Chapter 87: We have to be friends

'True friends are great riches.'

-Unknown

Becca was excited for Maria's birthday. Her, Ellie and Betsy planned it out. A couple other women would be coming along as well. She didn't know them that well, but she was determined to make friends. Her therapist told her she needed to make friends her age. She couldn't spend all her time with Betsy and Maria.

There was more to being a wife and mother. She wanted to get out of her comfort zone and enjoy life the way it was intended. She was a people pleaser and spent most of her life making others happy. It's about damned time she got out there and see what life has to offer for herself as well.

She finished getting dressed and met Maria downstairs. Maria whistled when she saw her dress,'That's beautiful. Betsy?'

'She didn't make it, but had it stored away from her travels.' She looked down at the dress and shrugged,'I've never worn anything like this before, but it's gorgeous. It's not too revealing?'

Maria smirked and waved her hand in the air,'No such thing.'

Becca looked over at Maria and shook her head,'You look so hot.'

Becca wasn't kidding. Maria didn't come to play around. Her dress that form fitting and was a spaghetti cocktail dress. It was a vibrant green which looked great against her dark skin. Her braids were pulled up into a bun. Her eyeshadow matched her dress.

Becca slowly walked around her and whistled lowly,'Your dress is perfect.'

Maria looked down at herself and bit her bottom lip,'It's not too much?'

'Not at all.' Becca wrapped her arm around her,'It's your birthday. You can wear whatever you want.' She noticed the forlorn look on her face and frowned,'It's okay to feel sad. I know you miss him.'

Tears filled Maria's eyes and she shook her head sadly,'It's gonna be my first birthday without him. It feels different. He used to go all out for my birthday. He always had a surprise up his sleeve.'

Becca sighed as she rubbed her back. She couldn't imagine what it's like for her. She never truly felt the loss of her husband. When Ben and David died she felt relieved in a way. She couldn't imagine how she would react if something happened to Joel. It's why she was so determined to never lose him. She loved him far too much.

Becca rested her head on Maria's shoulder,'We're gonna have fun tonight because I know that's what he would've wanted. After everything you've been through. You deserve to be happy too. But don't think you're wrong for missing him. You can miss him for however long you want to.'

Maria looked up at her and smiled tearfully,'Everybody just expects me to just bounce right back just like that, ya know? I wish I could, but I'm not as strong as people want me to be.'

Becca shook her head and sighed,'That's not true. You're stronger than anybody I've met. You carrying on with your life and trying to give Seb the best life you can. You're a strong woman and I look up to you.'

Maria wrapped her arms around her friend and squeezed her tightly,'I love you.'

'I love you too.'

They heard two knocks on the door and Ellie calling for them as she marched into the house.

They looked up to see Ellie standing there wearing jeans and a light pink blouse. Her hair was down but styled and curled. She didn't wear dresses or makeup, but that was fine. She was the woman she wanted to be.

Ellie averted her eyes between them and scoffed,'I didn't know it was a fancy dress party.'

'Maybe for us old ladies.' Becca smirked,'We don't get out much. Let us live a little.'

Ellie walked over to Maria and hugged her,'Happy birthday.' She handed her a wrapped present,'I didn't forget.'

Maria smiled as she took the gift from her,'I didn't think you would.'

She unwrapped the gift and smiled when she saw the painted photo of Seb,'This is so beautiful. It looks just like him.'

'Joel carved the frame.' Ellie shrugged,'I think this might be a dual gift. I don't know.'

Maria laughed as she carefully placed her gift on the coffee table,'He gave me my gift this morning. He fixed my sink.'

Becca hugged Ellie as kissed the top of her head,'How's Matty doing?'

'He was sleeping when I left.' Ellie sighed,'Betsy's with him until Joel gets back from work. She said she'll meet you guys at the bar.' She looked up at Becca and smiled knowingly,'Joel's seems pretty happy lately.'

'Funny.' Maria smirked behind Becca,'I was just saying the same about our girl.'

Becca rolled her eyes and chuckled softly,'Calm down, guys. It's only been our third date.' She looked back over her shoulder at Maria,'We kissed for the first time though.'

Ellie groaned and pulled a disgusted face,'This is so weird. You guys are married and having a kid together, but are living apart and dating. You're acting like everything's new.'

Becca frowned as she shared a knowing look with Maria. She knew the young woman was having a difficult time with the transition. She wanted her parents back together and all living under the same roof. She wished it was as simple as that.

Becca sighed and shook her head,'It is new in a way, El. We both realized we jumped right into a lot of heaving things before we really got to know each other. We didn't give each other time enough to heal. Everything happened so fast. This separation isn't permanent. It's something we need to do so we can be even better. Just trust us on this. Please?'

Ellie's shoulders slumped dejectedly and she nodded,'Okay, fine. It doesn't mean I have to like it.'

Becca gave her another kiss on the top of her head,'Thank you for understanding and being an adult about this.' She clapped her hands excitedly,'We should get going.'

Ellie nervously rocked back and forth on her heels, averting her eyes between the two women,'Is it okay if Abby meets us there?'

Becca had to keep herself from grinning. She had a feeling something was stirring between the two. She didn't know if it would be serious. Ellie was still grieving Lizzie and Riley. She was focusing on her trauma therapy but she deserved to be happy too. She just wanted everyone to come out of this with some semblance of happiness.

Becca smiled softly and held her face in her hands,'It's more than okay. Isn't it, Maria?'

Maria patted her back as she grabbed her coat,'The more the merrier.'

Ellie chewed on her bottom lip nervously,'Can we have a couple drinks? Me and Abby are both only a year away from twenty one. Joel said he didn't mind cause he knows I'm responsible and would be with you, but he said to ask you too.' She crossed her arms over her chest and sighed dramatically,'If you say no then he says don't give ya shit about it.'

Rebecca respected the fact he always brought her into the decisions when it came to their children. Even living apart, he made sure they were both on the same page when it came to parenting. They were good parents. They just needed to work on being a better partner to each other.

'It's okay with me.' She met her daughter's gaze sternly,'Just two and water after that. I'll make sure everyone keeps an eye on ya too.'

'Damn right, missy.' Maria pointed at her,'We're mothers and see more than God. Don't ever forget that.'

Ellie held her hands up defensively,'Okay. Only two drinks and then water. I get it. Sheesh. Joel gave me the same speech. You know he's a mother hen.'

The women headed out as they walked to the bar. They would be tending to their own drinks and bringing their own food, but they had the entire place to themselves. They could drink, eat and listen to music. They could have fun and be women.

Ellie went to pick up Abby, promising to meet them there.

Maria hooked her arm in Becca's and nodded up to him the roof of the schoolhouse that was being repaired,'There's loverboy right there.'

Becca looked up at the roof and her heart skipped her beat when she saw Joel. He was wearing jeans and a gray t shirt. He was wearing a black baseball cap instead of his usual cowboy hat. His long curls were sticking out from underneath his hat.

She shook her head and leaned in close to Maria, whispering, 'I want that for my birthday.'

Maria chuckled softly as she watched Becca staring up at Joel. She envied their new beginning. Sometimes she wished Tommy could've broken apart from his conditioning and see the error of his ways. Maybe they could've salvaged something in their relationship. Even if they didn't, their son would still have his father.

She didn't resent anyone. She knew Tommy needed to be stopped. She didn't regret saving Joel's life. She just wished things were different. She'll probably feel that way for the rest of her life.

Joel swore he felt eyes on him and his eyes flickered downward. He dropped his hammer onto the roof, cursing to himself. Even after all this time and despite everything, she still made him nervous. Sometimes she made it difficult to breathe.

He's never seen her in a dress like this before. It was silver sequined and short, reaching up to her mid thigh. It was spaghetti strapped and clung to her curves. He loved her body after giving birth. His phone regret is that she wouldn't let him appreciate it.

The one side of her hair was pulled back, leaving the rest of it in loose curls down her back. Her lips were painted red. The silver stiletto heels she wore made her legs seem even longer. The image of those long legs wrapped around his waist and those heels digging into his back as he pounded hard and fast into her. Those heavy tits bouncing as she arched her back.

He was so lost in his thoughts he dropped his hammer. He cursed at himself as the other men laughed at him. He glared half heartedly at the them. He was flustered. He didn't expect to see her dressed like that today.

He tucked that image away in his mind for later. He would jerk off to the image in the shower or in bed later. It would only be him and Matty tonight. What a man did on his own is his business.

Joel's never seen her in anything this revealing. Sure he's seen her naked and in lingerie, but a dress like this was something special. She was showing the world she was confident in herself.

The men playfully cat called at them down below. Joel bent down and picked up his hammer. The Joel before would've punched the living daylights out of every man that called out to her. He wouldn't do that anymore. She wasn't his property. They weren't being lewd. They were laughing down below. Maria seemed to be enjoying himself.

Becca only had eyes for him though. She waved at him and blew him a kiss. He smirked at that and waved at her with two fingers. He took off his hat and placed it over his heart, just as he did on their last date.

She smiled shyly and nodded, letting him know she understood and appreciated it.

He took a few more moments to take her in. He imagined slowly pulling the straps down her shoulders as he gave her lingering kisses all over her bare skin. He swore he could still remember the way she tasted. He would relish in those memories alone with this thoughts.

He would savor the moments they have together now. He was enjoying getting to know the real her. The 'first kiss' they shared was chaste by most standards, but he was still shook just thinking about it. She tasted better than he remembered. His mind never did justice when it came to her. He needed to experience the real thing.

In due time.

Becca cupped her hands over her mouth, shouting up at him,'Lookin good up there, stud!

Joel snorted and crouched down, shouting back,'You stalking me, darling?!'

'Maybe just a little!' She yelled back, making him chuckle,'Finish up working. It's the weekend. Time to relax.'

Becca hooked her arm back in Maria's as they walked towards the bar. Ellie gave him bits and pieces of what they had planned. A few of the women planned a get together at the bar. There wasn't much to do in the town, but they looked to be making their own fun.

He couldn't help but watch her walk away, watching the sway of her hips in the skin tight dress. He bit his bottom lip. He was keyed up. He might have to rub a couple out if or else he wouldn't be able to sleep.

Tim saw the look on Joel's face and clapped his back,'That's two damned good looking women. If ya don't mind me saying so.'

Joel nodded and swallowed harshly,'I have to agree. I got my eye on the redhead though.'

Tim pursed his lips and stared at him warily,'Forgive me if I'm crossing a line…but aren't you two married? Word around town is ya ain't living together anymore.'

'Trial separation.' He narrowed his eyes,'We're working some things out. If anyone has any questions they're free to ask. Becca might be nicer than me though.'

'No judgments from my end.' Tim shrugged,'My wife likes to gossip. I don't have a choice in the matter but to listen.'

Joel patted his back and shook his head,'I'm sure the church ladies have been loving the talk over tea.' He sighed,'Let's finish this up. I wanna spend time with my kid.'

And just like that they dropped the conversation. Joel was surprised. They've been separated for over a month and this is the first time he's been asked about it. Even then it wasn't a big deal. Maybe people had bigger things in town to worry about.

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Ellie and Abby arrived at the bar shortly after they did. Betsy along with a woman named Leslie and Meredith came as well. They were a few years younger than Becca and Maria. Becca knew them from coming into Betsy's shop. They were married with children of their own.

She instantly connected with them. They didn't judge her for her past. She could confide in them and get advice about parenting and relationships. She could also have a few drinks with them and shoot the shit.

She couldn't remember the last time she's had a female friend. Not even when she was younger or before the outbreak. She was always so consumed in her relationships. It felt good to discover herself as a woman. She needed to love herself before she could really love someone else. Her therapist taught her that.

The women ate and had their first round of drinks. They brought out Maria's birthday cake and sang happy birthday to her. They all wore birthday hats and made her cry, but she was smiling. She was happy. It was good to see her happy. Nothing could replace Tommy, but they could make her forget. If only for a little while.

Ellie and Abby left the party early. Becca didn't ask questions, but they only had a couple drinks. She thought them holding hands and smiled to herself. Good. Maybe the new year was going to be a good one. Hopefully they could get through the next twelve months without losing anybody or having to fight another war. She didn't want to see another infected. They were still out there, but away from them.

The rest of the women stayed behind. They put on the juke box, ate cake and drank. Betsy left the party early, declaring herself too old to stay up any later. They danced as they took shots in between.

Becca could feel herself floating as she stood on the dance floor. She had a glass of red wine in her hand as she swayed along to the music. Maria left the bar to go home. Apparently, she had an escort home. She didn't know what that's about. Maria would tell her in due time. She's learned the more she presses her about something the more she doesn't want to talk about it.

Meredith and Leslie decided to leave as well and Becca decided it was her cue to leave. It was almost one in the morning and she had a garden to start growing the next day. Joel asked something very important of her and she was determined to see it through. She was elated he asked her.

She knew she was drunk though. It would be a hell of a bitch to wake up the next day. She felt slightly dizzy as she put on the white fur coat Maria gave her to wear. She didn't bring a coat. She didn't expect to be out so late. Maria tried to make her come with her, but she could tell she wanted to be alone with someone. She didn't want to intrude upon that. Besides, she hadn't been ready to go home. It's rare she gets to have a good time like this.

She walked out of the bar and closed her eyes, taking a deep breath of the fresh air. It wasn't freezing, but there was a chill in the air. She was thankful Maria was mindful enough to insist she take the coat. The fresh air woke her up.

'Fancy seeing ya here.'

She jumped slightly in fear, but immediately eased up when she saw Joel standing there. He was leaning against the lamp post, grinning as he stared at her. She wondered what he was doing here. There wasn't a soul around.

She placed her hand over her chest and sighed,'You scared the living shit outta me, Joel.' She shook her head,'What are ya doing here? Who's home with Matty?'

'Ellie.' He cleared his throat,'She came home and told me ya were and I quote fucked up.' He shrugged,'Tim radioed me at the farm. Told me he just picked the ladies up.'

Her eyes widened and she smirked slightly,'Are you stalking me?'

He stood up straight and walked over to her,'Not stalking. Just making sure you don't walk home drunk in the middle of the night. Think of me like your designated walker?'

She squinted her eyes up at him,'Designated walker. That's sweet. You have to be up in a few hours but came here to walk me a short distance home.' She rested her head against his arm,'You're a keeper.'

Joel snorted and nodded,'And you're hammered.'

'I am.' She wrapped both of her arms around his and sighed,'I'll say it sober.'

Joel never saw her this drunk before. A little buzzed, but never drunk. She seemed a handy and overly affectionate drunk. He never took advantage of a drunk woman. He liked his women responsive, willing, sober and a very active participant. He never understood why men did it. Maybe it was a control thing. It's why he needed therapy. To get over the things he's seen and done as a former Firefly.

He's realized in his own therapy he held himself back when it came to sex and intimacy as well. He never wanted to hurt her or feel like he was forcing what he wanted onto her. He didn't want her to be disgusted, but he was getting over his fears. Just as she was doing for herself.

Becca frowned as she looked down at her feet,'My feet are killing me in these things.'

'Then take them off.' He shrugged,'Ain't no one around to see.'

'I can't walk barefoot.' She sighed and unhooked her arms from his,'Who am I kidding? I totally can.'

She slid out of the heels and Joel took them from her. She looked up at him and smiled gratefully,'Thank you.'

'Ya want me to carry ya?'

She laughed and shook her head,'I'm good. It's not too far to walk, but it's definitely too far to carry me.'

'I'm stronger than I look.' He smirked,'I think that's more of a sixth date kinda thing though.'

'I agree.' She returned his smirk and tangled her fingers with his,'Thank you for taking me home. You're a real gentleman.'

His head tilted back as he chuckled,'So they tell me.'

She pursed her like as her eyes roved up and down the length of him,'You do look strong too by the way. Especially when you were swinging that hammer around earlier.'

'Ya mean on the ground?' He smiled wryly,'I saw ya in that dress. Had me fumbling like a fucking fool.'

She didn't know if it was the alcohol or his words making her cheeks burn. Maybe it was in the way he said it. He was being playful, but the tone of his voice got deeper. Just as it always did when he was serious about something.

She squeezed his arm and grinned up at him,'Is that your way of telling me I looked nice?'

He snorted and shook his head,'Ya looked more than nice, darlin.' He sighed softly,'Ya look goddamned gorgeous. I can't stop thinking about it. I shouldn't be saying that.'

'Why?' She frowned,'Cause I'm drunk?'

'Not just cause of that.' He looked away and shrugged,'I don't want ya thinking it's all I want or think about.'

'I like hearing it.' She stumbled slightly, but he placed a firm hand on her lower back, making sure she didn't fall,'Just cause we're separated doesn't mean I stop thinking about you or…us like that. When we kissed last night. I laid in bed and thought about it. I probably shouldn't be saying that either, but it's the truth.'

He could hear the slight slur in her words. He wondered if she would even remember the conversation tomorrow. In the recent time they've spent together though; he's never felt more appreciated by her though. He felt seen by her. Wanted.

'We should keep doing that.' She nodded,'The kissing. Not tonight though.'

'Not tonight.' He affirmed as they approached Maria's house.

The lights were off and he wondered if she stayed out. Seb was being looked after by a friend. He felt his brotherly instincts kick in, but didn't want to pry. She was a grown woman, but she was also hurting.

Becca looked up at him and smiled softly,'Thank you for walking me home.'

'Anytime, darlin.' He couldn't help but run his hand through her hair,'I'm glad ya got home safe.'

'I finished writing your letter.' She nodded,'Come around tomorrow morning and I'll give it to ya.'

Tony suggested they write letters to each other. They wouldn't be read aloud in their sessions. They would solely be for each other. They didn't have cellphones or email. This would be the most sufficient way for them to communicate. Old school.

He told them to write whatever came to mind. They could be a useful way to express their feelings and emotions. It could be friendly, angry, passionate, emotional or even sexual. He said it would be a fun and therapeutic exercise. If they didn't have the courage to say what they couldn't face to face. They could at least write it down and be read to process on their own. Then they could discuss how they felt in their sessions.

'Good cause I finished mine too.' He smirked,'I haven't written a love letter since middle school.'

She smirked at that and grasped his hands lightly squeezing them,'A love letter, huh? I guess they are love letters. It's my first time writing one that's serious. It was more difficult to write than our wedding vows.'

They remembered that day vividly. They got married in secret, hidden away in a barn at sunset. She thought it was romantic and adventurous at first, but she's come to realize how toxic and unhealthy it had been. It's where their problems all began. They would rather hide than be proud of who they are. Not anymore.

If this worked out, they would get married out in the open. Anyone in town would be invited. It would be a joyous occasion. No more hiding.

He stroked her jaw and smiled, whispering,'I can't wait to read it. You're gonna be all sappy with me.'

'Maybe.' She smirked and averted her eyes shyly,'Maybe even a little…curious too.'

His arched his eyebrow as he looked over her face,'Curious?'

She took a deep breath. She was drunk and talking nonsense. Then again, he made her tongue tied sober,'I've had your letter finished already, but after our first kiss I added some…cliff notes. I wondered what your mustache would feel like on other parts of my skin.'

He closed his eyes and bit back a moan, mumbling a 'Jesus' under his breath.

He would definitely need to go home, get in bed and jerk off. He jerked off in the shower earlier, thinking about her in those stilettos, bending her over the sink and fucking her senseless. Once wouldn't be enough tonight. Not when she was looking at him like this.

Even now, she still ruined his calm. So wide eyed and innocent looking. Yet, she had the power to bring him down to his knees and cut him in two. She managed to do what even the strongest man couldn't.

Break him.

He shook his head and sighed, whispering,'Ya sure ya want me reading a letter like that?'

'You're the only one I want to read the letter I wrote.' She sighed and grasped his hand again,'It's for you. To tell you the things I feel and…want.'

'My letter ain't exactly innocent either.' He shrugged,'We can't talk to each other like we should. We can't do any of that shit if we can't talk about it.'

She didn't ask him to elaborate. She didn't think he was going to anyway. She wasn't ready for it yet. It was the sole purpose of the letters. They needed to build up to that kind of intimacy.

She wrapped her arms around him tightly, whispering against his chest,'Thank you again for walking me home. I look forward to seeing ya tomorrow morning and working on the memorial garden.'

'You're gonna have a hell of a hangover.' He kissed the top of her head,'I look forward to it too. When ya get in the house, drink some water and take something for your head before ya go to sleep. Have it on handy for the morning too.'

She pulled away from him and grinned,'I used to be a nurse.'

'Now you're a seamstress.' He gently shooed her towards the house,'Now git.'

She laughed as she walked up to the house. He called out her name and she looked back.

He jogged up towards her and dangled his stilettos in front of her face,'I figured ya would want these back. They're not my taste. I'm more of a ballet flats kinda guy. I'm tall enough.'

She chuckled as she took the shoes out of his hand,'Thanks. I don't know if I'll wear them much. They hurt after awhile.'

'Maybe around the house.' He cleared his throat,'I would keep em for a…special occasion.'

She heard that lilting in his voice again. She felt the wetness seep in her panties. She couldn't help herself. She was drunk and horny. It didn't help matters the object of her desires was standing right in front of her.

How long has it been since they've been intimate? A year and two months. She hasn't been with anyone else and he's revealed in their sessions he hasn't sleep either anyone else after Tess that one time. They were two adults immensely attracted to each other, but sex wouldn't solve their issues. It would only make things worse.

He surprised her by bending down and giving her a quick and chaste kiss on her lips,'See ya in the morning, Rebecca.'

She blinked her eyes as he smiled widely and walked away from her. He untied his horse and climbed onto the saddle. He made sure she got into the house safe before he galloped down the road towards the farm.

She watched out the window at his horse gallop away. She sighed to herself, rubbing her legs together. The friction only made it worse. Her inner thighs felt sticky and her panties were soaked through. She would have to touch herself before she went to bed. She would imagine riding him hard and fast, watching him as he just laid there and let her fuck him.

She's always wanted the courage to do that. She was talking things through with her therapist. She wanted to feel comfortable in her own body and sexuality. She wanted to explore her deep and dark sexual desires. She knew once she fully trusted herself intimacy with him would be so much fun.

The house was dark and quiet as she carefully tiptoed up the steps. She saw Maria's door slightly ajar and saw her sleeping soundly. She breathed a sigh of relief; thankful she made it home safely.

She crept into her room and gently closed the door behind her. She took off Maria's coat and carefully placed it on her chair. She placed her shoes on the floor and sat down on the edge of the bed.

She didn't even bother showering or changing. She couldn't take the time. She was so turned on by him. He didn't even do anything but look at her.

She quickly spread her legs and pulled her panties to the side. She slid her index finger up and down her slit and hissed slightly. She was already so wet and slick just thinking about him. She didn't waste anytime in rubbing her clit. She easily slid a finger inside her wet heat. She gritted her teeth to stifle her moan. The alcohol heightened her desire and she was already there as she added another finger to get herself off. She rubbed her clit with her thumb, thinking about his mouth and tongue on her pussy, the roughness of his mustache and beard as he ate her out. Her skin would be raw from him and she could feel him for days.

She tightly closed her eyes as she felt her orgasm beginning. She clenched her legs shut from the force of it and clamped a hand over her mouth to stifle her moans. She moaned his name as if he were right there in the room with her. Her juices spurted out of her and she wished he were there to lick her clean. She was coming so hard she saw stars behind her eyes.

She's never come this hard thinking about him before. Maybe it's because of the separation or she was finally letting her fears go. She was pushing herself and becoming acquainted with her body; just as her therapist suggested.

She slumped back against the bed and stared dazedly up at the ceiling to catch her breath. She laughed slightly to herself, feeling giddy. She thought about adding a few more cliff notes to her letter, but decided against it.

That would be another story for another time.

Joel took off his boots and placed them on the porch. He quietly crept inside the house and upstairs to his bedroom. He checked on the kids who were sound asleep. He walked into their bedroom. He still considered it theirs. He didn't consider her move permanent.

He closed the door and sighed as he took off his belt and flannel. He took off his undershirt and walked over to the bed, sitting down on the edge of it. He felt his cock throbbing in his pants and rubbed it over his jeans to get some relief.

He saw the wet spot on his jeans and cursed under his breath. He should've worn boxers, but he didn't think he would be gone for long. He couldn't help it. He was attracted to her. Beautiful dress or not. Especially with the way she was looking at him and flirting with him. He remembered the way her breasts felt against his arm.

He was rubbing himself the entire ride back home. He wasn't weird enough to jerk off in front of a horse. He kept his self control in the barn. He tried to talk himself out of it. He already jerked off thinking about her in the shower. He didn't want to do it again, but his cock demanded it.

He unzipped and unbuttoned his fly. He pulled out his cock and gripped it tightly. He bit his bottom lip as he rubbed the head of his cock with his thumb. He spit into his palm and started jerking off his cock. He thought about her riding his cock in this very bed, bending her over in those heels and fucking her so hard she was begging for him to stop.

His body broke out into a sheen or sweat as he bit into his arm to muffle his groans. He murmured her name over and over, imagining her tight wet cunt around him as he pounded into her from behind, gripping her long red hair as he lost himself inside her.

His hips rose up as he came. His come spurted out onto his stomach as his eyes rolled into the back of his head. His stomach clenched tightly with the force of his orgasm and he had to lay back in the bed to catch his breath. She turned him on so much. It's been so long since he's felt a woman. Not just sexually. It was everything.

He looked up at the ceiling and sighed to himself. He didn't feel guilty about thinking of her like this. He was just tired of being alone.

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The following morning Joel was standing outside of Maria's house just as he promised her he would be. He had her letter tucked into the back pocket of his jeans. He placed it in an envelope. He felt nervous to give it to her. He's never given a woman a love letter he's written as a man. A green eyed for sure, but they were foolish and didn't mean anything. This meant everything.

He made sure his hair was fixed and held the bouquet of flowers tightly in his hand with Matty in his other arm. The baby recognized the place and seemed excited as he flailed his arms and legs happily.

He took a deep breath and knocked on the door twice. It was always their way of signaling it was them. It started back in Arrowhead. Even Ellie and Maria followed along with it. It was their defense mechanism.

She came to the door a few moments later. She had a bright smile on her face when she saw the two of them. She ran out onto the porch and took Matty from his arms. She kissed all over his face as the baby squealed happily.

He took a step back, letting Becca talk to him and ask him about his day. She was a good mother and Matty adored her. He would never want to get in the middle of their relationship. Watching her with their children made him think about how good of a mother she would've been to Sarah. She would've loved her. She would've been the loving and nurturing mother she always wanted and needed.

Becca looked up at Joel and leaned up, kissing his cheek,'Good morning, stud.'

He smirked at that and bent down, giving her a quick peck on the lips,'Mornin, darlin.'

He's taken to calling her that over 'honey girl' these days. She wondered if the nickname was a thing of the past. She didn't mind his pet names so much. She used to resent them sometimes, but she understood he did it with affection.

He handed her a bouquet of flowers and shrugged,'I figured wooing is a two way street.' He looked over her face, seeing the bags under her eyes and smirked,'Ya hungover some?'

'A little bit. I did like ya said and drank some water and headache medicine last night and this morning.' She gave him a small smile,'Thanks for seeing me home safe.'

'It was my pleasure.' He lightly ran the back of his hand down her bare shoulder, whispering,'I get to walk a beautiful woman home. What a chore.'

She laughed and shook her head, feeling her skin prickle at the slight contact of his innocuous touch,'I remember everything I said last night.'

His eyes widened as he searched her face,'Everything, hmm?'

'Yeah.' She nodded,'Everything.'

She wanted to tell him about how she touched herself after he dropped her off at home, but she distressed. That was something best left to herself. For now anyway.

'Good.' He rubbed the back of Matty's head as he leaned in close to her, whispering,'Cause I want ya to remember every single thing we talk about.'

She gently bounced Matty up and down as he fussed in her arms,'An open book right?'

He grinned as he gently pinched her cheek,'You know it.' He looked over her attire of overalls, a pair and top and garden boots,'All ready for the day?'

'Sure am.' She grinned,'Have breakfast with me and Matty first. Maria's at work and Seb is with the sitter. I'm all by myself lonesome.'

'We can't have that.' He nodded,'I could eat.'

'I know ya only drink coffee in the mornings and forget to eat until lunch.' She grabbed his hand as she led him out back,'I figured we would eat outside. I already have everything set up.'

He laughed as he let his eyes look her over as he licked his lips,'If I took I guess I would say ya planned this.'

'Guilty:' She looked back at him and smirked,'An impromptu date.' They reached the backyard and she waved her hands over towards the table set up with breakfast,'Surprise.'

He placed his hand over his heart and pretended to stumble backwards,'I'm wooed and…flattered.' He cleared his throat and slid the letter out from his back pocket,'Before we eat. I wanted to give ya this.'

He handed her the two pieces of paper he wrote in an envelope. It's the longest letter he's ever written in his life. He thought it would be difficult because it would be the most important things he's ever done in his life, but he found it surprisingly easy to write how he felt. It was therapeutic and the words seemed to write themselves.

Tears filled her eyes and she slid her two page letter out of her pocket, also in an envelope,'You wanna read them now or when we're alone?'

He thought about it for a moment before he nodded,'When we're alone.' He nervously ran a hand through his hair,'Don't want ya running to Tony after ya read what I wrote.'

'You might say the same thing about mine.' She carefully tucked his letter into her pocket,'I'll read it after you leave.' She nodded over towards the table,'Let's eat.'

She made eggs and pancakes. The two things she managed to cook pretty well. Joel seemed more excited about the coffee than anything. She kept Matty on her lap, feeding him eggs and mashed up pancakes. He was starting to get teeth coming and could eat solid foods. She was weaning him off breastfeeding as well. He also slept throughout the night, which has been a godsend for them.

She took a sip of her coffee as she looked over at him,'Did you sleep well last night?'

Joel gulped down his coffee, choking slightly at her loaded question. He slept well after jerking himself so hard he woke up with a sore dick, but the intense orgasm had been worth it. He did manage to sleep pretty damned well.

He nodded and managed to shrug nonchalantly,'I slept pretty good. You?'

She gave him a shy smile and nodded,'I slept pretty good actually.'

He nodded and snorted,'Probably cause of all the alcohol.'

Probably because I got myself off thinking about you. She mentally noted.

She nodded once again and gave him a small smile, 'Probably.'

The rest of breakfast was pretty easygoing. They alternated between feeding and holding Matty while they talked about the plans for the memorial garden. Joel was giving her complete control over it, but he would help her in anyway he can. He considered this to be not only a community effort, but a family one as well. Matty was even coming along for the ride.

Joel offered to help her clean up, but she liked to do it herself. It gave her something to do. It kept her mind busy. She packed Matty's bag for the day and sat out on the porch to finish her coffee before heading out.

She took out Joel's letter and opened it, deciding it was better time as any to read it.

She unfolded the letter and smiled when she saw his familiar handwriting.

Becca,

Today I write this letter to tell you how much i miss you. This distance between us is unbearable. When I come home to an empty house, I miss your smiling face awaiting my return. You are the constant thought on my mind. Even when I am working, I think of you and wonder what you would be doing now.

Even though we aren't that far away, I hate sleeping in the bed alone, smelling you and seeing you everywhere.

I love your smile; the way your eyes light up upon seeing me makes me feel like I am the king of the world. I have met many women before you, but no one was able to change my world as you did. Your commitment stole my heart, please never return it because it is the only place it wants to be.

Tears filled her eyes at his words. He could be so sweet and romantic at times. People probably wouldn't believe her, but he had a really soft heart. It's one of the very many reasons why she fell in love with him in the first place.

She took a sip of her coffee and bounced Matty on her lap as she continued to read the rest.

Even though we don't have anything in common, we never let the differences come between us. I am glad that we are first best friends and then life partners. Our friendship is what made our relationship so strong. Before we became lovers. We were always friends and I hope we always will be. I would rather have you in my life as a friend than nothing at all.

I would be lying if I said it's all I want. Every time I look at you I forget to breathe.

Thoughts of you race through my mind and burning images of you stay within focus of my memory. Your body and your the exquisite perfection of your alluring face stays with me as if I am always dreaming. I can't stop thinking about you and the passion we create when we are together.
I dream about being with you again. The desire to be with you in such physical closeness is so powerful that I cannot stop dreaming about your eroticism. I crave every inch of your body with enormity as if I had a sick addiction. You make me feel like I am about to explode as soon as you touch me. My desire to be with you, on you and touching you is overwhelming.
I dream that I walk into our house one evening late at night. The house is already dark except for a few candles and a thunderstorm is raging outside. Soaking wet in my clothes I move over to you and hold you firmly as my mouth meets yours. I undress you there in the living room and lay you on the couch. In the flashing light of the storm outside I can see your body move and writhe with expectation. My rain soaked hair and clothes has covered your naked body with a glistening moistness that begs to be touched. I can see the beads of water trickle down your stomach and thighs with each streak of lightening.
As I gently kiss your lips and neck I slowly undress myself part of the way. I move down your naked chest and kiss your beautiful breasts, holding each one in my hand as I do so. Your skin is hot to the touch and your moaning is getting increasingly stronger. I am not able to wait any longer and I stand up as you help me undo my pants and slide them down. I love being on top of you, feeling your arms around me and pressing into me as I am inside of you. The pleasure and intensity of the moment is almost too much to bear. For a few moments we are one. Moving together and holding each other joined by fierce sex and lustful emotions.
Darlin, you drive me crazy. I feel as if I were once more a school boy dealing with the raging hormones of adolescence. I never thought a woman could make a full grown man this hungry with a raging sexual appetite. I am stunned by my own animal drive to be with you sexually, but I am very excited about it. I look forward to getting to know all of you. In every sense of the word.

Yours truly,

Joel

P.S. Keep those shoes from last night. I have something special planned in mind for them.

Becca must've read the entire last part without breathing. She kept scanning it over and over again, wondering where this was all coming from. Is this what he's been afraid to show her? His sweet and romantic side? She's never had a man show her so much appreciation. She didn't feel afraid to show her desire for him. He was baring it all to her.

It was about damned time she do the same.

Joel reached the memorial site and took a sip from the thermos of coffee Becca sent him along with.

He sat on the bench and took out her letter she wrote him. He hurriedly opened it up, always an impatient man.

He chuckled to himself, seeing her neat handwriting,

My husband,

He smiled to himself at that. Despite everything, she still considered him her husband. He thought of her as his wife. That didn't change. They still wore their rings. She still bore his name.

Thank you for bringing love, stability, and affection into my life – something that I never imagined would happen before I met you. Your positive energy has been my strength throughout, and I cannot imagine spending my life with anyone else but you.

While you see the glass as half full, I am more of a glass-half-empty kind of person, yet somehow we fit. So, thank you for showing love and care even on the days I find myself hard to love. I love you for not judging me for the way I am and, instead, embracing my weirdness as my quirk. I can't wait to spend more and more time getting to know each other's personalities, no matter how different they are.

I know it isn't always easy to love me and I make things difficult for you when they shouldn't be, but I plan to get better at that.

He had to laugh at that. She was getting better at that. They were only a few weeks into therapy and she was making strides in her own right. She was making an effort to talk about her past more. She was finally opening up to him.

Time and space may stand between us, but not a moment goes by where you are not enveloped in my thoughts. I miss you profoundly and with such an intensity that words fail to capture. Your absence in my world is a void that is insurmountable, a chasm that can only be bridged by the radiance of your presence.

Every instance that we've spent together has been etched into my memory. I recall your soft laughter, the way your eyes light up when you're passionate about something, the comforting warmth of your touch. Your remarkable capacity for kindness, your intellectual prowess, and your captivating charm are but fragments of the intricate mosaic that is you. This absence is a challenge, a harsh test of endurance. Yet, I am grateful, for it provides a mirror reflecting the depth and breadth of my love for you. I miss you intensely, each moment apart a reminder of my affection for you.

I sit here tonight, in our favorite spot, surrounded by the echoes of our shared laughter, haunted by the ghost of your touch. Your absence weighs heavy upon my heart, and the world seems a shade dimmer without your radiant light.

Your kindness, your intelligence, your passion – all of these and more make you the extraordinary person that you are. Our shared memories keep me company in your absence, providing a sense of comfort amidst the heartache.

His eyes widened, knowing which spot she was referring to. It was down by the lake where he took her for their picnic. She declared it their new favorite spot. She had a way about words. He could listen to her speak for hours about nothing at all.

When you kissed me the other night; your mustache rubbed against my skin and I imagined what it would feel like between my legs, the insides of my thighs. As I'm writing this I swear I can feel your rough beard on my skin now, rubbing me raw in all the right places.

He placed his hand over his mouth as he licked his lips. He coyly adjusted himself, suddenly feeling uncomfortable in his jeans. Her word had his blood racing. She was thinking about him like this? Maybe all hope wasn't lost between them.

He crouched over, feeling the lust cramping his gut. He didn't want to get aroused in the middle of bustling town square. He quickly continued to read the letter. Not wanting to miss a single detail.

I just came back from Maria's birthday party. You dropped me off. I just fingered myself thinking about you. I'm drunk writing this, but you probably already know that.

You're really fucking cool…and hot. A silver fox.

He laughed as his body shuddered. He thought about the implications of her leaving the last part in. She wasn't shying away from her attraction to him. She made him feel wanted and desired. Even men needed validation every once in awhile.

He wasn't the only one who got themselves off last night.

He saw her finish the letter by simply signing her name.

He cleared his throat and blinked away tears, folding the letter neatly back into his jean pocket to read again later.

Her letter touched him deeply. If her first letter was this good he couldn't wait for whatever else she had in store.

He saw her walking up the pathway with Matty in a stroller. He quickly pulled himself up from the bench and straightened himself up. She deserved a proper hello after that letter.

She had a flustered look upon her face as she approached him. Hopefully his letter affected her in the same way. Judging by the grin on her face; it did a hell of a good job.

She securely stopped the stroller and walked over to him. She leaned up and cupped the back of his neck. She pressed her lips against his firmly, mumbling against his lips,'You have a way with words.'

He smirked against her mouth,'I could say the same for you.' He placed his hands on her waist, whispering,'You think about me, huh?'

She met his gaze as she pressed kisses to the corner of his mouth. They didn't use their tongues, but didn't shy away from each other either.

'I think about you all the time, Joel.' She pressed a kiss against the dimple on his chin, whispering admittedly,'I meant every word in my letter.'

'So did I.' He nodded,'Gonna make good on those words too.'

'I'm gonna hold ya to it, stud.' She smirked,'I looked forward to hearing about some more of those little ideas of yours too. Something tells me you have plenty.'

He laughed and shook his head as he gently squeezed her waist,'Darlin, ya got no idea.'