With each passing kilometer, she was regretting every decision she'd made about traveling to Istanbul. Yes, Aunt Evelyn had been gravely ill and had needed Lisa's help, but Lisa had also convinced herself that staying as long as she did was for the good of everyone, and right now, as she and Tim made their way to the cabin, she was realizing that she'd been wrong, very wrong.
It didn't help that Tim, of all people, was right and had put her in her place just now. Yes, she needed to hear that. She needed to know the state of things with Jack since she'd been gone. Yes, she'd been terrible about staying in touch, not that she had any reason to do so. She loved Jack; things were good with Jack, or so they had been, but it seemed that she had a lot of repair work to do all because she'd put her caring nature into the wrong basket for too long. Yes, Evelyn needed her, but Jack did too. She needed him, and it was hitting her how much she missed him. She'd been able to put things into compartments while she'd been gone, locking away the "Heartland/home" compartment while in Istanbul dealing with Evelyn. She'd tried to stay in touch but with the incredible time difference, it was really hard. Email and text had been spotty too, mostly due to Jack just not being into that much technology. She'd stayed in a little better contact with Amy, Ty, and her stable, but that had been because of work. She hadn't discussed personal matters with Amy or Ty, putting the family on the back burner while she dealt with her other family. Three months, though, that had about ruined things she was now seeing.
As Lisa rode in silence next to Tim, she sighed, now realizing just how bad things must look. She'd been away for three months. The only time she'd ever been away that long during her marriage had been in her first marriage to Dan when she'd left their life to come home and take care of her dad. That had been necessary too, but the difference she was seeing is that after all the time at home taking care of her dad and even after her dad passed away, she had no longing or desire to go back to the life she had with Dan. They had been on very shaky ground prior to her dad getting sick, and maybe she'd hoped that the time away would be good-absence makes the heart grow fonder, right? Well, it had not, and Dan had not even come to see her while her dad had been sick. He'd made no attempt; she'd made no attempt, and at the end of the day, she decided life was better alone than back with Dan.
Here, the stakes were similar, but much different. Absence HAD made her heart grow fonder. She really, really missed Jack and had wanted to get home sooner. Evelyn just wasn't getting better. She'd been in and out of a Turkish hospital, which was sketchy enough, and finally, they'd determined she had some gastrointestinal bug that she'd picked up with her travels that she couldn't shake. She'd lost a ton of weight. Lisa had suspected cancer, but it came down to finally getting her the right treatment to get her back on track. She'd been very, very weak, had not eaten much for months, and there was no way she could have just up and left her. Now, sure, her dad had been equally ill, his leading to death, but the difference was that Lisa hadn't left home already frustrated with Jack, wanting space from Jack. Quite the opposite. She loved him more than she could put into words, and while she felt a definite duty to go and help her aunt, taking her at her word that she was sick, she hated leaving Jack behind. Suggesting at any point he travel to her in Istanbul, well, that wasn't for the best for either of them. He despised travel. She knew that, and she was glad that he did take some local trips with her. They'd found a decent compromise. They did a lot of trips to the cabin and a lot of trips to various places around Banff and the national parks in that area. If Jack was in nature and able to drive somewhere, he was okay. Put him on a plane or in a large city, and it wasn't a good combo. She'd learned that and was okay with it. Honestly, she was figuring out as she got older she didn't enjoy the glamours traveling anymore either. This trip was the longest she'd been away from him since they'd been married, work included, and for her, that was saying a lot in now the five years they'd been married. She had been accustomed to winters in France, months at a time, but even as she'd started dating Jack, now 12 years ago, she'd found herself missing him more and more, cutting those France winters shorter and shorter, at least the longer stints. She'd made sure her work trips, while necessary, didn't stretch into months on end. Honestly, she'd cut most of her trips short over the last 10 years or so, as she did miss him terribly. She loved surprising him at home, coming home earlier than expected. This trip had been the exception, and she was hating herself more and more now that she was back home. All she'd wanted to do was to surprise Jack at Heartland and hold him tightly, kissing him senselessly, and she'd arrived to find he was in a dark place, a dear friend dead, and he'd retreated to his cabin, alone and obviously in a state Lisa didn't like. No, if Jack had taken off by himself after his best friend had died, she needed to get there ASAP.
"How is dear old Aunt Evelyn?" Tim asked, pulling Lisa from her thoughts. She shifted in the truck to see Tim interested in her response, but with a slight scowl on his face, conveying his true thoughts to her time away.
"Umm, well," she nodded as she spoke, "the doctors finally determined she picked up some parasite, but not before she lost almost a third of her body weight, and she didn't have that to lose. The boyfriend she had left after she wasn't getting any better, so he was charming," she sighed and rolled her eyes. "It took multiple trips and admissions to a Turkish hospital, which I wouldn't recommend," she glanced at Tim and found him listening intently. "She's finally on the road to recovery, is able to eat again, and she's finally putting on a little weight. She's still weak, but contrary to what you might think, I have been wanting to get back home for some time. I left her improving, but still very weak, but it was beyond time to get home."
"Yeah, you can say that again," Tim said in a sarcastic tone. "You were gone three months, Lisa. Jack doesn't say much, but I know he's questioning a lot. Plus, I know there's not been a lot of communication."
"Well, I would have liked to have been told about Will's passing," she fired back. "The communication goes both ways. How is he doing with that?"
"Not good," Tim gestured with his hand, "I mean, he went up here alone. I tried to go with him, but I wouldn't have put it beyond him to throw me out of the truck. You know there's only so much one can do with Jack. I am glad you are back and insisted coming up here because we both know the only person he actually listens to and wants to do anything for is you. It's been like that for as long as I've been back around, and you know it too. I just want you to realize that Jack, like anyone else, has numbered days. I think you forget that, especially with this with your aunt. You don't know when his last day will be, and as much as you might not want to hear that from me, well, you're going to hear it. Look at Marion. She was just gone one day. I have all kinds of regrets there, all kinds of things I wish I could have said. I didn't fight to get you two back together after your France mess and his heart attack to see you just be gone if something happens to him. You'd never forgive yourself, and you know you would always wonder about Jack's last moments, alone, even with other family around because Lisa, it's just you. He's happiest with you. He wants you, even with the rest of the family around. You lit a spark in him I've never seen before, and no disrespect to Lyndy, but he didn't have this with Lyndy. She was independent too. You both have that in common. Her difference was that she was completely tied to her career. Sure, you are too, but at the end of the day, you want to be at home with the family. Lyndy," Tim shrugged, "I can only speak of what I saw when I started dating Marion, but Lyndy seemed to always want to be anywhere else. She tolerated home because she did love Jack, but she wanted to be on the road. She was happiest there. I'd say you used to be happy traveling, but since you've been married to Jack, I see the change. You want to be with him, with the family, this wild, crazy, huge family that can drive anyone nuts. You just want that and Jack. It's different, but Jack is a better man with you. I saw it and knew letting you get away would be his biggest life mistake. I'm convinced he'd be a bitter old man, maybe dead, just giving up on life had it not been for you. He's old, Lisa. You know that. I don't have to tell you that, but he fights every single day for this family, to be with this family, to be with you, so yeah, the last three months, I've seen him age and not in a good way. You want to know why I'm giving you grief-I've been living with him, and your being away has about killed him, regardless of the façade he wants to portray."
Lisa listened, pursed her lips, and finally just nodded, "Thank you for telling me that, for being frank with me, Tim. I do need to hear that, and yes, I am well aware that I was gone too long. I love Jack more than anything, and I just hope I haven't given him reason to question that."
"Well," he shook his head, "coming after him is certainly the right thing to do, and as I said, he'll only listen to you. Let's just hope he's not in as bad of shape up here as I fear."
The two settled into silence again, the normally exciting and pleasant drive to the cabin being anything but. Lisa had regrets. She was now more worried than she had been in a long time, and she had no idea the state she'd find her husband. She just hoped that whatever damage her time away had caused or put into question, she could repair because anything other than life with Jack was not an option.