Jokes. If the planets of the solar system were the constituents of aggression, self-conceit, and artificiality, then the Sun must be the joke itself.

Jokes are notably classified into three discrete categories.

1) The "Ahahaha, I said something offensive, so please laugh at me!" joke. After experiencing a lapse in judgement concerning extemporaneous speech, the conversationalist confabulating with another is abruptly stricken with a subconscious dose of "Oh no, what did I just say?!" Of course, this is frequently associated with the insensitive foibles of normies and their inexplicably perpetual desire to maintain their reputation.

2) The "Ehehehe, why is no one noticing me? Here's something funny!" joke. Inundations of attention deficiency coerce the body and mind to alter the self in order to appease one's subconscious thirst for scrutiny. To cope with this restlessness, ridiculous attempts at wisecracks are oftentimes permitted. Conversely, opportunities like a teacher accidentally uttering something scandalous is then exploited and satirized. Comedians call this "timing".

And, 3), the "Who the hell does that bastard think he is?! I'll subtly disparage him!" joke. I'm sure I don't have to expound on this topic. It's pretty self-explanatory. I mean, just look outside of your window. See that person walking? Yes. That person is probably thinking about how another guy caused their misfortunes, and how they'll perpetrate their revenge. This joke is based on denigrating your peers that you share a mutual hatred with with the person you'd like to impress. A typical save-face tactic, one can say.

Of course, there persists other types of jokes out there. These are merely rudimentary examples that overlook the rest. One such overshadowed type is the "I wonder what would happen if I say this" joke.

And, right now, I've been victimized by such a fatuous thought.

I've been victimized by the thought of that type of joke.

"Alright, guys~! I'll be back in a few! I'll just go get 'em!"

The peach-haired creature known as Yuigahama Yui exited the clubroom in a flash. She was talking about some random request pertaining to some arbitrary balderdash that I did not listen to. More importantly, she left me alone with her.

Yes. Her.

Yukinoshita Yukino.

And she just so happens to be the subject of the joke that I've thought of.

"Hikigaya-kun." her blue eyes roamed to meet mine. "Regarding the proposed request . . . "

Ah, she wants to discuss whatever request Yuigahama stated.

Hmmm.

Most curious, of course.

Logically, it would be practical to tune out whatever unnecessary ruminations are brewing in my head. But, unfortunately, the impulse that my mentation engineered was far too exigent.

"Yukinoshita."

"Yes?"

"I've got a question for you."

"Can this not wait until later?"

"Probably. But know that my efficiency would drastically decrease with this thought lingering on the back of my mind."

" . . . it cannot be helped, then. What is it?"

Her annoyed and impatient expression somehow manifested the words "Hurry up." What do you think I am, a pathetic miscreant who got sentenced to life in prison for jaywalking?

"Well, you see, I wanted to hear about your thoughts on something."

"Go on."

" . . . Lately, I think my girlfriend has been ignoring me."

" . . . "

" . . . "

" . . . p-pardon?"

The raised eyebrow she was maintaining dropped, and her composure shattered into small fragments of rigorous surprise. Her widening eyes were all that it took for me to realize the absurdity that I'd committed.

What the hell am I thinking?!

Such repulsive irrationality. I had no freaking incentive to utter such a gratuitous statement! What am I, a glorified dumbass?!

Is there even a need to question?! Of course, I am!

"A—actually," I coughed, "Never mind."

Even so, it appears that my abrupt attempt to disregard what I've said was futile.

" . . . "

Her jaws were still dropped, and the shape of her mouth was reminiscent of the letter O.

"L-look, maybe we can talk about Yuigahama's request . . . ?"

" . . . "

Gradually, her senses must've been returning to her, as a few moments later, she shook her head and averted her gaze, pointing it to the blackboard in the front of the quiet classroom. Yukinoshita's erratic breathing began to subside, and she took a few deep breaths. Then, she looked at the ceiling in deep contemplation.

"Girlfriend . . . how preposterous," she murmured nigh-inaudibly. "But . . . it's understandable."

Yukinoshita's head whisked back to me. Her face was red in irritation, and she, too, must've succumbed to her impulses.

"Hikigaya-kun . . . who is this girlfriend of yours?"

"Uhh . . . " Crap, she totally fell for it!

Unexpectedly, she stood up, her chair grazing the floor riddled with linoleum. She took a step toward me.

"Is it Isshiki-san?"

" . . . no."

She took another step forward.

"Yuigahama-san, then?"

" . . . no."

She frowned but took another step forward.

"Orimoto-san?"

"No."

Until, finally, she was directly in front of me.

"Then, who?"

" . . . "

"Who could've possibly captured your heart?"

Her long, silky black hair that swayed in the wind was astonishing as ever. Her porcelain-white skin, her pulchritudinous face, and those stunning blue orbs that could captivate anyone it strikes . . .

"You," I must've uttered.

Because, a blink later, her steps were receding backward in rapid succession. That ivory-white face of hers flushed the color of roses, and her supple hands found their way to cup her burning cheeks.

"W-what . . . "

And my face must've turned crimson, too, if my erratically darting eyes were to convey anything.

Have I finally been brainwashed by Zaimokuza?! What is this trivial parasite that has tampered with my mind?! Why the hell did I say that?!

"Hikigaya-kun . . . "

Yukinoshita's voice entered my ears, and my attention was grasped yet again, now at an even firmer grip. Her eyes were moist as if overwhelmed by a deluge of emotions, and, yet, that expression of hers . . . it was one that demanded an explanation.

"Well, uh," I began, attempting to elucidate my rationale. "Y-you see, this and that happened, and that and this then occurred . . . "

I thought I graduated from spouting such ludicrous nonsense?!

" . . . state it yet again," Yukinoshita uttered lightly before her uncertain expression transitioned into something firm. "Say it once more."

" . . . "

Yukinoshita, now appearing to have mustered her confidence, approached me hastily. Yet again, she halted before me and bowed down, forging an indistinguishable distance between our faces.

"Hikigaya-kun," her breath tickled my nose. "Who has captured your heart?"

" . . . you."

Her eyes momentarily widened, before they pierced my gaze again.

I could not understand her. I could not even understand myself. But, at this moment, all I recalled was the unfathomable tension in the air at the school's infirmary from a week back.

The way her lips moved as she exhaled, and the way her eyes glanced at mine.

Basked under the orange glares of the sun, it was a total repeat.

But, unlike then . . .

I was able to feel the softness of her lips.

And, because of it, I remained blind. Blind to the surroundings, and blind to my hand that cupped her cheek. I also could not hear anything else. Not her breathing, not mine, nor the door that suddenly slid open.

. . .

"Hikki?! Yukinon?!"

We scrambled away from one another, and I remained immobile on my seat.

There, standing beside the door, was not just Yuigahama. It was she, and her group of friends that I presumed to be the clients.

. . .

That's right.

This joke that I thought of?

Saying it was wrong, as I expected.

[AUTHOR'S NOTE]: Just the typical nonsense that entered my brain but could not leave. Evidence of my brain rot. I actually wrote this a year ago. I was re-checking the files on my google docs only to find this lying around doing nothing. So why not post it? This is what happens when Hikigaya Hachiman jokes around a bolder (and more down bad) version of Yukinoshita.