Because I'm always one to give credit where credit is due when I can, I'd like to thank James Pinto for proposing the idea for this story via this following comment on a Beavis and Butthead Facebook fan page:

The only way Beavis gets Glennis is if Smart B&B show up and do a "what if" episode where he winds up with her and "breaks up" with Butthead. Then it shows them years later, Beavis is kinda successful and passes old Butthead like at the Maxi Mart. Beavis immediately recognized Butthead but Butthead doesn't. Beavis feels bad and gives him Nachos. When he returns to the car, Glennis asks him "Who was that?" he replies "Nobody, he just looked hungry" as they drive away he looks in the rear view and realized that he dodged a scoreless bullet.

James, if you ever see this. I'd like to think I did justice to your idea.

Happy reading for all else. Comments never fail to make my day.

HumanDictionary

Earth.

A spherical terrarium for roughly 7 billion or so people rotating amidst other rocks within the celestial body known colloquially by the natives as the "Milky Way".

The full scope of this planet's majesty was not lost on one particular alien as the spaceship occupied by him and his partner hovered within its general vicinity. Yet, for this extraterrestrial, the only two inhabitants that mattered were a pair of phenomenally idiotic and cruel versions of themselves; their representatives in that specific corner of the multiverse.

"Uh…Something on your mind there Smart Beavis?"

With a startled squawk, Smart Bevis turns around and falls to the ground upon the entrance of his compadre. The later of the two looked on the screen his partner's mission log. The image it bore was that of a two pompadoured adolescent boys sitting on a couch; the blonde one on the right had a furrowed brow, pointed nose, almond-shaped eyes and a jutting jaw which glued his face into a malicious grin as well while the brunette on the left had beady eyes and overbite.

"Smart Butt-Head!"

"Arise, dumbass."

As Smart Beavis dusts off his cape and polishes his prized possession (a gold medal bearing the inscription "I Scored!" obtained after his time with Governor Serena Ryan) Smart Butt-Head darts his eyes between Earth and the report his friend was glancing over.

"You've been increasingly introspective since Lady Beavis commended you." Smart Butt-Head began. "Particularly in regards to the tidings of our occupants on Earth."

"You speak correctly." Smart Beavis replied. "It's this report that arouses vexation."

"Huh-huh. You said 'Arouses.'"

"Yes. Heh, heh. Quite droll. As I was saying, in this realm sometime in the tenth grade, a rather reserved girl with blue hair named Glynnis found herself stricken with Beavis during one of his fits as The Great Cornholio. Despite leaving him a note which made all too clear her feelings, he has misinterpreted it as a warning that an incoming ass-kicking awaited him (mostly due to the cruel stupidity of Butt-Head). Worsening the situation all the more was Beavis' declaration of love…for fire; an act which prompted Glynnis to burn the schools' Honors tent."

"Uh, so what are we to do about it?" Smart Butt-Head inquired.

"That's what frustrates me." Smart Beavis replies. "On the one hand, there appears to be a fascinating pattern of disregard for Beavis' wellbeing on Butt-Head's part that makes itself manifest when the reports are read congruently. One that calls into question the very nature of their alliance. It makes one wonder whether their friendship should continue in this universe at all."

"The problem is what precedent this sets for the rest of the Beavis's and Butt-Heads." Smart Beavis continues. "There are millions and millions of alternate universes, who is to say that seeing what happens in onewill spill over into them all?"

"You raise a good point." Smart Butt-Head replied while sparing a chuckle over the choice of his words. "Nonetheless, I too have been observing these reports from Earth and share in your frustrations in this matter. In that spirit, I drafted a request years ago to present before our Empress and Emperor with the aim of terminating the friendship between the 90's Earth universe Beavis and Butthead should events transpire that cross the line."

Smart Beavis gives a sad grunt and returns to his pensive vigil of the planet Earth.

"So the only question left is when."

"That it is, Smart Beavis. That it is."