"Thinking"
"Talking"
"Impactful word"
Hackett POV
Jane Shepard was back from the dead.
Cerberus had done it.
Ashley Williams confirmed it.
The crushing weight of unanswered hope escaped him within the next breath.
He could scarcely believe it.
Steven hadn't dared to hold onto the hope of her ever coming back, of ever getting lost in the unfathomable green that was her eyes. A rush of fierce longing shook his very soul. He desperately wanted to meet her, to see her, to touch her. If only to quieten the remaining doubts that continued to fester over the past two years he spent waiting, hoping, praying for her return.
So much so, that he hadn't even realized when he had gotten up on his feet, pacing around his office like a madman. There was this absolute need to confess his feelings before Jane would be taken from him once again.
PING!
And then reality answered with its fierce grip on duty and responsibility.
The tension rose within him, two sides tearing him apart until it all deflated with another notification.
From: Councilor Anderson
To: Admiral Hackett
I read Operations Chief Williams' report on Horizon. Sent her an invitation to the Citadel. The Council was reluctant but I pushed them to give her a chance to explain herself. I'll keep you updated.
Shepard POV
Her cabin was cool, she had to give it to TIM, he certainly knew how to improve upon something. With heavy heart, and enough time spent on her new ship, Jane concluded that this improvement counted beyond the captain's quarters. As much as she loved the original Normandy, she decided that the king-sized bed she currently lounged on was a total game-changer.
"Commander Shepard, Miranda Lawson requests permission to enter."
With a flicker of annoyance, the redhead dismissed the AI, "Permission denied."
She would risk getting an earful from the Cerberus operative later on, for now, however, she had no energy left to spare. None after Horizon.
Serenity returned to her cabin as she absentmindedly observed how the many fishes in her enormous tank swam about. Mind disconnected from her body. A reoccurring event after her resurrection. Sometimes she struggled less with it, other times more. Horizon... meeting Ashley... triggered another one of those episodes.
It was just- who the fuck was she?
Cyborg or human?
Alliance or Cerberus?
Where did she stand in this galaxy?
She didn't know anymore. And it terrified her.
How could she hope to get her team together, and fix their issues, if she couldn't do that for herself? What was she supposed to accomplish? Trying to play nice with TIM? Trying to get her broken life together?
It helped to have some of her friends be here with her, but it was at times like this when she missed Anderson and his steadfast advice.
But even he felt so far away from her, just like anyone else. As if they were part of different worlds altogether.
"You sure you don't need more light in this room?"
The woman asked, eyes flickering between the many large screens that hurt her eyes the longer she stared at them. Like a headache with a hint of dryness. It felt almost as if she was staring at the Sun too long. This room was entirely too dark, she wondered how her friend could work all day in there.
"Not one bit," he replied, unbothered but touched by her concern, "I like it dark. Helps me keep focused more easily."
Yeah, that was why she saw him happily invested in the datapad in his hand rather than keeping tabs on their adversaries' movements.
"It will hurt your eyes."
The man dismissed it with an amused grumble, "That's why I have four."
The woman shook her head exasperated, he could be so childish sometimes. It amused her as much as it aggravated her at times, "I hope you've got a pair of them on the monitors once in a while."
"Sure, sure..."
She knew he was growing tired of her bothersome insistence, and she couldn't help but push his buttons in retaliation every once in a while, "You're absolutely certain? I wouldn't want to end up buying you glasses in a few years."
He finally put his feet off the table, turning in his chair to level her with a double-unnerved stare, "If the Reapers won't put us in the dirt by then, yeah, why not? But - ahem - as you can clearly see, I am sort of otherwise entertained."
The woman stayed silent, casually blending in with the darkness as if she'd always been part of it. A spectral straight out of his much-beloved fantasy novels. Casting that soul-piercing stare at him that made him feel naked under her gaze. It used to intimidate him in the earlier days of their partnership, made him feel exposed, but now, after sharing a living space with her for more than a year, he grew strangely accustomed to it.
"What has you so captivated this time?"
The way she asked the question may have sounded condescending, disapprovingly indignant at best. You know, kind of like mothers used to be at their children if they had done something that earned their disapproval. But he knew that it was just one of her usual tactics to rile him up. She was good at that.
"You will laugh at me."
The eye-roll humoured him.
"Okay, ugh, it's Blasto the Jellyfish Stings."
...
"It just came out and I thought the trailer was kinda cool."
He watched on suspiciously as she turned around and more and more embarrassment filled him. The need to explain himself grew stronger the longer she stayed fucking silent.
"I mean it's not my usual cup of tea but - Oh, WILL YOU SAY SOMETHING ALREADY!"
But by the time she could, it was too late because her posture slumped and her shoulder began shaking with force. It took another second for her to combust in a fit of laughter. Her friend's eyes widened comically, he seriously thought she would keep it together this time, but seeing her smiling alleviated his impending ire somewhat. So far and few in between to see her like that.
She was such a liar honestly, and he was a fool for believing her at this point. Willingly falling into her false promises for shits and giggles.
But as much as he tried to play the victim in this scenario, seeing his companion relaxing from her usually austere persona made it worth it every fricking time. She was too young for the many burdens she had to carry.
Shepard POV
Fuh, here goes nothing.
"Is it just me or are you feeling as nervous as I feel Shep?"
Walking ahead, the redhead turned to her turian friend incredulously, like she couldn't comprehend the question, "What are you even nervous about?! It's not like you vanished from the face of the galaxy for two years!"
He chortled from deep within his throat, "No, but I haven't exactly been here much either. I haven't exactly left C-Sec on good terms..."
Jane looked at him, eyebrows up, itching to hear that story. But once they've moved past the entry point and into a narrow passageway, Jane knew when to lay off. Squaring her shoulders, despite the nerves (faked confidence is still confidence), they strutted up towards the c-sec employee waiting for them at the exit.
"Hold!"
They stopped as requested until a light flitted over their armoured forms. Standing still, she waited until the scan was done. The ex-Spectre turned to the guard when it beeped in alarm.
"Sorry for the inconvenience, Ma'am. Our scanners are picking up false readings. They seem to think that you're, eh, dead."
The redhead made a face, that seemed about right.
"Nah, I was only mostly dead. Try finding that option on government paperwork."
The fresh-faced turian scratched at his neck, slightly embarrassed, "Heh. We need to get that cleared up for you."
Fiddling with his console, the automatic door swished open, granting them passage, "Why don't you talk to my Captain? He's just behind the scanners, on the right."
Jane sauntered her way out, the nerves falling off with each step she took, passing the guard with a charming wink, "Will do, thanks pal."
They didn't get too far before they stopped in front of an open desk office, first in line, "You will have to make him scream a little. He's not going to tell you everything just 'cause you asked."
"I know, sir." A female officer replied.
"If you don't have the stomach or you're worried about being reported, I can take care of it."
The duo inspected the fairly loud conversation with surprised looks. Leaning closer to Garrus, she whispered, "I don't remember C-Sec like that."
"Yeah, a human in charge? Unheard of."
Shepard shot him a pointed look that told him that wasn't what she had meant. The human Captain rotated his chair, his attention now fixed on them, "Yes? I see the problem already, Commander Shepard. My console says you're dead."
Right onto business, they were off to a good start, "Your sergeant said you could help with that."
The blonde man nodded somewhat, "Usually you'd have to go through the Station Security Administration to reactivate your IDs. Then to Customs and Immigration to regain access to the Citadel itself. And probably a stop by the treasury itself. Spending a year dead is a popular tax dodge."
He smiled dryly, empathising with his elaborate point but it wasn't all that amusing to Jane, and he had caught onto it quicker than people used to. Offering peace with his hands up he stated, "But I can see that you're a busy woman. So how about I just press this button right here, and we call it done?"
Jane quirked her lips, appreciating his suggestion and refreshing change of management, "You're not big on formalities, are you?"
"I'm with them right up until they keep people from doing their jobs." A few pressed buttons later and, "There. I just saved about nine days of running around. That said, you should head up to the Presidium and tell them you're still alive. The Council probably wants to talk to the one who saved their scaly asses."
She honestly didn't, she'd had enough of Councilor Sparatus' stupid remarks for a lifetime. Jane was only here for Anderson... and to buy better food for the canteen.
"Aye, aye, Captain. Having access to the Council and Spectres' resources would be useful."
"Yeah, the Council can get anything. Best thing about working C-Sec is that any equipment, information, or money you need, you get. Anyway. Something else you need? Or can I get back to work?"
"That will be all, Captain...?"
"Captain Bailey. You need anything else, let me know."
There wasn't much reason to dilly-dally more than necessary. She was expected after all. The path they took was pretty straightforward from this point on. Neither of them talked on their way to the shuttles, her turian friend did seem busy thinking about something.
"I think I am going to check out some shops, Shep. See if they have some useful mods. Write me up once you're done."
"Sure thing, Garrus. See you later. Oh, and don't forget to buy Rupert's rations while you're at it!"
With her companion gone, the redhead found herself alone once again. Even if part of her wished Garrus would accompany her, deep down she knew this was business rather to be dealt with alone. With all the nasty rumours swirling around her person since someone caught wind of her on Omega, she wanted to minimize the backlash it might have on her close friends.
"Commander Shepard!"
Halting her steps and her thoughts, the Commander spun to face the person who called for her attention.
You've got to be kidding me.
Khalisah al-Jilani. Why couldn't it be Conrad?
"Got time for the press?"
That stupid camera of hers was already hovering beside her head, lens primed on her encroaching person. It wasn't the first (nor did she suspect there would be a last) time where the thought of shooting down her camera briefly crossed her mind. There hadn't been a moment when she wished more for Ashley's presence. Biting back the sadness, it left a bitter taste after Horizon.
"Khalisah bint Sinan al-Jilani, Westerlund News." Her petite hand reached for a handshake. Shepard crossed her arms instead.
Jilani's lips drew a thin line for a second before she went on, "I interviewed you two years ago, when you first became a Spectre."
I remember almost too well.
"You presented your case very well on camera."
You tried to make me look bad, you bitch!
"Do you have a minute?"
The sneer was prominent in Jane's voice as she replied, "What, so you can try to do another smear job on me?"
Jilani's eyes widened (a pity they weren't live now) when the redhead called out on her behaviour, perhaps Jilani had expected her to forget, like most celebrities would have, but the redhead was military and a good memory of those who wronged her. Jilani, the scheming woman that she was, was quick to try to diffuse any accusations with rehearsed words, "Now, Shepard - you may object to my methods, but we're on the same side."
Honey, the only side you're on is your own.
"You're back, you're news. I just want to give your story its due."
I was dead. That's all. No grand story needed.
Jane unlocked her elbows, the camera was on. And the interview began.
"Sources claim that you were at the heart of the Presidium during the Battle of the Citadel. It's fair to say the course of the battle hinged on your words. If true, you told Admiral Hackett to assist the Destiny Ascension, costing hundreds of human lives and securing the continued dominance of the Citadel Council."
Leave it to Jilani to pick apart old wounds, well, if she wanted to pull up numbers then she was in for a nasty surprise, "The Turians lost 20 cruisers. Figure each had a crew of around 300. The Ascension - the asari dreadnaught we have saved - had a crew of nearly 10,000."
"But surely the human cost-"
Shepard straightened in all her glory, making her larger than life, N7 armour flashing against the light of the camera and continued through the interruption, "The Alliance lost eight cruisers. Shenyang. Emden. Jakarta. Cairo. Seoul. Cape Town. Warsaw. Madrid. And yes, I remember them all. Everyone in the 5th Fleet is a hero. The Alliance owes them all medals. The Council owes them a lot more than that. And so do you."
Already having had enough, she walked away, leaving the reporter in her shadow, speechless. The shuttle ride felt like it passed incredibly slowly, and not because of the bustling traffic. That interview sent her back to two years ago, when Sovereign attacked.
Being as long in the military as Jane had been, she learned to never second-guess the choices she had to make. If she could have done something different. Saved more people. Jane knew back then that this was a dangerous path to take, mentally.
Deep down Jane knew that she made the right choice by saving the Council, the rest of the galaxy simply didn't know what a threat Sovereign truly posed. The catastrophe that had been prevented that day.
But everything was different now, SHE was different now.
Or at least she felt like a stranger in her own body.
Playing pretend with herself was only going to get her so far until she broke. Each day felt like another step closer to the endpoint. After that, what would be left of the famed Jane Shepard?
No, Jane, pull yourself together! Focus on the mission! Who's gonna stop the Collectors?
Taking a deep breath that felt as if she squeezed it through a straw, Jane focused on her mission. Even if it was harder than ever, even if she felt more cut off from the present than ever before. The galaxy had still use of Jane Shepard, even if it was the last thing she would do.
Anderson POV
Where was she? He had asked himself for the tenth time within five minutes. He had received from her once she boarded the Citadel thirty minutes ago! The Council was already nagging him about her lateness, but he had learnt to block their voices after some months into his councillorship. Contrary to his straightened posture and relaxed features, he kept tapping his pointy finger against the railing.
Many things and many thoughts battled in his mind. Apprehension. Worry. Relief. Anticipation. It had been two years since he last saw Jane. Liara had promised that Cerberus had done nothing to her, but he would sooner trust Udina.
"This meeting would be more productive if Udina was to join us."
The Council always found new ways to undermine his authority. Even if by law they were equals, the Big Three were used to only being that - three. Another species in the high council hadn't been in plan for another 50 years. For the newcomer to have risen to such status in a matter of 30 years was unheard of, and other species still hadn't gotten over the shock.
Turning his head, he replied, "My advisor is unavailable. As Councilor, I represent the voice of humanity and the Alliance. Shepard will be here any-"
He heard the door open and saw her waltzing in with her N7 armour. Without her squad. Perfect timing, he had run out of excuses to keep the rest of the Council present.
"-Oh, Commander. We were just talking about you."
Taking the initiative, he reached out to her, part of him relaxed immediately at hearing the fondness in her voice, "It's been a long time Anderson, I hope the last couple of years have treated you right."
He divulged a small smile, "There've been some rough spots. It's good to have you back."
I am glad that you're alive.
It was then that the Council intervened, impatient to resolve the situation that pertained to their Spectre. Fair enough, he had kept them here long enough even if they'd only done so to pay back their debt to Shepard, "We've heard many rumours surrounding your unexpected return. Some of them are... unsettling. We called this meeting so you could explain your actions, Shepard. We owe you that much. After all, you saved our lives in the battle against Saren and his geth."
The first action Jane took was to remove her helmet, and Anderson was beyond relieved to find his girl under it. He didn't know what else he expected, but after watching one of the tapes Liara had sent him to keep him updated, he tore up at the disfigured corpse of his daughter. He left Hackett out that, he knew they would have destroyed his friend completely. Cerberus had done a magnificent job, even if he was loathe to give them any credit.
"Saren wasn't the one commanding the geth. It was the Reaper, Sovereign."
Anderson saw a vein pop out on Jane's forehead when Councilor Sparatus dismissed her as usual, "Ah, yes. Reapers. The immortal race of sentient starships allegedly waiting in dark space. We have dismissed that claim."
The man knew she was right. Even if he had no more proof than them, the key difference was that he believed her completely. They didn't. He knew she would fight him on this, so he jumped in, "Shepard, no one else encountered the hologram on Ilos that told you the truth about the Reapers. Only you and your crew ever spoke with Sovereign. I believe you, but without evidence from another source, the others think Saren was behind the geth attacks."
Jane persisted, "Saren was an organic. The geth would never accept him as their leader. They only followed him because he was Sovereign's agent!"
Councilor Tevos, ever the voice of diplomacy, countered, "Saren was a compelling and charismatic individual. He convinced the geth the Reapers were real... just as he convinced you."
"It was part of his plan to attack the Citadel. The Reapers are only just a myth. One you insist on perpetuating."
"We believe that you believe it, but that doesn't make it true."
Contrary to what he expected, Jane calmed down to scrutinize the three figures before her, she knew when she was outnumbered, "So you won't help me then?"
"We're in a difficult position, Shepard. You are working for Cerberus - an avowed enemy of the Council. This is treason, a capital offense."
Anderson wouldn't let this pass, to have those three discard her like trash after she had sacrificed lives to save them, "That's too far. Shepard is a hero. I am on this Council, too, and I won't let this whitewash continue."
"Maybe there is a compromise. Not a public acknowledgement, given your ties, but something to show peripheral support."
"Shepard, if you keep a low profile and restrict your operations to the Terminus Systems, the Council is willing to offer you reinstatement as a Spectre."
Jane's eyes narrowed, she didn't trust them as much as they did her, "What does that mean? Will I need to start filling reports?"
"That won't be necessary. This is a show of good faith on our part," Councilor Valern spoke.
"We cannot become involved in an investigation regarding the missing colonies in the Terminus Systems. But Spectre reinstatement shows our support of you personally."
Jane looked at him, and he back at her. His nod was all that it took for her to step forward, "I accept your offer. It's good to have the Council on my side."
"Good luck in your investigation, Shepard. We hope for a quick resolution... and a quick end to your relationship with Cerberus."
The discussion ended, and Anderson hadn't even imagined it would end on a positive note, "Well, that went better than expected. You realize the Council's offer is just symbolic. They actually won't do anything."
"Even if they don't help, I might as well stay on good terms."
A nostalgic silence enveloped them. Many things went unsaid and even more words wanted to get out between daughter and father. But only Anderson would notice how Jane avoided his gaze. Coming to think of it, on a second look, she didn't look as fine as when she had come in. Her posture broke down as they stood alone.
He wanted to reach out to her, asking what was wrong but who else could have barged in unannounced into his office other than Udina himself, "Anderson, we need to talk about - Shepard! What are you doing here?"
Jane picked herself up in no time, building a wall of steel against the man, "Stopped by to see how Anderson was doing."
The dark-skinned man gave her an exasperated look, "You don't have to cover for me. I invited Shepard here to speak with the Council. We just finished our meeting."
Udina's brows drew together, "You what? Councilor, do the words political shit-storm mean anything to you?"
"The Council reinstated my Spectre status. They're just happy I am staying out in the Terminus Systems," Shepard backed him up.
That seemed to calm him down, "Yes... I could see how that arrangement works best for both sides. But you really shouldn't have taken a step like this without consulting me first, Councilor."
Anderson had to fight the urge to not roll his eyes. See, Udina's lessons about political etiquette were paying off! But he did have to put him in his place now and then, "I don't answer to you, Udina. Why don't you go to your office and think about that for a while?"
His advisor became visibly upset, ready to burst, but reigned himself in as a proper politician at the last second. Shooting a glare of vicious vitriol in his direction when he saw himself to the door. He was military, this was tame in comparison to what he experienced during his time in boot camp.
"Sorry about that," his attention finally back on the important, "Udina's never gotten over the fact that I got the Council position instead of him."
Jane shoots him a smirk, "He's just doing his job."
Anderson answers with one of his own, hoping she would tell him what bothered her, "True enough. He's got his uses. And if you want something done on the Citadel, he knows who can make it happen. Plus, he's always happy to attend those formal diplomatic functions I can't be bothered with."
He was hoping his little joke would cheer her up a bit, but he was wrong, Jane's eyes betrayed her. His father senses were tingling and his expression grew serious. His daughter was an incredibly strong woman, the strongest he had ever known, sometimes he couldn't even understand it.
Coming closer, he put a reassuring hand on her shoulder pad, "What's going, lass?"
There was nothing but silence from her for the next few seconds, but he could tell that her mind was warring with itself when her orbs began to dart around, just to escape his earnest gaze. Anderson was patient, waiting it out until she was ready.
"I don't know, Anderson," she replied thickly.
The man wasn't good at comforting people, it wasn't like he had any family. But for her, he would try, because his relationship with Shepard went beyond just ward and guardian. That used to scare him at the beginning, how quickly they had grown closer, AND being legally responsible for another person and their future. Dare he say the years have made him wiser in that department. There have been mishaps, but in the end, he would like to say he had done good with Jane.
"Jane," hearing her given name seemed to startle her, "talk to me."
Her lip wobbled as she struggled to say the words she desperately wanted to share. He gently coaxed it out of her by gently cupping under her jaw from both sides so she wouldn't hide her pained face from him. He felt her pain resonate within him, and he held no greater desire than to console his struggling daughter.
"I just don't know anymore, Anderson. I-I don't - I-"
The first tears slipped as she tried to explain what had been done to her by Cerberus. About the way, she felt so out of touch with her own body and morals. How she just couldn't reconnect with her old life despite trying to continue where she left off. How alone she felt on the reconstructed Normandy even with the old faces aboard.
She was on the cusp of hyperventilating before Anderson moved her into his strong embrace, crushing her head into the space between his neck and shoulder. The edges of her armour might have dug in uncomfortably against many places on his formal wear but he couldn't care less. She needed a pillar in her life, now more so than ever. And he would be damned if he didn't rise to it.
"Shh- let it all out."
Remembering the tapes, he couldn't imagine what she went through. But in the end, behind all his fears about what Cerberus could have done to her, he could only sigh in relief when he finally realized that he had his girl back. That she remained the same dear person he had lost two years ago.
If only she knew how many people truly cared about her.
"Thank you for meeting me today, Ms. Garson. I trust the funds have arrived?"
The woman turned around in her chair behind her desk, gaze shifting over some forms on her desk.
"I told you to call me Jien," she replied after a while, not necessarily out of reluctance, but she seemed to have her work cut out for her. It made sense, the time drew nearer and nearer for the grand departure.
"I am glad," she continued with the auburn-haired woman through the camera, "if you need anything else for the final stages of your project, be sure to contact me."
The director was ecstatic, that much was obvious, but something heavy still weighed on her mind. And it was not the bombing that had occurred on the Hyperion a few weeks prior. She wondered if it had anything to do with the mysterious 'benefactor' that had provided even more funds than she did.
"You seem bothered. Of all the people joining the Initiative, I expected you to be most ecstatic about it."
"Are you sure I can't convince you to join us? After all that you've done for me, for the Initiative?" Her friend put the idea forth, not for the first time. Hoping to bring her along to their hopeful new beginning in another faraway galaxy.
She heaved a sigh, the offer was tempting but escaping the Reapers would go against her way, duty and everything she had promised those she loved.
"I thank you once again, for the offer..."
"I am sensing a 'but', am I?" Jien joked with a forlorn expression.
She smiled behind her helmet, "... but you know my stance on this. My choice remains steadfast. You can't change my mind. There is simply too much at stake."
Jien looked ahead, pensive for a moment, "So you believe they exist? The Reapers?"
"Is it why you expedited the launch date?"
Jien grew quiet, looking down on her hands. The woman didn't remember telling her about that.
"Did someone tell you to?"
She didn't mean to call her out on the secret between her and Alec, that was none of her business. However, it became her business once Jien started to grow suspicious of their intentions. The benefactor had gained more say in Garson's project than both of them expected.
"They did, in a sense. You see when they first offered financial support, I was desperate. We hadn't met yet when my project was on the cusp of bankruptcy halfway through and..." she pinched the bridge of her nose, "... then they came, out of nowhere, and offered to pay all the remaining expenses for seemingly NOTHING in return! I-I accepted without a second thought. I couldn't let my dream end so close to the finish line."
"Jien..."
Even the call of her name didn't stop the onslaught of confessions that followed one by one. Multiple emotions tangled into one strong knot, needing to be detangled. There seemed to be a lot on her mind, and what friend would she be if she didn't properly listen?
"I should have known better than expect there wouldn't be a catch. Part of me knew from the very beginning that it would bite me in the arse one day. It was through their help that I met Alec. The benefactor helped him with his research with the promise of recruitment. And here we are, a few years later down the line, one of the few who know about our silent partner. I am sorry for keeping it a secret from you."
She leant against the backrest of her chair, pensively looking at her overworked friend through the screen, "It's all water under the bridge, Jien. My only concern is how far along the road their demands will continue and especially, how it will affect you AND your project."
"For the time being, they only asked to up the number of cryo pods in the Arks and put more leeway into the recruitment of people."
For her, the 'why' seems obvious, "They think we won't survive the invasion."
Garson shook and flitted a hand threw her short strands, a telltale sign of her frustration. Though it seemed short-term as she deflated moments after, looking, if possible, even more bothered than previously, "What a load of bullshit. First the Benefactor, then Alec, and now you too! It just sounds so far pulled out of my ass that I can't believe it could actually be true! I mean, an ancient race of aliens that comes every 50,000 years to kill off advanced organic life like it was nothing just to piss off for the next appointment. And you want to tell me the alarm clock is about to go off again? It's just- just..."
She understood how unbelievable this sounded to a casual citizen. The Citadel Council themselves were hard to convince even if the evidence had fallen right on their heads, writing it off as geth technology to console the masses.
Garson hid her face behind her hands, seeming at wits end about this and she debated if it would be better to let her think on this for a while, it was a lot to take one at once after all, but Jien seemed to beat her to it, "Do you know what the worst part is?"
She shook her head.
"Even if there is even a sliver of truth to this, it makes me feel like a coward. Fleeing the Milky Way - OUR HOME - and abandoning everyone to their fate. We were supposed to be explorers, not refugees!"
The silence that came over them was profound, full of many emotions and unspoken facts. And she found it within her mind, a memory of a time when she felt exactly like Jien did.
"You are not. I won't sugarcoat this Jien, but even if you stayed, the outcome wouldn't shift in our favour. Numbers are not going to be enough to defeat them."
"Are they that much stronger than us?"
"Yes, I know it. I have seen it."
A shared look of understanding passed between the two women - the Battle of the Citadel.
"That ship," Garson remembered, "the big black one that forced its way through the entire Citadel Fleet, that was a Reaper?"
She nodded, and it sent shudders through the director's body at the implication.
"One alone was enough to decimate entire Fleets. There is a whole legion of them coming and the losses will be undoubtedly monumental. Chances are high that you may be what's left of the Milky Way," Jien paled the further she talked about their chances, but it was imperative that she fully convinced her friend to follow through with her plan, no matter how she felt about it.
"Jien, look at me," she beckoned, and once her friend set her eyes on her, decided to lift the helmet covering her identity. A sign of trust between two friends that began as business partners. That was when the director fully realized how serious the situation truly was, for the Terminus Saint to reveal her identity, "I need you to promise me something."
Jien affirmed wordlessly.
"Move forward no matter what happens. Don't. Look. Back."
Shepard POV
Life felt better after meeting up with Anderson, who knew how helpful a good cry could be? How relieving being vulnerable was. The gangs haven't taught her that, showing weakness hadn't been an option so far back in her life. It might be the reason why she had problems with being vulnerable. Jane might be good at picking people up from their lowest points, but herself? Hardly.
Because she never dared to let herself completely shatter before.
It might be hard to believe, but that was the first time in her life that she needed a strong figure in her life.
Someone to assure her that she mattered.
Someone who trusted and believed in her despite her unfortunate association.
And not for the first time in her life was unimaginably grateful for Anderson and the monumental role he played in her life.
Jane couldn't have done it without his unfaltering support and now than ever was she convinced that he was her father in every sense of the word.
Speaking of recovered relationships, with her spirit invigorated and mind pulled out of isolation, Shepard resumed her old habit of doing rounds on her ship. Also, because Kelly pestered her about it. There was a lot to catch up to and some even asked if she was okay.
TIM sent her three more dossiers, Tali's among them. Jane also woke up the krogan from his tank while she was at it. Left her with quite a bruise on her back, but in the end, Grunt wasn't as bad as she would have thought. Dr Chakwas still admonished her for her recklessness, but confronting her with her favourite Serrice Ice Brandy put Jane back in her good graces.
And as much as Jane wasn't prone to drinking, the alcohol flowed the more words between them. Reminiscing of funny stories and times when she was under Anderson's command. With her, she didn't mind it as much to let loose for once, and before they knew it, they were happily drunk.
Though for some reason, Shepard less so than the doc. Jane blamed her 'enhancements'.
When Garrus came from the battery room, done with his calibrations for the day, Shepard's world spun, "Hey- hiccup -Garrus!"
Her vision swam but she could still see amusement in his eyes, "Getting all hammered without me, Shep? What's the occasion?"
She hiccuped again, man was it annoying, "Just catching up really, we didn't know if you liked brandy."
He came closer and winked, "I don't, but I would have, for the company."
There was a rosy flush on her cheeks that made her natural beauty stand out, "What, jealous, Vakarian?"
"Hmm, no. But if that's how we're gonna catch up, Dextro Heat Sink is my favourite. Or Horosk if you want me to get hammered into a coma. You know what, maybe leave that one for after we destroy the Collectors. I have a feeling we will need it."
Her mood did a 180°, damn the alcohol, and her expression turned sullen at the prospect of having dragged him into another suicide mission, "Can you help me get her on a bed?"
Chakwas out like a light, not even making a peep as the turian gingerly lifted her before Shepard could stand up. The redhead swayed as she did. A hand shot out to steady her, closing her eyes to fight the nausea. Where was this pleasant feeling she was experiencing seconds ago? Garrus was by her side, not hovering but being on standby.
"Can you make it to your cabin alone?"
Shepard closed her eyes once a new wave hit her, this wasn't fun.
"I take it as a no," with that, Garrus swung one arm across his neck and slowly helped her make their way to the elevator. Luckily for her, not many people were roaming the 3rd deck at this time, except for Gardner but he kept his head pointedly away. The elevator ride was uneventful, and Jane's hung before her full-weight leant into him.
Garrus kept her from falling, taking her fully into his arms so he wouldn't accidentally trip over her tangled legs. He never saw Shep like that, yet it was hilarious to him. He also felt glad that Shep was finally taking the steam off, something she hadn't done much on the old Normandy. He wondered, often, how she could keep it all together, but she was Commander Shepard, she just did.
That had been enough for him in the past, but now, he could see the strain it left on her. He was young back then, inexperienced and eager to spring into action. Couldn't see the signs that were right in front of his visor with that stick up his ass. But now, after assembling and losing his team on Omega, he understood her better. Now more than he ever thought he did.
Squirming in his grasp, her murmuring broke him out of his reverie, and he cooed gently into her ear, "Come one, Shep, let's tuck you into bed. EDI, can you open the door for us?"
"Of course, Mr. Vakarian."
It only took a few steps for him to finally reach her king-sized bed. He deposited her at first, then put the comforter so she wouldn't get cold, knowing that she had a rough night ahead of her. It would be good if someone stayed with her to watch over her. But while there was a nice leather couch nearby, he felt out of his depth on what she would potentially need.
He imagined that Turians and Humans processed alcohol differently after all.
But who to call?
After a few minutes of careful consideration, he fiddled with his omni-tool to dial up the one person who wouldn't judge Shepard for her actions.
"Hey, Zaeed, are you up?"
It took him a few seconds to respond, "Yeah, what's the matter?"
Garrus took particular care to choose his words carefully, "I have a situation here in Shepard's quarters. Could use your help."
Static greeted him, but the turian was convinced that the mercenary would come.
"Gimme a minute."
Garrus learnt a lot that night watching over Shepard, and even made a friend in the old grouchy mercenary who turned out to be a better man than he expected him to be.
Shepard POV
Jane grumbled as she turned in her bed left and right, fighting off that awful wakefulness to preserve just a few more moments of bliss. Of nothing but warmth and comfort and... oh shit!
Her stomach lurched and she almost rolled out the bed while reaching for the bucket waiting for her nearby, heaving her stomach out. The two people with her in this room woke up too, even if she hadn't yet noticed them. Zaeed was quickly at his feet, knocking into a few bottles on his way to help her.
When Jane felt his calloused hands gathering her tousled strands and holding them away from her "Zaeed - what?"
"Keep pukin' sweetheart, nuthin' happened for your pretty head to worry about. Me and your buddy Garrus just kept an eye ya' so you wouldn't choke on ye' spit in your sleep." Shepard groaned as her ears were graced with his smoky voice, letting her head fall at the inappropriate thoughts in her mind, seriously hoping he would mistake it as embarrassment (it was there anyway).
I will never touch a bottle again!
"I can confirm Mr. Massani's statement, nothing nefarious has been done to your person. I would have alerted Ms. Lawson were that the case," EDI chimed in.
"Thanks guys."
"That's what friends are for Shep!" Garrus chuckled from somewhere in her room, bringing her a glass of water to wash down the bile.
It was a few hours later that the Commander made an appearance. Now sober, and fit for duty. With the Normandy approaching Healstrom. Garrus and Grunt accompanied her onto the hot planet. EDI warned them of the considerable geth activity, but after stepping one foot out of the shadows, the Commander knew they wouldn't pose the biggest problem on this mission.
What could Tali be searching for in these ruins?
More signs of trouble appeared the more they pushed ahead, encountering a few squads of geth to warm them up. No signs of fallen quarians in sight. Investigating a hastily abandoned outpost revealed that they were after some important data the geth wanted for themselves.
The number of geth, passing each locked gate, became more intense, which assured her team that they must be coming closer. Hurrying was difficult against a Sun that was trapping them in tight spots at times. By the time they reached the next safe spot, her N7 armour was singed at certain spots where her barrier broke.
"What's that strange noise?" Grunt huffed as if he wanted to sniff it out.
Shepard investigated and found two corpses on the ground, with a strange communication device, "Break-break-break. OP-1, this is Squad Leader Kal'Reegar, do you copy?"
Picking it up, she brought it to her helmet, "This is Commander Shepard of the Normandy. Can we provide assistance?"
"Patch your radio into Channel 617 Theta," they did so while the quarian went on, "We were on a stealth mission. High risk. We found what we were after but the geth found us. They've got us pinned down. Can't get to our ship, can't transmit data through the solar radiation."
"What's your status? How many of you are left?" Jane asked, plans forming behind her eyes.
"We're down to half-strength now. Lost a dozen marines, some of the science team is left. Made the synthetic bastards pay for it, though."
"Do we have to worry about the geth sending reinforcements?"
"I don't think so. Their patrol ship hasn't lifted off again, and the radiation blocks off all off-world communication."
"Roger, ping me your position. We'll be there in a few minutes. Shepard out."
Turning to her team, she clocked her weapons and then set out hot on tails. Giant geth primes began roaming the battlefield, huddling her squad closer together to pick them off one by one. Pillars of concrete crumbled and fell on top of their heads, which had them running around for explosives to pave the path to the trapped quarians.
Things to a dangerous turn when a geth destroyer dynamically crowded their positions, Grunt made a risky move to defeat it, but it paid off and they got the charges. They got in after they blew the pillar sky high only to find every inhabitant massacred, but Tali wasn't among them, which gave her still hope.
Her quarian friend contacted her through a console nearby and told her that she relocated into an observatory next door, thing was, it was guarded by a fucking Colossus. And they were on foot. Back in the day they killed them with the Mako!
"EVERYBODY DOWN!" she screamed as a missile narrowly blew passed them.
They crawled into cover, panting and preparing for quite the fight.
"This is why I follow you, Shepard! Big things!" Grunt cackled in delight, his krogan blood stirred. At least someone is having a good time!
They put with Kal'Reegar further down the line, "Squad Leader Kal'Reegar."
Jane answered with a curt, "Commander Shepard."
"I still got no idea why're here, but this ain't the time to be picky! Tali's inside over there!"
They took a peek but almost got their heads cut off, "The geth killed the rest of my squad, and they are trying to get to her. The best I've been able to do is draw their attention."
"Are you sure she's still alive?"
"The observatory is reinforced. Even the geth will need time to get through it. And it's hard to hack a door when someone's firing rockets at you. The geth are near platoon strength, but the colossus is the worst part. It's got a repair protocol. Huddles up and fixes itself."
That's not good.
"What if we give you a clear shot?" Jane suggested, looking around for Garrus and Grunt.
"I tried but one of the bastards punched a clean shot through my suit!"
Shepard took a second to look around from behind her cover, her team seemed to have spread out, taking some of the attention off the two of them. A plan has formed in her mind, one that would grant them victory if they pulled it off.
"Garrus, take the catwalk on the right, camp at the sniper perch! Grunt takes the left while I take the middle! Bring out the big guns boys!" Jane ordered through the open channel. Affirmatives came from both soldiers. She then turned to Reegar, "I will take the middle, try to keep the colossus on me for you to get a clear shot. Watch my back until then and I want NO HEROICS Reegar, do you hear me?"
He snorted then groaned in pain, "My job is to keep Tali safe! This our best shot!"
Shepard nudged him off-kilter and he almost didn't get up with the heavy rocket launcher in his hands, "We don't have enough people on our side for you to take on for the team. STAND DOWN!"
The commander was undeterred, "I'm not going to stand here while you run into enemy fire! They killed my whole squad!"
Shepard pinned him with a glare, "And if you wanna honour your squad, watch my back! I need you here in case they bring reinforcements!"
"Alright, Shepard. We will do it your way. Kheelah se'lai!"
The battle that ensued might have been the most difficult since she came back. There were one too many close calls on in the middle where Jane held the line against two fronts of enemies crowding her at the same time. The colossus was after her neck the whole time, she made little to no progress, but that was what she wanted the geth to believe. It was a diversion for Garrus and Grunt to gain the upper hand, even if they had to watch out for Sun.
When they did, the geth were forced to steadily abandon the middle to spread more forces to the sides. It gave Shepard room to breathe for one, then carefully push forward. When all the roaming geths were gunned down, they could focus on the last thing in their way. This was where Reegar came into play.
Its shield was very incredibly difficult to break, but with four people continuously shooting at it, they got it down eventually. Seeing Tali again only promoted positive feelings in Jane, "Thank you, Shepard. If not for you, I would never have made it past this room. This whole mission was a disaster. I wish I'd joined you back on Freedom's Progress, but I couldn't let anyone take my place on something this risky."
"I can understand that, whatever the reason, I am just happy that we managed to get to you in time. Once you deliver that data. I could use you at the Normandy." Jane smiled at her friend, having shed the helmet to let her skin breathe some cooled air.
"I promised to see this mission through. I did. I can leave with you and send the data to the Fleet. And if the Admirals have any problem with it, they can go to hell. I just watched the rest of my team die."
It was then that Kal'Reegar caught up to them, Shepard felt sorry for forgetting about him, "Not all of them, ma'am."
"Reegar! You made it!" She rushed to help him sit down, "Your old captain's as good as you said. Damn colossus never stood a chance."
Jane eyes him with a guilty look, "How's the infection? Can you make it back by yourself or should we give you a ride?"
"Our ship isn't damaged, as long as we make it out before reinforcements arrive, we should be fine." He clutched at his injured side.
"Actually," Tali began, "I won't be coming with you. I'm joining Commander Shepard."
Kal'Reegar looked as if he had anticipated something like that, "I'll pass the data to the Admiralty Board and let them know what happened. She's all yours now, Shepard. Thank you again for helping me avenge my squad and keep Tali safe."
Garrus put a three-taloned hand on her thin shoulder, also happy to see her again, "She'll be in good hands."