A/N I am off any kind of schedule. I just felt like posting today. I hate life right now and I am struggling to care about anything. I have like tons written so this will pass and I will be writing again without much change here. I liked this chapter a lot so I hope you do.

Chapter 5

Sakura

Fifty-one days into the past

The weeks wore on—weeks Sakura had already lived once. It was strange, if she thought about it too hard. Her first time around, six-year-old Sakura had been eager and excited to be the first in her family to attend the ninja academy.

This time, she was the sensei, rather than the student. Her days were spent teaching advanced chakra flesh regrowth techniques to the few with sufficient chakra control, and whatever else she could to everyone else. According to Asamida-sama, the future of the village was much improved thanks to her tutelage.

Her nights varied much more to the extremes.

Since she had been in the past for almost two months, Kakashi was no longer tasked with following her around. He'd gone back to his ANBU team and regular missions. Sakura had thought that would mean an end to their regular interaction. He had only been hanging around because he had to.

It had not.

At least twice a week, he would turn up wherever she happened to be having dinner out. On her first full day off, he had dropped by and suggested they head to the third training ground for another spar. She had played at being annoyed, but she hadn't any other plans and it ended up being rather fun.

Until he definitely let her get the better of him, ending up on his back with her on top of him. She was sure he had done it on purpose. He might have been wearing a mask, but she knew him well enough to recognize the smirk in his one uncovered eye.

She had only allowed herself to enjoy the sensation of lying on top of the man she had been so infatuated with for so long for a moment before remembering who she was.

He is not for you.

The half-hidden smirk had faded to something a little confused when she had practically flown off of him. He hid it almost immediately, though. At that moment, she'd been jealous of his mask. It made hiding your emotions so easy. Maybe that was why he wore it.

If her time off and evenings weren't taken up with Kakashi or the student who was fast becoming a friend, Aiko, Sakura grew increasingly homesick. She would sit in her apartment and try desperately to keep the promise she had made to herself.

No more tears.

She read medical textbooks. She cooked. She went to bed early when there was nothing else to occupy her mind.

On the worst nights, she thought about her parents and Kazuki. Her parents had seemed so sad the morning before she'd left. Could they possibly have known? What about Kazuki? He'd seemed like he was saying goodbye for much longer than a few days.

Imagining him realizing he'd lost her too, when she had promised she would always be there for him, nearly broke her. There would be no ramen together ever again. She'd never make him rakugan or wake up to his drool-covered sweet little face.

Maybe she should have bought the kashigata at the market, after all.

On this particular evening, she was seriously considering heading down to the market to buy them. Maybe making their favorite treat would make her feel better.

Probably not. But it surely couldn't hurt.

There was a knock at her window.

Glancing up, she saw Kakashi, ANBU mask pushed up and to the side, crouching on her window ledge. He reached forward and slid open her window, dropping in without waiting for her invitation. "Yo. You ok?"

"What?" Sakura sniffed, only when she went to brush the hair from her face did she realize she had been crying. "Oh, dammit."

He didn't ask again, but he did cross the room to crouch in front of her.

"I'm sorry. I guess I'm just feeling a little homesick tonight." She wiped her face and tried to smile. There was something that looked like sympathy in his exposed eye for a heartbeat, before he stood and walked out through her door.

"What the…" She knew he probably wasn't exactly used to comforting crying women, but… what had he even wanted anyway?

Scoffing, Sakura had just managed to decide to go to bed when he let himself back in. He had something in his hands and, upon seeing her perched on the edge of her bed, he stiffly sat down beside her. Hesitating for only a moment, he handed the package to her.

Sakura frowned as she took it. "What is this?" Then, somewhat under her breath as she tore open the package, "I thought I scared you off with my tears…"

He snorted. "I'm not really good at…" One hand waved vaguely at her face, the other rubbed anxiously at the back of his neck. "But… you said you were homesick."

Package open on her lap, Sakura sucked in a shocked breath. It was the kashigata set she'd admired in the market more than a month ago. The one she had just been wishing she had bought.

"How did you…"

Kakashi shrugged. "I noticed the way you looked at it. The lady said you mentioned they were like your mother's."

"Kakashi…" She didn't know what to say.

"I thought I'd just give them to you for your birthday if you're here that long but…" He shrugged again. "I figured you might need them more now."

Kakashi—cheap, porn-addled, perpetually-late Kakashi—had bought her a gift. A sweet, not inexpensive gift for no reason other than he knew it would mean something to her.

This Kakashi. The one who had only known her for a few weeks when he'd bought them. Not the one whom she'd known since she was eight who might have reason to care if she was depressed.

Sakura looked up at him, his one eye watching her carefully. A blush burned its way up her face. This was not helping her crush. The crush she could not allow to become anything else.

"Kakashi… Thank you… I…" She shook her head and smiled up at him. "I was just thinking I wished I'd bought them. I was really missing Kaz… the person I learned to make rakugan for. He was… will be… someone important to me. Not…" She held up her hand and chuckled remembering his previous remark. "Not my boyfriend."

Kakashi nodded, a small smile making its way to his eye. "Right. Well..." He slid his heels back and tensed to stand. "I guess I'll just leave you to it then."

"Wait…" Unthinking, Sakura reached for him, catching his hand. They both stared down at their joined hands for a long second. Realizing what she was doing, she jerked her hand back a little too quickly. "You can stay. I think I have everything I need to make some right now, and it doesn't take long."

He shook his head, finally standing. "I'm not really big on sweets. You have fun, though."

At this obviously false statement, Sakura scoffed, standing too and crossing to her small kitchen. "Don't be ridiculous. You love my rakugan. You had three the last time I saw you before…"

The look on older Kakashi's face flashed before her eyes. Her cheeks burned again remembering the way he'd looked at her.

Shaking her head, she turned back to the younger man still standing in her apartment. His head was cocked to the side, and there was a strange look on what she could see of his face. "You mentioned that before… and that I was smoking. I don't do that very often."

Kazuki's words came to her along with a rush of sadness, and she opened her mouth before she could think better of it. "Only on the hard days."

He shifted, frowning. It was plain he had questions. Sakura held her breath as he watched her, waiting for the inevitable inquisition she would not be able to answer, but it never came. Eventually, he sighed and pushed his hands in his pockets. "Fine. I'll try them." He jerked his head towards the door. "I'm gonna shower. I'll come back."

Smiling, Sakura watched him go, something fluttering in her stomach. This might not be a good idea. But she'd done this for him countless times before. There was nothing wrong with making rakugan for a friend. And she did hope she could be this Kakashi's friend.

KSK

Kakashi

Slipping into a pair of gray sweats, sleeveless undershirt and attached mask, Kakashi thought about Sakura. He thought about the little bits of his future, and the relationship they had in it, that she had let slip.

He liked rakugan? By themselves? They were basically pure sugar. Maybe she would make tea, too. At least then he could mask the sweetness with a bitter drink.

How well did she know him besides that? How close were they? She had seen him smoking. That was something he rarely did and never with an audience. It was something he only ever did, as she'd said, on the bad days… nights, mostly.

Slipping into his shoes, he realized that meant she had seen his face. Would she tell him if he asked? The last time they had discussed the future, she'd said he shouldn't ask any more questions.

Scoffing as he let himself back into her apartment, he wondered if he could convince her to tell him anything.

She was in her kitchen, music playing on a radio on the counter. So engrossed in what she was doing, her hips swaying in time with the song, she hadn't noticed him. Ingredients were spread out on the counter around her, sugars and colored powders and mixing bowls.

A warm feeling Kakashi couldn't quite identify wound its way through his chest. On quiet, bare feet, he crossed the room leaning against her table, watching her. She was cute.

Even after the Hokage had relieved him of the duty of following her, he had found himself wanting to spend time with her. It was a new experience for him. If he wasn't away on a mission, he would stop by the hospital when she got off to join her for dinner. He even paid for himself, no longer able to rely on her guilt.

Once, they'd had a day off at the same time and he managed to drag her out of her apartment for another spar. Wanting to feel her pressed against him again, when the opportunity to throw the fight just so arose, he took it. There had been… something in her green eyes as a pretty blush colored her cheeks.

And then the moment passed, and she had flown up and off of him as if he'd burned her. He figured it had something to do with the very different nature of their relationship in the future. He guessed he would have to tread carefully if he wanted her to see him differently now.

There was a lot about her he didn't know; a lot about him she knew and hadn't shared, and that made him a little uncomfortable. But the one thing Kakashi did know was he liked her.

He liked her a lot.

When the chorus of the song she was listening to started, she sang along, her dancing picking up with her awful off-key singing. With a flourish, she dumped sugar into another bowl and spun around on her heel, voice rising with the song's crescendo.

And then her eyes opened and she saw him watching her, amused smile hidden behind his mask. The singing died with an embarrassed choking croak, her face burning nearly as dark as her dress. "K-Kakashi-san! I didn't hear you come in."

His smile broadened. "Don't stop on my account. You looked like you were enjoying yourself."

Her laugh was doubtful and uncomfortable. "I promised someone a long time ago I wouldn't inflict my singing on anyone else."

He hummed noncommittally. "It is pretty terrible."

"Hey…" She pouted, but it melted into a smile when he spoke again.

"You're an extremely skilled kunoichi. We can't all be good at everything."

When she shook her head and went back to her rakugan, Kakashi walked around the table, joining her in the small kitchen. Leaning his back against the counter, he watched her hands move through clearly-practiced motions.

"Do you make these a lot?"

She smiled wistfully. "Fairly often, yeah."

"And I eat them?"

"Always." She chuckled lightly to herself. "You fight over them with…" Her hand stilled and her face fell. "I know what you're doing." When she looked up at him, her face was somber. "I can't tell you any more. I've thought a lot about it. You might have been right, that I was always here and I just never realized, or you might not be. Either way, I can't risk changing anything. Not for you, not for me, not the village."

She went back to mixing powders, quietly contemplating for several minutes. Kakashi tried not to feel disappointed. Logically, he knew she was right. There was no real way to know if anything she did would change her future.

"I know it must be driving you crazy. I know a lot about your future and I'm not answering any of your questions. The little things I've let slip are already way too revealing." She smiled sadly up at him. "I'm sorry, Kakashi-san."

"Hey." He shrugged, reaching up to wipe a smudge of white dust from her cheek. When he touched her, she almost stopped breathing. He really wanted to see how far he could go with this, but the look in her eyes warned him not to press his luck. He let his hand fall back to the counter behind him. "It's OK. You're probably right, and it's not fair of me to ask you for things you can't share."

"Yeah…" She swallowed thickly, and turned back to what she was doing with renewed vigor. "Thank you for understanding."

For a while, Kakashi just watched her work in silence, eventually hopping up to sit on the counter. She'd tsk'd and shot him a half-hearted glare, but did not say anything. The quiet was not uncomfortable. It was nice.

Eventually, while she pressed the sugar into the molds he'd bought her, she glanced up at him. "So, how long have you been in ANBU?" She huffed. "I know a lot about your future, but not a lot about your past."

Suddenly, the lightness he'd felt in her company abandoned him. He didn't want to talk about himself, at least not about his past. It was mostly ugly and he didn't feel like he could share it with anyone.

But it was only fair. Hadn't he just been needling her for information about her past?

With a heavy sigh, he raked a hand through his hair. "Since I was thirteen."

"What?" Sakura gaped up at him, clearly not believing him. "Thirteen? I mean… I know you're a genius and all but… don't most shinobi graduate from the academy at twelve?"

He shrugged. "I graduated when I was five, and I passed the Chūnin exam the next year."

If they weren't venturing near subjects he'd rather not discuss, he would have laughed at the look on her face. He did gently slide two fingers under her chin to close her gaping mouth.

"Six? How is that even possible? They didn't send you on any real missions, did they?"

"I was capable, and we were in the middle of a war. My team went out like all the rest." He really needed to change the subject.

She scoffed in frustration. "The entire reason we even have the academy system and the Chūnin exams is to prevent child soldiers. Twelve is really too young as it is!" Her voice began to rise with indignation. "That kind of thing should never have been approved, wartime or not. Who cares if you were a genius; you were practically a baby! Where were your parents?"

Kakashi looked away, his voice a small rasp. "Dead."

She sucked in a breath, cursing softly. "I'm sorry, Kakashi-san. I forgot about that."

Unable to respond or look her in the eyes, he could only shrug. He really wished he knew exactly how much she knew about his past—too much, it seemed.

"I guess we're both feeling inappropriately curious tonight."

"Yeah…" He chanced a glance at her. Sakura was staring sadly down at her setting rakugan, one delicate finger tapping softly beside the mold.

He was sorry for the ruined mood. He didn't want their evening to end yet, not like this. Change the subject, change the subject, change the subject…

"Have you ever seen my face?"

"Hmm?" A slight frown bent her brow when she looked up, clearly confused at his sudden question. "Um. Yeah, I have." The corner of her mouth twitched. "Not often, and never for very long. I think I'm one of the few people my age that has." A small smile lit her face and she laughed at a memory. "For the longest time it was like a game with our team to see your face." She stared up at him, her smile a little sad. There was more to that story she couldn't share.

He didn't push, scratching his cheek through his mask. "Hmm. I think I feel a little violated. I'm usually so careful."

Catching onto his unserious tone, she smirked. "Don't worry. I won't tell anyone how hideous you are."

"Tch. Gee, thanks."

The comfortable feeling was back. Kakashi felt himself relax as she turned her attention back to her rakugan. Gently, she tapped the sides of the mold and, with her lip trapped between her teeth, she carefully opened it. With a practiced flick of her wrist, three small, delicate looking white cranes slid onto a waiting plate.

With a pleased grin, Sakura held the plate up to show him. "See? Perfect! Try one."

Well, he could hardly say no. Right as Kakashi started to reach for one, inspiration struck and he reached for his mask instead. Quickly, before he could lose his nerve, he tugged it down and leaned closer, opening his mouth expectantly.

He heard her breath catch and her eyes suddenly looked very far away. Somehow, he knew she wasn't there with him anymore. She was remembering something, a different time, maybe a different version of himself.

Her cheeks colored as her hand moved automatically. Slowly, her green eyes met his as she picked up one of the sweets and he had the distinct impression she couldn't quite believe what was happening. By the time she placed it on his waiting tongue, he could feel his own face burning too.

As soon as it was in his mouth and her hand was moving away, he tugged his mask back in place. She blinked rapidly, coming back to herself. For several long seconds, while the sugar melted in his mouth, that something from the moment when they'd sparred was back. Her eyes looked just a shade darker and she watched him carefully, her breathing shallow.

Then, she was shaking her head and whispering something he couldn't quite make out. "I'm sorry." She forced a laugh and took a step back, as if needing space. Another heartbeat, and she was smiling just a bit too brightly. "What do you think? Good, right?"

Kakashi wanted to kick himself for being so stupid. Hadn't he just decided to proceed carefully? Getting her to see him as more than her former sensei was going to take time. He had been counting on the fact he was the same age as her rather than fourteen years older helping that along, but still.

That had clearly been just a little too far for her.

Fuck.

"Delicious." He really hoped he managed to keep his sudden annoyance from his voice.

"Here," she held the dish with the two remaining cranes out to him, "You can take these home. I actually usually don't eat them. It's sort of something I enjoy making for… for others."

Damn. He slid from the counter and accepted the dish. At least this was less awkward than when they'd gotten too personal. He didn't want to leave, but he also didn't want to risk any fragile progress he might have made.

"Thanks. I… I guess I should get going."

Her soft laugh was breathy but genuine. "It is kind of late. Thank you for the kashigata, Kakashi-san, and for keeping me company tonight."

Remembering suddenly how he'd found her earlier that evening, he at least felt glad she no longer seemed ready to cry herself to sleep. "It's no problem. I usually don't have anything else to do if I'm home." He swallowed thickly. "Maybe we can do this again…"

She smiled, clasping her hands in front of herself. "Yeah. Rakugan isn't the only thing I know how to make. I'm quite good at actual food, too."

His eyes widened. Maybe he hadn't fucked up as bad as he'd thought. "Sounds good. Well…"

Her cheeks were as red as his felt, and her gaze went to the floor and then around the room, looking anywhere but at him as he slowly backed towards the door. His hip knocked painfully into the edge of her table but he ignored it, clutching the dish tighter in his hands as he hurried for the door.

"Goodnight, Kakashi-san."

"Yeah… goodnight, Sakura-san." He slipped on his shoes and with a final glance in her direction, proving she still wasn't looking at him, he escaped.

Safely back in his apartment, he leaned against his door and ripped his mask down. He sighed heavily, pinching the bridge of his nose with the hand not still clutching her dish.

"I really wish I knew what I was doing."

Kakashi glanced down at the two remaining sugar cranes. Crossing to his own kitchen, he deposited the dish on his counter and, before he could dwell on it, he snatched one up and popped it into his mouth and headed to bed.

They really weren't… terrible.