, and the next upload should be between 30 Dec and 03 Jan. Next week's is one I'm REALLY excited to share. Happy Holidays 3
I called Charlie the second we got back to Jake's, my head thankfully far clearer than it had been when I had arrived. He picked up on the second ring. I paused for a moment, wondering if Edward was listening somewhere in the background, without Charlie's and my knowledge.
There was nothing I could do about it if he was.
I told Charlie where I was, bracing for retribution given my recent mostly-lifting of being grounded. It turned out I had nothing to worry about; Charlie practically preened which encouragement when I mentioned Jake's name and at the mention of staying the night to get some time with friends at La Push.
"That's great, Bells," Charlie effused. "That's great that you're getting out of here and expanding – yeah, of course, you should stay the night, no need to stress about coming back too late and then you'll have all tomorrow to hang on the beach. You're about to graduate, you should be enjoying yourself. I'll be out fishing with Billy tomorrow anyway. If we catch something, maybe we can all eat it together."
An instinctual part of my left to be defensive on Edward's behalf, knowing it was desire for me to expand my circle beyond him that drove Charlie's support. I quashed the hypocritical urge and merely thanked Charlie.
Before I hung up, though, Charlie hit me with a brick of paternal supervision.
"On the couch, right?" he asked. "You're staying on the couch?"
I couldn't even contain my groan of embarrassment. "Yes, of course, Dad. They have pullout couch." My eye roll was practically audible through the phone. Damn, I thought, cringing again at the thought of the possibility of Edward listening to this.
After I hung up, my fingers lingered on the phone, hovering over the little 3 that would begin the phone number for the Cullen landline.
I was out on the porch, thanks to the Blacks' new wireless landline. I didn't know how good Jake's werewolf hearing was when he was in his human body, but maybe he couldn't hear me from his place on the couch. Even if he could, what did it matter. I wasn't his anyway, I thought to myself. I was Edward's… I should probably call him.
The heavy weight of that unconscious thought slammed into me. I was Edward's? Where did that come from?
No. I damn well was not. I was not anyone's.
And this wasn't like when Edward left me. He knew exactly where I was, and that I was safe at La Push, and when I'd be back, and that I still loved him. I swallowed a bit at the last thought, but it was true; I hadn't told him he was no good for me. I had merely said I needed a little space. He knew I would be back at school on Monday. Waiting won't kill him, I thought. I smiled bitterly at my the accidental joke.
I resolved to put the phone back before I could change my mind. I jumped to my feet and hurried back indoors, crossing the tiny kitchen to return the phone to its cradle with a few quick steps. It was all I could do not to slam it down. As I turned back to the living room part of the space, where Jake and Billy were watching tv, I realized I was not the only one frustrated.
Billy's expression was intense, Jake's jaw set as he stared at the tv. A lingering tension rolled through the room from whatever conversation I seemed to have interrupted.
"Right, well, I'm off to bed. Early morning fishing with Charlie," Billy declared as he wheeled himself away from the couch. "Bella, we've pulled out the spare sheets, Jake can help you make the bed." He gestured at the linens stacked on the small chair in the corner of the combined living room/kitchen. "I think Rachel or Rebecca still have some clothes somewhere, Jake can help you find some pajamas."
I thanked him, and Billy gave Jake an awkward sitting hug over the back of the couch, and then rolled himself to the hallway that led to the bathroom and small bedrooms. The hall was just wide enough for his chair.
Billy paused there a moment and looked over his shoulder to me.
"Bella, at the risk of sounding too much like a dad, I'm glad you're here. I want you to know you're welcome any time." Billy's tone was calm and confident, and he did not break eye contact.
A wave of unexpected emotion radiated through me. I blinked.
"Thank you, Billy." I blinked again at the sting that was pricking my eyes. Billy nodded and rolled away, and I turned back to Jake, who was watching me with a thoughtful expression.
"Get up, big guy. You're on my bed," I said, reaching down from where I stood behind the couch to playfully push Jake's shoulders off the back of the couch and push him off it. My shove did nothing; he may as well have been a boulder.
Jake's thoughtful gaze quickly became a smirk, and he laughed as he jumped up and moved to pull off the cushions. He passed the worn fabric cushions to me one by one for me to stack behind the couch.
"So, Bells," Jake began. I groaned internally. I recognized that too-casual.
"Hmm?" I asked casually, moving to the corner where they'd stacked the linen.
"Bells," Jake said more softly. I didn't turn around, instead reaching for one of the thin pillows and its matching pillowcase.
"What did he do? Did he leave again?" Jake's voice was tight with emotion. I heard worry, and controlled anger.
I kept my eyes on the pillow I was wrestling into its case.
"No," I said. "I did."
I didn't turn around to bother seeing Jake's reaction to that. After a moment, I heard the rusty groan of Jake lifting the pull out bed from the couch.
"I didn't really leave him," I corrected myself. "I'm going to go back. I can't not go back. He's all I have and…" I swallowed. "And I love him." God, the biggest understatement imaginable. But I wasn't about to make Jake gag by saying what I was really thinking: He's my soulmate. He's my fate. He's my everything.
I searched for words that would be true without getting into the lie I had discovered. I didn't want to tell Jake that I had learned my boyfriend had been lying to me for months. I didn't want his judgement. I didn't need a third person in my relationship. But I knew I owed him some information.
"It's not… so easy… to fit us back together after what he did. I needed some time. To forgive him, I guess," I said, reaching for the other pillow, pulling my bottom lip between my teeth as I worried.
"There's more, isn't there?" Jake prompted. "You can tell me." He moved next to me and reached around me for the fitted sheet, then turned around to begin stretching it around the mattress. I turned to help.
"Jake, I think… I think maybe this is everything you need to know."
Jake's eyes snapped up at that, his expression one of unmistakable hurt.
I held up my hands.
"Think about it, Jake. Do you really want to be involved in this? To be dragged in between this human-vampire relationship? Is that really what is good for you? Or me? Two in a relationship is enough, Jake. I've already dragged you into this where I shouldn't have. I don't need an arbiter of my relationship. I just need… I just need a friend. I need you to be my brother, Jacob. Not my relationship counsellor."
Jake opened his mouth, and I could see from his reluctance that he was going to pry again. His instinct to protect me was too strong, too well honed after months of him seeing me at my weakest.
"Did you mean it, today, about being in Human Bella's corner?" I asked.
If the seeming non sequitur, surprised him, he didn't show it. "Yes, of course," he said simply.
"This is like that," I replied. "I don't need you involved on the vampire side of things… I just need you backing up Human Bella. I need you in her corner. Not in the ring between me and the vamps." I swallowed. The truth was, I wasn't sure how I felt about Human Bella, or what I was asking Jake for here. But I at least knew this redirection would get his focus off my vampire relationships. And maybe it would let me keep a slice of the friendship we had built over the last few months.
A broad grin spread over Jake's expression, wider than I expected. I realized with a start how my metaphor might have sounded - like I was fighting the vampires. Oh, man, not what I had meant.
"You got it," Jake said, straightening to his full massive height. "Team Human Bella, assembled."
The next morning was quiet. I was dimly aware of the sounds of Billy rolling out of the house while it was still dark, but fell back asleep easily. Still, it seemed I was awake well before Jake and helped myself guiltily to some cereal, feeling like a thief as I raided their kitchen. I promised myself I'd bring some baked goods next time as a thank you.
After I ate, I grabbed my school backpack and rummaged around. I had a pair of emergency spare underwear in my little period supplies bag, which would make changing back into my clothes from yesterday more bearable. Still, as I used the Blacks' toothpaste to brush my teeth with my finger, my unplanned flight felt a little childish. As I walked back to the kitchen area, I paused for a moment outside Jake's room. The door was fit poorly, leaving a small slit there which I could just make out a sprawling body completely covering a too-small bed.
My next search through the backpack was for a distraction. I winced when I saw the little plastic folder of college applications that Edward and I had been working through. I had been working on applications to schools that accepted late submissions to appease him and Charlie, but none of them really appealed to me. The whole exercise had felt moot anyway; my plan was to be a vampire by the time the school year came around.
A pang of anxiety twisted in my stomach. I had just weeks till graduation, and I had no clue what my plan was next.
I reached for my Physics homework instead, letting Ohm's law that I barely understood distract me.
Around 11am I started to get a bit worried that Jake might actually be dead in his room. But just as I as debating rousing him, I heard the creak of bed springs and a tired groan as he eased the door open.
"Morning, sleepyhead," I teased. "You're the stereotype of the lazy teenager."
Jake laughed, his throat still thick and rough with sleep. "Not lazy," he said tiredly. "Was on patrol from midnight to four."
I stilled.
"What?" I said. "Why didn't you say something?"
Jake shrugged. "We always run patrol," he said casually, reaching for the toast that had just popped out of the toaster.
That was true, I knew, but I wondered…
"Victoria?" I asked. "Have you seen her recently? Or are you worried that, with me here, she'll come?" Fresh guilt and fear bloomed through me.
"Hey, Bella, calm down." Jake said, eyes wide as he took in the beginnings of my panic. "None of us have smelled freaky redhead recently. We always run patrol. It's our job to protect La Push, remember?"
There was something about his too-casual tone, though…
"Swear you'll tell me."
"What?" Jake asked around a mouthful of toast.
"Swear you'll tell me, if you do see any trace of her. Swear you won't lie to me to protect me." My voice wavered with emotion, but it was loud and forceful in the small kitchen. I wouldn't accept more lies.
"Um… sure, fine. That's fair enough," said Jake, looking mystified. He turned back to the second piece of toast and began slathering an ungodly amount of peanut butter on it.
I let out a deep breath of air. My anxiety was pushed back by a new emotion. Was it… pride?
It had been such a simple thing to tell Jake what I needed. He had agreed easily.
I had spoken up. I felt a little surprised and pleased with myself.
I returned to my homework while Jake wolfed down what seemed to be half a loaf of bread. He flopped on the couch and we sat in the little room in comfortable silence until Billy returned.
Billy came by around noon accompanied by Charlie and by two big fish, which they proudly displayed, seeming to expect Jake and I to "ooh" and "ah" over their catch. I did not oblige, but I did offer to fry them up if Charlie cleaned and cut them for me. Jake found some frozen French fries buried in the freezer, and Billy made a tartar sauce. Soon, we were all gathered around the little table, scarfing down fish and chips. Jake ate as much as the rest of us combined, which impressed me given I'd watched him eat half a loaf of broad with a jar of peanut butter for breakfast.
Lunch was nice, easy. Charlie and I were quiet, so Billy and Jake filled most of the conversation, telling easy jokes and stories.
It took a surprisingly long time to clean up the tiny kitchen, but eventually we had it reset. Charlie departed, promising me it didn't matter if I came back this evening or tomorrow afternoon. "So long as you get your homework done," he added solemnly, but I could tell it was an afterthought. My teenage instincts rebelled a bit at knowing I was doing exactly what my over-involved dad seemed to want, but I couldn't deny that I may not be ready to leave La Push yet.
It was childish and avoidant of me, but while I was here, I didn't have to think about rebuilding with Edward. I knew as I soon as I went back, as soon as I saw him, I would forgive him. It was inevitable, surely. It was like he had said about himself after Italy: I wasn't strong enough to stay away.
The clouds parted just after lunch, and Jake suggested another walk on the beach. We moved slowly, Jake watching the ground for large clamshells that he could send flying high over the waves, so they seemed to hover . He tried to show me how to do it, but I couldn't get the speed required. On my fifth failed attempt, I turned to see Jake watching me thoughtfully.
"What?" I asked.
"You're a really terrible throw," Jake replied frankly.
"Oh, no, I had no idea. Here I thought I might one day have a career with the Mariners."
Jake snorted, but continued to watch me.
"What are you going to do when you go back?" he asked.
I stiffened.
"Not my counsellor, Jake," I reminded him.
He held up his hands. "Fine, fair enough," he said. "But I actually meant, you're graduating school, soon, right? Have you decided what you're doing next."
I rolled my eyes. "The future talk, really, Jake? That's not like you."
He laughed again. "No, you're right. But I was thinking while I was on patrol last night - you know, lots of time to kill, when you're just running in circles in the woods," he said solemnly. "I was thinking more about what we said, about being on your team. I have an idea…"
"BELLA!" came a shout down the beach, interrupting Jake.
I whipped my head around quickly, heart stuttering, instinctually turning and flinching.
"Relax, Bells, it's just Quil and Embry," Jake said with a soft chuckle. His tone was gentle, but he looked surprised at how startled I'd been. I nodded and lowered my hands, managing a weak laugh at my overreaction.
"Bella!" Quil called when he was closer. "Good to see you back here. Thought for a while your blood sucker was keeping you hostage."
"Yeah, Jake started planning a rescue mission and everything," Emory laughed. I laughed at the joke, but when looked to Jake, he winced. I wasn't sure if they were joking or not.
And the truth was, I had run away from Edward. Did that make me his hostage? Surely not… Before I had to reply, though, Quil continued.
"Come on up to Emily's house, there's something you'll want to see," Quil said with a smile.
"Oh, guys, I don't know if I'm in the mood for the big group today," I replied. Jake and Emory shared a smirk.
"No, they're right. Emily will kill us if she knew you were here and didn't go see her. It won't take long - even accounting for your snail pace." Jake laughed, and I playfully punched him in the shoulder.
"Fine. Lead the way," I agreed. We walked up the beach and cut only a winding path that apparently was a shortcut to the little cottage. The boys ribbed each other on the way up, Jake taking the brunt of their jokes but dishing them back easily. As usual, I was quiet, but I appreciated basking in the obvious warmth between their easy friendship.
—
Twenty minutes later, we were bursting into the little cabin. Sam was lounging at the dining room table in the overtrumped kitchen and looked up, surprise coloring his features when he noticed me. Emily was standing by the open the fridge door, apparently rustling around its contents.
"Emily!" Quil called. "We brought you a present."
Emily stood up behind the open fridge door. "Bella!" She cried. "I'm so happy you're here. We were starting to wonder if you'd forgotten us." I pang of guilt ran through me, but I didn't have to force my answering smile at her genuine enthusiasm at seeing me.
"I've been really busy with school - not that Jake and Embry would get that. Truants!" I quipped, playfully punching Embry on the shoulder. It was like punching a mound of earth.
Emily's light laugh and Sam's deep chuckle filled the cabin. It felt as warm and cozy as I remembered.
"Well, I heard you have a surprise for me!" I prompted. "What is it?"
Emily smiled as she closed the fridge door. Despite the long scar, she looked beautiful. Her twisted smile was wide as she reached around the door and plucked a small black square off the front of it. She handed it to Sam and motioned for him to pass it to me.
My jaw dropped when I saw what it was.
"Holy shit!" I exclaimed. Jake erupted in laughter, but I continued to stare at the little black square. Because it had a tiny little white human-shaped smudge in it, and when I looked up, Emily had tucked her loose dress around her and I could make out a subtle but clear bump.
"Holy SHIT!" I repeated. "Congratulations!" Without thinking I rushed over to hug Sam and, more gently, Emily. Sam seemed startled but returned my hug easily.
"But how… last time I saw you, you didn't have this!" I said. Emily laughed.
"Yeah, I was almost at 12 weeks when…" Emily trailed off awkwardly, and I knew she didn't know how to address my run to Italy. I hadn't been back to the rez since. "Well, you can tell people around 12 weeks, so we hadn't really told anyone up till then, and now in the last 4 weeks the bump has just grown really quickly, it's crazy."
"Wow, that's incredible, really. Congrats, guys," I said, a bit awkwardly now, because I wasn't really sure what else to say. Luckily, the other boys took over then, clamoring for food, ribbing Sam about what kind of dad he'd be, and planning patrols. I was able to sit quietly, half listening and half absorbed in my thoughts.
Emily and Sam had always seemed older than us, but I still thought of them as pseudo-peers. It made my mind reel to imagine a peer of mine having children. We were still children ourselves, right? It felt so… permanent.
The irony of the thought hit me in the head like a hammer. Wasn't I desperately trying to make an even more permanent decision, in wanting to be changed? No, I wouldn't let myself think of Edward now. I forced myself to clear my thoughts. I focused on the jokes being passed, the warmth passing between Emily and Sam which permeated the whole kitchen and set us all smiling.
Just as I was starting to relax, a bang at the door made me stiffen and yelp. Jake laughed, putting one hand on my shoulder in a reassuring pat, and as I registered it was just Jared at the door, I feebly attempted to laugh it off, like with the jump scare from Quil and Embry earlier. Fortunately, Sam redirected the group's attention to Jared.
"Report?" he asked sharply. I realized then that Jared had a serious look to him.
"Everything's fine. Paul took over for the next shift, all good. But there was a scent we caught on our last pass. We barely noticed it, it was far enough on the other side of the border. I think we only caught it only on our last pass because the wind had shifted by then, so I'm not sure how long it was there for - " Sam stood up quickly, and Jared held up his hand. "No one crossed, it was well on the other side of the border. But I think just to be safe, another should go out for the night. And I was going to suggest we have Jake call Bella to ask about it, but, well…" he gestured at me, as if to say, here she is.
My eyes widened. Victoria "Was it female?" My wide eyes moved quickly to Jake, who was also already on his feet. Or if it wasn't Victoria… I still hadn't told him anything about my own promise to the Volturi, or that they may come from me.
Jared kept his gaze and answers directed to Sam, but shook his head in answer to my question. "No, we recognized the scent. We know to raise the alarm immediately if it was a stranger. Really, I don't think it's anything to worry about, you know Paul." We recognized the scent. That had to mean…
"Which one?" Jake asked.
Jared laughed darkly. "She's here. Who do you think?"
"Edward," I breathed.
All eyes in the cabin swiveled to me. Jake pushed the chair between us out of the way and kneeled to meet me at eye level.
"Bella," Jake said. "Do you know what's going on? Are the Cullens okay?"
Oh god, was I really going to get into this in front of everyone? This was so embarrassing. A tense silence filled the cabin while every member waited for me to speak.
"Edward and I fought," I whispered, looking down at Jake's hands as I fought to keep my voice steady. I saw everyone stiffen, and I remembered that to them, Edward was dangerous. I spoke quickly, realizing I needed to clarify.
"I was mad at him, he wasn't fighting with me, I swear. But I… I just started to feel like I needed some space and, and some friendship I guess, so I came here. I told him I was coming here and I told him I'd be back, that I just needed a little space."
Embry laughed. "So you decided to use the reservation as your personal fortress?" I couldn't tell if he sounded amused, annoyed, or impressed.
Jake opened his mouth to retort, but it was Sam who spoke first. "Bella, you are a friend to many of us. You are always welcome here, and this will always be a sanctuary from all vampires."
I nodded my thanks, still focusing all my attention on Jake's hands in an effort not to begin crying. I saw Jake's head turn in the direction of Sam. They must have shared a look, because a moment later, Jake spoke softly to me.
"Bella, do you think that there's any risk the Cullens try to cross the border to come and get you?" Jake asked.
I gasped. Carlisle would never, but Edward by himself… I think about his rash reaction to Rosalie's phone call. If Edward is that desperate… I looked around the kitchen at Quil, Embry, and Jared's stern expressions. To them, Edward was still an enemy. If he tried to cross the border, it would lead to a fight. And I was sure Alice wouldn't be far behind.
"I have to go to the border," I said. "The longer I'm here, the more anxious he'll get." I raised my eyes to meet Sam's. "I'm so, so, sorry. I did not think for a second that he would come looking for me. He knows I'm here willingly, and I don't think he'll come through, but we can't risk it." Jake gripped my wrists protectively.
"I was going to go back in a few hours, anyway," I said to Jake. Jake looked at me cautiously, and probably trying to guess what happened between Edward and me. Rather than ask about that in front of our audience, though, he said carefully, "Are you sure it's safe for you to go back home? You can stay here as long as you want, you know. We can figure out an excuse for Charlie."
I laughed. "I'm not in danger, I swear. This wasn't that kind of running away. It's just a fight… couples have those, right?" Jake looked uncertain, but I continued, "I promise, it's probably nothing. He's probably not even at the border. And if he is, he won't cross once I'm back across I'll cross the border and be back at home to call you within an hour. If I'm not back by then, you can start panicking. Got it?"
"Fine, but if he hurts you…" Jake reached his long arms around me, pulling me into a hug. It was awkward, with me still on the chair and him kneeling in front, but it felt so safe. Brotherly. After a moment, I stand and rush to the door to grab my shoes. The others start to plan.
"Jared and Embry, you join Paul at the border." Jake ordered. I started, and Jake directed his next words to me. "Just in case," he amended. "I'll get Bella back to grab her truck and then meet you there. Quil, you go back to my place and wait in case Bella calls early." Jake's eyes moved to Sam's, and Sam nodded with something like pride in his eyes.
"Good," Sam said. I was already at the door with both shoes on, lacing my shoelaces as fast as I could. "As long as I don't hear the alarm, I'll phase in an hour to check in." I remembered Emily then, and I looked to her in the small doorway that led to their little bedroom. Her face looked tense and anxious.
"I'm so sorry to leave like this," I called to her, one foot already out the door. "It was so good to see you, and I promise I won't wait so long till next time."
Emily nodded and held her hands protectively over stomach. "Next weekend," she replied. "Promise you'll come visit us again next weekend, if you don't get here sooner. I don't want to worry about you."
Without thinking about it, I nodded. Fine; whatever it took to get moving quickly. Jake rushed us forward, bustling me out into the clearing and towards the path that led to Billy's house. I heard Emory and Jared heavy footsteps come out the door behind us and go the opposite direction, into the cover of the trees. A minute later I heard a wolf's snarl from the spot they moved towards, and I suppressed a shudder of fear as I followed Jake, hoping all this was just for a false alarm