Thank you for all the lovely reviews! Here is the next part :) Jessie xx

Moments of Strength

"So, Brian's retiring?" Strickland sank a little in his chair as he watched Sandra holding together all of her resolve. He had heard the heart-breaking waver in her voice as she told him that one of her best friends was withdrawing to the background of her life to spend as much time as he had left with his wife.

"Yes," Sandra supplied, she tried to suppress the emotion from her voice, desperately ignoring the unbidden desire she had to selfishly fall apart in the light of Brian's news.

"What does this mean for you?" he kept it neutral, knowing that she was relying on him being the strength she needed as her world changed around her. He knew also that once she had time to think about it, UCOS would soon become a place that she would resent for its memories rather than the comfortable happy place she had known.

"How do you mean?" she questioned. It didn't really have any effect on her actions in her mind. There wasn't anything she could do, she couldn't take away the danger that hung over her friend's head like a cloud which could break at any moment.

"How's Gerry taking it?" he asked. UCOS was a team, a family. Jack's desertion some years ago following Hanson's escape in court and the effect that it had had on the unit for the weeks he was absent had proved that when just one part was out of place, the whole machine worked with a limp. They had managed to recover from Jack's retirement, just. They were still trying to recover from Jack's death. Losing Brian too was going to cripple the delicate balance that Sandra was only currently maintaining with Steve's help.

She hesitated. "He's talking about spending more time with his family."

Strickland nodded. "I'll be sorry to lose UCOS as it was."

He rustled about his desk and finding what he sought, he studied the piece of paper before handed it to her.

"Detective Chief Superintendent Dawson is retiring next month, murder squad. I doubt they'll even need to interview you."

"Sir, Robert…" she faltered, hardly glancing at the piece of paper he was holding out to her. It was an escape, away from the offices that she'd be walking into everyday and seeing new faces that meant nothing to her except the knowledge that everyone had moved on around her and she was the one left behind. But she'd been offered promotion before and she knew the dangers too well. Added to which it felt firstly too soon to be thinking about abandoning her unit even if it was soon to be completely unrecognisable from the unit she had established in the now distant past. Secondly, it felt too easy. To walk away from what she had created, just because it was going to be different. It was too easy. Too easy to think about herself when she should be thinking about Brian. Too soon to be considering her own future when the knowledge that Brian's held in the balance of fate was only just registering.

He waved his free hand. "Maybe we shouldn't work so closely anyway."

She felt a shiver going down her spine; not everything had to change, did it? "What do you mean?"

"I had a meeting with the Assistant Commissioner this morning," he sighed; much as he had wanted to keep his own troubles out of it, he would have had to broach the subject with her at some point anyway. "He expressed, doubts, at my impartiality when dealing with certain departments under my command."

"UCOS," she stated rather than asked as for the second time that hour the realisation that life was mutating beyond its formerly set boundaries. It was like looking at life through a kaleidoscope, focussing on one perfect image before being knocked and shattering the pattern. And there was nothing to do but carry on, twist the barrel and pray that the picture came back the way it had been. It never could though.

"UCOS," he replied steadily. The AC had been quite brutal in his insinuation; but Sandra did not need to know that. They'd never openly acknowledged it, but at the back of the back of both their minds, hidden from view behind a million other problems, fallen down the back of the pile of doubts perched perilously on the edge of rational comprehension, was the certain knowledge that their relationship could be a problem professionally.

"Does he know?" she asked, welcomingly latching on to this fresh worry landing on top of and momentarily distracting her from the subdued ache of concern about her friend. "I mean, do you think?"

"I don't know how he could," Robert stood up and walked around his desk to be nearer to her. "And I don't care if he does. But…"

"But…" she murmured, the arrows of fate becoming visible over the dunes as he traced his fingers over her cheek, communicating his own need for reassurance.

He made no reply, instead he brushed his lips lightly over her own before kissing her gently. A knock came at the door.

"Dammit," he muttered.

"I should get on."

"No, don't go," he looked steadily into her eyes. "I've got a meeting in twenty minutes, go then. Please?"

"Ok," she smiled, stepping to one side and picking the file she had brought up with her back off the desk, so as to make it look as though she had simply popped in to report on a case to her superior officer.

Robert called "Come in," and received a piece of paper from the young uniformed officer who formed the source of their interruption. "Thanks," he said dismissing the PC and closing the door.

"Problem?" Sandra asked, placing the file back on his desk as he shook his head.

Walking over to the desk himself, he tossed the note on top of everything else in his intray and looked at her for a moment before the silent and mutual agreement that passed between them before he took her in his arms. Five minutes passed with no comment, interruption or movement as she leant into his strong chest, blinking as a few muted tears leaked from her eyes. He kept up a steady rhythm running his thumb over her shoulder as he felt her cry as he rested the side of his chin against the top of her head, breathing in her perfume with closed eyes.

What happened to me? Sandra thought. Six weeks ago, I wouldn't have needed this. I wouldn't have had this. In forty-eight years, I've never had this. Just because everything is falling apart, why am I? What happened to me?

Robert sighed. He didn't want things to change any more than she did. If the last year had taught him anything though, it was that fate would throw whatever it fancied at you. It had thrown him back his daughter, given him a granddaughter, let him take Sandra Pullman in his arms. All that mattered was that he could face it, with her. Which meant that all he had to do was be there for her, to help her through. Because he knew that she felt she had to be the strong one for herself, her unit, Gerry and Brian. And if that meant she needed him a little bit more, then he was there. And the stupid AC and his opinion, in fact the whole of the MET and its opinions could take a running jump.

"I'm sorry," she whispered as she drew away and placed a hand, now steady, on his cheek.

"Don't be," he murmured. "You need to be strong for the boys. Let me be strong for you."

She smiled. "Thank you."

"Do you fancy going out for tea? I'm not going to be free 'til late and I can't be bothered to do the shopping."

She grinned at the domestic turn to the conversation. Their relationship had been so easy that it hardly seemed remarkable to hear her boss express a laziness towards the idea of walking around the supermarket after work. Then she remembered her promise to Gerry.

"Actually," she hesitated. "I thought I might go out with the boys tonight, do you mind?"

"Of course not," he smiled, a vague thought of take-away and lazy night on the sofa forming. "They need you, I understand that."

"I'll go back to mine," she added. "I don't want to disturb anyone when I get back, it might be quite late."

He kissed her cheek. "That's fine."

"I love you," she whispered. They didn't say it often, but at that moment she needed to say the words, needed him to hear them. With them she thanked him for being there, for understanding, for loving her as she was. With them she allowed herself to know that he was there, that he was real, that he was with her. With them she drew the strength in his response that she needed to return to work with her head held high, resolve retightened and the ability to be who she needed to be.