File Thirty-Six: Because I Want to Believe

Air bubbles soon covered his sight and he found himself sinking instead of going up, his body growing weak and limp as the lack of oxygen deprived him from what little strength he had left.

Then, everything began to fade away as he felt himself drifting in the water, unable to keep up this fight any longer.

Before he felt a hand gripping his arm and pulling him towards a chest. Blinking his eyes open, he managed to look up.

Shinichi gave him a comforting smile, as he swam to the surface.

"Just hold on a little longer, okay buddy?" it was almost as if he could hear him talking.

No, that wasn't only his imagination. Inside his head, Conan really could hear his brother saying those words to him. His voice, warm and kind. His tight grip on him, determined to not let go under any circumstances.

The genuine fear he could see in his eyes, even if he desperately tried to hide it.

The scent of blood that got more prominent as he pressed his little head against his body.

And his own tears rolling down his face as he felt his world, ever so slowly, going completely black.

With a splash, his head popped out from the surface and the air he so desperately needed finally entered his lungs, causing him to violently choke out the water that had collected in his lungs. "There, there," his brother hand rubbed in circles against the child's back. "You're okay now."

Only when he got his breathing under control, he managed to get a look around. Besides his brother right beside him, he spotted Kogoro helping Nishina, Shishido right at their side. Not long thereafter, Megure and Shiratori joined them as well, followed by Sawaki and Ford.

With a gasp, he realized there was someone missing. So, without thinking about it twice, he grabbed a bottle that floated nearby and, pressing his thumb against the lip of it, he took a big breath.

"Hey!" his brother stopped him before he could go underwater. "What do you think you-?!"

"It's Ran-neechan!" he shouted, causing everyone to look at him, horrified. "She hasn't gone up yet!"

Before he could even watch the teenage boy's expression, he found himself being pressed against Kogoro. "Take care of him, Kogoro-san," was all he said.

Kogoro blinked, still feeling a bit lost.

"Wait!" they didn't expect Conan to take off his jacket, before reaching for his suspenders. "Use these if Ran-neechan is stuck."

Shinichi gave the suspenders a confused look, before some sort of understanding passed by his face. After a quick nod, he retrieved the bottle from the child's hands and went underwater.

He knew Shinichi would figure out how to use them right away. They were pretty intuitive, after all.

Spinning around, he faced Kogoro. "I'll be just fine! Go!"

Kogoro's dumbfounded expression instantly dulled, before a serious nod let Conan know he understood. "Grab into this," he helped the child latch into the ceiling, where Nishina was also hanging from. "Don't let go, you hear me?!"

Before the child could even answer, the man also disappeared under the waters.

And like so, little Conan waited.

For what it seemed like an eternity, the small boy just floated there, heart on his throat and eyes fixed on the surface, anxiety gnawing at him because he had absolutely no idea of what was happening in the depths of that gradually flooding building.

It's taking them far too long, without meaning to, his grip tightened. Are they...?

Luckily he didn't even get to end the sentence because Kogoro's head popped out right away, his daughter secure on his arms. Shinichi came out not long thereafter, and breathing greedily the air he had been deprived of for so long.

Ran began coughing then opened her eyes, and only then Conan let out the breath he didn't even realize he was holding. Everyone is okay, he thought, genuinely relieved.

It seemed like it was too early to be relieved, however, because Megure started groaning right after that. His wound had opened up, apparently.

And Sawaki noticed something. Floating in the surface of the water, there were six cards. The Six, Five, Four, Three, Two and Ace of Spades.

"Damn!" Shishido cursed, loudly. "So he wants to kill all of us at once! Who is he kidding?!"

"But it we keep this up, it will turn out that way," Ford pointed out. "There's no exit!"

"There is one!" Conan informed, causing all gazes to focus on his form. "You know, the shattered glass!"

"I see!" Kogoro nodded. "We just have to get out to the sea from here."

Nishina, who was a terrible swimmer, briefly freaked out until Shishido promised to help him out. Shiratori decided to take Megure with him while Kogoro told Ran he would do the same thing with her.

Finally, Sawaki proclaimed he would lead the way and dived in. Everyone did the same right after that.

Conan stared at the surface of the steadily rising water and let out a sigh.

Here we go again, right?

He squeaked, however, when an arm circled around his waist all of sudden. "I can do it in my own, you know," the child didn't need to turn around to know who was holding him.

"I'm not taking any chances," he replied right away, in such a serious way that Conan knew that there was no way around it. "Make sure to take a deep breath this time around, alright?"

Having no other option, the little boy did as he was told, barely closing his mouth in time for the older Kudo to pull him down with him.

Even if he would never say it out loud, Conan was honestly glad that his brother was actually helping him out. The way to the ocean was such a long stretch that he didn't think he would have made it with the help with his little limbs and small lungs. In fact, he was almost running out of air by the time Shinichi pulled him out of the water.

"There you go," the older brother said, as he helped the child back to solid ground.

Conan barely nodded at him, in thanks, and watched him push himself out as well. Even as the teen started going upstairs, the child only stared. He watched, still as a lifeless doll in the place he had been set in, his brother's back while the distance between them grew larger and larger with each step the high school detective took.

He was Singani. A dangerous criminal that had most likely killed several innocent people without mercy. Cruel and cold.

But, at times like this one, he would see Shinichi. His caring brother, sometimes a mother-hen. Kind and warm.

Two conflicting personalities, opposites. Like light and dark, black and white, good and evil...

Like truth and falsehood.

Which one...?

"Conan?" Conan almost jumped when he heard his brother addressing him, turning around to face him. Confusion was evident on his face. "Is something wrong?"

He hesitated before answering, causing Shinichi to frown.

"Say," finally, Conan began. "Are you-?"

"Nishina!" Shishido's shout caused the brothers to direct their attention from each other to the man. "Hey, hang in there!"

They saw Shishido shaking Nishina, who lied on the floor beside the stairs, with a pale face and, quite honestly, looking like death. One look at his chest and they could tell what was wrong ─ it wasn't moving. He had most likely drown.

"Let me perform artificial respiration!" Sawaki was instantly at their side, and Conan noticed Shinichi's eyes narrowing, slightly. "I'm certified to give CPR."

"Hold on," the high school detective's voice caused the sommelier to stop on his tracks. "Detective Shiratori, please do the artificial respiration!"

Everyone looked at him, completely confused.

"Hey!" Kogoro seemed to be rather annoyed. "What are you-?!"

"Hurry!" he pressed.

Shiratori nodded his head at that, rushing towards the fallen man to begin working as soon as possible. Meanwhile, the stares hadn't left the detective, who only watched the man work for a bit.

"Kudo-kun," at least, until Megure spoke up. "Why didn't you want Sawaki-san to perform CPR on Nishina-san? "

"That's easy," Conan suddenly said, with a disturbingly bright grin on his face. "It's because Nishina-san would most likely die if he did!"

"... Huh?"

Shinichi chuckled. "It's actually as Conan says," he stated, calmly. "This set of cases, after all, were not orchestrated by Murakami Jou as the true culprit has wanted us to believe."

"... Eh?!"

So, the teenage detective proceeded to explain everything to the shocked group. He told them the killer probably had found about Murakami's background as a card dealer and that he had that nickname, Joker. Then, after realizing that all the people he wanted to kill so badly had numbers on their names, he had decided to take advantage of it.

His true and only targets had been Nana, Asahi and Tsuji. All the other victims had been attacked just because they fit with the theme.

There was also Nishina, whom the true culprit had just tried to attack by pretending to give the man CPR. Hadn't Shiratori saved him instead, the man would have been long gone by now.

"C-Could it be?" Shiratori managed, shocked about the turn of events.

"That's right. The one who killed Asahi-san and Nana-san and tried to kill Tsuji-san and Nishina-san..." Shinichi met Sawaki's eyes, who simply went pale when the attention fell on him. "... is you, Sawaki Kohei-san!"

Even as Sawaki loudly argued about Shinichi's deduction, the boy continued. He explained that he had first killed Asahi, then called everyone there using his name. Also, it was him the one to send the nail polish with luminous paint to Nana.

"Motive!" Megure asked him, desperate. "What was the motive?"

Shinichi's gaze fell on the ground, strangely silent.

"Ageusia," it was Conan who spoke first, before turning to Sawaki, who just stood there, frozen. "You didn't notice it, did you? When I gave you that glass of mineral water the other time."

"Notice what?" Sawaki blinked.

"It had salt on it," the child explained. "I found it weird when I saw you, a sommelier, tasting something as strong as chili-powder, so I wanted to know if there was something wrong with you."

"I see," Sawaki let out an arrogant laugh. "I might have lost my sense of taste, but that doesn't prove that I killed Nana-san, does it?"

"That's true," Shinichi's slipped closed, head lowering slightly. "I don't have any proof."

"Hey!" Kogoro yelled. "You can't just-!"

"But you, Sawaki-san, do have proof," he continued, eyes snapping open. "Right inside your pocket."

From his pocket he pulled it. Sawaki didn't move for a moment, a shocked expression crossing his face as he stared at the cork in his hand, and the cat doodle on it.

Nana must have put it in his pocket right before dying.

So, Sawaki had no other choice but to confess. He had been the one hit in the accident that Nana had caused. Asahi had used all his money buying all kinds of wine, but did nothing to care for them. Nishina had acted like a gourmet and taught his readers incorrect knowledge about wine. And Tsuji had made fun of his profession, which was his life and passion.

All that stress, and the injury on his head, had led him to this disorder. They had ruined his career as a sommelier. Because of that, he had killed them all, using Murakami's name, who he had found on Kogoro's doorstep. He had wanted to apologize for everything, but found no one at home. So, Sawaki had taken his chance to murder him.

"Then," Shiratori couldn't believe it. "Are you saying you had no grudge against Mouri-san or Inspector Megure?"

"Exactly," his voice had acquired a colder, more sinister tone.

"Then you called Shishido-san and I..." Ford's eyes opened, wide.

"... Just to make up the missing four and six?" Shishido continued, teeth clenching.

"Precisely. As for Shiratori-san, the three, and Mouri-san, the five, I predicted they'd come along once I told them about Asahi-san," he turned back to the serious detective. "To be honest, I didn't expect that Kudo Shinichi, the one, would actually come along as well. But I'm glad, because I couldn't find him anywhere."

Conan figured everything would be over by now. Sawaki had nowhere to go and he was surrounded by Megure and Shiratori, members of the police department, besides Kogoro, ex-police detective who would most likely be able to pin him down in a second.

What happened, however, wasn't what the child had expected. One second his brother was shouting for someone to hold Sawaki down, and the other the killer had taken a device from his pocket and pushed a button. Something exploded, and the floor beneath them started shaking and, ever so slowly, tilting sideways.

In a flash, he had taken Ran, who was incredibly weak from being trapped under a car and almost drowning ─ twice.

Everyone froze in place, watching as the criminal held a knife under the girl's chin.

"Nobody move! If you move, she's dead!"

"You don't want him dead, do you?"

Conan let out a shaky breath, eyes wide as the feeling of deja vu washed all over him, crashing in waves of fragmented voices and feelings he couldn't really put together.

All of sudden, the knife wasn't on Ran's throat but in his.

Shaking his head, the feeling on his neck disappeared. No, not now, before he could realize what was going on, he was following his brother and Kogoro up the stairs, chasing after the criminal that had taken Ran hostage. It's not the time for this!

"Ran!" Shinichi shouted, speeding up towards the closing doors of the elevator, where Sawaki had just gotten in with the girl.

They closed just in time for the teen to collide against them. "Damn it!" the loud curse ripped away from his throat.

"Kudo-kun!" Megure shouted, passing by him along with the others. "This way!"

They got inside another elevator right away, and they got forced to wait what it felt like hours for it to reach the roof. While they waited for it to arrive at their destination, Shiratori took out his gun, checking if he had bullets.

Conan's blue eyes gazed at the gun.

Click.

"... I'll punch a hole through this kid's head!"

The muzzle pressed roughly against his head, causing the little child to bit back the tears that were collecting on his eyes. The man that was holding him was screaming, loudly, and did not let his grip around him weaken in the sightless.

Shinichi hesitated, but still held the gun in place, proving that he wasn't going to give up that easily.

Suddenly, the man behind Conan smirked.

"I know. You, help me out."

Even if he had no idea what this man wanted, Conan felt his hair standing on a end, figuring he wouldn't like this at all.

"Let's play a fun little game, shall we?"

Next thing Conan was aware of, he was on the rooftop, standing right in front of Ran and Sawaki, beside the others he had just come with. There was a helicopter floating above the gradually collapsing building they currently were in.

At his side, Shiratori pulled out his gun. "Let Ran-san go!" he warned, even if his voice was wavering. "Otherwise, I'll shoot!"

"Interesting! Shoot if you dare!"

Shinichi watched as Shiratori's hands started shaking and mentally cursed.

If only I was the one with the gun...

"Shiratori-kun, don't!" pleaded Megure, before dropping to his knees. The wound on his stomach seemed to be more serious than it had seemed. "It's no use to run away, even with the helicopter. Let her go!"

"Shut up! I'm taking her along with me to kill Tsuji. I'll kill him and die myself. I'm taking this woman along with me!"

As the Sawaki started laughing, like a complete maniac, Kogoro began to grow pale at the realization that this man, who he honestly thought was a good guy, wasn't going to let his daughter, the light of his life, live to see another day.

The floor titled again, causing everyone to stumble but remain upright at the end. The place was going to fall and every single one of them would die if that kept up.

"Give me your gun," Sawaki demanded, prompting everyone to flinch. "I'm going to stab her!"

Shiratori hesitated.

"Hey, Shiratori, give me your gun," Kogoro whispered at him, a determined expression on his features. Shiratori's head snapped towards him, visually shocked. "I said give it to me."

"You've got to be kidding. I can't hand it over to you anyhow."

"Please do it, Detective Shiratori," he didn't expect to hear Shinichi speaking. "If he takes Ran, he will kill her."

"Even if you say so I-"

"What are you doing?!" Sawaki was growing more and more restless. "Hurry!"

Blood trailed down Ran's neck when the criminal pressed the knife against her neck, even harder than before. To Shinichi and Kogoro's displeasure, Shiratori gave up to the pressure and put the lock on his gun, before throwing it at the floor.

The weapon lied there, right between the two sides of the conflict.

Sawaki began to walk, dragging the hostage with him, closer to it, but paused when he saw Kogoro and Shiratori readying themselves to attack. He stared at them for a moment, wondering how he was going to get out of that situation, before his eyes fell on the little child that stood right beside them with a scared look on his eyes.

And let out an evil grin.

"Kid, you bring it here!" the kid in question winced when he heard he was addressing him. "You want this woman to die right now?!"

Conan just looked back at him, watching as Ran seemed to weakly struggle at the mention of his name, in vain obviously. Megure was shouting at Sawaki, not comfortable in the sightless at the idea of a mere child doing such a dangerous thing as holding a gun in the first place.

But the child frowned, swallowing all the fear he was feeling right know so he could move forward. "Conan!" he even ignored his brother's voice, that pleaded him, desperately, to stay back.

"Let's play a fun little game, shall we?"

"D-Don't do it," Ran begged, barely above a whisper. "Conan-kun, don't give it to him... Don't give it to him!"

Then, something sharp pressed against his tiny neck. Conan didn't need to look to know that a knife was there, to keep him from running away as he was lowered to the ground. Then, the gun on his head was retired.

Something was placed on his hands. This time he did look down and gasped, horrified.

Ever so slowly, the young boy bent down, fingers meeting with the cold steel of the gun as he gingerly picked it up from the ground.

The gun on his hands felt cold and heavy. Then, a feeling of dread overcame him as the man's hands enveloped his and, with an unsettling kindness, moved them until Conan was pointing right at Shinichi.

The teen in question looked back at the man holding his brother hostage. Shock was written all over his face.

"Now be a good boy and bring it here! Hurry up!"

Conan's eyes went wide.

"I said hurry up!"

I see. That's what it was, he finally, finally realized. That's why Occhan... And that's why... Oniichan...

But Shinichi didn't even hesitate at that. His eyes narrowed, slightly, and something crossed by his face. A solemn look the child had never seen before had taken hold on his face, icy cold eyes looking back at the man.

Shinichi watched, stunned and equally horrified, as Conan pointed his gun right at Ran.

Click.

The next second, the shot had been made. Conan felt as a bullet grazed his leg, causing him to fall into his side, unable to bear with the pain on his leg.

The next second, the shot had been made. Conan watched as the bullet hit Ran in the leg, causing her to fall into her side, passing out at the instant.

But the shock of actually being shot caused the little child accidentally pull the trigger. As he fell and the gun slipped from his hands, falling a few feet ahead of him, he watched Shinichi giving out a pained groan, moving a hand towards his side.

Ran's leg was bleeding.

Shinichi was bleeding.

He didn't pay attention to anything else. He barely noticed the criminal letting the girl go because she was no more than an extra baggage to him anymore. Dimly, he noticed Kogoro taking Sawaki down, and Shinichi running. He barely realized she had been falling towards the sea, because the roof was titling, or that his brother had caught her just in time. Or her father picking her up, carrying her towards the helicopter.

The only thing he was aware was the blood tracking down her leg.

So, with all little strength he had left, completely forgetting about his injured leg, the child started to run, hands stretched towards his brother, who just wouldn't stop bleeding.

"Oniichan!"

This time around, however, Conan just fell into his knees. Dull eyes traveled to the weapon, that was still on his hands.

He couldn't stop staring.

Just as he was about to reach him, a burning pain on his shoulder knocked him off his feet again. His brother's arms enveloped his weak body, pressing him tightly against his chest.

Even if he could still feel the stench of blood. If it was Shinichi's or his, the child honestly didn't know.

Weakly, he glanced over his shoulder. The criminal had gathered the weapon he had dropped and was pointing at them with one hand, and pressing his other hand against his bloody shoulder. Dimly, he wondered if Shinichi had shot him as soon as Conan had fallen.

"It's the police!" all sounds were getting further and further away. "Drop the weapon!"

Two warm hands enveloped his, causing him to look up, startled. He was met with a pair of compassionate, kind blue eyes. Slowly blinking, as if he had just woken up from a dream, Conan nodded and let go of the gun. Shinichi took it from him and, without breaking eye contact, passed it to Shiratori.

His warm hand didn't leave, just held his as he gently guided him to the helicopter.

The next thing little Conan was aware of was sitting in the waiting room at the hospital. Looking up, he could see the light on the 'Operating' sign on.

That's right, I shot Ran-neechan.

He did, even if he had tried to only graze her leg. His hands had shaken and he had missed. Because of that the doctors inside of that operating room were trying to get the bullet out.

The bullet he had inflicted on her.

With these hands, I...

He stared at the palm on his hands and wondered. What good had they done to anybody?

They hadn't been able to save Hirota Masami, Haibara's dear sister.

They had shot his brother all those years ago.

And now, Ran...

No matter how many times he looked, he couldn't see anything but blood on them.

Something latched around his wrists, gently pulling them down until his eyes had broken contact with his hands. He found himself face to face with his brother.

Who didn't say anything, just kneeled down right in front of him.

At least, until the child tried to look away.

"You know you saved her, right?" Shinichi said to him, eyes warm and kind, if searching. "The doctor said her injury wasn't that bad, and that she will recover soon."

"They are operating her."

"Yeah, but the chances of her getting out just fine are drastically high. She only lost a bit of blood, but the hospital has plenty of her type this time around. And even if they didn't, I'm right here, so that's not a problem."

Conan remained silent.

"So, what is it?" his brother pressed. "What is bothering you so much, Conan?"

The child frowned.

"Conan-"

"... I shot her," finally, he made eye contact. "I hurt Ran-neechan. If it wasn't for me, Ran-neechan-"

"Ran would be dead if you didn't!" the loudness of his voice caused the child to flinch, seriously startled. "You saved her, Conan. You saved Ran. Isn't that enough?"

Everything went quiet in that instant and Conan felt Kogoro, Megure and Shiratori's eyes on him, causing the kid to try shrink a bit on his seat. A wave of Shinichi's hand to the rest of the group sent all gazes away, to which Conan was honestly thankful for.

"Will you tell me?" he said, softly and gently. "Please."

By now, Conan was shaking, and Shinichi couldn't help but grip his little cold hands, tightly, as if the child in front of him would vanish if he let go.

"... Why?" he barely heard Conan say, in a broken whisper. "Why do I keep hurting those I love?"

Shinichi certainly didn't expect those words to come out from the little boy's lips in front of him, but when they did, everything started to make sense. He now could understand the despair he could see behind his glasses, or the shaking, that hadn't stopped, rather increased over time.

Then again, hurting those he loved...

"We aren't that different, are we?" the teen smiled.

"It... It's not that. You wouldn't understand."

"Believe me, I do."

The smile on Shinichi's face faltered at the sight of the tears collecting on Conan's eyes.

He couldn't help but notice how young his brother was. Far too young to deal with all he had gone through. Too much for handle, and on top of that, all alone. Because Conan would never say how much he was hurting out loud.

As a proof of that, the child was trying so hard not to let a single tear fall.

Following his brotherly instincts, Shinichi leaned over and kindly embraced the young child who, clearly startled at the sudden motion, flinched and blinked, confusedly, at the sudden sight of the chest right in front of his nose. His little head raised, staring at Shinichi's broad smile, eyes wide as if wondering what was going on.

"It looked like you needed a hug," was all his brother said.

And it seemed like he did need one, if the way he felt some tension leeching away from his body, just like magic, was something to go by. The feeling of warmth and safety momentarily made him forget all his worries and problems, as well as his pride, it seemed, since he snuggled deeper into his brother's hold.

He hadn't noticed until now, but there was a scent. A scent that was undeniably his and that he had missed so much.

So different from the stench of blood his mind would remind him from time to time.

"Just hold on a little longer, okay buddy?"

Without meaning to, Conan's little arms went around his brother's neck, hiding his face on his shoulder. Trying, with all his might, to block out all those terrifying memories.

But he still could feel the pain on his shoulder. His brother was holding him close, desperately trying to keep him awake, muttering some comforting words that didn't really serve their purpose.

Because what it hurt the most was his heart. He had... He had...

The tears he had been holding back drenched his brother's jacket, but Shinichi didn't seem to care, just squeezed even tighter. It was almost as if he was glad that this little child, who had always tried to endure much more than he should, was sobbing on his shoulder.

Even if he pained to see this boy sad, it was harder to see him holding it all inside, wearing that emotionless mask that he would use, looking at him with those empty eyes that certainly didn't belong to the face of a young child.

"... Sorry," Shinichi looked at the back of his brother's head, taken aback. "I'm sorry, Oniichan."

Briefly, he remembered Conan had said the same thing back then. He had cried, too, as Shinichi held him just like now, forced to helplessly watch his little brother losing blood, far too quickly for his own liking.

But unlike that time, the reason was different.

Conan pressed his face even more, bathing on Shinichi's warmth, finally coming into the realization that this, this person right here was his one and only brother.

Also, he understood what Haibara had said the other time. She was right. He didn't hate his brother, he had wanted to hate him instead. Hating was much easier, after all, than to trying.

But he wouldn't take the easy route. Not anymore.

Because I want to believe.

I want to believe in him.

A/N:

ajjr12: I will see what I can do ;)

Asahina Chihaya: Those ideas are pretty interesting, thank you for suggesting them! I might take some of them in consideration in the future.

Dy: I won't write all of them, mostly because the majority of them wouldn't contribute with the plot of this story in particular, and I don't want this fic to even longer than it's probably turn out to be, lol! I might cover one or two, though. I'm not completely sure.