A/N This chapter is shorter, sorry. I have so many things I want to say about it and what's coming but I don't want to give anything away. DO read the end note, i need help lol

Chapter 10

Sakura

Sixty-six days into the past

It was nearly ten by the time she reached the Hokage's office, but the ANBU guard let her in. Apparently he had a penchant for working late, like Tsunade. He didn't seem that surprised to see her.

"Ah, Sakura-san. I was wondering when I would see you again. How have you been surviving here with us in the past?" As she approached his desk, his eyes roving over her blotchy, tear-stained face, his warm smile fell. "What's happened? Is everything alright, Sakura-san?"

She shook her head. "No, Hokage-sama… I—" swiping at her eyes, she sank into one of the chairs near his desk. "Sir, I need your advice."

Seeming to sense this would not be a short conversation, the Hokage reclined his seat and folded his hands over his stomach. "I am at your disposal, Sakura-san. I can't promise I will be able to help, but I will do my best."

With a deep breath and a nod, Sakura told him everything. She told him about her childhood and her relationship with Kakashi and Kazuki. She told him the little she had known about Kakashi's wife. She told him about the way their relationship changed in the years before she'd come back in time and about their relationship now. Finally, she explained about their run in with her parents, what it meant and her suspicions regarding the end of her time there.

She had talked for more than an hour, the Hokage not interrupting once except for the occasional clarification. When she'd finished—long ago having accepted a box of tissue for the damned tears she couldn't seem to stop—he was quiet for a long time.

After a while, he stood and walked to a window, hands clasped behind his back. "How much do you know about Kakashi's life until now?"

"I know his parents were both dead before he was five. His father killed himself. I also know that someone—you, the council… both—made far too many wartime exceptions and allowed children to fight in your war. He was six." She couldn't help the anger that seeped into her voice, but when his shoulders sagged under decades of regrets, she softened.

"Everyone from his first team is dead, though I only really know what happened to the Fourth and even then—my understanding is vague. But his teammates… I assume they both died young." She sighed, voice raw. "He's been suicidal for a long time. Though according to one of his ANBU teammates, and from what he's told me himself, he's been doing a lot better lately."

The Hokage nodded, still looking out the window. "His mother died when he was a baby. There was an epidemic…" He sighed, his voice heavy with regret. "Hatake Sakumo was one of the strongest, most powerful shinobi of his generation—famous in more than one nation. A war hero… Everyone respected him. That was until he made what would ultimately be a controversial choice on a mission. In my opinion it was the correct choice, but many did not agree. The shame and rejection led him to eventually commit suicide. Kakashi was the one that found him."

Sakura gasped. She had had a basic understanding of why Kakashi's father killed himself, but hearing it had been five-year-old Kakashi that found him was new information. It was even more traumatic than she'd imagined.

"For a long time, his father's death, and the reasons for it, influenced Kakashi… I'm not altogether certain it doesn't still. As for Minato, he was killed by the nine tails—along with his wife—when they sealed it inside their son."

Turning from the window, the Hokage finally looked at her. There was pain and regret in his dark eyes, pain Sakura felt reflected in her own heart. "I tell you all of this to say, I do not think you should tell him the truth. Carry on as you have. The future is best left unknown, one's life lived as it comes. While I am grieved to know there is more sorrow and loneliness yet to come in that boy's life, I do not think it would be improved if he chose to avoid it. If he knew he would be made a widower—whether by your death or a reversal in your situation—and left to raise a son alone, I fear he would do just that."

It was the same conclusion she had reached herself. But still. "I don't know if I can lie to him. This isn't some minor detail about his future."

The tired old man in front of her nodded slowly. "Before you came to us, did he give you any hint, any indication at all about his feelings on this matter? Maybe something that—at the time—made little sense?"

She shook her head. "I don't…"

Then it hit her. The memory she had tried so hard to ignore for how it made her feel came to her. The significance of his words, once unknowable, now devastatingly clear.

"I need you to know, I wouldn't change anything, Sakura… At least, nothing which was ever within my power to change."

Understanding the choice she would be faced with, and all of its implications, better than she ever would, Kakashi had given her his permission.

The weight she'd felt in her heart for the last few hours lightened. Taking a deep breath, surrendering to the trust she had in him, Sakura stood. Her path was clear.

"Thank you, Hokage-sama. I know what I am going to do."

Offering her a sad smile, he nodded once, dismissing her.

As she raced back across the rooftops to her apartment, Sakura felt resolved. She would spend every single moment they had left together, loving Kakashi with everything she had. She could not spare either of them the agony of the inevitable, but she would ensure they lived until then so there would be no regret.

KSK

Kakashi

Kakashi sighed—the most recent in a long string of frustrated groanings. Leaning against his balcony rail, his right foot propped on the middle bar, he stared out at the village—illuminated against the dark sky. On any other night, he might have enjoyed the view. But just then, he was too mired in self-loathing and confused contemplation to even notice.

He wished he hadn't said anything to Sakura. What had he been thinking? He knew she had her reasons for pulling away. Why couldn't he just wait until she decided what she wanted on her own? He blamed it on his inexperience with women—with relationships in general, really. At least he knew for sure now that she felt the same way he did.

Unfortunately, he also now knew for certain that it was something about his future that she couldn't share that was stopping her from accepting his feelings. The more he thought about it, the more he thought he knew what it might be. There must be someone else; someone he hadn't met yet. And if it was enough for Sakura to pull away from him despite 'wishing it was different,' this mystery relationship was probably extremely significant.

But he didn't want some mystery woman he didn't know. He wanted Sakura.

Raking his hands through his hair, he sighed, again, and stared longingly at the box of cigarettes lying abandoned on the table. He had lit one almost as soon as he'd gotten home, but the smell had made him sick. He hated to admit it, but Sakura was right. He was a long way from being ready to train again. The walk to and from the restaurant—running after her on the way back—had been too much. He had been sore and nauseated by the time he made it to her door.

He dropped his head to his arms and groaned. Why hadn't he just kept his damn feelings to himself? Then she wouldn't have run off, and he wouldn't be feeling so terrible. Maybe they could be drinking sake somewhere right now, still enjoying one another's company. Not that he needed alcohol any more than cigarettes just then.

Her last words, muttered through her apartment door in a shaky voice, circled through his mind again. She had asked for time to think. About what? Whether or not she cared about him more than not changing the future?

He scoffed, burying his hands in his hair. Hopefully they would be able to move on from this and be friends again, at least. He could be happy with that. It wasn't like he'd suffered from not having romantic relationships before. He would get over it, and go back to work and back to normal.

Eventually.

His head flew up, a harsh gasp tearing out of him in surprise. A familiar chakra signature was rapidly approaching from the direction of the Hokage's tower. He frowned. It was still a ways off but she was allowing it to surge. Almost as if she was trying to get someone's attention.

He waited, with bated breath, until she was there, dropping down onto the balcony beside him. She had been crying, that much he could see. Her eyes were red rimmed and the makeup she must have had on earlier had been imperfectly wiped off. There was a small black smudge on the top of her right cheek.

"Kakashi."

He swallowed thickly. "Sakura… I didn't think I'd see you again so soon."

Biting her lip, she took a step closer, and then another and another, until she was standing right beside him. His foot slid from the rail and he turned so they were standing almost chest to chest.

"Kakashi, I want it to be your business."

He frowned. "What?"

A shaky breath passed between her lips and she looked up at him through her lashes. "Who I go out with. I want it to be your business."

The tightness he had felt in his chest since he'd foolishly brought that up hours ago contracted. "Sakura… I—" She couldn't mean what he thought she did. Whatever it was from his future that was holding her back, surely wasn't something that could be solved by the Hokage. "I want that too, but you said… What's changed? Wasn't there… some future reason you were telling me no before?"

Unable to help himself, Kakashi reached up and gently wiped the makeup smudge from her cheek with his thumb. When she didn't flinch away—leaning slightly into his touch—he cautiously opened his hand to cup her cheek. She let her eyes flutter shut and a soft sigh escaped her lips.

"Everything's changed, Kakashi."

"How? What do you mean?"

Her hands came up to his chest, clutching his thin shirt. "I realized who I am here. I realized why I'm here."

His mind raced but it was fast clouding with feelings and emotions that were all completely new to him, making it hard to think. Who was she? She was Sakura, Hana… the scene from the market flashed into his mind. "Your fathers cousin."

She nodded slowly, his thumb absently tracing back and forth along her cheek.

"And what does that have to do with this?" His other hand came up to rest on her hip. "Why… Why are you here, Sakura?"

Her eyes finally opened and they bore into his, wide and green and shining in the moonlight. "I'm here for you, Kakashi."

The vice around his chest released all at once, an embarrassingly frail sounding breath catching on the way out. Guided completely by a sudden burning need, he leaned in as she reached for his face, sliding his mask down just in time for his lips to find hers.

She was here for him. Fourteen years in the past, for him. It sounded impossible. That thing she hadn't fully understood from his future, that significant relationship she must have been trying to make room for, was this—was them—all along. There were implications there. But he was too lost to her at that moment to think very hard about them.

Her arms wound around his neck, her hands carding through his hair. She was pressed against him and he clung to her, holding her to himself with all of his—he suddenly realized—waning strength. Not yet ready to let her go, he turned, letting his back hit the wall behind them as he continued to kiss her.

When he suddenly pulled back with a hiss, his head dropping against the wall, she immediately went into doctor mode. Rising up on her toes, her body pressing even harder against his, she cupped his face and made him look at her.

"Are you alright, Kakashi? What's wrong?" When she reached up with two fingers to open his eye wider so she could inspect it, he managed a breathy laugh and batted her away.

"I'm… I'm fine, Sakura. I'm just tired. You were right about all the exercise. I'm afraid if you weren't holding me up I might collapse."

"Oh." This time she did pull away fully, bracing his body with her arms. "Are you in any pain or are you just exhausted? How do your lungs feel?"

Trusting her not to let him fall, Kakashi relaxed fully, slumping in her arms. "Everything kind of burns. But I can't tell…" He gasped, breathing hard. "If that's from the exhaustion… or the kissing."

A beautiful smile he never wanted to look away from lit her face. "Well, maybe we should get you to bed. Do you think you can walk if I help you?"

He nodded. "Uh-huh. Um… will you stay? Please?"

Pivoting, she pulled his weight around her shoulders and slid open the door. "I'll stay as long as you need me, Kakashi."

As she helped him to bed, kicking off her shoes and climbing in beside him, he hoped she wouldn't mind if he needed her forever.

A/N I will say this though, I am currently struggling. She is going to be in the past for a total of two years. I don't want to show EVERY DAY of their cute life together. It will be extremely repetitive and annoying. ALSO I don't want to shoe horn in drama or action or something just for drama's sake. I thought about having a pregnant Sakura get kidnapped or something on a mission because burn-the-world-down how dare you touch my baby mamma angry men is like, my favorite trope. BUT it feels so off brand for this story. Like, it would be an obvious shoe in and would mess up the flow. SO is it going to be really fluffy and domestic before it gets sad and angsty? YEP. Are there going to be time skips and summaries? For sure. Now, as I am working through the last few months, I am having trouble deciding HOW MUCH to add and how much to leave out. Like, at what point is it going to be repetitive especially when we know more or less what is going to happen and just GET TO IT already babe! IF you have any thoughts on this please let me know. I really feel like I need feedback.