Big Mom Pirates on a Rampage
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The Big Mom Pirates are on a rampage.
After being denied her favorite breakfast confiture, the female Emperor has turned her gaze upon the innocents she deemed responsible. Her monstrous children were sighted on the Isle of Jam three days ago, though despite initial fears, the island is miraculously intact.
The residents of the Isle of Jam (not to be confused with Jam Island in Totto Land) reported that a diplomatic delegation lead by Charlotte Dacquoise had come bearing a written ultimatum.
Supply Big Mom with jam or die.
This marks the second time an Emperor's crew has made incursions into Paradise since Whitebeard's disastrous attempt several weeks prior. One can only fear the chaos that will follow should these beasts be continued to be allowed to roam free.
And yet even in the face of such danger (according to firsthand accounts by the loyal master jam makers themselves) the jam makers refused to hand over the heavenly tribute and resisted fiercely when the pirates decided to rob the entire shipment with one of them suffering debilitating wounds. To quote one worker, "A bruised pinky finger has severe consequences on the quality of jam produced."
It looked like these criminals would get away with their ill-gotten gains but the gods are merciful. A naval squadron sent by the celestial dragons to pick up their weekly shipment chanced upon the pirates just as they were leaving the docks and bravely engaged them in battle.
The resultant fight was, of course, completely one-sided.
The pirates suffered heavy casualties, though the number varies greatly, from some sources quoting a realistic 76% to others spouting obvious falsehoods such as that there had been none.
Unfortunately, the marines failed to eradicate the threat entirely due to a small group of Beast Pirates intervening in the pursuit, attacking both sides indiscriminately.
Seeing as the interlopers were more interested in stealing the jam shipment than in offensive action against the marines, our brave boys decided to temporarily vacate the area and leave the pirates to fight each other instead like the brutes they are.
But by the time our single marine ship returned to the site of the battle, neither of the pirate ships was to be seen. Due to their extensive experience in such matters, the guards were able to conclude within minutes that both ships must have sunk to the bottom of the sea together, and with them the entire shipment of special strawberry jam.
The thirty second battle of Jam had wide reaching consequences, from which not even the holy land of Mariejois was spared. A government speaker let slip that the pain of the celestial dragons was immeasurable, having to forgo their beloved confiture and being forced to be satisfied with having only 332 types of different fruit spreads available for breakfast rather than the usual 333.
To alleviate the crisis, a worldwide system of rationing will be implemented until such a time that the supply chain is no longer under threat.
Meanwhile, the entire new world is trembling as Big Mom's screams become louder every day.
The marine corps has assured us that a solution will be found shortly and have asked the citizens to remain calm. We wish the marines the best of luck.
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This was Marineford Daily reporting.