A Marriage that Started a Legend

by IJustShowedUp

Follows canon but with my own arranged marriage spin on it. What happens when Hunith makes a mistake and is forced on the run with her infant son? What happens when Camelot knights find her twenty years later? What happens when Arthur learns he's betrothed to a peasant boy? Will Merlin be able to stand among royalty? Will these two different boys survive each other? Review!

138. Chapter 139

But you see…Arthur Pendragon already knew he was making the biggest mistake of his life. One didn't feel the same dread that he did, and not recognize it for what it was. He knew this was wrong. He knew ignoring Merlin's needs and what would be best for him was…wrong. But knowing this didn't make the prince run for the forests of Balor…not when this feeling was so entangled with combatting the disappointment from Uther once he discovered Arthur was gone. His room had never felt as suffocating as it did now…just looking at his bed made him remember the first time Merlin had ever came into his room…it had been on their wedding night.

Arthur had been combating with his nerves, not knowing how he was supposed to sleep with-what he thought-was a virginal Merlin. And what had Merlin done? He'd sat on the edge of the prince's bed with his legs sprawled out in front of him, and the prince had thought Merlin didn't know how indecent he looked back then. Arthur had been disgusted with the display when it had happened, since a prince's bed was sacred and no other'd ever touched the silk sheets before. But Arthur found he would be willing to take those red sheets and spread them out across Merlin's still form. Give him something nice and soft to lay on…but soft sheets hardly mounted to anything when somebody is in the midst of fighting for their life…

"Well, I suppose whatever you decide will be your choice. But doing nothing is hardly a choice. I think it sounds more like you are just giving up. Too cowardly to see the big picture unless it includes yourself in it." Morgana drawled out in response to his making the right (wrong, wrong, it was so wrong) choice that'd been decided by Uther. And Arthur hissed under his breath, he knew Morgana would never understand. She'd never know just how difficult it was for Arthur to see his father was right-Uther is the king and made hard decisions everyday, so of course he was right. As far as Morgana was concerned, it really was just a matter of Arthur picking up a bag and disappearing from the castle for an undetermined amount of time. He wasn't any kind of coward. He was just…being practical. But why did the voice whispering 'practical' sound more like Uther's than his own. "If you are going to do this Arthur, really do this…then maybe you should just consider this for one second. And if you don't like what I have to say…I'll go. I will know you will never revert back to the man I thought you were before Merlin came here. And I won't bother you again."

Arthur gritted his teeth…his control had long since fled him as his fingers twitched at his sides. Desperate to grab Morgana at the elbow and drag her from his room, so he could mourn and wail for Merlin in peace. But he heard what Morgana meant by her words, even if she didn't say their true meaning. Morgana 'not bothering him again' pretty much stood for 'you are going to be dead to me.' It was difficult to think how close the two of them had been three months ago…Arthur hadn't realized their relationship was so fragile, a simple boy would've been strong enough to ruin it. But Merlin wasn't a simple boy, and if there'd been anybody who did them in…it would've been HIM.

Arthur almost wouldn't have it any other way.

Even if the irreparable damage done between him and the lady was everlasting.

He would deserve to be alone…

Which was exactly why he gave one short jerk of his head, and allowed Morgana to continue instead of throwing her out. After Arthur forced himself to sit through whatever Morgana tried to tell him, and then denied her what she wanted…he'd be free of her. Free to walk his own castle like a ghost, trying to see any wisps of Merlin's presence embedded in the stones. See if any places dragged up old memories that may have been pushed down by the new ones Merlin crafted. Losing Morgana would be his penance for what he was doing to Merlin now, and he'd reap that forever more as he tried searching out all the places Merlin would have touched.

"Merlin didn't have to do what he did. He didn't have to jump in there and drag that cup from your fool lips. And he did not need to challenge both Bayard and Uther in order for people to see what he was telling them. And he didn't need to drink that poison to save your worthless hide." Morgana immediately said in a blunt tone. Arthur had been expecting for something a bit more…gentle? Maybe Morgana would try to coax him to seeing things her way? But if this was only going to be Morgana trying to tell him all his greatest failures, or spelling out for him all the times he could have stopped Merlin and didn't then this wasn't something he wanted to listen too. But Morgana continued to speak without pause, "He was under your protection, and yet…it's ironic that he needed protection from you the most. You've done nothing but-" Morgana lifted her hands up by her head to emphasize her point, shaking her head as her features twisted in pure disgust. "Torment him since the day he arrived. And he still thought to save you. What kind of man saves somebody I am sure they would like to see dead? A much kinder one than I apparently am. Tell me Arthur, would you have done the same if the situation was reverse? If you got wind of another having poisoned Merlin's drink?"

Arthur immediately wanted to protest, because that situation would have been completely different. He would've taken his consort's goblet straight from his fingertips if he had known, and everybody would have believed him. His father would not have allowed Arthur to drink it in Merlin's steed if he thought it was death in a cup. This whole situation could've been avoided because he was a respected prince, and Merlin was…he was…the prince bowed his head so that his hair covered his eyes. It was no use answering Morgana's question. They both knew he would have dumped the goblet on the floor before drinking the thing to prove a point. Just like they both knew there would be nothing holding Arthur back from driving a steak knife straight into Bayard's heart for attempting it, since he would no longer be distracted with the limp form of Merlin. He would've carved Bayard's heart out right there and there with all of high society watching, before presenting the still beating organ to Merlin as if it was some primitive-primal-gift. A sign of proof that he was able to keep Merlin safe…a trait that would have been revered in a partner back in the old days.

When men had to prove their worth as partners before being given a fair maiden's hand…

"Don't mince your words with me, Morgana. You didn't come here just to tell me off for how I treated Merlin. Or you would have started yelling at me the second you walk through that door." Arthur said, voice detached in an effort to ignore how the gap in his heart only seemed to rip open more. Merlin had been under his protection, and Arthur had worked very hard to keep him safe when others were concern. But he'd only been blind by his own involvement, or how he had hurt his boy more than any other had even tried to do. Nobody else had hurt him so much, he would kill himself to get away. As if there were no other options he could have gone with instead…but Arthur also knew there hadn't been. Killing himself had 'literally' been the only way to get Arthur's attention. And fuck, had it worked like a bitch… "You are here because you think I should go? You are here because you think I should 'actually' leave everything I've known behind, possibly die out there myself, all for the sake of one insignificant boy…"

Insignificant boy…it took everything Arthur had to get the word out of his mouth, to make it look as if he didn't care one wit of the boy. To make Morgana shun him like she should, trying his hardest to push her away without laying a hand on her. Merlin was 'anything' but insignificant. Arthur actually wished he was more like him right now. Merlin had always operated on doing things as his emotions dictated. Running into fights or battles or saving people because he had some kind of strange moral compass that told him what was right and wrong. And then he did what he had to do because 'somebody had to do the right thing.' Arthur was pretty sure he himself had never developed a moral compass like that. Yes, Arthur was softer and felt more than what his father wanted. But he'd never stopped to try and question a chump order. Not if that order came from his father.

Because Arthur had to think about things 'practically.'

"It doesn't matter what I think, what matters is whatever actual choice you decide to go with…is something you will be the one to live with. Rather that's leaving Merlin to his own fight, which wouldn't be surprising since you have never stepped in before things got out of hand. Or actually putting aside whatever your hang ups are about this to save one life…to save HIS-" like she thought Merlin's life somehow meant more than if it had been somebody else to drink the goblet. But the blond knew it was…Arthur probably wouldn't have thought twice had it been Morris who'd actually drunk it. But MERLIN-beautiful and wild Merlin, who Arthur had hurt more than he'd hurt anybody else- made all the difference in the world. "Life. Every breath I see you take will just be one more reminder to you that it's a breath Merlin will never take. And every event you go to will just be an event Merlin will never get to see. And-"

As Morgana laid out bluntly all the things Arthur would do that Merlin would not get to do, drilling into the prince's how much he was going to be haunted by Merlin while he tried living his life, the prince started to tremble. Having all of this laid out in front of him like this…made Arthur start to wonder. Would it all be worth it? Would appeasing his father mean a lifetime of this haunting presence following him in his every wake, worth it? It didn't feel like it would…even now, Arthur's lips thinned as if he was trying to keep the breath in his body. Because Merlin was having trouble breathing, so why should he get to breathe. But his lungs felt like they were burning, and growing stiller than a stone pillar, and Arthur was forced to suck in a deep breath or risk passing out. And the guilt grew, his eyes going red around the rims of blue in his attempt not to actually cry…Arthur could not remember the last time he cried. But every breath he took felt like he shouldn't, each breath he took felt like his guilt was trying to swallow him whole, and each breath he took was just a reminder that Merlin wouldn't have one…

If doing something as natural as breathing felt wrong-this was wrong and horrid and Arthur should've just let himself pass out to avoid feeling things he knew he shouldn't-then how was the prince going to feel at the next event that happened? He knew he would probably end up having to take Morgana, something he had done to keep uncouth suitors away from her before the boy had married him…could he stomach Morgana hanging off his arm after he'd already had a taste of Merlin doing it? Could he not throw up when he saw Morgana walking down the stairs to meet him, instead of another raven haired person. He could see it now-the vision coming to him clearer than day ever had-of Merlin coming down the stairs to meet him only hours ago…Arthur had actually said he was being cute at one point. An act he hadn't meant to slip out, but the startled look burning along Merlin's face had made it worth it. And it suddenly felt far less embarrassing to Arthur than it had been when he'd said those words. It felt…like a precious memory he wanted to hold close to his heart, shield it between the gentle palms of his hands so nobody would be able to taint it. But…it had been clear Merlin had not been happy to attend tonight. What would Merlin have looked like-would he have glowed, his smile and eyes making even the sun's vibrancy dim and moon's beauty pale-if Merlin had wanted to go. Would Arthur really never see a day where Merlin got to show him how happy he was…

"And when you someday have to marry again, and we both do know Uther will force you to wed another-" continued the lady in front of him, and Arthur squeezed his eyes shut so hard that black spots formed beneath his eyelashes…had Morgana been listening to his argument with his father for longer than he had thought, and heard the king tell Arthur the same thing. Or was it only guesswork on her part, this wasn't exactly a far fetched guess. A prince would someday be king and the king needed a family to someday pass the throne onto… "Then your new wife will also be haunted by the memories of Merlin. How many will make a comment to her, saying things like 'you're not anything like Merlin' or 'Merlin once did this-'…how do you think she will feel knowing her own husband still thinks about another? It will not matter if it's not in a romantic way, a woman is never happy when their partner refuses to or cannot think about them. You will not only subject yourself to this kind of life, but you'll ruin a third unknown person as well. When will it end, Arthur? Or do you plan to find out how many people's life's will be messed up in some way or the other…"

Arthur hunched his shoulders forward, as if trying to appear as a much smaller target against Morgana's harsh truths, the little wrinkles in her forehead becoming more prominent as she said the truth. How many people's life's was he going to ruin by this inaction now…Arthur'd been trying so hard not to think of how his father was already mentally planning a new engagement to Lady Clarissa-the mystery woman Morgana was talking about who was the most likely candidate as his bride-but it seemed to be nearly impossible not to think about now. He would only drag Clarissa down with him if he married her…so maybe it was better for him to go now while he still could? Arthur could feel himself starting to waver in indecision…to go or not to go…and he was very much aware of how he was only using Clarissa as an excuse. He didn't care if he dragged her down with him, at least he wouldn't be alone in his misery. But if not having to be married to her was an encouragement to go…should he really continue ignoring his longing…?

"Arthur, just please. You can do this, I know you can make the journey and be back before it's too late. Just…" Morgana was starting to trail off, and Arthur could see the growing traces of worry ebbing through the royal mask she had perfected. She's just as worried about Merlin as he was, Arthur realized…and of course she was. She was Merlin's 'friend' which was far more than what Arthur had ever been to him. But when the lady took a step forward, the pleas in her eyes deepening, Arthur started to panic and stepped back. Morgana stopped moving forward, but she didn't stop speaking, "Your father won't be able to try stopping you from going. Not if you leave before he's learned of what you have done."

Morgana's voice had lowered down to a whisper with the last few words, as if she was afraid the walls had ears and had just heard her suggestion. Arthur's head whipped back up, looking at her with mad and wild eyes, his mouth opening and closing as he tried getting his bearings back…had she just? There was no way Morgana had been stupid enough to suggest what she had just did. Morgana was smart enough to know exactly what it would mean to ignore the king's orders. To ask Arthur-son of the king himself and only heir to the throne-to ignore an order from the king.

"Mor-Morgana! That…this is treason! This kind of talk would've been enough to get the both of us thrown into the cells! Would that be what you want? Thrown away while my father locks the key?" Arthur demanded harshly…sure, he'd never been put in a cell before, he'd never done anything bad enough to warrant a punishment like that, but his father had certainly warned him a fair few amount of times growing up. Bad people ended up in a cell, people who disobeyed their king…the two of them may be spared of an execution because of who they were. But being in a cell for an undetermined amount of time wasn't something a prince strived to do. It wasn't something he was 'meant' to do. And if the people knew their prince had done something to get locked in there…how would they ever trust him to rule a great nation such as their's? But Morgana only tilted her head just a little, and sheepishly shrugged her shoulders as if their future punishment would be very little in the grand scheme of things. And maybe it was, but still… "I was not just talking out of turn earlier, Morgana. I'm trying to be practical about all of this! My father will not give me the manpower I need, and I cannot hope to do this type of mission on my own. And there's a really good chance I won't come back, so who will be the next king to take my place? Do you want the other royal families to start up civil war in order to be the next family in power? There's more than just my life, just Merlin's life, that's at stake right now…father's forbidden me to leave because of all these things. And he…he is right, of course…"

But strangely enough, Arthur was hit with another memory of Merlin-he had been doing that a lot in the last few hours, just remembering things he had dismissed or ignored at the time-from a few weeks ago. Back when the plague had been big…there was a time where Merlin had accused him of not being able to do anything without his father's permission. And it was true, god was it true…Arthur could feel his wavering starting to tip over in one direction. And he wasn't sure if he was ready to face it, or the consequences that would follow if he gave into it completely. But ready or not…his decision was coming right to a close…

A decision that would change Arthur's entire world and decide what the rest of his life was going to look like…

"Practical…you think this is practical?" Morgana asked, as she shook her head and took a step back from him. Her eyes were looking as red around the edges as his own were, the waves of her hair nearly falling out of the pins that had been designed to keep it in place for her. "Do you want to know what I think is practical? Making a name for yourself, being known as the man who sees something is wrong and changes things. Instead of a name everybody knows sorely because they knew you do only as you are told. That is something a soldier does. You might be a knight, but you are no soldier. You are a prince, a leader. And Merlin is your consort…a leader in his own right. He's sees the things you and I do not see, and he changes things. Yes, he is young and doesn't know much but he's learning…more than I or you will ever know."

Arthur's shoulders hunched in deeper, the wavering tipping its scales even further down than before…he had always thought of his father as an infallible man who knew all. But this felt as if Morgana also knew more than Arthur had thought she did. The prince 'was' a leader, and leaders had to make the right choice for their kingdom. But this choice had not one thing to do with any of his people and everything to do with Merlin. He was not going to be saving Merlin for them…he was going to be saving Merlin for himself. Was it really okay for him to be that selfish…but Arthur was starting to tether on the toe of his boots, as if he was preparing to do something, but his brain hadn't caught up and he didn't know what that something was…

"And if you need to think of any further encouragement to be kept in mind, something to remind you why you are needed at home if Merlin isn't a strong enough thought-" but Merlin was a strong enough thought…Arthur felt as if he was breathing or thinking or living for all things Merlin. It burned brightly inside of his veins, pushed him further more than the thoughts of his own people did. "Then think about this civil war. You will stop it just by returning home before anybody can get any ideas and try to start something. And if you are still concerned about the king and what he will say or do then there is only one thing I've got to say about that…to hell with Uther Pendragon!"

Arthur's face drained of color as he gasped, shooting the door a look of pure panic, as if he thought a group of guards would come bursting through them to drag Morgana away. To some place where Arthur would never see her again…saying things like that got people locked away if not outright killed for fear of them planning some kind of coup or assassination attempt on the king. Nobody said things like that out loud…but it was such a novel idea as well. To…to hell with Uther…the phrase came to his mind. And it was so terrifying, he almost felt as if he would also end up dragged away if a squad of knights really did burst down his doors. But…it was liberating as well. Freeing, in every strange sense of the word…Merlin probably would've gotten a kick out of it. If he could see Arthur now…and really, it was not as if Arthur had not ever committed treason against his father already. Had he or had he not lied straight to his father about taking Merlin's apparent virtue? This…this would hardly be as bad as Uther's reaction if he ever found out about that…

"It's time for you to face the facts." Morgana said bluntly when the prince failed to answer her. "Merlin is going to die without the cure, and you are the only one who can get to it. And most likely the only one, hated as I am to admit it, skilled enough to pull off such an impossible quest. Merlin was meant to be your one and only and all that romantic sap crap Uther keeps trying to peddle. You have already failed him probably far more times than I can count or even know. But you have this chance right now, this chance to redeem yourself and fix everything. Well…maybe not everything. I wouldn't forgive you if it was me in his place. But it's a start, is it not? And sometimes, sometimes you doing the right this is the only thing that matters. And damn all the consequences that might come afterwards."

Arthur blinked…damn the consequences. Was that something he could actually 'do?' Just forget about everything and move forward with what had to be done…but this was far more than just disappointing his father. The consequences would be fatal if he failed, it would be a huge gamble on rather or not he would succeed. And Arthur had never been the type of man to gamble around with lives on the line. But…Arthur could see his consort so vividly in his mind, he could have reached out to try touching him. Laying out on that cot, no longer grasping for air only because his weak body didn't have the strength he would need…Arthur had thought he knew what true fear was. He had thought he had known what true helplessness was.

But as it turned out…Arthur didn't know anything.

Not until today.

Not until…

Merlin.

And it's like Morgana had just said, "He is mine, isn't he?" The prince asked what he already knew, shaking his shoulders out so he could straighten up. Arthur would be the very first today to say he apparently knew nothing, when he had thought he'd known everything. But there was one fact that hadn't changed between Merlin poisoning himself and now…Merlin was his. It didn't matter if he tried getting away through the worse means possible. It didn't matter that Merlin might not live to see what the next week looked like. It didn't matter if five years passed by in the blink of an eye, and Merlin was either dead or going around still causing havoc. Merlin was HIS. And that was never going to change. Arthur gave Morgana a weak smile, he didn't feel much like smiling, but the scale had tipped completely, he knew what he was about to do, the least he could do was give a smile to the girl that had knocked some sense into his thick head. "I suppose it's time I start remembering that. And taking care of what belongs to me, doesn't it?"

Merlin's safety…Merlin's safety was always going to be more important to Arthur than his father's disappointment was. And maybe that was a bad thing, since a prince's duty should only be his people and no other. But he didn't care! He wanted to do the impossible and embrace Merlin, shelter him away from the world and make him 'know' he belonged to Arthur. Not in a suffocating way where Merlin kept running from him, but…the prince wanted to be the one his boy choose to come too, since he knew and trusted Arthur to be the one to fix everything. He wanted Merlin to rely on him-and not just for the necessity of life like food-but for all the emotional shit as well. Arthur might not understand it, but he knew Merlin had tried killing himself because he couldn't take it anymore. If Arthur had been willing to listen, then maybe none of this would have happened…

All Arthur had to do was get that flower, and everything would be okay…Merlin would forgive him and Arthur could figure out a new strategy for winning Merlin over completely. A strategy that wasn't going to involve whips and chains to force him into submitting. If his consort was ever going to submit to him, become pliant and/or needy as he returned to Arthur's side…then it had to be Merlin choosing to be there.

After all, Merlin was his to protect, his to hate, his to hurt…the old mantra did not sound as catching as it once did. Maybe he needed to find something new to latch onto…his to protect, his to care for, his to…not love. But Arthur couldn't think of a word that could fit into the space properly. But that was an issue for another day…

Arthur was so busy thinking about what could fit into this spot, he never saw Morgana smirking…knowing she had just played him like a fiddle.

"I think you are making the right choice here." Morgana said, turning away from him before he could see her smirk, as she strode back to the table where his sword was still resting after he had thrown it. "Besides," she continued, hair falling into her face as she picked it up. "You might be worried about the king but what kind of king will Camelot want next? Somebody who is willing to save the life of a man he never wanted?" the lady turned back to him, holding Arthur's blade stretched out along her hands for him to take…he wouldn't be able to go anywhere without it. "Or one that does what his father tells him to do?"

Arthur still hesitated…even knowing what he was going to do, he still hesitated, before looking back down at it. He'd always been so careful with his weapons before, the weapon to a man who was a knight was almost more vital than somebody's arm or leg or even their heart. The sword was literally the extension of himself. And yet, when he had first entered the room, Arthur had thrown it without mercy across the table. That right there should have been his first clue…should have made him realize he cared about what happened to Merlin more than he should have.

Arthur reached out and grasped the blade in hand, pulling it out of Morgana's…the scabbard wasn't on straight and some of the sword's length had been pulled out some after it slid out from Arthur's throw. And Arthur could see his reflection in the blade's shining metal when he angled it, and for a second…the prince could have sworn he saw Merlin as well. As if somebody had cut their faces in half and slid them together, the right one full of blond hair and sky blue eyes while the left had dark hair and ocean blue eyes…two completely opposite people living in perfect harmony amongst the reflection of the blade.

But then he blinked…and it was gone like the sand of time was slipping through his fingers.

"And hey, there's always the whole true love angle you could peddle should Uther throw a fit about this whenever you come back. Not even Uther will be able to deny all the overwhelming responses you will get once word gets out." Said the lady, as if she was on a roll that could not be stopped. "What story would be better than a prince defying his father to save the man he's 'in love' with. That's the kind of thing people write ballads for…it's a story people will go insane for. Your reputation will go up in an instant, and so will Merlin's…and isn't that what you want to happen? I don't see any downside about you going."

Except for his possible death., Arthur thought as he pushed his blade back into his scabbard all the way…but not even that was enough to terrify him into not going. Not anymore…Merlin dying was a worse fate. And it seemed so silly and stupid to be so worried about 'reputation.' What did reputation have to with anything…it wouldn't have Merlin returning to him. It would not have Merlin smiling and happy and flushed with excitement…it would not have Merlin thinking about anything other than what he could do as his next attempt on his life. It wouldn't keep the prince from spending hours worrying about whether or not the consort would try again…

But Arthur didn't say any of this…those thoughts were private to only himself, and perhaps one he would share with Merlin in the future. If everything turned out right…and Arthur brought his blade down to his side so he could start retying the strings onto his belt…but his thoughts didn't stop, the strings sliding through his numb fingers….

Merlin was a lot of things…

And Arthur didn't know which one he was, or if he was all of them combined into one…

Was he Merlin: the Consort of Camelot.

Or was he Merlin: the Whorish Slut temping Camelot knights to sin with him…

Or was he Merlin…the abused victim…

But what did that make Arthur? Was he going to be the prince, next in line to take the throne? Was he the husband, who's one and only concern was for his partner. Or had he turned into the one thing he never thought he would…

A brute.

"There's something I need to ask you, Morgana. But I am not sure how I will respond to the answer." Arthur said, pulling the strings taut as he secured the blade in its rightful place. Lady Morgana tilted her head to the side, raising an eyebrow though she did not interrupt him. Arthur almost wished she would, just so he wouldn't get an answer. But ignoring the elephant trying to make a home in his mind wasn't going to help anything, and Arthur was tired of being ignorant and not accepting the truth staring him in the face. And he knew he could trust Morgana to not mince her words and tell him the god honest truth, she had never held back before. "Was I really that horrible to him? I do remember earlier, before the banquet…you told me I made him cry. Was he really crying, or were you just trying to rile me that time?"

Arthur had known Merlin had cried-his tears had burned bright red streaks down along his cheeks as Arthur loomed over him after backhanding him-but he had always assumed it had been because Arthur had caught him being a whore. And Merlin was trying to use crocodile tears to sway Arthur into some form of forgiveness. But it hadn't been that at all…Merlin was crying in pain because Arthur had just fractured his wrist, had he been holding his wrist gingerly and Arthur somehow missed it in his rage? He was crying because of the emotional damage Arthur had put him through…he had just assumed Merlin had stopped his blubbering after Arthur had walked away, when he realized his tears wasn't enough to get under Arthur's skin. But maybe it should have been…Merlin had still been crying whenever he had been found by Morgana…

"…You called him a whore in front of the entire town as if he's nothing more than trash, when you know full well that he will always be anything but." Morgana said, her smile dimming into something more solemn. Arthur didn't feel much like trying to correct Morgana on her delusions about Merlin's innocence…it wasn't the big issue. And hey, maybe Arthur had been the one to drive Merlin into his outrageous sexual deviance. Merlin had tried seeking out control in the only way he could…giving away his own body to any man who wanted it. And that was Arthur's fault as well, for not seeing and giving Merlin anything he had wanted to keep him on the right path. "What did you think that he would do? Carry on with his ordinary every day, and act like you hadn't ruined him completely? People tend to be upset at the things you've done to him."

There was a moment of quiet, where Arthur only stared up at the ceiling as if she wasn't even there…this had been exactly why he had asked Morgana. Because she wasn't afraid to hurt his feelings or make it sound less than what it was because of who he was…people so often would want to appease him, they forgot he needed actual advice. Merlin wasn't like that…he had always told Arthur the truth. Told him exactly what he needed to hear, rather Arthur wanted to hear it or not. And he had spat in his face, the last words Arthur had ever said to his boy had basically been to call him crazy.

And then…

"FUCK!" Arthur screamed the word as loud as he could, easily ignoring the presence of the lady who jerked, startled with the curse word flying off the prince's tongue as easily as they had always fallen off Merlin's. And then Arthur was sweeping out a hand, knocking everything off the wooden shelf standing over the fireplace. Little figurines or knick knacks he had collected over the years, an ornate candlestick as well, went crashing to the floor. "Mother fucking…I can't…I can't…" Arthur finished off his round of destruction by slamming the side of his fist on the shelf as hard as he could. The wooden frame rattled like it was two seconds away from crashing onto the floor as well. But the shelf miraculously stayed strong, sharply contrasting with the prince who felt as if he was falling apart. "I can't believe I did it to him. I can't believe I've done anything to him! I can't believe I…I ruined him."

And this wasn't a denial, this wasn't Arthur trying to pretend he was as good of a person as he always thought himself to be as. This was Arthur coming to terms…this was Arthur having to admit his wrongdoings in front of yet another person…if Arthur knew now what he had known then, he would have never tried to hurt Merlin. He would have never laid a hand on him. And he most certainly would not have-when Morgana first told him of Merlin crying-imagined the way he would lick the tears off his ruddy cheeks. Would have never imagined the sorrow he knew each tear would contain coating his tongue…he should've just helped Merlin off the ground. Should have at least tried to be more gentle with him than he had with any other person, being careful to wipe off each tear till they were gone. Clean him up as if it was Arthur himself who was crying…

"Why…why would Merlin drink the poison for me?" Arthur said, a low and dangerous growl to his voice, his back turned to the lady as his face scrunched up in pain. His shoulders started to shake under the strain of guilt, "Why didn't he just bloody well let me drink it! At least then it would be me on the bloody bed fighting for my life instead of him!" And Arthur let out this loud laugh even though nothing was funny, brittle and broken as he turned to Morgana with that wild look in his eyes. "But I do not have to ask such a ridiculous question. You keep saying things like 'he saved your life' or 'he drunk the poison for you' but it's not true! None of that is true. Merlin didn't drink it because he was trying to save me. He wasn't even doing it because in his demented mind, he somehow thought saving his tormentor is the right thing to do. No. It wasn't because of that at all."

Arthur let out another laugh, crazed, his smile stretching wide enough for it to hurt as he was struck with another memory of Merlin. Back when the three of them were in the tunnels under the castle, looking for the beast that had plagued the kingdom with its poison…Arthur had been upset with Merlin for trying to go after the beast. And Merlin…Merlin had said it didn't matter since he was going to die anyway. Arthur had just thought the boy was being as dramatic as usual, or perhaps he figured he would be in the next group to fall ill from their water. But Merlin wasn't being dramatic…it was yet another sign that all was not well with Merlin. A sign that he was willing to die and he didn't care how it happened. Even the monstrous claws and fangs of a beast poised above his throat was more preferable than him being near Arthur for another second. God…so many signs he kept pretending weren't there. So many signs that would have warned him if he wasn't stressing out over the less important things.

"What do you mean, Arthur?" Morgana asked, the wrinkle that stood between her brows deepening when he did not answer her. Arthur's crazed expression slowly dimmed, realizing this…was something Morgana didn't know. Just hours before, Arthur would have been mad with glee over this. Knowing something about his consort that Morgana didn't know. Knowing Merlin in a way Morgana did not…but his horrid mental health that had been caused by Arthur was not the kind of thing Arthur'd been thinking about. It filled him with a bitterness he never knew he could feel, didn't know was even possible for the human body to feel. Had he just spent his entire life wondering about in this daze, not knowing he could feel more than the regular stresses his life as a prince gave him. "Arthur…I need to know what you aren't telling me. What do you mean Merlin wasn't trying to do this for you?"

Arthur paused for a minute, and chewed on the insides of his cheek…should he tell her about Merlin's suicide attempt? The whole thing wouldn't exactly be kept a secret…at least it was not going to be kept a secret out of their group. Others would not know-Arthur would kill anybody before they started trying to hurt Merlin by constantly bringing it up to his face-but how much longer would Morgana discover the truth anyway? She'd planned to see Merlin at some point, didn't she? She would of course, see the same marks on Merlin's arms that Arthur and Gwen and Gaius had seen. Would jump to the same horrid and awful conclusion that the rest of them had. And…maybe it was a purely selfish move on Arthur's part. But he couldn't keep all of this to himself, not something that was so big. Arthur had a few needs himself, and he needed somebody to talk too. Him and Morgana used to talk all the time, before Merlin ended up sliding in between them and taking Arthur's place in the other girl's life.

…He couldn't even bring himself to care about being replaced.

Not if it was by Merlin.

"He was trying to commit suicide." Arthur blurted out, before he could start panicking and trying to hold it in because what if Merlin didn't want more people to know about how delicate his condition was. He half expected for Morgana to gasp, and look horrified…stricken. But other than a minute twitch of her features, as if she was surprised Arthur was the one to know about this, there was no actual surprise on her face. Arthur felt a cold chill settling over his bones, "You already knew, didn't you? You knew Merlin was going to commit suicide. And yet…I do not recall you ever warning me about such a possibility."

Arthur wanted to be furious at Morgana, wanted to give into his earlier urge and actually throw something at her head. But all he felt was numb…Morgana knew. She knew this entire time that something was wrong in Merlin's head, and yet, the other had not said a single word about it. With everything Morgana'd yell at him about in the last few months, one would've thought his driving Merlin to suicide, would've been at the upmost top of the list of things to yell at him about. But no…and it was not just Arthur's memory failing him. He know-knew!-if Morgana'd spoken of suicide, Arthur would've been at Merlin's side in an instant to look into the situation himself. If only to be sure his consort wasn't going to take his life-something that intimately belonged to Arthur to decide what to do with-away from him.

Could Merlin have still been awake and well now, if the woman had spoken up before it was too late?

"I admit, I suspected it for the longest time. There is so much a person can take before they start opting for another way out of the life they've been given. When people-when you-rather with their words or their actions, tell somebody they are either worthless or unwanted, it isn't long before they start to believe it themselves. It doesn't surprise me to hear Merlin has hit his limit." Morgana said bluntly, making Arthur shrink into himself as he heard the accusation in her voice. "But I also didn't have any proof that he would actually do anything. I didn't realize he had already reached his limit. But I admit, after the poisoning it did cross my mind that this could've been his reason. Briefly. I did not dare bring it up though. If Merlin dies, I did not want to stand by and watch Gwen cry herself to death because of it, or watch Gaius blaming himself for the rest of his days because he thought Merlin's death could've been prevented if he was a bit more aware of the situation. Honestly, I'm not sure anything could have prevented what happened to Merlin. He most likely took the opportunity when he saw it. But if it wasn't this then it would have only been something else that came up."

Arthur swallowed lifelessly…he supposed this was the moment he should've demanded to know exactly why Morgana had not even tried to bring this to his attention. But he did not need to, she had already answered it…there was only so much a man is able to take being called worthless or unwanted before he will start to believe it himself. 'Arthur' had made Merlin feel as if he was unwanted…worthless…and Arthur could only blame all this on himself. There was a very high chance Morgana would have assumed Arthur would've said 'good' if she tried bringing it to his attention. Before throwing a crude party to celebrate a pest leaving his life. Arthur wouldn't have-his possessiveness being far too strong to allow Merlin to take himself out of the game-but Morgana wouldn't have known that.

"I don't suppose you were close enough to see his face before he drunk the poison, were you?" Arthur asked instead, but the prince didn't have to look back to see Morgana had shaken her head. He knew she hadn't been close enough…only Arthur had been close enough to see the desolate expression as the other boy lifted the goblet. An expression unlike any Arthur had ever seen on anybody, and he never wanted to see such a grimness on Merlin's face again. "He truly did not care if he would live or die. You know…he accused me of being an abuser just before we walked into the banquet. And this isn't the first time either, a few weeks ago he told me the same thing. But…I hadn't tried hitting him back then. I had yet to lay a real hand on him like I did this afternoon. And yet…Merlin seemed to know what was happening before I admitted it to myself."

Arthur looked back to Morgana, with wide and wounded eyes as he allowed an inch of his true pain to shine through. He did not know how to process everything, or what was going to be happening next, but…Arthur still didn't quite understand. The prince had always associated abuse with something like being hit across the face. He could claim he was only disciplining his consort when he hit him, but he knew now it was something he should have never done. But what about back then, when that vile word had first flung itself off Merlin's lips…abuser. Sure, he had held Merlin down a few times, but he always let go of him after he was done playing and that surely wasn't abuse. And a few of their fights had gotten out of hand, vile words throwing themselves at Merlin before he could stop them, but that was not hitting Merlin either. So how did Merlin know Arthur would turn into an abuser…how did he know Arthur wouldn't simply continue with what they've been doing, instead of escalating to something worse.

Oh…right. Because as Gaius had said, Merlin had feared Arthur would be abusive even before they had met.

"You don't have to actually put your hands on somebody to be called abusive, Arthur. There is so many forms of abuse that it is unreal, and I thought you've just about checked off each and every one of them." Morgana said matter of factly, watching as Arthur's skin went paler than before. But the blond blinked like he didn't quite understand what Morgana meant, and the lady let out a hefty sigh. For a man who claimed to be so smart, the prince really was dumb in other areas. "Just think about all the ways somebody can hurt somebody, Arthur. There's the most common form of abuse, which is hitting and breaking skin and bone and causing marks…physical abuse which is probably the easiest to prove. But then there's also verbal abuse, calling the other person names and spitting vileness at them and making them feel awful about themselves. That's probably the hardest of the big three to prove, because everybody's different. What one person might think is no big deal, could be life shattering to somebody else. And since there isn't any physical markings left behind, it's pretty much their word against somebody else. There's probably thousands of different smaller ways one may abuse somebody, but I think the third one is probably the only one you haven't done…sexual. Which is obviously trying to get somebody to perform sexual acts by either coercion, force, or manipulation…I suppose we should thank our lucky stars you aren't actually gay. If there was a hint of attraction towards the boy, you might have gone that far as well."

Whatever color still clinging to Arthur seemed to drain out of his face, his Adam's apple bobbing restlessly in his throat as he tried swallowing but found himself unable too. Morgana had sounded like a bloody textbook, and it was extremely hard for him to hear a lady speak so plainly about 'sexual acts.' Uther'd probably have her mouth washed out with soap if he heard her just now, but…hearing the different forms of abuse was more off putting for him to hear. Physically…Merlin had the bruises on his face to prove it. Verbally…he had dozens of witnesses to prove he had called Merlin a whore, and that was only the very tip of the iceberg considering everything else he had went and called Merlin in the last few months. And sexually…was Arthur forcing his hand between Merlin's legs and rubbing along that spot he had wanted to claim for his branding mark considered a sexual act? Sure…maybe Arthur had gotten carried away and wanted to force some kind of reaction out of Merlin, see Merlin realize Arthur was even more attractive than any of the men he had slept with. Maybe with a twitch of his cock-Merlin had not twitched at all-or somehow force an actual orgasm out of him so he wouldn't forget Arthur could do much better than any of those other men.

But Arthur had only wanted to prove a point.

He wasn't actually gay.

He wasn't about to start waxing poetry, or sending Merlin any courtship gifts-what gifts would a man, specifically a man like Merlin-want anyway. And he most definitely wasn't about to let Merlin have free rein to his room and his bed…

It…Merlin had sex with so many other guys.

So what was Arthur other than just one more in the lot.

So it wasn't abuse, right?

Arthur wasn't gay, so surely it didn't count if Merlin didn't want it…

Right?

RIGHT!

Oh, god…Arthur was going to throw up all over his rug and his feet and Morgana as well.

Hadn't be fought so strongly in the early days about consent and not forcing Merlin to consummate because it would feel as if Arthur coerced him into doing it? Where had that man gone in the last few weeks. When had he turned into…into…this odd and obsessive freak. If he looked into a mirror right now, then the prince feared he would not even be able to recognize who he was. A stranger staring back at him, staring at a face known to be his, but didn't feel as if it was his at all. To end up staring at his own hands, and wishing he could cut them off with help from his own sword, because at least then he would know the hands could no longer hurt Merlin.

Surely Morgana didn't think he would have forced Merlin into doing something 'worse' than touching Merlin's leg if there'd been any attraction there. Surely she didn't think so little of his restraint…

But surely Merlin would have SAID something, if he didn't want Arthur to do it. Would've fought back if Arthur went too far and tried…violating…him. Unless Merlin had frozen up. He heard of that happening with girls sometimes, when a much larger man made unwanted advances and they were scared of being hurt or killed if they tried putting a stop to it. Had Merlin been too scared of making a scene-of Arthur hurting him (again) if the consort tried denying Arthur his god given right as a husband to touch.

Fuck…he really was going to be sick.

"I think you need to go now, Morgana. I have some things that I need to do in private." Arthur said shakily, as his voice croaked out of him. His bangs were sticking to his forehead, a sheen of sweat overtaking his previously pale face and Arthur could see the lady wasn't moving. But instead, eyeing him with an almost dark suspicion. As if she thought Arthur would undress before climbing straight into bed to sleep whatever was left within the night the second she left, instead of leaving like he'd basically promised to do. Arthur's throat worked itself restlessly, feeling drained to his core and not wanting to fight with Morgana but he just 'needed her' to leave. "Please, Morgana. I need to start packing up my bag with whatever necessities I need if I will be going out there."

Arthur didn't know if it was the shaky smile he had managed to send her way, or if it was the way he had actually said 'please' for something, but Morgana seemed satisfied enough. With a muttered 'I'll leave you to it then' Morgana left him alone, with the door shutting softly behind her as she exited. Leaving the prince alone in his chambers, the firelight flicking in the hearth his only source of light…and having absolutely no idea what he should be doing now. He wanted to stand here and sink into a puddle of goo, mailable and easily broken up. But Arthur knew better than anybody, that a man had to do what he had to do.

Arthur picked up his satchel from where it had been thrown to the wall and left after the last time Arthur had used it. It felt as if he was working on auto-pilot, as if somebody else had taken over the reins of his body to fill up the bag since his mind had decided to take a vacation, unable to keep up with the strain of what he was trying to avoid. He hadn't…he didn't…had he went and spent his evening 'violating' Merlin…Arthur slid a soft pair of extra breeches and a shirt into his bag. He hadn't…he would not be capable of…Arthur carefully wrapped up extra provision from a lone plate that had been sitting on the edge of the table for him. An extra plate of food his manservant must've left for him, since the change in festivities had started before the main course could be served. Arthur wasn't the kind of monster that would…surely Merlin would know Arthur wouldn't try too…then the prince slid in a few extra daggers into the side pockets. He could never be too careful, and any extra weapon he could get his hands on could be the one weapon that saved his life…

But unfortunately, that seemed to be everything the pack was willing to hold. It didn't feel like enough, though the bag looked to be bursting at the seams. But Arthur could not help but feel as if he was missing something…something important. But the prince could not hope to figure out what it was, that was trying to scrape its way out of his clouded mind. It probably was not anything important, or he would know what it was, right? Or it was insanely important, and Arthur was only going to think of it when he was in the midst of fighting for his life…

When Arthur eventually gave up on thinking about what it was he was missing, he stared forlornly into the sack. He needed…Arthur needed to learn how to be gentle and soft, he decided on a spur of the moment. That was what Merlin wanted from him, what Merlin needed. Merlin was probably going to be in his own world after Arthur woke him up, he was probably going to be really fragile and need guidance to get him through this difficult time in his life. Arthur could be that man, or at least…he wanted to be that man. To treat Merlin as if he was actually made out of the most fragile glass known to man, and he had to be gentle because if he wasn't…one wrong touch might just send Merlin back to where he was now. Willing to kill himself to escape his pain, instead of talking it out…

Arthur needed to be that man…

Needed to be the one to help Merlin…

Because god help him, Arthur would probably go off and try to kill himself if this didn't bloody work.

The door behind Arthur was suddenly flung open, as the blond was closing the bag, so hard that it banged against the wall. It was startling, but not more startling than the surge of hope the prince felt flooding his system…he knew of only one man in all the kingdom who would violate his privacy and enter inside his private domain without knocking. And that one person being in his room meant Arthur didn't have to go anywhere…it meant all had been wrong and there'd been some kind of mistake. Could Gaius had translated the symptoms wrong, and the poison had came from something completely different than the one in the book? Maybe the physician had the Ingredients right inside his chambers and was able to fix Merlin up a cure that would work instantaneously. Maybe Merlin was here now so they could talk for real…

Arthur should have felt trepidation and fear because he did not know how Merlin was going to react when facing him. Since he had came up with this entire plan in his head that relied on him gaining his consort's forgiveness by saving his life in turn. But he didn't get the chance to save his life…but it also didn't have to matter one wit. Because Merlin was here. He was here, and Arthur was finally going to get to talk to him, and see his eyes and face and lips and bruised skin and…Arthur's brain felt as if it had screeched to a halt when he spun around and saw who'd entered his chambers.

It wasn't Merlin at all…

It was Morris.

"What do you think you are doing?" Arthur demanded, his tone rougher and more harsher than it usually was when his servant showed up. His expression had completely dropped, rage was burning in his eyes…how dare he. How bloody dare Morris just walk into his chambers as if he owned the place. And making…making Arthur think for one second that Merlin was actually up and walking around on his own. It was as if somebody had just given Arthur the sun itself, and then yanked it away so he was forever stuck in an abyss of shadows. It was heartbreaking and Arthur tended to lash out when confronted with feelings he did not understand. "Who do you think you are just coming inside my chambers unannounced! I should have your bloody head if you are going to do something as foolish as that!"

Morris paused in mid-step, an oddly cheerful look across his face that froze the second Arthur's wrath was on him, neither boy noticing the door closing behind him. Arthur's lip went all furled up in disgust…he did not think he could remember one single time where Morris had just walked into his chambers as if it were his own like that. The boy knew to knock and wait to get an answer, or knew to enter to do his chores if it became clear Arthur wasn't there. So why now…why when Arthur was so raw and salty about Merlin, did the other boy choose to go against his training? Now, on all days for it to happen…

"I-I apologize sire, sincerely. I did not mean to disturb you and I suppose I just didn't think…I've seen Merlin walking into your chambers on more than one occasion so I guess I just slipped up-" Morris' frozen cheerfulness dropped in an instant when he saw Arthur's lip curling higher. Seriously, thought Arthur as he felt a blood vessel somewhere in his head that might have been too close to bursting. Morris had walked into his room as he saw Merlin did…he somehow thought HE, a manservant and whose only job was to see Arthur lived comfortably, was in any way comparable to his consort? Arthur might not have felt like it before, but now…Merlin had every right to walk into his room as he damn well pleased. They were husbands. And there were some boundaries that shouldn't exist between married people, even a pair that had their…unique situation. But Morris must've seen he had been wrong to make any kind of assumption that he'd be treated with the same privileges his consort had, since he threw his head down in a bow. "I am genuinely sorry. For the life of me, I cannot begin to understand what I thought. But I simply came by because I thought you might like a little bit of company. I know tonight has been rough, and I thought it may be better for you to not be alone. With tonight's events…I think I couldn't stay away. Not without making sure you were going to be alright."

Morris peeked his eyes up at Arthur through his lashes, with a faux blush growing high on his cheeks that Arthur didn't notice at all. The prince forced down the feral growl trying to make its way out his throat. It wasn't Morris he was mad at. He'd been simply taking his anger-his own frustration with himself-out on the first person who had been stupid enough to rile him up. He wouldn't forget his manservant's stupidity-thinking he had any of the same rights as Merlin, honestly!-but Arthur could hardly waste the energy it would take to be properly mad at him. Not when there were other far more important things that took his precedence over whatever meaningless fight he would start up with Morris. The manservant had only been trying to be kind if he came all this way just to see him, after all. And in any other occasion, Arthur might have actually appreciated not actually being alone. Though Morris was hardly the person he would've chosen to keep him company. Somebody wasting his time with their fawning was not somebody Arthur was interested in.

"I do not think that will be necessary. I have had plenty of time with other people, and adequate company over the last several hours. So yours is simply not needed." Arthur said bluntly, and he turned back to his bag readjusting the strap so that it would fall in a more comfortable angle against his side. Arthur could hardly go running through the forest and not expect to trip if it was thumping against him along the back of his knees. And it's why he completely missed the look of pure rage flashing along Morris' face-furious at being dismissed so easily when he was trying his best here to keep Arthur's attention after his earlier blunder-before smoothing out into something more gentle by the time Arthur looked back up again. "Besides, my consort is the only company I will need for quite some time. So I sincerely doubt I will ever need to hear such an offer coming out of your lips again, do you understand me, Morris?"

Morris nodded stiffly, fingers clamped together in front of his body, and it hit Arthur like he had just been hit over the head by a pillowcase filled with bricks. What he had been forgetting to bring with him! It wasn't anything that would save his life in the long run, but he couldn't possibly leave without something to remind him of what he was fighting for. He needed to grab onto something that belonged to Merlin, even if it was only the smallest trinket. Something that wouldn't take up too much of a space in his bag, and taking up space for his actual needed supplies. Something that would remind Arthur of Merlin's face every time he looked at it, something that would give Arthur a reason to come back so he could stare at Merlin's face just a bit more. Something that made Arthur want to count out how many hidden freckles could be in Merlin's alabaster skin, and something that made him wonder how many eyelashes Merlin had framing those blue gems.

But what could such an item be…

Maybe he could grab something out of the box he had gifted to Merlin that was sitting on his bedside table where Arthur'd left it? One of the little bottles of herbs, or even the little doll Merlin never played with. But…those were all items Arthur had given to Merlin, and he had hated each and every one of them with a fire Arthur didn't know somebody could hold when they were handed fine gifts. They didn't feel personal enough to his delicate senses…none of those items would feel as if they may carry a trace of Merlin's being and essence inside of them. As if Merlin himself had somehow imprinted his form onto such a small and insignificant item.

"Sire, I'm conflicted because I think you want me to leave. But I don't think it's healthy to leave you here either…you speak as if you are planning to spend a lot of time being in the presence of Merlin. But we all know that impossible." Morris let out this weak laugh, as if this joke was somehow funny, and somehow missing the way Arthur was stilling. Morris actually did find the whole situation funny, here he was waiting for Merlin to end up ran out of town. And all he had to do was sit back and allow his adversary to pull himself out of the game. And maybe he was a bit bitter as well-furious, even. Though he did a good job with hiding it from Arthur-since he didn't appreciate Merlin trying to save him from being the one to drink the poison. Morris would have whether drunk the damn thing himself, then allow himself to be known as the servant boy who'd been saved by Consort Merlin. It was humiliating! Being deemed a victim, he had more people than he could count asking him how it felt to know that the consort saved his life. It was infuriating! "I mean, with your husband being dead now, you obviously won't see him around here anymore. But hey, I am more than willing to pick up any of the slack and provide you with entertainment to keep him out of mind."

Did Morris sound a little desperate? He probably did, but none of what he'd tried before to get Arthur's attention seemed as if it was working. He was starting to wonder if he had to spell out what he wanted to get Arthur's attention, or at least a false-lie -version of what he wanted. And with Merlin now being taken out of the picture-a worm of glee slithered around the deeper insides of his belly-he could take his shot to get closer to the prince. Everybody knew somebody going through a rough time was more easier susceptible towards other advances. And the prince was probably as happy as Morris was about the sudden demise of his consort! So maybe that was something that they could bond over…keeping such a huge secret from the masses who thought Arthur and Merlin had really loved each other. All of them were narrow minded fools for not seeing what'd been right in front of them. They weren't like Morris, who was smart enough to eavesdrop on a private conversation between their prince and king, and learned there had been far more to all of this then what was being told to the mass population…

"Merlin isn't dead! He still breaths, his heart still beats, and he is expected to make a full recovery!" Arthur practically snarled with a rabid expression on his face, jerking his satchel over his head as Morris shrunk back surprised. But Arthur didn't care if Morris got upset with him, he was only a servant who had also put his foot in his mouth once again. He wasn't delicate Merlin who needed all the time and care he could spare. Morris trying to say he was dead…Arthur almost felt as if Morris had tried to doom the boy. Placing a gypsy's curse or maybe some kind of jinx that would result in Merlin's ultimate demise before Arthur even left the castle. "That is yet another thing I do not want to hear come from your lips again, do you hear me Morris? I don't want you speaking of Merlin at all. There's no reason for you to do so."

Maybe it was silly for Arthur to think such horrid superstitious nonsense could actually come true, Arthur wasn't usually one to believe in such things. But truth be told, he still wouldn't say he believed in something so foolish. Anybody who did were so gullible, they'd be fooled by a snake charmer even as the man is distracting you long enough to swipe your coin pouch. But it was Merlin's health on the line, and Arthur wasn't going to take any chances with that. Even if he had to-horrified gasp-stop a servant from speaking of him. He would not live with a thought like 'if he had only told Morris to stop talking about Merlin like he's already dead, then he'd be alive' creeping into his skull in the dead of night when he laid in bed next to the empty room his consort had detested.

"What do you mean he's not dead!" Morris apparently did not take Arthur's warning to heart, the shock coursing through him as his surprised forced his real emotions to show on his face…no, no, no. Morris thought angrily. Merlin was supposed to be dead, he was supposed to be out of his way. Morris was meant to have full access to the prince! Not settling for the bits that Merlin left behind while the prince floundered about over some man who should've had fleas already picking at his dead flesh, the only thing he was good for, as far as Morris would ever be concerned. But Arthur was glaring at him sharply, and the slim servant swallowed hard, forcing back the indescribable rage in him that made him want to act like a child. And throw a major tantrum, screaming about how none of this was fair, and what did he have to do to get Merlin to go away completely. Morris forced his voice to gentle, playing the understanding servant he'd been for years now. Patience was key, after all… "Please, I do apologize for my outburst, sire. I was just not expecting this kind of news. Do you really mean it? Will Merlin make himself a full recovery? Gaius truly said he would survive? Because all of us saw the way Merlin fell onto the floor. He…it didn't look that good, sire. Many people probably think he's already dead, but if you say he is not…"

This news…upset Arthur greatly. People should not be talking about his consort at all. Their unworthy lips should not utter or spread tales that included his consort's name in any way. But the prince forced down his growl of frustration…frustrating as it might be, Arthur could see a tactical strategy involved with the people thinking Merlin was dead. Nobody would try to do their best to sneak into Gaius' quarters and finish the job while Merlin was unable to fight back or call for the guards. Not one soul would waste time trying to go after a dead man. So…the consort was going to be dead. As far as the people knew, until Merlin could walk out of the healing quarters on his own feet…he was dead. If only he had thought about this before he went and allowed his emotions to get the best of him in front of the servant. But…despite the problems Arthur'd had with Morris in the past involving Merlin, he knew the servant could keep shut about the matters of state. He wouldn't be manservant to the Prince himself if he couldn't keep certain things he saw firmly to himself.

"You are to keep this to yourself, do you understand me? This is of the upmost important, Morris. Nobody is going to know of my consort's survival." Arthur's voice must have been strict, as the manservant nodded his head with wide eyes. Arthur kept a stern look on him, imparting on the servant just how important it was for him to keep this to himself, just to make sure. Should Arthur hear word of this running around the gossip mills, then at least he would know whose head he would be taking for his own. It wouldn't be a shame to see Morris go if this simple task was impossible for him. Arthur continued, "I'll be leaving within the hour. So Camelot is gonna have to survive without a prince for a few days. Do you think you can keep my whereabouts to yourself as well?"

Morris' gasp was audible, looking dumbstruck by Arthur and his declaration. Arthur wasn't surprised, it would have been strange to not see such an extreme reaction. Camelot was in a state of emergency, enemy fire could be surrounding along the boarders of the kingdom any day now, depending on when the Mercian kingdom heard of Bayard's arrest. If that happened, it was Arthur who would be expecting to lead the armies out on the frontlines into battle. Sure, others were trained to take his spot if the worse happened and Arthur fell in battle-Leon was a name that came to mind-but there was no protocol if Arthur was missing from the battle completely. Camelot knights may spend more time trying to find him, possibly think he got taken by the enemy as a captive at some point was actually a worse case scenario. And yet…Arthur was still leaving the kingdom in this state.

Was Arthur choosing Merlin over Camelot…

He didn't think so. He just needed to be quick and return long before any battle struck out. Even if he had to fight through an army standing in his way to return.

"The only way Merlin has a hope in surviving, is if I can return with an ingredient Gaius needs for the cure. But it only grows in a place outside the city. If I cannot bring it, then…" the blond stopped his explanation-Morris deserved one if he was going to be keeping something this huge from the better population of the castle-not wanting to finish the thought. Arthur was still overly cautious about jinxing Merlin if he said the wrong thing at the wrong time…the prince shook his head. "Which is why I can assume even you understand how imperative it is to keep my father in the dark about all of this before…the mission will be dangerous and father does not think we will succeed. But…my consort needs this, so I'm going."

Arthur didn't see the vein forming in Morris' neck, throbbing in irritation, as he checked his bag one more time to make sure it carried everything he needed. Maybe Arthur could…somehow, sneak past both Gwen and Gaius to get to Merlin's room, and have a proper pick among his belongings to find something he knew would be worth bringing with him. But he wasn't exactly that sneaky, and it wasn't like they were going anywhere…but perhaps Arthur could check around the back of the chambers. Maybe there were footholds in the brick Arthur could climb to get into Merlin's window without being seen, he really did not want Gaius or Gwen to be asking what he was doing with his hands buried in Merlin's meager belongings. Although…maybe he should get those bricks checked out at some point. Now he had found something new to stress about, thinking of any and all manner of wicked people trying to climb through the other boy's window-after he was healed enough to return to his own chosen rooms-while he was sleeping.

"Wait!" Morris exclaimed loudly, when Arthur started to stride past him towards the door without another look-he really was not able to spend much time on Morris if he still wanted time to grab something-and the boy practically threw himself into Arthur's way. Arthur blinked, jerking back startled when Morris plastered his back against the wooden frame of his door, with his arms outstretched on either side, as if he was trying what he could to stop Arthur from leaving. "You don't have to go! Or at least not yet! Please, Prince Arthur. I am sure…I mean…your father didn't want this. Are you sure it's for the best…"

Morris stopped for the length of a heartbeat when he saw the prince's baffled expression, and the manservant immediately wished he could swallow his own tongue. This was not going at all like he hoped it would be. Arthur was supposed to be in here celebrating his good fortune, and being graceful enough to allow his simple servant to join him. This was supposed to be the opportunity of a lifetime to make his move. He was not supposed to find Arthur planning on running away, and he was not expecting to flounder away in front of him. But perhaps, he dismissed the plan trying to form in his mind. He couldn't allow Arthur to run off, and then go running straight to Uther so that the king could put a stop to it. Morris knew the prince had not entirely forgiven him for the whole 'lying to him about the idiot bossing around Gwen.' Betraying his trust like that would have him thrown out on his arse, and three years of sucking up and working under the prince would've been for nothing should he end up right back where he started.

"Well, what my father knows isn't going to hurt him, Morris. I'm sure he will figure it out soon, I only need a head start so I'll be long gone before he does." Arthur said, narrowing his eyes just slightly, when he noticed Morris wasn't moving himself out the way. As much as Arthur could understand Morris' worry-it was only natural to be concerned if there was one less knight going around protecting and evacuating the citizens-but he did know what he was doing. Kinda. Maybe. Okay, maybe he was simply running on fumes and hoping it won't catch up to him till after he got his hands on that flower. "If you cannot handle this then perhaps you could sequester yourself in the servants quarters just in case the worst happens. But I really need to go."

Arthur tried reaching past Morris for the door handle poking out from underneath the servant's shoulder. And Arthur didn't care if he knocked Morris out of the way to do it. He was going to Merlin, or so help him, heads were going to roll. Morris was allowed to be freaked out, but he wasn't allowed to stand right in Arthur's way and prevent him from leaving his own chamber like he was some kind of prisoner. But then Morris was sliding himself further down, desperation crossing his face as he tried hiding the handle behind his back before Arthur could grab it.

"Please. Arthur. It's not your father I'm worried about. But I just need you to listen to me really quickly, okay. I know that you've gotten it into your head that you have to go rescue him and be a knight in shining armor to his damsel in distress or whatever but it's not necessary."'Morris spat out in a rush before Arthur could stop him. This was his big moment. His chance to stop all of this and get involved with the fates of Camelot and there was no chance he was going to allow an opportunity to slip its way through his fingers. "You don't have to save him. You can just stay here…nobody will know. Nobody but me…this can be a secret the two of us will carry to our graves together. Hasn't Merlin caused you enough problems since he's been here? Will it not be easier for you to just…leave Merlin to his fate."

Morris looked as if he was pleading with Arthur, even holding a hand out as if he thought Arthur would grab onto it and keep a tight hold on him. Swearing their secret under the bright lights of the moon, binding them together in a way Morris felt would be even stronger than the silly marriage vows Arthur had took with Merlin. But Arthur didn't take his hand…it looked as if the prince had completely shut down. No expression on his face, a shadow forming somewhere behind his eyes that made Morris feel uneasy. Perhaps he had came on too strong….but he knew what he wanted. And while patience was key, the only way that things would change for him was if he stepped out and took all he wanted in hand.

"…I am quite unsure rather or not I understood you properly. It might be time for me to clean out my ears, because I am sure I did not hear what I thought I just heard, Morris." Arthur said in a frostily cold voice, devoid of the familiarity he'd been talking to Morris with earlier. Morris dropped his hand down to rest at his side in an instant, a tremor making his entire arm shake as the prince rose hard eyes to meet his own. Morris had not ever seen that expression on the prince before…it kinda reminiscent of the stony expression Uther wore whenever he was ordering an execution to be seen through. "Perhaps you didn't mean to make your words sound like they did. Because it sure sounded as if you just told me to let my Consort die. To leave him on his death bed and wait for his passing."

Arthur could hear the sharp and clipped way he spoke towards his manservant, but he was truly appalled by what he had just heard. Sure, Arthur had considered leaving Merlin to whatever the fates decided for him not that long ago. But after Morgana, it felt as if something had shifted inside of him. And then for a servant to come into, and act as if a human life-Merlin's life-is worthless. Let's just say, Morris was bloody lucky Arthur was giving him this simple chance to correct himself instead of just going for his sword and delivering both the flower and Morris' head on a silver platter to Merlin. So the other boy would see and marvel at Arthur's dedication towards him and his safety.

Morris didn't take the life jacket Arthur was all but dangling in his face.

"Just think about it Arthur, think about this with the mind of a true noble. Merlin has done nothing but get in your way since he's been here. And I know things are very difficult with-" and Morris waved his hand flippantly, not sure how much he should reveal that he knew about them. "Your…relationship. But Merlin is unfit to be anywhere near proper people. Especially so close to somebody with your caliber. I think this couldn't be anymore perfect if it tried to be. This entire situation could be looked at as if it's a gift, actually. Bayard might not have realized what he has done, but he's given you the chance to be free of Merlin. It won't be so bad if you give it a chance. Would it really-" Morris looked down at his shoes as if he was shy, a blush returning to his cheekbones. "Be so wrong for you to stay here with me?"

The cold chill that had formed in the pit of Arthur's stomach was starting to spread throughout his organs and bloodstream and veins and…how had he missed something this huge hitting him in the face. How had he missed seeing Morris standing in front of him all this time? He took in the pink blush, the shying glance away, the…Morris had always been disguised as being nothing more than a simple servant. Somebody Arthur had not paid any attention to in all the time he'd known him. And yet…it was as if Arthur couldn't take his eyes off of him. And he didn't like what he saw. Morris was like a cheap knock off of Merlin…only, Merlin would have never batted his lashes at Arthur as his servant was doing now. Did he have something in his eye? But no matter…because Arthur could see Morris as the snake he'd always been.

Morris was a threat.

He had said it was 'perfect' that Merlin laid in a coma.

That was not something Arthur would ever be willing to just go and overlook.

And Arthur bristled, pulling himself up to his full height. Morris wasn't a threat to himself. He might be a complete nutter, but it wasn't as if Morris could hurt Arthur. But Morris was a threat to Merlin…a terrible, horrible threat. Merlin was quite a vicious little thing who gave as good as he got, but Arthur hadn't ever seen Morris in a fight. And Merlin was so weak, even if he was awake if Morris decided to show his crazy to him. And the two boys were so close together in terms of build…Merlin was a bit taller but Morris looked heavier. He wasn't sure who would've came out on top if Morris went over the deep end, something Arthur seriously feared with this kind of talk.

"Morris, I am going to need to ask you something. And I fully expect for you to tell me the truth." Arthur said crisply, and the manservant blinked up at him adoringly and nodded his head as if he was an eager little puppy. It made Arthur sick straight to his stomach, and he didn't even want to acknowledge that whole 'stay with me' part of what Morris had said. Perhaps the prince was out of line for thinking what he was thinking at the moment, but seeing Morris behaving this way made something stick out in his mind. "You were the one that approached me to tell me about the rumors that called Merlin out as a whore. If you recall, you also said there was a witness but you could not give me the name of the person who saw my consort entering another man's bedroom. Please tell me…were you the witness? Were you the one that spread the news before telling me so I'd be unable to contain them before they spiraled completely out of control?"

Arthur didn't notice he was holding his breath, watching as the manservant reeled back in surprise, blinking in shock. It was a good reaction, but Arthur wasn't entirely convinced yet. Arthur had not thought much about the circumstance surrounding all the rumors, but now it was like it was the only thing Arthur was able to think about. He remembered the way Morgana had not been pleased when he told her it was Morris who had told him about the rumors. Remembered the way Morris had given him just enough information to rile him up and send him off on his way. But something like that was devious to the core, not even Morris could have came up with something so horrid. And for what…because he had never liked Merlin? Arthur remembered those earlier days, and how he had done nothing whenever the manservant got too lippy with his consort. Had all that dislike been festering away under Morris' skin? Had Arthur missed all that because he was too enraptured with his consort to think of anybody else.

Arthur didn't like the idea of being blinded.

But he disliked the idea of a traitor in his midst…

Somebody who would stir stuff up like that was no better than if it had been Morris who handed Merlin the poison himself.

And Morris had already proven he wasn't above starting stuff just to see what would happen after…

"What? NO! Of course not sire! I can assure you, I learned my lesson the last time I did something wrong and you had to yell at me to put me back in my place. I can assure you that it was not I who started all of that nonsense. I was simply the one to inform you it was happening, like a loyal servant." Morris said in a placating tone, but Arthur could grudgingly admit that he seemed genuine. Genuine about this, but that didn't mean the manservant still wasn't some kind of threat to his consort. The prince had been looking at Mercia in case they tried to make a move on his weakened consort. But maybe he should've been looking under his own nose this entire time. "Please, sire. I do think you are only accusing me because of all the stress. If you would like, perhaps I could feed you strawberries and rub your back for you? You've been through so much during these last few hours. I know I can help you relax if you would just let me."

Arthur did not trust Morris, this was clearly some kind of ploy to make the prince fall in line and get distracted from saving his consort's life. The prince detested strawberries with this deep loathing, somebody who regularly handled his food was meant to know this-he wondered if Merlin liked strawberries. It was also obviously a ploy, because Arthur had not once-in the entire time Morris had been employed by him-made the other give him a back rub. Something like that was far too intimate to be done by another man, but there were several females in the castle whose sole job was being a masseuse for the nobles though Arthur only ever used one occasionally.

"I do not need any help 'relaxing'. In fact, relaxing would be the very last thing on my mind right now." Arthur said crisply, while still watching and waiting for whatever move Morris was going to make next. And if the move would prove rather or not Morris was truly as dangerous as he was delusional. Or if it was only a deep seated paranoid setting off all of Arthur's alarms. He was not disappointed when Morris pouted in what looked to be this over exaggerated attempt at being appealing, before the other was reaching out for Arthur. In an instant, the prince held onto his manservant by the wrist-ignoring the startled shriek of pain he let out-before he could touch Arthur's chest. "You've gone too far, Morris. Maybe you didn't have anything to do with the news of my consort's activities getting out. But admitting you want my consort to die…it's dangerously close to treason. This gives me every right to take your fool head off. My Consort, he is your better in every way possible. And this is how you try to treat him, right in front of me? Give me one reason as to why I should not snap your neck right now and leave you for some of my guards to find."

Arthur's voice had been gruff, serious, and Morris knew-as the hair on his arms stood on end-that Arthur was deadly serious in the worst of ways. Arthur's eyes were like two cesspools of pure energy firing off into Morris' soul, as if he could make the manservant combust with that look alone. And Morris hissed in pain as Arthur squeezed him a little tighter…warning him to try treading carefully. Because his next words very well could end up being his last…but Morris had always been a truly confident fella. And if Merlin had somehow managed to whore his way to the prince's throne, then why couldn't Morris do the same.

Some sacrifices needed to be made if one wanted power.

And Morris would gladly allow the prince to use him for even a fraction of what the prince could give him.

Besides, no matter how much practice Merlin's had at this…the manservant was confident he could do better.

"Because, Arthur-" this time, the familiarity of his name falling off Morris' lips sent a jolt of disgust through the prince…it was not everyday a servant decided he was special enough to not need to use his title. "I know what you need to relax. And I can show you I am far better at whatever Merlin might do to temp a man such as yourself into his bed." And Arthur's jaw fell to the ground as the manservant used his free hand, shoving his too large shirt to the side so it bared an extremely large portion of Morris' shoulder. Arthur could have sworn he saw a quick flash of Morris' nipple before the shirt slid back into place. "Tell me how your consort excites you. Tell me what he has to do to get you hard. Tell me, and allow me, and let me prove to you…I can do better. Has the consort ever taken you into his mouth? I've heard some whores refuse to do that. But I could do it…sire."

Morris' sultry words and half lidded eyes made Arthur's brain hit zero to a hundred in a heartbeat, a wave of disgust, horror, and panic swirling inside of him as the manservant started to reach for the tie on his pants.