A/N Here we go! oh, also I changed the way I tagged the time. i got confused how I was doing it and realized it was all screwed up. hope its not too confusing. I did go back and edit past chapters.

Chapter 9

Sakura

Sixty-six days into the past

With a frustrated sigh, Sakura tossed the green qipao on her bed and grabbed the nicer of her two red ones. She liked how the green brought out her eyes—Kakashi had said so the first time she'd worn it…

No. She needed to stop thinking about him. She was going out with Gai.

But that was why she shouldn't wear the green. Wrinkling her nose, Sakura imagined them walking down the street, almost matching.

She groaned. Why was she thinking so hard about this? It wasn't like it was going to be a real date. Gai was nice. Sakura was surprised how much she actually enjoyed his company. But she wasn't interested in him romantically. She definitely wasn't interested in finding out about his abilities in the bedroom.

The only reason she had even agreed to go out with him was because she needed a distraction from Kakashi. Spending almost every waking moment with him for the last week had been excruciating. Their chemistry was undeniable. Whether they were talking about nothing in particular, or he was staring into her eyes and toying with her hair, Sakura could feel it. It was making her crazy.

He is not for you.

It was repeating on a constant loop in her head, but it wasn't helping anymore. The worst part was, her hot and cold reactions to him were obviously starting to get to Kakashi too. Why did he have to like her? Why had she caved and offered to take care of him personally? Why did she have to be tossed back in time?

The more she got to know him now, the more she knew—in another universe, another life—she could easily fall for him. It was absolutely killing her.

With another loud, frustrated groan, Sakura shook her head to banish useless thoughts. Glaring between her outfits, Sakura decided she didn't care if they looked matchy together. She looked nice in the green.

Dressing quickly, Sakura glanced at the clock. She had twenty minutes to finish getting ready. Adding just enough makeup to enhance her best features—Ino would be proud—and deciding to let her hair hang free around her shoulders, she decided she was happy with her appearance. She looked nice, but not too try-hard.

Just in time, there was a knock at her door. "I'm coming!"

Giving herself a final once over in the small mirror she'd hung by the door, Sakura pasted a smile on her face and opened it. "Hey, G… Kakashi?"

Her heart nearly stopped to see him standing there, one hand resting on her door frame. He was wearing civilian clothes, black pants and a black shirt with the sleeves rolled up, revealing his forearms. It was casual but he looked nice.

"Yo, Sakura-chan."

She sighed, dropping her head to the side. "Where is Gai?"

He smiled, exuding a boyish charm as he took her in. "You look nice, Sakura-chan. Gai isn't going to be able to make it. Got held up. Mission or something." He shrugged. "I figured I'd take you out instead. It would be a waste for you to stay in now."

"Kakashi…" Dammit, this was exactly not what she needed. But he looked so handsome and she had put actual effort into how she looked. He was right. It would be a waste.

"Come on. I still owe you dinner, don't I?" He reached for her hand, gently tugging her out of her doorway.

Biting her lip, she gave in. "Alright—but it's not a date."

His eye twitched but he nodded. "I know that. I just didn't like to think of you here, all dressed up and eating leftovers at ten when Gai didn't show."

She scoffed but reached for her bag and locked up. "How altruistic of you." Smiling despite herself, she looked up at him as they started down the stairs. "Well, where are we going?"

He chuckled softly. "I did consider Ichiraku—" Sakura snorted but he ignored her. "—it is a favorite, after all. But that didn't feel right. Then I thought about that sushi place you like, but Aiko brought us take out the other day. So I thought… why not try something different?"

Her smile returned. Was he actually putting thought into this not-a-date? Lacing her hands behind her back, she gave him a quizzical look. "Oh?"

Kakashi nodded. Even behind the mask she could tell his smile for her was beautiful. Her stomach fluttered unhelpfully. "Yeah. There is a little place on the far end of the main market street that specializes in food from some of the smaller islands in the Chigiri Sea. Have you ever been?"

"No, I haven't, but it sounds familiar. I think my parents have a seafood place they like. Aren't we a little far from the coast for seafood? Is it good?"

He hummed affirmatively. "I don't know how they do it, but it always tastes fresh from the boat. I haven't been since before you got here and it sounded good. What do you think?"

"Sounds perfect." This is not a date.

He is not for you.

They walked in companionable silence through the market, the evening crowd thick. Kakashi had his hands in his pockets, but his elbow brushed her arm every few steps. Unable to keep the blush from her face, Sakura ducked her head, letting her hair hide her pained frown.

Suddenly there were jovial shouts and Kakashi's arm was around her, pulling her into his side. A pack of young genin—not paying attention to anything around them—ran down the street right where she had been standing. She gasped, shocked to be so close to him. More than anything, she wanted to slip her arm around him too and turn into his warmth.

Instead, he apologized and released her—slowly, as if he didn't want to let her go any more than she wanted to be let go.

Releasing the breath she'd been holding, she blinked up at him. "Uh… thanks."

He only shrugged, his answering smile not as genuine as it had been before. "So… you'll be going back to work soon, I guess?"

She bit her lip, careful to watch where she was going this time. "Do you think you'll be ok on your own?" He shrugged. "Can I trust you to rest for another week before you start training again? Honestly, I'm expecting you to drop from exhaustion at any minute. This is the most exercise you've had in almost two weeks."

He chuckled. "I'll be fine."

Sakura laughed too, giving him a skeptical look. "I mean it, Kakashi-san, no training until I say so."

"Yes, Doctor."

They lapsed into silence again after that until they got to the restaurant. It was a small, brightly painted place tucked between an apartment building and a convenience store. A bell chimed when they entered, and a round man—far too tan to be from Konoha—smiled warmly at Kakashi.

"Oh, hey Kakashi-san! I haven't seen you in a while. How have you been?"

His hand on the small of her back, Kakashi greeted the man and steered her around him and further into the restaurant. "Sorry, Hatsue-san. I've been busy."

The man, Hatsue, laughed. "Well, I'm glad to see you. I was starting to worry." He turned to Sakura and grinned wider. "Who have you brought with you, Kakashi? A date? How unexpected."

Sakura laughed awkwardly as Kakashi shook his head, a smile evident in his voice. "This is Yamada Hana. And this is not a date. I just owe her."

The older man chuckled and accepted Sakura's offered hand with a flourish. "Not a date, eh?" He smirked at Kakashi. "Well in that case, my name is Kakimoto Hatsue, please call me Hatsue. If you're not interested in this idiot, I have a very handsome and single son on the island. He is the one responsible for all of my beautiful fish." He laughed again at Kakashi's unimpressed glare as he led them to a table. "Maybe not, eh? Well, here we are. Would you like a menu or will you be trusting me tonight?"

Blushing furiously but already having decided she liked the man, Sakura sat across from Kakashi and smiled. "I think you're trustworthy." She glanced at Kakashi who was shaking his head with mock annoyance and waving the man away.

"Just bring us what you think we'll like."

Alone, Sakura smiled at a still bothered looking Kakashi. "You know, I've never been to the islands in the Chigiri Sea. It might be a nice place for a vacation."

"Tch. Maybe I'll take you someday."

She smiled at the impossible idea, ignoring the repetitive voice in the back of her mind. "Maybe. So… am I going to find Gai with some mysterious injury when I go back to work?"

He scoffed, the picture of innocence. "I don't have any idea what you could possibly mean. I'm far too injured still to hurt anyone, let alone Maito Gai, the Green Beast of Konoha. He probably just got sent on a last minute mission and forgot to let you know." One long finger scratched his cheek through his mask. "Very rude. Definitely doesn't deserve a second chance if you ask me."

Not believing him for a second, Sakura put her elbow on the table, resting her chin on her palm. "I know how you two are. You have the weirdest competitions with each other. Usually they're completely ridiculous." The conversation she'd walked in on almost a week ago came to mind, bringing her blush back with full force.

"What?"

She shook her head furiously, laughing. "Nothing… I was just thinking how glad I am that you don't remember anything from the night you overdid it with the morphine."

His head tipped to the side and a blush crept up above his mask. "I knew I should be embarrassed. I'm tempted to ask… but I'm not sure I want to know."

The question of what Gai would consider a 'monster' came to her unbidden, and she shook her head again, hiding her face with her hands. "No. You do not." As awkward as she felt, she was enjoying his discomfort even more. Peeking at him through her fingers, Sakura smirked. "Let's just say I'll never look at almonds the same way again."

He didn't say anything for a second—clearly not getting it—and then his eye widened comically. His already red face darkened impossibly, before he dropped his face to the table. "Please tell me you didn't see anything you shouldn't have?"

Never in all her years of knowing him had she ever seen Kakashi so embarrassed—so emotive at all, really. Older Kakashi was private and usually emotionally restrained, his biggest emotional displays reserved for his son. This Kakashi was a little less bored-seeming all of the time, but still… This was new and more than a little adorable. She could not help the laugh at his expense.

"No…" She was laughing so hard now it was difficult to get the words out. "No—thank God." When she continued to struggle to breathe as she laughed—tears in her eyes now—Kakashi sat up slowly, watching her with a bland expression. "I'm sorry Ka-Kakashi… it was just so—" She gasped and wiped her eyes. "So ridiculous."

"Please, forget it ever happened." His voice was deadpan but his eye sparkled with amusement.

Catching a glimpse of Hatsue heading back toward their table, Sakura cleared her throat and took a full breath. "Oh no. You're not taking that memory from me, no matter how uncomfortable it was in the moment."

He didn't get a chance to respond because their food appeared in front of them, a jovial Hatsue explaining about the fish his still single son had caught just the day before. Kakashi rolled his eyes at the reminder of the son, but Sakura decided she would take a solo vacation whenever Kazuki's mother finally turned up.

A bittersweet pang hung over her for the rest of the meal. They talked about nothing and everything as they so often did, but Sakura no longer allowed herself to enjoy the flirtatious spark. Thinking about her Kazuki, and a potential island getaway, kept her spirits high, even as she wanted to get up and leave him there.

After they had finished, Kakashi paid and they left—not without Hatsue inviting Sakura back for lunch in two days when his son would be there again. She graciously apologized, citing work, and they were off, blending in with the thinning crowd. Kakashi glared straight ahead, somewhat sullen as they strolled through the market.

"Are you alright, Kakashi-san?" Sakura leaned forward to look up into his single unobscured eye.

He met her gaze for a moment before huffing and rolling his eyes. "Yeah… I was just regretting introducing you to Hatsue-san, that's all."

She snickered. "I know you don't remember, but I already told you once, Kakashi-san—who I date is none of your business."

"Tch. Yeah…" His shoulders slumped and he looked away from her. "Sakura-chan… what if I said I wanted it to be my business?"

Her heart fell. There it was. They had been dancing around it for days and he'd finally said it out loud. Blinking hard, she sighed. "Kakashi… I—"

"I know you want to say yes, but you won't. Is it because I was—will be—your sensei?"

"No… I haven't really thought of you like that in years."

When his silence began to stretch, she looked up to find him watching her warily. "It's another one of those things you can't tell me, isn't it?"

Wrapping her arms around herself, Sakura hung her head. "I can't lie and say I don't wish it was different. I—"

She was brought up short when a hand—Kakashi's—grabbed the back of her dress, yanking her backward. With a yelp, Sakura found herself face to face with her father. Fuck.

"Why hello…" His voice faltered as he took her in, eyes widening as he noticed how alike they looked. Beside him, her mother was staring at her as if she knew precisely who she was but couldn't quite believe it. "Do I know you, miss?" He shook his head slowly. "I have never in my life seen anyone with hair like that, that I did not call family."

There were no thoughts in her head. None. Sakura could only stare at him stupidly, mouth hanging slightly open.

"Kizashi, doesn't she look like our Sakura? But how can that be? You must be related."

They were both staring at her as if in a trance, wheels turning in their heads. Panic welled up. They would figure it out! They were just seconds from it, she was positive. Everything would fall apart. They couldn't know!

"Ah, well, you see… she's your cousin."

She felt like she couldn't breathe.

Slowly, Sakura turned from her parents' astonished faces to watch Kakashi reach for an explanation—an explanation that he could not possibly understand the implications of. There was a loud rushing in her ears. She could still hear the conversation continuing without her, but it sounded far away.

"It's Haruno, right? This is Hana. She was invited to the village recently by the Hokage… to help train the new medics. Didn't you say, Hana-chan, that your family was originally from Konoha?"

Unable to answer, she looked back at her father as if lost. Some sound of assent must have come from her, because her father, always one to fill the silence, laughed suddenly. All Sakura could do was listen dumbly as every detail she had ever heard about Kakashi's wife spilled from her father's mouth.

"Is that so? My mother's baby sister left years ago. I was just a boy the last time I saw her. Ah, my beautiful Aunt Asuka… you do have her looks, now that I think of it. Could she possibly be your mother?"

It was all she could do to not burst into tears. It was too much. Her mind, at first empty, now overflowed with information. "Um… yes."

He laughed again, wrapping her into a familiar hug. She hugged him back. "Look at you! My very own cousin! I had always wondered what happened to my Aunt. Tell me, is she well?"

Kakashi must have noticed her distress, jumping in to save her. "She uh- she died, actually. Sorry. That's why she's here. She needed a fresh start and the Hokage offered her a job."

She felt her father's shoulders droop with sorrow. Sakura was grateful for Kakashi's quick thinking—it allowed her an explanation for the tears she could not hold back.

She stared at Kakashi. He was hers. He was meant for her. As words of apology and regret floated around above her, Sakura could see their life together start to play out in her head.

Nausea welled up all at once.

She needed to get away.

Blinking hard, she pulled away from her father's embrace with some difficulty. A false smile plastered on her face, she made her excuses. "I'm sorry, cousin… I… I need to go. Um—I'm sure I'll see you soon. It was nice to meet you " When she looked back at Kakashi, the nausea roared in her gut. Reaching blindly for him, she clutched at his shirt. "I'm sorry, Kakashi. I… I need… I'll talk to you—"

He was frowning at her, worry evident on the slice of face she could see. "Hana—"

Without another word, she fled. She did not look back when he called after her again. The streets were too crowded, she needed air, she needed to get home before she fell apart.

He belongs to you.

Sakura retched, bumping into yet another person. Almost blind with tears, she made her way to the nearest building and climbed. Free of any obstacles, she raced across the rooftops.

Kazuki, her precious Kazuki…

A sob tore from her lungs as she ran.

They both belong to you.

Dropping onto her balcony, Sakura let herself in, locking the sliding door behind her. Then she locked the window and her front door, pulling all the curtains shut. Alone and without threat of interruption, she pressed her back against the wall furthest from her door and slid gracelessly to the floor.

For the second time since arriving in the past, she fell apart. Choking sobs wracked her body. A hazy memory from childhood—the one and only time she'd met Kakashi's wife—suddenly cleared. She could see it perfectly. Her own face, a red dress with the Hatake clan crest on the skirt, a swollen middle—she remembered thinking the pink-haired woman was beautiful and hoping she would grow up to look just like her.

The irony…

Kakashi was hers. This whole time, she'd been fighting her attraction to him, trying to hold space in his heart for… herself. She was Kakashi's wife. She was her precious Kazuki's mother.

That realization made her at once tremendously happy and devastatingly sad. She was free to love the man she desperately wanted. They could have the relationship, the love she knew they would—the kind of love that spilled over into a whole new person—but it wouldn't last.

And knowing that hurt. It hurt more than anything she'd ever felt before.

She would fall in love with Kakashi. His whole world would orient around her. They would get married—after what she now realized was an astonishingly short courtship—and then she would give him a son. A son she would carry, love with all her heart, only to leave behind before he ever got the chance to know her.

She knew she would do those things because they had already been done. Because there was no world—no time—where she wouldn't break her own heart so she could give it to Kakashi along with their son. It was too important.

Kazuki was too important.

But how could she? Could she really do that to Kakashi? Make him love her only to knowingly abandon him? Was she supposed to tell him the truth? What would he choose if he knew?

If he knew their son would grow up without a mother—as he had done—would he even consent to creating him in the first place? The idea was painful enough for her to contemplate, and she wouldn't be the one left behind to deal with the fallout.

A new thought occurred: what was actually going to happen to her?

No one had ever actually told her outright what had happened. The rumor around the village any time the subject of Kakashi's wife came up was that she had died in childbirth. All of her life Sakura had accepted that as fact. But now that she knew it was her, it no longer made sense.

With her Strength of a Hundred Seal, how could she possibly have allowed that to happen? Any fatal damage or blood loss she might suffer from a traumatic birth could be healed almost immediately. So far as she and Tsunade had theorized, they could survive a beheading so long as their heads remained intact—not that they had ever tested that theory. How could childbirth, of all things, possibly kill her?

It didn't make sense.

Unless…

What if that wasn't what happened? They still didn't know anything about how she had been sent to the past. So far as she knew, it was the result of some batshit shinobi scientist, fucking around with jutsu with which he ought not to have been fucking. Maybe this 'adventure' had an expiration date… maybe it had a return trip.

A sudden knocking at her door ripped her from her thoughts.

"Sakura! Sakura, I know you're in there. I just… I need to know if you're alright. Please, Sakura. You don't even have to open the door. Just… I'm sorry, ok? Forget what I said." She heard him sigh through the door, and, what she guessed was his forehead dropping against it with a dull thud. "And I'm sorry I didn't see your parents until it was too late. They bought what I said, so you don't have to worry. Just, let me know you're okay, Sakura. Please."

Heart aching but not yet ready to face him, Sakura crossed the room until she was leaning against the door too. She pressed her cheek against the cool metal, imagining she was pressed against his chest instead. "I'm alright, Kakashi. I just need some time to think, ok? Can you give me that? Please?"

It wasn't what she wanted to say. Please don't give up on me… I'm sorry I'm putting you through this when all I want is to give you everything… I'm sorry I ran… I'm falling in love with you… I'm sorry I'm going to break your heart.

She could hear his breathing falter as he sagged against the door. "Yes… I can do that." He sighed again and the door creaked softly when he pulled away. "You know where I'll be when you're ready."

Quickly, Sakura looked through the peep-hole. His mask was pulled down and his hair looked mussed. She watched him scrub his hands over his face, the heels of his palms rubbing at both eyes before shaking his head and slowly turning back to his own door. He threw hers one last longing look before disappearing into his apartment.

Another sob, quiet and guilty, fell from her lips as she turned away. Wiping tears and snot from her face, Sakura wished she knew what to do. Her thoughts were too jumbled, the possibilities too confusing, the heartache too inevitable.

More than ever, she missed Ino. She would know exactly what to do. A brittle little laugh escaped. Ino always knew what to do when it came to problematic relationships. What she wouldn't give to see that pig now.

Now there was no one to talk to, no one to turn to for advice. As much as she had come to love Aiko already, she couldn't know the truth. No one could.

Except Kakashi… and the Third.

The Third Hokage was one of the wisest people she knew. If anyone could give her advice or reassurance, it was him. Sniffling, and trying to get her breathing under control, Sakura ran to her bathroom. Throwing water on her face, she considered whether or not she should sleep and see the Hokage in the morning.

But the image of a heartbroken Kakashi and a pink-haired infant came to her unbidden, and the tears started afresh.

There would be no sleeping tonight, visit with the Hokage or no.

Deciding there was no way she'd make it through a conversation about this without crying again, she gave up trying to make herself presentable. Grabbing her shoes and not wanting to alert Kakashi to her departure, she slipped out her window.

A/N Let me know how much you loved this!