NOTE

Warning for negative thoughts/self image, and manipulation of animals.

77. Hogsmeade

Hogsmeade village seemed a collection of toy houses under the expanse of the cold cloudy sky. A slow, soft snow fell on the roofs, and the cobblestone streets were deserted.

It felt like ages since I'd been here. But it had only been eleven days.

Arthur had sent a patronus ahead to Madam Rosmerta, and when we arrived outside the three broomsticks she invited us in warmly. The smells of breakfast wafted out into the street, and I lingered there for a few moments longer, staring at the grey silhouette of Hogwarts in the near distance.

For the first time in months I knew for certain where Remus was. The evidence was written on the map which I was still clutching like a raft in a storm.

I wanted to go at once. My whole body yearned for it so deeply that I was almost foolish enough to think that I might be able to apparate without my wand.

But I knew it was impossible. And my wand was still hidden away somewhere, protected and kept from me by Severus.

He did not enter the inn as long as I remained outside. He stood by the door, not looking at me but clearly waiting for me to go in. I stared at the castle for a moment longer. Its towering turrets and arches. A fortress to be taken.

Not yet.

But soon.

I forced my eyes away, and walked through the noxious cloud of Severus's silence into the three broomsticks.

The others were sitting and standing around the room while Madam Rosmerta made steaming breakfast plates hover to the longest table. I looked numbly at the food and there was a faint pinch in my belly when I realised I didn't feel nauseous.

I had no desire to eat, and the subject of the conversation which was soon underway was a worthy excuse for my lack of appetite. I watched the map obsessively while the others spoke. Remus's ink footsteps had still not moved a millimetre–and it may have been a trick of my imagination, but I was convinced that his name had faded slightly since the forest.

"The passageway," Arthur was insisting. "It's the only way they could have gotten past the wards."

Neville shook his head. "Remus would never."

"He would if he was forced," Ginny said.

"Any of us would," Luna empathised.

"I am not trying to insult his character," Arthur continued. "But it's certain that Greyback wouldn't have known about the passageway otherwise." He looked at Madam Rosmerta. "Was there any suspicious activity around the Shrieking Shack this morning? Anything that anybody noticed?"

Madam Rosmerta shook her head. "Everyone must have been asleep when it happened."

"Yes…" Arthur sighed. "Even Harry didn't notice the changes on the map until early this morning."

"And Greyback and the others left the forest in the middle of the night," I said.

There was a moment of tense, thoughtful silence.

"We'll have to use the passageway ourselves, then," Neville said. "That's the only way. They'll smell us coming otherwise."

I shivered slightly.

Arthur nodded to himself. "It would be extremely dangerous to attempt… but yes. At present, that looks like our only choice."

"Let's not rush things, Arthur." Severus's slow deep voice filled the room. "There are only four people inside the castle at this moment. The others are likely hiding in the Forbidden Forest, awaiting the ideal time to strike. In werewolf form or not, if they ambush us in the middle of the passageway, we'll have walked into a death trap."

Arthur listened, and seemed to agree that the mission should not be rushed. I felt a burning heat in my stomach. I wanted to go now.

"Wilma," Arthur said, his forehead creased in thought. "Let's see the map."

I stepped forward and spread the Marauder's Map out on the table. There was a long silence as everyone leaned forward to study it.

"Shouldn't we put up wards around Hogsmeade first?" Neville proposed. "If we do that, then we can use the passageway from Honeydukes and it will be off limits to the others."

"Good idea," Luna praised.

Arthur murmured to himself, tracing the passageway which led from the shrieking shack to the whomping willow. "There is still the risk that they will use this one… But, yes. That would certainly improve our chances. Today is the eleventh of November. Which means we have… twelve days until the full moon. That's more than enough time to formulate a plan. Severus is right, we mustn't be too hasty."

I felt my body's urge to snap, but held myself back. I needed to keep myself under control. "No," I insisted, my voice strained. "We can't be hasty enough! He's dying!"

"What makes you think that?" Neville asked worriedly.

I pointed to Remus's name and the motionless footprints, my voice finally breaking. "The ink is fading! Look!"

"Wilma…" Arthur said, placing his palm on the table near my hand. "Calm down."

My fire flared up but I bottled it firmly inside. I stepped away from the table, fuming, and pressed my hands into the wooden bar, breathing in and out. Madam Rosmerta cast me a deeply concerned glance. I wanted to hiss at her.

Arthur continued to speak at the head of the table behind me. "Remus will certainly find the will to stay alive a few days longer, while we ensure that it is safe for us to proceed. We need to spend a few days observing the patterns of where Greyback and his guards move within the castle, and develop a plan of attack from there."

"The wards should be our first priority," Ginny said.

Luna nodded.

"Yes," Arthur agreed. He stood from the table, and the others followed, everyone walking steadily towards the door to the street. "Neville, Luna, take the forest side. George, Ginny, take the station side. Keep the boundary as close to the edge of the village as possible. We don't want them to sense the wards until the final moment, if they attempt to attack us here."

"I'll go speak to the Flumes about the plan," Madam Rosmerta said. "And tell Euphemius to bring his flock into the village for now."

The others had stepped out onto the snowy cobblestones, and I tried to follow. But at that very moment Poppy Pomfrey apparated into the street, and deduced the situation in a flash. "No, no," she said, her eyes landing on me. "You're not going anywhere."

"I have to–"

Her eyes were icy from exhaustion. "How many hours did you sleep last night?"

"There are more important things than sleep," I pleaded.

"Not for your body," Poppy said firmly. She was fully blocking my way now. "Please, step back inside."

I did so, glowering at the floor.

"Severus," Poppy said. He had remained nearby, and directed all of his attention towards Poppy to avoid looking at me. "Is there any dreamless sleep on hand?"

My blood was boiling. "I'm not taking that."

"A simple sleeping draught, then?" Poppy said.

"No," Severus said.

"Do you have the ability to brew it here?"

"Possibly," he answered.

"This is ridiculous," I protested. "I'm staying awake."

Poppy sighed deeply, her impatience evident. "Wilma. You've been violently attacked. You've been put under the Cruciatus Curse. And you've miscarried. Under any other circumstances, you'd be in hospital. Regardless of the state of the world, at this moment you are my patient and you need bed rest. There is no question, no negotiation."

It took everything I had to resist arguing. I reminded myself of the verdict which had been reached by Arthur. No-one would be attacking the castle today. That was certain. Although I found the thought of waiting and sleeping intolerable, I knew there was no chance of sneaking off on my own in broad daylight. Not with Severus and Poppy watching me like two hawks. If I used the day to sleep, I would be able to approach whatever happened tomorrow with a sharper mind than I presently possessed.

Severus was already summoning various ingredients to one of the tables. Three dusty vials came hovering out of another room, along with a small wooden box. A small old cauldron floated up from behind the bar and set itself on the table. Severus uncorked one of the vials and sniffed gently. "It won't be very potent," he intoned. "But it will suffice."

"That's all we need," Poppy said.

I felt like a child, completely ignored, as Severus placed the ingredients in order on the table beside the cauldron, vanishing the layers of dust with a wave of his hand. I watched with burning envy as he used his magic to prop up the cauldron and improvise a flame beneath it.

"I need to speak to Arthur," Poppy said. She gave me a significant look which insisted that I stay here, and then she went out into the snow.

The large room was silent but for the sound of Severus working over the cauldron. He was behaving as though I wasn't there.

Just as well.

I wandered over to the table where the Marauder's Map was laid out. Greyback was still in the headmaster's office. His two guards were pacing in the entryway, and Remus had not moved. I desperately wished I could send him my patronus. But it was impossible without my wand.

I looked over at Severus, who was now measuring out the contents of the small wooden box. It felt like a great risk to even approach him, but I did. His stance did not alter in the slightest as I stood at his side, watching his hands work. The silence was painful.

"I can powder the lavender," I offered.

His nostrils flared slightly as he exhaled. "Sit."

I stared at his face, my desire to build a bridge already fading and collapsing into more anger. "You're not even going to let me do this?"

"No."

"Why?"

"You haven't slept and are likely to make mistakes."

I stiffened. "I can powder the bloody lavender, Severus."

I reached for the vial which held the dry flowers but he grabbed my wrist in a sudden movement, his grip firm. I flinched, and felt an unpleasant echo in my throat.

"You know I don't like that," I said quietly.

He let go of my wrist, and I studied him, hurt. "You haven't slept either," I said, in a final attempt at empathy.

"Of the two of us, I am less susceptible to the effects of exhaustion."

My eyes burned, and I turned away from him, giving up. "Fuck you," I muttered.

Severus's voice sounded behind me, low and soft, with a threatening edge. "The expletive makes me faithful in the maturity of your emotions."

I had to bite back bitter laughter. Two can play. "The eloquence of your insult makes me believe that you're genuinely feeling nothing underneath."

He didn't look at me, but the increased tension in his back spoke volumes.

"Sit. Down."

"Oh, how dangerous," I spat. "I'm not a child."

He wheeled around. His face was emotionless and his eyes were freezing cold. My heart pounded as he strode towards me and grabbed my shoulders, pushing me down into a chair. It took a moment for my body to catch up to the sudden change. He held me there for a moment, his fingers bruising, and then he went back to his work.

Infuriated and defeated, I rested my head on the table and watched the little ink footprints on the map through a thin film of unshed tears.

Movement outside the snowy windows drew my eye, and I sat up straight at the sight of a wolf.

I hardly sensed my body as I rose and went to the window to look out. A smaller wolf was loping down the cobbled street and playfully bumped the first one with its nose. I recognised the two wolves I had rescued in April. Following them was Hagrid's kneazle Pouncer, wide green eyes and long yellow fur. They must have escaped the castle after Hagrid had been attacked by one of the creatures.

I went to the door and opened it to the freezing cold. Snowflakes blew in on the soft November breeze. The wolves turned their heads in tandem as they caught my scent, and then came running up to me. I squatted down to rub their grey fur. The little one lapped at my chin with his pink tongue and the mother rested one paw over my thigh in greeting.

Neville and Luna were walking down the high street. "Are those Hagrid's?" Neville called.

The wolves went running at the sound of his voice, and the young one jumped up against Neville's leg while the mother sniffed around Luna's knees.

The bright green eyes of the kneazle were fixed on me, and I returned his gaze with respect, feeling inadequate. His yellow body moved slowly and gracefully as he stepped over the cobblestones and approached me. I kept still as he rubbed against my leg and purred.

I remembered how he had curled up in my lap when I'd returned to Hogwarts, after my time of healing at the Burrow. Kneazles were known to be excellent judges of character. It had made me feel relieved then, to know that such a creature would willingly approach my tired, abused body. I felt the same relief now. Pouncer's trust in me meant that I hadn't entirely lost my good side.

I scratched behind his ears, and he let me pick him up. He rested his paws over my shoulder and his whiskered cheek nuzzled my neck, his warm body fitting against me perfectly. He purred loudly, sending comforting vibrations through my chest. I stood up and his tail swished softly against my belly. I rubbed his soft fur and scratched under his chin, making him purr louder. I began to sway gently, feeling like a person again, if only for a moment.

Neville and Luna came along, bringing the wolves inside with them. I stood by the cold doorway with Pouncer, leaning against the wall. I felt eyes on me and turned to see Severus watching, his expression numb.

A bitter tightness asserted itself in my intestines. I was cuddling Pouncer as I might have held and swayed a baby.

I swiftly looked away and set the kneazle down on the floorboards. I shooed him away. but he meowed, and prowled over to one of the chairs, sitting on it and looking between me and Severus, who continued to silently brew the sleeping draught.

"Wards are up on the forest side," Neville said, when Poppy, Ginny, and Madam Rosmerta returned.

"Train side too," Ginny said.

"Nearly finished," Severus said to Poppy in an undertone, when she neared his table to peer into the cauldron.

I focused harder on the map, as though staring at it would make it impossible for me to be forced to sleep.

"We'll watch it closely," Ginny reassured me.

I studied her, her clear grey eyes and her wise, strong face. She had changed so much since childhood. "If anything changes, please wake me," I said, to her and her alone.

Ginny looked at me steadily, and when she nodded her head I knew she was being honest.

The potion was complete. A shade of purple darker than dreamless sleep, letting off a thin, pale steam. Severus filled a vial and handed it to Poppy, who handed it to me. Her eyes looked into mine, full of humanity, but also a strictness which demanded to be heeded after many years of experience. "You need eight hours of rest. If you cannot sleep the whole time, you must at least remain in bed. I will not allow you out of your room until four o'clock."

As she placed the vial in my hand I heard the silence of the others. I felt like I was being punished.

Severus was cleaning up his workspace. I should have thanked him. Had we been strangers, with no relationship to one another, I'd have done so with great tenderness and appreciation. But here we were, wife and husband, and I couldn't even bear to look at him for longer than a moment.

Madam Rosmerta broke the silence. "You can choose any room you like."

Passing Neville and Luna, I walked towards the stairs which led up to the rooms. Pouncer followed me, jumping off the chair with a purr and trailing along at my heels.

The stairs creaked as I ascended, the vial of sleeping draught heavy in my hand.

The hallway felt narrow, dark and dusty. I walked to the very end and opened the last door.

A small bed. A small bedside table. A lamp. A window with a white sash.

Pouncer brushed past my ankles and went inside first, jumping up on the bed. I stepped in and closed the door around but didn't shut it completely, so he would be able to leave if he wanted to.

I pulled the covers down and Pouncer settled into a purring ball of fur near the pillow. The cold light came through the window and glinted off of the glass vial. I held back tears as I uncorked it and swallowed it in one go. It was bitter.

I laid down in the bed and wrapped my arm around Pouncer, who purred more gently. As my head rested on the pillow, I hoped I would have another vision. Something which would tell us how to proceed. Something would keep me from feeling entirely useless.

As though my worries were heavy stones pulling me to the bottom of the deepest ocean, I sank into sleep.

I woke in darkness. The snow had turned to an icy rain, and the clock on the wall read eleven. I had slept for fifteen hours straight, with no dreams. Pouncer had left the bed, and I wandered downstairs on quiet feet, alone.

The wolves were curled up together on a blanket by the fire, and Luna sat at the table watching the Marauder's Map. She looked up at me with a soft smile and slightly lifted eyebrows. I stood beside her and studied the map. Remus was still in the dungeon, Greyback in the headmaster's office, and the two strangers in the great hall.

I held my breath.

To reach Remus I would have to get past the two guards. They would surely detect my scent before I was all the way down the grand staircase. But the tiny ink dots which represented their bodies were motionless at present. Perhaps they were sleeping.

My heart raced, and my mind rushed ahead of reason.

"I can take over for the night," I said to Luna. "I'm rested."

"Oh, that's alright," Luna said. "I like being awake at night."

I hid my aggravation behind a firm shield. "Is anyone else awake?"

"I don't think so. No-one's been down here for an hour, anyway."

"Have you seen Pouncer?"

"He went outside," Luna said. "I left the door open for him."

I felt my eyes grow brighter as I looked at the door, which was open a crack to the black and freezing rain.

"I think I'll go look for him," I said, already starting towards the door.

Luna watched me with perceptive eyes. "Good luck."

My clothes were soaked within seconds. The raindrops pierced like needles, stinging my skin. The snow in the street had been turned to grey slush by the water, and there was no light. I looked up the high street towards Honeydukes. The windows were dark; the Flumes were asleep.

I didn't make it more than ten paces before the door of the three broomsticks opened behind me. I knew it was Severus before I turned around. His eyes were hard with exasperation and anger, and his face was so tense it looked painful.

"What do you think you're doing?" he said, his voice a low hiss. "You don't even have a wand."

"Then give it to me."

"Why would I do that."

It had only been a few seconds and I was already trembling from emotion. "Because you want to be rid of me."

"What makes you think that."

"Oh, I wonder."

"Get back inside. Now."

"STOP GIVING ME ORDERS."

There was a fiery pause. Then Severus spoke again, and after that the words came so quickly that I had no time to think.

"Do you love me? Don't tell me you don't know."

"I do love you," I said, quaking with fury.

"But you love him more."

"No."

"Admit it," he said, teeth bared.

"It's not the same."

"Explain." His eyes disassembled me, but there was nothing hidden inside for him to see. Nothing.

"I don't even care if he still loves me," I said, recognising the truth as I heard it for the first time. "I don't care. He's my friend."

Severus grimaced. "Don't lie to yourself, it's pathetic."

"If you had it your way he would die this second, wouldn't he?" I questioned, my throat hot and aching with unshed tears. His eyes were black and motionless, trapped by a question he could not answer. "Wouldn't he?"

"Did you think you could take on Fenrir Greyback without a wand?" he sneered, changing the subject.

"I had no plan."

"Was this a suicide mission?"

"No."

"How could you be so foolish!" He was shouting now and I took a step back, my body shaking like a bowstring after the arrow's been let loose.

My words poured out of me like a waterfall of anger. "Because I love him! It doesn't matter how, I just do, and you don't let the people you love die!"

Severus's face went as still as stone. My heart went limp, my breath caught in my chest. "I didn't mean…"

Each word came out of him like a small dagger. "Don't you understand, you stubborn, ridiculous girl. I will not let you die. I will not let you."

Tears sprang into my eyes and my hands clenched into fists. "You make me so angry. You don't have any control. If I die, I die. It's not up to you. Stop trying to protect me. You can't."

His eyes burned with anguish. There was a pause which lasted only the length of a breath. I felt myself shrink in the presence of the open wound which was his heart; a weak and throbbing thing despite the towering walls surrounding it. I knew he was remembering what had happened with Lucius and Rookwood in the forest.

"Do you truly think that escaped my notice?" he whispered. "Do you have any idea what it was like?"

My stomach clenched. "Please. Don't."

His voice rose, full of desperation. "Stop pretending I wasn't there!"

"I can't think about it," I said, my eyes welling up.

"Your silence is eating me apart."

"What do you want me to do, Severus? Describe the sensations in detail?"

"No," he said in frustration.

"Then what? I don't know what you want from me!"

He stepped forward, his body both gentle and terrifying. "I only want you."

"STOP!"

My voice ripped through me like the roar of an animal. My body folded over and I pressed the heels of my hands into my knees as I began to sob. I tried to pull myself up, to force myself to stand, but I couldn't. The bitter rain pierced into my back. I knew I was no longer going to the passageway tonight.

I felt Severus grow nearer. "Why are you afraid of me?" he murmured. His hand rested on my shoulder. "I love you."

And I knew he meant it. And that was why I was afraid.

His deep emotions surrounded me like water, but I was numb to them.

"I can't be…" I whispered, my voice quieter than the rain.

"What?" Severus said.

I shook my head, unable to think straight. "I'm not her. I'm not…. Anything…"

"Wilma." His hand slid lower on my back, and I shivered.

He lifted me up and held me still, one hand on my waist and one resting against my cheek. His touch was so soft that it hurt. "I don't want you to be her. I never did."

The only definable emotion in my body was the size of a thimble. Shame.

"I'm not even me anymore."

He pulled me close, his arms strong, his clothes soaked and cold. I could hear his heart beating and the deep vibration of his voice, but my body wouldn't relax. I felt trapped and suffocated.

"I am sorry for what I did last night," he said. "I did you harm."

"It was my fault," I said stiffly, shuddering from the cold rain. "I wouldn't stop."

"I should have insisted."

"I'm sorry I lost the baby," I said suddenly. His arms tightened around my small body and my face went numb with confusion. "I know you wanted it."

Severus's fingers slipped through my dripping hair and tightened cautiously. "It wasn't about the child. It was about you. The child was a way of being with you."

My neck felt uncomfortably twisted. Severus drew away from me just enough to look down at my face. I hid my eyes, staring at the cobblestones and the dissolving snow.

"Look at me," he said.

I looked up at him, but my eyes wouldn't focus. I was drifting.

My body was so blank and slow that I didn't realise he was going to kiss me until he already was. His hands were holding the back of my head. I could barely feel his lips. Only the cold rain on my face, and the feverish warmth of his tongue. I didn't want to feel. I just wanted to be alone, and not to hurt him anymore. I wanted all of this to go away.

His kiss was a plea. For my heart to echo his own. For me to miraculously become some past version of myself. To embody some glimpse he'd seen in some moment, which had convinced him I was someone I was now certain I had never been, and would never be.

It ended, and his eyes were so close, covering mine like a blanket thrown over a fire.

"I can't feel you anymore," I said, moving away from his hands. "I'm too tired."

He touched me again, his fingertips brushing my arm, but I shifted out of his reach.

There was silence. My hard breathing. His gaze darkening with need.

Then he stepped back, releasing me fully.

I walked back inside and up the stairs, and shut the door of my room.

Over breakfast the suggestion was made to use the wolves as spies.

I was holding Pouncer against my chest, and the little wolf was resting his chin on my knee, his eyes begging for attention. I looked down at him and he softly whined.

"No," I said, interrupting the murmurs of reluctant agreement around the table.

Arthur looked at me, his eyes hard with stress. "It would be the easiest way of keeping an eye on Magnus and the other hostages. Severus can use Legilimency to see what they have seen upon their return. No-one would suspect a pair of wolves in the forbidden forest."

I raised my voice. "If Magnus sees through it he'll kill them."

"Wilma," Ginny said softly.

I glared at Arthur, whose face was a mask of patience.

"They will not be suspicious," he said. "We can clear them of our scents. And they don't have to be seen. They can remain in the shadows."

"You can't force them," I protested. "It's cruel!"

"How else do you suggest we proceed?" he said sharply.

I knew the time was ticking down to the full moon. But the thought of the wolves being used as pawns in the conflict felt fundamentally wrong. I stood from the table and walked upstairs with Pouncer, refusing to be involved in the decision.

In the end the others all agreed with Arthur. The wolves were sent out of Hogsmeade an hour later, Severus planting an awareness of their mission in their minds. I stood at the top of the high street and watched them leave the protection of the wards, going past the shrieking shack and into the forest.

The day limped by, minute by minute. Last night's rain had ended and the sky was a tarnished silver colour. I spent the afternoon bent over the map. The presence of the two strangers in the castle worried me. Certainly they were werewolves, like all the others who had been brought north by Greyback and Magnus. But it was unclear whether they had been turned against their will, or were voluntarily serving the two leaders. They could have been under the Imperius curse for all we knew.

Night fell and at Poppy's behest I took another vial of sleeping draught. Pouncer stayed curled up beside me, emitting his soft, soothing purr.

I woke after a few hours, to the sound of a cold, howling wind outside. My wakefulness hadn't been brutally sparked by some vision or dream. But I sensed that there had been some subtle shift or change to cause my mind and body to stir.

A moment later there were footsteps in the hallway, and my door creaked open. I sat up in the blackness, Pouncer meowing and stretching at my side. "Hello?" I said, my voice deep from sleep.

More footsteps sounded, and I soon recognised the outline of Severus's body. He'd left me alone since our argument in the rain, seeming to finally understand that I was… unable. My stomach hardened in response to his presence here in the middle of the night. But some soft and sensing part of me inevitably detected the waves of anxiety radiating from his body. His eyes were gleaming with fear.

"Sev?" My voice came out of me, full of empathy. "What's wrong?"

His voice was strained, and he seemed to be struggling with his breathing. "Are you alright?"

I felt so small in the room. It was as though all of the oxygen had been burned from the air, leaving thick smoke in its place. "Did you have a nightmare?"

He came to the bed, his movements violent in their urgency. I drew away on instinct and Pouncer hissed, jumping onto the floor. Severus stopped a breath away from my face, and paused for a moment before touching me. "I need to…"

It was a small touch, infinitely careful and tender. His fingertips, against my neck. Against my pulse.

I thought I would cry from the intensity of it. The intimacy.

He kept his fingers there for what felt like ages, his eyes boring desperately into mine. Then they seemed to slowly relax, the panic melting.

I was disturbed. Clearly he had been dreaming. And I could guess what had happened to me, in the dark cellar of his mind.

"I'm right here," I said, overwhelmed by a confusing but undeniable need to comfort him.

His eyes went totally black; blacker than I'd ever seen them. "Sev," I whispered.

But he had hardened again, and he turned around, fleeing.

"You can–" I started.

But stay was cut off by the sound of the door shutting behind him.

The following day was the thirteenth of November. After breakfast I was permitted to hold my wand again. Poppy believed it might benefit me to reconnect with my magic at this point in my recovery–and it didn't hurt that I hadn't had any outbursts in the two days since discovering the abandoned lair.

The feeling of holding my wand in my hand filled me with relief. I traced its specific contours and carvings with my fingers, guilty for the moments in which I'd taken its beauty and power for granted. I could feel it slowly coming to life again, and that network of magical vines in my body which had formed that first evening in Ollivander's shop was reignited. I felt myself relax in places I hadn't even known I'd been holding tension.

The progress was slow but steady. I worked on simple spells. Levitating glasses. Filling them with water. Starting a fire in the fireplace. Soon my magic was working more smoothly than I'd anticipated, my wand intuitively knowing my intentions and helping me fulfil them with the least effort on my part.

There had been an expectation, when Severus had handed me my wand, that he would take it back once I was finished practising. Within minutes it was abundantly clear that I was not going to be separated from my wand again, and no-one dared challenge it.

My wand took all of my suffering and channelled it into something I could control. I was capable again. I was no longer useless.

Noon came and went, and I waited anxiously at the edge of Hogsmeade for the wolves to return. They finally did, walking out of the trees unscathed, side by side, just as they had entered.

In the main room of the three broomsticks, Severus sifted through their memories. The wolves had found the camp as directed, and seen who was there. Magnus was in control of a group of eight hostages, including the two young boys, Favre's friend, and the young muggle man from the Edinburgh bookshop. They were all clearly there against their will, had no wands, and were unable to escape their captor and creator.

There were no clues or signs about any plan coordinated between Greyback and Magnus; any plan which would make it more dangerous for us to go into Hogwarts than it already was on the surface.

Yet it was this fear of a possible ambush which made Arthur hesitate to attack the castle as soon as possible.

"That's a risk we will have to take no matter when we act," I argued. "We could make a plan right now and take our chances. Why do you insist on wasting time?"

In the past, I would never have dared to speak so forcefully to Arthur Weasley; the man who had taken me in as a lonely, orphaned child, and treated me as part of his family. But at this moment in time I was incapable of remembering those times. He was an obstacle which stood between myself and Remus, and I could not feel anything but agitation towards him and his obtuseness.

"We will make a plan today," he said. "But we will not put it into action until we know more."

I leaned back in my chair and crossed my arms, fighting back no longer.

At that very moment, my decision was made.

Perhaps it had been inevitable from the moment I'd used my wand again.

I kept my thoughts quiet and blurry behind a blank expression, so Severus would not hear them. But my conviction was as strong as if I'd shouted the words aloud.

I was going to sneak away again tonight. This time I would not be stopped.