Chapter 13: Breaking Point

TW: There is fairly graphic violence, and reference to sexual abuse. Please please read with caution as always.

Roy rubbed at his eyes as he paced through the office, papers and pictures sprawled out across the table.

He had briefed the team a week ago, but between spontaneous emergency calls and the sheer amount to look through, they'd had to pause going over any of the physical files regarding the recent string of murders.

The briefing had been long and exhausting, and now going through all of the paper material they had was taking forever. Roy of course had sifted through the material at least five times on his own that week, but Fullmetal and the rest of the team hadn't had that same chance.

Instead, the group of them were just now seeing most of it and were working together to pull any connections needed. It was…endearing in a way, Mustang thought. However, it was also time consuming.

Roy didn't want to interrupt, but he also wanted to get out to the site at least once before the weekend as rain was on its way. The ground was dry now, but the dark clouds above did little to ease his concern.

Though, the concern of rain was a mere pebble in comparison to the boulder that weighed over him each time his eyes fell upon the youngest alchemist of the group.

Ed had shown up on time, as he had every day this week, but he somehow seemed even more exhausted each time he came in. His hands were shaky as he grabbed photos to study, and his voice waivered whenever he spoke up to share a thought. Gone was the loud, confident child that had no qualms about interrupting someone when something clicked for him.

Now, he was quiet, reserved, and timid. He waited to speak up, and even then, he had a hard time getting his voice to be loud enough for others to hear what he was saying. He sounded awfully raspy, but Ed had insisted it he was fine every time Roy asked.

Months ago, Roy would have been willing to pay money to get Fullmetal to act like this for a day.

Now… he'd shell out his entire savings account just to get him back to the way he was.

Him and Riza had looked into it, hell they'd poured into it. Unfortunately, Hohenheim was an upstanding citizen on paper and there wasn't anything in accounted records that could allow them to bring him in, even just to ask questions. They could try and get a warrant for the house, but it likely wouldn't go through as they didn't have probable cause.

It frustrated Roy to no end, and Riza had to remind him several times that they weren't allowed to just "barge in there and kick his ass" …as much as Roy wanted to.

It made Roy's skin crawl, because he knew Ed was in a dangerous situation, and he could do little to nothing about it.

Unless Ed confided in them and told them what was going on, or a neighbor reported something, their hands were tied. They knew it was some sort of an abusive situation, but they didn't know the specifics and didn't have any idea how bad it really was.

Ed seemed to have lost a lot of weight, Riza had pointed out a few days ago. Roy had a harder time seeing it, between the baggy red coat the blonde wore and the way he carried himself. However, he definitely just…wasn't the same.

It hurt to watch Ed continue to live through whatever was going on, but just as he was scared to tell them anything, they were scared to confront him about it again. All they could do was insist everyone take lunch breaks together and continue to make sure he felt comfortable and welcomed into the team.

Another hour or ruffling through files went by, and Roy's anxiety only worsened the longer he sat trying to pick apart the blonde. Every so often Ed would catch his gaze, and every time it sent chills through Mustang's body. He was so hollow, so empty.

He looked like the broken child in the wheelchair all those years ago.

That thought echoed through Mustang's mind and he took a shaky breath.

"I know there's still a lot to get through, but let's head out to the site before it rains," Roy stated. Everyone seemed to be in agreement, and within the hour the team was on their way to the location where the most recent murder had taken place.

Mustang put Edward in his vehicle along with Hawkeye and Havoc, while the rest of the team rode in another one. Even though Riza ended up driving, Mustang still caught himself glancing at the rearview mirror more often than not, checking in on Ed who sat in the back.

Havoc had tried to make conversation, which Ed politely responded to, but it was short and to the point. Now, Ed was staring out the window, seemingly lost in thought as they drove through the streets.

Ed's body ached. The last week had been anything but kind to him, and Hohenheim seemed to use any excuse possible to lay into Ed and hurt him. Paranoid about getting sick again, Ed had essentially refused all food Hohenheim offered to him. That is, unless he was able to be in the kitchen at the same time it was prepared, so he could watch and double check. He'd managed to split up the half of the sandwich he had left, but it only lasted two meals before it was gone.

Sometimes he thought he was overthinking, that his response was an exaggeration, but his paranoia convinced him otherwise. Better to avoid eating and feel the hollow growl of hunger, than to eat and be sick for days because of it.

He'd certainly lost weight, and Hawkeye's stern but caring gaze made it obvious that she was aware of this, but Ed did his best to shrug it off. He knew she wasn't going to say anything, and he knew the rest of the team hadn't picked up on it. Besides, he was still able to eat with the team when they had lunch, and he considered that to be just enough for him to get by.

No need to stress over it when there were much more pressing things requiring Ed's time and energy.

Ed was exhausted, and the intrusive thoughts that had popped into his brain earlier in the week seemed to only make themselves more at home. It was getting harder and harder to push them away and convince himself that he was living for something important, that he had a purpose and that pushing through all the shit that life was giving him was worth it.

With Hohenheim making his life a living hell and having to manage this tough case Mustang had put him on, Ed was toeing an edge he never had seen himself approaching. He knew it was getting to the point where it could be dangerous, but he didn't have the energy or desire to bring it up to anyone.

He knew the moment he mentioned what he was thinking that Mustang, Hawkeye, or even Roger, they would have him shipped off to some hospital where he'd be locked up and consuming their precious resources. Resources others deserved and needed more than he ever would.

Not to mention how furious Hohenheim would get, and how hurt Al would be.

That is, if they actually cared enough to send him there in the first place.

Ed shivered at the thought, and while he desperately tried to remain optimistic, his brain was trying it's best to convince him otherwise.

"I can turn the heat up if you're cold," Roy offered as he watched Ed shiver in the back seat.

Ed jerked his head to where Mustang was looking at him through the rearview mirror.

"Ah I'm ok," Ed said with a half-assed chuckle. "I just was thinking about the case," he muttered.

Roy didn't seem to buy the excuse in the slightest, but he didn't say anything, to which Edward was grateful. No need to cause a scene when they were on an important job.

The site they were driving to was the location of the third murder in the last month. All victims had been female, all had been bled out completely, all had been strung up and alive through the entire process. It was a gruesome and slow way to die, and the military had been called in quickly to prevent any more women from meeting their end this way.

They had a few leads, but none of them seemed to fit what they were looking for, and most of them had decent alibis. It was proving to be a tough case, though Ed wasn't putting as much effort in as he wished he could.

He knew he had only himself to blame for that, despite the fact that the growling stomach, achy muscles, and scabbed over back that took his focus were barely his fault.

Ed was grateful Al hadn't been up to his room lately. Between the scabs – and likely some scars – lining his back when he slept without a shirt, and the bloody spots on the sheets from when the wounds on his back were first opened, Al would immediately catch on.

Hohenheim certainly hadn't been gentle these last few days; Ed's aching back was only one of many testaments to that. Ed was starting to become more and more familiar with the harsh sting Hohenheim's belt left behind.

"We're here," Mustang mentioned as the car pulled to a stop in front of an old bakery. It had gone out of business years ago but was now abandoned as no one had purchased the old building. It still had the colorful paint job from the last owners, and there were a few dusty tables in one of the corners.

It was… unsettling to say the least. Ed always found bakeries to be charming, though he wouldn't dare set foot in one anymore or Hohenheim would have his head.

This building was far from charming, as blood stained the old, tiled floor and broken glass littered the front entrance. There clearly had been some sort of a struggle, and it wouldn't take a state alchemist to know what the outcome likely had been, considering the amount of blood present.

"Damn this place reeks," Havoc coughed as he brushed aside some of the broken glass to get a better look at the entryway.

"Just be careful and look for evidence," Roy muttered. "That way we don't have to stay long."

Ed and the rest of the team nodded to this, and all spread out to cover as much ground as possible as quickly as possible.

Ed ran his eyes over the various splatters that stained the once pearl-colored walls, trying his hardest to focus and be of use to the team. While everything seemed to be haphazardly strewn about, there was something peculiar about the place, though Ed couldn't quite place it.

"This place gives me chills," Havoc grumbled as he came up to where Ed was struggling to piece together why everything seemed off.

"You and me both," Ed muttered. There were barely any spots on the floor free of blood, and it was starting to make Ed sick.

It was getting to be too much, there was just too much.

Wait.

"Hey Havoc, there was only the one woman found here, right?" Ed asked, pacing around the room with newfound energy.

"Yep," Havoc said with a curt nod.

"Then why is there this much blood?" Ed asked. "I know all victims have been bled dry, but there wasn't nearly this much at the other sites. At least, not from what the pictures had shown."

Havoc paused what he was doing and started to look around.

"I think…I think you're right," Havoc's brows furrowed together as he took in everything. The wheels in both of their heads turning and trying to piece together why this would be.

"Besides," Ed's eyes followed a particular trail of blood that seemed to curve through the room. "This definitely doesn't look like a normal bloodstain to me."

Suddenly a few things clicked in place, and Ed's face paled as he ran into the back storage room where Mustang and the others were looking around.

"It's a transmutation circle!" Ed cried out as he made eye contact with Mustang, freezing in the doorway as he took notice of where they were standing.

Mustang's eyes widened and everyone froze, looking down at the blood that now so clearly was painted onto the floor in intentional - albeit messy - marks.

"You're a clever one ain't ya?" A raspy voice snarled from behind Ed and before he could move a long blade was pressed to his throat.

Roy shouted and everyone in the room tensed, weapons drawn out. A quick glance behind him showed Havoc crumpled to the floor, and Ed's heart nearly jumped into his throat.

"You're outnumbered," Roy snarled back, "Drop your weapon and step aside, and you won't get hurt."

The alchemist behind him laughed, and Ed winced as the unsteadiness brought the blade closer to his throat. A bead of blood slid down the cold steel as it nicked his skin.

"Roy Mustang," the man behind him sneered. "And you brought your whole team with you, how lovely." Ed could feel the stranger's breath on the back of his neck, and it took almost everything he had not to close his eyes to shut it out. The unknown presence behind him made him more uncomfortable than the blade to his throat did, if that was saying anything.

"That's Colonel Mustang to you," Roy growled.

"Not anymore!" The alchemist shouted, anger seeping into his voice. "I used to be one of you, part of the so-well-beloved State Alchemists, but my research wasn't considered credible enough."

Ed could see Mustang falter, and his eyes darted to Hawkeye who looked just as confused as he was. They didn't recognize this man, and they weren't sure what all had gone down to make him quite this angry.

The silence and confusion didn't go unnoticed by the stranger and Ed could feel him tremble with fury behind him.

"You don't even know me!?" He screeched. "Of course, not only did they kick me out and strip my funding, but they didn't even let anyone else know I exist!"

He paused, and brought the knife closer to Ed's skin, a few more trails of blood joining what was already dripping. Ed grit his teeth together, trying to stay still and not jostle the blade any more than his holder was.

"Then again, you can thank your superiors' lack of information for your being here today," he jeered, "Maybe your deaths will make them finally realize that my research had potential."

Roy slowly raised his gloved hand, fingers ready to snap together and set the man and this place ablaze. Ed figured the only reason he hadn't done so already, was because Ed was in the way.

As per usual, he noted with a twinge of guilt.

"Why women though?" Ed dared ask, "If you needed blood for your circle, why women's blood?"

Riza's wide eyes told Ed he should have kept quiet, but the alchemist behind him didn't seem to mind the question. If anything, he seemed thankful that someone took him seriously.

"Oh it didn't have to be women's blood," the man chuckled. "But nothing turns me on more than the screams of women, helpless to do anything. Besides, nothing wrong with a little bit of fun before I take what I need."

Ed paled, his stomach twisting with a sick fury. He wished he hadn't asked, and from the looks on everyone else's faces, they were wishing the same thing. Taking a deep breath, Ed quickly jerked his automail arm around so that it elbowed the man behind him in the ribs. His startled gasp was enough for Ed to jump forward away from the man's hold, though not without a decent gash on the side of his neck.

"You little brat," the man snapped. His face was covered with specks of dried blood, wide amber eyes staring back at him in a sick sort of craze.

Ed felt the heat before he heard the snap, and a whisp of flame shot past him towards the black-haired alchemist.

The alchemist jumped back just before it hit him, the glass from the front of the store shattering as the flames barreled past. His head whipped around at Mustang, whisps of black hair singed on the ends from how close it had gotten.

Before Mustang could snap again and send him into an inferno, the alchemist threw himself to the floor and slapped his hand against the dried blood. Red electricity sprung into the air as the circle was activated, and Mustang and the team immediately fell to their knees.

Their eyes were wide, and several of them screamed with agony as the electricity jolted through their bodies, rendering them immobile. The amber-eyed man laughed a wicked, cackling laugh.

"How does it feel to have your blood boil?" He screeched joyously. "I was hoping one of the alchemists that threw away my research and dismissed me to the streets would be here today, but your pain will just have to be the start of what's owed to me!"

Ed screamed as he barreled forwards, his non-automail knee landing a solid blow to the man's face sending him stumbling backwards. His hands left the circle… but the electricity continued to cackle.

"Why isn't it stopping?" Ed snarled at the sick individual in front of him, who only seemed to take joy in his frustration.

"It's all part of my research!" He screamed, "The blood itself is able to maintain the transmutation! At least, maintain it long enough for your friends to die."

Ed faltered as he glanced between the insane alchemist and his teammates writhing in agony. He needed to disrupt the circle then, but with the blood dried thickly onto the cement floor, it would be hard to rub a line enough to do any good. At least, before the alchemist tried to stop him.

But if he added to it?

Ed wondered if by adding his own blood to the circle, that it would cover the marks and disrupt the transmutation. Even if it was just enough to allow Mustang and the others to stumble out of the center, that would have to work.

It was a shame that he was so against killing, otherwise he could have used the other alchemist's blood as a test trial. Then again, if the blood didn't work, he'd need the man alive to hopefully be able to stop it.

But how much did it need?

Ed didn't have time to find out, as the crazed alchemist was lunging toward him, knife in hand. Ed jumped back but wasn't quick enough and the blade nicked his arm. Blood splattered to the floor, but it wasn't enough to stop the transmutation.

Edward clapped his hands together and formed a blade of his own out of his automail arm, gritting his teeth together. This was going to hurt, but hopefully it would be enough to help the others.

That's all that mattered, right? That the others got out safely and were ok?

After all, what did he have to return to? Hohenheim couldn't hurt Al if Ed died on the job. At least, he hoped that would be the case.

The two alchemists danced on the edge of the circle, swinging at each other. Ed made sure that for every slice he took out of the man, that the alchemist got a hit on him too. After all, the more blood the better.

Ed had accepted his fate, but his sacrifice would be of little use if it wasn't enough, and by then he would be too weak to get any from the other man.

Back and forth their blows struck each other, blood spattering against the cement as they parried along the dried trail. Ed noticed that the electricity was starting to falter, and in some places where a particularly deep wound was made, it stopped altogether.

Eventually the two of them had made it almost all the way around the room, and Ed noted with relief that Mustang and the others had made it to the edge of the circle and were crawling out of the array.

He was tired, and his body stung from the scrapes and wounds the other alchemist had inflicted. He could tell his opponent was also starting to slow down, and he limped severely from a large gash Ed had made on his calf.

Ed wasn't sure if it was from a loss of blood, or from his overall exhaustion and piss-poor physical state, but his head was starting to get fuzzy and more and more of his strikes were missing.

Ed yelped as the dark-haired alchemist landed a particularly solid blow against his chest, and in a panic he stumbled, falling backwards. He hit the cement hard, and his eyes widened as the alchemist leered above him.

Taking in one last breath, and mentally apologizing to the team, to Winry, and to Al, Ed closed his eyes and waited for the pain to finally stop.

That end didn't come, however, and Ed's eyes shot open as he heard the thud of the alchemist's body hitting the floor in front of him. Amber eyes were opened wide, staring into nothing as his face started to pale. His neck was bent in a weird angle, and a thin trail of blood dripped from his open mouth.

Mustang stood behind him, hands raised from where he had snapped the man's neck. He looked down at Edward, a blend of concern and fury on his face. Within a heartbeat Riza was crouched down beside him, her calloused but gentle hands pulling him from the ground so he could stand. Her arm wrapped around him, and with a careful step forward she helped Ed over to one of the dusty tables scattered about the bakery's main floor.

Ed all but crumpled into the chair, his breathing ragged from exhaustion and pain. Mustang and the others seemed to be in a similar situation, though the longer they were out of the circle the better they started to look. Exhausted, adrenaline fading, but alive and stable.

"What the hell were you thinking!?" Mustang shouted, hand coming down to slam on the table in front of him. It wobbled with the blow, and Ed couldn't help but flinch away from Mustang's raised voice.

"I was just-"

"You could have gotten killed, it's a miracle that you're still conscious considering how much blood you lost," Mustang yelled. Ed took a minute to take in his wounds and didn't think they were all that bad. Sure, some of them could use stitches, but he'd certainly dealt with worse before. His vision was a little speckled, but he also hadn't really had much to eat today, so he didn't consider it all that big of a deal.

His face must have given away his nonchalant attitude, because suddenly Mustang was kneeling in front of him, blazing eyes glaring into his.

"Fullmetal, what the fuck were you thinking?" He asked, his voice gravely serious.

"Roy," Riza rarely used Roy's first name out in the field, but as she placed a hand on Mustang's shoulder Ed could feel her concern from where he was sitting.

"No, no he can answer for himself," Roy snarled, head whipping back around to look at Ed.

"I just wanted to make sure you all got out safely," Ed muttered.

"And what, you were going to get yourself killed to do so?" Mustang snapped.

"It's just part of the job…" Ed trailed off. Mustang scoffed in answer, clearly Ed hadn't given him the answer he wanted to hear.

"No. Fighting, and getting hurt, and dying in combat are part of the job. Letting yourself get hit and giving up aren't." Mustang said sternly. Ed looked away, not wanting to meet Mustang's eyes.

"Fullmetal look at me," Mustang yelled. "I know life has been hell for you, but that's no excuse to fight without any regard for your life. You were careless-"

"I was saving you!" Ed shouted, angry. "You're berating and lecturing me but it worked, didn't it? I'm ok, and you're ok, and disrupting the circle worked."

"I don't care that it worked," Mustang snapped. "You were just going to throw your life away. The Edward that I know would have found another way to get the same result, without putting your life on the line!"

It was a stretch, Mustang admitted as soon as the words came out of his mouth. Fullmetal was always reckless, and sacrifice was something he was all too accustomed to. Ed had acted similarly before, but even then, it was as a last resort. It wasn't his first decision, and he didn't blatantly let himself get hurt.

"What life?"

Ed's voice cracked.

Mustang froze, everyone froze at the broken voice that came from the blonde child.

Ed had tried to stay angry, to stay strong, but he was done. Just…done. Everything hurt, and he wanted everything to go away and leave him alone. He was tired of fighting, tired of trying so hard and for nothing.

He'd hit his breaking point, he realized.

Nothing was going to change. Hohenheim would never let him live a normal life, and as long as he was alive Al was always in danger. He was never going to find a way to bring Al's body back, he was never going to be good enough for Mustang and the team, he was never going to be anything worthwhile.

"What life do I even have left?" Ed choked.

All the anger vanished from Mustang as the older man drew closer to Edward.

"Fullmetal-"

"You wouldn't understand," Ed sniffled, his body threatening to betray him as tears built up on the edges of his eyes.

"Then help me understand," Mustang spoke softly, as if talking to a frightened animal.

Ed paused for a minute, his eyes meeting Roy's and he saw the genuine concern and compassion behind them.

Could he tell him?

Could all of this finally be over?

Hohenheim's voice echoed in his head, and Ed frowned at the reminders.

"I…I can't," Ed replied solemnly. He could hear Hawkeye sigh, and he felt guilt bubble up in his stomach. They were clearly worried about him, though he didn't deserve their compassion.

"Edward, you can," Roy insisted. "We're here for you, we've always been here for you. Please Edward, what is going on?"

Ed had never heard Roy plead like this. It was an uncomfortable feeling, and Ed felt terrible for pushing Roy to this point. Here everyone was, exhausted, yet not a single one of them were tending to themselves.

The crime scene was still left as it was, the broken body of the deranged alchemist still laying untouched. Everyone was waiting for him, waiting to give him the support he desperately needed and craved.

How selfish he was being, Ed thought with a grimace. You don't deserve any of this.

He had to get away, he had to leave. Only after he left, would they be able to move past his selfishness and take care of themselves.

"I can't tell you…I'm sorry," Ed said, voice wavering. Mustang's mouth opened to say something, but Ed jolted from the chair and pushed past everyone, running out of the bakery.

He could hear Mustang's shouts and the clang of footsteps against concrete, but he kept running. His body screamed at him to slow down, to stop, but he knew if he stopped Mustang wouldn't let him get away a second time.

He needed to go home. He needed to make sure Al was ok, he needed to get back to take care of things.

He knew what his next steps were, he knew what he had to do.

He'd been too afraid before, hell he still was, but he knew this was the only option he had left. The only option that would help everyone around him, stop their suffering and worry and heartache.

Surely Hohenheim wouldn't complain, and him and Al could go on to live a better life without the constant reminder of everything Ed had taken from them.

This was his only choice.

He just hoped everyone would be able to forgive him.

A/N: Wow it's been a WHILE. Life really caught up to me, and I haven't had the time or energy to devote to this like I wanted. I graduate college this spring, and it's been a hell of a ride. I know it's been a while since I updated, and I apologize for taking so long to keep with this.

I do want to take a minute and thank all of you, I see your comments and STILL get comments on it even now. They're what's kept me going, kept me passionate about this story and these characters. I can't even begin to express how much all of your support means to me.

I've thought about making an author's note chapter to explain my unintentional hiatus, but I didn't want to be that author that gets you excited for a new chapter only for it to be an author's note (no shame to those that do this of course). I figured the silence would be better, and any notification to be an acutal chapter.

As I've said before, I AM committed to seeing this through to the end. I don't want to rush it, though, I want it to be consistent and I don't want to half-ass an ending just to end it, y'know? That being said I have no idea when I'll be able to get the next chapter out. I really really really hope it's soon, because I want to keep this energy going and I'm really excited to write the next parts. Hopefully it won't be too long, but if it is, know that another chapter WILL come and that I will give it my all.

Thank you as always, for supporting me, for your patience, and for...everything really.