Chapter 3 - Hoping It Reaches You In Time
Author's Note: Ben and Rey figure out more about who they used to be. :)
~ Amina Gila
Rey has no idea why she's almost feeling nostalgic as she walks through a Separatist cruiser of all things, but they finally reach a vault deep inside where she can sense someone. Except their Force presence is strangely quiet, and when they enter the room, she can see why.
The only thing in there is a stasis chamber of some kind. The person must be... in there?!
Ben approaches it cautiously, pushing the buttons on the side to deactivate it. The contraption hisses open, to reveal a... clone trooper?
Rey could swear something about him looks familiar, even if she's never seen one before. And how is one of them still alive, when the war ended so long ago? From the little she knows of history, she thought they were all already dead. "What...?" she squeaks, staring at him wide-eyed as she feels his Force presence start to waken, for presumably the first time in... so long.
And all this time, he's been sleeping. Everyone he ever knew is probably gone. She can't imagine what that would even be like, for as much as that feeling haunts her sometimes. It wasn't like this. She might have been somewhere else once, but she's here now, and this is where she belongs. That's not true for him, who missed decades of his life, decades he'll never get back. It's not true for this clone, probably one of the very last remaining ones alive.
"Where... where am I?" he stammers, and she can feel his instant surge of panic.
"We just found you?" Rey offers, instantly stepping forwards to steady him before he falls. Something inside her whispers fiercely that he's familiar, which is stupid, because she doesn't know any clones.
"You don't understand," he yells, pulling away, and clearly, he's not talking to them, not really. His mind is trapped on whatever was happening before he was frozen. "I'm a medic. And I... I learned something... something horrible. Fives knew... He's the one who figured it all out after Tup, and it got him killed. But I kept investigating. They said it was a virus..."
What is he talking about? And why does it sound so familiar?
"A chip in our heads," he continues, "In all the clones' heads! And an order. A command to betray... kill... And it comes from the Chancellor! The Seppies... captured me. Interrogated me to find out who else knew." He's practically shaking now, and she doesn't really understand what he's saying about the Chancellor? He must mean the Chancellor of the Republic, who would've been her grandfather, but maybe he's referring to something that started long before that. "I never had a chance to tell anyone else what I learned. I didn't know who I could trust. But I wouldn't tell them anyway... so they said... They said they were sending me to someone I couldn't keep secrets from, to the Sith. The cold, the freezing, burning cold..."
He staggers and then collapses to the floor, though he's still somewhat conscious.
The Sith?
What?
But that – that doesn't make sense. The Sith wouldn't... (But then she can't help remembering the Death Star again.)
"What's your name?" Ben tries prodding, crouching in front of him. He looks as uncertain and confused as Rey herself feels. She feels entirely lost, and she has no idea what to do. How is she supposed to tell this person that he's from another time?
"I can still – still save them," he rambles out, "Skywalker..."
Rey and Ben still at once. What?
"Get me General Skywalker. He'll help. You – you're Jedi too?" His gaze flicks to the lightsabers they both have. "We can save... save the Jedi still. Save the Republic!"
"You don't mean Luke Skywalker, do you?" Ben clarifies, even if they already know the answer.
The clone just looks confused. "My General, Anakin Skywalker."
What?! Anakin was his General? Rey still remembers what Luke was saying about him, that he's his father. And if it's Anakin's life that she keeps having dreams of, that might actually explain why Luke felt so familiar when she first saw him. And it would explain why everything the clone is saying now makes so much sense, yet no sense at all. "What's your name?" she echoes Ben's earlier question.
"Kix," he rasps, "They called me... Kix." And with that, he slips into unconsciousness.
"What do we do now?" Rey asks, uncertainly.
Ben leans closer to check and make sure Kix is stable, before he awkwardly picks him up. "We'll have to take him out of here. Get him to a medcenter."
**w**
They stay near the medcenter for him to awaken, even if it takes a couple days for the worst of the side effects of being in stasis so long to start wearing off. Rey insists on them being allowed to see him as soon as he's coherent enough.
She can feel Kix's fear and confusion, but he doesn't look quite as out-of-it as he did the last time.
"You're – you're Jedi?" Kix asks finally, eyeing them.
"We are," Ben replies, "But not of a time you remember."
What is a good way to break this news to him? She doesn't think there is a way. "You've been in stasis for a long time," she offers quietly. "I don't know what you found, but the – the Republic fell a long time ago." She hates herself for telling him, but someone has to.
Kix stares at them, for a long pause. "How long has it been?" he asks, faintly, "What happened?"
"Several... decades."
"Decades?!"
"Yeah," Ben responds, and his tone is slightly heavy now. He understands the situation just as much as Rey does. "Anakin Skywalker was my grandfather. He's been dead for years."
"He..." Kix trails off, and she feels his horror and sharp pang of grief and disbelief. They just stand there, giving him as long as he needs to process. "He's gone?" Kix asks, finally, "What happened to him?"
"No one really knows," Ben answers, voice measured in a way that gives Rey the impression there's more than he's saying. "But the Jedi fell, and the remnants have created a new Order."
"And the clones – Did... did they turn on them?" he asks.
This is what he was trying to prevent, wasn't it? Rey can't imagine how he must feel, knowing that that failed. She has no idea how to feel about any of this, though, because the Empire was a good thing, wasn't it? That's what Sidious always told her, and she doesn't know what to think now that she's... hearing things like this. Obviously, there's flaws in everything and she doesn't know how much her grandfather did or didn't know about it, but...
"Many did, but some helped the Jedi escape. They helped in the Rebellion to overthrow the Empire. There's a New Republic now," Ben replies.
"I know this is... hard," Rey offers. Hard is such an understatement to the point that it sounded like useless commentary. "I... We'll do whatever we can to help you. I don't know if any of your... brothers are left out there, but we'll see."
Kix nods, though now he just feels mostly numb in the Force. He's probably in shock.
"You have time to figure out what you want to do now," Ben says, "You're not ready to leave the medbay next."
"You said there's a New Republic?" he asks, "I... I always served the Republic."
"They'll help you," he assures, and Rey can't deny her relief, hearing that. "We can drop you off somewhere once you're ready to leave."
"Thank you, sir," Kix offers, numbly.
Rey wishes there was something more she could do for him. She wants to help him, but she has no idea how to. Really, there's nothing she can do.
**w**
"We're close to where my parents live," Ben comments, after they've dropped off Kix. This was certainly a strange turn in how the mission went, but he's glad they were able to find him now, instead of even further in the future.
"Your parents?" Rey echoes, "You mean... Senator Organa?"
"Yes. Why?" He can't help his amusement at how alarmed she sounds.
"I – I've never meant anyone important before," she objects.
"Don't worry, she won't bite," he promises.
Rey huffs. "I know, but I..."
"I'll deal with the introductions," he assures, "I know she'll be happy to meet you. So will my father."
"General Solo," Rey echoes, not sounding very persuaded.
"You don't need to act any differently around them than anyone."
"... okay." She still doesn't sound very convinced, reaching up, presumably to nervously brush her hair back. He highly doubts she cares that much about her appearance, so it's definitely just a nervous gesture.
"Well," Ben muses, mostly joking, "I can fix up your hair if you want me to, but I'm sure she won't care about that."
"You know how to do hair?" Rey squeaks.
He shrugs. "My mother always braided her hair. I tried to help sometimes... Mostly just to play with it." Sometimes, he admittedly misses the days when he was still with them, even if he's fine with where he ended up. "Want me to try it out?" Might as well keep her mind on something other than nervousness over the meeting. He doesn't even get why she's so jittery at the thought. She's that way whenever she's around Luke, too.
Ben and Rey may have known each other only a month, but it feels like it's been so much longer sometimes.
"Sure," Rey concedes finally, and they head to the hold. She sits across from him, twisting so she's facing her back to him. It's been a very long time since he played with his mother's hair, but he certainly hasn't forgotten how to.
"Do you think Kix will be okay?" Rey inquires, after a few moments where he works in silence.
"I don't know," Ben admits, bluntly, "He has nothing here."
"Yeah," she agrees, subdued, "Maybe we can stop by to see him again sometime."
"If you want."
He finally finishes, and she swings the braid over her shoulder to inspect. "Thank you," she offers, almost shyly.
He shrugs almost awkwardly, unsure how to respond.
Something grows a little more serious in her expression again, and she glances up at him several times, as though considering something. "Do you ever have feelings about things?" she asks, "I don't mean from the Force. Like – of things it feels like you know but you don't remember? Or sometimes dreams that feel so real?"
Yes. All the time. Constantly. It's something he used to talk about when he was younger, but over time, he's gotten accustomed to the fact that no one else feels the same thing. It's not something he understands entirely or ever has, but Luke explained that through the parts of the Force no one truly understands, it's theoretically possible that part of his soul lived another life one time.
A life he still vividly remembers for some reason.
"I do," Ben admits, "I always have."
"Is this... strange?" Rey asks.
For living on a planet with so much low life traffic, he's mildly surprised at how much she always acts like she knows nothing about people or how to interact with them. "No. I've never heard of anyone else who does."
"I can't tell what are dreams and what's real, sometimes."
He knows that feeling so well, and it makes how much he thinks about it feel distinctly less strange, knowing he's not the only one. "I think I know who I used to be," he admits.
"Do you?" she asks, curiously, "I... I think I do, too, but..."
"Who?" he can't help asking, "Unless it's no name that would be familiar to me." He doesn't know if she'd be comfortable with talking about it, after all.
"It's... who Luke said his father was." She looks visibly uncomfortable and uncertain when she finally says it.
Oh. Oh. He wondered, but it's entirely different to hear it confirmed. "I assume you've dreamed of his... master. I believe that's who I used to be." And it's weird, because a part of him keeps feeling like that towards Anakin in what little he remembers of him – now he understands why he feels so similarly to Rey – but he still looks up to Vader as his grandfather.
She stills, staring at him wide-eyed. "You?"
"I think that might be why we felt such a connection. And our bond in this time is strong, too," he admits.
"Oh," she murmurs, still staring at him like she's him in a new light entirely. He can relate. It certainly explains why he no longer feels like he's missing someone, the way he always did before meeting Rey.
For a long pause, they just... look at each other.
At least, until something in Rey's expression dims slightly again, and she stands, pacing a few steps away. "Some things I see... I... I don't understand it," she confesses, "Like of this... lava planet. I don't –"
Oh.
That.
Ben's has very brief flashes of that before, too, hardly enough to fully understand what happened. He doesn't think he wants to. He can't imagine having done something that awful, and certainly not to his grandfather. "I have too. I don't understand that. I would never... But I suppose our past lives are not us."
"I don't understand why..." She trails off, practically shuddering.
It hurts in some inexplicable way he can't explain, and he feels an odd sense of guilt that feels like it's from long in the past. "I can't speak for what my... past self did, but I would never hurt you, Rey. Never."
He's not expecting the sharp surge of guilt he suddenly feels from her, or the way she suddenly looks momentarily close to tears.
What... Not that he can imagine dreaming about something that sickening from Anakin's perspective, either. "Are you okay?" he asks, but it sounds ridiculous.
She shakes her head, before practically fleeing into the 'fresher.
Well.
That was not how he expected the conversation to go.
**w**
Probably, just running off was suspicious, but Rey didn't know what else to do. Ben said that – She joined the Jedi, because she was supposed to kill his uncle. That's the only purpose she's supposed to have here, and she's losing sight of it. She cares about Ben. She always has – he's always been important to her, the piece of her that's missing.
She just never really thought he felt the same.
But he does. He does, and Rey has no idea what she's supposed to do about that. How can she kill someone close to him? How can she do something she knows will hurt him? How can...?
She couldn't live with herself if she did. He cares about her, and she never thought anyone except Sidious would. He is her grandfather. Ben isn't family, but he was in her previous life, even if... past him hurt her? She still doesn't understand what happened, or why he would ever do that.
And she doesn't know what it's going to mean when Ben finds out what she's really here for, because it's going to come out eventually.
He's going to be angry. She would certainly be angry in his place. She trusts him, and she can't even say why, but Rey doesn't want to lose that. She'd do anything to get to keep it. She – she wants to keep him, and Rey already knows that's impossible. It can't happen, because she's here on a mission, and she can't disappoint her grandfather.
But she can't hurt Ben, either.
What is she supposed to do? It's not like there's anyone she can ask.
She feels trapped, with no way out. Somehow, it feels like that's always been true. All she can do is hope that it'll be a long time before Sidious asks anything from her, and when he does... She doesn't want to think about it right now.
But she needs to calm down and go back out there before Ben starts wondering what's with her. Besides, they're going to be arriving on Chandrila soon, and... That should distract her from this, at least.
Not that it's going to solve anything, either.
She stays in the 'fresher awhile longer, finally attempting to try out Jedi meditation to temporarily let this go. It's not really working, feels more like suppressing everything until it explodes, but there's nothing else she can do.
It's not like there is any real solution. Not really. She has to choose a side, and she has no idea what to do.
**w**
"Is that the Senate building?" Rey asks, leaning forwards eagerly to get a better look at it. This is the center of the New Republic. She's never been anywhere so important before. And she's never been to a busy city at all. Although, this is what she's supposed to be destroying, so she shouldn't get distracted with how incredible it looks.
"Yeah, and my mother's official residence is over there," he says, gesturing to one of the tall buildings.
"The... whole thing?' She can't imagine living somewhere that big.
"No, she just has an apartment there."
"It's so... loud here. In the Force, I mean," Rey observes, as they fly. There are so many people here, and it feels like she can sense every single one and the emotional impressions they're leaving behind, constantly. It's overwhelming.
"It can be overwhelming at first. Make sure to shield," Ben tells her.
She nods, tightening her mental shields as they fly for the Senate residence, landing on the large landing platform outside. Ben already messaged ahead that he was coming, but that doesn't mean she's any less nervous than before.
The first person to step out onto the landing platform is a man with dark brown, though steadily graying, hair – something about him seems distinctly familiar. "Father," Ben greets, a small smile flickering across his face.
"You're home," Han replies, and even if they aren't being visibly emotional, Rey can still sense how happy they are to see each other again. "And this is...?"
"Rey. I'm training her."
"Hi?" she offers, feeling increasingly squeamish.
Except, the moment is broken when a Wookie practically barrels out the back door, growling eagerly and yanking a yelping Ben into a crushing hug. The Wookie – Chewbacca – growls excitedly, patting his head.
"Yeah," Ben says, voice muffled, "Good to see you too, Uncle Chewie."
Chewbacca steps away, approaching Rey next.
She has to tilt her head way back to actually look up at him. He's enormous,but she frankly finds him adorable. She doesn't know that he'd appreciate being called that, though.
Chewbacca growls, happily.
Rey looks at Ben desperately.
"He's asking if you're the cub Ben said he picked up," Han interjects, looking like he's about to laugh.
"Cub?" she echoes.
He laughs. "Wookie terminology for kid."
Well.
That is – "Yeah," she offers, smiling back at Chewbacca. If that's what he wants to call it, anyway. It traitorously makes something warm inside of her, even if the sharp stab of guilt is even more overpowering.
Chewbacca pats her on the head – now her braids are definitely messed up, not that she much cares– stepping back.
Rey's gaze darts to the other large ship on the platform; she can't help wondering what kind of model that is. It's nothing like she's ever seen before. "What... kind of ship is that?" she asks, finally.
"You've never heard of the Millenium Falcon?" Han asks, sounding vaguely offended.
"She hadn't even heard of the Death Star, Father," Ben interjects, "She's from the middle of nowhere."
"Where?" he asks, curiously.
"Jakku."
"Never heard of it," Han replies, "And I've been from one end of the galaxy to the other." Well, at least that way, no one will be able to verify her story.
"Is Mother home yet?" Ben queries.
"She just got back." Han motions for them to come inside, and Rey hesitantly follows. The apartment is very fancy, nothing like what she's seen before. Exegol was more a massive fortress than anything else. It seemed more designed for a sinister look, if she's being honest. Something to keep people in line. And everything was so dark. That's not true here.
A light, airy Force presence washes over her as she walks further into the apartment, and it's so familiar. It fills her with an odd sense of eagerness to meet Leia, and... guilt, though for what, she can't say.
To be fair, she feels guilty about being here at all, meeting everyone when they clearly trust her with no reason not to.
"Ben," Leia greets, smiling warmly, "I'm glad you were able to find time to stop by."
"We were passing by, picked up a carbon frozen clone trooper who we had to drop off. But this is Rey, my... apprentice."
(Being called that feels so right, so much more so than being called Sidious' apprentice.)
"Rey?" Leia asks, stepping towards her. Why does she feel so much buried affection towards her when she doesn't know her? To be fair, this is her child from a past life, and it's beyond unsettling. (She does not want to think about what that means about Luke, though.) "It's nice to meet you." Rey's heard people say that phrase all the time, but Leia sounds like she genuinely means it.
"You too, Senator," she replies, truthfully this once.
"You can call me Leia. Titles aren't necessary here," she assures. There's something about her gaze that makes Rey feel like she's being read, and it only makes her more squeamish, but Leia moves on to talking to Ben again, perhaps noticing her uncomfortableness at the attention.
It's already late afternoon so they go to eat in the much too fancy dining room, which is when Rey sees Threepio.
She freezes entirely at the sight of him because she... she's had a brief dream of him once. She built him. She knows that much. And he's still here, tangible proof of how real this "past life" was.
She met Artoo with Luke, too. She's never worked enough with droids on Exegol to be able to understand binary, but somehow, when she talks to Artoo, she always just knows what he's saying. Artoo was once important to her, too.
But at least now that they're eating, it feels like she has something to do other than looking at everyone, wondering if she's being suspicious by not saying much.
"Are you settling in on Ossus?" Leia asks, conversationally. Rey starts, looking up at her. She never expected to be addressed or included so directly. Everyone else talks too smoothly and easily to each other. They're family, what she achingly wants,but they can't be hers because they're supposed to be enemies.
"Yes. It – it's different, but it's... what I always wanted." It's half true. She wanted to do what she could to help her grandfather even if meant this, but now she doesn't anymore, and she has no idea what to do.
Leia nods. "Must have been quite the change from Jakku."
"Yeah," she offers again. And she never likes talking about this. Better to divert attention. "I've never been to a big city before. It's... incredible here."
"Let me tell you, kid, there's places a lot more interesting," Han interjects, amused.
"I've always wanted to see more of the galaxy."
"If you had time, I could take you both some places," Han offers.
Leia shoots him a look. "I don't think you need to be taking them on smuggler routes."
"I never said that," he defends.
Ben snickers. "We'll consider it some other time," he promises.
"You're always welcome to come here if you need anything," Leia tells her, "Or if you simply want to, any time."
Somehow, it only drives the ache in her heart even deeper.
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