Day 12

- Stay a Little Longer -

"I love you."

Have scarier words ever been murmured by that of Uchiha Sasuke? When he was with Orochimaru, hunting down his brother, getting stronger and stronger by the day — did he ever look at someone, look them right in their soul, in the trembling light of life hidden in the corners of their eyes, and say something so terrifying that it stopped their heart?

Hinata wakes up with those words rumbling in her stomach. She feels sick, unwilling to go to bed, to pick up her tired body and cleanse the haunting dreams from her mind with the warm spray of a shower. She would very much like to do anything but lie there and drown in the happenings of yesterday, but there's no energy in her limbs, and her head feels heavy, and her stomach rolls when she tries to turn onto her side, so she just lies there, remembering.

"I'm in love with you."

Hinata promised herself and Sasuke that she would not run away. This is a perfect example of something she'd like to run away from, but then she'd hate herself for the rest of her life — and Sasuke might hate her, too; that, she wouldn't be able to handle. She can handle self-hate like an old friend, but if Sasuke hated her . . . .

Hinata knows what it feels like to be on the brink of death. A cold stare, the slap of sand against her face, the roar of the gates closing her out — it all nearly killed her. If Sasuke hated her, she thinks her body would finally collapse after being on the brink for so long. It would shrivel. She'd perish.

Something about him loving her also makes her feel like she's toeing that line separating life from the other side. It's not the best feeling in the world, but it's something she doesn't really want to forget. If she could erase all those memories of yesterday, of the kiss — oh, Kami, that kiss — Hinata doesn't think she'd want to. Because, sure, her chest feels tight, and her stomach aches with a confession she doesn't think she deserves, but she doesn't want it gone. It's all because Sasuke . . . likes her.

He loves her.

People don't just do that.

That doesn't just happen.

Only once, and that was a miserable thing that only ended in pain. Will this one turn out the same way?

Will she hurt Sasuke?

Will he abandon her?

"I love you."

. . . But Sasuke doesn't say useless things. He doesn't flower his words.

Hyuugas, despite the eyes they are blessed with, cannot see the future. What point is there in worrying about things that may not happen? She hadn't rejected him. She asked if to take care of her, and he said he would — and Sasuke doesn't break his word. If he says he'll wait for you, then he will. If he says he'll kiss you, then he will.

The past has burned her soul and left her trust in others as a heap of ash, but even so, she will have to put it aside and put her trust in Sasuke.

She has to.

Because he —

"I'm in love with you, Hinata."

"Oh, Kami!" she bellows, smacking her fist into her pillow. "I get it, already."

She leers to the side, realizes no one's there — of course not — and turns pink. Oh. Now she's talking to herself.

Stomach still rolling, she shoves her upper body up and drags herself out of bed, hoping that a shower will be enough to get her to feel better. If she stays another moment in her room, after all, she might drive herself mad.

...

Throughout the months since her return to Konoha, Hinata has done good to make her house a perfectly good place to live. She has bowls in one cabinet and mugs in another, and she's sorted them in such a way that she has to make sure they're organized correctly every time she's done washing them. Her bedroom has a tall bookshelf that holds all her favorite books that she doesn't mind rereading for an eleventh or twelfth time if she so happens to get bored. The radio between her potted plants sits on two stacks of CDs with tracks that make her think of her days at the Academy, or time she spent with Hanabi and Neji, or piano pieces her father told her that her mother used to play. She has plants to take care of and a basket of yarn for knitting and enough ingredients in her panty to make any sort of dessert she could wish for.

Hinata has the perfect house.

And she wants to be anywhere but there.

Knitting is boring. The plants are healthy. The words of her books fall numb on her brain.

Nothing is distracting her, and looking at the same walls all day will make her lose her mind, she's sure! She's got to go out, so Hinata dresses appropriately for the weather, wonders if she'll be able to find Kiba or Shino or Kurenai out and about, and makes her way out of the door —

"Gah!"

Only to jump back inside when she nearly runs into the form of Sai, who stands on her front porch, chakra muffled and eyes steady on her frame.

"Good morning," he offers with a smile.

"Yes. Um, good . . ." The adrenaline coursing around makes the words hard to come out. "Can I — or rather, is there something you need, Sai?"

He tips his head to look into her home. "Is Sasuke here?"

That name makes her mouth warm up. Hinata shakes her head. "Oh, no, of course not."

"I figured," Sai says. "I've been here for eight minutes, and I haven't sensed him once."

E . . . Eight minutes? "You could have knocked," she says gently, hoping he doesn't take it the wrong way.

"Maybe," he agrees.

"You had your chakra hidden. If I'd known you were out there, I'd have let you in."

"That would be awful." Sai scratches the underside of his chin, looking thoughtful. "If you sensed me that whole time, then you'd think I'd be some freak stalking you."

I don't think he understands what I'm saying. "I-I guess it doesn't matter." Hinata moves to the side. "You can come in, if you want."

"Well, actually, I'm here for information." His tone fits an ANBU leader, and Hinata can't help but straighten her back. "I need your help. Personally."

"Of course, I'll try to help as much as I can." She shifts, hesitates, and tries again. "Won't you come inside?"

"You're a woman, aren't you?"

Surely, that's a rhetorical question. But the silence stretches, and his look is expectant, so Hinata finally answers, "Well, yes."

"Then you'd know the woman's perspective from first-hand experience," he confirms.

This must be about Ino. Relieved nothing terrible has happened that needs her immediate attention, Hinata smiles. "I'd say so, yes."

Sai fumbles, his ANBU sternness slipping. "I'd like to ask for your advice."

Truthfully, Hinata's not so keen on talking about romance and feelings right now; but Sai looks desperate, and he's got his mouth scrunched up like Hanabi does when she's accidentally broken something. There's no way she can say no, so (for the third time) she offers him to come inside. This time, he considers it for a moment, then shakes his head.

"Y-You want to talk about this on the porch?" she asks.

"I was hoping you'd come to my home," he explains.

"Oh." Well, he should have just said that. Hinata swipes her key from the side table, locks the door behind her, and is on her way. "I'll follow you."

His chakra flares up, the need to keep it hidden no longer necessary (though, if you ask Hinata, it wasn't necessary to begin with). His smile is wide and thankful and a little too big, but he's pleased, and Hinata's glad she could at least do this much for him.

...

Strangely, they're taking the exact same route she'd take to the Hyuuga complex. Hinata tries not to think too much about it, though she'd feel awful if it turns out he's lived close to her family's home without her ever realizing.

When they turn on a street, to the left, she can see the white castle of the compound, and Hinata only gives it a momentary glance before following Sai to an apartment complex she knows very well, as she used to pass it every day when going to the Academy.

He lives here?

All this time, and she never knew.

"I'm sorry," slips out before she can stop it.

Sai twirls around the little, metal ring that has his key attached to it. "What for?"

"O-Oh, um, nothing."

He invites her inside, and she waits by the front as he goes further inside. There are two, massive, dark bookcases in the living room, and Hinata feels a little intimidated by seeing all the books stuffed in them. There had to be at least three-hundred of them. Maybe more.

"When you asked for advice," she starts as he searches through the bookshelf, "I'm assuming you mean about Ino."

"Right." He doesn't look away.

"How . . . are things with her?" She's hesitant to come further inside without him inviting her to, but he came all that way to bring her here, so she supposes she ought to just come more inside.

Sai doesn't answer for a bit. He pulls out a book, checks the cover, then finally turns around. His lips are pursed, but not exactly frowning. "I'm unsure."

That doesn't sound good. "Did something happen?" she asks.

He peels the hard cover back, flipping through the pages in an aimless sort of fashion. "No. It's just hard. I'm having trouble reading her body language." His eyes tip up to momentarily gander her. "It's easy when it's you. I see why Sasuke likes you so much."

Oh dear. Somehow, she gets the feeling Sasuke wouldn't be too pleased if he knew Sai was saying these sorts of things.

He lands on a page, taps it with his finger, and gestures her over. She comes to his side, looking.

"Playing hard to get," he murmurs. "I feel like this might be what's happening."

Even though she knows well what that phrase means, Hinata takes a moment to read over the passage in the book. Playing hard to get does not sound like something Ino would do. She's the kind to go head-first to get what she wants, and she's never tried to play games or take the roundabout way to getting it. Hinata can tell Ino likes Sai, and vice versa. There's no reason for her to play hard to get with him.

"Can you explain it to me?" she asks. "What does she do, exactly?"

Sai hums. "Her words say one thing, but her body language says another. She pulls away when I try to hold her hand. She always pays for her own food, even when I offer to pay for both." His eyes lift as he thinks. "When I take her home, she runs inside, and she's always messing around with her hair, disappearing into bathrooms when we're together."

Ohhhh.

It's really hard to hold back her grin, but Hinata manages to push it into a smile. "Sai, I don't think she's playing hard to get."

His brows raise. "Oh?"

"I think she's shy."

"Shy." It sounds like a made-up word when he says it like that. "Hinata, you're shy. Ino — she's . . . ."

His trailing words end in an unsure quiet, and Hinata lifts her hands to the book to close it. "There's different types of shy." Not everyone is a bumbling mess like she is. "Looks are important to Ino, so I'm sure she's going into the bathroom to fix her hair and make-up, not to avoid you. And — well, Ino thinks relying on people makes her look desperate, so she always pays for herself."

"I'd like it if she relied on me," he comments, which gets a laugh from her.

"And, um, I think she would like to hold your hand if you asked. Sometimes, just asking gives us enough courage."

Sai gives her a look. "Does Sasuke —"

"Um!" Really. If he keeps bringing him up, her heart might explode. "As for walking her home, sometimes . . . sometimes, if a girl waits, she's expecting a — um — a k-kiss."

He chokes out a gasp, a faded pink touching the line of his nose, and his wide eyes stare into her. "She doesn't want to kiss me?'

"N-No." How does she explain this, exactly? "I think . . . Ino's nervous that if she waits too long, she'll get her hopes up for something that might not happen." Broken hopes is something Hinata knows well, so she can understand why Ino would try to avoid them. "If she waits there and you don't kiss her, she'll — she'll feel embarrassed, maybe, and ashamed."

"But I would kiss her."

"I'd kiss you, and I would like it."

Does every boy in Konoha use lines like that, or is it only these two? Hinata's heart feels winded, and she imagines Ino's would be the same if she heard those very words come from Sai.

"That's . . . good?" She's not really sure what to say to something like that. With Sasuke, she dared him, and she kissed him. There's no way she can do the same with Sai.

"Should I tell her that?" he asks.

Hinata likes to think that tomorrow, she'll wake up to Ino banging on her door. "You won't BELIEVE what Sai said yesterday!" she'll tell her, pacing around her living room. "It was the most — oh, Hinata, you wouldn't believe it if I told you." But Hinata would, and she'd keep it a secret that Sasuke's done the very same to her, and it also made her feel like she's the only one in the world that could comprehend such a way of happiness that you almost feel inhuman.

"Yes," she says with a smile, "I think you should."

A natural smile blooms on his face, and Hinata thinks if there's a girl that can make Sai smile such a dashing smile, she'd be the right one for him. Ino, you're a lucky girl.

...

Fitting his book back into its spot on the shelf, Sai asks, "Are you shy with Sasuke, or are you playing hard to get?"

Her nerves flare, and her muscles freeze up so hard that she's sure she'll be feeling sore later today. "D-Do I give the impression that I am?"

He looks at her, as if wondering why she'd ask such a thing. "How would I know?"

True. They don't see each other enough. "Then, um, has Sasuke mentioned it?"

Kami. If Sasuke's interpreting her nervousness as playing hard to get, she's not sure how she'll ever be able to look him in the face again.

"No," Sai says, gently, probably realizing the kind of state his words have put her in. "I'm only asking. It wasn't meant to imply anything."

That relaxes her a little. "You were just asking?"

He nods. "Because something's different about today." His fingers trace the spots under his eyes. "You look awful."

She does!?

Oh dear. Perhaps the sickness flopping around in her belly is taking a physical toll on her, as well. Before another word can be uttered, however, an awfully familiar chakra approaches the apartment complex, and Hinata feels her own level dip. Sasuke. Oh, no, now is not a good time. Panicked, she whispers to Sai that she's going to run to his bathroom to wipe her face, and he's not even a third of the way through directions when she rushes down the hallway, shuts the door behind her, and hangs over the bathroom sink.

Sai wasn't lying.

She looks like she's dying.

I wish he'd said something sooner, she moans to herself, turning on the faucet to splash water on her face. But then again, I guess he wouldn't really know that he should.

Rubbing that expression off her face, patting her face dry with a towel before fixing her hair, Hinata does as much as she can to look presentable. She can hear muffled voices behind her. Her anxiety spikes with how close Sasuke's chakra is, and she tries to prepare herself for whatever may happen.

It's just Sasuke, she thinks. Just Sasuke.

. . . Ugh. But there's nothing just about him!

If she stays in here any longer, it will look like she's hiding from him (she's not, right?); so Hinata hangs the towel back onto its hook, opens the door, and gets maybe two steps in before meeting Sasuke in the hallway. He looks a bit blindsighted, like that time when he had first walked her home.

"You really are here," he breathes.

It must look bad, coming out of Sai's bathroom after being alone with him in his own house. "W-We were just talking," she explains. "He needed help, so I — so I helped him."

"Hinata is very knowledgeable about romance," Sai adds, as if to help (which it doesn't).

Sasuke doesn't look concerned at all, which is good. His face isn't much of anything, but not so deadpan that it would be considered cold. He's just observing — observing her — and she's not really sure what to do about that.

". . . Lunch?"

"Huh?" she pipes, a little too loud.

Patiently, he tries again. "Do you want to have lunch with me?"

Her belly curls like a fist, reminding her of how absolutely unhungry she is. But Hinata thinks about what Sai said, about her being hard to get; he said it was just a question, but what if she really did give off that impression?

So, weakly, she says, "Okay."

...

When they leave Sai's place, they don't head towards any restaurant nearby.

Instead, Sasuke takes her to a park that's usually full with kids during the summer; but orientation is this week, so most of them are nowhere to be seen. He guides her to a bench and lets her sit. He doesn't join her. Instead, he's staring at the vending machines to the side, looking at the offered goods inside.

Hinata waits, and she squirms, and then she asks, "Um, is something the matter?"

Sasuke gives her a look.

It takes her a minute, but Hinata soon understands. He's caught onto her.

How embarrassing. "I guess I'm that obvious, huh?"

"Not really." Sasuke pulls out his wallet, cradling it with his palm as his thumb and forefinger work on pulling out some coins. "I just notice things."

"I wasn't trying to lie," she says.

"I know."

Not able to just sit still and watch, Hinata scooches over so she can hold his wallet for him, letting him pull out the coins he needs with ease. He thanks her quietly, and she folds his black leather wallet shut, holding it between her fingers, unsure how to feel about any of this.

"You like me, right?" Stupid question. He'd made it painfully clear yesterday.

"Yeah. I like you." But Sasuke doesn't seem to mind repeating himself.

It's not like she was expecting him to change his mind in the several hours they haven't seen each other; but, still, it's nice to hear. It's that dying feeling that she kind of likes, no matter how taboo that sounds.

He likes me. She looks at his profile. The sun makes his hair shine. I wonder how long.

"About a decade." He pushes his coins in, hits a button, and the machine rumbles as a drink falls out. He taps her forehead with the cool bottle of lemon water. "Ever since you first gave me one of these."

She takes it, stunned. "How did you —"

"I told you. I notice things."

He pushes two more coins in, grabs his own lemon water, and sits next to her. She's drawn to how he balances the bottle between his knees so that he can crack the lid open with his hand. A few months ago, she might not have been as used to his habits as she is currently. Now, when she watches him, all she can think is, That's Sasuke.

She wonders if there's anything she does that makes him think, That's Hinata.

"Usually, I use my teeth," he explains, "but I'm trying to not act like a wild animal around you."

She blushes and laughs. "That's not good for your teeth, Sasuke."

"Ah. Really?"

"Really."

They drink from their bottles. Hinata's face screws up at the sour taste, and Sasuke snorts. Her stomach still feels weird, but not sick.

"I won't run away," she tells him. She tells him because it feels like something's here, between them. Something she shouldn't let go. Hinata does not have good luck with these sorts of things. Her heart has been broken many times; but this, she hopes, is different. She has to believe it's different.

His face remains patient, and his eyes are kind. "Okay," he says. "Just don't make yourself sick."

We'll take our time. The words hum between them, and they soak into her skin and calm her nerves.

...

When he offers to walk her home, she lets him. The park isn't too far away from her home, so they're able to reach it within five minutes, and Hinata's both glad to be home and — and something.

Sasuke waits with her as she digs out her keys and opens the door. A blast of AC hits their faces, but she doesn't step into the cool luxury that is her house.

She stays on the porch with him, melting, and whispers, "You can stay a little longer, if you want."

His shoulders slope, and his smile is pleased. He walks in, and she shuts the door behind him, and she thinks, with Sasuke there, her home feels right.