Begin Recording

Where I Stand

Recording by Scribe Ellison

When the market got too rowdy my son still hadn't mentioned needing to go home so we climbed up to a spot in the stands—on the roof of Kellogg's house, actually—where someone had left some airplane seats. Nat said it was a makeout spot but she was still at the stage of spying on people making out rather than making out herself. There was nobody up here but a single guard, wearing sunglasses so it was probably Deacon but he was staying out of earshot. I leaned forward and folded my arms on the rusty metal safety rail and watched the market below. Diamond City after dark isn't Goodneighbor after dark, but there are lights and there's usually someone in high enough spirits to dance to the radio.

"Is this the best face of the Commonwealth?" My son asked. He didn't lean on the rail, he was sitting like he was trying to touch the chair as little as possible.

"I think so." I said. It was the best I could offer.

"This city may have some superficial charm but it's dying, you know. Every person down there is damaged by radiation. Shortened lifespan, low birthrate… in a few generations this city will be empty."

I sighed, failure not really a surprise. So there was no heat in my voice when I said, "They're alive now. What happens in a few generations doesn't matter to them."

"Their lives now are miserable, and would serve a better purpose creating a bright future for those who have one. It's that future I hoped to talk to you about."

This had the sound of a planned speech. I turned to look at my son. "Hmm?"

"The Institute is on the verge of becoming truly self-sufficient. An upgrade to the reactor, Allie and the facilities division is handling it, but would like your help in locating some of the necessary components. The Institute will no longer be in danger of power failures. But there are other threats to our security and I would very much like to deal with them before I… no longer can."

I knew it was coming. I waited.

"The Railroad has been bold lately. Many of our surface assets are disappearing and even Ayo's coursers haven't been able to find them. The Railroad poses a threat that must be neutralized."

I just sighed. I'd been braced for it for weeks. "You want me to wipe out the Railroad."

"I wouldn't ask you to do it yourself; we have coursers for that. We just need a location for the local leadership. I know it's a difficult thing to ask, but those few deaths will cut out the heart of the organization so any other agents will no longer be a threat."

"I won't." I said into the night air. "And I can't. The Railroad leader asked me to destroy the Institute, and when I wouldn't do it they moved headquarters and lay down strict orders about how any members could meet with me. Des- they were afraid you'd have me tortured."

"They told you to attack the Institute?"

I waited for the no-I-wouldn't-have-you-tortured but I don't think that registered. That got a tired chuckle out of me. "You and the boss of the Railroad have something in common. Everybody wants to get their self-defense in first and wants me to handle it. But I'm not going to kill you, or Allie or Rosalind, and especially not Quentin and the twins and the boy synth. Even Doctor Holdren. You're people and some of you have done awful things but you can learn better. Your Institute could do so much good for the Commonwealth, I won't be part of throwing that away. And I won't kill the Railroad because they're people, and they're helping a group that nobody else will help. They're making sure synths don't have to be a danger to themselves and others."

The words felt so good but my son just smiled patiently. "You really think you can save the Commonwealth."

"No, I just… I don't want to take one more step towards dooming it. And I think it wouldn't need saving if all you idiots would quit trying to murder each other and just talk! If one of you would just try..."

In the end I was begging, the last thing anyone can do. But Shaun just watched the city below and didn't say anything. The silence between us went from tense to comfortable after a while.

Eventually, at nearly midnight when even Diamond City quiets down I said, "We should probably call it a night. Everyone's going to worry if you stay topside too long."

Shaun chuckled a little. "For the first time ever. Will you come back down?"

"Nah, I have a bed at Piper's and she probably needs reassurance that no one's coming after her. No one is, right?"

"There has never been a proposal to eliminate Miss Wright, her family, or her paper. I would not approve one if it were brought up. We'd just be… proving her right." The pause had been an instant too long, there had been a thought there. But my son just continued, "This visit has been most instructive. Until next time, Mother."

And he vanished, without the light show that happened when I used the molecular relay.