Chapter 15

Sakura

One-hundred and fourteen days into the past

"Maybe I should buy more clothes…" Sakura hadn't really thought about her miniscule wardrobe before. She had three different qipao, and two sets of Jōnin blues. It was all she needed. But hanging in her side of the closet next to Kakashi's clothes—several sets of uniforms, sweats, a Jōnin vest, the nice black shirt he'd worn on their first date, and a haori—it felt a little… sad. They'd been living together for a month and she hadn't even thought about it. Now, it felt like a sudden reminder that she wasn't home.

Kakashi crossed the room to stand beside her, running a finger along his jaw in thought as he observed their shared closet. He didn't say anything, letting her collect her thoughts.

"I… hadn't really thought about it but…" She ran her hand across the hangers. "I used to have one of Naruto-kun's jackets, a dress Ino-pig got me for a birthday that was way too revealing for my tastes…" She thought about the pink sweats with little kunai all over them that Kazuki had got for her that same birthday three years before that she lived in all winter, and all the other civilian clothes she had collected over the years.

It was strange that something as silly as her clothes could make her feel homesick.

"Hm. You could always wear my clothes during the day as well."

Sakura laughed at the concern in his voice, elbowing him when she caught the smirk. "No thank you. You're too tall, they'd swamp me."

The smirk widened. "I like the way you look in my shirts."

Blushing, Sakura ducked her head and smiled. She hadn't stopped wearing his shirts to bed since he'd gotten home. More often than not, they'd ended up tossed on the floor long before she'd done any sleeping. "Oh yeah?"

"Of course… I like the way you look out of them even more."

"Tch." She tugged on the shirt he was wearing, eyeing the pale, well muscled skin beneath. "I could say the same about you, Kakashi."

His smirk melted into something entirely different as he turned to face her fully. "What were we doing today?"

Staring up into his dark, mismatched eyes, Sakura couldn't remember anything they might have planned. All she could think about was how beautiful he was, and how good he made her feel—how she knew she made him feel.

He belongs to you.

"Kakashi…" Her breathing hitched as he leaned in, grabbing her wrist and pulling her closer.

"Nothing important?" His breath ghosted across her face, the tip of his nose grazing her cheek.

"No?"

The corner of his lips turned up right before they met hers. "Good." They kissed—her lack of wardrobe long forgotten—Kakashi slowly backing her up until she was pressed firmly against the wall. When she gasped, he deepened the kiss. Both of his hands reached for her thighs, picking her up as she hooked her legs around his waist.

"Kakashi…" His name fell from her lips as his wandered from hers, kissing and nipping along her jaw, down her neck. She thought she heard a light knocking but all she could focus on was what he was doing to her. It came again, slightly louder and cutting through the haze. Her head lolled to the side and she frowned at the door. What were they doing today? "Kaka—"

Whatever she had been about to say evaporated along with all remaining coherent thought when he pressed against her just so, his mouth on her breast.

"Oh… oh!" A muffled giggle.

"Aiko I can't see—Ha!—Ouch, woman!"

Kakashi pulled his face away from her suddenly, looking towards the sudden commotion on their balcony , Sakura gasping at the sudden loss of contact. Before she realized what was happening, he'd dropped her thighs and tugged down her skirt, moving to step around her so he was blocking her from view.

"We had plans today, didn't we?" His voice sounded rough, but when he glanced back over his shoulder at her—mask back in place—his one open eye looked amused.

"Oh, shit." Quickly righting herself, and running her hands through her hair, Sakura peeked over his shoulder.

Aiko and Genma looked cautiously around the half opened curtains through the balcony door. When they saw that they'd successfully interrupted, they both waved awkwardly. Genma wore a wicked smirk, senbon rolling between his teeth.

Huffing a sigh and shaking his head, Kakashi turned back to face her—adjusting himself—before stalking across the room to let them in. "Yo."

Aiko was blushing to the roots of her hair, but her expression matched her companions. "Guess you forgot we were coming over, huh."

Embarrassed and hoping they hadn't seen anything, Sakura chuckled. "It uh… may have slipped our minds. Why didn't you knock?"

"We did." Genma looked entirely too pleased. "Several times. We were worried you might be dead, so we thought we'd better check."

Bastard. They knew exactly what they were probably interrupting and decided to peek anyway. "Uh huh." Kakashi crossed his arms and glared daggers at his teammate, obviously having reached the same conclusion.

"Anyway… are you two ready to go, or do you need a minute… or ten?"

Kakashi tsk'd in irritation, throwing a kunai Sakura hadn't realized he'd had on him at his friend, sinking it into the wall just beside his head. "We're coming."

Genma snorted but didn't dare open his mouth again, ushering a giggling Aiko out the front door. Once they were gone, Kakashi sighed and looked down at her. Sakura's face burned behind her hands. "Oh my gosh those two are an absolute nightmare together."

He scoffed and she looked up at him between her fingers. "Why are we doing this again?"

She smiled, letting him pull her hands away from her face. "Because it will be fun, and you're both leaving again tomorrow?"

Huffing, Kakashi peered down at her rumpled clothes and glanced at their closet. "Well, you'd better hurry up and decide what you're wearing. If we're not downstairs in three minutes they'll probably be back." He paused, thoughtful. "I'd go with the green."

"Oh!" Sakura gasped and rushed back to the closet, remembering why she'd been contemplating her clothes to begin with. She had somehow managed to convince Kakashi to join Aiko and Genma for a sort of double date. He had surprised her by agreeing without much cajoling.

Yanking the green qipao off the hanger—and glancing back out the window to be sure there wasn't anyone peeping again—Sakura changed quickly. Swiping on her lipstick, she met Kakashi at the door and slipped into her shoes. "Ready!"

He was smiling behind his mask. "You look nice."

Reaching up on her toes, she kissed his cheek just as an impatient Genma shouted at them to hurry up from the other side of the door.

KSK

One-hundred and forty-two days into the past

His last mission had ended poorly. They'd been gone five days and both of his teammates had come home injured. Thankfully not too badly, and it gave them an extra week off from the rotation at least. Kakashi was the only one unhurt, and for reasons Sakura thought she understood, it bothered him.

For two whole days, he tried to sort through his thoughts himself. She didn't say anything when he came to bed late, the shower waking her so he didn't join her smelling like an ashtray. He had clung to her the first night back—not wanting anything more than to hold her while he slept—and when she had initiated the second night, he was a fair bit rougher with her than usual. This would not have been a problem for Sakura, if she hadn't known he had only lost control because he was so upset.

He had apologized afterward, barely able to look at her as he'd slipped outside to sit and smoke on the roof. Sakura had contemplated joining him, but recognized his need to self-flagellate in private. After his shower when he'd slipped in behind her, she rolled over to face him. Before she had the chance to say anything, he'd wrapped himself around her, burying his face in the crook of her neck.

She had sighed, running her hands through his damp hair and decided any talking could wait till morning.

Sakura woke first, taking a moment to observe his face—it was tense, even in sleep. Sighing, she brushed the hair from his face and pressed her cheek to his forehead. She had wondered if this was about more than just Genma and Tenzō getting hurt. If his continued lack of peaceful sleep was any indication, it probably was.

He stirred, tightening his hold on her briefly before freezing and then—a heavy sigh. "Sakura…"

His voice was thick with sleep and shame. "I'm sorry about—"

"Stop it." She turned her face so she could look into his one open eye. "Please don't apologize for that again. You don't need to."

"But I—"

"You didn't hurt me, Kakashi. In fact, if I hadn't been so distracted knowing how upset you were, I would've…" She blushed. "I would have enjoyed it."

His brows nearly found his hairline, intrigued despite himself. "Really?"

"Yes. So please stop worrying about that too." He sighed again, looking away. "But… I think we need to talk about what's really bothering you." When he started to pull away, she held tighter. "I won't force you, Kakashi, but it's been days and you're clearly wrecked about it. This isn't just about Genma and Tenzō, is it?"

He didn't answer at first, sitting up on the edge of the bed but careful not to let go of her hand. "No… yes?" He sighed, hanging his head. "I had a plan, and it fell apart. When I realized we were in danger and I had to think of something fast, I… panicked. All of the things I thought of were incredibly reckless, and would have resulted in at least me sustaining heavy injuries. So I just…" He inhaled deeply through his nose and held out his free hand in defeat. "Froze. I froze and they suffered for it."

Sitting up too, Sakura curled herself around his back. She lay her cheek between his shoulders and wrapped her arms around his waist. This was her fault. "I'm in your head now. I'm sorry, Kakashi I didn't mean—"

"No!" He tightened his grip on her hands on his waist and shook his head. "This wasn't…" A frustrated sigh passed his lips. "This wasn't your fault. I need to keep my promise to you. It's important and it wasn't wrong of you to ask something so simple of me. It's just—" He fell silent, running his thumbs absently across the back of her arms where he held her as though he didn't even realize he was doing it. "I have spent most of my life not worrying about myself—about whether I live or die, or get the shit beaten out of me and have to be put back together. Even though I was getting better about that before I met you, I hadn't really adjusted my thinking. I'm not used to having someone need me to come home in one piece."

It hurt her heart, but she knew it was true. He may have been trying to save Tenzō, but trading places with him had almost gotten him killed. Before her, in his mind, no one would have even mourned him. And from what she knew about the younger shinobi's skills, at least in her time, he could have easily done a body swap himself. Maybe he hadn't had the chance. More likely, he wasn't as skilled as he would be one day. New training methods, and new preplanned and practiced movements and routines could help with that.

"That by itself wouldn't be a big deal. I can work on that. We can change how we train…" Another sigh and he turned his head. Sakura followed his gaze to the picture of his first team. "But I am responsible for my team. And I failed them. They could have…" His voice broke and he looked back down at the floor. He sniffed hard and his shoulders shook and Sakura realized he was holding back tears.

Getting up, she slid around him to kneel between his feet, cupping his face. His eyes were squeezed tight, but it hadn't stopped a few tears from slipping free. "Kakashi?" He choked on a sob, desperate to hold it in. "Kakashi…" Sakura leaned forward, pressing her forehead to his.

"I don't want to be responsible for any more of my friends' deaths, Sakura…"

"Oh, Kakashi…" She held him as he broke, sliding to the floor with her and burying his face in the crook of her neck. Sakura couldn't help weeping too. It broke her heart how much he'd been hurt and she doubted he had ever had anyone to comfort him when it all became too much. Thinking of him all alone, even younger than he was now—a child—crying himself to sleep in an empty apartment only made her hold him tighter, cry for him harder.

Eventually he stilled—his head now in her lap, face pressed to her stomach—and she thought he'd fallen asleep. His voice, now ragged, startled her when it vibrated against her hip. "Do you know how Obito died?"

He wasn't dead. But telling him that now wouldn't do anyone any good. It could start a war. "Yes." When he tightened his grip, she amended. "That wasn't your fault, Kakashi. He chose to die for you. Like it would have been your choice to die for Tenzō if I hadn't been here."

His answering sigh was warm along her skin as he nuzzled closer. "I wish you could have been there."

Sakura ran a hand through his hair, wondering what to say. Knowing what had happened, she wasn't sure even she could have saved him. He had only been saved, given half his body back, thanks to the white Zetsu. She had no idea what else Madara had had to do to save him.

Kakashi spoke again before she had the chance to come up with anything to say. "Minato-sensei… his death wasn't my fault. I know that, but Rin—" He made a pained, soft, heart-broken sound that tore at Sakura as he clung to her tighter. She looked back at the team picture, at the smiling little girl that suddenly reminded her of herself. "I killed her, Sakura. I killed her with my own hands."

She stared hard at the ceiling to keep from crying again at his admission. There had to be more to the story. Wanting to know, but keeping to her word not to force him, Sakura held him close, continuing to run a hand through his hair as she waited.

Slowly, through more angry tears and with lots of long pauses as he relived the memories, he told her what happened. It was horrific. And while she understood that Rin wanted, needed, to die to protect the village, part of her hated her for forcing Kakashi to carry the burden of her death. Every time he used his chidori, as he did often, did he see her face? Did he relive that moment every time the familiar lightning ended another enemy's life? It was such an intimate way to kill someone, close enough to see the light leave their eyes. Did he always see her face?

It wasn't fair of her to have forced him to kill her. It was cruel. But Sakura could imagine Rin might have felt it was her only option. And their sacrifice saved the village.

So she told him so. She held him tight as she murmured against his temple that it wasn't his fault. That he shouldn't blame himself. If Rin had truly loved him, she wouldn't have wanted him to carry the guilt of her death, to let it eat away at him for the rest of his life.

She was almost positive he didn't fully believe her, even if intellectually he knew it was true. That kind of guilt, that kind of pain, wasn't easily let go of.

This time when Kakashi stilled, his breathing evening out, he really was asleep. Sakura watched him, his face almost peaceful. She brushed her fingers along his face and through his hair and wished desperately that she didn't have to leave him too. He already carried so much, it killed Sakura that she was going to add more sorrow to his life. He didn't deserve it.

KSK

One-hundred and fifty-six days into the past

"What do you want to do today?"

Kakashi sighed thoughtfully, twiddling his fingers and watching her with amusement. It was raining heavily and they both had the day off. It also happened to be his birthday. From experience, Sakura knew that wasn't something that he liked to make a big deal about. "Let's stay in, drink tea, eat some junk food and read together, maybe summon Pakkun." His face wrinkled with mirth. "Don't tell him I told you but, he likes quiet afternoons and cuddles."

That sounded perfect to Sakura. She smirked. "If we're picking up where we left off in Icha Icha, it might not be a 'quiet afternoon' for long."

He chuckled, standing from the couch and joining her in the kitchen. "He can take himself for a walk if he needs to. So, sound good? I can run down the street to the corner store for some snacks."

Smiling, Sakura pulled him closer by his shirt. "Get me something sweet."

He wrinkled his nose but leaned down to kiss her. "I can do that."

"Can you summon Pakkun before you go?"

In answer, he picked up a kunai he'd left lying on the table and sliced his thumb. Hmm, he will have to get better about leaving weapons around someday.

Sakura watched him crouch to summon Pakkun, and couldn't help but imagine the pug chasing after a toddling, pink haired little boy carrying an ill-gotten kunai. It brought a sad smile to her face, and she had to turn away to hide her misty eyes.

"Hey boss. Hm." He sniffed around the room. "Quiet rainy day in?"

Kakashi hummed in assent.

The pug made a show of sighing in irritation, but even Sakura could tell he didn't really mind. "Well, I guess I didn't have anything else going on today. Oh. Happy birthday, kid." He trotted over to Sakura in the kitchen, Kakashi muttering a 'thanks' as he headed for the door. "Got anything to eat, Hana-chan?"

She smiled down at him, reaching into a cupboard and the small fridge for different ingredients. "Actually, I picked up the stuff to make something for you. Kakashi's stepping out to get us some snacks, so I thought I'd make some for you."

His ears perked up, completely ignoring Kakashi's 'goodbye Pakkun' as he left. "Liver and peanut butter?"

"Yes!" She chuckled as she pulled a chair over from the table so he could sit closer. "Kakashi told me it was your favorite." He had not. In fact, it had been Pakkun himself that told her when she was thirteen, and wanted to thank him after a particularly dangerous mission. But this Pakkun didn't need to know that. She wasn't sure if she should tell the ninken about her time travel yet.

"He's a good kid." He eagerly accepted the bit of raw liver she tossed him. "You're not so bad yourself."

Sakura couldn't help the grin. "Thank you, Pakkun."

He snuffled and sat back on his haunches. "I've known Kakashi for a long time. Since before his father… died."

She glanced down at him. "Oh yeah?" She sighed. "The Third should have been there for Sakumo. He failed his father and he failed Kakashi." Naruto's sweet, sad face came to mind. "It seems like caring for his shinobi as people, beyond their usefulness to the village, isn't his strong suit."

Pakkun sighed. "Uneasy lies the head." He shook his ears. "I wouldn't want to be responsible for the entire village. Couldn't pay me enough. Especially during wartime. But you're right, Kakashi and his Sensei's kid fell through the cracks."

She paused, frowning. "They both deserved better."

Sensing her mood, Pakkun butted his head against her hip. "He has you now, Hana-chan. You make him happy. And Naruto will be ok too."

She couldn't help it. Dammit.

"Hana-chan? Are you ok?"

"I'm fine…" She sniffled hard and wiped her face. "I'm fine. You're right. Naruto will be fine. So. Do you want these raw or baked?"

KSK

Sakura thought she might love rainy days. They had propped up their pillows and her extra duvet and gotten cozy in bed. The sheets would need washing for all the food crumbs and Pakkun hair, but it would be worth it. Icha Icha Paradise was held between them as they cuddled close to read the artfully written smut and eat their snacks. Pakkun had over indulged in the treats and passed out in their pillow pile, snoring softly.

She stroked one of his silky ears between her fingers idly as she read. They had already finished the book together once and were almost halfway through again. This chapter happened to be her favorite. The busty heroine and her amorous young lover's increasingly athletic lovemaking had reached a pitch. Sakura was incredibly turned on but increasingly unsure if the described positions were even physically possible. She was trying very hard to picture what was described.

"Wait! Not yet!"

Kakashi snickered but let the page fall back. "Do you like this scene or something?"

Blushing, she tried to glare at him but he only laughed harder. "Well, kind of. They're so in love and he is so dedicated to her pleasure here, it's sweet… but I was actually really trying to picture this bit." She pointed to the passage in particular. "I'm not sure this is actually possible. It sounds… acrobatic?"

"Hmm." He squinted at the passage. "You might be right. I was under the impression that Jiraiya-sama did most of the research for this himself." He frowned. "That's an image I don't need."

Chuckling, Sakura very deliberately slid her hand up Kakashi's thigh, letting her pinky and ring fingers tease him just enough to get his attention. "You know… if you were up for it, we could test it out. It is your birthday, after all." She looked up at him through her lashes in time to see his eyes widen before scanning the page again. "And if it's an impossible imagining of the author's mind—" She flipped the book to another page that they had in fact already played out. "I know you really enjoyed this scene, Kakashi."

Clearing his throat, he reached down to wake his sleeping summons. "Hey, hey Pakkun." The pug peeked open an eye, glancing between them with an embarrassingly knowing smirk. "You uh… wanna take a walk or uh, something?"

He huffed and rolled over, leaping down from the bed only to hop up onto the couch across the room. "Humans. So prudish. I'm too tired for a walk." Circling twice, he made himself comfortable facing away from them and was snoring soundly again in seconds.

Kakashi sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose before giving her an apologetic look. Leaning over him, she watched Pakkun for a few seconds, trying to decide if he was really asleep. Well, really he was just a dog. So what if he could talk?

Biting her lip, she let herself fall back onto the bed, gripping Kakashi's shirt and pulling him over on top of herself. "Forget it. Grab the book and lose the pants, baby."

He grinned against her lips as he did what she said. "Yes, ma'am."

KSK

Two-hundred and thirteen days into the past

Sakura inhaled deeply, pressing her cheek against Kakashi's chest and tightening her hold around his waist. He responded, curling around her and kissing the top of her head before nuzzling into her hair. There was a sweet, still tingling ache between her thighs where he had just been, and Sakura wanted nothing more than to lie there with him forever, basking in that pleasant hum of afterglow.

But he had to leave soon. He had to meet his team before dawn at the gates for a week-long mission in the land of Wind. And this Kakashi was never late—she had been right about that. So she had woken—more than an hour before he needed to be up—to lingering kisses on her neck and breasts, and insistent touches along her thighs and beneath the edges of her lace panties.

Sakura thought she would like to be woken up in that manner every day.

"Promise me you won't be reckless, Kakashi?"

It was something she reminded him of every time he left—a solemn, repeated request, a prayer. She needed him to always remember this promise, long after she was gone. Just in case.

His arms slid around her, pulling her closer and encouraging her to look up into his mismatched eyes. "I promise. Sakura…" Callused fingers caressed her cheek, his thumb tracing her lips. Her gaze felt trapped by the intensity of his. "I love you."

Her heart clenched painfully, but she smiled. "I love you too, Kakashi."

The corners of his lips turned up before he kissed her, once… twice, then pressed his face into her neck. "I'm sorry I have to get up and leave you now."

Sakura sighed. "What do you want to do when you get home?"

"Hm." She felt his face grow hot against her skin as he tightened his grip on her. All of a sudden he was pulling back and looking at her seriously again. "Marry me?"

Sakura gasped, covering her smile with her hands. "You've only just decided you love me. You want to get married already?"

He smirked. "Wrong. I've only just worked up to telling you. I'm riding out the moment. Besides, we've been living together for three months. What would your mother say?"

Kakashi grinned as she laughed for a moment before sobering. He pressed a kiss to her palm when she reached to cup his cheek. "Are you really asking?"

"I am." His silver hair fell across his face as he stared earnestly into her green eyes. "Will you marry me, Sakura?"

Ignoring the voice in her head that wanted to remind her how little time they had—how every milestone in their relationship was a step closer to the end—Sakura let a smile split her face.

"Yes. Yes I'll marry you, Kakashi."

He came home seven days later with a heavily engraved gold band he'd bought her in Suna. It was beautiful.

A/N Yes. They're relationships is moving fast. Is it necessary for my plot? Yes. Do I feel like they're both young and in love and taking this thing very seriously? Also yes.