31: Awakenings

The sun shone brightly, and somewhere overhead a seagull let out a lazy trill. Rikku smiled as a cool breeze whisked away the oppressive heat. She stretched, enjoying the feel of the wind in her face and wondered when, exactly, Brother had installed recliners on the deck of the Celsius.

Whatever. It was a good life decision, she decided, nestling back against her pillows.

A shadow fell over her, ruining the perfect moment.

"I can see you're awake, you know." She heard, rather than saw, Paine cross her arms. The older girl sighed. "Get up already."

"Why should I? I'm so tired!"

Paine's eyeroll was audible, too. "Could you please focus? You need to get back to work."

Rikku cracked an eye open, and tried to match the red glare. "Work, work, work! Don't you think I've earned a break? It's not like you guys need me around anyway – Doctor P is in the house, right?"

Paine smiled faintly and Rikku's hackles rose. Paine didn't smile.

Her face grew shadowed, backlit by the eternal twilight of the Farplane. "Everyone's good at something. My job is to break things. Yours is to put them back together." Paine's voice was changing, taking on a deeper, more masculine cadence. Her body started dissolving into pyreflies.

"Maybe you're more needed than you think."

Rikku stretched out her hand, hit by a sudden, sharp sense of loss. The silhouette stepped toward the edge of the airship's deck, and the feeling grew. "Paine?" she asked, but... it wasn't Paine she was reaching for anymore.

No, it was –

Rikku's eyes flew open, throat closing around his name.

"Are you in pain?"

Jerking backwards, she turned towards the voice. "Auron?" The room was dark, she was on a bed, and he was sitting next to her, a rare look of concern on his face.

Auron didn't sit by bedsides, waiting for people to wake up; he was more the type to beat consciousness back into them. It was confusing with the dream-image of Auron's older incarnation still fresh in her mind.

Wait, am I still dreaming? Rikku pinched herself. "Oww!" she yelped, before blowing on the reddened skin. "Yeah, I'm in pain now!"

Auron chuckled, and his probing stare faded into mild humor. "Looks like you're feeling better." He paused. "Can you stand?"

Rikku took in her surroundings. They were in a travel agency, it seemed. But they must not have spared any expense since she was resting on a bed rather than squished like a sardine between the others. Not to mention that Auron was being nice. Was he trying to butter her up for something? Some sort of bad news? She narrowed her eyes in suspicion, swung her legs out of the bed, and felt for her boots with her toes. "Is that sinspawn still waiting outside for round two thousand?"

"Don't joke about that," Auron growled.

Rikku relaxed as normality reasserted itself. "Alright, just checking," she said, bouncing to her feet. Auron caught her as her knees unexpectedly buckled. "Um, yeah, so I might need something to eat first," came her muffled amendment, her face burning to match his coat.

Auron's fingers flexed around her before he pushed her back. "Hold onto my arm," he instructed. "There's some fruit in the lobby."

They shuffled their way into the hall, Rikku shooting not-so-surreptitious glances at Auron the entire time. "I'm not made of glass, you know," she told him after a few steps. "Not that having an excuse to hold onto your arm isn't magnificent, but I'm starving. I can't even appreciate this moment because the way to my heart is being eaten open by my stomach." She frowned when he didn't crack so much as a smile, though their pace did quicken. "Hey," she said, softer, tugging on his arm. "What's wrong?"

Auron exhaled. "I need some air."

They entered the cheerily lit main hall and headed to the produce stand tucked against one corner of the reception desk. The man behind the counter gave them a brief nod while she picked out some fruits. She raised an eyebrow when Auron offered to carry them for her, guiding her towards the exit.

Chivalry wasn't dead, but its unexpected presence was surprising her into speechlessness.

"Is something wrong with you?"

Well, okay. Near speechlessness.

"We're at the Mi'ihen Highroad Travel Agency," Auron replied wearily. Despite the telltale tic of annoyance on his forehead, he still held the door open for her.

Ah. Although the building had not yet been painted in the garish colors of the Al Bhed, the simple fact that the receptionist hadn't batted an eye at Rikku's garb should have clued her in. The closer one got to Luca, the less anyone cared about identity or race; Blitzball would always be Spira's greatest unifier. The relaxed atmosphere was a welcome change, and Rikku felt herself unwinding as they stepped outside.

The sun was rising over the banked ruins of the sunken twin towers, and she smiled at the familiar sight. This was where we first found the Godhand. All of a sudden, she missed the Fahrenheit. It had been clunky and slow for an airship – Cid didn't have nearly as good a hand in tuning airships as did his children – but it had served them faithfully throughout Yuna's ordeal. Until Father turned it into a tourist transport. She scowled.

Shoving the thoughts aside, Rikku hurried towards the picturesque bluff stretching before the sea and threw herself to the ground, revelling in the feel of cool grass tickling her stomach.

Auron handed her the fruit and sat next to her, cross-legged and back ramrod straight. If he cupped his fingers above his knees, he could have started meditating.

Rikku rolled her eyes and dove into a pomegranate, fingers shucking off the thick peel. "Do you ever loosen up?" She held out a few seeds for him, and when he made no move to take them, she shoved them into his hand. "We just totally owned that Sin Fin. I think you earned a breather."

He didn't answer.

She popped a few seeds in her mouth and kicked her legs out behind her. "Mmm. These are so good! Have you tried them yet? I swear to the Godhand these must be the best tasting things in Spira!"

Auron's fingers twitched around the seeds in his palm, but he remained silent.

"Ok, maybe they aren't, but that first meal after a near-death experience always tastes the best!"

Auron crushed the seeds.

Rikku blinked and shut her mouth.

Sticky juice dribbled from between his whitened knuckles, and his face contorted in pain. "Don't joke about that," he repeated, looking at her.

Rikku cautiously wiped her hand on the grass and sat up. "Did… someone die?"

"Braska and Jecht are fine."

Her stomach unclenched, but her brow furrowed. "Then why the heck are you acting like it?"

"Many others died. And you! Running off like a fool towards death!" Auron dropped his gaze to his clenched fist. "I have never been so thankful to see Jecht exercising that same poor judgement."

Rikku pulled her knees under her chin and looked out toward the ocean. Why couldn't Auron just focus on the fact that they'd won? Her choice shouldn't matter – she'd made it and come out victorious; it hadn't even been the first time! If anything, near-death battles had been Rikku's thing since she was sixteen.

Still, she hadn't meant to cause him any pain. "As long as Sin's around, taking it on means rushing toward death 'like a fool.' As long as we fight, there's a chance I might not make it back. Worry sucks, but that's what happens when you actually care about other people," she murmured. "But thanks, I guess?"

Auron eased his hand open and began to clean it methodically. "I realized something," he told her, avoiding her eyes. "Your… costumes. They saved your life."

Rikku waited, wondering where he was going with that line and hoping fervently that it wasn't towards the Samurai dressphere.

"And yet they are machina. Technology, forbidden by Yevon."

His tone was even, but Rikku realized his confusion was more than just his feelings for her; something was fundamentally changing inside of him.

"I can't hate anything that can help us defeat Sin. That can keep you, Braska – and damn it all, even those Crusaders – safe."

He looked lost and angry, and Rikku's heart clenched.

"I know what Kinoc said to you," he admitted. "Jecht doesn't mince words." He reached into his coat, pulled out a sphere, and set it on the ground.

It buzzed to life and Auron's voice filled the air. It was the recording she had made in Bevelle, teasing Auron about his fear of machina – the one where she had accidentally captured his exchange with Kinoc for her release. Eventually, it fizzled to a stop.

"We were wrong about so many things. The teachings may have chafed, but I never thought to question them until Braska came. Afterwards, I believed Mika was making too many mistakes, but even still, the tenants were my guide. The path may have become rockier, but my way was clear." Auron looked at her. "You've muddied the waters."

Rikku grinned, unapologetic. "I hear we Al Bhed like mud. Maybe it's not all that bad, getting your hands a little dirty."

Auron returned her smile with a faint one of his own. "Perhaps." He looked at the sphere before them, and then scooped it up. "I do know one thing. This is no longer a memory I wish to keep." He tossed it towards the ocean, where it hit the water with a soft plunk. Auron watched it wash away as though he were saying goodbye. His expression was stoic, but the corners of his eyes were pinched – his only tell for the feelings he struggled with. Still, there was also something more settled – determined, even – in his posture.

Rikku dug into her small collection of fruit – she was still hungry, damn it, no matter what emotional operas might be playing out in Auron's head. As she ate, she tried to give him as much privacy as possible.

Fortunately, Auron returned from his head-trip before it got too awkward. "There's something else," he said.

Rikku froze, then casually turned and spat a seed out of her rapidly drying mouth. "Yeah, so about that dressphere," she began.

Auron blinked, confusion stealing over his expression for a second, before it was replaced by mild irritation. "Not that," he cut her off. "Frankly, Braska and I were wondering who would next suffer for your costumes. Now I owe him 10 gil." Sarcasm leaked into his tone. "Thank you for that, by the way." He smirked as Rikku floundered. "I meant when you ran off. I didn't agree with your choice." He uncrossed his legs and clasped his hands, leaning forward. "I was angry that you didn't consult me first."

Rikku coughed. "I could tell. You just overkilled those poor pomegranate seeds, you know?"

Auron shook his head and chuckled. "No. I was angry with myself. You have the right to live or die as you see fit. It's just… I had been relying on the belief that you weren't capable of sacrificing everything for sake of this Pilgrimage."

"What the – !" She socked him in the arm. "What do you mean, 'Not capable of it?' Isn't that what you've been scolding me for from day one? What the heck!" She fumed, ripping up patches of innocent vegetation and flinging them at Auron's head.

To his credit, he didn't attempt to dodge the onslaught, eyes rolling.

Only once he was sufficiently coated in clumps of grass did her temper begin to wane. "You better have a really good point before I make you follow that sphere," she muttered.

Shaking a few tufts from his hair, Auron sighed. "I have no right to feel sullen about your choice simply because…" He trailed off and turned his head away, mumbling something.

"Oh, no you don't, Buster!" Rikku yelled, grabbing his head with both hands, and forcing him to meet her gaze. "You're not getting off that easy! Spill!"

To her surprise, his eyes were filled with warmth. His own hand reached for the back of her neck, trapping her with a gentle grip. "Because you infuriate me by forcing me to notice you. Because I now look forward to each day with something like anticipation instead of dread. Because you are making this journey bearable." He paused and drew her in. "Because you are you."

Despite the herd of stampeding chocobos demanding be let out of her chest, she managed to say, "You know you love me!"

"That's what I'm afraid of," Auron replied, before kissing her.

She melted. Auron's kiss was slow and measured, but all the more intense for it. And he was a really good kisser. Did he have practice? Had someone else gotten to his lips first?

Shut up, brain.

He kissed her like she was the rising sun itself. It was a kiss filled with warmth and joy and belonging.

His hand moved to the nape of her neck. He snagged a braid and tilted her head back, deepening the kiss. If not for his warm hands and insistent lips anchoring her, Rikku felt she would scatter like motes of light dancing across the water.

Reluctantly, she pulled away, before resting her forehead against his. She closed her eyes for a moment and just breathed.

I was wrong. It was so clear now; the truth of his kiss burned away the last remaining delusions of her past. What did a sixteen-year-old girl, still smarting from the loss of her home and family, know about love? She'd latched on to the first thing that had seemed kind and real – and that was ironic, considering Auron had been nothing more than pyreflies, bitterness, and willpower.

Rikku's breath caught, and some of the magic evaporated.

Auron's thumb gently traced along her earlobe, sending another shiver down her spine.

This Auron was full of flaws, clumsy and fumbling in his attempts to demonstrate his feelings for her. But that didn't matter. Even knowing what the future held did little to dampen the strength of her own response. Rikku wanted to travel by his side, wanted to be the one who pulled a smile onto his solemn face, and wanted to help him carry the burden of his destiny.

Because this imperfect, sharp-edged man before her was her friend, not her idol.

"I'm sorry," he murmured. "Am I assuming too much?"

"Stupid," she whispered with a smile, not sure if she was talking to herself or Auron. I didn't know anything. She opened her eyes. "Don't be so dense. I really do, you know." She swallowed. "I love – "

Auron's lips silenced her before she could finish. After an achingly short moment, he pulled away and shook his head. "Not yet. I can't blindly throw myself onto your altar." He leaned back, far enough to stop her from seeking another kiss. "Not directly after falling from Yevon's."

The admission cut slightly, tainting the glorious moment with a bitter aftertaste. "You can still kiss me anyway, you know."

He huffed in amusement. "Opportunistic as always."

Rikku grinned, reaching out to brush some grass from his hair. "I can't promise we won't hurt each other, but sometimes a little pain is worth it." Bumping his shoulder, she grabbed another fruit and and offered it to Auron. He took it from her with a smile. They sat there for a while longer, continuing to eat and watching the sun climb higher.

Auron broke the silence when the beginnings of the midday heat started tipping into uncomfortable warmth. "Jecht's turning into a better Guardian than the rest of us." He let out a wry laugh. "Untrained as he is, he has never hesitated to throw himself to our defense."

"That's because he doesn't understand," Rikku pointed out. "Jecht still thinks we're on some journey to become superstars, complete with fame and commercial sponsorships." She eyed Auron. "He deserves to know."

He tensed. "That is still Lord Braska's call."

"You think we should tell him too, don't you?"

"What Braska wants, he gets. This is also something we have no right to decide on our own."

Rikku discarded the last of her fruit, appetite vanishing. So, to Auron, Braska's desires trumped Jecht's ignorance. She tried to remind herself – he didn't know Jecht was also marching towards his own fate, one which was, in many ways, worse than a simple death. "I still think we should tell him something," she protested. "At least about Zanarkand. He's earned that."

"What more can we do? Jecht already knows Zanarkand is a thousand-year-old ruin." Auron shrugged. "He simply refuses to believe it."

"He still thinks Braska is going to be able find him a way back." And he still thinks he's from our Spira, she added with a pang of guilt. "I hate lying to him."

Auron frowned. "As do I. But what would come of telling him the truth? To reveal to him so shortly after our hard-won victory that Braska is going to die – and that he will still be stranded here – would be no kindness."

Rikku hung her head. It was a pretty good point; nobody sane would taint a victory celebration with a suicide-in-progress. Well, maybe all those undead Maesters of Yevon would enjoy something like that; Seymour had thought death was a great excuse to host a wedding.

Still, this was Jecht. He wasn't dead. He's just not real.

Tainting a victory celebration with an existential crisis didn't sound much better, for that matter.

"Maybe you're right," Rikku groused, tousling her hair. "We should just let sleeping fiends lie." She leaned her chin on her palm. "Hopefully, they won't bite us in the butts too badly when they wake up."

"If we cannot give him honesty, perhaps sincerity will do instead." Auron looked down at her, his expression serious. "I have been wrong about many things. I told Kinoc his behavior was shameful, but even he was there when we needed him." He turned back to the ocean. "I've always labeled Jecht as an irresponsible fool, but perhaps that label is meant for me, instead. I should talk to Jecht as a friend, rather than a mentor. I owe him that much."

She stared at Auron. "This battle really shook you, huh? The way you were slinging out commands, I guessed you used to do stuff like this every day before breakfast! But, maybe not?"

Auron's eyes danced with humor. "Maybe I did." His almost-smile dropped into a more thoughtful expression. "It's not the fighting. Fighting is what I do best. Having comrades – no, friends – that I care for…" He trailed off. "This is uncharted territory."

Bolstered by a sudden sense of euphoria, Rikku scrambled to her feet and dusted her skirt off. "Alright!" she cheered. "Let's do this, then! I'll help you show Jecht the power of friendship!"

He cringed.

"Although, I think Jecht's ahead of the game on this one. I mean, he already asked you to lend him money."

Auron rubbed his temples. His forehead was doing that thing again. Did he know it could get stuck like that?

"On second thought, it might be best if I attempt this alone."

"Aww, phooey! This is exciting! You're getting in touch with your feelings!"

"Don't gloat too much. We're still going fiend hunting later today." He fixed her with a glare that said, I have a very large sword and I'm not afraid to use it on you.

Fine by me. Rikku tried not to bounce in place. It was amazing – just one kiss and she was already shifting Auron's threats into dirty promises.

Auron looked at her strangely. She giggled. "Uh, right. Go spend some quality time man-bonding with Jecht, and I'll keep Braska busy!"

Auron scowled, before managing a neutral hum of agreement.

Looks like I'm not the only one crashing face-first into the gutter after that kiss, she thought smugly, before the truth of it hit her. She blushed. "Uh. I mean, I'll just hang out with him. You know. Not. Uh. Bonding." She realized her hands were mimicking helpful gestures of what bonding could imply and dropped them. Can my face get any redder?

Auron looked as though he couldn't decide between throttling her or laughing.

She spun towards the travel agency with more than a little manic desperation. "Yeah! So where are they, anyway?"

Auron sighed. "Braska stayed behind to perform the Sending for the fallen crusaders." Rikku's nervous excitement deflated. "Jecht stayed with him to watch. They should be returning soon." He paused. "Even Kinoc couldn't deny his own soldiers. Not after Braska summoned three aeons to their defense. I wonder how the Church is going to spin this battle."

Rikku thought of the solemn stone figures lining the interior of the thunder temple. "So this is how Braska became the Champion of Djose, huh?"

Auron snorted. "Champion of Djose? That does sounds like something Mika would concoct. What more clever way to mask a band of misfits than to label them heroes." He shrugged. "Who knows, they may even build him a statue." He tilted his head.

"What? What is it?" Rikku asked, before she heard it too: the unmistakable sound of chocobos coming from the direction of Mushroom Rock Road.

"I think that's them," Auron said, moving towards the agency's corral.

Braska and Jecht soon came into view, each riding a chocobo. Braska was in his full uniform, helmet included. Jecht followed him, looking unusually subdued.

"Hey, guys!" Rikku called out, waving.

Though Braska waved back, obviously relieved to see her up and about, Jecht ignored her greeting. She felt a twinge of worry, approaching Jecht as he stabled his chocobo. "Hey, are you alright?"

"It was Jecht's first time witnessing a Sending," said Braska as he joined them, removing his helmet to wipe some sweat from his forehead.

"I never wanna see that again," Jecht grunted. "How can you stand it?"

Braska dipped his head. "I stand it because I must. As long as Sin remains, there will always be a need for summoners to perform the Sending. I admit, I do not enjoy it either. The ceremony has become a necessity much too frequently of late."

"Thirty years is a long time," Auron agreed, joining them. "One of the longest. Sin grows more powerful when it continues unchecked. I can only hope our battle slowed it down somewhat."

Jecht crossed his arms, frowning. "Thirty years is one of the longest times between summoners beatin' this thing up?" He canted his head to one side. "So, you're sayin' no matter how hard you put the smack down, Sin gets back up? You ever consider you gotta problem with your strategy?"

"All the time!" Rikku blurted, fixing an accusing glare onto Braska.

But Braska only shook his head minutely.

"Jecht, forget about it." Auron cut in. "You and I need to discuss something more important. Inside." He traded a long look with Rikku before turning away.

"Fine. I'm goin', alright! Better than crackin' my head on this mess," Jecht muttered as he stalked away.

Right, my turn. Think pure thoughts! Rikku faced Braska, who was now petting his chocobo. "So…" she began, stubbing her toe in the dirt. "That was pretty hard on Jecht, but are you alright? I mean, the battle was tough for you, too, and then you had to perform a Sending after!"

Braska's hands stilled. "I must become stronger," he said carefully. "I know the crusaders will paint this as a victory, but I still failed." He looked over at Rikku with a tired smile. "In the end, it was the three of you who defeated the Sinspawn, not I. At least I was able to earn enough of the soldiers' respect to Send their fallen."

Rikku ground her teeth, suddenly furious. "You shouldn't have to earn anyone's respect! You're a summoner! Isn't it enough that you're going to die for those ingrates?" The unfairness of it all burned. This man, who was loved and idolized in her time, was facing nothing but hurt and rejection in his own. "You haven't failed. You're not a failure!"

"Thank you, Rikku," Braska replied, after a long moment. "I am glad you believe that."

That was a total brush-off! Stomping over to him, Rikku pushed Braska away from his chocobo. "I'm over here," she said. "That bird doesn't hold the secrets of the Farplane in its feathers. You could at least look at me and try to listen!"

Braska held up his hands in defense. "I am listening – "

"No! No, you're not!" Rikku pulled at her hair. "You summoned three aeons in a row! Do you know how incredible that is? And you still managed to save our lives afterwards with your magic!" She flailed, trying to drive her point home.

Braska caught her hands and forced them to still. "I couldn't let you die," he told her, expression intense.

Rikku's neck prickled uncomfortably, and she shook her hands free. "I'm just saying: believe in yourself a little more." Her face was burning. "Umm, but maybe I should just… y'know," she stuttered, thumbing her way in a random direction that was anywhere except here.

A look of confusion crossed Braska's features. "...You want to muck out the stables?"

Rikku turned her head to face the enormous pile of chocobo manure and straw she had been pointing to. "I give up," she groaned, sagging in defeat.

Braska started snickering, trying to hide the sounds behind a poorly engineered cough. Well, at least the tension was broken.

"Walk with me, Rikku," he told her, a smaller, but thankfully real, smile returning to his face. "I told you I wouldn't let my feelings come between you and Auron. I am happy for the two of you, truly." They ambled down the path circling the building. "There is no illness quite like the pain of the heart," he told her. "I have already succumbed to it once before. It was my greatest teacher."

He leaned down to pluck a flower that was growing by the side of the road. "It showed me that every moment of life is precious." He studied the petals, and then tucked the wildflower behind her ear. "Life in Spira is too short to hesitate when your heart speaks to you." His smile broadened, as if he knew a great secret. "Even the pain of rejection is something I welcome." He dropped his hands and backed away.

As Braska gave her some space, Rikku had to wonder… just what sort of woman had her aunt been to have so completely captured his complicated heart? Whatever Raenn had done resonated with Braska completely, even now.

Rikku toyed with the flower. Would she and Auron ever share that depth of feeling?

"Allow yourself to grasp love," Braska continued, resuming their stroll. "If your path leads to Auron, so be it. Live while you can. Smile despite Sin, and know that what you are doing is right." Strong words for a supposed follower of Yevon's conservative teachings. No wonder Mika had all but excommunicated him.

Rikku couldn't help herself. "But what about you? You're already taking on responsibility for the entire world. You expect me to be okay with making that harder? That's not fair! When do you get to live?" She clenched her hands into fists.

Braska spread his arms. "If love is to know joy, then grief is to know ecstasy. Without the extremes of our feelings, we may as well already be dead."

Rikku hung her head, unable to counter his point.

Sensing the heavy mood, Braska shook himself and started back towards the travel agency. "What exactly did Auron wish to speak to Jecht about?" he asked, tone light.

Hmm. That was about as subtle as Brother mooning after Yuna. A rampaging shoopuf would've been less obvious, but Rikku could appreciate the subject change. Even if he was trying to ply her for information about Auron's discussion with Jecht.

Too bad Auron's such a stickler for Braska's rules, Rikku pouted. "Yeah, about that… we figured Jecht deserved a little more of the truth than we've been letting on. He nearly died, you know!"

Dismay clouded Braska's face. Even the feather on his helmet drooped.

"Hah! Just kidding! Auron's thanking Jecht for what he did for me during the fight. You know, ryht du ryht. Made you sweat there for a minute though, didn't I?" She smirked.

A calculating look edged into Braska's expression. "I suppose I deserved that. But, Rikku," he said gravely. "Please don't take my metaphor about the ecstasy of grief too far. Now is not the time."

The only proper response to that was an eyeroll, of course.

"And if you happen to forget, I will write you soliloquies and ask Auron to proofread them."

Rikku gaped.

Braska folded his hands, nodded, and walked away.

Oh, he fought dirty. She raced to catch him, eyeing him warily. "You know you're gonna have to tell Jecht something one of these days, right? Even Auron thinks so."

"Just a little longer, that's all I ask. I know it's selfish, but…" Braska gave her a steady look. "I have already given up many things."

Way to guilt trip me! Rikku huffed; this was too important an argument to concede without a fight. "Just find a way to tell him before Zanarkand," she warned. "I knew a couple of people who thought hiding the truth was a great idea, right up until the end." She steeled herself and glared. "Don't do that to him."

"When we return from the last temple, then. I will tell him before we ascend Mount Gagazet."

Slowly, Rikku raised two fingers to her eyes and flicked them out towards him in warning. "You better! I'm watching you, mister!"

"I'm flattered," Braska replied, before sighing. "Do you have any suggestions for how I should approach the topic?"

Her eyebrows rose to meet her bandana. "You're asking me? Since when have any of you trusted my life advice?"

Sheepishness stole across his expression. "Well, you just mentioned some experience in these matters. I hoped you might have some advice to impart."

Rikku cocked her head. Now Braska was acting weird. Maybe Sin's toxin had hit both Auron and Braska hard – that would explain today, at least. "You're the one who's supposed to be our fearless leader!"

Braska rubbed his chin. "I really have no idea why you look to me for guidance. I am simply journeying to the temples to collect aeons. Where in Spira did you get the idea that this made me some sort of font of wisdom?"

"You opened your mouth," Rikku supplied helpfully.

"Stop that now. Really," Braska complained, placing his hand on the agency's front door. "At my current level, I do not even know if we will reach Zanarkand. I am still too weak."

"What's this about not reachin' Zanarkand?" The doors flew open, which pushed Braska into Rikku. Her foot caught on one of the many trailing flaps of his robe. She went down flailing, dragging Braska with her. They landed in a tangle of limbs, cloth, and feathers, and blast it all, it hurt.

"Get off me! And eat something, you're all elbows!" Rikku complained, shoving at Braska.

"You're one to talk," Braska shot back as he struggled to right his clothing, dignity clearly smarting.

"Oops," Jecht said. "Guess I don't know my own strength!" He laughed and held a hand out to Braska. "You alright there, buddy?"

"I should ask that of you," Braska countered as he was pulled to his feet. "Auron already spoke to you of his feelings, then?"

"He did," Auron answered, moving past Jecht to help Rikku to her feet. "We've sworn our eternal devotion to one another and are leaving the Pilgrimage. My apologies, Rikku."

"Did you just – ?" Rikku's mouth hung open to collect some chocobo flies.

"Apologies to Rikku?" Braska asked dryly.

"I told you he was smooth," Jecht added, giving Auron a thumbs-up and a wink.

"Ugh, Jecht!" Rikku complained.

Jecht laughed and slapped Braska on the back. "Just kiddin', kids. Auron wanted to let me know how special I was to the team." He smiled. "As if I needed to be told. And," he said, hand remaining on Braska's back as his smirk widened, "he also told me you'd have big news about the Pilgrimage one o' these days."

Braska whipped around to face Auron, who was very purposefully looking off into the distance. Rikku glanced at Auron in surprise, before she grinned at Braska, all teeth. Braska stiffened and narrowed his eyes at them both in response.

"Well!" Jecht grunted, slapping Braska again, nearly sending the summoner back to the ground. "Since I don't speak eyeball ping-pong, why don't you and I go inside and have a meal. I'm starved and you're payin'," he said, hauling Braska into the building.

The door slammed behind them. Rikku and Auron stared after them.

"Jecht's really gonna make Braska squirm," she said. "Don't you feel even a little bit sorry for him?"

"No," Auron answered, smugly.

.x.x.x.

The sticky afternoon heat evaporated with the approaching sunset. Rikku sighed in relief. She checked over her stuffed pouches, humming while she riffled through their contents. "So, today's been pretty productive," she told Auron. "We're fully restocked on healing potions. There might even be some musk left to sell after I'm done with it."

"We should have enough to get by in Luca," he agreed. "Though it will hardly land us in the lap of luxury. Thank you for your help." He unhooked his jug and took a long swig from it.

Rikku snickered. "Celebrating with a drink already? We're not even back at our rooms yet!"

Auron lowered the jug with mild exasperation. "It's just water. I haven't – "

"Sure sure, I'll believe it when I taste it," Rikku groused, holding out a hand. "Fiend hunting is hard work! Give it here!" He obliged, and Rikku wasted no time drinking from it. She groaned in relief as the luke-warm water wet her parched throat. Reluctantly she tore herself away and wiped some sweat from her brow. "Water is life," she moaned. Then she noticed she'd spilled a bit in her haste. "Oopsie," she said, brushing away a few stray drops from her chest.

Auron retrieved the jug and corked it with an indecipherable expression.

"What?" Rikku planted her hands on her hips. "Can't a girl take a drink without being scrutinized?"

"You provoked me," he answered bluntly.

In a way, it was a relief that Auron's earlier declaration of feelings hadn't really changed their dynamic, at least in the field. Whether he liked her or not, he was still a prickly pear. I kinda love that about him, she thought fondly, before correcting her stance into the appropriate one: indignation.

"What'd I do this time? Is drinking water a crime now?" She shifted her weight to one side and pouted.

Auron ran a hand down his face and sighed. "You're still doing it."

"Ok, that's cryptic. Even for you," Rikku shot back, revising her previous judgement of love. Maybe it was only kinda-sorta-like. "A little help here?" she asked, lifting her arms up.

Lowering his hand, Auron raked his gaze up and down her body, lingering for a moment on her still-jutting hip. "I didn't say I was angry," he answered, meeting her eyes.

Auron: Two bazillion, Rikku: forever in the negatives. Suddenly self-conscious, she straightened as if someone had shocked her with a Thunder spell. Wait, who's really losing out here? She re-rearranged her stance, thrusting her hip out further than before.

Auron chuckled and turned away. "It's only cute when you aren't trying."

"Cute? You think I'm cute?" Two bazillion and one, Rikku recounted.

Auron didn't answer this time, but a satisfied smile crossed his face.

They continued back to the agency in silence, and Rikku tried to recover. For a guy they'd all figured to be less romantic than Wakka, he was smooth. She tapped her lip and glanced at him. "You know, I don't think you're cute."

"Thank Yevon," Auron muttered.

"Nope," she added with an appreciative glance towards his butt. "You're dead sexy."

Auron tripped – and yes, that was a faint flush on his cheeks.

Score.

They slowed as the travel agency came into sight; Jecht was waiting outside, leaning against the rail of the corral and watching them approach. Braska was nowhere to be seen.

"Where's – " Auron began.

Jecht cut him off. "He's resting inside. Relax, Stiff," he said, tone sharp.

Rikku stopped; usually, Jecht's pet names carried a note of fondness to buffer the sting. That clearly wasn't the case this time.

Auron tensed beside her. "Did he tell you?"

"Nope. Braska didn't give up the game." Jecht shrugged, expression almost blank, even as aggression edged his words. "I get it. I really do, man. We're friends, but you still got your honor an' all. You don't have to tell me nothin'." His tone slid into bitterness. "But it did get me thinkin' 'bout how much I don't like secrets. They make my head hurt." He shifted toward Rikku.

Rikku gulped.

"Blondie, I wanna talk to you alone."

Auron opened his mouth, but Rikku hit him before he could say anything. He looked down at her, frowning.

"I'll be fine," Rikku assured him.

"That's what you said the last time," Auron replied. Still, he nodded, both to her and Jecht, and strode into the building.

Jecht pushed away from the fence. "Not here," he said, before heading behind the agency.

Rikku followed, feeling like she was marching towards a firing squad. When he stopped, she blurted, "So, what's on your mind?"

"Zanarkand." He crossed his arms. "A thousand years gone, huh?"

"Heh-heh…" She smiled nervously. "Yep, that's about right!"

"But it ain't the whole truth, is it." It wasn't a question.

Shifting her weight, Rikku clasped her hands behind her back.

He glared and penned her between the wall and some old, stacked crates. "The truth is somethin' you got locked up inside that head of yours."

"I don't know what you're talking about?" she tried. "Stop being so mean, it's kinda scary!"

Jecht shoved her back against the wall with bruising force. It was easy to forget how strong he was when he acted so playful around them. "How do you know Tidus?"

And there it was. Would her web of lies withstand the hundred kilograms of muscle towering over her? "Jecht, I can't – "

"Tell me how you know my boy!" Jecht roared, punching the wall. Rikku shrieked as chunks of lime and stone burst to the left of her head. "Tell me!"

His shout was one of raw pain; she recognized the agony of wondering if you could ever really go back; of discovering you'd had something good but taken it for granted, and now it was gone – possibly forever.

Jecht hadn't even chosen this path; instead, it had landed on him, unasked for and unwanted.

"Do you really want to know?" She steeled herself. You owe him this, Rikku. We all owe him this. But I'm the only one who can pay this debt.

He waited for her to continue, and Rikku swallowed. One last chance for him to walk away. "You won't like anything I have to say."

"I got nothin' here, Rikku," he said, the anger and pain bleeding into desperation. "Braska and Auron won't tell me the score, and I need to find a way back. You're a time traveller too, ain't ya? Help me get back. Doesn't matter when. I just wanna see my family again, even if Tidus is all grown up."

Existential crisis it is. She shook her head; there was no way to say anything without hurting him. "Your Zanarkand still exists…"

He looked up, eyes bright with hope.

Something inside her crumpled. "...but it's not real. Your wife, your son, your Blitzball record… none of it is real. You aren't real."

"The hell?" Jecht stepped closer, expression more confused than anything.

Rikku's heart clenched; he didn't understand.

"I'm here, ain't I? I just saved your life! I still got the bruises from it! Tell me how imaginary that was, huh?"

Rikku crossed her arms. You decided to do this. So, do it! "Look, I don't know. This world, the Spira you're in now, is real. But the real Zanarkand died a long time ago! The entire city got wiped out in the Machina War. The place you're remembering is a dream, Jecht. Only sleepers think a dream's real."

Jecht shook his head. "You musta hit your head, 'cause that can't be right. I ain't nobody's damn dream, girl! How's that even possible?"

I can't do this. Why isn't Yuna here? Or even Auron – he'd know what to say. She dropped her head into her hands. I'm just messing things up.

Let me help you. Let go. I will tell him, Lenne said, before Rikku's garment grid activated against her will. Magic flared and then she was shoved back behind her own eyes, nothing more than a passenger in a vehicle she was no longer driving.

Jecht took a surprised step backwards. "You're that singer chick. What'd you do with Rikku?" Then his expression turned hungry. "Are you my way back?"

Rikku tried to reply, but when her mouth opened, only a reedy sound escaped from Lenne's lips. It turned into a soft hum – a hauntingly familiar tune.

"Sleep now, be at ease," Lenne crooned, fingers fluttering over Jecht's eyes, shutting them. "Everyone's the same. Their lost fears, wrapped with sadness and confusion." She bowed her head, her voice strengthening into a cruel benediction. "Pray to Yu Yevon! Dream, Fayth. Forever and ever, grant us prosperity." The song died out and Lenne's magic faded with it. Only the haunting echoes of the Hymn and a profound sense of loss remained.

Jecht broke the silence first. "That's the temple song, ain't it. That's what them Fayth are singin' when they sleep."

"I'm sorry," Rikku said.

He began to laugh uncontrollably. His hand covered his eyes and she realized he'd started to cry.

He's just like Tidus.

Jecht stumbled back, hitting the wall he'd ruined and sliding to the ground.

Why, why hadn't she just lied? Jecht was Jecht. He was invincible; she couldn't watch him break apart. She heard Braska's words from earlier: Without the extremes of our feelings, we may as well already be dead. But Braska wasn't there. She was. It would have to be enough.

"You're here now," she offered. "Somehow, you made it to the real Spira. Maybe that means you're real now, too."

"This ain't about me!" Jecht glared, eyes shining and furious. "I made some mistakes, I know that. But I always tried to do right by my boy. He doesn't deserve any of this! Why me? Why not him? Why ain't he real?" He clenched his fist and hit the ground, as if he could beat an answer out of the earth.

Rikku sat back on her heels. For all that they protested, he and Tidus were the same – sparks of happiness in a world that had forgotten how to feel joy. Wasn't that really what gave them their unique strength? Maybe comfort wasn't what he needed. Comfort would be accepting the hand fate dealt you. Comfort would be giving up.

If nothing else, Jecht was a fighter.

Rikku stood up. "Who are you?" she asked. "I never thought you'd let yourself be beat like this. You faced down the biggest sinspawn any of us have ever seen and you didn't even blink. But one sappy little song and you're reduced to tears? I never took you for a crybaby," she sniffed. "Is this really the best your Zanarkand has to offer?"

"But," Jecht started, faltered, and started again. "You're the one who said – you said I ain't real. What the hell can I do about any of this? I can't even take care of Tidus properly!"

"So that means you're just gonna stop trying? Some dad you are," Rikku snapped. "Tidus was always angry at you, you know. By the time you left him, he said you'd given up. That you'd started drinking so much you couldn't even Blitz properly anymore. Jecht, the loser."

Jecht leapt to his feet. "You got some nerve! If you know what's good for you, you better shut that mouth of yours!"

Rikku shrugged. It was a dangerous line she was toeing, but he needed this. "Why, so you can curl up into a little blitzball and start crying again?" She scoffed. "If you don't like it, do something about it."

"Maybe I will!" Jecht exploded. "I'll show you how real I can be! I'll show all of you! Dream, my ass! I'll make it all real! I'll even make Tidus real!"

Rikku grinned. "Good," she said. "I'll hold you to that."

Jecht was turning purple. "You won't get to do shit – wait, what?" It took a few painful moments of watching the chocobos spinning the wheels in his head before understanding dawned. "Good play," he admitted, shoulders dropping.

"Are you mad?" Rikku shifted, nervous. His anger had dissipated, but Jecht was still a raging hulk and she was the bearer of bad news in his warpath. She was a little surprised they weren't already scraping bits of her off of the agency walls.

"At you? Naw, I guess not," Jecht said reluctantly. "Am I pissed? Hell yeah," he added, his face darkening. "What the fuck is wrong with you people? You hated your own messed up world so much you had to create a brand shiny new one to screw with, too?"

"Umm, I don't think Sin was supposed to be a part of your world," Rikku told him in a tiny voice.

"Well la-de-fuckin'-da! That helps me out a whole lot right now, don't it!"

"Sorry," she squeaked as she scooted away from the wall. "Maybe I should just… go?"

"Yeah," he agreed, sullen. "Get lost. I don't wanna see any of you right now."

Rikku scrambled away. A small part of her felt guilty for leaving Jecht behind to wrestle with his demons. The larger part – the one in charge of self-preservation – heaved a sigh of relief.

Still, he'd asked to be left alone, not abandoned. After a moment of thought, she decided to linger at the chocobo corral entrance, just in case he returned to them. She wasn't sure she would, in his place. But I really do owe him. She settled down to wait.

The minutes ticked by, and the sky grew darker. She plucked a few long blades of grass and wove them together. More and more vegetation joined her weaving as time passed, Rikku becoming single-mindedly focused on her impromptu grass sculpture.

She'd nearly finished the tailpiece of her miniature Machina Maw when a shadow fell over her.

It was Jecht. "C'mere, Blondie."

The fondness was back in his words. "Feel a little better?" Rikku asked, scrambling to her feet.

"Well…" he drawled before forcing her into a headlock and digging his knuckles into her hair. "Head noogie, sucker!"

"Owwie! Lemme go!" She thrashed, batting at him until he released her. "That wasn't funny!" she said, glaring as she rearranged her braids.

"Was to me," he told her, grinning from ear to ear. His expression slipped into something a little softer. "Thanks. Guess I needed a kick in the rear." He rubbed the back of his head. "You know I talk big, but…" He dropped his hand.. "Never exactly got the primer on how to fight fate. Where do I even start?"

"Here!" The reply spilled out of Rikku's mouth. "You've already started. The answers are still in Zanarkand. Stay with Braska. Stay with all of us!"

Sighing, he eyed her. "Yeah, I know. What else am I gonna do? Guess you guys ain't the only ones with secrets anymore. Or are you gonna tell 'em 'bout me too?"

She shrugged. "That's your call. We'd help you find answers either way."

Jecht looked around. "So, this is the real world, huh?" His lip curled. "It's a damn mess, if you ask me."

Rikku could only agree.

Edited 8/16

ryht du ryht = lit. hand to hand, in this instance, "mano a mano" but there's no Spanish in Spira

Lenne is singing the "Hymn of the Fayth" (decrypted and in English)