When Audrey's drinking alienates her from the gang, she spends the summer in Lawndale, with Jane. Things come to a head over dinner with the Morgendorffer family.
This chapter borrows elements from the Dawson's Creek episode Merry Mayhem (s06e10).
The theme song for this Chapter is She Hates Me by Puddle of Mudd
Boston, late last fall
Daria and Joey were preparing to make an announcement, when a nearly naked, and very drunken Audrey stumbled into the room, followed shortly by a nearly naked Charlie.
"uh oh" he said, followed quickly by "hey, my voice is back" with a look of surprise on his face
Casa de Lane, Lawndale
Audrey stumbled into the kitchen, looking for something to drink, when she bumped into Trent.
"Hey, who are you?" Audrey asked, clearly intoxicated and slightly confused
"I'm Trent, I live here. Who are you?" Trent said, noticing the bags under her eyes
"I'm Audrey, I..." Audrey almost vomited, but managed to keep it down, while leaning against the counter, and nearly falling forwards
"Oh right, the singer" Trent realized who she was
"I hear you're a singer yourself"
"You could say that, you alright?" Trent said, coughing
"Nothing a little hair of the dog won't fix"
"Cool" Trent said, with his usual laid-back expression, but was actually quite worried
"I think she has a problem" Trent said to Jane
"Audrey? No, she just has a bubbly personality" Jane insisted, with a slightly annoyed look on her face
"I've seen this before" Trent said, with a slightly broody expression
"This isn't like Lindy. Audrey can take care of herself. Besides, its her business. Why do you care anyway? You and the boys get wasted every weekend" Jane was becoming increasingly annoyed
"That's different. We're not doing it round the clock. We know when to..." Trent trailed off into a coughing fit, and slightly doubled over
"Quit? Your lungs would say otherwise" Jane quipped
Trent said nothing, and just gave a stare.
"By the way, the Morgendorffers have invited us to dinner tomorrow night. Don't mess this up!" Jane said, switching gears
"Hey, I'm cool" Trent insisted, and it was his turned to look a little annoyed
Before dinner, Audrey excused herself to go and use the bathroom, where she touched up her make up, and raided the Morgendorffer medicine cabinet.
"Nobody likes you, and don't you forget it" she reminded herself in the mirror, with a mixture of enthusiasm and self loathing
Upon returning to the dining room, Jane introduced Audrey to Quinn, whom Audrey declared cool. Then Jake began serving dinner.
"So, Audrey, what do you study?" Helen asked
"I'm a drama major" Audrey said
"And what brings you to Lawndale?" Jake asked, not realizing he may have hit a nerve. Trent and Jane winced at the question
"Well, the Capeside dorks got sick of me, so I figured it was either here, or spend the summer with my mother, and if you knew my mom, well, I'd rather eat broken glass..." Audrey was beginning to slur her words, and seemed to be struggling to stay awake and lucid
"Are you alright?" Quinn asked, genuinely worried "You seem..."
And the room became very tense while Quinn thought of what to say.
"Have you been drinking?" Quinn immediately regretted asking this, and an awkward look came over her
"Oh, here we go" Audrey said, rolling her eyes
"Here comes the judgment and the hypocrisy. You want to know the truth? The truth is, you peaked in high school, so get ready, because its all downhill from here" with vitriol in her voice
She then turned to Trent and said "and you can ask Mr cool here all about that. Mr tall, dark and pitiful. You're never getting your big break, you're gonna be playing weddings and birthday parties for the rest of your life" Audrey was hitting her stride
"Audrey!" Jane said, with a mixture of empathy and frustration
"And if I do have a problem, its your fault for enabling me this whole time" almost spitting at Jane
"Hey!" Jake said, not know what else to say
"Oh look, its the basket case who plays dumb to not inflict his trauma on everyone, except after a while, its not an act. I did like your pills though. Hey Jakey, tell me about military school..." this turned Jake into a blubbering mess.
At this point, Helen stood up, and thought about what to say, but before she could open her mouth, Audrey addressed her.
"Well, if it isn't discount Hillary Clinton in a discount Hillary Clinton pantsuit. Tell me, does focusing on work so much block out the little voice in your head, that voice that tells you you're a sell out? That's right, I know what you got up to in the 60s, and I actually have a question. I'm thinking of getting into psychedelics. You got any recommendations?" This prompted Helen to sit back down, deflated.
"And as for you, Miss, no Queen of Judgmental
Wait, where's Miss Misery?" Audrey asked, confused
Everyone was silent for a moment. Jane eventually piped up.
"She's in Highland. Apparently, some old friends of hers were in trouble with the law."
"Did she say anything about these old friends?" Helen asked, confused, as Daria didn't exactly make friends in Highland.
"Just that they were a pair of boys who had some kind of learning disability, or something, and something about a high school teacher..."
That was all the information Helen needed. She quickly stood up, grabbing her keys, cell phone and handbag and rushed out the door. A moment later, Audrey concluded her diatribe.
"Well, I'm done being judged by all you hypocrites. Later, motherfuckers" Audrey said, kissing the backs of her middle fingers before pointing them towards everyone, grabbing Trent's keys, and leaving dramatically. A moment later, there was a crashing sound, and the whole house seemed to shake. There was also loud music coming from what sounded like a car stereo. The song was She Hates Me by Puddle of Mudd. They all rushed into the living room, where the sound had come from, to see that Audrey had crashed the Tank into the front of the Morgendorffer house.
As Helen drove off, she glanced into the rear view mirror, and saw Audrey get into the Tank, back out and then crash into the house. But by that point, she was already focused on where she was going, and couldn't deal with it right now. She would have to deal with this when she got back.
Jane opened the door to the Tank, which made the music much louder, and Audrey practically fell out the door. Jane helped Audrey to her feet, at which point it became obvious, she was barely conscious.
"Okay, I admit it, I'm drunk. But I do NOT have a drinking problem" she yelled defiantly, and barely conscious, before completely passing out.
Jane sprang into action, while everyone else panicked and froze.
"Okay, first things first, Quinn, grab her legs" Jane said, holding Audrey by the shoulders. The two then carried her inside, and placed her onto the couch.
"Now, Trent, go home, get the tarp and duct tape from the garage and come straight back. Got it?"
Trent started like a rabbit in the headlights. Jane then grabbed a marker and wrote Tarp and Duct Tape on his hand, and said "Now, go now!" and then he left.
"Jake, I assume you have homeowners insurance?"
"Helen handles all that stuff" having a similar look on his face to Trent
"Do you know where she keeps the info about it?"
"In her nightstand, I think" he said, noncommittally
"Good, go and get it" which Jake did.
Jane then turned to Quinn. "I know you dated a lot of guys in High School. Were any of them handymen, or did any of them have dads that were?"
"Maybe, I'd have to check my Rolodex" Quinn said, clearly thinking about it
"Okay, do that now" and then she found the cordless phone and made a call of her own.
"Hi Jen. I think I'm going to need your help. Jack too, if he's able" Jane said, hurriedly
When Trent got home, he found someone waiting for him in the garage.
"Lindy" he said, shocked
"Its good to see you again Trent. I just..." Lindy trailed off awkwardly
"Whatever it is, I don't have time. I need to find..." his mind blanked, but Lindy noticed the note on his hand
"a tarp and some duct tape?"
"Wow, how did you know?" Trent was confused
"Don't worry about that. The tarp is right here" she said pointing to it, adding "you should have some duct tape in the Tank"
"Oh yeah" Trent said, opening the door, and immediately finding it. Lindy placed the tarp inside and said "do you want to explain this?" she asked, pointing to the damage on the front
"Its a long story, and I don't really have time. I really have to go" he said, desperately
"Can I come with, maybe you can explain on the way?" she suggested
"Sure, why not" Trent said, before launching into a coughing fit, as rain began to fall.
Audrey awoke to find a large number of people staring at her.
"Oh great, its Howdy Doody Time" she said, sarcastically, and struggling with the brightness of the light in the room
"How are you feeling, Audrey?" Jane asked, trying to seem sympathetic
"Like I was run over by a Tank" Audrey said, looking over the faces, seeing a few new ones that weren't present last night.
"Oh look, its tri-sexual Lindley and her beard, Mr Internalized Homophobia, and, wait, who are you?" she said with equal parts contempt and confusion
"I'm just someone who's been where you are and..." Lindy began
"Uh oh, this is an intervention, isn't it?" This comment alone brought the level of tension in the room down significantly.
"Well, I guess I'm going to stupid rehab again..." Audrey said, annoyed, but accepting her situation
TO BE CONTINUED...