Mistake
Chapter 26
One of the things that Katie had requested was a bit of sight-seeing in New Orleans. It was not Mike's favorite thing to do and was more in Maddie's wheelhouse as a NOLA native, but he needed to spend the time with Katie before she went back to Mississippi. So, he took her around to get beignets and to look at architecture.
There was a distance between them and Mike wasn't sure it would ever be better, but she did love Hannah and Billy, which meant she would still be a part of his world. He just selfishly wanted a relationship with her, but that ship had probably sailed, about the same time the James left for the Arctic. As they ate their beignets, Mike decided to bring it up.
"I was hoping that you would come here for the Holidays." Mike remarked.
"Maybe." Katie said as she looked around the restaurant.
"It would mean a lot to me." Mike said simply.
"Why? You never wanted me around before. Why now?" Katie said.
"I don't know where you got that idea." Mike answered.
"Dad, you only put up with me because it was important to Mom. She isn't here now. I'll stay in touch with Hannah because she has her own phone but I don't foresee us having much of a relationship ever." Katie answered. It hurt.
"Did Maddie tell you about the dreams I was having?" Mike asked.
"Yeah. Its weird because I can't imagine I ever meant that much to you." Katie remarked.
"I think that is why I had those dreams. Not because you didn't mean that much. You did. It was because I regretted a lot where you were concerned. I always will. But, the dreams gave me a chance to say the things I needed to, but I still need to say them to you. I'm sorry. I regret what I did and didn't do. I love you. I loved you then. But…Katie; I promise, there will be a day you regret this too. Not because you did anything wrong then. But by not letting all that pain and anger go, you will continue it and will have regrets of your own some day. Hannah has made several comments about what your mom would want. What do you think she would want?" Mike asked.
"She would want us to fix all this." Katie admitted quietly.
"I was always a little jealous of the relationship you and your mom had. She understood you." Mike replied.
"I miss her." Katie said. Mike reached over and squeezed her hand.
"I do too, honey." Mike said.
"But you've moved on?" Katie remarked.
"I have and I love Maddie, but I spent a lot of years with your mom. Had four children with her. It's a very intimate connection. I remember, the day you were born. She was terrified of being a mom. Figured she would do something wrong. Had not had the best parents. But she was a natural. I remember watching her hold you. She looked so serene. I remember wanting to hold you but your mom kind of hogged you for the first few hours. I only got my chance once she fell asleep." Mike told her with a smile.
"I never knew that." Katie said.
"It never came up. My point is—even though your connection with your mom was stronger, it didn't mean that I loved you less." Mike remarked.
"Do you remember taking me fishing when I was younger? I always liked those days because it was one of the few things you and I did together." Katie said.
"I do. I loved those days. We could go again." Mike suggested.
"Do you actually want to do that?" Katie asked.
"I do. Katie…I want this fixed. I don't want a relationship with you that I only see you and talk to you when Hannah or Billy has something significant going on. I want to be the one you call when you're tired or stressed. When you meet someone, I want to make sure he is good enough for you. I want to complain about the cost of your wedding and walk you down the aisle. I want to wait for your babies to be born and hold them and spoil them." Mike explained.
"That's what Mom would have wanted to." Katie said.
"And what do you want?" Mike asked, almost scared of her answer.
"I am tired of being angry. I love my life in Antioch and I want to go back there, but I also want to be a part of this. And I think that means forging some sort of peace with you." Katie said.
"You can still have a relationship with Hannah, Billy and even Maddie and the new baby without me, but I would a lot rather be involved." Mike said.
"How do we do this?" Katie asked.
"We…do this. We talk. We go fishing. When you go back to Antioch, I take you and see your life there. We talk on the phone and text. There will be times its hard, but it will be worth it." Mike explained.
"Okay." Katie said in a shaky voice.
"Okay." Mike repeated. He squeezed Katie's hand and smiled at her, knowing it was actually tougher for her. Mike knew he loved his daughter. Katie had a choice to make, but Mike was determined that it was going to work out.