13: Reflections

It wasn't cold, Rikku decided. It was damn cold. Shivering, she pulled the thin brown cloak around her shoulders and squinted against the light that bounced across the snow.

"I'm freezin' my balls off!" Jecht muttered, huddling next to her. The wind was much too harsh to risk baring her tender gums to its cutting bite; instead, Rikku settled on scowling at him from under the lip of her collar. Even Braska looked uncomfortable, hugging his arms around himself against the bitter cold. Auron alone seemed comfortable in the chilly weather; it may have been the layers of clothing he deemed necessary to wear, or perhaps it was pride that kept him stiff.

Or maybe his face froze into that scowl, Rikku thought, jealous of the thick coat that covered both of Auron's arms. Al Bhed and snow definitely did not mix. She was half-tempted to tap into the power of her garment grid; one of her outfits might afford her more protection than the flimsy miniskirt and thin cloak which she clutched to her throat. The disastrous result of her last experiment with the garment grid was enough motivation to dissuade her, though.

The wind howled, and a few crystals of ice fell off of Rikku's braids. Barely, she amended, fingering her belt. Still weighing the disadvantage of irritating her companions against the benefit of not having to amputate frostbitten appendages, Rikku didn't notice when their small procession stopped. She pitched into Jecht and they both nearly fell into the snow.

"Oww! Watch it!" Jecht wasn't much better off than she; he had ripped his own cloak apart to cobble together makeshift moccasins for his bare feet, and as a result the remaining fabric was much too short to keep him warm. In a feeble attempt to stretch what little clothing he did wear, Jecht had slung the straps of his overalls over his chest. It made his appearance even more similar to his son than before, and as he swore and stumbled at their collision, Rikku was much too cold and tired to think about the apology that came tumbling out of her mouth.

"Oh, sorry, Tidus."

She didn't notice when Jecht froze and stared at her; she completely missed the dawning look of suspicion and disbelief on his face, which hardened quickly into determination. Nor did she realize her mistake when Auron called them to gather around and pointed out the small travel agency by the side of the path. She was too busy marvelling over the fact that it was Auron who stopped first. By the time her sluggish brain caught up with her mouth, they were ensconced within the warm building and Jecht appeared unaffected by her slip, busy warming his feet at the table nearest to the fireplace. Shrugging to herself, Rikku slipped out of her dampening cloak and joined Auron and Braska at the clerk's desk.

"We rest here," Auron told them. Braska nodded in agreement, his face pinched and weary from the long hike.

"That will be 650 gil," the desk clerk said officiously, frowning at Rikku. The Agency had yet to fall into Rin's hands, let alone O'aka's - it was actually more of a Summoner's way station than a shop, at the present time, one that was being run out of the Church of Yevon's own pockets. It showed; as the sneering clerk quoted his price, Rikku realized a moment too late that unmasking her shock of blonde hair and green eyes was not the wisest of manoeuvers. The price was exorbitant, and she opened her mouth to protest.

The stern glance Auron shot at her did little to quell her anger, but the weary slump of Braska's shoulders lodged the complaint in her throat. She shut her mouth and backed away from the countertop, realizing that the high price was, in some regard, her fault. A flush deeper than that brought about by the cold stained her cheeks; she wondered what Auron would have to say to her once they were in private. Seating herself by Jecht at the table instead, she tried to warm up.

"They better sell some goddamn shoes here," Jecht mumbled, inspecting one of his toenails. The instant they had entered an area with something more than sub-freezing temperatures, Jecht's makeshift shoes came off. The skin on the bottom of his feet was scarred and calloused; Rikku wondered if he could feel anything through his soles at all.

"I don't think we'll have a lot of money left after tonight to buy shoes, let alone anything else," she said in a small voice.

"Great. Didn't really need those toes anyway," Jecht answered, his humor only mildly improved by the change in environment. He pulled a face as he heard Auron's voice lift enough to reach them. The shopkeeper was gesturing at their table, and Auron's expression was frostier than the weather outside. Her ears burned as she figured out what they were arguing about, and she pulled the hood of her damp cloak up over her braids.

"Don't worry so much about it," she heard Jecht say gruffly. He pulled the hood away from her. "Big red and ugly won't let 'em turn you out."

Rikku felt a rush of appreciation for Jecht's words and snuck another glance at the counter. Braska was speaking now, trying to placate the clerk while Auron stood to his side like a slab of granite. An intimidating, sword-wielding slab of granite. It was comforting to know that the reason for his behavior was her own safety. Well, and Jecht's safety too, if she wanted to be honest; then again, as she watched Jecht contort to pick between his toes, she preferred to think she was the deciding factor in the equation.

Auron's always protecting me, Rikku thought with another twinge of warmth. The last time she visited Macalania on a Pilgrimage, it had been just as cold. When Brother attacked, Auron stood between them. The iron in his calm voice had bolstered her, allowing her to find the strength to stand up against her people. Afterwards, his curt demand for assistance with the machina had shielded her against Wakka's heated words.

It was then that her crush started, Rikku realized. He had been silent as they rode together towards the temple. She'd wrapped her arms around his waist and cowered behind his bulk to shield herself from the cutting wind. Even with the thick red coat between them, he'd been tense, just as upset with her as he was with Wakka. It was because her family coordinated the attacks on the Summoners and threatened Yuna's Pilgrimage. The warmth of his strong words against Brother had bled away with the cold breeze; it wasn't until Auron defended her again at the temple, despite his annoyance, that her fascination transformed into something deeper.

He wasn't just guarding Yuna. Both she and Tidus fell under his care, rough as it was; with a slight hitch of disappointment she understood now that it wasn't any sort of sign that he returned her own blossoming feelings. Auron was simply Auron - staunch defender of those who needed protection. Though he would be loathe to admit it, his actions always spoke of a code of honor much louder than his rough words.

The more Rikku thought about it, the more disenchanted she became. Strange, how revisiting Macalania now of all times was shedding new light on one of her most treasured memories. She'd based her obsession with the Legendary Guardian on her gratitude, when he acted as her knight in shining armor. Now, it seemed more and more like Rikku had, once again, overreacted to a much simpler explanation for his behavior - Auron was being himself.

"Maybe I came all this way for nothing..." She shivered. Was all she really had just shadows and impossible girlish fantasies? Rikku looked towards the counter and froze. Auron's stance hadn't shifted, but his eyes were now trained on her. He quirked an eyebrow, as if she was broadcasting her thoughts across her face.

Do I even like him? Rikku asked herself, meeting his stare without any hostility. Am I in love with him, or a reflection of him that I created? She continued to gawk and Auron's eyebrow rose higher, questioning her scrutiny. Rikku grimaced and stuck her tongue out, and Auron's bordering-on-curious look descended into a scowl of disapproval.

Sure, he's hotter now than he ever was when he was... uh, dead, Rikku thought. But he's still the same Auron I remember. He doesn't like me; he protects me. It wasn't enough. Not enough to base her fantasies on, and certainly not enough to justify being trapped in the past, reliving a hell that she had thought was over and done with. She tilted her chin at Auron in dismissal and faced the fire, her mouth pulled into a fierce frown.

"Trouble in paradise?" Jecht chuckled. "Better look out. He's comin' this way!"

Rikku cringed but ignored him, staring stubbornly into the fire even when Auron arrived. Her aloof vigil was harder to keep when he used her own tactics; he leaned closer and the edges of his red overcoat brushed against her arm.

"You have been irritable ever since we entered Lake Macalania," Auron stated. He waited for her response, but Rikku clenched her teeth together. She heard him sigh before continuing. "Rikkma, what is the matter?"

Wondering if he was asking out of concern or duty, Rikku decided she didn't care. This man she was beginning to know would throw himself - in fact already had thrown himself - in front of fiends to save any member of their little entourage, herself included. Now, instead of making her blush with pleasure, the idea of him defending her was annoying - a confirmation that she didn't know Auron as well as she thought she did. Still, it wasn't fair to be taking out her sour temper on this Auron; he couldn't even know what he had "done" to annoy her besides be himself.

"Hnn," she heard him grunt before she could formulate a suitable response. "Sulking like a child because you were careless enough to be recognized by Yevon's faithful. In case you haven't noticed, it's not going to get any easier." The last he delivered with disdainful bite. "Stop worrying. Braska has managed to reach an agreement with our host."

The contrite words Rikku had been thinking of saying were drowned in a rising wave of indignation. "That's not it," she said, narrowing her eyes at Auron. "Overeager Yevonites don't scare me at all. Stop trying to protect me like I'm some little kid!"

Auron stared at her, his face a mask. The slab of granite was reforming. "Fine. Sleep outside, then." He stepped away and seated himself at the table across from Jecht, who glanced between them.

"Whoa, Blondie! Auron was just tryin' to help out there. What's eatin' ya now?"

Rikku drew her knees up and dropped her chin onto them. "Umm... sorry. I guess the cold makes me snappy," she fibbed. "Thanks for talking to the innkeeper for me," she added, peering in Auron's direction.

"Thank you for that overflowing expression of gratitude," Auron replied acidly, not bothering to look up from the small menu he grabbed off the center of the table. Rikku stifled a smile; she'd actually affected Auron with her snub. He had, after all, been working the clerk over for her benefit, and she was being less than grateful for his efforts.

Her eyes settled on the top of his head, travelling along the skin that was, to her, odd-looking - a little too smooth and free of scars. His face was contorted with the faint traces of a scowl that hinted at his own bad temper.

Who is this angry young man sitting here? The telltale traces of annoyance would have been much harder to spot on his older face; the Auron she'd known in the past didn't require acknowledgement of his efforts - he simply acted. His younger self, sullenly perusing the menu, didn't have quite the same measure of self-control or maddening serenity that she was used to seeing.

Hah, when he's pouting like this he kinda reminds me of Gippal, Rikku concluded with a smirk. Then she felt a bit of guilt; there'd been no time to spare a thought for her friend and one-time crush since her trip to the Farplane.

Curious, she began to compare the two men in her head, studying Auron as he flipped a page. Gippal had the bigger ego, even with young Auron's brazen attitude. And it was an attitude; the status of Legendary Guardian allowed people to assume Auron had the right to carry on the way he did. This Auron, by comparison, had no such reputation yet still displayed the same gruff behavior. That was where the similarity ended. Auron had more eyes and less smiles than Gippal. And Auron didn't flirt with everything that moved, unless you counted being threatened by his massive sword as courtship.

Growing aware of her observation, Auron looked up from his menu. He frowned at her and Rikku shrugged. "I'm people watching right now. So it's you or Jecht."

As if to prove her point, Jecht lifted his foot towards his nose and sniffed. "I think my feet actually got cleaner from walkin' through that forest," he told them.

Auron twitched. "Find a new target," he said to Rikku, rising to his feet. "I need to see Braska about our meal." He returned to the counter, menu still in hand.

Rikku watched him go. Well, he's got a better butt than Gippal too. Her quiet giggle died out. Thinking about Gippal, no matter how amusing it was, also brought back thoughts of her home, and what she had lost in returning to the past.

Did I ever give him a real chance? Rikku knew she was uncharitable when it came to Gippal's light-hearted advances; though she had developed a crush on him early on, she knew him well enough to stay away from the risk a playboy would pose to her heart. Now, however, isolated from the possibility of seeing him again, she wondered if that had been wise. The more she understood the flaws in her idealized vision of Auron, the more foolish it seemed to have given up on the could-have-beens. Who was to say Gippal would have hurt her? Rikku stared into the fire, distracted, and let the memory of the sun-washed sands of Bikanel warm her.

.x.x.x.

"Hey, Cid's girl, what're you staring at?" Gippal's teeth flashed in the sun, a stark white against his bronzed skin. There was a daring twinkle in his eyes - and he had both of them still, back then - that Rikku knew spelled trouble; more so if he realized she'd been mooning over him.

"It's Rikku!" she shot back, sticking her lower lip out in a pout. In an unusual rush of bravery, Rikku decided to tell him the truth. "And I was staring at you!"

Gippal balked, taken by surprise at her bold admission, and Rikku awaited his response. A slow, smug grin spread across his face, and he ran a hand through his hair before opening his arms wide. "The goods are right here, babe. All you gotta do is say if you want some."

It was the self-satisfied smirk that killed it, Rikku decided then. "Sorry," she answered back with more confidence than she felt. I won't be another one of your conquests, she wanted to say. But she couldn't, because she could never be honest with Gippal. You never knew when it would come back to haunt you. Gippal was notoriously good at finding ways to embarrass her, and her heart was the one thing she refused to risk for his personal amusement.

So instead, she returned his smirk with one of her own and thumbed her nose at him. "I was just thinking you make an awfully convincing sand monkey with your hair spiked up like that. Monkey boy!"

Had she only imagined his smirk faltering at that statement? Did his eyes lose some of their twinkle? She couldn't have said, because in the next instant his smile was predatory, and he was stalking after her with one of the dirty rags, splattered with machina grease. "Well, if I'm a sand monkey, then you must be a grease monkey!" he yelled as he tackled her.

She screamed in delight, and they wrestled and laughed like the children they were. In a way, she was glad, because the mock-battle that ensued hid the flaming spots that rode high on her cheeks.

.x.x.x.

Rikku shook off the memory as the hairs on the back of her neck rose. Refocusing on her surroundings, she saw Jecht picking at his toes, Braska at the counter, and Auron reseating himself at their table, studying the menu as though it held the secrets of the universe. Rikku's gaze lingered on the latter, her mind still caught up in the hazy dream of desert sands.

Could she love Gippal the way she thought she loved Auron? The two men were polar opposites, with the exception of their missing eye. Auron was moody and brooding, in his element surrounded by cold snow rather than warm sunlight. His skin was as pale as his hair was dark; Rikku was sure she had only seen his teeth when he bared them in a grimace, like a wild animal preparing to bite its prey.

Compared with him, Gippal's easy smile and carefree attitude seemed boyish and immature. Feeling relieved by her conclusion, Rikku let out a tiny sigh. Maybe I could fall in love with Gippal in about 40 years. That's probably how long it would take him to grow up! The thought of Gippal as an old man, posing crazily on one leg and leering at younger women made her giggle.

" 'ey. You've got that weird look on your face again."

Rikku noticed Jecht scrutinizing her. "Weird look?"

"Yeah," Jecht answered. "Y'know, the one that means you can't be thinkin' anything good."

Rikku blinked. Her face really was an open book if even an illiterate like Jecht could read it. "Well, uh..." Maybe honesty was the best policy in this case. "... yeah! You're right! If I tell you all about my nefarious plans, Auron's gonna have to kill us both, and he's already in a bad mood."

Rather than discouraging Jecht as she had hoped, the spark of curiosity took root and turned into a flame. "Naw, see, now you gotta tell."

"Oh, poopie," Rikku muttered under her breath. "Fine. I was thinking about..." She sucked in her breath and stole a glance at Auron, who had looked up from the menu at the sound of his name. The eyebrow was slowly creeping upwards again, but at least he wasn't scowling at her. Yet.

"... older men. I think I'm attracted to older men." Well, it was the truth. She could say it with a straight face and Auron wouldn't be able to accuse her of lying. Technically, she wasn't. And, it conveniently explained why she couldn't convince herself to take her attraction to Gippal seriously. That was a comforting thought. "Yeah, that must be it! I like older men. That's why I can't get along with Gippal." A movement caught her eye; Auron had dropped his menu onto the table. A quick glance to the side showed that Jecht was also staring.

"You like older men?" Jecht said gleefully, his eyes wide as saucers.

"Gippal?" Auron asked.

Rikku felt the blush that had been lurking near the surface explode to her cheeks. I said that out loud? Holy machina, who needs to read my face when I have this motor mouth?

"Nevermind! Forget I said anything!" Rikku squeaked, making a spectacle of fussing with her braids.

The damage was done, and the smile creeping across Jecht's face could have rivalled one of Gippal's any day. "How much older?" he asked. " 'Cause the way you were starin' at Auron back there makes me think you're lyin'..."

If it was possible to rupture blood vessels with a blush, Rikku was sure she would be dying of internal bleeding. "How do you know I wasn't staring at Braska, huh?" she asked, crossing her arms and deliberately looking away from Auron.

"Were you?" Auron's voice was serious, and despite Jecht's snigger Rikku couldn't keep her eyes from flying to Auron's face. Was he - no, he couldn't be - Auron didn't get jealous. Not in any universe. But he did look like he was ready to murder something. Most likely her, if she didn't answer him soon.

"Ewww, no way!" Rikku blurted out. "That's gross, we're practically family!"

Deadly silence settled over the table. At least, Rikku wished it was deadly. Because then, she would actually die, and not have to live through the storm that she knew was about to break.

"What?" Auron bellowed, all pretences of the menu forgotten. Rikku's eyes widened and she tried to shush him, glancing over to the counter where both Braska and the clerk were now looking at them. The only person who remained calm and collected was Jecht; he was staring at her from half-closed eyes. For a fleeting moment, Rikku wondering what was going through the burly man's head. It was almost as though he was trying to make her drop her guard and slip up…

"Explain yourself!" Auron hissed at her, his eyes boring angry holes into her head. He was incensed at the unearthing of yet another one of her secrets. Rikku felt her skin go clammy as Braska approached their table. Would he say anything? Would Jecht say anything?

"Well," Braska said as he seated himself, oblivious to the tense conversation. "It took some convincing, but he agreed to take us in and serve us dinner for a reasonable price." His eyes drifted over them, lingering on Rikku's suddenly-pale face. "Is something wrong?"

Rikku opened her mouth, her mind still turning like a chocobo in a wheel as she tried to come up with a viable excuse. Her relief when Jecht interrupted was short lived.

"Rikkma was just sayin' somethin' real interesting here," Jecht offered, smirking at her.

Rikku stared at Jecht with silent horror, pleading with her eyes to keep his big mouth shut. Or at least hypnotise him into silence; these swirls have to be good for something!

"Oh really?" Braska paused to relieve the clerk of the tankards of ale and plates of steaming soup brought to their table, handing them out to the others. "What was it?"

Rikku looked down into her bowl of clear broth, watching the blobs of grease float across its surface. She swallowed back her nausea and attempted to answer. "I - I... um, well, I -"

"She likes older men," Jecht supplied, picking up his spoon and scooping some soup into his mouth.

Rikku thought she would collapse with relief. It was temporary as she wrestled with the new dilemma that arose: why did Jecht make that save? Was it because of that slip-up I made calling him Tidus earlier? Is he angling for something? She looked at Jecht and narrowed her eyes. What's his game?

He swallowed, then gave Rikku a wink. "Auron ain't takin' it too well." And now you owe me, his mean grin seemed to say to her.

"Oh," Braska said, sparing a careful glance at Auron. A brief twist of amusement crossed his face. "Even if we are all friends here, it may be for the best if you refrain from telling us all of your preferences, Rikkma." He gave her a weary smile and picked up his spoon, and Rikku felt another wave of guilt for adding once again to Braska's problems. Strong-willed he might be, but Braska was far from accustomed to the hard travel which the Pilgrimage demanded. His face was pale and she tried not to notice how his hand shook as he ate.

Humbled into silence, Rikku dedicated herself to the task of eating the thin, greasy soup. It was too much to hope the dinner would continue that way; after a few moments, Auron dropped his spoon with a clatter.

"Rikkma," he said. "Why did you say that?"

"Hmm?" Braska paused, spoon halfway to his mouth.

Rikku laughed nervously. "Oh, you know," she fumbled, giving Auron a tight grin. "I was just pointing out how all Al Bhed are kinda related. You know us gear-heads - same hair, same eyes… we might as well all be a part of the same big family, right?"

Auron narrowed his eyes but said nothing. Braska, however, lowered his spoon and gave Rikku a hard look.

"I thought we had finished this discussion in Bevelle," he said, his voice a little too calm for Rikku's liking.

"Huh? Oh…" Shoot. She'd forgotten about Braska's stern warning the last time she'd tried to lump the Al Bhed together under one ill-fitting umbrella. "... sorry about that. I was just joking!"

Braska's hand clenched around his spoon. "I will not have you, or anyone else making such jokes in poor taste. If you cannot respect yourself, then the least you might do is show a little for my daughter and my late wife."

"Yes, my lord," Rikku said lowly, and the tense meal resumed in silence, punctuated only by the clack of spoons against the clay bowls. She hunched over her soup, masking her scowl. What a mess, she fumed, sneaking a glare at Jecht. Owe him? Yeah, right! She turned her gaze to Auron and choked on her soup.

He'd already finished eating and was resting his elbows on their table, hands folded in front of his face. He observed her closely, willing to delay pressing her on the latest revelation for Braska's sake. But, from the look on his face, not for long.

Finishing his meal, Braska pushed away from the table. "My apologies, but I am exhausted. I think I shall call it a day."

Auron stood to assist him, pausing only to lean towards Rikku. The warm rush of his breath, soured by the soup, blew into her ear. "A word before you retire," was all he said.

Rikku gulped. She swirled the remains of her meal, trying to draw it out until they were gone. Jecht cleared his throat, and Rikku started. If she stayed at the table, she would be alone with him instead - and Jecht already looked like he was planning on grilling her. Interrogation by sword or blitzball, she thought with a frustrated sigh. Groaning in defeat, Rikku excused herself and trailed after Auron.

"That one is yours, Rikkma," Braska said, pointing at one of the doors further down the hallway. "If you'll excuse me..."

"Oh! Yeah, thanks," Rikku said, distracted by Auron's scrutiny. Their silent staring contest was broken by Jecht's cough as he ambled into the room after Braska.

"We won't wait up for you," he smirked.

Auron turned his mouth down into a disapproving frown, but not even Jecht's humor could throw him off his target. Rikku squirmed.

"You're really giving him the wrong idea," she said when they were alone in the hall. Her attempt to distract Auron failed miserably. He grabbed her by the elbow and escorted her to her door.

"You are related to Braska?" he asked. His gaze was probing, but no longer angry. It was, however, stern. There would be no wriggling out of answers this evening. Not that she wouldn't try, though.

"I'm not! Not really," she said. "Not like that."

"Then why did you say it?" Auron pressed. Rikku remained silent, and she wondered if he was going to explode at her. To her surprise, he only leaned in closer. He was massive; Auron had just as much muscle as Jecht, he simply kept it hidden under his heavy robes and thick armor. "Tell me the truth, Rikku," he demanded. Her name rolled off of his lips like velvet brushing across her skin.

Rikku closed her eyes, trying to understand herself and the swell of emotions that rose when he said her name. It was a crime; it was her name. No one should have the right to say it like that; didn't he know he was stripping her of ownership just by pronouncing it in that voice of his?

"Rikku," he said again, this time with a touch of impatience. He caught her chin as she tried to twist away from him.

Warm, she thought of his unexpected touch. "I'm not related to Braska," she said, not daring to open her eyes. She tried to will away the fluttering in her belly.

Gippal never said her name like that; he spoke with sunlight and laughter. Auron murmured it like a dark secret that was threatening to swallow her whole. If I'm not in love with him, her thoughts whispered, then why do I tremble when he says my name? She would blame it on the cold, if his fingers weren't burning her so. To her relief, Auron's hand dropped away from her face, but even with her eyes closed she could feel his gaze. She knew he was waiting for the other shoe to drop.

"I'm related to Raenn," she said, so softly that it could have been mistaken for a breath, had he not been leaning in. Air brushed across her face, and then the warmth of his presence was gone. Daring to open her eyes a crack, she sighed in relief - or was it dismay - at what she saw.

"So that is who you lost…" Auron trailed off, his face distant as he processed the new information.

Rikku winced. Well… she supposed his assumption that she was broken up over Raenn's death was better than admitting she was torn because he looked uncannily like her dead non-boyfriend. She watched Auron struggle to come to terms with her latest surprise; his face looked much the same way it had when he'd discovered her connection to Brother.

He's the same person, in many ways. Scarred or not, the man before her still held an undeniable power over her heart. It was certainly hammering loud enough in her ears to be in agreement with that conclusion. Maybe, she thought to herself with a brief glimmer of hope, it doesn't matter who I thought he was, just who he is now.

True to form, Auron turned on her with a fierce scowl. "Don't think I will let this affect the Pilgrimage," were his first words to her, and she smiled at his predictability. The smile faltered as he continued to look at her; he wasn't mad. Well okay, he was mad, but not I'm-kicking-you-out-of-the-party mad, just Rikku's-gone-and-done-it-again mad. There was a hint of something beneath the surface, a struggle boiling within him.

He didn't ask how I'm related to Raenn. Even after his disgrace from Yevon, Auron still couldn't put down the animosity he felt for Cid, leader of the Al Bhed people. But it was looking more and more like it had to do with Braska's exile, rather than Yevon's doctrines. He didn't want to know how she was related to Raenn, she understood; he didn't want to hate her the way she was sure he hated Cid, the source of all Braska's hardships.

Rikku flushed; equal parts of shame and pride mixed within her. Auron was disengaging her, making the decision to keep her secrets easier, she knew, but part of her swelled in anger. Coward, she wanted to rail at him, even though she wasn't any braver. Hadn't she run from Gippal, his arms outstretched? But that was different, Rikku told herself stubbornly, ignoring the small voice in the back of her head that kept asking how? Instead she focused on Auron, who was about to leave.

"Auron..." she whispered, and he paused. Don't run away from this. Don't run away from who I am! No words came out, however, and he filled the silence for her.

"Get some rest, Rikkma." He turned and walked away.

The name left her feeling cold and alone, bereft of the warmth she felt earlier. It wasn't her name; it was the name of a stranger. Rikku guessed the Auron she remembered would never have ended the conversation where he did; the Auron she knew didn't shirk any truth, no matter how unpleasant.

The door shut behind him, leaving Rikku alone in the hallway with her own muddled feelings. She wasn't in love with the legend anymore, she was fairly sure. But no matter how she tried, she couldn't ignore the complicated man who would die protecting any of them, but still ran from himself.

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