File Forty-Two: Without Saying Goodbye

Sometimes, little Conan wondered...

Why is this my life?

There were many, many situations where this question had crossed his mind. This particular instance, however, that thought had been born due to Ayumi, who had tried to pet a street kitten, unintentionally scaring it and making the cat to run away.

At this very moment, he could be home, reading a good novel until night, but no. Of course not.

Of course Ayumi had to chase the cat.

Of course Genta and Mitsuhiko had followed.

And, of course, Haibara had given him a look, clearly stating that he needed to come along as well, even without uttering a single word.

So there he was. Chasing after a random kitten. Joy.

"Where did that kitty go?" Ayumi asked, clearly upset.

They had lost the track of the animal a few minutes ago, and now they were simply walking around, hoping to spot the cat as they did so, but no avail.

Conan looked up, wondering if the cat had somehow climbed up a tree without them noticing. Nothing.

As he carefully studied the trees, something was brought into his attention. Even when covered in February snow, Conan could see it.

Cherry blossom trees, huh?

Absentmindedly, he moved closer to one of them and just gazed. It's still winter, his hand slowly raised up to rest against the surface of the trunk. So cold. Spring is a bit too far away.

Until then, this tree would remain like this. Colourless... Almost dead, even.

But spring would eventually arrive, and this tree would come back to life. Colour will be brought forward once more, adorning everything around with its beautiful flower petals flowing with the breeze.

Only for a few days, though, before everything went back to the way it was.

We humans are not that different, are we?

Life was beautiful, but terribly short. It was gone, in the blink of an eye.

Ephemeral.

Blinking twice, Conan took a small step back. That word, just now...

Ephemeral.

What was up with that weird feeling every single time he repeated it on his head?

Conan massaged his temples. I must be tired, he figured.

"Ah, you found it, Ai-chan!"

At the sound of Ayumi's excited voice, the boy turned towards the source. Mitsuhiko and Genta were standing there, in front of a random wall in the side of one of the many houses set beside the street. It was surrounded by all kinds of weeds and plants, letting the boy know that it was most likely abandoned.

He found it weird, however, because the girls were nowhere to be seen.

But then he saw Ayumi's head popping out from between the bushes, causing him to walk closer, surprise etched on his face.

As Haibara came up, the kitten between her arms, the boy noticed it. There was a hole that connected the inside with the outside the house, covered by the leaves of the plants around.

How did she know there was such a place?

He did not ask, however. Just watched, cluelessly, as she smiled down at the small animal, in a rather gentle way she would never do for anybody else.

"Not 'it'," patiently, corrected her friend. "It's 'her'."

Mitsuhiko took her with him after that, promising to find a proper home for the kitten.

Well, Conan sighed. I guess that's a case closed... Can I go home now?

Luckily for him, he could and did.

For the next few days, nothing out of the ordinary happened. One case here and there, but there wasn't anything he couldn't solve in a more than a couple of minutes ─ if anything, it was harder to get Kogoro to realize the truth than doing it himself.

But then, weekend came along.

"Isn't it obvious?" Conan just looked back at the girl, frowning slightly. "There is no place for a traitor."

He had been wondering how long until she let out another of those negative comments, that Conan knew it was the result of the girl projecting her own feelings, only concealed so people wouldn't realize.

They had been on their way back home after an exciting soccer match between Tokyo Spirits and Noir Tokyo. At that time, they had been talking about the match that was about to start any moment now, where Big Osaka would play. and Ayumi had voiced that she couldn't understand why Higo Ryusuke would be booed by his own team supporters every time he got the ball, every single game.

Conan had explained that Higo had been played for Noir Tokyo before so those that supported Big Osaka, their biggest rival, didn't like him at all. And then, Haibara had said that phrase which had caused the boy to have that reaction.

"Well, isn't it true?" she added, clearly noticed the way Conan's face had changed. "Isn't he hated by both the opposing team and his team?"

"Noir and Big never got along well, so the gangs of Big can't get used to cheering for someone who used to be forward of the enemy team," the boy replied, with an raise of his eyebrow. "I guess that's to be expected. For soccer."

"Now that I think of it," Agasa commented, completely unaware of the true meaning behind the scientist's words. "I saw Higo on the front cover of a sports newspaper. The heading was 'Is Higo Moving to Spain?', if I remember correctly."

"Ah, that was also on the sport news!" Mitsuhiko commented. "They were saying that he might have gone to Big to get money to go to Spain."

"What a jerk," huffed Genta.

"Hey, hey," Conan tried to dissuade them. "Aren't you taking it a bit too seriously? It's just a rumor after all..."

"But if the rumor is true," they turned around to face Haibara. "His life would become easier."

Her head raised. Her gaze might have fixed on the blue sky above, but to Conan, her eyes seemed to be looking at something else entirely. Something far, far away that nobody but her could see.

"Because he can forget everything and run away to a place far away where people don't disapprove of him."

The other three children exchanged looks with each other, before looking back at Haibara, concern evident on their faces. None of them had the courage, however, to say anything.

Ai still noticed Ayumi stepping ahead, her mouth opening to say anything yet failing to find the right words to say.

"Just kidding," she simply added, as she walked right past the group.

Mitsuhiko, Genta and Ayumi visually brightened at her response, relieved to hear that she was only joking, skipping ahead so they would catch with their friend. As they did that, they came across a television store and rushed there, so they could watch the match ─ Noir Tokyo vs Big Osaka ─ that was about to start.

Conan on the other hand, just watched the girl. What's up with her today? he turned around, meeting with Agasa's eyes. Both of them sighed, loudly, before starting to walk towards the group, in a slower pace.

"By the way, Professor," Conan asked. "Did you find out about what I asked you about?"

Agasa's face went serious, as he moved closer to the child. He noticed that the reason the kid wanted to talk about this now was that all his friends, including ─ especially ─ Haibara were out of hearing range. It was obvious that he didn't want to talk about these things around the young scientist.

"Yeah, I spoke with her fans after sneaking into their chatroom... The actress, Sharon Vineyard is famous but her daughter Chris' life is kept private."

He then explained to him that, other than in films, the first time she had appeared in front of the media was two years ago at her mother's funeral. At that time, a reporter had tried to ask her a load of questions, which she did not answer, at least until he had asked 'Is there something you don't want us to know?'

Her smile had been cold as she replied:

"A secret makes a woman, woman."

"There was also a famous Japanese actress at the funeral," Agasa added. "Everyone's attention was on Chris, so no one remembered who the actress was."

Conan's eyes opened slightly at that, until he composed himself again. I think I have quite a good idea of who this actress was.

"Hmph! Karma," before the professor could ask what was wrong, noticing the troubled expression on the boy's eyes, they heard a voice laughing arrogantly. "That's what he gets for betraying Noir Tokyo."

Both of them turned around, just to see another man standing in front of the television, so they instantly moved closer to the group, joining them. In the screen he could see Higo, sitting on the ground while holding his injured knee.

The man left right after that, leaving the three children wondering where they had seen his face ─ he seemed to be oddly familiar to them, for some reason. Conan then explained to them that he was Akano Kadotake, a stupid Noir Tokyo hooligan that enjoyed making trouble in matches, causing him to be kicked out from any stadiums. He even had a website where he proudly showed off his questionable actions.

"Anyway, shouldn't we get going?" asked Conan, once he noticed Genta focusing on the match once more.

"Wait! It's at a really good part!" the boy complained.

"Hey, hey... " the bespectacled one wanted to press him, not having a desire to stand in the sidewalk for, at least, forty-five minutes straight, no matter how much he loved soccer.

"It's okay," Mitsuhiko reassured them. "I have a radio."

Once it was settled, the friends nodded at each other with a grin on their faces, and started to walk. Only Haibara remained, her eyes still focused on the TV in front of her.

"Ai-chan," Ayumi called. "We're leaving."

"A-Ah, yeah."

With a last glance towards the match she was watching, the girl followed the other.

In the screen, Higo had fallen again. He was frowning, as he heard the entire stadium booing at him, clearly not wanting him in such a place.

Conan mentally cursed Genta for his impatience.

The big boy had been in a hurry to get home so he could see the match because of that they had gotten in that train, instead of waiting for the next one. As a result, they all were squished between people, the small place packed with loads of Tokyo Noir and Tokyo Spirit supporters.

If things couldn't get worse, that annoying hooligan from before was also there.

Holding in another sigh, Conan absently looked around, eager to occupy his mind with anything until they reached their destination, hoping that it would, somehow, make time pass by faster. But there wasn't anything interesting at all ─ just a bunch of sweaty adults that shifted, uncomfortably, in what little space they had.

Until his eyes focused on Mitsuhiko and noticed that, for some reason, he was blushing madly. It didn't take him long to realize the reason, since he saw the strawberry blonde head that was close ─ very close ─ to the freckled boy, seemingly trying to listen to the match, but failing to notice the proximity with the other child.

Now, that wasn't unusual. Conan clearly remembered the other time at that blue old castle, when she had done exactly the same thing while trying to take a peek of his notes.

Like so Conan found himself watching, in complete silence, as Mitsuhiko stuttered, visually nervous, and Haibara didn't seem to notice it, just asking questions about the game.

"Conan-kun?" he started, slightly, when he heard Ayumi pronouncing his name. He turned around to look into her concerned, and confused eyes. "Is something wrong? You look troubled."

Do I? he blinked owlishly a few times.

Not that he had the time to answer, because the crowded train soon came into a stop, almost knocking Ayumi off her feet ─ luckily, he was there to catch her before she could hit her jaw against the floor or something.

Everything was a chaos after that, with loads people moving to the door so they could get off in their stop in time. By the corner of his eye, however, Conan noticed something.

The hooligan had suddenly dropped to the ground, for some reason.

Because of that, he rushedly tried to get to him, but found himself swimming against the current in a sea of legs. When he managed to pass through, however, he found himself freezing on the spot.

Akano Kadotake lied on the floor of the train, over a pool of his own blood.

Clearly, he had been stabbed in the stomach by the knife that had been dropped at his side. The design in the handle was a bit weird, though.

Why is it always three? Conan couldn't help but question himself, as he watched the three suspects talking with Inspector Megure a distance away.

One of them was a supporter of Tokyo Spirits, while the other two were of Noir Tokyo. One of them was a woman, the other two men. One of them...

The boy shook his head ─ the differences between them were countless, and he couldn't see the relation between them and the case.

There was two things that they had in common, though. All three of them had been in an incredibly crowded train, and the three had bought their tickets before the match ended. Whoever was the culprit, they had done such a thing so they could stalk their victim without losing him in the middle of the flow of people.

His eyes opened, slightly, when he noticed something. In Oba Etsutoshi's back there was a nine, and the name 'Higo' clearly written on it. He was a Noir Tokyo supporter.

"Eh?" suddenly, Ayumi voiced. "Ai-chan isn't here."

Conan looked around, noticing that she was right about that.

"Oh," Mitsuhiko replied. "She said she had to use the bathroom-"

"Nevermind that, what about Big's game?" Genta interrupted him. "You were listening to the radio, right?"

"It seems as though I dropped my radio while we were getting off the train."

Watching his friends talking amongst each other, the bespectacled boy frowned slightly, before silently slipping away without anyone noticing. Calmly, he went up the stairs, looking around until he found her.

Haibara was there, in the middle of a group of people, eyes focused on the screen in front of her, not taking her gaze away from Higo, who was running straight to the goal with the ball on his feet. Her eyes widened a bit when he kicked it, only to hit the goal post.

The booing was still far too loud in her ears.

"I didn't take you for a fan."

Startled by the sudden presence, Haibara spun around to see Conan, watching the game with an uninterested look as he simply stood by her side.

"Or maybe you're just projecting?" he added, then continued upon noticing her surprised look. "Noir means 'black' in French," the tips of his lips curved, as if he was about to say a great joke. "The betrayer from the black team."

Only that none of them found it funny.

"He also had a reason to leave the team," Conan continued, even if the girl had looked away with a shrug. "Shinichi-niichan told me once that Higo-san has a half brother by the name of Endo Rikuo. Until last year, he was a sub-defender in the J-League in Noir."

The girl looked at him by the corner of her eye, letting him know he had her attention.

"This year, Noir Tokyo made Endo-san quit," Haibara seemed to be surprised by that information. "Which means the reason they let Endo-san in was to get Higo-san to join the team. But they let Endo-san in as a trainer. And I think you know how this story ended, right?"

Before she could answer, the sound of a whistle made them both look up to the screen, only to see Higo on the ground, again. His own team supporters were cheering. No card came up, and the game continued as if nothing had happened.

By the time Conan looked away from the screen, he was met with Haibara's back.

"Where are you going?" he asked her, confused.

"Didn't Tsuburaya-kun tell you?" she didn't even turn around. "I'm going to the restroom."

Nodding dumbly at her, the boy watched the girl continue to walk away. His eyes did not leave her form, that became smaller and smaller with each step she took, widening their distance little by little.

There was a weird, uncomfortable feeling in the pit of his stomach. Something he couldn't describe, no matter how hard he tried.

Conan wondered what it was.

"Hey, sir," the three suspects and Megure turned around at the sound of the sweet, childish voice that came from behind. "How did you survive?"

Everyone blinked, until they realized who he was talking to. They all turned to Oba, who jumped, startled. "What do you mean, little boy?" he managed to get out through the surprise.

"You said you were sitting with other Noir supporters, right?"

"Yeah," Oba did not understand. "What about it?"

"It's because of your uniform!" the child exclaimed.

The man blinked, cluelessly, until the woman moved his hair so she could see. "This is...!" she gasped. "This uniform belongs to Higo, the player that betrayed Noir!" Oba went pale at the implications of that sentence. "You'd be dead if you wore this in the Noir stands!"

Oba did not speak, but Conan certainly did.

"Wait a second," he turned around to face Agasa, who flinched at the attention ─ or more like in anticipation of what was going to come next because of that attention. "Is that what you meant when you said he was definitely the killer?"

Everyone including ─ especially ─ Agasa gaped at that.

"But Agasa-san," the old man in question winced when the inspector turned to him. "That is circumstantial evidence. We need concrete evidence."

"A-Ah..."

"Don't worry," Conan grinned. "The Professor said it before. 'It should definitely be there', shouldn't we check, then?" his smile momentarily shifted into an arrogant smirk, moving closer to the culprit, before he returned to his childish persona, reaching up to hold his hand, moving his arm in the process. "Ah, I see it! It is there!"

Takagi and Megure frowned to each other, moving closer to see the imprint on Oba's arm. Without a doubt, it was the same, unique design on the murder weapon. He had most likely crossed his arms, weapon on hand, so nobody could see it and he could take it out anytime.

Oba then admitted to the crime.

Apparently, his twin brother was a soccer fanatic killed by Akano. He had found out about the deal when surfing on the internet ─ there was a post about Akano pushing someone down the stairs and he hadn't found out it was his sibling until he had met with the hooligan, who had smirked and asked 'You're still alive?'

And that uniform, that his brother used to wear to Noir games, had, ironically, been the reason he had been found out. He wondered if it had been a warning from his brother all along.

"If a supporter from Noir saw this uniform and told me, they could have stopped me from committing this horrible murder," he gave out a rueful smile, looking up into the sky. "If only someone said, 'What do you think you're doing?'... I..."

As the man was taken away, Conan found himself staring at him with a clueless expression.

"What do you think you're doing?" those words still resounded inside his head. What's with this? he frowned. This ominous feeling...

"By the way," he heard Genta say. "Isn't Haibara slow?"

"Eh?" Conan, for some reason, didn't like this at all. "She hasn't come back yet?"

"No," Mitsuhiko shook his head.

"Ah, over there!" Ayumi exclaimed, pointing somewhere. "On the other platform!"

His gaze flickered towards the way she had pointed at. Haibara was there, right on the platform across the group, standing between the legs of the people that were awaiting the train that was about to arrive.

She wasn't looking back at them, however, just gazed blankly up in the sky, as if she was deep in thought, mind somewhere else that not even Conan could see.

Her eyes were sad, as the breeze gently moved her hair out of her face. Haibara didn't seem to care.

"There is no place for a traitor," her words echoed on his mind.

"Because he can forget everything and run away to a place far away where people don't disapprove of him."

Conan felt his own eyes widening at his own accord, not failing to remember that one time that Ran, long ago, had told him about the time his brother had disappeared. She had said that she had just stood there, watching him running further and further away from her with a bright, reassuring smile on his face.

A bad feeling on the pit of her stomach had settled in, and hadn't been able to shake it off no matter how hard she had tried.

"A feeling?" seven year-old Conan blinked, confusedly. "What do you mean?"

"I just had it," she shrugged, a sad smile crossing her face. "I just knew that something was wrong. Very, very wrong."

Not taking his gaze off her, he unconsciously took a step forward. He didn't speak a word as he saw her, ever so slowly, turn her head towards his way, finally noticing the group there.

"It was as if..."

Before their eyes could meet, a train passed by, blocking his sight.

"... As if I would never, ever see Shinichi again."

And one, single through crossed his mind:

What do you think you're doing?!

His legs began to move on his own accord. He ignored his friends' surprised gasps as they watched him suddenly running away for no apparent rhyme and reason. He paid no mind to the people moving out of his way, not wanting to get run over by the young child. He didn't even notice some of them actually yelling at him to be more careful, after almost bumping on them.

Conan just ran up the stairs, two at the time, and didn't even stop upon reaching the top. He wasted no time and ran along the long hallway, before descending down another set.

The train had stopped in the platform, which prompted the boy to run even faster.

"Haibara-san!" he screamed, at the top of his lungs. "Haibara-san!"

All passengers had boarded and the train was now on its way. Mentally cursing himself for being so slow, he ran along the moving vehicle, as if he was fast enough to catch up with it.

But then, the boy tripped on his own feet. Groaning, loudly, he propped his body up, watching as the train became smaller and smaller, far from his grasp.

Gasping for air, the boy pushed himself back on his feet.

But it was too late now, since the train was nothing at a little dot in the distance, gradually shrinking in front of his eyes until it finally disappeared, just like that.

Blue eyes just watched the horizon, a blank stare fixed on the spot where the vehicle had just been a few moments before, as if wondering why it wasn't there.

It took a painfully long moment for Conan to realize the fact that the train was now long gone.

And so was that enigmatic girl. The one that went by the name of Haibara Ai.

The same insufferable young scientist that had came into his life so suddenly and teased him on a daily basis. The same he hadn't trusted at first, but had gradually grown on him until she was one of his dear friends, to whom he would confide his own life without a second thought.

The same little girl that was simply terrified, probably scarred from her old life, but was beginning to smile again. Who was learning how to be a kid, just like he had a few months before her.

Haibara Ai had been at his side for so long. Yet, he hadn't realized it until now.

She didn't...

Then, just like that, she left. As suddenly as she had arrived and without even saying goodbye.

His eyes closed shut.

"AI!" and the name teared away from his throat before he could help it.

"What do you want?"

Blue orbs opened far from their maximum capacity when he heard that voice.

Even the irritation tainting the words was unmistakable. He could even imagine those sharp, cold ─ yet, somehow, warm ─ eyes staring into his soul, raising an eyebrow as if wondering what wrong she had done in another life to be cursed by his presence ─ besides working for a illegal crime syndicate and creating a highly poisonous drug, anyway.

Turning around, their eyes finally met. As predicted, she was wearing that same exact expression.

"You're too loud," she stated, unblinking. "Did you think I ran away?"

"Uh..." he struggled to find his own voice. "No..."

Conan managed a weak, unconvincing chuckle, as Haibara simply turned around to face a supervisor who, in turn, handed her a radio. The boy simply blinked twice, while she placed the radio safely on her jacket, until he put two and two together. That's Mitsuhiko's radio... Was she looking for it?

His shoulders dropped, feeling utterly stupid but not bringing himself to care.

"You told me," Haibara wasn't even looking at him. "Not to run away. Not to run away from fate."

He did not answer, just looked back at her, waiting for her to finally make her point across.

She turned to him. He didn't expect what followed next.

"You will protect me, won't you?"

Conan honestly didn't understand where was all that coming from, but still managed an answer.

"... Y-Yeah," he barely whispered through the shock.

Haibara's expression remained there, unwavering, her eyes still fixed on his. A small smirk broke through, however, as she turned away.

"Well," she said. "I'm not a weak little princess who will ask for help."

"No," Conan's surprised expression gradually vanished. "You definitely are not."

The strawberry blonde simply stared at him, as if trying to see what lied behind his blue eyes and soft, barely noticeable, frown.

"As if someone like you would be a princess," then, a teasing smirk adorned the boy's face.

"Ah, that is true. I'm a queen."

"An ice queen, that is."

Haibara shook her head, before starting to walk away, probably towards the platform where the rest of their friends, plus the old professor, were probably waiting. Conan simply crossed his arms behind his head, catching up with her in no time.

"Did you know?" he casually said. "Higo-san made a V-goal," before smiling at her surprise. "The whole stadium suddenly cheered for him. Apparently, the booing was to motivate him."

"So why are you telling me all those stupid things?" she asked, almost defensively. "Don't lump me with a soccer freak like you."

"Ah, is that so?" Conan shrugged, his grin wide enough for her to tell that he had seen right through her lie.

Huffing irritably, she looked away.

"Forgive me for misunderstanding things," the boy continued. "It is kind of weird, though, considering your behavior throughout the day."

"Speaking of 'weird behaviour'," Conan decided he did not like the smirk on her face. "I found it incredibly unusual from you."

"What, exactly?"

"I was wondering what in the world possessed you to scream my name, my first name, across the platform like a mad man."

What followed next that a mess of sputtering nonsense, his face completely coloured in a lovely shade of red as he struggled to come up with a excuse. Haibara couldn't help but giggle at it.

"I'm just joking," she then sighed. "Rest assured, Kudo-kun. I didn't hear anything over the sound of the trains."

"A-Ah, I see."

She most definitely heard it.

"A-Anyway, Haibara-san, we should get going. Everyone is waiting."

Before she could even reply, the boy started to run, hoping that the previous topic would not come back again.

Smiling a bit, she followed.

A/N:

ajjr12: I didn't forget, so to say, but I figured it could go implicit that they both acepted Ai at the end, since I felt, at that time, that it wasn't going to provide something new to the story. And for the other thing you mentioned, I will see what I can do :)