I've Got You

A Clone Wars Fanfic

Authors note: Hello! Long time no see. So in the time I've been on a break from writing I have watched the entire Clone Wars series and wanted to write some stories for it. (I have had other stuff going on in life, I got married so life has been busy which is why there haven't been any stories updated. I don't spend all my time watching T.V) I will still be updating other stories, but I'm really excited for this one! Let me know if you like it!

"I got you!" I held out my hands and felt the force grab her. I felt myself take a relieved breath in. I didn't hear the gunshot…how did I not hear the gunshot…if I had paid attention I could have stopped that gun and saved her. Pain, a sharp pain in my arm...I don't feel her through the force anymore. No! No no no. I didn't want to look over the ledge, but I hoped I was wrong. I had hoped she would be where I left her in the force before that gun shot. I was naive. She was dead.

I can tell they hate me. Lux won't look at me the same. Her brother can't even look at me. I can't do this. I can't breathe. I feel the door close behind me as the ship starts to move. I feel numb. I can tell Master Kenobi and Anakin are proud of me. I don't deserve it. I don't deserve any praise in this situation. Sometimes I feel my master doesn't know me at all. He truthfully thinks I'm fine. Part of me is grateful for how strong he assumes I am. Another part of me wishes he would notice I'm not fine at all. The person I love hates me because I killed the person he was falling in love with.

"No!" That dream again. The same dream every night. I feel her in the force. Gunshot. Pain. Fear. Lux screams. People cry. She's dead.

Every night again.

Catch her. Pain. Death. Cries. Regret.

She didn't trust me. At the time I thought that was silly, but now I think she had a good reason. She is dead because of me after all.

"Ahsoka! Hey Ahsoka, it's just a dream!" What is that noise? I recognize that voice. No one should be in my room though. I've locked it every night since the nightmares started. I work on a ship with all men. I'm the only female and can't afford to lose my respect because of emotions. Absolutely not. Someone's shaking me. The dreams are fading. I see her fall but I don't look over.

"No!" I reach out as though this time I'll catch her. I'm coated in sweat. My heart's pounding. I'm breathing hard. I look up to see Anakin's concerned face inches from mine. Why is he on the cliff?

"You weren't there. Why are you here now? Couldn't you have helped me catch her!" I cried out not understanding what was going on.

"Woah Snips what are you talking about? We're on the ship. We're safe. I'm right here." He gives me that comforting smile that makes me feel like everything is okay even when it's not. I take in a shaky breath looking around. He's right. We're on the ship. I'm in my room.

"I-it was just a dream. Sorry I woke you up." I didn't know what to do. I couldn't tell him what was going on. He wouldn't get it. He's a hero. A prodigy. He hardly ever screws up and if he does he always makes it work seamlessly.

"Are you sure you're ok? I'm always here if you need to talk." I managed to look up despite my embarrassment at having him look after me like a mother would her child.

"I know, thanks, but I'm fine. Just a bad dream is all." I smile my most convincing smile. He must believe it because he is getting up and heading towards the door.

"Alright well I'm just down the hall if you need me. We still have a few hours till we need to be up. Count some sheep or something. Night!" I roll my eyes and chuckle at his corny joke. He can be such a dad sometimes. I cuddle further into my blankets hoping to find comfort in them. I take slow deep breaths knowing I won't go back to sleep if my heart rate stays the way it is.

I eventually close my eyes which feels nice. Even if sleep doesn't follow. Maybe Master is right? Maybe everything will be alright. Even as I think it my head tells me it's a lie.

When I open my eyes again I don't feel any more rested than the last time I was awake. It's definitely time to wake up if the sun is anything to go by. We must be landing. I quickly take a shower to rinse off all of that disgusting sweat before hurrying to get ready for the day. I honestly look forward to the daytime. Always stuff to do, plus it means not sleeping. No sleep means no nightmares. I will take that as long as possible.

As I leave my room I notice Rex is also just now leaving his.. "Hey Rex!" I walk up to join him.

"Hey Ahsoka, you look tired. Did you not sleep well?"

Ahsoka counted her lucky stars he must not have heard her last night then. Though it did slightly offend her that she must look pretty rough if that's the first thing he's pointing out about her. It's not very fair, Rex and all of the clones manage to look attractive no matter what the situation. Like even during battle! How unfair is that!

Ahsoka rolled her eyes trying to play it off. "Wow thanks Rex for pointing that out. I honestly didn't sleep well, but it's fine. I'll catch up tonight." Rex's smile faltered as he wondered if she was serious. She obviously noticed as she rolled her eyes saying "I'm joking Rex. Don't worry."

"You don't look bad you know? I didn't mean it like that. I just meant you're not your usual self. You're as pretty as ever." He rolled his eyes as he said it and walked a little ahead of her. This probably was due to her steps faltering and not him speeding up. Ahsoka felt like her world froze. Did he just say I was pretty? She felt her cheeks heating up and she tried so hard to make it less noticeable before matching his pace once again.

"Whatever you say Rex." She rolled her eyes intending to joke back with him. She swore she saw him frown for a second, but it was too quick for her to notice. "Want to get some breakfast before the meeting?" She asked to glide over whatever just happened with his face.

"You read my mind." With that the two of them headed towards the kitchen.

The rest of the day went without hitch. Not unusual for a day in space. It wouldn't be until they hit land that trouble would start. It always did with Anakin. Not that Asohka minded that. She actually found it pretty entertaining when they got in trouble.

"You can't save anyone" Ashoka felt her body tense up. A flash of Lux's hatred filled eyes….had he actually said that? She couldn't tell if it was a dream or a memory. He wasn't wrong. Dream Lux or real Lux…she couldn't save anyone when it mattered. She had lost count of all the people she had lost in missions. She shouldn't even be called a Jedi, she didn't deserve it.

"Ahsoka?" What was going on? Who was saying her name? She felt her cheeks and montreals heat up in embarrassment to see Rex and Anakin both looking at her concerned…she had clearly zoned out during a meeting. How embarrassing.

"Yes Master?" She tried her best to make her face blank. Anakin and Rex both knew her well. She couldn't have them worrying about her.

"Are you alright? You've never zoned out during a debriefing,"

"I'm sorry Master. I just got distracted. It will not happen again." She could tell Anakin was unsure. That he didn't really believe her answers.

"As long as you're alright."

"I am. I promise." Ahsoka made sure to stay laser focussed through the rest of the debriefing. Ignoring the looks that Rex kept throwing her every few minutes. Clearly wanting her to tell him afterwords why she hadn't been focussed. That wasn't going to happen. She was the only girl on the ship and would not have them think she's weak. Not to mention the last thing she wanted to do was tell her crush that her nightmares were making her paranoid. Not a fun conversion.

She rushed off from the meeting as soon as it was over. She had a lot to do and couldn't afford distractions before this mission. There would be a lot happening and she didn't want to be underprepared. "Not so fast." She jumped slightly seeing Rex in front of her. She covered it up quickly trying to not to let him see that he had startled her. Jedi weren't supposed to get startled. "What's wrong with you? Why are you in such a rush. We don't land for six hours. There's plenty of time to get everything done." He smiled at her clearly trying to make her feel better.

"There's just a lot to do and I can't relax until it's done. I thought you of all people would be happy I'm preparing." Rex looked confused, but the smile didn't leave his face.

"I would be if it weren't for the fact that you are never overly prepared and you my friend are one of the largest procrastinators I've ever met." His eyes glittered showing her he was joking. She rolled her eyes stepping around him to keep walking. She could hear his footsteps match hers. The conversation clearly wasn't over for Rex.

"Is there something else?"

"Yeah actually….what happened to you during the meeting?" She tried to keep the scowl off her face. Did he really not know she didn't want to talk about it.

"Does it matter?"

"Yeah I think it does. It's not like you to not pay attention during those meetings. You're always full of questions. You didn't ask one." She kept her eyes straight ahead. Noting that he kept trying to look her in the eyes. She really didn't want to talk to him right now. She felt so lost at the moment. Part of her wanted to break down and cry. Be held and tell him everything that was bothering her. The other part of her wanted to shut herself away and just be alone until the last possible moment. She settled for sighing and stopping her walk to look at him.

"I'm fine Rex. You don't need to worry about me." She reached out punching his shoulder. It seemed like something she would do if she was actually alright. She could tell her was on the verge of believing her. That was enough for her for now. She turned and started to walk again. "See you on the bridge!" She yelled over her shoulder as she made her way down the hallway.

"Deep breaths Ahsoka. It's ok, just breathe." She muttered to herself as she tried to regulate her breathing. If someone had asked her how she had gotten into this position she wouldn't have been able to tell you. One minute she was getting the last of her things together and getting ready to head to meet the others early and the next thing she knew she was on the ground hyperventilating. She was so anxious and she didn't even know why! Was it the mission? She had gone on missions for years and never had an issue! She kept her eyes closed tight and squeezed her arms. "Ok one, two, three, four, five, six. One two, three, four, five, six. Breathe out." She couldn't stop shaking. Nothing was ok. Was this how it would be forever?

"Ahsoka we're heading out!" She gasped hearing someone knock on her bedroom door. What! How were they already heading out? She had been getting ready to head over an hour early! There was no way that she had been on the floor curled up in a ball for an hour. She had to say something or whoever was outside would worry.

"B-be there….in a s-sec…." That didn't sound great. That sounded like something was wrong. Shoot! She couldn't breathe.

"Ahsoka open the door." The voice was stern and wasn't leaving room for argument. How was she supposed to open the door she couldn't move and she couldn't speak! The tension was only making her anxiety worse. "Ahoka open the door now. I know something is wrong." Was that Rex? Everything sounded hazy.

"I-I'm fine….Meet you up t-there…" That didn't sound convincing either. She curled in on herself as she heard the door get kicked in…well….there was no avoiding his worry now. She looked so weak. She felt hands on her arms as he bent down next to her.

"Ashoka what's wrong? What happened?" How could she answer him when she couldn't breathe. She finally moved her head up to look at him grabbing her throat to signal this. He seemed to understand as he nodded and didn't ask her anymore questions. She could see the deep worry in his eyes. It made her feel special and she hated it.

She watched confused and upset as he stood up and walked over to a table in her room, but understood what he was doing when he came back with paper. "Can you write down what's going on?" He asked in a soft tone. She nodded and with shaky hands wrote out. "I think I'm having an anxiety attack." Understanding came over his face and he scooted closer to her putting his arms around her shoulders and resting her head on his shoulder. "It's ok, we have all the time in the world. Just breathe." As much as she wanted to believe him and just melt into his arms she knew he was lying. They didn't have all the time in the world! The whole team was waiting on them! They would all come look for her soon and see her in this position! She shook her head and started to get up, but he held her there. Looking into her eyes he could tell what she was thinking.

"Ahsoka it's ok. I will handle everything." She wasn't sure what it was about the look on his face, but she believed him. Believed that he would handle everything. She snuggled her head into his shoulder and let him hold her close. She knew this would change things, knew that he would see her different now. She was embarrassed and knew that they would have to talk about this later. She dreaded everything right now. Dreaded everyday for the rest of her life. She knew that was dramatic, but didn't care. She wished she could die on the floor right now and not have to deal with life.

Strangely enough the depressing thoughts did help to calm her down. It didn't sound good, but honestly she would rather be depressed than anxious. She allowed her body to calm down and focussed on Rex's heartbeat. Ignored anything that tried to enter her brain. She would figure it all out later. After what felt like three hours, but was probably at most twenty minutes she muttered quietly. "I'm ok Rex….thanks." She felt him slowly remove his arms from her and move in front of her to look at her face.

"Are you sure? I have no problem telling Skywalker that you're not feeling good and aren't coming." She smiled despite how she felt. It was sweet how much Rex was there for her. If she didn't know any better she would say he felt the same way about her that she felt about him. She however did know better. Rex was just an amazing guy. He would do this for anyone on his team.

"It's ok Rex. Besides if you do that I'll have to make up something to tell Anakin." Rex still didn't seem sure, but he didn't fight her. He simply helped her stand up and stood back to make sure she was steady on her feet. She wiped her tears away and let out a sigh. "Ok, lets go."

Much to her dismay everyone was waiting on them and didn't look thrilled. Strangely enough some of the Clones were smirking. She couldn't figure out why unless they were excited to see her get in trouble. She was even more confused when she realized they weren't smiling at her, they were smiling at Rex while raising their eyebrows…even stranger.

She walked up to Anakin feeling like a kid getting ready to be scolded by a parent. He looked so mad. "Where were you?" She actually had to fight the urge to jump back. His voice was much more demanding than normal. She had never heard him snap at her like that. She made sure her voice was steady before she spoke.

"I'm sorry Master. I was finishing some last minute edits on the ship." That wasn't a lie. It might not have been why she was late, but she had made edits to the ship before the panic attack. His eyes watched her closely before he spoke again.

"While that's appreciated you need to make sure you're on time for things. It's not the jedi way to be late." She tried to control he embarrassment at him scolding her like this in front of the clones. They were her friends and she was their leader which made everything so much worse. She tried to make sure her montrals didn't change color.

"I understand Master."

"Make sure it doesn't happen again." She nodded her head and prepared for landing. She performed the mission perfectly taking out more than her fair share of droids. Channeling her anger and embarrassment to make her move faster and take out more. She had cleared her entire section before even Anakin and moved on to her next part of the mission. Wanting this to be over as soon as possible. She could only dream of getting to go to her room and sob.

"Ahsoka where are you?" She heard Anakins voice through her ear piece.

"I have cleared my area and moving on to the next part of the mission." While normally her and Anakin were joksters on the ear coms that wasn't happening today. She kept her voice dry and serious.

"Wow look at you Snips! Good job!" Ahsoka didn't know how to feel about the compliment after so recently being scolded.

"Thank you Master." She kept her voice neutral. Honestly hoping he knew how upset she was with him. While she agreed she deserved to be scolded she disagreed with him scolding her in front of the troops.

The com went silent. She continued on making her way towards the building she needed to break into. She heard someone else come across a different channel in her earpiece.

"Ahoska you ok?" If she wasn't a very prepared Jedi she would have paused on her mission. Why was he asking her that?

"I'm fine Rex. How about you?" She continued running, not acknowledging the burning in her lungs.

"Well you weren't feeling you're best an hour ago and now you're performing better than you ever have. It's logical to think that it's a bit concerning." She rolled her eyes pushing through her dizziness.

"Rex I'm fine. I promise." There was a very long pause before she heard the response.

"Ok well I'm here if you need to talk." While she didn't want to get too familiar over the intercom she did stop to say.

"Thanks Rex, maybe another time." With that she was off to finish this mision. The sooner she finished the sooner she could crawl into bed and cry.

Ahsoka had to admit she had done a good job. It didn't make up for all of her mistake sin the past. But it was a start. She kept a smile on her face as the clones patted her on the back and applauded. She kept a smile on her place while Anakin patted her on the best. She might have felt like shit, but she could smile. She excused herself from dinner because all she wanted was to sleep. It was the only thing that made her feel good.

"Ahsoka wait!" Ahsoka paused in her steps to see Anakin following her.

"What is it Master?" She tried not to be too cold, but she was sure he picked up on her hesitation to speak with him.

"I'm sorry." He was clearly waiting for her to respond.

"For?"

"For earlier. While I had every right to scold you for being late I shouldn't have done it in front of the other clones. It wasn't right and for that I'm sorry." Ahsoka watched him closely. She knew he was being honest. She smiled once again.

"I forgive you. Thanks for the apology. I really am sorry for being late. I just got held up with the repairs." He patted her on the shoulder and shrugged it off.

"It's ok, Snips. Everyone on the ship really does appreciate all the work you do on the ships. I'm sorry I was so hard on you. It was just a stressful mission, but that doesn't make it right."

She smiled trying to hide the fact she wanted to go. She really did love her Master and wanted him to feel she cared, but she still really just wanted to go to bed. "I appreciate that Master, but I really am tired. I'm going to head to bed. See you bright and early." With that she continued down the hallway.

Ahsoka had just changed out of her battledress and into her sleeping clothes when she heard the knock on her door. Being careful to not be too revealing she kept most of her body behind the door as she opened it. She was surprised to see it was Rex. "Hey Rex, what's up?"

Rex looked strangely as surprised as she was…which was weird since he had come to her room. "Uh….hey I was just coming to check on you. You worked really hard on that mission despite the anxiety attack earlier. It was surprising and worrisome. How are you feeling?"

Ahsoka really had to try to not be too flattered at his concern. It really was heartwarming. He really did care about her didn't he? "I"m fine Rex. No need to worry about me. Just doing my job." She shrugged trying not to show how flattered she was by his attention.

"You should take it easy for a bit. Anxiety attacks are tasking on the body. Get a good night's sleep." She frowned listening to his words.

"How would you know what an anxiety attack feels like? You're never phased during battle. I've watched you overcome things that no one should and you come out unscathed." The corner of Rex's mouth turned up at her words.

"Physically unscathed maybe, not mentally. The Clones and I have gone through the same thing. You don't fight for a war like this without having some mental turmoil." She nodded understanding what he meant. She wondered how many of the men on her team had the same type of nightmares that she did about not saving people.

"You know…if you ever need someone to be there for you how you were for me…I'm here for you." She couldn't help the blush that came across her cheeks. Surprisingly Rex's cheeks also reddened.

"I'll keep it in mind. Goodnight Ahsoka." She nodded, smiling back.

"Good night Rex. Sleep well." With that she closed the door and layed in her bed. Tomorrow she would not be so weak. She would make sure of it.