28 weeks pregnant
"Your child has the hiccups."
Emma looked up from the game she was playing on her phone, meeting Regina's gaze over her crossword book.
"Okay…"
"Fix it."
Emma grinned. Regina was feeling playful. Emma loved it when Regina felt playful.
"Oh?" she asked, putting down her phone and crawling over to the other end of the couch where Regina sat. "How should I do that?"
Regina shrugged, looking back down at her crossword.
"That is not my problem to solve. It's yours."
Emma chuckled, resting her palm on Regina's belly, warmth flooding her when she felt it jump beneath her hand. Her eyes drifted back up to Regina's, whose eyebrow was raised as she bit back a smile.
"Hiccups."
"Mhmm," Regina confirmed, pen moving to paper as she filled in another word. "The baby has had them for some time and, if our child is anything like me, is completely miserable. Fix it."
"I don't think I've ever seen you have the hiccups now that you mention it," Emma mused.
"You have not."
"Why not?"
Regina looked up over her glasses. She always magically froze her diaphragm any time she felt the hiccups starting, but Emma needn't know that.
"You have no business looking that fucking sexy, Mayor Mills."
Regina snorted.
"You need to get out more."
"No, I think I need to get in more, if you catch my drift," Emma teased, nudging Regina's elbow.
"You'll be getting in no one's drift if you don't fix your child's problem."
"Our child."
Regina stared at her pointedly.
"Okay, but seriously. How am I supposed to stop hiccups for a baby that isn't even born yet?"
"Like I said-"
"Yeah, yeah. Not your problem," Emma repeated, scratching the back of her head. "Should I scare it?"
Regina's eyes narrowed.
"Scare my child and it'll be the last thing you do, Miss Swan."
"Oh, now it's your child."
Regina continued glaring at her.
"You know, it makes me weirdly horny when you look that scary and that's probably something to visit with my therapist."
Regina rolled her eyes.
"Alright. No scaring. I could just pump you with sugar. Maybe that'll help. Or, what if you hold your breath?"
"And starve our child of oxygen so that it matches your IQ? I don't think so."
Emma started laughing, head falling to Regina's belly as she giggled against her. She continued laughing, her stomach warming considerably when an affectionate hand began stroking at her hair.
"You're such an asshole."
"I'm aware."
Emma shook her head, turning to look up at Regina.
"Why do I put up with you?"
"Because when you're a good girl, I fuck you until you see stars."
Emma groaned, once again burying her face in Regina's belly. The way those words made her body react truly was unfair. Deciding that she really needed to steer this conversation back to safer topics, Emma turned her head and kissed Regina's belly.
Another hiccup.
"Alright, baby. What seems to be the problem around here? You have the hiccups? Is your mother drinking again? Just say the word, and I'll handcuff her right now."
"In your dreams, Sherriff Swan."
"Oh, you're damn right," Emma teased, looking up at Regina. "In my best dreams."
So much for steering the conversation back to safer topics.
"And in your dreams, that idea shall remain."
"You really wouldn't wanna use handcuffs?"
Regina narrowed her eyes.
"You are supposed to be figuring out how to cease our child's hiccups."
Regina's response told Emma exactly what she needed to know.
She grinned to herself.
"Alright," she finally said, grabbing her phone and typing in the search bar. "What does the internet tell me we should do?"
Emma clicked on the first link, scrolling through until she found the list of suggestions.
"Number 1, handcuff your pregnant girlfriend and lick her clit 'til she screams," Emma 'read' from the screen, glancing up at Regina in mock surprise. "Well, shit. What do you know?"
Regina shook her head, though it took every ounce of her control not to laugh. Gods, it was ridiculous how much she adored this woman. She reached out and flicked her nose in response.
"Hey! I'm working on solving our child's problem."
"Not very well," Regina observed, rubbing her belly where she could feel the baby moving.
Another hiccup.
"When have you known me to work well?"
"True. Remind me again how you manage to keep your job?"
"Boss has the hots for me. She keeps me around for my charming good looks."
Emma looked back at the screen, Regina playfully tugging on her hair in response, belly warming when Emma let out a giggle. Regina allowed her expression to soften now that her lover wasn't looking at her, eyes drinking in every inch of Emma's face. She adored the look of Emma's soft features, her expressive green eyes, her delicate nose and flawless skin. She really was exceptionally beautiful. Regina's eyes drifted up slightly, settling on Emma's hair. She hoped this child, at the very least, got Emma's perfect blond curls.
Despite not being biologically related, Henry's hair was quite similar to her own, and he seemed to have adopted her smile as well. He had inherited Emma's stunning green eyes, however, and that fact had been incredibly disconcerting the first time she'd met Emma, immediately recognising her son's eyes in the stranger before her. Now, it warmed her to see the similarities between them. He was the perfect balance of them both, clean and organised like she was, but kind, giving, playful, and teasing, just like his birth mother. He also shared her incredibly kind heart, her gentle soul, and Regina sincerely hoped this baby shared that trait with them.
Regina stroked her fingers through Emma's soft locks, heart fluttering at the smile it pulled from her lover's lips. Emma's head turned towards her subconsciously, and she reveled in it. She loved the way Emma sought out her touch, even when she wasn't aware of it. She loved the way Emma would reach out at night and yank Regina to her, wrapping her arms around her like an octopus. There had been more than one night that Regina had been startled awake, suddenly finding she was sliding back along the mattress and then enveloped in strong arms. At first, it had been startling, Regina unused to her sleep being disturbed in such a manner. Now, it simply made her chuckle (and then smile happily when Emma's warm body was pressed up against her back).
Regina watched Emma's eyes scan over the page before she frowned and raised her hand to the screen, swiping at it, clearly unhappy with the information she'd read. The truth was, Regina had pulled Emma into this task because she'd wanted her attention. Emma had been consumed by her phone, by the game she'd been playing, and Regina had found that she was feeling neglected (as ridiculous as it was). The way that Emma had immediately put down her phone and focused entirely on her had warmed her though, in a way that made her want to grab Emma's collar and shove her tongue down her throat.
She'd feigned disinterest instead, wanting to tease Emma, to play a little, so she'd turned back to the crossword puzzle she'd only been half-doing before Emma had crawled her way. But, her belly fluttered when Emma made her way over and engaged with her, and it had nothing to do with their baby and its battle with the hiccups.
"Alright, well. Most of what I'm reading is really unhelpful. It's basically saying to just embrace it. I mean, some gave ideas like to walk around or drink water but…"
"Emma, you are the Saviour. Save your child."
Emma reached up and tugged the hand that was in her hair down to her lips, chuckling into Regina's palm. She then turned her head, pressing an apologetic kiss to Regina's stomach.
"I don't think I can save you this time, baby. Sorry about your luck."
Regina heaved a dramatic sigh.
"Our poor child," Regina looked down at her belly as she spoke to it. "I'm sorry, child of mine. It seems you're stuck with these hiccups… I know. I know. It's not fair, but it's far too late now to change our minds. We can't exchange her for another Saviour. She's the one who got me pregnant, and now we're stuck with her and these hiccups. I suppose we'll have to learn to live with it."
Emma kept Regina's hand pressed to her cheek, using it to hide her face. She knew that Regina was teasing. She knew that she was joking. She could hear it in her voice that she was teasing. And she knew that Regina loved her. She showed her every day that she loved her.
But.
But.
But those words, the implication of what they hinted at, that perhaps, given the option, Regina would want to replace her. That she would choose differently. That Emma wasn't enough… The words made Emma swallow heavily, the weight of them travelling down her chest and settling uncomfortably behind her ribs. She could feel her stomach turn at the thought that Regina would replace her, that she'd give her back, that she didn't want her. Emma felt like she needed to escape. She needed to get away and think. She couldn't breathe. She needed to get out.
"I'll go get that glass of water. Maybe it'll help after all."
Regina frowned when Emma suddenly shot up, her head tilting in concern as she watched the blonde all but run out of the living room. She opened her mouth to call out to Emma, letting out a small 'oof' instead when she felt a sharp kick to her belly.
"Oh, baby. That wasn't very kind," Regina reprimanded gently, rubbing where the baby lay, eyes still on the door.
Emma made her way to the kitchen, inhaling deeply through her nose and slowly out of her mouth. She had no idea why she was suddenly so sensitive. Regina always teased her. Regina called her an idiot regularly, and it made Emma laugh. It always made her laugh. It never hurt her feelings. That was their 'thing'. They teased each other, and Emma loved it. Normally. But this time, even just the joke, the teasing mention that Regina would have chosen differently- But she wouldn't. She loves you. She would choose you again.
"…we're stuck with her."
But, that was also kind of true, wasn't it? Her mind suddenly pointed out. Regina hadn't had a choice. She had gotten stuck with Emma. Emma had gotten her pregnant pretty much immediately, after the first or the second time they'd slept together. Before they'd even had a date. Before Regina had even had the chance to consider if she actually liked being with Emma. And definitely before being able to contemplate if sharing a life with Emma was something she wanted.
They'd slept together twice. Regina had gotten pregnant. Then they'd sort of broken up, but they'd gotten back together. Was it because Regina had wanted to or solely because she was pregnant? Had she been second guessing her decision to be with Emma? Was it in the back of her mind, even just secretly? Did she feel like she settled? Did she feel like she wanted more? Wanted better than Emma?
Emma gripped the counter, focusing on breathing, trying hard to ignore the thoughts swirling in her mind. She pressed down on the marble surface until her nails turned white, until her fingers hurt from the amount of pressure she was exerting on them. The pain felt good; it grounded her. And right now, that was exactly what she needed. She couldn't spiral. She needed to think.
She wanted Regina, of that, she was certain. Whether she'd have gotten pregnant or not, Emma would want to be with Regina. And Regina… well, she loved Emma. Emma was sure of it. But, with the way things had played out, Regina didn't really have much of an alternative, did she? And after they'd gotten back together, they had immediately jumped into planning to raise this baby together in their house. Regina's house? Was it their house?
Regina hadn't even 'officially' asked Emma to move in. Emma's stuff had just… gradually found its way to Regina's. And it hadn't been difficult either. Emma hadn't had many things to begin with, used to being a minimalist should the current home in which she found herself decide they didn't want her anymore and they kicked her out.
Suddenly, the image of a seething Regina popped into Emma's mind. The memory of her absolute blind fury, the small slits of her eyes, the snarl on her lips, the way she'd looked at her with utter disgust when she'd thought Emma had been cheating on her. And for Emma, the memory of standing in that doorway, of watching her things packed into a suitcase invaded her mind. Emma could feel herself beginning to hyperventilate.
She moved down the counter, gripping the edge of the sink, focusing on the cold surface as she sniffed back the tears, refusing to cry. Regina hadn't meant it. It was a mistake. Emma was just being sensitive. Regina loved her.
Emma leaned her head on her forearms, taking deep gulps of air.
Regina loves you. Regina wants you. Regina is happy to have you here, with her.
But would she choose differently?
She's the one who got me pregnant, and now we're stuck with her and these hiccups. I suppose we'll have to learn to live with it.
She had been teasing. She was teasing. She didn't mean it.
Emma tried to reassure herself, but she was struggling. The child within her, the neglected, unwanted, unloved child within her was weeping, sobbing, torn apart by Regina's words. The perpetually abandoned child within was devastated that Regina would say such a thing.
She'd been teasing, the way they always teased each other, but Regina had hit a little too close to home with those words. And on the heels of what had just happened a mere week ago, that Regina had almost sent her away… The emotions from that day, how petrified Emma had been to losing it all, it was too much. Too close. The child within her had been ravaged by Regina's actions that day, had been wounded so profoundly that it felt like a raw, open laceration deep within Emma.
Emma hadn't spoken much about that day, about what it had been like for her. She'd apologised repeatedly to Regina afterwards, and her girlfriend had done the same. They'd unpacked her clothing together, exchanging dozens of kisses as they worked, reassuring one another that they loved each other dearly, that they would work through this, that they would communicate better, that they would be okay. Regina had reached out to Archie as promised, had booked an appointment for next week, and Emma did feel better that Regina would be talking to him, that they were both actively working on ensuring such an event never occurred again. She'd thought she was okay.
But as Emma stood in the kitchen, her stomach clenching, her heart wounded, knot thick in her throat, Emma wasn't so sure that she was okay. She'd been given back so many times. Sometimes, she'd barely gotten down the names of her foster siblings before she was yet again being shipped off or moved to a new foster home. She'd eventually just stopped unpacking (if you could call removing items from a black garbage bag 'unpacking'). It had hurt too much to be rejected, to be thrown away, and so Emma had never allowed herself to become too comfortable in any one home.
But, she'd let her guard down at Regina's. She'd gotten comfortable here. She'd established herself in this house because she felt safe. She felt she was home. She'd placed her socks next to Regina's socks, rather than getting own drawer. She'd placed her tops right next to Regina's tops. She'd hung up her hoodies in Regina's closet, right next to her (admittedly much nicer, much more expensive) sweaters. She'd done that purposefully, because she wanted her things with Regina's, not separate from them. She wanted a home with Regina, so she'd brought her things over little by little, finding a place for them, or filling the spaces that Regina made for her.
She had felt like she was finally home.
But then Regina had found her suitcase. She'd removed all of her clothing out of their shared drawers and she'd shoved them in it. She'd ripped off her hoodies from their hangers. Regina had removed her socks and underwear from their place next to her own. Nothing had even been folded. She'd simply stuffed all of her clothing in the suitcase, and then she'd thrown it all to the floor, the way she had planned to throw her away too.
She almost threw you away. She wanted to throw you away.
Emma couldn't help it. A desperate sob escaped her throat, and she immediately slapped her hand over her mouth, muffling the sound. She didn't want to cry. That event was over. She had told herself that she forgave Regina. Regina loved her. Regina wanted her. Emma replayed those words in her mind like a mantra, but the memory of Regina's words played louder, silencing her own attempts to reassure herself.
"Get the fuck out of my house!"
"Don't you fucking dare!"
"Don't touch me. I'll go to the garage, but do not touch me."
It's far too late now to change our mind. She's the one who got me pregnant, and now we're stuck with her.
Emma bit down hard on her quivering bottom lip. Those words had hurt so badly, and she couldn't help the tears that slid down her cheeks, even as she tried desperately to soothe herself and calm herself down.
Regina couldn't shake the uneasy feeling stirring in her belly. She waited impatiently for Emma to return, licking her bottom lip, feeling more and more nervous the longer Emma took to return. She couldn't help thinking about the way Emma had more or less bolted from the couch, and when Regina replayed the last thing she said, she couldn't help the feeling of discomfort that settled in her chest. Emma hadn't teased back. She'd left practically running, and Regina felt very strongly that her words had upset her girlfriend.
She regretted saying them. She shouldn't have said them. She'd been teasing, of course. She adored Emma, was ecstatic to be carrying her child, wanted desperately to spend the rest of her life making Emma happy. But given her lover's reaction, Regina had inadvertently triggered her. After last week, she should have known. It was far too soon to joke about something so sensitive. She should have known, but she'd thought they were okay. They had been okay over this past week.
They'd spent the last week nearly joined at the hip, Emma lavishing her with attention, with touches, with kisses and adorable smiles. She'd doted on her non-stop, and Regina had been just as loving. Or, she had thought she had been. But as Regina reflected, she wondered if maybe she'd hadn't been affectionate enough in return. Maybe she should have initiated more, because, as she thought about it, she realised Emma had been the more pro-active of the two this past week when it came to instigating intimacy between them. Despite the fact that she'd been more than active in her return of love and affection towards Emma, maybe it hadn't been enough. Maybe she should have reassured her more.
Regina, belly now in knots, wiggled herself to the edge of the couch and pushed herself up before then making her way down the hall towards the kitchen. She frowned just outside of it when she heard a small squeaking sound, her heart clenching when she walked in the room and found Emma sobbing into her hand.
"Oh, darling, I'm so sorry."
Regina immediately made her way to Emma, pulling her into her arms and holding her tight.
"I knew it. I knew I had hurt you. I'm so sorry, Emma. I did not mean it. Not for one second did I mean any of it. I love you. I love you so much. I shouldn't have said it. I love you so, so much, darling."
Emma wrapped her arms around Regina's neck, burying her face in her throat as she wept. She nodded. She knew. She knew Regina loved her, but still, she hurt.
Regina carefully stroked Emma's hair before cupping the back of her head and speaking softly in her ear.
"I am so lucky to have you. Every single day, I wake up feeling incredibly happy, feeling a serenity I have never before felt, because you are in my life, Emma Swan. Because you are my partner, my lover, my confidant. You are my person, Emma, and I would neither trade you nor replace you for anything in this entire world," Regina paused, pressing her lips to Emma's temple when the words made the woman sob harder. "You tell me you're lucky to have me, Emma. But the truth is, it is the other way around. I am incredibly fortunate to have you. The fact that you've chosen me over anyone else… Emma, there are some days I am convinced this is a dream, because no one as wonderful as you, as brave, as beautiful, as… as incredible as you, could possibly want me. I am the Evil Queen-"
Regina let out a soft chuckle when Emma squawked a protest.
"Alright. Former, Evil Queen."
"Better," Emma managed to choke out, earning an affectionate scratch to the scalp.
"I'm the former Evil Queen. I destroyed so many. How could I have ever hoped to have a happy ending when I ruined it for so many others? And yet… I have one: you. You are everything I have ever wanted, Emma. I treasure you beyond all others."
Regina pulled back, needing to look Emma in the eyes. Her heart broke at the tears that continued to fall, swiping at them as she spoke.
"I've never known this kind of happiness, Emma. Nor this kind of powerful love for anyone who isn't Henry. I love you with a ferocity that is, at times, overwhelming. I want you desperately, and I would destroy anyone who tried to take you away from me, Emma."
Emma couldn't help it. She had to say what was replaying in her mind like a broken record.
"You almost threw me away. You almost-" Emma choked on her sob, closing her eyes against the truth of the words.
And the way that she spoke, the way that she looked… so broken, so wounded, instantly made Regina cry. She nodded at Emma's words. She couldn't deny it. It was the truth.
"I was so wrong, Emma. So completely, utterly wrong. I almost made the biggest mistake of my entire life. Please believe me when I say that in that moment, my heart felt like it had been ripped out of my chest and torn in half at the thought that our relationship was over, that I'd no longer have you."
"You didn't even speak to me," Emma replied, a little of her anger making its way through the tears. "You just… you just kicked me out. You threw my stuff on the ground, like it meant nothing-"
Emma began crying again, and Regina could do nothing but pull her back into her arms, rocking her gently.
"I was so, so wrong, darling. I was so wrong. I will forever regret those actions. I'll forever and ever regret what I did. I'll spend the rest of my life apologising to you, Emma Swan. Because I was so, incredibly wrong. I made an egregious mistake and it was all my fault for not speaking to you. I should have spoken to you. But I swear to you, Emma, I am never, ever letting you go. Never again. I will never make that mistake again. Believe me when I say that I will spend the rest of our lives making this up to you."
Emma turned her head and pressed her face into Regina's throat, crying against her. Regina held her close, repeating over and over again that she loved her, that she wanted her, that she needed her. She apologised countless times, squeezing Emma close as she spoke. And when her lover began to calm, Regina loosened her hold just enough to rub Emma's back, kissing her cheek, her ear, her temple.
"I love you desperately, Emma. You belong here, with me, and our children."
"Do you really feel stuck with me?" Emma asked. She had to know.
Regina could feel the bile at the back of her throat at just how small Emma sounded. She had done that, and the guilt was overwhelming. She pulled back and looked Emma in the eyes, her face almost threatening with how serious she was when she spoke.
"Emma Swan, you listen to me, and you listen to me carefully: I am not stuck with you. I did not mean it. It was a very poor joke, one I will never again repeat. It is a privilege to be with you. I am lucky to be with you. What's more, I want to be with you. I choose to be with you. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me.
"You are everything I have ever wanted in a partner, in a lover. There is no one out there for me, but you. You are the only one I want. I would choose you every single time, Emma. Every single time. You make me so incredibly happy, darling, and I never ever thought it possible that I could love another so much. I want you, and I need you. I made an unforgivable error last week, and I will spend the rest of my life regretting it. I will spend the rest of forever making it up to you, Emma. I promise you that."
Emma, who had finally, mercifully stopped crying, swallowed hard against the words. She felt like a raw, open wound, and she didn't know what to say.
"I was wrong to imply what I did, Emma. It was a joke, but it was a terrible one. I should never have said it. I will never make that mistake again. Because it isn't true, dearest," Regina said, reaching up to cup Emma's tear-stained cheek. "You are the only person with whom I see myself sharing the rest of days. Only you, Emma, and I will forever be happy if you continue to choose me as well."
Emma looked Regina in the eyes, seeing nothing but the love and affection she knew Regina held for her.
"Can I please kiss you now?"
"Yes-"
Regina had barely said the word before Emma darted forward, clinging to her almost desperately as she crushed their lips together. Regina held her just as tightly, just as fiercely, kissing her with an almost desperate need to soothe, to show Emma just how much she loved her.
The kiss didn't last long because Emma couldn't breathe, her nose still clogged, her cheeks itchy from her tears. But she kissed as hard as she could, bruising Regina's lips, before she finally tore herself away, pressing her forehead to Regina's and squeezing her eyes shut.
"I'm sorry."
"Emma Swan you will not apologise to me for reacting in a way that is entirely to be expected given my horribly cruel words."
"You were joking," Emma whispered. "I knew you were. I just… I couldn't stop crying."
"Because what I said wasn't funny, Emma. I never should have said something so callous to someone who's experienced a lifetime of hurt and rejection. Especially on the heels of such a traumatic event last week. I am so sorry, Emma. I will never, ever say anything like that again. It wasn't funny."
Emma shook her head.
"It wasn't," she admitted softly.
"No, it wasn't," Regina repeated, squeezing Emma's biceps in apology. "You are so desperately wanted, Emma. Here. In this house, in our home, with our children."
"Promise?"
"With everything that I am, Emma, forever and always. I promise."