67. Waiting

We tumbled out of the fireplace at Number Twelve Grimmauld Place moments later, tripping over the fire grate and hitting the floor. I caught myself with the heels of my hands and Severus landed on his knees behind me. My breath was forced out of me in a low groan, which promptly turned to weak coughing as I struggled to breathe through the ashen feeling in my throat.

"Are you alright?" Severus wheezed, coughing as well.

"Yes," I managed. After our desperate run through the passageway from the castle and through the downpour down the Hogsmeade high street, we were both still out of breath and gasping.

Severus got to his feet and walked quickly into the front corridor. I soon heard him casting additional protective spells on the door.

There was no storm in London, and the air outside the black glass windows was almost sinister in its silence. Only a slight whispering of wind.

I remained on all fours in front of the dark fireplace, pressing my hands into the floor and trembling. I breathed slowly, air rattling in my chest as my heart thundered.

The Marauder's Map was lying on the rug in front of me, and another low groan was forced from my body as my stomach clenched. The map was open, and the parchment had been torn during the chaotic passage through the floo network. Luckily the damaged section had not been completely ripped off. I crawled forward, my limbs shaking, and tapped my wand to the parchment, the fine old fibres showing at the torn edges.

"Papyrus Reparo," I croaked, and watched as the paper healed itself like skin. I coughed again, but more weakly now as my lungs recognised the safety of the ashless air.

Seeing and feeling my heartbeat in my eyes, I stared at the map of Hogwarts and the grounds. It was completely blank. Not a single ink footprint. The school was deserted.

I imagined the pumpkins floating in the great hall, smoke rising from the extinguished candles inside. The ghosts wandering aimlessly through the cold corridors, flickering with lightning.

It was the emptiness of the map which made reality set in. The wicked, who we'd thought were defeated and locked away forever, were out. Greyback, who had turned and killed so many; who had taken Remus's childhood from him. I had first seen the permanent, silver-sealed scar Greyback's teeth had made in Remus's shoulder in this very house, in the bedroom upstairs. Dolohov, who had killed Tonks, and had taken part in the murders of Molly's brothers in the first war, along with countless others. Rookwood, who had killed Fred and ruined me. And Lucius Malfoy, who had avoided incarceration after the first war, and shouldn't have been allowed to do so a second time.

Waves of terror rolled over me and I crouched over, letting my forehead press into the rug on the floor, touching the map as I breathed shakily. What if they found me? What would they do? Would I be able to fight back?

Severus's footsteps crossed the floor, and I could tell he was angry from the sound of them. He'd gotten his breath back, but it was still heavy. "Why did you go into the forest alone?" he demanded, his voice raised and intense. "You could have been hurt! What were you thinking!"

I was unable to respond, too lost in shock. He was silent for a moment, and I sensed a shift in his temper. His brief flare of anger had come from fear, and underneath it was a complicated concern for my well being. He bent down and touched my shoulder, but my body cringed away, shivering. The knowledge that Rookwood and Malfoy were on the loose had overwhelmed me with an awful physical fear, and I didn't want to be touched by a man–even one I trusted.

"Get away from me!" I gasped, as his touch echoed unpleasantly through my skin. "Please!"

He obeyed at once, withdrawing his touch but continuing to stand over me. "I need to check you," he said, with forced tenderness.

I understood his meaning. The night had been chaotic for me, from the run downhill through the freezing rain, to the stressful encounter with the creature, to the rough ride on the centaur's back, to the run to Hogsmeade and the journey through the floo network. We needed to know whether the child had survived it all.

"I can do it," I said. Poppy had taught me early on how to magically monitor the state of my pregnancy. I simply had to touch my wand to my belly. If the light which gathered and glowed at the tip was white, then the child was safe and healthy. If it was red, there was cause for concern. If it was blue, the colour of tears…

I trembled as I brought myself up to sit, my blood rushing to my head. Severus stood back, watching anxiously as I pressed my wand tip to my belly, looking down. There was a moment, and then the tip glowed white.

I shuddered, and let myself relax. Though my relationship with my pregnancy remained rife with struggles and bitterness, I did not want to go through another miscarriage.

"Is there a potion cupboard in the house?" Severus asked, his own relief evident in his voice.

I nodded. "Kitchen. Beside the cellar door."

While he was in the other room, I slowly worked my way to standing. I shuffled along the back of the couch, letting myself lean on it until I was strong enough to stand on my own. My hips were aching from all of the running, and my body was exhausted and drained of energy. On heavy feet, I went to the windows and looked out. The lamp posts were lit in the garden across the street, illuminating the dry leaves which rustled faintly on the threadbare tree branches. The city was quiet. Children were being put to bed.

Severus returned with two orange vials of invigoration draught, one for each of us, and one blue vial of draught of peace to be shared. He handed me one of the orange vials and I swallowed it greedily. Instantly my trembling went away, and I felt less weak. I could stand more firmly on the ground, and felt my blood flowing with more power through my veins. Severus then gave me the blue vial and I drank half of it before handing it to him to finish. We needed to stay alert, but couldn't have our nerves ripping us to threads in the meantime. The potion took its effect, and I felt my thoughts and emotions slowing to a normal pace. I hadn't even realised how rushed and hot they had been before. I could now feel the cold wetness of my robes sticking to my skin. Severus had also forgotten to dry himself, and I directed a stream of warm air over his body before doing the same to my own.

"Incendio," Severus intoned, pointing his wand at the fireplace. Flames flared to life, filling the room with flickering light and a slow, soft warmth.

I watched Severus for signs of fear. Every dark wizard who had escaped from Azkaban tonight would gladly have his head. Some had said so quite openly at their trials before the Wizengamot last summer. But Severus's face was void of emotion. While the calming draught had allowed me to be more in tune and at ease with my emotions, it seemed to have enabled Severus to hide his own, as usual.

"What are you looking at?" he said, without turning his eyes to me.

I didn't answer.

He waved his wand and conjured his light blue doe. "We have reached safety, and await further information," he said. For a moment he hesitated as he pictured the recipient. And briefly, I knew exactly what he was thinking. In times now past, he'd have sent such a message to Albus Dumbledore. The doe turned and dashed away, disappearing in a streak of light. I knew that the message had gone to Minerva.

I thought suddenly of Remus, as I had done in the underground passageway minutes before. Now that Greyback was roaming unchecked, Remus could be in danger. Did he even know about the breakout yet? There was a chance he was on the continent–Sirius had said he'd once gone regularly to Norway and Germany for his transformations, when I'd used the Resurrection Stone. But even if he were hiding there, I knew that Greyback was capable of hunting him down and hurting him. Even killing him.

Or using him.

I raised my wand, pushing down my fear in order to access the happy memory. Snowflakes. Teddy's weight and warmth against my chest. The softness of Remus's lips.

I waved my wand. "Expect–"

"No," Severus interrupted, his voice firm and sharp.

I stopped mid-spell and looked at him. His eyes were dark and full of warning.

"You just sent one to Minerva!" I protested.

"McGonagall and Lupin are quite different. We must only send messages to those we know for certain have not been compromised."

I held back my instinct to argue. I knew he was right. He was not attacking Remus's character, but stating the possibility that Remus could be near people who would abuse any information I passed to him through the patronus.

My blood ran cold as I considered it.

What if Remus's prolonged absence was somehow connected to all of this? The creatures? The breakout? Had he received my patronuses all along, but been unable to respond? A dream I had months ago came back to me. Remus, sitting in a dark cave, while the endless blue light of my patronuses flickered across his eyes, his scars. Wandless, hands bound…

The awful images forced me to sit down, and I stared into the flames in desperate silence. My fears were too big, as was the unknown. I had no capacity to worry about Remus right now, and it wouldn't do any good anyway. I knew Severus was right about not sending him any more patronuses, even if I didn't like it. My eyes welled with tears, but I forced them down and let my mind wander away from the terrifying thoughts.

Severus began to pace. His footsteps sounded, back and forth, back and forth across the floor in front of the windows. The sound was driving me mad, and I stood up.

"I'm going to make tea," I said, suddenly driven to busy my hands with the familiar and comforting task.

"Tea isn't going to solve anything," Severus snapped.

Bitterness filled my mouth. "I'm not trying to solve…" I started, but I knew there was no point in reasoning with him. I held down a sound of frustration and left the room as he continued to pace.

He'd lit the lamps over the long table when he'd entered to search the potion cupboard. The heavy black kettle was already sitting on the cooktop. I filled it with water with a tap of my wand, and started the flame.

My hands were steady despite my anxiety as I pulled open one of the drawers and took out a wooden box of richly fragrant tea. I may have been helpless in the grand scheme of things, in this moment of chaos and uncertainty. But I could at least do this.

As I prepared the leaves, waiting for the water to heat, more fears entered my mind. I worried for Dennis, but at least I knew that Poppy would stay with him. It was the thought of Phoebe which distressed me. I remembered the glimpse of her frightened face in the crowd of students rushing out the doors. I imagined her sitting on the train as it travelled through the tempestuous storm up North, her hands twisting in her lap as the other children spoke in whispers, afraid of what would become of her once she reached London. The thought of her alone, with nowhere to go, and while our world was as dangerous as it currently was, drove me to desperate thoughts. Severus certainly couldn't leave this place, but perhaps I could. Only for a little while… just long enough to walk the twenty minutes to King's Cross station and retrieve Phoebe. She could wait out the madness here, where it was safe. We could sit by the fire until the chaos passed.

The water started to boil, a low warbling building in the kettle's spout.

"Severus?" I called into the other room. He made no response, but I knew he'd heard me. "When the train arrives in London, I want to go and get Phoebe Elson."

"You cannot," came the brittle reply.

"But she has nowhere to go!"

"Perhaps she will arrange to go home with one of her peers."

"But–"

"It's out of the question."

The kettle was whistling and I didn't bother being gentle as I moved it heavily off of the flame, making a loud clattering sound to express my anger.

I breathed deeply, and pressed my hands to my head, working to quell my childish impulses. I kept my movements steady and quiet as I opened one of the cabinets and took down two mugs. The ones that Remus and I had gotten for the place. When we'd come here a year ago, there had been only dainty little tea cups, which Remus had deemed disgraceful.

I looked at the mugs with furrowed eyebrows. I would give Severus the one I'd always used, and use Remus's myself.

"I'm making you some," I called into the other room as I poured the piping water into the mugs, and set the tea in the water to steep.

"I don't want it," Severus replied coldly.

I felt a shock of aggravation from my wand, but kept myself calm. I carried the two steaming mugs out of the kitchen and set Severus's down on the windowsill, where it began to fog up the cold glass. Severus continued pacing, not bothering to look at the tea, or at me.

"It might do you some good," I said, trying to give him a second chance with my gentle tone.

He stopped pacing and shot me a brief, contemptuous glare. "Since when are you so motherly."

I could see he regretted it from the way his shoulders tensed the moment the words were out. But the damage done by his scathing tone was irreversible.

I bristled. "We're not going to make it far if–"

"I know," he said tightly. "I apologise."

"You wouldn't have to apologise so often if you could manage to avoid saying cruel things."

He didn't respond, looking out the window and hiding his face. I had been trying hard to accept the fact of my pregnancy for weeks now, and here Severus was, completely offending and resenting the part of myself that struggled so much to do so. I didn't care that he seemed to regret what he'd said. He'd still said it, and I knew that part of him really meant it.

"I'm trying my best," I said, my voice rising. "None of this was exactly my choice!"

"I told you I didn't want the tea."

I clenched my teeth, carelessly jumping to conclusions about his intentions. "Are you honestly comparing a fucking mug of tea to my–"

He finally wheeled around to face me, his eyes smouldering. "Please."

I knew not to push him any further. His tone had taken on that tone of sharp, deep frustration which I knew could turn quickly into dangerous ire if the embers were poked too much.

Forcing myself to turn away, I sat down on the couch and held Remus's old mug against my belly until my skin itched and burned uncomfortably. Then I moved it up between my breasts. Severus began to pace again.

Worry filled me as I wondered how long we would have to stay here together. I knew that Minerva would probably tell us not to move until the danger was brought to an end. But how long that would take, I couldn't guess. Given how things were going between us at present, I didn't think I could withstand more than two days.

I softly sent my breath over the surface of the tea, and took my first sip. I listened to the sound of Severus's footsteps, allowing them to pass through me, willing myself not to become exasperated by the sound. "Did you see anything useful in Dennis's memory?" I asked.

Severus didn't respond, and I decided to allow the silence. I didn't want to talk to him right now anyway.

Minerva's patronus arrived after another tense minute, a blue cat which walked in circles as it delivered her message.

"The students are safely aboard the train, and it is making its way south protected by aurors. The Carrow siblings have been sighted near Edinburgh and myself and the other teachers are apparating there presently. It is in your best interest to stay put indefinitely. I know this is not what either of you want to hear, but it is absolutely necessary. Do not go outside under any circumstances."

The cat turned around once more and then disappeared.

"Brilliant," Severus spat darkly.

I ignored his seething tone and stared at the Marauder's Map on the couch beside me. For a long time it remained empty. Then two ink footprints appeared at the edge of the parchment.

Rubeus Hagrid.

I remembered Hagrid's promise to remain at the school, words carrying over the chaos.

I watched as his ink footprints walked first to his cabin, likely to retrieve the wolves and his kneazle Pouncer, and then up the hill to the castle. He entered the great hall and then the footprints stopped. I figured he must have sat down, settling in for the indefinite wait.

Severus, however, could not stay still. He continued to pace. I had never seen him do so before. In moments of high stress he seemed to revert to intense stillness, or to flee. It was my instinct to stay near him, sensing that if he was left alone he might shatter somehow. I was also afraid that he would suddenly apparate out of the house and leave me alone without warning. I stayed still, listening to the beating of my heart with hard-won patience as I slowly drank my tea and continued to watch Hagrid on the map.

I didn't know whether Severus's pacing was an unconscious result of restlessness and a sense of captivity, or an attempt to focus his thoughts. Regardless, I was nearing the end of my rope, and planned to go upstairs to escape the tumultuous energy that rolled off of his body in drowning waves. It was making my mind travel down dangerous rabbit holes. What if Hagrid was not simply sitting still, but had somehow been attacked by a creature who had made it into the castle? What if he was lying on the flagstones, the wolves and the kneazle whimpering over him?

I shoved the thought from my mind. "Mischief managed," I whispered, and folded the map as the ink began to fade and disappear.

I stood up, looking over at Severus to tell him I was going upstairs. But before I could speak, I saw something outside the window that silenced every cell in my body. My wrist weakened, and hot tea spilled down the front of my robes.

Severus looked over at me sharply, but his eyes changed when he saw my shocked expression.

He followed my gaze, turning his face towards the window.

His body grew equally still at the sight of the green skull which hung in the dark city sky to the south, a snake slithering forth from its mouth.