Chapter 5 - 'Cause Out Here In The Darkness

Author's Note: Everything blows up. ;)

~ Amina Gila

Rey's blood runs cold. She feels frozen as she stares at her grandfather. It's – She – Yes, it was inevitable that she'd have to do something like this eventually – she already knew Luke would end up dead somewhere along the way most likely – but it's entirely different to hear that this is her order. And that she's the one who's supposed to do it.

She's supposed to kill Luke, who's also Ben's uncle. And he was her son in a past life, even if she obviously doesn't feel that way about him anymore.

It shouldn't even be a question, because this is her mission, her purpose, everything Sidious has trained her for, for years. (It occurs to her suddenly, that he hasn't even asked her if she's okay, or how she's been, and she... never even thought of that as a common courtesy until Ben did it once. It's not even fair to be hurt by that. He's busy. He's working for the good of the galaxy. She's being selfish, but it just... stings.)

"How do I do that?" Rey asks finally, desperately, frankly trying to find some reasons why she can't do it. "He's a Jedi Master, and he would sense it coming."

"You have shielded yourself the entire time you were there, so they didn't sense the Dark Side surrounding you. If you shield your intentions, finding a way will not be difficult," he replies, "But do not use a method that can be traced back to you. Poisoning would... be most effective, or some other... accident. Do not forget it was primarily because of him that the Empire fell. And it was because of this that your parents were killed, simply for being supporters of the Empire. If not for Skywalker and his Jedi friends, you would have been raised a princess in the Empire."

Right.

She knows that, and she has to stop forgetting it. She's been distracted, with... everything she was taught against. Sidious told her that her parents died because of the New Republic, though she never asked for details. Never really wanted to.

"I'll do it, Grandfather," she replies, trying to keep her voice steady.

"Do not let yourself get distracted," he adds, though it's more gently chiding than sharp. "Report back to me when you have completed the mission."

She nods numbly, before he breaks the connection, leaving her alone in the room.

For a long moment, Rey sits there frozen.

She's supposed to kill Luke. She has to kill him. And even if she can ignore everything of her past life and remind herself that after everything he's done, like killing millions of people on the Death Star, he probably deserves it, it – But it'll hurt Ben, too. And she can't... do that. She can't.

(She knew this was coming. Knew it from the start. Luke was her son in a different life, and she knew that someday, Sidious would give her orders to kill him, but that doesn't make it any easier to hear it. What is she supposed to do?!)

But she has to, right? But –

All she wants to do is curl up in a ball and cry, but it won't make this stop or go away.

But she's all alone in this, and she has no idea what to do, by herself. She leans against the side of the bed, tears stinging her eyes, and she lets them fall. She has a mission that she has to carry out, but she can't, and she has no idea what to do.

**w**

Ben can't say why he wakes up, a few days after his excursion to visit his parents, with the feeling that something's wrong, but there's something nagging at him that he can't quite shake. Or maybe it's just that he's been thinking a lot about what Leia was saying. He hadn't noticed anything suspicious about Rey, not until the morning after he got that odd feeling in the middle of the night.

They often eat together in the morning, except today she doesn't show up until late. She looks unusually closed off, and she feels strangely afraid and shaken. That she's not talking at all, more like poking at her food as if it's an offending substance and not eating either worries him even more.

"Are you alright?" Ben asks finally, eyeing her.

Her head snaps up to look at him, expression only shadowing even more. "Yeah."

It sounds like a flat out lie, both out loud and in the Force.

"What's wrong?" he asks, frowning, "You're not... eating."

"I don't... feel so good," she offers, glumly with a misery that seems far too great for her to just be sick, unless it's a lot worse than she's letting on, which is possible. Likely, in fact.

He reaches out, lightly touching her forehead. It's not hot, as if she'd have a fever. If anything, she... feels more cold. Almost like she's afraid. He can't shake the feeling that he's missing something huge. "Are you up to training today?"

She glances away from him for a moment. "Let's go spar," Rey offers finally, almost hoarsely, fidgeting.

"Alright. So long as you're sure you wouldn't rather be resting."

"It's fine," she mutters.

He'd like to know what's really wrong, though, and why she's not saying anything. Leia is right. He's definitely missing something, but he can't begin to imagine what.

**w**

Rey seems a little better by that evening, but she's still being unusually subdued and withdrawn.

"Hey," Ben says, unable to help his eagerness, "What would you say to watching some more of Vader tonight?"

A small smile cracks onto her face for the first time. "When no one's around to catch us?"

"Who would?" he asks, flippantly, "Uncle Luke will never drop by." Even if he did, Ben highly doubts he'd much care unless he saw what they were watching. He's not his mother, after all.

"Why not?" she agrees, finally, and he counts it as a win that she actually seems a little enthusiastic for something.

His room here is obviously far bigger and more personalized than the side room he stays in on the Falcon. They sit at the table in the corner as Ben flips on the holoprojector, to his favorite collection of holos. He's missed watching this. He just wishes he could know more about his grandfather. (Who he also raised in another lifetime.) And it's nice to have someone who he can actually do it with, because he's never breathed a word about it to anybody before.

She seems to be loosening up a little as they watch another amazing fighting scene with Vader which is so cool. Ben wishes he could control the Force to that extent, but he's getting there. Even if he shouldn't focus on sheer power, like Luke says. That doesn't mean he can't know how to appreciate it.

Rey isn't quite as enthralled, but she likes being here, too, though whether it's just being with him or because of what they're watching, he doesn't really know.

Though when she's staying in his bedroom, he can't shake a strange feeling of déjà vu, like... it's happened many times before. Maybe it has. They were close in another lifetime, too. They may have stayed in the same room more than he knows.

So he really wishes he knew what was going on with her, something he doesn't think he ever figured out in another lifetime until it was too late.

That night passes uneventfully, and some days pass before Ben is starting to think that things are maybe getting back to normal.

At least, until sometime in the middle of the night, when he wakes up suddenly to the feeling of something very wrong.

**w**

She doesn't even have to pretend to play sick, because she practically feels like she is, that constant near nausea in the pit of her stomach, every time she thinks about – anything, really. She can't disappoint her grandfather, but how can she do what he's asking? It – it feels wrong, no matter how many times she tries to tell herself that Luke... might deserve it, for all the reasons that Sidious has told her.

She – she doesn't know him at all, but she still cares about him – perhaps because she did deeply in another lifetime – and how can she kill him? And how could she ever do that to Ben?

But she can't just walk out on her mission. Sidious is counting on her to do this. He's worked for this his entire life, and she can't ruin that. But –

But...

What can she do? Hiding in her room is too suspicious, but she thinks she's only making Ben even more suspicious by being around him.

But she's never disobeyed Sidious before, and she can't imagine doing that now. Definitely not about something so important. Just because she doesn't like it doesn't mean...

But this isn't just about her. He's hurt innocent people before – no matter what he says, she can't believe everyone on an entire planet was guilty – and he's going to do that again. She can... understand the occasional need for putting the greater good, like that of the galaxy, over some people, but like this? It just...

But she can't not do her mission either, can she?

All she can do is go in circles over and over in her mind, and it's been days already and she hasn't seriously thought of any plan to kill Luke. It's not like she even could realistically poison him, either. Well, maybe if she volunteered to help with kitchen duty, but that...

Ugh.

She can't do this, but she can't not either, and she has no idea what to do.

So she... continues to do nothing, waking up every morning telling herself that she needs to seriously think about how she's going to carry out the plan, but then she just... doesn't. And she needs to stop stalling, but maybe by the time Sidious calls back, he'll have changed his mind and want her to do something else. But she's just lying to herself. That's never going to happen. She needs to get going and do this.

Rey rolls over on her bed, in the darkness of her room. Hardly surprisingly lately, she finds it nearly impossible to sleep. Guilt is smothering her, both because she is and isn't carrying out her mission and she doesn't know what to do.

It's been well over a week, and... it's that very moment that she hears her comm buzz just once.

Force.

Sidious is calling her, and she can dodge his call for a day or two – but she can't just ignore him. And if she did, he'd probably be afraid that something happened to her when she was trying to kill Luke, maybe that she's the one in serious danger now, and she can't just ignore him. But she's more than a little scared to answer and admit that she's done nothing. Maybe she can just claim she hasn't found the chance yet.

Reluctantly pushing herself upright, Rey slips out of bed, crouching on the floor to call back. Her heart is pounding anyway, as she waits for him to answer.

Sidious picks up not long later, and Rey tries to force her breathing even, trying to tell herself to stop panicking. He's never hurt her before, even if there's now a part of her terrified that he will. She did used to think he could never hurt anyone, but he did.

"It has been over a week," he says, when he answers, and he doesn't sound very happy, "What's the progress with your mission?"

"I... haven't found the chance to... do it," she offers, desperately hoping it at least sounds remotely believable. Not that that's going to change that she hasn't and still doesn't know how she ever could. She's only stalling on the inevitable. Waiting won't help, will only make it worse, but she can't –

"You have been trained for this," Sidious tells her, visibly irked now.

She hates herself for disappointing him, but she can't hurt Ben like that, either. What is she supposed to do?!

"I don't work closely around him," she defends, because... she has to say something believable. And it is true.

"I am expecting results, not excuses," he replies, sharply. Yes, he's definitely angry. She can feel every bite of the icy rage that he's suddenly radiating, even if she doesn't know why he's so upset. To be fair, she doesn't know what he can sense of her intentions, or more accurately, what he can't.

Rey nearly flinches back. "I –"

"You are distracted," he goes on, "These Jedi are not your friends. They would turn on you just as they did in your former lifetime."

She doesn't want to believe that. But it's – probably true when they find out why she's here. But her and Ben talked about what happened on that lava planet, and he'd said – Not that that would matter because she isn't who he thinks she is.

"... I know, Grandfather," she says, frantically trying to find something to say, "I – I'll do it, but I –" She doesn't know what to say. It's not like she'll say she can't. She has to do something, but she –

"I am... disappointed," he tells her, not nearly as sharply but the words cut even harder, "Your feelings for your so-called friends are leaving you weakened. Do not forget that they are not your family. They are traitors to the galaxy that will only cause endless destruction."

"Sorry," she mumbles, wrapping her arms around herself, as if it can do anything to stop the fear and hopelessness tearing her apart. She has no idea what to do when he gets mad, and it's worse now because this is –

Ben isn't her family, but it still feels like it, and it –

"If this is truly so difficultfor you, consider it a way to prove that you are ready to be a true Sith."

Rey nods, glumly. Being a Sith requires going to whatever lengths necessary sometimes. She knows that. But it's far harder in practice. That's presumably the point of this... lesson in the first place, though.

"But I must know that you are ready to carry through with it now. There is no time for more delays."

"I will." And she has to. But she'd rather not think of the implications of that right now.

"What is holding you back?" he asks, and air freezes in her lungs. She can't explain that to him. (Does he really not already know, or is he asking simply as a reminder?)

"I – Nothing? I have to... do it at the right time."

She can feel his gaze boring into her, and she can't bring herself to look up to meet it. Not that she pretty much ever does. "Forget him," Sidious orders, and yes, he clearly does know every bit of the problem, doesn't he? He always knows. "Do you truly believe after what he did to you in this past you constantly speak of, that he would not do it again?"

Rey flinches, can't help it. All she can remember is the agony of the flames crawling across her skin, and of the lightning later on, and –

Something shifts suddenly in the Force. She didn't mean to reach for Ben, because she can't let him sense any of this, but she couldn't help it for a desperate moment, if only as a reassurance that –

That what Sidious is saying can't be true.

But then, somehow, the next thing she knows, her bond with Ben is pulsing with that overwhelming brightness it occasionally does – there's something about it that's far stronger than even her bond with Sidious, even though she's been with him far longer – and then, he's standing right here in her room.

"Rey?" Ben asks, blinking in confusion and it takes a second far too long to register that somehow,he just appeared in her room, even though that doesn't make any sense. His gaze lands on the hologram, and he stills completely. "What's that?"

She yelps, jumping for her comm and frantically disconnecting the call.

"Who was that?" he demands, taking a step closer.

"No one! Nothing!" she splutters, heart hammering wildly. She doesn't think anything could quite describe the sheer panic that floods her in that moment. He – he saw that, even though he shouldn't even be in her room, and that doesn't make any sense.

Their Force bond flickers again, before Ben just as suddenly disappears, but she can still feel him reaching for her, and he's definitely coming to her room in person.

He – he saw that.

And there's no way he didn't know who she was talking to, because the former Emperor is too famous. And that means that whatever in the world just happened, she somehow managed to blow her grandfather's cover and her own, in addition to entirely failing her mission. And now they're going to find out what she was doing, and –

Force.

Why is she so incapable of doing anything right? Rey frantically collects her comm, shoving it into her clothes so at least no one can find that, desperately scanning her room, though she has absolutely no idea what to do now. He's coming,and he'll want answers and she can't tell him anything, and she –

Why, why, why did this have to happen? She knew everything would fall apart, from the moment she got the mission to kill Luke, so why did she even waste her time entraining any other ridiculous delusion?

All she really wants to do right now is cry.

She hears approaching footsteps, and moments later, the door to her room opens. It's not just Ben; Luke is there too. They both look worried, to say the least.

"Rey?" Ben asks, expression tensed with worry, and after what she was about to do, she can't bear to see him look at her like that. She doesn't deserve it. She was going to – to –

Her eyes dart around the room, frantically scanning for a way out. They can't know. They can't find out about Sidious. They'll hurt him, and her, and –

"Ben mentioned a hologram and sensing the Dark Side," Luke says. He's worried too, but more wary. Force, she's supposed to be killing him. Right now, in fact, and she already knows that... she can't.

"Who was that?" Ben asks, frowning, "I thought you didn't know anyone outside of here?"

"I..." She really needs to learn to think faster, "Was... watching a recording?" It's a pathetic excuse, because if that was true, she wouldn't have panicked, but what else is she supposed to say?

"The signal was live, Rey," Ben replies, frowning. "I saw it. I sensed you were afraid."

Afraid is an understatement of how she feels, especially right now. She can't – what is she supposed to do?

"What was that?" Luke asks, taking a step closer, "Ben said he sensed the Dark Side."

"He... reminded me of the Emperor," Ben admits, and Rey's blood turns to ice. No. He can't – he can't find out more than he already does know. "But that doesn't make sense."

She senses Luke's instant flicker of unease. "What's going on?" Luke asks, turning back to her, "We need to know, Rey."

She doesn't think she could get out a coherent sentence even if she tried right now. There's nothing she can do to stop this now. She messed up – somehow – and now it's too late to do anything about it.

And just standing here saying nothing isn't going to help, but she can't find her voice to say anything at all.

"Is he... hurting you?" Ben asks uncertainly, "Whoever that was?"

Yes. No. Maybe. She doesn't even know anymore. Doesn't know anything except that every instinct inside her is screaming at her to run, even if she has nowhere to go. But she can't just stay here, and it isn't even a fully thought-out process before she lashes out, throwing them back with the Force and bolting.

Her only escape route is her ship in the hangar, and they're going to know that which means she'll have to get to it faster than they can tell someone else to. She opts for just going out the nearest window she can find as she skids around another turn in the hall – yes, she feels a little bad about the property damage, but there's nothing else she can do right now – trying to ignore it when she hears Ben calling for her.

She can't stop, can't look back. All she can do is run, crossing the grass to where her ship is waiting and scrambling inside, firing up the engines right as she sees Ben and Luke come out the front entrance.

Rey doesn't wait, taking off the ground. They're going to give chase, though, and she has to go somewhere they won't think to look. Except, there's nowhere she can go. She doesn't know anyone except Sidious, and she can't go back to Exegol.

She already ruined her mission and wasted everything Sidious has had her prepare for, for years, and now they're wondering if that was him they saw, and she can't face him right now. The mere thought is far more terrifying than having nowhere to go at all.

Failure on this mission was never an option, and certainly not like this.

She makes a random jump to hyperspace as soon as she's out of the atmosphere, but she has to pick somewhere to go because the ship doesn't have enough fuel to travel around aimlessly.

Well, there is one person she might be able to go to, as ridiculous as that is when she only knew him for a couple hours. In this lifetime, anyway.

Kix.

The – he felt familiar, and it's the only choice she knows.

**w**

Ben lands the ship he was trying to chase Rey in back on the ground, numbly heading back out. Rey is... gone. And he doesn't even understand what happened.

He felt her fear, a second before the Force bond went... crazy. He's heard of Force dyads before, but he didn't know they could do something like that. And he still has no idea who that was in the hologram, but he could swear he looked identical to the former Emperor. That he sensed the Dark Side so strongly only makes him more worried.

"She's gone?" Luke asks, grimly, and Ben nods.

Why did she tell him nothing about any of this? Leia was right. There's no question about that, but what that means now, he has no idea.

"Mother mentioned something seemed off," Ben says finally. "It seemed worse recently, but I don't understand why she just... ran."

"We don't know if her intentions for coming here were ever what she said," Luke replies, "And whatever she was hiding, her cover was blown."

"You think she was infiltrating?" Ben guesses, though it sounds ridiculous. Infiltrating for who? And what? And who would send a fourteen-year-old on a mission like that? But to be fair, if she'd had a little better training, simply because of her age, they never would've suspected her.

He had wondered about that, though he never looked into it too deeply. He probably should have, though by the time his mother mentioned it, it seemed so... random, and if something really was wrong, he didn't want to alert Rey. She would know he wasn't asking from mere curiosity.

"After what you saw, I don't know what else it could have been," Luke points out, "Are you certain this figure resembled the... former Emperor?"

"Yes, but that doesn't make sense." Does it? He's dead. Has been for years. It's not possible.

"He's dead," Luke replies, and he looks troubled. "At least we assumed he was. I don't know how he could have survived, and if he had, why he hasn't shown himself long ago."

Those are the real questions, aren't they? But that doesn't change how something is obviously wrong, how certain he is of what he saw. It could have been his imagination, though. It was dark, and from the darkness, he could've assumed something. Ben doesn't exactly think so, but it's still possible.

"There's been rumors of things happening in the Outer Rim before," Ben points out slowly, for as unsettled as it always makes him feel to hear anything about it, "Of traces of the Empire. Everyone says they're rumors, but maybe there is something more."

"Perhaps," Luke agrees, "It may have been more. I thought the Empire was fallen, that the war was over."

Ben would like to say he thinks it's over, too, but really? He thinks it just began.

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