Kyler moved around the kitchen slowly, hesitating as he put the dishes away, like he wasn't fully sure where everything was supposed to go. He hummed to himself, even as he tilted his head this way and that, inspecting each dish. Janus knew he wouldn't find anything on them; each one polished to perfection last night. He stood at the doorway, watching Kyler silently. Kyler has been here for a little over two weeks now. Janus no long jumped when he saw the massive shadow in the hall at night. He and Kyler didn't interact much, except briefly at dinner. Janus tried to not miss the feeling of having another person in his bed, in his arms. But it was hard; when something funny would happen, and Janus would look to Virgil's seat, only to find it empty. Who was he supposed to share inside jokes with, if he was back on the outside?

A plate slipped out of Kyler's hand, falling for just a moment before landing safely in a second, awaiting hand. Kyler blinked down in surprise, like he wasn't expecting the drop or recover.

Janus spoke, "Nice catch."

Kyler dropped the dish. The shatter made him flinch as he looked over to Janus. Kyler seemed flustered, glancing between him and the broken glass at his feet.

"Janus!" Kyler shuffled, kicking some of the glass, "I- uh-"

"Don't move." Janus pushed off the wall and was across the room in quick strides. He kept his gaze on the glass on the ground. Kyler mumbled something as Janus knelt in front of him. He picked the large prices up quickly.

"I'm sorry, I-" Janus could hear the undertones of concern - Anxiety- in his voice.

"Don't be, lo- uh, Ky." Janus tried to smoothe over his fumble. He grabbed a broom out of their pantry and returned to Kyler. He cleaned up the rest of the glass and said, "I should apologize, I startled you."

"It's alright, I'm just, um, distracted." Kyler said, relaxing as the danger of broken glass was gone.

"You don't have to unload the dishes." Janus said, "I'll do them while y'all're at work."

Kyler laughed. An adorable giggle that made Janus' chest warm. Kyler's eyes crinkled as he smiled.

"What?" Janus breathed. He wished he was talking to Virgil instead of Kyler. He wanted to hold his hand, to hug, to touch in ways he simply couldn't with the Fusion.

Kyler shook his head a little, still giggling. "Nothing. It's just, it's cute when your accent comes out."

Cute? Jan could feel it in his chest; the need to fill up Kyler's space. It made him feel a little breathless. His fingers twitched at his sides.

"Can I take you on a date?" Janus asked without thinking. He felt his eyes widen as Kyler's cheeks grew dark pink.

"I- uh-" Kyler's hands danced along his chin, like he wanted to hide his face but couldn't.

Janus felt his heart twist. Fuck, he's cute. Janus closed his eyes and tried to reel in his desperate feelings. He had enough heartache at the moment. No need to drag Empathy into his mess.

He said smoothly, offering Kyler his most non-threatening smile, "I just mean, of course, before you … came around, Virgil had mentioned that he liked haunted houses and there was one not too far from here, and-"

"Oh." Kyler had his hands over his mouth now. Kyler glanced away with a wince. When he spoke next, Janus could feel his heart slipping lower with each word, "I am so sorry Janus, but I really don't think that would be a good environment for me."

Maybe if Janus pressed his teeth together hard enough they would shatter inside his mouth. He didn't know how that would help anything, but it felt like a more obtainable goal than getting out of this with his dignity intact. Kyler was looking at him with so much pity it made him sick. Janus hated himself for starting this conversation, for having hope that Kyler would be any different than all the others.

"Right, obviously, with all the fake blood and-" He saw Kyler's quick grimace, "other things. It doesn't matter-"

"Maybe at a different place-?"

"If by chance you're able to unfuse before-"

Janus felt his brain catch up with his ears. He looked up to see Kyler's bashful expression turn sour.

"I'm sorry I can't unfuse like the others." Kyler said, looking away. He hunched down, curling around the second pair of arms that protected his middle. His next words were dripping with emotion, "I don't know what's wrong with me."

Janus blinked, unsure what to do. He wanted to hold Kyler how he would Virgil. But he wasn't Virge, and Janus didn't have that kind of honor. His mind provided him with endless lies that might make Kyler feel better, but his throat closed up before his tongue could get the message.

"Uh-"

"Oh, gosh," Kyler rubbed his eyes. Janus found himself staring into the third, seeing his own helplessness reflected back in it. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get emotional, haha…"

"Kyler." Janus stepped forward, crossing the invisible line in the kitchen tile. The air felt thicker over here, closer to the Fusion. He gently took one of Kyler's hands, lowering it away from his face. Janus looked down at his fingers, clasped in Kyler's. Why did he think the Fusion's hands would be much bigger than his own? Sure, they were larger than Janus', but not to the extent that he imagined. Janus rolled his shoulders, skin feeling itchy. He dropped the thought and Kyler's hand. Janus licked his lips, "Are you okay?"

Kyler shook his head, "No, don't get worried! I'm okay! I just had a couple nightmares!"

Janus felt concern spike in his chest. For Virgil, obviously. He had gotten used to being able to soothe him, to guard him, at night. And the idea that even a new version of him was in distress made something in Janus squirm.

"Nightmares? About what?" He asked.

Kyler thought for a second, glancing away, then he said, "I don't remember, but that's alright! That means it's not important, right?"

"Sure…" Janus watched Kyler carefully. "Do you get nightmares a lot?"

"Well, all of my dreams are intense, even if they aren't scary…" Kyler rubbed his arms and glanced away. Janus wanted to reach out, something deep inside him whispered 'closer, get closer'. Janus remained rooted in spot. Kyler shrugged and said, "It doesn't matter. I'll get used to the sleep schedule. I've just had a lot on my mind."

Janus debated if his assistance would be appreciated. He could verbally support him. Talk him through his emotions. He could be useful. Would that be enough to deem him worthy of- of what? Attention? Who was he, Roman?

Janus stepped away, shoving his hands in his pockets. "I get it. Maybe Logic can pick up some melatonin or something for you."

The whispering grew louder, angrier. Janus bit the inside of his cheek to keep it at bay. 'Closer! Closer!'

"Logic's part of the problem, I think. Something's upsetting him." Kyler said, more to himself than to Janus. Kyler chewed his lip as he added quietly, "Something's upsetting all of you."

Janus scoffed, waving him off. "Nah, we've just got our own things to worry about. You know, Logic always has a thousand essays to write. And Roman-" He forced a smile through his pain, "Roman's lost in his own little world."

Kyker hesitated, "So… nothings wrong?"

"Of course not! It's all in your head." Janus felt a tinge of guilt at the lie. Which was weird. He didn't usually feel bad about lying. But the sensation disappeared once Kyler's shoulders relaxed. Janus realized with a start that he was willing to say anything to make the Fusion feel better. Because he was still Virgil. And he didn't want to hurt Virgil. That was it.

"I guess so." Kyler mumbled. He turned to Janus quickly, asking in a tone that sounded far too much like Patton's worried cadence, "But you'd let me know if something was bothering you, right?"

"Right," Janus said as he felt his throat getting tight. "Of course."

"Great." Kyler let out a gentle sigh of relief. "I just feel weird when people around me are upset."

Ah yes. Janus thought. The concern is for yourself, not for me. How foolish of me.

The smile he gave Kyler was tight. He said as smoothly as he could, "We'll try to keep up morale for you."

Interestingly, Kyler's cheeks turned pink. He softly said, "Thanks." Then added awkwardly, "And I'm really sorry about, you know, not being able to go on your date."

He scratched his neck, then quickly dropped his hand when Janus got stuck staring at the exposed skin. The hickies had mostly faded, but that didn't make his neck any less pretty. Janus tore his gaze away as Kyler continued, softer, "I know you really wanted to do that."

Janus brushed him off, saying. "Nah. It's nothing. There will be other dates."

He hoped. He hoped very badly. Virgil would come back and still want to be around him, right? He wouldn't toss Janus aside too, right? Janus wanted to trust him, but after Roman's 180, he wasn't sure he could trust anyone. Well, except for Logic, but he was always busy, so that barely counted.

Janus could feel his emotions building in his chest. Suddenly, Kyler was the last person he wanted to be around. Janus backed up quickly, trying to make his escape as natural as possible.

"Jan…?" Kyler gave him an odd look.

Janus ducked his head and said with a fake grin, "Later, dearest, I simply must get going."

After all, he had a very busy schedule of avoiding his thoughts. Janus disappeared around the corner, not really caring where his feet took him.

He tried to ignore the twist in his chest at Kyler's uncertain call of, "Be careful!"

Janus didn't really notice his surroundings until he heard a bell ding above his head as he entered a shop. He glanced around at the dark lighting and the artwork along the walls. But he wasn't interested in any pretty pictures today.

"How many piercings can I get?" He asked as he approached the front desk.

"One, without your Logic around." The employee - what was their name - Elliot responded. Janus looked them up and down, not liking that response.

Janus said with a frown, "You need a Logic's permission for piercings?"

"No, you need your Logic's permission." Elliot said, a grin pulling at their lips. "I'm not getting yelled at by someone with that big of a vocabulary."

Janus wasn't in the mood to argue. "Fine. Can I get one piercing?"

Elliot shrugged and said, "Yeah, wha'd'ya want?"

Janus looked at the pricing board and thought for a moment. Then he nodded to the one that looked the most badass.

"That one." He said.

Elliot glanced at the display, then said, "You sure? It'll hurt for your first piercing."

"I've done my ears, and I'm not a baby." Janus said.

Elliot held up their hands and said, "Alright. Follow me."

Janus walked back to the piercing booth with Elliot and tried to hide his nerves. He wanted this, as impulsive as it was. He wanted something to distract him. As if physical pain could numb the emotional ache in his chest.

"Ok, this should be pretty quick." Elliot said as they fiddled with stuff on their desk. Janus sat down on the table, keeping his breathing even. "Just try to stay still during it."

Janus nodded, and Elliot turned around. He tried to not look at the needle-gun-thingy.

Elliot gave him a smirk and said, "Alright, ready? Stick out your tongue."

Janus squeezed his eyes shut, trying not to wince as Elliot made a new hole in his face. It hurt more than when he pierced his ears; but it wasn't the worst pain he had ever felt. That honor went to the stain on his reflection.

Something inside his chest untwisted at the pain. Before Janus knew it, Elliot was stepping away and giving him instructions on aftercare.

"Gargle warm water and salt four times a day," They were saying, putting their needle gun away. Janus' tongue throbbed, he winced whenever he moved it. "Avoid eating any spicy food."

"How long will it take to heal?" He asked, a slight lisp to his speech. He frowned at the tip of his nose, feeling the metal ball resting in the center of his tongue.

"Four to eight weeks." Elliot said, giving him a thumbs up. "Enjoy that."

"Thanks." He said, sounding too much like Daffy Duck for his liking.

Elliot glanced over at him, then around the room. They asked after a moment, "So, what's the problem?"

"Huh?" Janus blinked dumbly, still distracted by his tongue.

Elliot gestured to his mouth and raised an eyebrow, "People don't get tongue piercings for the fun of it."

"Uh." Janus tried to think. He couldn't figure out if Elliot was genuine or not. They stared at him with a blank expression, and Janus briefly got distracted counting their piercings.

Elliot casually said, "Look, I won't say anything if it's Virgil."

"It's everything." Janus said with a sigh. "It's just- everything right now feels so intense. Virge not being here isn't helping."

"Yeah, Spunk's all in a tizzy that he's gone. Now she finally knows what it's like - having your friend vanish and someone new take their spot."

Janus realized that Elliot was the one dating Vogue. Or, dating Spunk, who is spending more and more time as Vogue. He thought for a moment, then said, "Do you miss her when she's gone?"

The 'sh' in 'she' came out wrong, sounding more like 'when theeth gone'. Janus wanted the swelling part of the piercing to be over, so he didn't sound like a child with oversized braces.

"Fuck yeah," Elliot gave him a sad smile. "That's my whole thing."

Janus nodded slowly, remembering how they acted at the bar. Elliot was desperate to text their girlfriend. Janus wondered how someone so needy survived being with a semi-perma-Fusion.

"I think it's gonna get worse." Elliot said quietly, their easy demeanor dropping. They pushed a pen around the counter as they said, "They found the rest of their pod."

"Really?" Janus raised an eyebrow. He couldn't imagine what the group of Sides would look like Established. How would they pick a hair color?

Elliot nodded. "Some twins from Canada. Flew all the way to Florida when they found out Vogue would be at VidCon."

Janus shook his head, wondering if anyone would ever travel that far for him. "That's… amazing."

Elliot shrugged. "They haven't told me anything. I keep asking if they're going to get Established, and…"

"Do you not want them to fuse?" Janus tried to keep the bewilderment out of his voice, but he was certain he failed.

"I mean I do, but." They sighed. "But I'll miss Spunk a lot."

Janus shrugged, "I guess I get that."

He certainly was starting to. A Fusion was not the same as a Side. In so many ways. And the longer Empathy stayed around, the more Janus wanted Virgil back. He was used to Kyler's presence, but that didn't change the fact that Virgil was missing.

"You can chill here as long as you want." Elliot said, nodding to the empty waiting room. "I'm the only one here for the rest of the day."

"Thanks, but I should go." Janus said. "Good luck with your girlfriend thing."

"Good luck with your boyfriend thing." Elliot said back.

Janus gave them a little half smile. He said quietly, "Virge and I aren't really together."

Elliot let out a short laugh. "Seriously? With how he talks about you? I thought you two have been together this whole time."

"What?" Janus tried to push down the hope in his chest. "But he's with Patton…"

Elliot's face scrunched up as they thought. "No, he doesn't really talk about Patton. Or the other one. Just you and your Logic."

Janus could feel the heat in his cheeks. He turned away and sped to the front door, hoping Elliot didn't see his embarrassment. He said, "Well that's not surprising, Logic and myself must provide him with the most material to worry about."

"He doesn't sound worried." Elliot said, and Janus could hear the smirk in their voice.

"If any of my pod comes by, you didn't see me." Janus said, opening the door.

Elliot, still grinning, said, "For a fellow Negative? Sure."

Janus ducked out of the building without another word. He walked down the sidewalk, not really caring where he was going. His mind swirled with thoughts, things he wished he could say, and fears he wished he could douse. His tongue throbbed, but he was starting to like the ache. It provided him with something to focus on. Something that didn't leave his mind spiraling deeper and deeper into a mess, until he didn't even know what was a lie anymore.

Janus found a nice spot on some rocks next to a lake that was once a pond. Some recent rain has made the waters rise. Many of the rocks a few feet from Janus are in threat of sinking low into the fresh mud. Janus imagined the mud rising around him, sucking him down until he could no longer escape from the pressure. He scratched at his shoulder, watching the small waves.

Janus pulled the buzzing phone out of his pocket with equally buzzed hands. He stared at the screen for a long moment before he realized what was happening.

He laughed, taking another painful swig of his drink. The phone stopped buzzing. Then started again a moment later.

Janus giggled to himself, running a hand over his face. He slurred, "Aw, shit."

Logic was calling.