Warning: Sort of graphic description of injuries on two children caused by a werewolf's actions.

Happy New Year!

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"You know you can trust her, right?" James asked softly as he treated the burn on Sirius' side with Burn-Healing paste.

Sirius looked down at his hands. "I do."

"But?"

"She's an adult."

"Not all adults are the same."

"I'm beginning to learn that," the soft reply broke James' heart as even though it was a good sign the other was finally beginning to learn that he could actually trust some of them, it was still a reminder that he had to learn some weren't trustworthy in the first place. "And I do trust her, but…."

It seemed to pain him to not be able to explain himself, but James thought he understood what he meant either way.

"All right."

"It is?" Soft grey eyes looked up to him.

"Yeah, only you get to decide who you are comfortable with trusting like that."

Closing the Burn-Healing Paste, he tossed it onto the night-stand and knelt down before his brother, taking his hands in his own. "But then with me it was never really a question of trust, was it?"

It was something that had occupied his mind many a night since first seeing those scars and small interactions he'd had with Sirius suddenly coming into a new light.

"No," Sirius confirmed softly. "I never wanted to keep secrets from you, but I was so scared that they would harm you if you found out...part of me still is even though I now know….."

"I know, but I made a vow that I will never willingly break. I gave you my word on that and so did Remus and Peter. So they will never know that we're aware and we're perfectly safe, all right?"

"Yeah….." the grip on his hands tightened as Sirius shrank into himself a little. "I...I never intended for either of them to ever find out even if I'd hoped I would one day find the courage to stop hiding from you."

The whispered words made his heart clench, sadness washing over him as he knew Sirius had been forced to reveal his scars to them without truly being able to consent to it as the wounds had just been too badly infected to treat himself.

He had forced his hand in his desperation to help him and although his brother clearly didn't blame him for it and he himself was relieved the other two knew as well, he knew it had to be difficult to accept.

"You don't have to tell or show anyone until you are ready and comfortable enough to do so," he repeated as he took Sirius' face in his hands and brushed a thumb over his cheek. "Only you get to decide that, I will never force you to reveal it to anyone else ever again."

"I'm glad you did," watery grey eyes looked up to him and a single tear escaped that he gently brushed away. "I'm glad they know because I do trust them."

"Good, because you have nothing to be ashamed of," he told him sternly. "These scars? The only thing they show is how incredibly strong and amazing you are and what sick psychos the Blacks are. Nothing more, nothing less."

More tears appeared in his brother's eyes, so James pulled him from the chair and into his lap, hugging him close as Sirius curled into him.

They stayed like that for a long moment until Sirius hesitantly pulled back and looked up to him. "I think….I'm ready to tell you why I can see Thestrals."

"You don't have to."

"I think that perhaps I need to...I want to, so you can understand," fleetingly, Sirius looked at him, biting his lip and hesitating.

"You don't have to," even though he was dying of curiosity he could plainly see his brother wasn't entirely ready yet even though he claimed to be.

"I…...I'm meeting with Garth on Monday," though the subject change came as a bit of a shock, he went with it.

"I know, what about him?" He had every intention of joining his brother for that meeting, but Sirius didn't need to know that yet or he'd feel obligated to warn the older man and he couldn't risk him cancelling.

Although Tiffy had assured him the man was a good person and would never harm Sirius, he needed to see him with his own eyes to make sure. But for Sirius to agree to take him along without Garth being alerted beforehand of a change of plan, it had to look like a spur of the moment thing so Sirius wouldn't have to lie to the man he considered a friend.

"You know he is a werewolf, just like Remus is."

"Yeah?"

"But you don't care, because you just know werewolves aren't all bad," biting his lip, Sirius looked down at his hands again, picking at his trousers as he tried to gather his thoughts. "How did you know? Was it just because of Remus that you knew they couldn't all be bad?"

"Honestly?" Running a hand through his hair, he took a moment to think. "I think Remus truly cemented it for me that I was right, but growing up every time someone even mentioned the word werewolf everyone else was immediately judgemental. Like just because one werewolf was evil, then they clearly all had to be."

Wetting his lips, he sighed. "But people said the same thing about Mum behind her back, simply because she carried the Black name and thus had to be a dark witch. But we both know Mum's really kind and sweet and not at all like the other Blacks."

"They judged her for where she came from, not for who she was," Sirius acknowledged, more than familiar with that particular brand of discrimination himself. "So you realised that just because someone said every single one of them was bad, it didn't mean it was true."

"Pretty much yes. And then I met Remus and I knew for certain they were wrong because Remus is a pushover and generally likeable guy," narrowing his eyes, he looked at Sirius. "Why did you ask?"

"I didn't know until I actually saw one transform."

"Remus?"

"No," Sirius wasn't looking at him as he took a deep breath, instead staring at the wall behind him and James' stomach plummeted as he realised that this actually had to do with the reason he could see Thestrals and that whatever had happened, it hadn't been good as it had left a deep scar in him.

So changing position so he was seated beside him, he wrapped an arm around his shoulder. "What happened?"

"They killed a House-elf in my grandfather's service."

"What? Why?"

"They'd locked me in the hidden room behind the study for a few hours and I was scared so I made the mistake of crying. After they'd disciplined me for that I was tossed into my bedroom and Tuffy came to me to keep me company. But where normally they'd leave me be after locking me in my bedroom, now they came back and found Tuffy there."

"And they killed him for it."

"After they tortured him and I can still hear his little screams. Well, until they ordered him to shut up and then he couldn't even do that any more. He was in so much pain and couldn't even get any relief from it by screaming and I tried to stop them but they just kept going until they killed him," he swallowed thickly and tears gathered in his eyes so James tightened his hold, fighting to keep his own tears at bay at the terrible story.

"It was the first time I ever tried to run and the last, but I did. Everything hurt and I remember being dizzy and having no idea where to go, but I ran," Sirius' breathing hitched. "I just kept running and running until I tripped over something and went down."

"What happened then?"

"An old man found me; a beggar on the streets, though I didn't know it at the time, nor do I know how he won my trust to get me to come near the fire but he did. And he gave me something warm to drink before treating my wounds and trying to keep me warm with his own shirt."

Swallowing the lump in his throat back, James whispered. "A good man."

"Yeah. But then they tracked me down and knocked him out and dragged him along with me. But we didn't go back to Grimmauld Place."

"Where did they take you?"

"The house of an acquaintance. They tossed the man in the cellar and punished me for running away before locking me into a small cage in the same cellar. We stayed there for two days and it honestly wasn't so bad at all, though the man became more frantic as time passed but wouldn't say why."

Taking a deep breath, Sirius swallowed. "On the evening of the third day they dragged a Muggle couple with their two children, who were both around my own age, maybe a little older, into the cellar and locked them in with us, laughing all the while and saying I would now see how truly pathetic those below us were."

Clenching his teeth at Sirius' obvious distress and what he was hearing, he wrapped his other arm around him as well, fully pulling him against him as his brother cried; clearly remembering what had happened as if it had been only yesterday.

"Why did they lock the Muggles in with you both?"

"Because it was the night of the full moon."

"No," James' heart stopped as he suddenly put the pieces together of what the other was trying to tell him and everything made sense. The reason he could see the Thestrals, the question about werewolves and why he was so distressed even after all these years.

"They made you watch as….."

"He begged them to let the Muggles and me go, he pleaded and begged and when that didn't work tried to claw his own throat out before he could change. But although he tore at his own throat in a desperate attempt at suicide, he transformed before he could tear his throat open far enough."

"Killing them before your eyes," he didn't even bother trying to stop his own tears from falling as he held his brother tight, wishing with everything he had that he could take these memories away from him; could spare him from the horrors he had seen while also desperate to make those bastards pay for what they'd done.

"I can still hear their screams even more clearly than Tuffy's and when the wolf got bored with them he turned to me," Sirius continued and although James wanted him to stop, didn't want him to have to relive any of this he knew Sirius needed to tell it; needed to let it out.

"The cage….it was enchanted?"

"He could see and smell me, but no matter how much he attacked, he couldn't reach me. It was their way of teaching me what disgusting monsters werewolves truly were according to them," Sirius' took a shaky breath, brushing his tears away as he wrapped his own hand around James' arm as if to keep him at his side, like James would ever want to be anywhere else.

"When it was over and he turned back he wept hysterically for what he'd done, lifting those little bodies up and cried, repeating 'what have I done, what have I done' over and over again. As if he had been the one to lock those people in there with him. As if he had wanted to hurt them when he was just as much a victim as they were."

Closing his eyes at Sirius' words, James took a shaky breath himself, realising that despite having seen the madness of the wolf first-hand, having been submitted to it for hours; he had seen the man was not to blame.

"What happened to him?"

"They returned with their acquaintance and after taunting him for his supposed deed the guy killed him. I think that although they meant it as a further punishment, it was a kindness for himself," because it meant he didn't have to live with what he'd been made to do for very long.

"They then turned to me and told me that if I ever dared to run again, if I ever dared to tell anyone about the punishments then the same thing that had happened to those pathetic and worthless Muggles, would also happen to that person."

His stomach roiled and he had to fight the bile rising in his throat down at the knowledge of just where Sirius' fear of people finding out had came from. And no wonder he was absolutely terrified of anyone ever finding out if he'd experienced that.

"How old were you?"

"I'd just turned four a few days before that."

"Four?….You….oh Merlin," and he'd already understood the man hadn't been in control of the wolf and realised werewolves didn't necessarily have to be bad when they weren't transformed.

Only now did he understand the depth of fear Sirius must have felt every day, knowing what might happen if they ever found out and he understood on a whole new level just why he had hidden it away so deeply.

"You know what's actually funny?" As if there was anything even remotely not heartbreaking about any of what he'd been told.

"No?"

"As they stood before my cage and kicked his dead body aside, they told me that is what would happen to all beasts when Voldemort came into power," he snorted. "And I realised just who the beasts truly were and it sure as hell hadn't been that poor man."

"You….." His breathing stocked at what Sirius was implying.

Reddened grey eyes met his own calmly. "It was in that moment that I realised just how sick they were. How wrong they were in their sick and twisted supremacist ideology, how disgusting they were."

"That's when you fully turned against their ideology? At the age of four and after you'd just witnessed a bloodbath?" Choking on a sob, he grabbed his brother and held him tight. "And you honestly don't believe you're the bravest and most amazing person ever? To realise that truth in that moment and after what had just happened?"

"I only found out how they knew he was a werewolf when the subject was covered in Grandfather's Heir lessons and I learned that the weird numbers on his chest had been the identification code branded into him by the Ministry. But that's how I knew werewolves aren't all bad and why I've always been able to see Thestrals," he softly said as if that had been the point of the entire devastating story; and to be fair, he did say he wanted to tell him why he could see Thestrals.

"Jeez Siri," he breathed out as he tightened his hold and his brother melted into him as he always did. "Thank you for telling me."

"I didn't just tell you because you wanted to know how I can see Thestrals. There was another point to my story," pulling back, Sirius looked up at him. "Because you were right."

"I was right? About what?"

"When you wanted to treat the wounds on my back a few months ago and I wouldn't let you because they'd kill you… you told me they can't kill you even if they wanted to. Because your deaths would be noticed as suspicious."

"Because we're not active in the war yet, I remember. But what was I right about?"

"You are the Heir of a Noble House, you are not a Muggle or unknown person and they can't just kill you and get away with it without risk."

"I….."

"Remus, Pete and Auntie Hope don't have that same protection and it doesn't change the fact that I am afraid for your safety, for the safety of anyone who finds out. But….." he swallowed thickly. "But there are some people who I do trust who have the same protection that you do. And should...if they find out, I wouldn't have to be that afraid for them."

Taking a sharp breath at what Sirius was trying to say, it was his turn to swallow the lump forming in his throat. "You wouldn't have to be, no. Especially as you know they would keep their mouths shut."

Nodding, Sirius fiddled with his long sleeves for a long moment before curling into him again and automatically he wrapped his arms around him and pulled him close again as his brother actively sought his security.

"I wouldn't have to be so afraid and therefore, it might not be a bad thing if they find out," his brother whispered as he curled further into him and James could only hold him tighter, wishing with all his heart that his brother found that courage and let them that deeply into their little circle.