Begin Recording

Memory

Recording by Scribe Ellison

So Nick found out about a Dr. Amari at a place called the Memory Den, who he thought could get information from the tech he pulled out of Kellogg's head. The place is in Goodneighbor. Which is a real pain to find from just a map marker. I finally found the door and… Goodneighbor. Where the first person you meet tries to sell you a protection racket and the second person you meet stabs the first one to death. And he's a ghoul in a red coat and tricorn, and he's the mayor. But he recognized me as, "You must be Nick Valentine's friend. Don't let this little incident taint your view of our little community. Goodneighbor is by the people, for the people. Stay cool and you'll do fine. As long as you remember who's in charge."

"Got it." I said, hoping I did.

Goodneighbor is home to a lot of ghouls, the first intelligent ghouls I'd met. I managed not to scream, to the surprise of Daisy the ghoul shopkeeper.

We had a moment, talking about before the war. The green grass. It was not a long conversation because we were both in danger of crying.

Finding out there really were people still alive from before the war lifted my spirits after seeing the mayor murder somebody. I was thinking there must be ghoul doctors and dentists, architects. People who knew how to make all the things that had been lost with the old world. Maybe the Minutemen could recruit them.

I was right, somewhat anyway. Doc Jenna's teacher was a ghoul who did emergency medicine before the war. We have a ghoul dentist too, he lives at The Slog most of the time and he's the richest guy in the settlement.

The Memory Den is in an old theater, with the red marquee still up and posters still outside. Inside, more red, red walls, red sofas and the 'memory loungers' that look… a little like a submarine in a comic book, they're chairs with glass canopies that close over them. One had a man sitting in it, asleep. The proprietress, Irma, greeted me with a smile and a warning not to get Nick into trouble. I recognized the same affection Ellie held for Nick, that I was starting to feel as well. Nick's… I see you're skeptical about synths but Nick is something special.

He was downstairs talking to Dr. Amari, who sounded uncertain. She got more excited when she saw the implant and learned it was from someone connected to the Institute.

Nick's idea was that Amari would wire the implant to him.

"That won't hurt you?" I asked immediately.

"Aw, I'm past my sell-by date anyway. And we've got a missing kid on the line and inside knowledge of the Institute, the biggest secret in the Commonwealth. This is worth the risk."

So Amari tried attaching the thing but Nick couldn't get anything but static. Amari said he'd be all right but it seemed pretty uncomfortable for Nick. I was suddenly wishing there was a better way, one that didn't put my friend in danger.

Then Amari suggested that two minds might be able to make sense of what was in the implant. With two memory loungers synced together Nick could read the memories on the implant and I'd experience them. Which would probably be safe for both of us.

But first Dr. Amari wanted me to take a memory lounger for a spin to calibrate it to my brainwaves or something. This wasn't tech I knew, this memory stuff hadn't been around before the war, so I had no idea what to expect when I sat down in the funny chair. But if it was going to get me closer to Shaun I'd do it.

The clear cover closed down over me and I watched Dr. Amari fiddling with something on a terminal. From a speaker her voice said, "Memories involving other people are the easiest, events involving loved ones. Does anything come to mind?"

I suddenly wondered if it might work. "...my husband."

"All right. Let's see what we can find. You just relax and watch the screen."

The world went white and then I was somewhere else. A classroom, it was so clear I could smell that school smell and see the textbook and brand new notebook on my desk. And just like when it really happened the cute guy I'd never had an excuse to talk to at the gym sat down next to me and I was just as happy as the first time.

"This book's two inches thick, do we have to read it all this semester? I'm Nate Mason."

"Emily Rhonda." I managed, probably not blushing.

"What brings you to Criminal Justice 101, Emily Rhonda?"

"A law career, I hope. If I can get through the textbook. How about you?"

"Military scholarship..."

My vision was bleaching out again and I didn't hear the rest of the conversation. I was back in the memory lounger looking at a screen that had gone to static. "Wait! Send me back!" I said before the lounger's top opened up and everything about where I was came back to me. Memory Den. Trying to look into the memories of Nate's killer. "Oh wow, that was..."

Dr. Amari smiled. "It's something isn't it. Before you ask, memory loungers are perfectly safe for a few hours, once or twice a year. If used too often the neural stimulation degrades the brain's ability to form new memories."

I nodded and translated, "I can't just spend all my time..."

"Everybody has a moment they want to make last forever. Now, we've got a good picture of your brainwaves, we can start looking into this implant as soon as you're ready."

Nick waved from the other memory lounger, he looked a lot calmer about this than I felt considering he was the one about to risk his brain. "Let's do this."

I needed a minute and a glass of water then I said, "Ok. I'm ready." And the memory lounger closed and everything faded white then black.

I don't remember most of what I saw. It's like a dream, the details fade but the feeling hangs around like a bad taste in your mind. But I was apparently talking the whole time, Dr. Amari has a holotape of me sounding stoned and describing bits of Kellogg's life. It was a really tragic life. Abusive childhood, then his wife and daughter were killed and he didn't come back from it. Stopped hoping for something better and started just surviving.

Once he'd turned into something more gun than man the Institute found him. A woman in white and three skeletal, early synths. Kellogg had the 'skills' they needed to work on the surface so he became their human hit man for things they couldn't do with the gen-one synths.

Then I ended up in his memory of the vault. Those memories didn't fade so much, wish they would. Maybe that's just trauma. So I experienced Kellogg's feelings as he came to steal something the Institute needed. He didn't even know what they were after.

The Institute scientists killed my neighbors, they shut down the other cryo-pods. Kellogg didn't know why. He shot Nate—out of pity. Kellogg knew what it felt like to outlive your child, and pity moved him to murder instead of finding another way. He wanted to kill me too out of the same pity. And fear. He was afraid of me, he knew how he felt about his child's killers and was afraid of that same rage coming for him.

Having all those feelings dumped in my head was not pleasant. I wanted to throw up with my brain. From the outside world Dr. Amari said my heart rate was rising and did I think I could handle one more memory. I presume I answered because I found myself in Kellogg's house in Diamond City.

With Shaun. He was sitting on the floor reading through a pile of medical magazines, just like he's probably sitting reading somewhere in sanctuary right now.

Kellogg was thinking about plans and being 'bait' and 'The Old Man.' The old Man sent him here as bait, the Old Man was setting him up to be killed by… me? I was trying to make sense of Kellogg's thoughts, so many words that didn't carry enough meaning, that I was startled when the synth entered the scene. A gen-three, looked like a muscular man in a long black coat. A courser, I learned more about them later. Elite soldier synths.

The courser was bringing a new assignment to track down a scientist who'd 'gone rogue.' Someone had escaped the Institute. Doctor Brian Virgil, I guess I said the name over and over to make sure Amari caught it. He'd fled to the Glowing Sea and Kellogg had to go kill him so the courser was going to take Shaun away.

Shaun said, "You're taking me to my father?" I just wanted to hear his voice again.

The courser said, "Yes. Please stand next to me and hold still." Shaun didn't seem troubled by its robotic speech, and didn't seem terribly upset when he said goodbye to Kellogg. I got a rush of sadness from Kellogg that he didn't show. He'd liked Shaun, he hadn't wanted to but… you try living with that kid and not liking him.

Then Shaun and the courser vanished in a double blast of lightning.

"Teleportation!" Doctor Amari's voice said excitedly. "That explains why nobody can find the entrance to the Institute! There is no entrance! I'm ready to get you out of there, as soon as you're ready."

I was ready. I wanted to see my son, but not through Kellogg's poisonous mind. I jolted myself awake and nearly toppled out of the memory lounger. Amari was there telling me to take it slow and checking my vital signs. She said I was fine, but I felt like I'd just woken up from a nightmare.

My next question was, "Is Nick all right?"

"I unplugged him while you were waking up. He seems to have suffered no ill effects and went upstairs to wait with Irma. Are you going to look for Brian Virgil in the Glowing Sea?"

"I guess I'll have to. What's the Glowing Sea?"

I will let you imagine Doctor Amari's expression of dismay! She had to tell my poor fresh-out-of-the-vault self that the Glowing sea is the irradiated land around the bomb crater. She talked about protective suits and antiradiation chems.

Thinking about that… well, the other option was to sink into despair. The Institute had teleportation, impossible tech, straight out of a comic book and they had it. Shaun really was somewhere I couldn't reach. The only comfort was that he hadn't seemed scared, and he'd mentioned a father. He had a family. But I couldn't give up until I saw him again and knew for sure that he was all right. So I'd figure out how to walk across a bombed out wasteland and not die.

But not now. Now I wanted food and a drink and a quiet sit-down somewhere that wasn't the Memory Den.

I found Nick sitting on a sofa just inside the door waiting patiently. "Hey, Nick."

Kellogg's voice said, "Hope you found what you were looking for inside my head. I was right, I should've killed you when you were on ice."

My heart skipped a beat. "...Kellogg? Is that you?"

Then, thank god, Nick spoke in his own voice. "What? What are you talking about?"

"You sounded like Kellogg just then."

"Amari said there might be some mnemonic impressions. But anyway I feel fine, so let's get going. Back to Diamond City?"

"Yes. I need noodles and we need to figure out how to walk through the Glowing Sea."

Nick was fine, he never spoke with Kellogg's voice again, but we were halfway back to Diamond City before my heartrate slowed down.

We collected Piper and Nat and I got my noodles and a beer. Piper grumbled a lot about how she hadn't gotten anywhere investigating the Brotherhood of Steel. She'd tracked the airship to the Boston airport but, "A bunch of suits of power armor told me to go away."

Valentine rasped, "The Brotherhood wanted us to know they come in peace but they don't seem to want us to know much else."

Piper nodded and pointed her chopsticks back towards Publick Occurences, "Not to sound like Myrna but maybe we shouldn't talk too long out here."

While we crossed the market slurping noodles Nat gave me the rundown on the Glowing Sea. "It's so irradiated you glow just walking past! It's full of deathclaws and giant radscorpions! There's a huge army of ferals that's going to come out and get us one of these days! And those nutty Children of Atom live there!"

"They do?" I asked around a mouthful of noodles.

Piper said, "Probably not for very long."

"I've heard of it too. There's supposed to be a cult that lives in the crater itself. I don't see how." Nick rasped.

But if there really were people in the Glowing Sea maybe they would know where this Doctor Virgil was hiding. That made the idea seem almost possible. "Does anyone have a map?"

"Of the Glowing Sea? No." But Piper spread out a map of the Commonwealth. It was on several pieces of paper that had to be laid out in the right order, and looked like someone might have traced a prewar map and then added symbols. The roads outside of Boston were clear but there were large blank spaces labeled 'Ruins' and 'Swamp' and a big patch in the southwest labeled 'The Glowing Sea.' This was the best map available but it wasn't as much as I needed. That was a bid space. I turned on my Pip-boy's map function and we spent a long time comparing the two maps and adding the common caravan routes to my Pip-boy. Caravan routes are good to know; if you're on one when a monster takes you down someone might come along in time to rescue you.

Eventually Nick said, "I should be the one to go. I'm a synth; radiation doesn't bother me."

I shook my head. "You just risked your brain for me, I'm not letting you risk your life too. People here need you. This is too dangerous for—well, anyone, but I'm going to go. Just me."

I thought Nick would argue but he nodded. "Then you'll need a really good suit, better than anything you can buy in Diamond City. I wonder if Piper's new friends can help you."

"The Brotherhood is famous for hoarding tech and wearing power armor. Maybe they'd sell you some if you made friends. Not being a journalist might help." Piper grumbled.

I had another idea. Nate got a lot of military directives in the mail and I read a lot of it because I read everything in our house while stuck there on maternity leave. Some of the papers were still around including a map of checkpoints that active duty members were supposed to report to in event of an invasion. Sensible places to look for power armor. Somehow or other I'd find what I needed, and Sturges could cobble it together. But it would take time.

And it did, months before I visited the Glowing Sea. Lots of things happened during those months, mostly helping settlements and the Railroad, and I met the Brotherhood, and I counted every day as one more day of Shaun's life that I was missing.